When Guy Friendships Are Easier Than Girl Friendships

“I get along so much easier with guys. They’re easier to talk with, easier to laugh with, and they don’t get caught up in the drama. Is it wrong that I prefer having close guy friends over close girlfriends?” Signed, Anonymous Girl.

I hear you, Anonymous Girl. Those same thoughts run through my mind sometimes, too.

Why do guy friendships seem to come so effortlessly and girl friendships seem to take so much work? Why are guy friendships often drama-free and girl friendships often drama-filled? Is it really important to invest into girl friendships, or will my guy friendships do?

I’m sure you’ve had some of those thoughts run through your mind. Maybe we all have. Deep in our hearts we know that having girl friendships is important, but we don’t like the idea of working hard to make them happen. Girls can be complicated. Guys tend to be, well . . . less complicated.

Even so, I genuinely believe that girl-to-girl friendships are a crucial aspect of our lives as single women. (And later as married women.) My life has been greatly impacted by my female friends, and I know yours will be, too.

As women, we can often share deeply, love strongly, and cry freely. We can pray through the real stuff together, hug each other, share in joys and sorrows together. We can ask each other the tough questions, be there during the difficult times, celebrate the good times, and laugh at the awkward moments.

Female friendships are a privilege! We get to keep each other accountable, challenge one another, and (the best part, lol) we get to talk about our love lives! Only girls can understand another girl’s perspective on love, right?

If you’ve ever thought, “Girl friendships are just too hard; I’m sticking with the guys,” I’d like you to consider these pros and cons of guy/girl girl/girl friendships. This isn’t an exhaustive list, but a few important lessons I’ve learned along the way.

3 Challenges of Close Guy Friendships

Challenge #1: Unwise emotional attachment often takes place.

When guys and girls are close friends, often someone becomes emotionally attached. One person just wants to “be friends” and the other person is left sad and brokenhearted. I’ve been there! If two people who are “just friends” develop a deep and emotionally driven friendship, one of them is bound to come out with a broken heart.

Challenge #2: There’s a temptation to share intimate details.

When a guy friend has a listening ear and we’ve got a lot going on, it can be really tempting to pour out our hearts to the closest guy friend available. If guy friends are all we’ve got, the temptation to open up and share the deepest parts of our heart with someone who isn’t our boyfriend or husband is hard to resist.

Challenge #3: The relationship can’t be maintained long-term.

Consider this: Once you’re married, is it beneficial to maintain deep friendships with guys who aren’t your husband? No way! It’s not wise or healthy. That means that all of your current deep guy friendships are all short-term. If you’re investing most of your time into guy friendships, what will you have once you get married? Who will stand up next to you in your wedding? Who will be there to laugh and cry with, to love, and to challenge you during your future marriage? Guy friendships just can’t realistically be maintained like that long-term.

In contrast . . .

3 Benefits of Close Girl Friendships

Benefit #1: We can be totally open and honest with each other.

When you’re sitting and drinking hot coffee across from a great girlfriend, you can be totally open and honest. You can share. She can share. She gets you! And true friendship can be enjoyed. These are the types of friendships we all need (and often desire) in our lives. These are the friends who will celebrate with us during the good and mourn with us during the bad. These friendships can be enjoyed knowing there isn’t the awkward potential of a “who likes who” ending.

Benefit #2: The options are endless.

You can head over to your friend’s place late at night, early in the morning, or even have a sleepover. (These are unwise times to drop by and see your guy friends.) The options are nearly endless. You can spend serious quality time together without worrying if it’s “too much.” You can just share, enjoy, and grow from the awesome friendship being developed. In fact, quality time is one of the best ways to grow a deep and meaningful relationship. Between girls it would be encouraged. Between a guy/girl, it’s a whole lot more complicated.

Benefit #3: Christ-centered love flows freely (and lasts!).

