To the Christian Girl Who Watches Porn

From the LYWB.com Team: Hey girls! We’ve dedicated most of our posts this month to love and romance. Because romance and sexuality are God’s idea, the enemy works overtime to twist them. We are hearing from more and more young women struggling with a curiosity toward or addiction to porn. We decided to tackle the subject head-on by inviting our friend Jessica Harris to guest blog on the subject for us. If you’re a Christian girl who watches porn, we hope you’ll find her grace-laden, truth-saturated approach helpful. You can read more from Jessica at BeggarsDaughter.com.

“What are you speaking on?”

I had been asked that question several times, but as I stood across from a male staff member at a large college conference, I could feel my cheeks turning red.

“Pornography,” I said quietly, with my eyes shifted off to the side.

His eyes got wide, and he sat back in his chair. There was a familiar moment of awkward silence. “Oh really? Wow . . . that’s usually a guy’s topic.”

“I know.”

Minutes later, I walked into a room full of young women and shared my story. I had grown up in a conservative, devout Christian home, attended a Baptist church, was the perfect student, perfect daughter, active in youth group, and addicted to porn. I had searched for help but couldn’t find anything for women. Everything was for men.

I wondered, Am I alone?

I felt so much shame, fear, and this strong desire to break free. I tried everything I could think of, from burning pictures to physically harming myself. I wanted to stop. I was tired of being fake, tired of lying, tired of making everybody happy, tired of being afraid of people finding out. At the same time, I was so terrified that I might be alone. I was convinced that, somehow, I was the only girl in the world who had gotten herself into this mess. I couldn’t stop thinking, What was wrong with me?

You Are Not Alone

Even after finally getting help and walking in freedom, I thought I was alone. That day, speaking at a conference in Canada, I realized I wasn’t. I had never been.

Surveys put the number of Christian girls who struggle with porn somewhere around 10–20 percent. That means for every ten of you reading this post right now, at least one and maybe two struggle with pornography.

If you’re one of those girls, please know this:

You are not alone.

It is astonishing that for however many women struggle with pornography, almost all of the girls and women who contact me believe they are alone. It’s something so commonly discussed among men, but rarely, if ever, mentioned among women. Just because we don’t talk about it doesn’t mean we don’t struggle.

And . . . you are not beyond grace.

One of the most hopeful things to me while reading about Jesus’ time on earth is seeing the women He interacted with. Sometimes women may feel dirty or completely unable to be loved by God because they struggle with sexual sins. Yet when you read of the women Jesus encountered in the Gospels, a vast majority are sexual sinners. What you have done or are doing is not beyond the reach of the grace of the love of Christ. You have not sinned beyond the cross.

God loves you.

A Toxic Lie

The most dangerous and toxic lie you can believe is that God no longer loves you.

The most dangerous and toxic lie you can believe is that God no longer loves you. You might imagine that God is looking at you with abhorrence, turning His ear from your prayers, and turning His back on you entirely. You feel you’ve let Him down. You’ll stop reading your Bible because you don’t see the point. You’ll stop going to church because you feel like a hypocrite. You think there is no way God wants anything to do with you.

This isn’t the gospel or the reality of grace. In Romans 5:8 it says,”but God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.”

God’s love for you is not contingent upon your success in overcoming your struggles. He loves you enough to die for you and longs to help you fight this battle. Quit believing you have to earn His love by breaking free on your own.

He loves you enough to die for you and longs to help you fight this battle.

He has come to set captives free and to break the power of sin in your life, but that can’t happen if you are pushing Him away. He longs to heal any wounds and give you an abundant life.

Quit believing that you are beyond His reach. There is hope for you, hope that you can have victory over your struggle, find healing, and live a life renewed by grace.

We’ll pick up this conversation tomorrow with three steps to breaking free. In the meantime, I’d love to hear from you in the comment section below.

About Author

Guest Blogger

HEY, GIRLS! We love hearing from you, but feel limited in the ways we can help. For one thing, we’re not trained counselors. If you’re seeking counsel, we encourage you to talk to your pastor or a godly woman in your life as they’ll know more details and can provide you with ongoing accountability and help. Also, the following comments do not necessarily reflect the views of Revive Our Hearts. We reserve the right to remove comments which might be unhelpful, unsuitable, or inappropriate. We may edit or remove your comment if it:

  • * Requests or gives personal information such as email address, address, or phone number.
  • * Attacks other readers.
  • * Uses vulgar or profane language.
  • Rhiannon

    How unbelievable that I come across this post today! I was thinking about how I’m going to overcome porn and I thought I’d check this blog for some possible answers. I’ve been stuck on porn since I was 16. I’m 23 now, and honestly I’m afraid to give it up. I always used it as an outlet for my sex drive and a stress reliever. But it does not work, yet I keep coming back! I stopped going to church ages ago. Not because of this on particular, but I dare say it does have some part to play.

