Miranda sat down in front of me with tears streaming down her face. “I just don’t understand, Sarah. Why is this relationship so confusing?”
Have you ever said (or thought) those same words? Have you ever been overly frustrated and confused by a friendship or romantic relationship?
After years of hearing this question from others, and asking it plenty myself, I started searching for answers in God’s Word. In searching, I learned to ask three questions that can help lead to figuring out the cause of the confusion and finding the path to clarity. The next time you’re in a confusing relationship, you can ask them, too.
Question 1: Is God my first priority?
When we begin pouring time and effort into a relationship, we face a pull to put the relationship on a higher priority level than our relationship with God. When God is knocked off the number one spot, it always invites confusion.
First Corinthians 14:33 says, “For God is not the author of confusion but of peace, as in all the churches of the saints.”
If there is confusion in your relationship, chances are you and/or the other person are not making God the top priority.
In Miranda’s case, I told her that God was not the author of confusion and asked if she and her boyfriend were both individually pursuing God. I was met with silence instead of a confident reply that God was their number one priority. Generally, misplaced priority is the first culprit of relationship confusion.
Question 2: Does this relationship have a purpose?
Proverbs 29:18 states, “Where there is no vision, the people perish.” Think of “vision” as purpose or direction, and ask yourself, What is the purpose of the relationship?
In a friendship, the purpose is to support one another. If you are just aimlessly friends with no real purpose, then the relationship can leave you confused and often times hurt in the end.
It is much the same with romantic relationships. Essentially, the purpose of dating is seeing if you would ever be compatible in marriage. If you are just aimlessly dating, hoping it might turn into something, you will be perpetually confused and likely end up hurt.
Ask yourself, What is the purpose of the relationship that’s causing confusion? Is there one?
Question 3: Are you both being 100 percent honest?
Dishonesty always invites confusion into a relationship.
One time in high school, I was dating a guy and had decided I wanted to break up with him. I just wasn’t sure how to tell him. He could tell something was amiss because I was creating confusion in our relationship since I was no longer being honest with him.
The same thing can happen in a friendship. Maybe you have realized that you don’t want to hang out as much or that the other person is having a negative influence on you. Regardless of the case, honesty is the best policy to avoid confusion.
I know this is easier said than done because emotions are involved and you do not want to hurt another person’s feelings. However, if you want to avoid chaos in a relationship, telling the truth and being up-front with the other person is imperative.
Clear Up the Confusion
Navigating relationships is not an impossible task. If you find yourself in a confusing relationship, take the time to honestly answer the three questions above. It’s likely that being honest with yourself about your answers, along with prayer, will help you determine what to do next.
Can you relate to Miranda’s story?
Have you ever been totally confused by a relationship or friendship?
What helped clear up the confusion?
Let us know below!