For Insecure Girls Everywhere

She was beautiful.

Not in the “everyone is beautiful” kind of way but in the really, really beautiful kind of way. She had long blonde hair, flawless skin, and style that oozed cuteness.

With my blondish, brownish frizzy hair, not-so-flawless skin, and style that oozes “hot mess,” I was the one with the microphone. I was the speaker at an event at her church for girls and women that weekend, and it was time for a Q & A. Anyone could ask me anything. I thought she was so brave for throwing her hand up with her momma sitting right beside her and 300 other women around her. I thought she was really brave when she asked this question,

“What would you say to a girl who feels like she’s not enough? I’m just not very confident. How can I deal with this insecurity?”

I bet I could cut and paste most of you into her seat. You know what it’s like to feel insecure. For some of you, it feels like that’s all you know. So, what did I say to her? What would I say to you? Here’s my advice for insecure girls everywhere . . .

Dear Insecure Girl

Insecurity has always been a part of girlhood.

Grab your Bible and read the story of the first girl to ever live in Genesis 1–3.

Eve was beautiful. She was created perfectly. To top it off, she was the only girl in the whole world. Miss America goes to . . . Eve! Miss Universe? Eve wins that too! The most popular girl in the world? Yep, that was Eve. It seems like under those circumstances it would be impossible for Eve to feel insecure.

But, that wasn’t the case.

Check out how the Enemy tempts her.

“But the serpent said to the woman, ‘You will not surely die. For God knows that when you eat of it your eyes will be opened, and you will be like God, knowing good and evil” (Gen. 3:5).

“You will be like God.”

Read between those lines. What he was really saying is, “You are not enough. You need to be more, Eve. You must find a way to measure up.”

The bait worked. Eve was desperate to quiet her insecurity, and she took a bite of the forbidden fruit.

If the Enemy can get us to fix our eyes on ourselves and all the ways we fall short, we will inevitably take our eyes off of Christ and all the ways He is enough.

For so many years, I thought insecurity was just part of being a girl. Every girl I knew was insecure. It seemed that it had always been that way and always would be. We need to get real about the fact that this is one of the Enemy’s tactics. If he can get us to fix our eyes on ourselves and all the ways we fall short, we will inevitably take our eyes off of Christ and all the ways He is enough. This has been true since the very beginning of womanhood, but it doesn’t have to be the way your story goes.

God doesn’t leave you guessing.

God doesn’t leave us guessing about our value and worth to Him. Several years ago, my world was totally rocked when I opened my Bible and prayed this prayer . . .

“God show me how you feel about me.”

I didn’t find some cute, little slogan about how God loves me the way that I am (even though that’s true). I didn’t find just a few compliments here and there. What I found was that from Genesis to Revelation, God’s Word declares God’s deep, everlasting, and dependable love and acceptance of me. You don’t have to take my word for it. In fact, I’d love for you to go digging into God’s Word for yourself for answers about His feelings toward you. But here is a snapshot.

  • You bear the image of God (Gen. 1:27).
  • God loves you with everlasting love. That means His love will not run out, dry up, or change (Jer. 31:3).
  • You were created with fear and wonder (Ps. 139:14).
  • The king is enthralled by your beauty (Ps. 45:11).
  • He knows every detail of who you are. He studies you like an artist studies his masterpiece or a groom studies his bride to be (Matt. 10:30).
  • You were bought at a price (1 Cor. 6:20).

When insecurity knocks at your door, these are the truths you should run to. When the voice in your head screams, “You are not enough!” You can stand up straight and say, “I am enough for Jesus” with God’s Word as your backbone.

The Choice Every Girl Has to Make

Those are some powerful truths. God has clearly declared that you are deeply loved and highly valued by Him. With that in mind, here is the question you must ask . . .

Will I let the promises of God be enough for me, or . . .?

  • Will I need what God says about me and the love of a boy to feel okay?
  • Will I need what God says about me and to be the most popular girl in school to feel okay?
  • Will I need what God says about me and to lose fifteen pounds to feel okay?
  • Will I need what God says about me and a new wardrobe to feel okay?
  • Will I need what God says about me and to be valedictorian to feel okay?

I can’t do anything about fat days. I don’t have a magic wand that can clear up your skin and trick out your closet. (Or I would wave it for myself, for sure!) But eventually I had to ask myself, “In light of all that God says about me, shouldn’t these things matter less?”

Ultimately, insecurity is about unbelief. We don’t believe that we are who God says that we are. The tentacles of insecurity started to loosen their grip on my heart when I finally chose to believe God’s Word about my worth and value and decided to let it be enough.

The Secret to Confidence

Time has taught me a secret I wish I’d known as a teenager—the prettiest girls are the most confident girls. They’re not necessarily confident because they’re pretty. They’re pretty because they’re confident.

