50 Questions to Ask Before Falling in Love

You like him. He likes you. Now what? Where do you go from here?

Working through the nitty-gritty of a relationship can be exciting and confusing at the same time. How do you figure out if a guy is someone you want to spend the rest of your life with?

Throughout the years of doing this relationship thing, I’ve consistently fallen back on this one strategy: Ask questions.

Don’t rush into a relationship and close your eyes and ears. Take the time needed to dig deep.

Taking the time to slow down and ask yourself (and your man) questions is key. Don’t rush into a relationship and close your eyes and ears. Take the time needed to dig deep. Listen. Each question could lead you to another question that will help bring clarity.

This list of fifty questions is a great place to start. This isn’t an exhaustive list, but it’s a great place to get started. I’ll also link to a few other blogs, books, and websites to help you continue the process.

50 Questions to Ask Before Falling in Love

Spiritual Questions to Ask Him

1. Can you explain the gospel to me?
2. How important is your relationship with Jesus?
3. What importance does prayer play in your life?
4. What is your view on church involvement?
5. What does your personal quiet time look like?
6. How would you lead your family spiritually?
7. What is your perspective on sharing the gospel?
8. Do you have regular accountability in your life? What does it look like?
9. What are the last five spiritual books you’ve read?
10. What is your favorite book in the Bible and why?<
11. Who is your spiritual hero and why?

General Questions to Ask Him

12. Why do you want to be in a relationship with me?
13. What do you see as my best character qualities?
14. What do you see as my weakest character qualities?
15. What does your vision of a happy family look like?
16. What motivates and excites you?
17. How would you describe a good work ethic?
18. How important is integrity to you? Why?
19. How would you maintain purity in our relationship?
20. What are your convictions on alcohol?
21. What are your convictions on media choices (movies, music, books, etc.)?
22. What are your convictions on modesty?
23. What are your convictions on speeding?

Questions to Ask Each Other

24. What is your testimony?
25. What is your ideal church to attend?
26. What is your understanding of biblical womanhood? Use Scripture to make your point.
27. What is your understanding of biblical manhood? Use Scripture to make your point.
28. Do you have any interest in working in ministry? If so, what specifically?
29. How important is entertainment in your life (movies, TV, video games, social media, etc.)?
30. What are your views on health and exercise?
31. What is your perspective on finances and debt?
32. What kind of legacy do you want to leave?

Questions to Ask Those Who Know Him Well

33. What cautions or red flags do I need to know about him?
34. What is his reputation like?
35. Can you see the two of us making a great marriage?
36. Would you encourage your daughter to get to know him?

Questions You Need to Figure Out

37. Why do I like him?
38. Does he push me closer to Christ?
39. How does he treat/talk about his mom?
40. How does he love those closest to him?
41. Is now a good time for us to pursue a relationship?
42. What gets me most excited about this person?
43. What do his actions/priorities say are important to him?
44. Is he secure in Christ or does he “need” me in order to be happy?
45. Am I secure in Christ or do I “need” a boyfriend in order to be happy?
46. Could I see myself living the rest of my life with this person?
47. Do I want to be with this guy?
48. Have I prayed about this relationship?
49. What do the people closest to me think about this relationship?
50. What cautions do my parents/mentors have?

These questions are only the start. I encourage you to use them as a launching pad to help you discern if this man is someone you should get to know.

What additional questions have been helpful to you? Share them with the rest of us in the comments section below, and be sure to check out these additional resources.

Questions to Ask When Preparing for Marriage  

Single Girls: Look for a Guy with Vision, Passion, and Purpose

How Do I Know if He’s the One I Should Marry?

PS: To hear answers to some of these questions from the perspective of a single guy, be sure to check out Wednesday’s post!

About Author

Bethany Baird

After a brief experience in the modeling industry, Bethany’s eyes were opened to how self-absorbed and lost her generation of young women really are. She and her older sister were inspired to start a blog (www.GirlDefined.com) and wrote a book Girl Defined: God’s Radical Design for Beauty, Femininity and Identity. Their passion is to help young women find God’s truth about beauty and womanhood and the freedom that comes from living a radically different life for Christ.

HEY, GIRLS! We love hearing from you, but feel limited in the ways we can help. For one thing, we’re not trained counselors. If you’re seeking counsel, we encourage you to talk to your pastor or a godly woman in your life as they’ll know more details and can provide you with ongoing accountability and help. Also, the following comments do not necessarily reflect the views of Revive Our Hearts. We reserve the right to remove comments which might be unhelpful, unsuitable, or inappropriate. We may edit or remove your comment if it:

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  • Danielle

    Hi, I’ve walked through most of these questions and he meets what I’m looking for except for his health. Am I foolish to be with someone with chronic health issues or am I shallow to not want to sacrifice it all yet? What advice do you have for those suffering from chronic health issues and those considering dating the people with chronic health issues?

    • Chronic health issues and the challenges surrounding them certainly need to be addressed. Have you spoken to any of the godly people in your life about this? They can help you to process through the “pro’s” and “con’s” of it knowing your strengths and weaknesses. This would also be something you would want to discuss with the one you are considering dating. He may have already worked through the problems that you are seeing and can help you see how it could work.

      It is so important to be praying about this, Danielle! We each enter into relationships with strengths and weaknesses. The weaknesses give us the opportunity to press hard into Jesus and experience His strength in the midst of our weaknesses. We are praying for you today!

  • Love this article! Awesome questions. Thank you, Bethany!!

  • Sarah G

    AWESOME post, Bethany!! Will be saving this! Thanks, sis!

  • Lyss

    I enjoyed this article, but as I’ve read through some of your articles and watched your YouTube videos, I’ve seen you talk a LOT about modesty. I’m a little curious as to why you place so much importance on something that seems so trivial. “Man looks at the outward appearance, but God looks at the heart.” I don’t understand the need for so many rules about modesty. If we are truly loving God wholeheartedly, of course our clothing will reflect that, but by trying to fix immodesty, I think you’re trying to fix a symptom instead of the actual problem.
    Also, the focus on honoring men and protecting them seems wrong. Not that we shouldn’t respect them, but I want my goal in doing anything to honor God, not men.
    Thanks for your wisdom, and sorry if any of this is too harsh, I’m just interested to hear your thoughts 🙂

    • Morgan

      Good point, immodesty is more of a symptom than the problem. And I agree, modesty should be mostly for the woman’s sake, not the man’s.

    • me

      Couldn’t agree more!

    • Anonymous Sister

      As Katie Gregoire says it, “I am acting in purity to honor God, not to ‘save myself’ for another sinful human being on this planet.” I act a way to honor God, not to be considered “worthy” for another sinful human to love.

  • S. Tejeda

    Ok I have a question: what happen if I met a guy who is new believer?he can’t answer questions and know a lot about the bible like me for example!what can I do?He is interested in me and I always point him to Christ!!!
    Sorry for any mistake my first language is spanish I come from aviva nuestros corazones!!!

    • I would not encourage you to rush into a relationship with a new believer. You want to wait and watch for fruit to appear in his life and give him the opportunity to begin to grow as a spiritual leader before he would be put into the position to lead you in a relationship.

      Continue to pray for him and point him to Jesus, sweet sister. You might also see if you could get him connected to an older godly man who could mentor and disciple him as he grows. I am praying for you, S. Tejeda!

      • S. Tejeda

        Oh thank you!!!God bless!!!