3 Ways to Keep Your Heart Unstirred

From the LYWB.com Team: We love it when young women rise up as truth speakers. Today’s post is written by Liza, a seventeen-year-old committed to living God’s truth. If you recognize the name, it’s because her big brother Beecher is a frequent blogger on our site. He’s written about Liza here and here. Today, she writes about the very real struggle to keep her heart unstirred while she waits for romance.  

Their eyes met. He smiled. She stared, star-struck. A lock of hair fell over his brow. She pushed it away. They clasped hands as they walked into the sunset. (Swoon!)

The credits rolled, and I was speechless. I’d just witnessed such perfect, spotless romance in surround sound. I’d seen such adoring, unashamed love and devotion. Oh, to be loved by a guy like that! To be held in the never-failing arms of my Prince Charming!

I sat transfixed, slowly awakening to reality. I wasn’t walking into the sunset hand in hand with my knight in shining armor. I was sitting in a chair in my living room by myself. My fairytale came crashing to the ground. The movie credits were over and I got up to get ready for bed, but I wasn’t in the mood for sleep. I lay awake, dreaming about my Prince Charming, somewhere out there.

Handsome. Check.
Strong. Check.
Absolutely wonderful. Double check.

I couldn’t wait for the day when I would finally meet him, marry him, have walk-into-the-sunset moments with him. But how long would it be? Years and years?

This train of thought has put me to sleep many a night.

What will he look like?
Is it someone I currently know?
How handsome will he be?

Instead of counting sheep, I counted wishes for a storybook romance epic enough for movie material. Somehow, over time, I had awakened a longing in my heart for the moment when I would finally be loved by a handsome guy. I daydreamed about what it would be like to finally have someone love me unconditionally. I wanted devotion. I wanted admiration. I wanted obsession. I wanted what I read in love stories, heard in the lyrics of love songs, and saw in the romance of couples in film.

What I didn’t realize is that each time I gave in to that feeling of longing and let myself picture how happy and fulfilled my Prince Charming would make me, I was feeding something inside me—an overpowering, intoxicating desire, one that would grow to nearly uncontrollable size if I didn’t do something to stop it. I was doing exactly what God’s Word warns me not to do.

I adjure you, O daughters of Jerusalem. . . that you not stir up or awaken love until it pleases (Song 3:5).

This is a bride talking, but here’s the incredible thing: This plea from one bride to younger women comes twice in Song of Solomon, and in both cases, the advice comes right after a passionate show of love, after a romantic moment with her bridegroom.

Why? Because this bride is experiencing the joy of unblemished, untainted love. She’s learned from her own experience how precious it is to be innocent and pure, to have kept this passion safe and locked up for her future husband, not distributed from boyfriend to boyfriend, wasted on one crush then another.

We can assume she knows the temptation; she knows how easily love is awakened. If she didn’t, she wouldn’t have felt the need to repeatedly share the same advice. She has seen how easily the heart is stirred to passion but has refused to let her heart carry her away. Instead, she has saved up all her passionate affection for her future husband, and when they are united, their romance is that much more lovely because she has kept it sacred.

So how is this love awakened, and how do we keep it from being stirred into action before its time? Let’s look at three major ways to keep our hearts unstirred.

1. Don’t feed it.

What causes your heart to flutter? What awakens your desire for romantic love?

One thing that stirs up discontent and longing in me is romance novels. You know the story: Two guys are both in love with the beautiful maiden, and she can’t decide which one she likes. Then guy number one turns into a creep, so she runs away with guy number two and they kiss and live happily ever after. My heart takes wings and gets so stirred up that everything just dissolves and turns into a romance-craving mess.

But watching romance films or reading romance novels that awaken discontentment and longing in your heart while trying to keep your mind where it should be is like fighting a battle while giving the enemy weapons. It’s like treading water when you could be swimming to shore.

2. Memorize Scripture.

The Word of God is powerful and can scare off the flaming darts Satan loves to throw your way. Here are two verses I’d encourage to memorize. (The first will sound familiar!)

I adjure you, O daughters of Jerusalem, by the gazelles or the does of the field, that you not stir up or awaken love until it pleases (Song 3:5).

Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a right spirit within me (Ps. 51:10).

Write these verses on cards, and stick them on your mirror. When Satan tempts you to succumb to daydreams and romantic fantasies, be ready with a verse to throw right back at him.

3. Ask God to fulfill your desires.

God offers us something bigger and better than a fairytale ending. He is the only One who can ever really fulfill us. Until we are completely fulfilled in Him, we can never be truly happy. If we find our worth and value in Him, than we don’t have to depend on daydreams to get us through the day. We can rest in Him, knowing He is our ultimate satisfaction.

How awesome it would be to be able to say, years down the road, “I did not stir up or awaken love until it was time!” What can you do to keep your heart unstirred as you wait for God’s plan for you to unfold?

About Author

Guest Blogger

HEY, GIRLS! We love hearing from you, but feel limited in the ways we can help. For one thing, we’re not trained counselors. If you’re seeking counsel, we encourage you to talk to your pastor or a godly woman in your life as they’ll know more details and can provide you with ongoing accountability and help. Also, the following comments do not necessarily reflect the views of Revive Our Hearts. We reserve the right to remove comments which might be unhelpful, unsuitable, or inappropriate. We may edit or remove your comment if it:

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  • Micaela W.

