To the Christian Girl Who Watches Porn

From the LYWB.com Team: Hey girls! We’ve dedicated most of our posts this month to love and romance. Because romance and sexuality are God’s idea, the enemy works overtime to twist them. We are hearing from more and more young women struggling with a curiosity toward or addiction to porn. We decided to tackle the subject head-on by inviting our friend Jessica Harris to guest blog on the subject for us. If you’re a Christian girl who watches porn, we hope you’ll find her grace-laden, truth-saturated approach helpful. You can read more from Jessica at BeggarsDaughter.com.

“What are you speaking on?”

I had been asked that question several times, but as I stood across from a male staff member at a large college conference, I could feel my cheeks turning red.

“Pornography,” I said quietly, with my eyes shifted off to the side.

His eyes got wide, and he sat back in his chair. There was a familiar moment of awkward silence. “Oh really? Wow . . . that’s usually a guy’s topic.”

“I know.”

Minutes later, I walked into a room full of young women and shared my story. I had grown up in a conservative, devout Christian home, attended a Baptist church, was the perfect student, perfect daughter, active in youth group, and addicted to porn. I had searched for help but couldn’t find anything for women. Everything was for men.

I wondered, Am I alone?

I felt so much shame, fear, and this strong desire to break free. I tried everything I could think of, from burning pictures to physically harming myself. I wanted to stop. I was tired of being fake, tired of lying, tired of making everybody happy, tired of being afraid of people finding out. At the same time, I was so terrified that I might be alone. I was convinced that, somehow, I was the only girl in the world who had gotten herself into this mess. I couldn’t stop thinking, What was wrong with me?

You Are Not Alone

Even after finally getting help and walking in freedom, I thought I was alone. That day, speaking at a conference in Canada, I realized I wasn’t. I had never been.

Surveys put the number of Christian girls who struggle with porn somewhere around 10–20 percent. That means for every ten of you reading this post right now, at least one and maybe two struggle with pornography.

If you’re one of those girls, please know this:

You are not alone.

It is astonishing that for however many women struggle with pornography, almost all of the girls and women who contact me believe they are alone. It’s something so commonly discussed among men, but rarely, if ever, mentioned among women. Just because we don’t talk about it doesn’t mean we don’t struggle.

And . . . you are not beyond grace.

One of the most hopeful things to me while reading about Jesus’ time on earth is seeing the women He interacted with. Sometimes women may feel dirty or completely unable to be loved by God because they struggle with sexual sins. Yet when you read of the women Jesus encountered in the Gospels, a vast majority are sexual sinners. What you have done or are doing is not beyond the reach of the grace of the love of Christ. You have not sinned beyond the cross.

God loves you.

A Toxic Lie

The most dangerous and toxic lie you can believe is that God no longer loves you.

The most dangerous and toxic lie you can believe is that God no longer loves you. You might imagine that God is looking at you with abhorrence, turning His ear from your prayers, and turning His back on you entirely. You feel you’ve let Him down. You’ll stop reading your Bible because you don’t see the point. You’ll stop going to church because you feel like a hypocrite. You think there is no way God wants anything to do with you.

This isn’t the gospel or the reality of grace. In Romans 5:8 it says,”but God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.”

God’s love for you is not contingent upon your success in overcoming your struggles. He loves you enough to die for you and longs to help you fight this battle. Quit believing you have to earn His love by breaking free on your own.

He loves you enough to die for you and longs to help you fight this battle.

He has come to set captives free and to break the power of sin in your life, but that can’t happen if you are pushing Him away. He longs to heal any wounds and give you an abundant life.

Quit believing that you are beyond His reach. There is hope for you, hope that you can have victory over your struggle, find healing, and live a life renewed by grace.

We’ll pick up this conversation tomorrow with three steps to breaking free. In the meantime, I’d love to hear from you in the comment section below.

About Author

Guest Blogger

HEY, GIRLS! We love hearing from you, but feel limited in the ways we can help. For one thing, we’re not trained counselors. If you’re seeking counsel, we encourage you to talk to your pastor or a godly woman in your life as they’ll know more details and can provide you with ongoing accountability and help. Also, the following comments do not necessarily reflect the views of Revive Our Hearts. We reserve the right to remove comments which might be unhelpful, unsuitable, or inappropriate. We may edit or remove your comment if it:

  • * Requests or gives personal information such as email address, address, or phone number.
  • * Attacks other readers.
  • * Uses vulgar or profane language.
  • Rhiannon

    How unbelievable that I come across this post today! I was thinking about how I’m going to overcome porn and I thought I’d check this blog for some possible answers. I’ve been stuck on porn since I was 16. I’m 23 now, and honestly I’m afraid to give it up. I always used it as an outlet for my sex drive and a stress reliever. But it does not work, yet I keep coming back! I stopped going to church ages ago. Not because of this on particular, but I dare say it does have some part to play.