    • Rhiannon,

      You are so brave! Thank you for being honest. I definitely understand that fear of giving it up. I spoke at a conference this weekend and told the girls it feels a bit like burning down your house (not that I’ve burnt down my house). You are comfortable there; you have a sense of identity there. If you get rid of it, it feels like you’ll be a little lost. I would definitely encourage you to plug back into church. It’s not the church itself so much that helps but the relationships formed there and the challenge to apply truths to our lives. So, it will end up being whatever you put into it. Church won’t “fix” you per se, but it can definitely help build you a new “home.”

      Praying for you! I am so glad you found this.

      • Rhiannon

        Well, today I shared my struggle with a small group during our bible study. It was rather liberating in a way. And hearing about their own respective struggles puts things into a new perspective for me.
        I am happy to announce I’ve not looked at porn in almost 2 weeks. I feel the pull now and then, especially when I’m bored, tired, angry or just plain horny but I recall 2 Corinthians 10:5 “we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ”. When the desire to watch porn, or do anything which will not be beneficial to me rises up, I tell God “Take this thought away, I don’t want it” (I was inspired by a comment I read on here or another site) and he does! He really does.

        Nothing is impossible if you believe.

  • Ruth
    • Ruth!

      Can I ask what this is in?

      • Ruth

        My reply is up at the top !!👍

        • I meant what book is it from?

          Also, important to note. I’m not actively struggling. I’m a writer and speaker who addresses women who do. 🙂

          • Ruth

            Ohh yah, I know this picture will help them( and helps me) confess my sin this will help viewers start prayer ! And I can’t wait for your future post !

  • Rose

    Thank you…can’t wait for tomorrow’s

  • Mary

    I’ve been battling porn for a few months. I’m 14 almost 15 and I’ve wanted to stop but I’m too ashamed to ask for help. Seeing this post has given me hope and encouragement. Thank you so much!

    • Hi, Mary,

      I have been writing about this since you were six! 😀 That makes me feel ancient when I see it that way. Please check out my site for more content that might help you with where you are in your journey right now. Praying for you!

    • katherine

      Honey you aren’t alone. I am the same age as you and I battle with the same things. It’s the devil that tries to take over your mind.

  • Morgan

    I haven’t looked at or read anything pornographic in awhile, but once that spirit of lust gets a hold of you, it’s hard to break free. Thank GOD for Jesus, though. I’ve gotten better, thanks to Him. This topic is pretty important to me, because I feel like it’s harder for girls (especially Christian girls) to come clean about looking at porn. We’re taught that it’s just a guy problem and that girls are Christian girls are immune to anything sexually impure, which is why we feel alone and like a social pariah. im glad this is being talked about more so other girls can realize they aren’t alone, God still loves them, and they don’t have to be stuck in their bondage.

    • Amen, Morgan! Thank you for sharing your thoughts and for encouraging your sisters who struggle. This is not just a guy problem, ladies. You are not alone and there is absolutely hope, love, and freedom in Christ.

  • Mariana

    Hi, this a great topic. I don’t struggle with porn but masturbation and I can say that it’s the same feeling : shame, you feel unworthy and the only thing you want to do is hide, but jesus call me. He still does , He still calls us out of hiding … because He wants to break free what we can’t do for ourselves. That’s grace upon grace upon grace. It’s not an easy battle, but I’m trying to fix my eyes on him . I need to trust him that he will bring the light to my darkness. Our worst never change his mind . That’s heavy love …. so we must come to the arms of our savior.

    • Hi, Mariana,

      That phrase “heavy love” is so true and powerful and you are right it is not easy at all, but there IS grace and you can run to him for help. He does call you out of hiding and into a walk of freedom. Keep moving forward!

  • Victoria

    Thanks for talking about such difficult and important topics! I didn’t used to struggle with porn, only masturbation, but as I started looking for help with masturbation, I fell to porn. It has gone in a circular cycle since then. I’ve had times of freedom and slavery all year. I am in a time of freedom now– my longest yet! I been leaving my phone out of my room for a month now, and haven’t viewed porn all that time! It is possible, through God, to overcome!!

