How to Cope When You’re Left Out

It’s Saturday morning. You wake up, pick up your phone, and begin scrolling through your feeds to see what everyone did the night before. As you do, you notice some of your acquaintances’ pictures. You see them, yet again, spending their Friday night doing things they shouldn’t. It’s not that you necessarily want to join them, yet it stings a little to never be invited.

You brush away the thought and continue on. Soon, you begin seeing your friends’ posts. You assumed they had a quiet night in, like you, but the more you scroll, the more pictures you see of them hanging out together. Without you.

This time, the sting is deeper. You stop scrolling and begin to think, Great. Here I am, left out again. Doesn’t anyone like me? Why am I always alone?

You want to know the crazy thing about that “I’m-the-only-one-who’s-not-invited pity party”? We’ve all been there. We’ve all felt the sting of being left out.

You Are Not Alone

As Christians, we may expect to not be invited to activities that are sinful. This exemption can hurt a little, but doesn’t affect us overall. But what about when it’s your friends?

Let me assure you, you are not alone. I’ve often given myself the “left out” girl label. For example, my freshman year of high school, one of the girls on my basketball team had a Christmas party. When it ended, I noticed the only person preparing to leave was me. I soon realized that she had invited every girl on the team to spend the night at her house except me. Ouch.

Even now, as an adult, I continue to be left out of social events. Yet I’ve come a long way in my understanding of being accepted and whom it counts to be accepted by. I wanted to write this post to encourage you in case you’re one who feels like you’re always left on the sidelines.

Three Truths to Remember

1. Being alone a few Friday nights is better than engaging in sinful behavior.

Proverbs 24:1–2 says, “Be not envious of evil men, nor desire to be with them, for their hearts devise violence, and their lips talk of trouble.”

This verse makes it clear to not be jealous of people who are living ungodly lives. Even though we know sin is wrong, sometimes we desire to participate in it because, honestly, it looks fun. The Bible doesn’t ignore this reality.

Hebrews 11:25 is a verse describing Moses. It says, “Choosing rather to be mistreated with the people of God than to enjoy the fleeting pleasures of sin.”

Sin always looks fun on the surface, but will drag us down faster than we realize.

Yes, sin is often pleasurable for a season, yet Moses chose to obey God instead, knowing obedience comes with a long-lasting reward.

Sin always looks fun on the surface, but will drag us down faster than we realize. When you feel this desire pop up, ask God to help you brush it away and to remember that His plan is better than any short time fun of sin.

2. A true friend doesn’t leave you out.

“A friend loves at all times” (Prov. 17:17).

People have many friends, and it’s good to remember that you may not always be included in all of your friends’ activities. However, if someone claims to be your friend and is habitually leaving you out or making up reasons they cannot hang out with you, it’s time to ask, “Is this person really my friend?”

As the verse says, a friend shows love, which means caring about your feelings and including you in her life. If she is making no effort to do this, it may be time to reevaluate the friendship.

3. God will NEVER leave you out.

Hebrews 13:5 says, “Keep your life free from love of money, and be content with what you have, for he has said, ‘I will never leave you nor forsake you.’”

You’ve probably heard this verse many times. Even though it is a real promise, it can be difficult to think of God filling the “left out” void.

The next time you feel left out and lonely, remember that God is always there.

But if you purposely dwell on this verse and not how left out you feel, your spirits will begin to lift. You cannot dwell on positive thoughts and negative thoughts at the same time; the good can win out. Spend time listening to worship music or reading the Bible or a devotional, and you will find peace and encouragement.

The next time you feel left out, remember that God is always there—and sometimes it may be a good idea to skip scrolling through your social media feeds.

Tell us about a time when you felt left out. What are ways you cope with this feeling? Let us know below!

About Author

Sarah Garrett

Sarah Garrett is a passionate educator and founder of the Transformed4More Ministries that she runs with her identical twin sister. It is her desire to reach struggling teenagers and tell them about the transformative power and love of God.

HEY, GIRLS! We love hearing from you, but feel limited in the ways we can help. For one thing, we’re not trained counselors. If you’re seeking counsel, we encourage you to talk to your pastor or a godly woman in your life as they’ll know more details and can provide you with ongoing accountability and help. Also, the following comments do not necessarily reflect the views of Revive Our Hearts. We reserve the right to remove comments which might be unhelpful, unsuitable, or inappropriate. We may edit or remove your comment if it:

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  • Tera V.

    I once had a friend that was constantly pressuring me to watch tv shows and movies that went against my convictions. Most of them I didn’t even ask my parents about because I knew that even if they said yes (they wouldnt have) I knew I didn’t want to watch that stuff. This put tension between my friend and I which was sad.

    I like the song “Who says” by Josiah Micah the chorus says “Who says you gotta have it all figured out? Who says you’ll never feel alone in the crowd? Who says you gotta be like everyone else? Who says?”

