How Do I Know If He Likes Me?

I’ve been answering girls’ questions about life, love, and God for over a decade. That’s a lot of questions. We talk about family and school, friends and beauty, but, not surprisingly, the majority of questions girls ask revolve around—wait for it—boys. No big surprise there! In fact, the number one question girls have asked me over the years is some variation of “How do I know if he likes me?”

Wouldn’t it be great to have a DNA test or maybe a Crushalyzer or something? Just to know for sure? Imagine the possibilities! Sneak a hair from his sweatshirt, or steal a breath as he walks by, and BAM!—instant results. It would be amazing. But since love-struck girls have yet to invent such a miraculous device, I’ll give you the only foolproof way I know of to be 100 percent certain that your crush returns your feelings. Are you ready for this? You’ll know he likes you if . . .

He tells you he likes you.

I hear your muffled sobs. I know it’s painfully anti-climactic, but until the moment you hear (or maybe read) those long-yearned-for words, you’re going to have to get comfortable with ambiguity—with trying to read the signs like a shrimp lost in the Sargasso Sea. I feel your pain. I really do. It stinks to not be omniscient (to know everything), but there you have it.

When a guy takes a genuine liking to a girl, something in his testosterone-pumping body pushes him to do something about it. God wired guys that way. Our culture, and relationally-aggressive girls, have messed with it, belittled it, and all but stomped it out, but deep down a guy wants to pursue a girl like the battle-worn knight of tales gone by. He was made for it (among other things, of course).

The good news is that you don’t have to sit on your bed twiddling your thumbs while you wait for the day when his feelings flip for you, or he musters the courage to tell you he’s loved you from afar all this time. No way! You’ve got a lot of life to live today, and your purpose, dreams, talents, and opportunities to serve others don’t depend on having that cutie-pants pursue you.

So where do you go from here? Here are six places to start:

  1. Be you.
    Not what you think he wants in a girl.
  2. Be kind.
    To him and to everyone else that crosses your path today.
  3. Don’t push it.
    You could tell him how you feel, but if he doesn’t return your feelings, you’ll probably push him away. (If he did feel the same way, he probably would have made sure you knew it.)
  4. Wait on God.
    He’s got your best in mind, and you can trust His plan for your love life!
  5. Get busy.
    Life is too short to waste love-sick thoughts and emotions on someone who may or may not return your feelings. So get out there and live your life!
  6. Prepare your heart.
    Get your mind and emotions in the right place by reading a book like Crushed: Why Guys Don’t Have to Make or Break You or another book that will help you know who you are and what you’re looking for in a guy and relationship.

I’ll be working on that DNA test (which will make me a millionaire, no doubt), but in the meantime, I hope this helps relieve the pressure of guessing today and gives you a bit of hope for tomorrow.

About Author

Jessie Minassian

Jessie Minassian is a speaker, blogger, and the author of ten books and Bible studies, including Crushed, Unashamed, and Backwards Beauty. She is the "resident big sis" at LifeLoveandGod.com, a Q&A website for teen girls. Her work for teens and their parents has been featured internationally through outlets such as Focus on the Family, Parenting Today’s Teens, She Reads Truth, Axis, Revive Our Hearts and YouthWorker Journal. She and her husband live and serve at Hume Lake Christian Camps in California, and have two daughters.

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  • Kyla Peterson

    I’ve followed these steps my whole life and I am in a datesip/courtship now. I wouldn’t have done it any other way! Thanks for sharing Jessie!

  • Michaela

    This is so encouraging for me. I’m 17 and I’m kinda having guys talk with me. I don’t really talk to guys much but there is a guy in my youth group that talks a lot to me and laughs a lot. But it truly is hard to stay pure (which I’ve never had a boyfriend before ) and wait for the right Godly man. I’ve been content about this awhile but now it is starting to get hard for me with my brother who is 15 and flirts with lots of girls. I’m going to stay pure. 🙂

    • ChristianGirl

      Micheala, good for you to try and stay pure! Your purity is a precious gift from God. I understand it can be hard to stay pure and wait especially when those around us are flirting with the opposite gender. Trust in God, Micheala and I suggest praying for your brother and being an example to him.

  • Photochick24

    Hello! I love your posts! I just have a problem.. what do you do if a guy tells you he likes you, and you like him back.. but the catch is, this guy is a incredibly soft, naive guy, that is so sweet but almost to nice.. I feel like he’s to much a go with the flow and I feel that he’s not strong willed enough to be a man I’d want to date with intentions…

    • Latisha Musser

      First off, pray about it! The bible says that God cares about every detail and will give us wisdom if we ask for it. Second of all, be honest with him… don’t lead him along. Guys in my life have said that really it hurts way less if you are honest and upfront instead of leading them on or beating around the bush.

      • Michaela

        I don’t really talk or answer guys, but just listen. But yeah, I just don’t know if he likes me or not because he looks at me a lot at church and talks to me.

  • Alis Peña

    Hi! I just want to say I loved this post so so much❤ I’m a 18 year-old girl from DR. I used to have a crush on a guy who never talk to me since 6th grade until I decided to stop liking him on 9th grade at the beginning of 2014 (now three years ago). Now, I’m going to graduate from high school this year in June and I still want to finish my high school studies. I never have a boyfriend, I never ever been kissed or something like that… but I always focus on my studies and I don’t want a boyfriend right now, only to know if he likes me back. I stayed pure to wait on God until marriage. Jesus loves you Jessie and thank you for the post!💕

  • ChristianGirl

    Last spring I’ve had a guy I didn’t even know tell me he likes me. I passed (and still do) to my math class. Even though I was surprised to hear this, he wasn’t awkward or anything. Back in the fall, a different guy showed me his feelings and I don’t return them, so I tried to let him down gently (he’s still human and was still given the ability to feel). For me, if a guy likes me, I get uncomfortable with it if he pushes it and makes me feel awkward

    • Savannah

      I know how you feel, I have this guy in my school and really likes me and I don’t return the feeling.

      • ChristianGirl

        How do you respond to it? So far I’ve handled it by ignoring him.

  • Savannah

    It was kinda funny I read this blog the day it came out and I had begun to realize I really like my BEST FRIEND. And I had thought this whole time that he liked another girl so I didn’t say anything. But about a week later he told me he liked me and we are both completely pure, we have never had any physical contact with anyone and want to keep it like that. What should we do? Any thoughts?

    • I’m so glad that you’ve decided to keep the physical connection with your friend to a minimum. It is important that you establish firm boundaries in your relationship if you plan to keep it without any physical contact. Plan NOW for what you will do in certain situations. It is also helpful to share your plans with a close friend (s) who can encourage you, support you and hold you accountable to staying within your boundaries. I’m praying for you, Savannah! Check out this article: 23 Guidelines to Protect Your Purity: http://www.liesyoungwomenbelieve.com/23-guidelines-to-protect-your-purity/