    • katherine

      That’s what happened to be. Without the freedom part

      • Victoria

        Well, now I’ve been through a time of falling again. I don’t really know why, but I’ve been really tempted these past two weeks. Have you ever decided to deliberately cut something out of your life (like for me it was bringing my phone in my room)?

        • That would certainly be a very pro-active thing you could do, Victoria, so that temptation would not strike as hard. God promises that He will always provide a way out of our temptations so that we don’t fall into sin (1 Cor. 10:13). Leaving your phone/computer/tablet in an open area where you are not as likely to go places you shouldn’t is a great plan for battling this! Throwing away DVD’s, videos, CD’s, books or anything else that you turn to in a time of weakness is another plan of attack. I’m praying for your wisdom, your discernment, your courage and your victory!

      • Sarah, with Revive Our Hearts

        Katherine…I’m praying for you this day that you can find that freedom. This is my prayer for you: “It was for freedom that Christ set us free; therefore keep standing firm and do not be subject again to a yoke of slavery.” (Gal. 5:1) I pray that as you seek for freedom, and say know over and over again to this yoke of slavery, that you will saturate your mind with God’s Word, the Truth. Look at the next day’s post for specific ways to get to that freedom: http://www.liesyoungwomenbelieve.com/takes-break-free-lust/. And you might find great encouragement from our blogger’s site: http://beggarsdaughter.com/. Praying for you!

  • Ruth

    Yes like what do u mean what it is like you can’t see the picture what is it or like what does it mean. I can take a picture again if it is not there, but it is a confession prayer about sexuality to Jessica

  • Carmen

    Good article! glad you are addressing this!

  • emily

    If anyone needs something to help them break free from porn, because it is an addiction, just like overindulging in alcohol or participating in drug activity, I have a suggestion. I struggle with porn too. My youth leader recommended a website made for overcoming addiction to porn called the Fortify Program. I’ve been using this program for almost 2 months and it’s really helping. It is not a Christian-based program but it’s super easy to weave your faith into the program. There is nothing negative, it’s just a tool to help you find your way out of porn, and into a healthy lifestyle.

  • Hannah Minix

    This is a really tough subject for me because I have struggled with an addiction since I was 8 or 9 years old. I was sexually abused as a young girl, and though I was rescued from that environment, I now struggled with pornography, fantasies, and masturbation. I feel so hopeless and like God is disappointed with me. I have tried to overcome this on my own but never make it. I want to hear from the Holy Spirit, but I struggle with self-esteem issues, and I second guess myself and God. I really hope your series can help me! I am desperate! God bless you!

    • Abby M.