    • Rhiannon,

      You are so brave! Thank you for being honest. I definitely understand that fear of giving it up. I spoke at a conference this weekend and told the girls it feels a bit like burning down your house (not that I’ve burnt down my house). You are comfortable there; you have a sense of identity there. If you get rid of it, it feels like you’ll be a little lost. I would definitely encourage you to plug back into church. It’s not the church itself so much that helps but the relationships formed there and the challenge to apply truths to our lives. So, it will end up being whatever you put into it. Church won’t “fix” you per se, but it can definitely help build you a new “home.”

      Praying for you! I am so glad you found this.

      • Rhiannon

        Well, today I shared my struggle with a small group during our bible study. It was rather liberating in a way. And hearing about their own respective struggles puts things into a new perspective for me.
        I am happy to announce I’ve not looked at porn in almost 2 weeks. I feel the pull now and then, especially when I’m bored, tired, angry or just plain horny but I recall 2 Corinthians 10:5 “we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ”. When the desire to watch porn, or do anything which will not be beneficial to me rises up, I tell God “Take this thought away, I don’t want it” (I was inspired by a comment I read on here or another site) and he does! He really does.

        Nothing is impossible if you believe.

  • Ruth
    • Ruth!

      Can I ask what this is in?

      • Ruth

        My reply is up at the top !!👍

        • I meant what book is it from?

          Also, important to note. I’m not actively struggling. I’m a writer and speaker who addresses women who do. 🙂

          • Ruth

            Ohh yah, I know this picture will help them( and helps me) confess my sin this will help viewers start prayer ! And I can’t wait for your future post !

  • Rose

    Thank you…can’t wait for tomorrow’s

  • Mary

    I’ve been battling porn for a few months. I’m 14 almost 15 and I’ve wanted to stop but I’m too ashamed to ask for help. Seeing this post has given me hope and encouragement. Thank you so much!

    • Hi, Mary,

      I have been writing about this since you were six! 😀 That makes me feel ancient when I see it that way. Please check out my site for more content that might help you with where you are in your journey right now. Praying for you!

  • Morgan

    I haven’t looked at or read anything pornographic in awhile, but once that spirit of lust gets a hold of you, it’s hard to break free. Thank GOD for Jesus, though. I’ve gotten better, thanks to Him. This topic is pretty important to me, because I feel like it’s harder for girls (especially Christian girls) to come clean about looking at porn. We’re taught that it’s just a guy problem and that girls are Christian girls are immune to anything sexually impure, which is why we feel alone and like a social pariah. im glad this is being talked about more so other girls can realize they aren’t alone, God still loves them, and they don’t have to be stuck in their bondage.

    • Amen, Morgan! Thank you for sharing your thoughts and for encouraging your sisters who struggle. This is not just a guy problem, ladies. You are not alone and there is absolutely hope, love, and freedom in Christ.

  • Mariana

    Hi, this a great topic. I don’t struggle with porn but masturbation and I can say that it’s the same feeling : shame, you feel unworthy and the only thing you want to do is hide, but jesus call me. He still does , He still calls us out of hiding … because He wants to break free what we can’t do for ourselves. That’s grace upon grace upon grace. It’s not an easy battle, but I’m trying to fix my eyes on him . I need to trust him that he will bring the light to my darkness. Our worst never change his mind . That’s heavy love …. so we must come to the arms of our savior.

    • Hi, Mariana,

      That phrase “heavy love” is so true and powerful and you are right it is not easy at all, but there IS grace and you can run to him for help. He does call you out of hiding and into a walk of freedom. Keep moving forward!

  • Victoria

    Thanks for talking about such difficult and important topics! I didn’t used to struggle with porn, only masturbation, but as I started looking for help with masturbation, I fell to porn. It has gone in a circular cycle since then. I’ve had times of freedom and slavery all year. I am in a time of freedom now– my longest yet! I been leaving my phone out of my room for a month now, and haven’t viewed porn all that time! It is possible, through God, to overcome!!

