Does God Still Reveal Whom We Should Marry?

From the We’re wrapping up 2017 with some of our top posts. We’re calling them “The Best of LYWB” because these are the posts that got the most attention from you, our readers, this year.

The Lord answered Abraham’s prayer for a wife for his son Isaac with a sign and a drinking jar (Gen. 24). He told Hosea exactly when he should seek a wife and what kind of woman she should be (Hos. 1:2). An angel came to Joseph in a dream and told him to take Mary to be his wife (Matt. 1:20).

Clearly when God wants to, He is capable of revealing exactly when and whom we should marry. But is that His standard operating procedure? Should single girls (and guys) everywhere be looking for a sign or waiting for God to download the name and location of a future spouse directly into their brains?

Probably not. Certainly God has been direct and specific in this area before and He can do it again. But there is danger in using your heart like a compass, pointing it toward this guy and that guy and hoping that God gives you a signal to start marching down the aisle. It is wise to seek God’s input as you look for a spouse, but as you do, here are three things to keep in mind.

1. Feelings aren’t facts.

When it comes to love and marriage, feelings aren’t the best barometer for God’s will. In the biblical accounts where God reveals a specific spouse, there is always something bigger than feelings used as a confirmation. Abraham’s servant prayed for a sign and saw it. Hosea heard directly from the Lord. Joseph was visited by an angel in a dream. If you feel like God is directing you toward a specific person to marry, ask for confirmation that goes beyond a “gut feeling.”

2. Stay tethered to the Word.

The Lord gave Hosea some very strange instructions for finding a wife.

When the LORD began to speak through Hosea, the LORD said to him, “Go, marry a promiscuous woman and have children with her, for like an adulterous wife this land is guilty of unfaithfulness to the LORD” (Hos. 1:2).

I tell you that story because it’s the exception to what I am going to write next. (And it was more about the bigger picture in the nation of Israel than it was about Gomer and Hosea’s marriage.)

If you want to know whom God wants you to marry, study God’s Word. There are many places in Scripture where God gives us guidelines for the kind of guy we should “yoke” our lives to. Rather than treating the will of God like a magic eight ball and hoping to hear a “yes,” “no,” or “reply hazy, try again,” listen to God’s voice by reading what He has already spoken.

Here are several posts from our archives that can help with that process.

I Found Your Perfect Man In Tennessee

Is He the One?

He Must Be a Leader

He Must Pray

He Must Bear Fruit

Will He Be A Good Husband?

What Kind of Guy Should You Date?

3. Stay surrendered.

If you will marry, when you will marry, and whom you will marry are big questions. The answers are even more significant. Instead of desiring God to make things easy on you and simply give you the name of a future groom and a chapel reservation, it is much wiser to stay surrendered to the Lord in this area.

Seek His will as a single woman. Seek His will as an engaged woman. Seek His will as a married woman. Don’t assume that once you become a Mrs. the hard work is done. The goal is not to find a guy and get hitched. The goal is to live surrendered to the will of God and committed to His agenda in all seasons.

About Author

Erin Davis

Erin is passionate about pointing young women toward God's Truth. She is the author of several books and a frequent speaker and blogger to women of all ages. Erin lives on a small farm in the midwest with her husband and kids. When she's not writing, you can find her herding goats, chickens, and children.

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  • Gabriela

    Thanks so much for this. I needed this and had been praying about this for a long time, and this is it, this is what I needed. Thanks again so much.
    May God continue to bless you and your ministry.

    Happy New Year!

    Love from South America♡

  • Evenstar

    Thank you for writing this!

    Merry belated Christmas!

  • rhýomai

    Thank you for this, I needed this very much right now. At first, I just thought that I could be with a Christian Man but when I finally met someone, still so much things to consider. Still praying for it because I might just hurt him at the end since what I think the important thing to consider is if his a Christian. I wish God just whisper it to me….:)

  • Emma!

    So I have some weird thoughts flying about my head… about dating. I always used to be the girl who stood on the outside was the “motherly” type to the younger friends and the little sister to the older ones. Rarely did I have peers that were my age, girls, or positive influences. I have gone through many many struggles in life physically but God has used all of them to draw me closer to Him. Recently I moved to FL with my family and have had many admirers of which I didn’t truly know what they all meant. They have all turned out to be immature boys and I was able to tell early on and was saved from heartache.

    Yet there is one guy, who I’ve met through close friends, that has pursued me well. He is cute, he is a christian, he has overcome so much, and has a sweet countenance. We have gone on one date and I did have fun! He alluded to more dates and such, so he enjoyed himself also. Yet a couple days later he asked me what else I enjoy doing and it made me panic with the idea of going on another date. But I don’t know why! This guy is very sweet. My family likes him, my friends, who have met him, like him. So why can’t I like him and want to spend more time with him? I mean I think there is a part of me that does like him… I am just confused… Not ready to settle maybe? All in all I don’t really have a question, but just am looking for advise? My best friend keeps telling me she is surprised that I am feeling this way because he is the type of guy I have always “wished” for.

    I would greatly appreciate any thoughts you might have on my rambling!

    Thank you,


    • Carrie @ Revive Our Hearts

      I’m sorry for the delay in responding to your comment, Emma. I was touched by your insightful observations about the feelings and fears you’re experiencing as you consider this man’s invitation to spend additional time together.

      Rather than attempting to reason away your emotions, would you consider pressing into those feelings and fears with Jesus? Our feelings and fears can be a tender invitation from Jesus to experience more of His peace and presence in our places of brokenness and shame.

      If Jesus were to ask, “Where are you, Emma? What is troubling you about all of this?” how would you respond? Take some time to express the depth and breadth of all that you’re feeling—doing this on paper is often helpful. Jesus always meets us right where we are, Emma—not where we once were, or hope to be someday, or even where we believe we “should” be.

      Jesus is with you, Emma. And He’s inviting you to experience more of who He is—more of the fullness of life and freedom, joy and peace that is yours in Christ.

      Praying for you on this journey today, Emma. The Spirit shows what is true and will come and guide you into the full truth… (John 16:13).

      Grace and peace,

  • Leah

    so I have this guy that I believe God has put on my heart to marry him, for quite a few years. I’m not married yet, and I dont expect to be anytime soon, but I believe that God is using me in this waiting period to be com closer and closer to him.