      God bless you, dear young lady! Hannah, firstly, honoring your parents sacrificially as you do is a great thing. You’ve been gifted with a patient, submissive, kind & gentle attitude, so bear in mind that your tasks do not go unnoticed. You are precious and beloved by God almighty, put right where you are for a great purpose yet to be seen. These gifts can be utilized in ministry for counseling others in the future, so you might be being prepared for use with those who have had similar circumstances. You’ve bourne an inordinate amount of stress and there are coping techniques you use to get through, as we all do. Never believe you are alone. Now is the time to pay attention to what you are learning; you already are further than most adults who have dealt with these things, who have all sorts of resources. I detect you greatly value your purity and are daily working to restore that which is the work of our healer and Lord Jesus. Trust Him and leave restoration of your precious soul to Him, and be specific with each struggle you lay before Him. You are a conquerer in Christ already; faith cometh by hearing, and hearing by the word of God. Keep digging in scripture no matter how much your flesh says not to or that it is pointless. It is not. That is a satanic plot to keep you helpless. You are not helpless. Your faith essentially will be the first line of defense, so work on focus- – not necessarily so much focus on self-change, but getting scripture into your gut, and really worshipping your risen Lord and just delighting in Him, intimately, which could mean looking up hymns and singing worship to the Lord (which blunts the enemy’s attack in the first round of the temptation cycle), then state scripture that directly breaks the power of your need as the moment strikes. Crucify the flesh daily in the morning, and rely on & ask the Lord to live His life through you. Don’t be shocked when the flesh wants what it wants. Living in the spirit and not in the flesh takes lifelong discipline as a christian. We are in the world not of it. Thats where feeling like an alien comes in. Remember what Paul stated, we are flesh and spirit & the one wars against the other, we do what we don’t want, but we must learn to daily, hourly, bring the flesh under submission to the Holy Spirit in us. Ask the Lord to fill you with His Holy Spirit each morning as you proceed in your victorious fight against allowing your flesh to dominate your needs. You are made in God’s image and You are not an animal. You CAN and will succeed, but starving the flesh, as CS Lewis says, just makes the lion roar louder, until the flesh starts dying to the spirit, where the roar becomes a whimper of the enemy. The the Lion of Judah can do the roaring for you! Remember, Christ’s point of defense was “thus saith the Lord..” then speak out the truth, such as a verse regarding you are not alone ( He will never leave nor forsake you), or being overwhelmed by a physical need ( my God shall supply all my needs EVEN SEXUAL, INTIMATE ONES, In His time and way, according to His riches and glory through Christ Jesus), etc. This works for all struggles, like anger, bitterness, selfishness, coldness to things of the Lord, etc. Just keep going and don’t get sidetracked. We are in a race to the finish. Atheletes that run and look to either side or get destracted by whats happening in the bleachers usually fall apart and lose the race, or tangle and break a bone. Eyes straight ahead. Covenant your eyes , ears, body over to the Lord, like Job. Keep praying, like your namesake Hannah in scripture. Be fixed and steady, and be patient and praise God in the caves like David, stand strong in the battle like Joshua, cry out to the Lord like Jeremiah and Isaiah, be encouraged like Haggai, Nehemiah, Noah, walk with the Lord like Abraham and be ready to Be used by God for great things like Esther and Ruth. Also, in maturity, be aware the battle will rage, because the war is on for your mind, heart and soul. You already won the war in Christ, but living it daily is the battle. Understand a strategy tailored to your fight against lust when It strikes. You also must ask the Lord to just show you His love for you, quite simply. Giving up self- medicating actions is a supernatural thing, but you can conquer masturbation, etc., with the first step of faith. If we keep up sin, the law is in effect, not Christs saving grace. We are no longer under the law because we love Jesus and know Him and what He did for us to set us free from life – dominating sins. Jesus said to the woman caught in the act of adultery, simply, go and sin no more. Choose ‘ no’ in the power of the Lord by the Holy Spirit. You are beautifully and freely enabled to choose holiness & purity because of Christ’s finished work. It is no hardship for us, because, ‘woman, where are they accusers?’ He is the fulfillment of the law and we can do all things through Christ who strengthens us. Mistakes will happen, as that is part of progress which is taking place in you. But you are ahead of the curve because you have spiritual sight and know what you are trying to manage. So when the mood hits you or despair comes, CHOOSE to sing praises of power in the blood of Christ and mostly, of adoration to Him, CHOOSE to stop, walk away, turn off, and/ or reject the thing that is spoiling/harassing you and in the middle of it, no matter how much you DON’T want to ( remember, YOUR SPIRIT must dominate your flesh, flesh hates that inconvenience, be prepared) CHOOSE at that moment, NO to the temptation in His strength (pray for it right then, no matter how weird it feels, remember spirit vs. Flesh) & get those verses out that speak of God’s restoring your soul, your mind and healing your broken heart, & walk away from, run, scream, exercise, vacuum, clean out a closet, do whatever you can to just say no to your flesh at that moment, ask the Lord to