    What are some ways ya’ll like to spend your Friday nights? I like to hang out with my brother. We’re both usually really tired from fencing practice so we usually watch T.V. 😛 It’s awesome to know that my brother is almost always there to hang out with. Sorry for the long comment.

    • Transformed4More

      Don’t worry about the comment. Actually, on many Friday nights, I hung out with my immediate family. I learned from a young age that they wanted to spend time with me and I enjoyed those times a lot.

    • Lia

      Tera that is so beautiful! I’ve always wanted a brother (especially an older one) to hang out with! You are so blessed to have a relationship like that <3 <3

      • Tera V.

        Thanks 🙂 my brother and I used to fuss a lot when we were little. My mom would always say that your siblings are your best friends. I would be thinking “WHAT???” but now I get it. 🙂

  • Toluwanimi Ishola

    Thanks for the post.I wss judt feeling left out when I read this post.Many thanks

    • Transformed4More

      I’m glad you found it helpful!

  • MaidenOfAfrica

    Thank you! Please write more about this because it’s so helpful and comforting. I live in one city and I have cousins living in another. It makes me feel sad because I usually see all my cousins hanging out and having fun together via social media. It sucks because I know I’m not a part of that.

    • Transformed4More

      That is hard, especially when it’s family. Maybe try unfollowing them for awhile and see if that helps. That way you won’t have to know…? Also know if they live in a different town, they’re likely not leaving you out on purpose.

  • Mandi Lehman

    Thank you so much for this post. I read it this morning, but last night after my soccer practice my group of friends had a sleepover together and I feel/felt so left out. It just does hurt

    • Transformed4More

      I’m glad it helped!!

  • These are all such wonderful truths!

    https://tizziestidbits.wordpress.com

    • Transformed4More

      Thank you for the nice comment and for reading!

  • Hi Sarah

    How to Cope When You’re Left Out was a great beginning of my Saturday here in Greenland.

    I’m so glad I found your beautiful blog.

    How to Cope When You’re Left Out is a great title because who hasn’t had some experience with this?

    I do not have a feeling of being excluded in any way but I know people who do, and it must be an awful feeling.

    Your blog post intro got me to think of something I read about social media not so long ago. It was a study about how Facebook and Instagram where some of the worst when it came to breaking down people’s self-confidence because of all these ‘perfect’ pictures.

    Reading it was encouraging because it was a real study with several thousand participants.

    It’s so encouraging for us to be Christians because as you say, we’re never alone.

    Some Christians do only see other Christians. I try to see as many different people as possible.

    Faith is something I only talk about if I’m asked. I find it annoying when people try to push me towards some particular worldview, so I tend to avoid doing that myself.

    I can relate to being the one not attending social activities. I’ve not given it too much thought – but I rarely attend social events. I prefer to stay with family and close friends.

    My favourite part of this particular blog post was your line:

    “remember that His plan is better than any short time fun of sin.”

    That’s is a great way of putting it!

    I agree with you; it’s difficult to find real friends so when we do we better appreciate them.

    Thanks, once again,
    Edna Davidsen

    PS: I’ll share on social media Wednesday 30. of August.

    • Transformed4More

      I’m glad you liked the post and thank you for sharing it in the weeks to come! God bless you!

  • Kerry

    Thank you so much for this. I’ve been left out from a lot of stuff from ‘friends’ because I don’t do the things they do like indulging in alcohol. But then I realised they’re not my true friends and I rather be around people where I don’t need to compromise my values for or feel uncomfortable around. I think it also helps to ask God to bring good friends into your life who will help build you up and even support you in your journey with Christ.

    • Transformed4More

      It is good to pray for good friends! I should have mentioned that. Thank you for reading and the nice comment :).

  • Brogan

    What if you feel left out from other Christians? A lot of my close friends are one denomination, but I struggle with denominations, knowing we are one in Christ. So I am not really involved in church with them, and feel left out. Truthfully it is devastatingly painful to me and I dont know how to get past it. I don’t feel called to be a particular denomination, but feel pushed to be when I hang around them. But I care for them a lot, and they care about me.

    • Transformed4More

      That is an interesting situation. Have you told them that you feel they’re “pushing” their denomination on you? It may not be something they realize they’re doing or that it’s hurting your relationship.
      If they really care about you, you should be able to address the issue without losing the friendship.

  • Maria-Simona C.

    Awesome as always, Sara! This was definitely a message I needed to hear this month, so God used His perfect timing with your writing once again! 😀

    • Transformed4More

      Thank you for the kind comment :).

      • Maria-Simona C.

        🙂

  • Sophia

    I really needed this. Ever since I devoted myself to Christ and spread truth in my Social Media. To be honest, I feel abandoned. Last time I had so much respond if I follow the earthly things event but now all seem to be ignoring me but then God said that.

    John 15:19
    If you were of the world, the world would love you as its own; but because you are not of the world, but I chose you out of the world, therefore the world hates you.

    • Transformed4More

      I’m glad you found this beneficial.