People are always drawn to a girl who knows who she is and isn’t afraid to show it. If you’re a Christian, that’s who you are. You are the daughter of the King of kings! Be that 100%. Be confident in your value to Him and the beauty that He created for you to showcase. I promise, people will be drawn to your confidence. Then you will have the opportunity to point them to the source of true beauty.

To the sweet girl in the crowd and all of the insecure girls reading this blog . . .

Insecurity doesn’t have to be a part of your story. You can be confident in who God says that you are. The Bible tells us that is the secret to unlocking true beauty.

“Do not let your adorning be external—the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear— but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God’s sight is very precious” (1 Peter 3:3–4).

About Author

Erin Davis

Erin is passionate about pointing young women toward God's Truth. She is the author of several books and a frequent speaker and blogger to women of all ages. Erin lives on a small farm in the midwest with her husband and kids. When she's not writing, you can find her herding goats, chickens, and children.

HEY, GIRLS! We love hearing from you, but feel limited in the ways we can help. For one thing, we’re not trained counselors. If you’re seeking counsel, we encourage you to talk to your pastor or a godly woman in your life as they’ll know more details and can provide you with ongoing accountability and help. Also, the following comments do not necessarily reflect the views of Revive Our Hearts. We reserve the right to remove comments which might be unhelpful, unsuitable, or inappropriate. We may edit or remove your comment if it:

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  • miss K

    Erin, Thank you for your beautiful words of encouragement. To me, you are a beautiful and Godly role model 🙂

  • Brenda

    Thanks I needed this for a long time. I think I have to remind myself that God thinks I’m beautiful and loves me in every way!

  • Zoey

    Thanks 🙂 I needed this today. It seems like lately no guy knows I exist. I know I can’t base my value on guys that like me, but it does make you feel better. To be honest I have a bit of a problem, that makes me feel that no guy could ever like me. It makes me very insecure. It’s good to know God made me just how he wants me 🙂 thanks again.

    • aliyah

      Aww! I’m so sorry for you. But guys don’t define you, Zoey! I don’t exist on the radar of many guys, too, and at times I couldn’t care less, other times it hurts. I know that the Lord will keep turning our hearts toward Him as we seek Him.

  • Elizabeth Williams

    I have struggled with this forever. Thankfully, I read Leslie Ludy’s book Set-Apart Femininity and it has changed my whole view. I would recommend it to everyone! Insecurity is definitely something I’m still struggling with. It’s not something that you can just wave a magic wand and it goes away completely. However, I’m definitely working on it and getting a lot better with it.

    • aliyah

      Do you get the sense that Leslie Ludy adds a lot of legalism to grace? I read through the Lost Art Of True Beauty again and thought a lot of what she said somewhat reeked of “wear this for salvation” or “act like this for salvation”. Not trying to target anyone or anything but I’m kind of curious about what anyone thought. And I know Leslie herself writes on this blog, maybe she can explain.

      • Jesusfreak17

        I haven’t read the book but it’s partly how you interpret it. You can choose whether to take what she said as legalistic laws or helpful guidelines, despite whichever she intended (which I’m guessing is the guidelines but I don’t know for sure).

        • aliyah

          Yes, I took that into consideration also. But she made statements like “people used to treat God with reverence and respect, but now they come to gymnasiums for church, dressed in Saturday morning lounge clothes.” Then a paragraph later she says that she wasn’t saying God was disgraced by our worship in jeans and in gyms.

          I was confused by that because I felt like she contradicted herself. She seemed like she WAS saying we disrespect God by worshipping Him at a certain place or wearing certain clothes. What? God cares about our hearts in worship. The clothing should come AFTER that, and the place as He provides.

          I will take your advice into consideration, though, because you’re right, interpretation is everything.

          • Elizabeth Williams

            I do kinda get what you’re saying. And she even mentioned a few times that she was trying to be careful in not sounding legalistic. She talked about legalism in her book “Set-Apart Femininity”. I would recommend reading that book before “Lost Art of True Beauty” because it works more with the heart, as where the latter seems to be more of the outward. I know for me personally, the book really helped get to the heart of the matter and helped me in a way that no other resource had ever helped me with my insecurity and outward appearance 🙂

          • aliyah

            I will read that one. Thank you for your kind advice. 🙂 Just trying to seek truth without judgmental tones. 😉

          • Jesusfreak17

            That is strange. I don’t know what she intended by that comment but I agree with you. Yes, we’re not as classy as people use to be but it’s really all about the heart. However, that doesn’t mean the rest of the book is trash, you just have to read with discernment.