protect your heart, mind and body, and the changes will start, slowly. (once i made a huge spaghetti dinner, homemade applesauce, a pie, cleaned the garage, the car, took the piano apart to clean it and did 3 loads of laundry. Um, yah.)If we are talking years of addiction, reprogramming is underway at this time to also change your chemical reaction to the good feelings received by the action of porn, masturbation, etc. The body just reads it as ‘oh, ok, its time for sex, yay!. Your spirit/heart/brain understand it as a morality issue outside of Gods will, meaning academic sin. Those are correct chemical reactions God gives to you to be shared with your husband in a secure and peaceful, loving covenant, & wholly safe and favorable marriage bed with God’s choice of wonderful, trustworthy, gentleman He will provide later. Right now, your body is reacting properly, but out of step with what is really happening as it is harming your heart/mind and spirit, so it’s NOT just you going back and sinning, there really is more to it psychologically and phisiologically. You are now on the road to rewiring yourself (a very difficult task) to NOT get the need on, and then do what would come naturally in a marital setting. The endorphins and good/secure feeling hormones released when sex occurs is supposed to be that wonderful, contented, loving, good incredible feeling that bonds you to your husband who will be bonded to you, & protect and love you for life, as God intended it. Coming off that high, and teaching your body to no longer associate that need with wrong, harmful or unhelpful activity will take great skill, patience, maturity and knowing yourself very well and also knowing your “triggers”. ( funny as these beautiful traits of patience and maturity are already there because of your caretaking responsibilities- God will use those gifts to help you become a whole, complete adult woman that can counsel others, neat how He does that!) just being aware of these things might make it less burdensome, and helps you not be so hard on yourself (and self- loathing isnt scriptural!). Turn your gaze away from your self, & struggle throughout the day and unto Christ, somehow. Also gardening, reading, fixing things, cooking and yes, even just cleaning the toilet and singing hymns to yourself is brilliant in the healing process as you cease striving and know that God is your Father, and Christ, the lover of your soul. Let Him tend to your intimate needs, be submissive to the Holy Spirit in singing Psalms, reciting scripture, resisting the weight of sin and pride ( which I know sounds weird, but, yah, that’s in there too, more like a self protection thing, not total reliance on the Lord, like you are able to fix yourself but keep falling short, This this is where self focus and self loathing come in, yet another plot to take our eyes off Christ), anyway, with even the most irresistible sin, if you keep your gaze on Him, off self and the sin itself, you might walk away a bit emotionally bloodied and like a wounded warrior, but you will emerge a true conqueror. You are learning things now many understand years into a bad marriage or too late, well after mid life, so be blessed in knowing the honor of God allowing these heavy, advanced issues in this tempering season of your life; you will come forth as gold. Also, it is a great assignment of spiritual maturity to know ones weakness in the area of lust as a christian. Many christians go through life prideful, NEVER aware of their weaknesses; and we wonder why the church is going in so many doctrinally wrong directions or why great pastors fail. This is one reason why. And you have been privileged more than they in this great task in relying on your savior! How loved you are and how you will be helpful to others, amazing! You surely have Gods favor! Overall, NEVER LET YOUR GUARD DOWN. Stuff happens, but the knife in the underbelly of this type of battle is finding an excuse to go back. Remember: addictions, strongholds, bondage is broken by Christ, through the power of the Holy Spirit. Makes sense, if you are fighting actively for your purity, right? Bring everything captive to the mind of Christ as it says in scripture along with the old fashioned prayer of “Lord, remove lust and replace it with satisfaction, contentment, peace in you, remove bitterness and replace it with forgiveness towards those who have hurt me, remove anxiety of improving my self in my own strength with trusting in you to supply all my needs beautifully”. With addiction, you must remove something harmful, then put the healthy thing in its place. It may be helpful to research key words of certain verses, online with a greek/ hebrew definition, so you know the original intent of the full word of, for instance, “delighting” yourself in the Lord, or “woundedness” of spirit, or even what good ‘Ol lust,concupicense, etc means. Re- read Ephesians, Galatians 5& 6, Phillipians, Romans 12, I& II Cor., It will shed light on the original text and even help in praying over these things. Remember what scripture states: the battle is the Lord’s. Somehow try to discipline yourself to know that when a spiritual attack strikes, it is exactly that. And the first step is “flee” temptation. Be patient with yourself and your bodys reactions; keep in mind you are also re- programming yourself/ body to NOT react or demand a desire to be met by yourself, outside Gods will. Of course your body and brain just want to feel good and secure like the last time the trigger occurred. Heres where you know whats happening, be logical in the moment and ask the Lord to deliver you from the temptation, and be honest, He’s not shocked or judging you, just weather it by stating “Lord i want this right now, more than I can control, but I know i must obey You. GET ME OUTTA THIS IN JESUS NAME!” Seriously, thats the starting point; then man your battlestation because