  • Ruth

    Yes like what do u mean what it is like you can’t see the picture what is it or like what does it mean. I can take a picture again if it is not there, but it is a confession prayer about sexuality to Jessica

  • Carmen

    Good article! glad you are addressing this!

  • emily

    If anyone needs something to help them break free from porn, because it is an addiction, just like overindulging in alcohol or participating in drug activity, I have a suggestion. I struggle with porn too. My youth leader recommended a website made for overcoming addiction to porn called the Fortify Program. I’ve been using this program for almost 2 months and it’s really helping. It is not a Christian-based program but it’s super easy to weave your faith into the program. There is nothing negative, it’s just a tool to help you find your way out of porn, and into a healthy lifestyle.

  • Hannah Minix

    This is a really tough subject for me because I have struggled with an addiction since I was 8 or 9 years old. I was sexually abused as a young girl, and though I was rescued from that environment, I now struggled with pornography, fantasies, and masturbation. I feel so hopeless and like God is disappointed with me. I have tried to overcome this on my own but never make it. I want to hear from the Holy Spirit, but I struggle with self-esteem issues, and I second guess myself and God. I really hope your series can help me! I am desperate! God bless you!

  • Anonymous

    I was addicted to porn, masturbation and was gay. God set me free and I have been clean for many years now. There is always hope because God is always there! He never leaves and never forsakes us. Love that you chose this topic. There should be no stigma and shame but prayers, love and encouragement.

  • Lizbeth

    Hi everyone, i just felt like sharing my issues with some one cause i really need advice. Up until now i felt like i was the only one going through this mess. it all started when i heard some boys talking about porn and how interesting it was.being curious i went up on the internet and typed on the word. that search changed my whole life at the age of 13 i became addicted to porn and mastrubation. it has really affected me since then .now am 16 am trying to reconcile with GOD but i have fallen into it twice since i asked for forgiveness. Now the problem is everywhere i search for a solution i am being advised to tell someone but i cant just bring myself to do it. i dont trust anyone right now except God because i feel they will hate me for knowing the things i have done and this is the only sexual sin i have ever committed.. theres a guy am really close too. he has a bad past too even worse than mine and he shared it with me and he has also helped me get closer to God ,but am scared to share mine with him cos i feel he will hate me. pls what can i do?. i speak to God better now and i believe he hasnt forgotten me but how can i stop fallen back into this sin ?. please i need some answer this is the first time i have shared this.

    • Anne

      Dear Lizbeth, I hear you when you say it is hard to tell anyone about it for fear of what they might think of you. Thank you for sharing your struggles with us. I have struggled for years with porn and masturbation even after becoming a Christian. Every time I would sin, I would feel distant from God but by His grace He brings me back to him through repentance. To kill sin, it became clearer that I needed to share with one of my closest Christian friends to help keep with accountability. I was petrified. I wanted this to just be between God an I. How would my friend think of me? Why is it easier to confess “little sins” to one another? I prayed for sometime that God would provide another way where I didn’t have to tell anyone. But it became clearer that one of His graces is accountability. I then started praying for courage and it became easier to tell my friend. Once I did, I was overwhelmed by her encouragement and love. She agreed to help me through prayer and constantly inquiring of how I am dealing with temptation and triggers and encouraging me to seek God and find my greatest satisfaction above all else.

      • Lizbeth

        thank you very much this has really helped

        • Anne

          You are welcome and I will be praying for you. I believe God is able to help us and as we lean on Him, I pray we find strength to flee from temptation and live lives that bring Him glory.

  • Stacey Radford

    I was exposed to pornography at 11 years old and it set off an addiction whose grip I wouldn’t escape for 20 years. But there is freedom. I felt alone in my sin. I thought I was the only girl in the world with this problem. Anywhere I looked for help, only men were addressed. I’m so happy to see girls are getting sound, biblical help.
    There is freedom in Christ!

  • X

    The hardest thing is being madly in love with Jesus, and yet struggling with homosexuality and pornography. Its NEVER spoken about in churches. Ive been a Christian 5 years and never heard any sermon preached on how to love Jesus and battle those two sins. I know they are sin, but because Ive had these tendancies towards girls since I was like….6, its hard to shake of the worldly lie of “I was born gay”. More people need to speak out like this. Thank you for your article