3 Questions to Ask When Your Relationship Is Confusing

Miranda sat down in front of me with tears streaming down her face. “I just don’t understand, Sarah. Why is this relationship so confusing?”

Have you ever said (or thought) those same words? Have you ever been overly frustrated and confused by a friendship or romantic relationship?

After years of hearing this question from others, and asking it plenty myself, I started searching for answers in God’s Word. In searching, I learned to ask three questions that can help lead to figuring out the cause of the confusion and finding the path to clarity. The next time you’re in a confusing relationship, you can ask them, too.

Question 1: Is God my first priority?

When we begin pouring time and effort into a relationship, we face a pull to put the relationship on a higher priority level than our relationship with God. When God is knocked off the number one spot, it always invites confusion.

First Corinthians 14:33 says, “For God is not the author of confusion but of peace, as in all the churches of the saints.”

If there is confusion in your relationship, chances are you and/or the other person are not making God the top priority.

In Miranda’s case, I told her that God was not the author of confusion and asked if she and her boyfriend were both individually pursuing God. I was met with silence instead of a confident reply that God was their number one priority. Generally, misplaced priority is the first culprit of relationship confusion.

Question 2: Does this relationship have a purpose?

Proverbs 29:18 states, “Where there is no vision, the people perish.” Think of “vision” as purpose or direction, and ask yourself, What is the purpose of the relationship?

In a friendship, the purpose is to support one another. If you are just aimlessly friends with no real purpose, then the relationship can leave you confused and often times hurt in the end.

It is much the same with romantic relationships. Essentially, the purpose of dating is seeing if you would ever be compatible in marriage. If you are just aimlessly dating, hoping it might turn into something, you will be perpetually confused and likely end up hurt.

Ask yourself, What is the purpose of the relationship that’s causing confusion? Is there one?

Question 3: Are you both being 100 percent honest?

Dishonesty always invites confusion into a relationship.

One time in high school, I was dating a guy and had decided I wanted to break up with him. I just wasn’t sure how to tell him. He could tell something was amiss because I was creating confusion in our relationship since I was no longer being honest with him.

The same thing can happen in a friendship. Maybe you have realized that you don’t want to hang out as much or that the other person is having a negative influence on you. Regardless of the case, honesty is the best policy to avoid confusion.

I know this is easier said than done because emotions are involved and you do not want to hurt another person’s feelings. However, if you want to avoid chaos in a relationship, telling the truth and being up-front with the other person is imperative.

Clear Up the Confusion

Navigating relationships is not an impossible task. If you find yourself in a confusing relationship, take the time to honestly answer the three questions above. It’s likely that being honest with yourself about your answers, along with prayer, will help you determine what to do next.

Can you relate to Miranda’s story?
Have you ever been totally confused by a relationship or friendship?
What helped clear up the confusion?

Let us know below!

About Author

Sarah Garrett

Sarah Garrett is a passionate educator and founder of the Transformed4More Ministries that she runs with her identical twin sister. It is her desire to reach struggling teenagers and tell them about the transformative power and love of God. Her book, "So, You Think You Are Ready to Date?" released in October 2017.

HEY, GIRLS! We love hearing from you, but feel limited in the ways we can help. For one thing, we’re not trained counselors. If you’re seeking counsel, we encourage you to talk to your pastor or a godly woman in your life as they’ll know more details and can provide you with ongoing accountability and help. Also, the following comments do not necessarily reflect the views of Revive Our Hearts. We reserve the right to remove comments which might be unhelpful, unsuitable, or inappropriate. We may edit or remove your comment if it:

  • * Requests or gives personal information such as email address, address, or phone number.
  • * Attacks other readers.
  • * Uses vulgar or profane language.
  • Moriah Hinton

    Wow…this post was filled with truth that I needed to hear as a reminder. I’ve dealt with a lot of confusion starting back in November/December up till now regarding my first, real, long lasting relationship that I ended back in December. I tried to be as honest as I could be with him about my feelings for him. I’ve struggled with that confusion still up till now. I’ve tried giving it over to the Lord several times but confusion sometimes creeps back in. I know he’s going to lead a man of God to me at the most perfect time. I just have to trust him and trust that his ways are better than mine.

  • Honesty is so important in any relationship! No matter how hard the truth might be it is still easier than being lied to or misled.