you’re now under fire, but you are NOT alone. GOD not only is your co- pilot, but your life and resurrection from death of the soul and body. He lives, so you can too! Hang in and when you pass that first wave, you will feel a high unmatched that your body hasnt felt. It is peace. Remember starving the flesh is impossible as a human. It demands to be fed, clothed, entertained and serviced. But bringing your flesh under submission is lofty work only done through the holy spirit, but you CAN do this. Read up on Malcolm Muggeridge’s struggles of the flesh and listen to some Ravi Zacharias on Oneplace.com. you are in good company with the same struggles that hit David, Paul, St Augustine, Oswald Chambers, Spurgeon, etc. Also remember you are undergoing the equivalent of being under fire at close range; read up on some of the great battles of history from ancient wars from scripture through to various historical revolutions and civil wars, along with recent wars and techniques of battle from WWi and ii, up to the horrors of stealth combat in Viet Nam and even Iraq. This is how Satan works on our areas of weakness. “The weapons of our warfare are not carnal (tangible) but mighty through God to the PULLING DOWN OF STRONG HOLDS, casting down imaginations and every high thing that exalts itself against the knowledge of God (meeting our own needs our way), and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ” II Cor. 10: 3- 5, respectively. What is each piece & function of the armour of God? Is it for offense or defense against the enemy? When you know your stance, you have confidence as a warrior. Look up also how when the ‘Fiery darts of the enemy’ are mentioned, this is referring to the wars of Israel, usually terribly created arrows, pitch-laden and usually set on fire to pierce and burn the skin irreparably. Interesting stuff to get into that and compare with mideval armor, vs. Roman armor. Imagine these things and even draw your armor along with the corresponding verses. God knows your situation, so although it may seem He is silent, this is a testing ground for greater things you will accomplish in His name, in His strength, as you grow older. Press into Him, chase Him, get intimate with Him. He will become your magnificent obsession, as the lovely song goes, by Merideth Wilson. And you will soon understand how beloved you are to Him, and even in the midst of perhaps anger of injustice and unforgiveness, yes, even towards God in these things that happen to us as children, we come to a refining point where we may not have all the answers, but know that God is really sovereign in all that he allows regarding us. Bear this in mind because there may be a time when like Jonah, you might get angry at God for the injustice of things of the past. Dont waste years of your life on unforgiveness, as i have. Dont wadte time being angry at God. He loves you. He is holy, He is sovereign. He also died and rose again just for you. You cant see things clearly now but ask Him to reveal Himself to you and all he has planned, and then go for it, in Him. Grab life and do it in Christ because you are alive and have a voice with which to speak life into lives which dont have your hope. Also, take a moment to hear great songs of peace and encouragement on YouTube by Kari Jobe, look up Beloved, Ashes into Beauty, Come to Me, No Sweeter Name, on YouTube. Also get into a daily bible reading program, an extremely reputable one is Dr. J Vernon McGee with Through the Bible Radio. They have ppl all over the world in dire, lonely and dangerous situations, let alone elderly, sickly, etc that all listen in, so you are in great company in the body of Christ listening to that, along with Isik Alba Ministries, a formerly abused muslim woman whose life was turned around by our Lord, and lots other good things like June Hunt on Hope for the Heart ministries, Charles Stanley, & Tony Evans ministry is excellent for encouragement, and others again all on oneplace.com. You can always call up these ministries and ask them to pray with/ for you, too. Never be shy about that. You have endured great difficulty, yet it is apparent that you are mature enough to grasp the very mature concepts of sanctification, self- sacrifice and circumcision of the heart. God is truly able to make all grace abound towards you, having all sufficiency ( in Christ!) in I’m all things, so that you may abound in every good work. II Cor. 9:8. And truly you will. You must certainly have a gift of counseling and encouraging others, too, ask the Lord about that. Start writing things down, chronicle your efforts and get scriptures down in a journal or blog to help others with the same experience. And finally, whenever I think it’s just all impossible and start questioning God, of course go to scripture first, but also, take a look at literature that came out of the Holocaust, such as Anne Frank, Elie Wiesel’s Night Trilogy, and Viktor Frankl in Man’s Search for Meaning. Brilliant. Also, in reminding us of God’s sovereignty, listen online to some lectures on DNA and the physical universe, by christian scientists like John Lennox out of Oxford University ( who was castigated for his beliefs by renowned atheist Richard Dawkins- – who also teaches at Oxford- – who basically stated that Lennox should be shot for spreading belief in a Creator).. nice to know we aren’t the only ones who had/have it rough!!!and check out the tragic but amazingly great stories behind some of the great hymn writers like Fanny Crosby, WH Spofford who wrote It is Well With My Soul, etc.. lots of incredible stories out there, yours is among them still being written. Make it a thriller with your Savior, right to the end of glory, good and faithful daughter! You exceed them all! Praying for you and for a godly husband in the wings someday prepared for you as well, hugs, healing and blessings dear precious sister in Christ!