      • I have kinda felt that way about her books. It’s something I have wrestled with, but then again I often feel legalistic anyway.. My heart needs to be prepared for her books, otherwise I walk away defeated… I am going to try and read her new book this weekend, so we’ll see. It will probably be a binge reading session, followed by processing what she said, how my heart feels, and knowing the difference between what she said and what I felt…

  • Tabitha Joi

    I am currently planning my wedding and people constantly ask how I’m working out to look good in my dress. I’ve had people offer to set up a meal plans for me, I receive looks of disgust when I have pizza instead of salad, and the whispered “aren’t you worried about looking fat in your pictures”…it’s an unending battle (and beat down for my confidence). Thankfully, my fiance loves me the way I am, but I still feel the pressure from other people and those insecurities creep up. Thank you for writing this. I need to keep in mind that God’s love is enough. It doesn’t matter what other people say or think and I shouldn’t let them bring me down. It’s easier said than done, but I’ll work on it.

    • Elizabeth Williams

      That’s sad, isn’t it? That people seem to be more concerned with your outward appearance on your wedding day. But you know, so many people nowadays, that seems to be all they care about at their wedding, that all eyes are on them and that they steal the show. Yeah, I’d want to look my best on my wedding day too, but some people take it too far.

  • Bb

    This is off topic but I was wondering… There is a guy I really like but I have never met… Is it wrong to pray that God would cross his and my paths and maybe get to know each other better?

    • Elizabeth Williams

      Hey, I don’t think that’d be wrong at all! As long as you leave it on God’s hands when you pray. I actually think that’s a great idea. So many girls, when they have a guy they like, start pursuing and even chasing. But your heart is definitely in the right place. Just pray that God would let your paths cross IF IT’S HIS WILL 🙂

      • Bb

        Thank you so much!!!

    • Sarah @ Revive Our Hearts

      I agree with Elizabeth; it’s not what you ask God, it’s how you ask Him. Ask Him with an open hand and an open heart. Tell Him your desires and ask Him to give you your heart’s desire…always giving Him freedom to do what is best and accepting His ways. When we clinch something we want with a tight fist, it is more about “us” instead of His best. Trust Him; praying about things is the best way to get to know Him more. Enjoy seeking Him and HIs best for you!

  • I love this post. It was so encouraging and refreshing!
    I do struggle with being insecure sometimes. Just this morning, my little sister randomly stated “Brooklyn, you have really small ears!”. The rest of the morning I felt so insecure and kept comparing my ears to others. Now it seems so silly, but at the moment it felt like a direct hit against my confidence.
    The verses that you listed in this post really make me feel loved and cherished. Thank you for this!

  • Asia

    What a powerful blog post! I definitely need to take time and really think about how God sees me.

  • any name please

    My sister used to tell me when I was around 11 or 12 that she would say, “You must be adopted–you don’t look or act like the rest of us.” Already very shy and self conscious, those words didn’t help! I didn’t believe her of course, but the fact that she said that really bothered me. She was a year older…and we weren’t getting along very well at the time. But hey, we were all of about 11 and 12.

  • Grace M.

    This post is amazing! It’s exactly what I needed to hear today. Thank you so much! 🙂

  • Rebecca Brown

    WOW! I sooo needed to hear this today! I’m in the group that thinks that she needs to have the perfect body to be secure. I know that I’m not as thin as another girl in my church, but hearing you write about God being enthralled by my beauty lifted my heart out of the dirt! Thank you so much!!

  • Thanks so much! I needed this!

  • Jay

    thanks so much, i really needed to hear that!! its true ALL girls insecure, but its not just girls, boy are insecure too! just in their own way. teens are constantly feeling insecure, like they don’t fit in, and sometimes think, “am i the only one on earth like me?” No matter how popular, pretty, outgoing, fun, strong, or weak, or anything else a person is, everyone is insecure about something they arent, something they are, someone they want to be, or want to be like. this may surprise some of you, but even parents are insecure! Everyone need to feel loved, everyone needs to feel like they belong; and if you dont feel that way right now, loved or belonged, then say this, “God loves me, i belong to God. God will help me.” Pray and ask God to help you, he wont hesitate! we just need to have faith. and if your thinking, “What exactly is faith? How do i have faith?” then here’s my answer to you. Faith is when you believe in something, when you have hope, and confidence, you cant just be like, “oh God, if its your will then do this or that for this person thats dying.” Or something like that, you have to know! Thats why nowadays, people are like, “Well i asked God to bring the person to life and to heal this person or whatever and nothing happened.” Its because we are lacking in faith! Some of you may be thinking, “Well i prayed about this, and that, and God didnt answer me.” He did answer, we just didnt hear, he does each and everything for a purpose, we just cant see it. Like in the Bible it says that God has a plan for everything, his ways are perfect. Read Jeremiah 29:11. And the answer to, “How do i have faith?” You have faith by putting all your trust in God, having no doubt in your mind that he has a plan for you, he will help you. Now you cant just sit around and think, “oh God has a plan for me, you know, but everythings going wrong, he’s not helping me, he’s not showing me what to do.” he is showing you! you just cant see it. you cant sit and think everythings gonna be ok, you need to follow God as best you can, open your ears and eyes to Gods word, try to live it out. listen to God, he listens to you. if your in a bad situation and you know whats right, and you dont do it; the thing that was telling you, “you shouldnt do this, its wrong.” Was the Holy Spirit! He is talking to you, you just gotta listen. you gotta believe, trust, hope, and pray. Gods here, he understands, he cares.