    “It’s like fighting a battle while giving the enemy weapons.” Spot on! We girls are never thinking that way when we pick up the romance novel or the chick flick, are we? Our little hearts are so twitterpated we can’t see that we’re giving the enemy a foothold in our lives. I know I, personally, struggled for years with discontentment over unfulfilled dreams and desires…many of which were unrealistic fantasies I’d let run rampant in my mind! As someone who went down that unpleasant road then got back on track, I’d just like to say what an encouragement it is to read these words written by a younger sister in Christ. Keep strong in the faith, girl!
    Xoxo, Micaela 🙂

    • Abbie

      I know! Same for me! I never realized that books and movies like Pride and Prejudice were feeding my discontentment. This post totally opened my eyes to that! And it’s soooo good to know that I’m not the only one who struggles with that. Sometimes I feel like no one understands, but then I read a post like this and all the comments that talk about how everyone else thought they were the only ones. 🙂

  • Janero

    Thank you so much for this post! It was a great reminder of some really practical ways that we can honor both God and our future husband. It is wonderful that we have been given the opportunity to give ourselves wholly to God.

  • Liza, this was wonderful. Thank you sp, so much for taking the time towrite this! I needed it.

  • Diana

    Dear Liza,
    Thank you so much for being honest and vulnerable! Yesterday was exactly when I needed it and that’s right when God sent it to my inbox.
    Gods Blessings to you!

    Another girl in the battle with you … Diana.

    P.S. I really appreciate the words in your latest song, Faces. When we see faces, oh that we would see their soul as well!

  • Briana Soto

    This was such a great post that I desperately needed. I think a way that stirs me into discontent is wedding films. There has been a huge trend going on lately where many people have had wedding films created and then posting them onto YouTube. Well I have become a usual watcher of these films and it’s not that any of them are bad they actually all strive after a Christ centered relationship. The only bad thing is is that after I get done watching them my mind begins to wonder who is my future husband and will he be as handsome as this guy or will he be as strong in the faith as this guy? But I think another way to help would be accountability. Having someone who can help mentor you through your singleness is perfect.

    • Jess Oladi

      I had the same problem, in fact a Christian couple Jess and Gabriel just posted their wedding video and I had the same stirring feeling rather than being patient and trusting God with my future. I think it’s good for us to know what Godly qualities we want in a man, but not to obsess/constantly think about him. Just thought I’d reply and tell you I was happy to see your comment, it’s good to know that we aren’t alone. I’ll be praying for you 🙂

      • Briana Soto

        I had just watched that video for the first time yesterday and that’s one of the ones I am talking about. When I had read their names from your comment I was like Oh my goodness….you get it! It is great to know that there are fellow believers who are struggling with this. I’ll be praying for you too! Thank you for letting me know you understand where I’m coming from it means a lot:)

        • Haley

          Hi guys! I just wanted to say that this is a big struggle of mine too! I have watched videos and Jess & Gabriels’s videos & they always leave me feeling down and lonely. I am glad I am not the only one! I have been praying and trying to dig into Gods word & understand that he is the great Romancer!

          • Jess Oladi

            I know that same lonely feeling after watching videos like this too, I think that if we realize that this causes that feeling we should cut back on watching them as much. Their may not be anything wrong with the video or the people, they could be a great Christian couple as Jess and Gabriel are… But until we learn and grow to the point where watching them or seeing other lovey dovey couples doesn’t make us lonely or question God’s plan for marriage for us, then maybe don’t watch them. Learn through the bible and prayer that you aren’t alone, that having a husband won’t give you joy like Jesus can, and that marriage is wonderful but wait on God’s plan. Praying for you sweet girl💛

        • Jess Oladi

          Just now came back to this comment, sorry girl. But yes I totally get it and am happy that we can share and encourage eachother, I hope you have been feeling spiritually better about it, i know how hard it can be to desire a relationship but our relationship with God matters most. It’s a tough journey to being more like Christ but acknowleding what we need to work on is a good start. 😊💛

  • Jess Oladi

    I loved this post so much. The last few days I have really been struggling with this, with just wanting someone who loves me and is there for me… forever. I am only 18 and there is still plenty of time for that but; instead of wanting a husband, I think I’m needing more Jesus. Because he -literally – will Love me forever and is always there for me. This post couldn’t have come at a better time, so thank you Liza. Everything you said was truth and very encouraging! God bless 🙂

  • Abbie

    This was sooooo good! Exactly what I need. I struggle with this a lot and this post was so helpful. Thanks Liza! I hope you will post again! 🙂

  • Am

    Thank u sooooo much Liza for this post I don’t know how much thankful I am to you for writing this and to God for directing me here.it is so true that when I watch a romantic movie or scene it awakens my desire and catch me even in my dreams while asleep….I have felt the love of Jesus and I know it’s all I need and when I give in to these kind of temptations, where I could have closed my eyes I see how the enemy takes it as an opportunity to control me even in my sleep the fire feeling is so intense. Thank u so much . I will try my real best to stay away from these kinds of stuff.

  • Am

    Thank u sooooo much Liza for this post I don’t know how much thankful I am to you for writing this and to God for directing me here.it is so true that when I watch a romantic movie or scene it awakens my desire and catch me even in my dreams while asleep….I have felt the love of Jesus and I know it’s all I need and when I give in to these kind of temptations, where I could have closed my eyes I see how the enemy takes it as an opportunity to control me even in my sleep the fire feeling is so intense. Thank u so much . I will try my real best to stay away from these kinds of stuff.

  • Hadasah

    So what do you do? Just don’t watch these types of movies or read those types of books?

    • That is certainly part of what Liza shared in her article. But she also shared about the importance of not only limiting exposure to romance novels and movies, but also feeding herself on Scripture memorization and prayer. Spending time on cultivating her relationship with the Lord is where she focuses her attention on rather than the romance possibilities.

      It is good to eliminate that which causes discontent. But it is also very important to fill that void with godly endeavors. I’m praying for you this morning, Hadasah, asking the Lord to give you wisdom and discernment as well as a desire for godly growth in your life.