  • Anonymous

    I was addicted to porn, masturbation and was gay. God set me free and I have been clean for many years now. There is always hope because God is always there! He never leaves and never forsakes us. Love that you chose this topic. There should be no stigma and shame but prayers, love and encouragement.

  • Lizbeth

    Hi everyone, i just felt like sharing my issues with some one cause i really need advice. Up until now i felt like i was the only one going through this mess. it all started when i heard some boys talking about porn and how interesting it was.being curious i went up on the internet and typed on the word. that search changed my whole life at the age of 13 i became addicted to porn and mastrubation. it has really affected me since then .now am 16 am trying to reconcile with GOD but i have fallen into it twice since i asked for forgiveness. Now the problem is everywhere i search for a solution i am being advised to tell someone but i cant just bring myself to do it. i dont trust anyone right now except God because i feel they will hate me for knowing the things i have done and this is the only sexual sin i have ever committed.. theres a guy am really close too. he has a bad past too even worse than mine and he shared it with me and he has also helped me get closer to God ,but am scared to share mine with him cos i feel he will hate me. pls what can i do?. i speak to God better now and i believe he hasnt forgotten me but how can i stop fallen back into this sin ?. please i need some answer this is the first time i have shared this.

    • Anne

      Dear Lizbeth, I hear you when you say it is hard to tell anyone about it for fear of what they might think of you. Thank you for sharing your struggles with us. I have struggled for years with porn and masturbation even after becoming a Christian. Every time I would sin, I would feel distant from God but by His grace He brings me back to him through repentance. To kill sin, it became clearer that I needed to share with one of my closest Christian friends to help keep with accountability. I was petrified. I wanted this to just be between God an I. How would my friend think of me? Why is it easier to confess “little sins” to one another? I prayed for sometime that God would provide another way where I didn’t have to tell anyone. But it became clearer that one of His graces is accountability. I then started praying for courage and it became easier to tell my friend. Once I did, I was overwhelmed by her encouragement and love. She agreed to help me through prayer and constantly inquiring of how I am dealing with temptation and triggers and encouraging me to seek God and find my greatest satisfaction above all else.

      • Lizbeth

        thank you very much this has really helped

        • Anne

          You are welcome and I will be praying for you. I believe God is able to help us and as we lean on Him, I pray we find strength to flee from temptation and live lives that bring Him glory.

  • Stacey Radford

    I was exposed to pornography at 11 years old and it set off an addiction whose grip I wouldn’t escape for 20 years. But there is freedom. I felt alone in my sin. I thought I was the only girl in the world with this problem. Anywhere I looked for help, only men were addressed. I’m so happy to see girls are getting sound, biblical help.
    There is freedom in Christ!

    • Amen! Thank you for sharing, Stacey!

    • Lih

      Hello i’m from mexico i need to help!!!!!!!!!!!!! because?? In my church never never spoken about this problem, so i found in english because in spanish it’s any information.
      (Sorry for my little error grammars)
      Bleessss you

      • I have paused and prayed for you today, Lih. This is not a talked about subject in Mexico or anywhere else. We want to make you aware of this website as a help to those who struggle in this area: http://beggarsdaughter.com/.

      • Hola, Lih,

        Estoy usando un programa de traductor para ayudar ya que no sé español 🙂 Estoy aprendiendo! Hemos tenido funcionarios del gobierno en México para preguntar si pueden traducir algunos de mis escritos al español. Por lo tanto, estamos trabajando para obtener recursos para usted! Además, hay una conferencia planeada para 2018. Si puedo aprender español, espero estar allí. ¡Rezando por ti!

  • X

    The hardest thing is being madly in love with Jesus, and yet struggling with homosexuality and pornography. Its NEVER spoken about in churches. Ive been a Christian 5 years and never heard any sermon preached on how to love Jesus and battle those two sins. I know they are sin, but because Ive had these tendancies towards girls since I was like….6, its hard to shake of the worldly lie of “I was born gay”. More people need to speak out like this. Thank you for your article

    • Abby M.

      God bless you! Brave! Praying for you! You can do all things through Christ who strengthens you! There ARE resources for those coming out of the gay lifestyle. Check out Rosariabutterfield.com, excellent resource, good articles, in particular 2- 13- 14 “you are what, and how, you read”. Also oneplace.com has encouragement for the journey, lots of good ppl.. KEEP UP THE GOOD FIGHT IN JESUS NAME AND THANK YOU FOR YOUR WITNESS!

    • X,

      I don’t know why I didn’t see this sooner, I am so sorry! You might be encouraged by my friend Amy, who struggled with pornography and same sex attraction as a Christian while married. She talks about this a lot and I feel you might find some hope, healing, and comfort in her words.