Learning how to give Christ-centered love is a constant need. It’s not easy to always give that to those we spend the most time with. Having a deep and meaningful relationship with Christian friends gives you the opportunity to truly practice loving her like Christ loves you, even when there’s drama! Not to mention this friendship has the ability to last long into the future. It doesn’t have to stop when one of you gets married. It can last for literally decades to come.

Choose to Invest

I hope you will choose to invest into girl friendships, despite the challenges. Female friendships are truly irreplaceable. I get that they don’t always come easily, but who said good things always come easily? Some of the best things take the most time and work.

I challenge you to make up your own list. What are some of the long-term pros and cons of having mostly close guy friendships? What are the pros and cons of having mostly close female friends? I’d love to hear your thoughts on this topic! Share with me in the comments below.

About Author

Bethany Baird

After a brief experience in the modeling industry, Bethany’s eyes were opened to how self-absorbed and lost her generation of young women really are. She and her older sister were inspired to start a blog (www.GirlDefined.com) and wrote a book Girl Defined: God’s Radical Design for Beauty, Femininity and Identity. Their passion is to help young women find God’s truth about beauty and womanhood and the freedom that comes from living a radically different life for Christ.

HEY, GIRLS! We love hearing from you, but feel limited in the ways we can help. For one thing, we’re not trained counselors. If you’re seeking counsel, we encourage you to talk to your pastor or a godly woman in your life as they’ll know more details and can provide you with ongoing accountability and help. Also, the following comments do not necessarily reflect the views of Revive Our Hearts. We reserve the right to remove comments which might be unhelpful, unsuitable, or inappropriate. We may edit or remove your comment if it:

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  • AliciaH

    i totally agree, but sometimes it is really hard to not spend ALL your time with guys. especially when you like to stay with your older Brother, so you can feel safe.

  • Kendra

    Why can’t guy friendships last after marriage? I think it could be nice to not always have a girlfriend who is going to side with you if you’re discussing something, and maybe have guy friends who can give you a guy’s perspective!

    • Charlotte

      Often you’ll find that if you honest friends that desire the best for you, they will not hesitate to hold you accountable and let you know if you’re way off base. Just because you’re both girls won’t mean you’ll always see things the same way.

  • Sarah G

    This is good, Bethany!! I agree 100%!! I love how you formatted the blog with the benefits & challenges!!

  • Spring

    Great thoughts! And very important! I need these as reminders as I am dealing with some friendships these days…

  • Anjola Adewale

    why is it bad to pour your heart out about challenges you have to your guy friend, if he is someone you can trust?
    Also, especially if he is your only Christian friends

    • Guys are tempted in different ways than we are and sometimes the things we are struggling with in our hearts, if shared, can become a temptation for them and lead them down a path they don’t need to go. They are created by God to be protectors and providers. They want to “fix” the things that are hurting us and that desire could lead them into sin as they seek to work through your issues with you.

      I know that may not make sense to you at this point, but when we get older and are married, the husband is someone a woman can confide in as he needs to know what you are struggling with so that he can protect, lead and provide for her needs. It is better for you to have a godly woman or girlfriend that you confide in rather than a guy at this point in your life.

      Check out this article:
      Guy Friendships and the 5 T’s http://www.liesyoungwomenbelieve.com/guy-friendships-and-the-five-ts/

  • Emilia

    I just don’t understand why I couldn’t be close friends with guys after marriage? If my husband can’t trust me, we shouldn’t be married at all.

    • Trust is essential in a marriage, Emilia! But you have to be very, very careful who you go to when you are struggling in your marriage. When you go to a guy besides your husband and share the intimate details of a struggle you have in your marriage, he will want to comfort you, protect you and do what he can to fix it. That can certainly lead to emotions taking you down a wrong, slow, slippery slope into infidelity. Not many people plan to be unfaithful to their husbands. It happens one decision, one choice at a time.

  • Erika

    Thank you very much for this post! It was very helpful and insighting for me!