  • NjeriGachuki

    Thank you for sharing!!
    “Ultimately, insecurity is about unbelief. We don’t believe that we are
    who God says that we are. The tentacles of insecurity started to loosen
    their grip on my heart when I finally chose to believe God’s Word about
    my worth and value and decided to let it be enough”

    Psalm 139:14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.

  • Kristy Parks

    Thank you, Erin. I really understand this part. I have been trying to find who I am in Christ, but my classmates keep up the teasing about being a nerd, short, and “sheltered.” There are many other people that they compliment as being “cute everyday.” It can be really hard when all I hear is teasing and not a single compliment. Unfortunately, some of my teachers have joined in the teasing. As I try to see what I am supposed to recognize, it has been very challenging. If you could give any other tips on confidence, I would appreciate it.

    • Carrie @ Revive Our Hearts

      I hope you don’t mind me jumping in on Erin’s behalf, Kristy Parks.

      Makes my heart sad to know the verbal “stuff” you’ve endured from both peers and adults. It’s not right, friend; you have suffered unjustly.

      Though you cannot change what has happened, you can change how you respond. You can begin today, as Erin mentioned, believing what is true because it’s what the Creator of the Universe says is true! You can begin to soak your heart and mind in the truth of God’s Word daily. You can ask Jesus to help you believe what you read.

      And as you do, sweet friend, you will begin to change. Your confidence will begin to grow as you realize the God of the Universe loves you infinitely more than you can ever imagine! That He sent His Son, Jesus, to die so that you could live in incredible freedom, joy, and hope; so that you could be free from the bondage of sin and captivity.

      Oh, my friend…you’ll begin to change as you get to know your God through His Word. Will you begin tonight? The book of Ephesians would be a great place for you to start. Commit today to spend 15 minutes each day reading in Ephesians. As you read make a list of: 1) What you learn about God, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit. What are they like? How do they respond? 2.) What you learn about you. What is true of you if you have not placed your faith in Jesus? What is true if you have placed your faith in Jesus? How are you to think, act, respond to those around you.

      I can hardly wait for you to get started, friend! You’re going to be amazed at all you see of our great God and how that will impact your confidence!

      Grace and peace,
      Carrie

  • hannah

    Thanks for this post

  • Gabriela

    I agree with the idea of this post, but I would only to clarify that I don’t think exercising or wearing make up and dressing up are signs of insecurity.

    We are still to honor God with our bodies. So if we exercise, we must do it with the mindset that it is for His glory and not ours. The same applies for make up and clothes.

    While I do think the line between exercising for God and for our own selfish ideas is very thin, it is possible. God calls us to be good, self-disciplined stewards of the body He has given us as a way to honor Him, despite our insecurities.

    • hannah

      I agree with you

  • Hey, so lately I’ve been struggling to do what God has called me to do. By this I mean, everyday things, like witness to someone, or pray for a certain individual, or give to someone in the day. I almost never do what He’s called me to do, and I get scared when I’m in public because I’m afraid he’ll call me to do something that’ll take me outta my comfort zone. How can I change my attitude about the situation, and start having more faith and less worry?

    • hannah

      I think we all get this way at some point but the way i got over this was by just going for yes it will feel uncomfortable but that is the only way to grow ur relationship with christ

      • Thank you for re replying!

        • hannah

          ur welcome. My Sunday school teacher told us a story a few weeks ago about going out to tell people about Jesus and are number one answer about not going was that it is scary to get turned down.

    • hannah

      yes i would also like a post on this topic

    • Hannah’s given you some great advice! Sometimes it does boil down to “just doing it”. Praying right before and acknowledging your fears but also your choice to trust in God regardless of the outcome is very helpful. And remember, sweet sister, if they reject what you are sharing, they are not rejecting you. You have not done anything wrong. You have obeyed the Lord and planted a seed. You can trust God to continue to water and nurture that seed in His timing and in His way.

  • Rachel W.

    I am sorry this is off topic, but I was wondering if someone could post about feminist friends? I have a friend who has some feminist ideas, and I would love some advice on how to talk to her and show her truth!

  • Camila

    Thank you so much! i really need this