      http://walkinginfreedom.net/

  • Elizabeth M. Stanley

    This has encouraged me greatly. I hate to say this, since I’m a “keep to myself person”, but for years I’ve been struggling with masturbation, and filthy thoughts. I need to tell someone, and this might sound weird (even though I am embarrassed to even leave this comment) but I feel more comfortable telling someone I haven’t met, than tell it to someone I’ve known for years. At least here I know that these bloggers are Christians and seek to live for God. I’ve always felt that I was the only girl struggling with this, since when preachers and youth leaders teach about Lust, its geared towards guys. I’ve been saved for years, and grew up in a Christian home, and have gone to a Baptist church all my life. One reason why I feel alone is that this topic is mainly for guys, and well its very obvious that I’m not a guy. Why am I falling into this pit again and again if I’m a girl. Is it just guys that are prone to this? Also the subject for women being addicted to porn or masturbation is not taught enough or at all. That’s probably why I feel like the only girl. There will be times where I’m alright, and go for a long while without this nastiness. But then something will be mentioned, which will go down a bunny trail in my brain and turns into something bad. Or something pops up on social media like adds and or whatever on You Tube, and then it all goes to crud. I feel like a filthy and horrible person after I look/ watch something, or do something. I ask God for forgiveness, and I will feel better, even though when I’m apologizing I feel like He has nothing to do with me at that time. I do have to say that Bible verse that says the Spirit is truly willing, but the flesh is weak is so true. I want to end this, but my human self won’t quit it. (I’m sorry for this novel, but this article has opened my eyes and heart. Thank you so much again!)

    • Hi, Elizabeth,

      First off, you are so brave. Thank you for sharing your story. I completely understand how it’s “easier” to tell a stranger online than to sit down and talk to someone face to face. That’s actually how my website started- it was anonymous first because I didn’t want people to know it was me. 🙂

      I would really recommend the book, Sexual Sanity for Women by Ellen Dykas. It is a great dig down deep resource to help with healing. I also have a new book coming out soon that deals with more of the heart and longing for love but Ellen’s book tackles the sexual addiction struggle head on. This is definitely not just a guy issue- not in the least. You are not alone, and you can definitely know and live in freedom.

    • Rhiannon

      Are you me? Because what you just described sounds like what I would do on a semi-regular basis. I felt the same way about asking for forgiveness and that God didn’t want anything to do with me. The truth is that God isn’t surprised when we fall. He hates sin, yes, but when you fail he’s just there waiting for you to come to him and ask for his forgiveness. And like a loving father to his child, he will.
      I’m also dismayed at the lack of help for women with porn/lust problems. One good book out there is Purity is Possible by Helen Thorne. It’s not very well known, but I’m so glad I got it. I’ve read it multiple times. It addresses most of the problems you mentioned here.

  • Rhiannon

    I regret to say that unfortunately a lot of what I learned about sex came from porn. You name it. From the more technical side of it to the emotional. It started when I was 9. I had no idea until a few months back that it was meant to be a gentle, mutually enjoyable and pretty amazing thing. People kept saying it was, but I just couldn’t see it. For the longest time I saw it as dirty and a necessary evil, something which women endured and men enjoyed. I’m 23 now and my mind is slowly starting to adopt a more positive attitude towards it but unfortunately the scars still remain. One of my biggest fears is when I am with my future husband I will have flashbacks to those times when I used to watch porn. I’ll be reminded of something I saw. And I will admit that there have been some things I’ve seen in that stuff that I honestly wouldn’t mind trying out myself in our relationship (should it ever come, anyway), but I feel so dirty for wanting to do that, even though my intentions would be good. If you can offer me some sort of comfort, it would be a great blessing. This has been bugging me on and off for absolutely ages now. Thank you.

    • Satan has certainly taken what God has meant as good and pleasant between husband and wife and twisted it to be dirty and evil. He does the exact opposite of what God does. I’ve paused and prayed for you, sweet sister. I encourage you to continue to fill your heart and mind with good things, by spending time in the word, memorizing the word and in prayer. That will help in taking your thoughts captive. Anytime your thoughts wander to where they aren’t pleasing to the Lord, bring them back with the Scripture that you have memorized. You might consider memorizing Philippians 4:4-8, Psalm 103, Psalm 139 and Romans 8.

      In regards to your worry about what will happen with a future husband, we encourage you to not even let your thoughts go there. God tells us in Matthew 6:25-34 to not be anxious about tomorrow. When we worry, we are being disobedient to God. We end up stealing the joy God wants for today by worrying about what “might” happen tomorrow.

      I wonder if you have an accountability partner who would be willing to pray with you and encourage you as you work to take your thoughts captive in this area. Would you pray about speaking to an older godly woman about your struggle? Her friendship and support would be such a blessing in your life. I’m praying for you today!

      • Rhiannon

        Thank you.

        Yes, I do have an older woman who is very supportive and a good listener and she encourages me all the way. She knows about this problem, and tells me that because I’m in God’s hands, He has nothing but good things awaiting for me.