10 Surprising Dating Strategies

Is romance or a relationship on the top of your mind most days? (We’re kind of obsessed with the topic, aren’t we?)

There are so many thoughts and questions about dating and love and marriage. But for singles, I hear one question in particular that keeps rising to the surface: “How will I find someone to date?!”

With that question in mind, I’ve got ten dating strategies for you.

  1. Love your neighbor.

Jesus told us to love our neighbors—a.k.a., anyone who comes into our path. If we’re loving our neighbors well, we’re training our “love muscles” for a future relationship.

Jesus answered, “The most important is, ‘Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one. And you shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.’ The second is this: ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’ There is no other commandment greater than these” (Mark 12:29–31).

  1. Pursue your God-given passion.
  • What are you passionate about?
  • What are your God-given gifts?
  • What area of work or service gets you pumped?
    • Is it missionary work?
    • Serving with kids?
    • Developing an artistic talent?
    • Pursuing a business degree?

Do it! Take the first step toward pursuing the mission God has for you. (You never know who you might meet along the way!)

  1. Work hard.

When you find what the Lord has for you in this particular season, put your whole heart into it. Give it all you’ve got.

Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men, knowing that from the Lord you will receive the inheritance as your reward. You are serving the Lord Christ (Col. 3:23–24).

  1. Be thankful.

You might be asking yourself, What do I have to be thankful for if I’m so single? For starters, God’s love and grace and mercy, then there’s your family, friends, church . . . the list is actually endless. First Thessalonians 5:18 tells us to give thanks in all circumstances. That includes right now, even while you’re single! It’s God’s will for you.

Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you (1 Thess. 5:16–18).

PS: Gratitude is contagious . . . and attractive!

  1. Invest in the people around you.

Whether you’re surrounded by your family or your friends or your coworkers or other students, true friendships require investment. And when we seek to be interested in others rather than absorbed by our own interests, we demonstrate a beautiful selflessness!

Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves (Phil. 2:3).

  1. Serve!

We’re supposed to follow in Jesus’ footsteps, right? Right! Jesus lived on this earth to serve, not to be served (Matt. 20:28). When we wholeheartedly serve others, we’re reflecting the heart of Jesus and becoming more like Him. Which is our goal—boom!

  1. Deepen your relationship with Jesus.

No other relationship is more important than your relationship with Jesus Christ. In fact, I remember reading a quote that goes something like this: “Grow so close to Jesus that in order for someone to pursue you, they have to know Him even better.”

  1. Focus on today.

Here’s something I want to avoid: realizing that I thought so much about the future, I didn’t influence and encourage others during my single years right now. Take TODAY and use it to the fullest potential! Yes, prepare for tomorrow, but don’t focus so heavily on it that you miss and waste today.

  1. Don’t worry.

Life is going to throw enough obstacles our way for boatloads of worry. But you know what? Worry robs today of all its joy! (I wish I could claim that quote as my own, but I’m paraphrasing Corrie ten Boom.) Matthew 6:25–34 reminds us that we shouldn’t be anxious about our life. So surrender those worries to God!

“Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble” (Matt. 6:34).

  1. Quit trying.

Why are you trying to get a certain guys’ attention? Listen, if you like a specific guy and the Lord wants you to be together . . . God can make it happen! But allow Him to handle the details. When we try to rush God’s timing or get involved in attempting to hurry His plan along, it can backfire on us. Plus, it’s best to allow a guy to pursue you rather than taking matters into your hands to pursue him!

Surprised by the Best Kind of Romance

This list may have turned out a little different than you were thinking. But here’s why these ten pieces of advice are a great way to find someone to date: in working hard, pursuing your God-given passions and gifts, and loving others, there’s a likelihood that you will stumble into someone doing these same things. Serving, loving, growing in their relationship with Jesus.

And you’ll realize that instead of shifting your focus off these pursuits and onto a person, you will both be able to do these things together. Your relationship will be better for it! It will be team effort, and you’ll get twice as much done for Jesus as you would’ve done on your own!

So stop worrying about who you’ll date. Focus on the person you’re becoming. Grow closer to Jesus. Don’t rush things. And somewhere down the road, you may just look over and realize the person God has for you is working right next to you in the trenches, loving, serving, and investing in others.

I want to hear from you! How are you using your single years to influence others for Jesus?

About Author

Beecher Proch

Beecher Proch calls the Hill Country of Texas home. When he’s not writing, performing with his three siblings in their band, or attempting to get a smile out of someone, you’ll probably find him working on a new entrepreneurial venture. Beecher is passionate about influencing the world for Christ’s Kingdom through stories, be that blogging, writing meaningful music, or going about it the old-fashioned way and taking a pen to the page.

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  • hannah

    Thanks for this post!

  • Mrs. Carolina

    Good evening…Young people are NOT obsessed with dating. I repeat, not! Having a desire for the opposite sex is natural and normal (Book of Genesis). As the church, why are we practicing 1 Timothy 4:3, where the Scripture says, “They forbid people to marry…?” As true Christians, you should want young godly people to marry a godly spouse. As a Christian woman, any young, godly woman who comes to me for dating advice will get a Titus 2 Woman talk (and especially if her parents are/were not capable of helping her) and how this may work in courting…1 Peter 3:4 and the story of Ruth’s mentors Talk, as well. Young godly people are calling out and we are shutting them down, every time. We are wrong!

    • hannah

      Young people are obsessed with dating as a 14 almost 15 year old I can say that we as young women always want a boyfriend it a comfort thing but I and other young women can and have learned to turn to God instead of guys.

      • Mrs. Carolina

        At 14 and 15, you definitely should not be worrying about a boyfriend. Age 16/17 and up, your parents should start teaching you something about godly relationships with the opposite sex.

      • Madi Pitts

        this is so true! it can be a struggle even if you’re not looking to be in a relationship at the moment, even when you’re younger. I think for me it stemmed for this picture perfect view i had when I was a little girl of what I thought my teenage years would look like. part of that view probably came from my sinful nature but I think media and what young people are exposed to on a daily basis also has a role in this. as a young woman, i find myself happiest when I am pursuing God and when we are filled with Him it brings such joy 🙂

        • hannah

          I know I feel so bad when I relize that my main thing im thinking about is guys even when im trying so hard for it to be God

          • Madi Pitts

            Yea. I still struggle with that sometimes but what really helped me is praying about my eyes being set on God. I’m sooo easily distracted (especially in prayer or devo time) but whenever I start to obsess or displace God’s place in my life it helps to stop and pray. but i am in no way on the other side of that struggle haha

          • hannah

            thanks for that advice.

  • Mrs. Carolina

    …then the church as well, turns around and complains about homosexuality, and the break down of society. Totally inappropriate when we are not encouraging young Christians to marry.

  • Lilli

    I want to thank you for this post! It is exactly what I needed to hear. I am in college right now and there seems to be so much pressure to find someone, but when that is what you center your life around, it just leaves you empty. If anyone read this, I ask for pray as I get back to centering my life on Christ and on deepening my relationship with Him.

  • Sarah Bean

    Thank you for this blog!

  • LBell

    Hello! As a mother of four (3 married!!) I appreciate this post! I WANT my kids to find a godly spouse and enjoy the blessing of Christian marriage but I know in the meantime… in the single years there are times when it’s so hard for them to stay focused on Jesus and what He has for them in that season and not feel like they are missing out. As you said here, they learned to serve and minister in many capacities and found joy in the place God had them, but that was a choice and a struggle sometimes. Beecher, thank you for sharing from a guys perspective, I know many are encouraged by these words. Blessings!