How I Lost My Parents’ Trust

I recently hung out with a teen whose parents don’t trust her ‘cause of what she’s done. It’s a crummy place to be—trust me—and it reminded me of my own experience as a teen. It went something like this:  

girl with parentsGrowing up, I had super.protective.parents. We didn’t have any major problems, though, until we moved from Nebraska to Illinois my eighth grade year. The school was itty-bitty (fourteen kids in my whole grade!), so I didn’t exactly have a whole lot of options when it came to choosing wise friends. It wasn’t long before they were encouraging me to do things behind my parents’ backs. And that’s exactly what I did.  

One particular day, I wrote one of my old friends from Nebraska the latest news in a letter (yep, that was before Facebook!). My friend wrote back, but instead of addressing the envelope to "phendricks," she wrote my nickname on the envelope (thanks a lot!). When my parents saw the letter in the mail, they didn’t know who it was for. So they opened it. And read it. And this is what they read: "I can’t believe you’re dating Craig* behind your parents’ backs!"

That verse in Numbers 32:23: "Be sure your sin will find you out"? Well, it’s true! That was probably the first seed of distrust that was (rightfully) planted in my parents’ hearts. And guess what they did? Like any good parents, they prayed that God would help them find out whenever I was up to something bad. And He answered their prayer time and time again! It wasn’t long before they knew I couldn’t be trusted.

As much as I hated my parents during that time for "reading my mail" and being so strict, I have to say that they were right. I was a deceiver. I lied. A lot. I don’t know if you can relate, but it’s not a fun way to live. Always wondering if you’ll be found out. And then when you are, having the people closest to you not know if anything you say is true.

How about you? Have you given your parents (or others) any reason NOT to trust you? Are you one person around them and a different person entirely when you think they’re not looking? (Or am I the only one?)

I’d love to hear your answer. Then check back next Wednesday as I share a few thoughts about how to regain your parents’ trust.

*Name changed

About Author

Paula Marsteller

Paula no longer tries to catch guys' attention by swallowing live goldfish, arm wrestling, and jumping down flights of stairs. (She's married to a wonderful man now!) She spends her days caring for her son, Iren, and writing for Revive Our Hearts. She's the author of Confessions of a Boy-Crazy Girl: On Her Journey from Neediness to Freedom, and she and her family live in New York.

HEY, GIRLS! We love hearing from you, but feel limited in the ways we can help. For one thing, we’re not trained counselors. If you’re seeking counsel, we encourage you to talk to your pastor or a godly woman in your life as they’ll know more details and can provide you with ongoing accountability and help. Also, the following comments do not necessarily reflect the views of Revive Our Hearts. We reserve the right to remove comments which might be unhelpful, unsuitable, or inappropriate. We may edit or remove your comment if it:

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  • payal

    I am a 28 yr old Indian girl. I went with my bf to a trip. Post that my mum feigned a heart attack to know if i have slept with him. I don’t trust my parents anymore. They made me break up from him and now i am not able to trust anyone at all. I am completely devastated..

    • Payal,

      I”m sorry for the pain in your life right now, Payal! I encourage you to go to God and pour out your heart to Him. The Bible says in Ps. 62:5-8: “For God alone, O my soul, wait in silence, for my hope is from him. He only is my rock and my salvation, my fortress; I shall not be shaken. On God rests my salvation and my glory; my mighty rock, my refuge is God. Trust in him at all times, O people; pour out your heart before him; God is a refuge for us.” He knows what is going on in your life, Payal. He has a way to get through this and restore the relationship you need and want with your parents. I’m praying for you this afternoon. May God guide you in the days ahead and may He pour out His grace on your family and restore the trust that is needed to have a healthy relationship between all of you. May He heal the wounds that words and actions have caused and may He take all this and use it for your good and for His glory.

      Serving Him,
      Lorree

  • Tanisha

    As of right now, I am struggling to regain my parents’ trust. I’ve done something horrible. My bf and I were out of school so we decided to hang out at my house, since no one was there. We were watching a movie and then it spiraled into something else. My dad walked through the door and saw everything. I consider myself a master of subterfuge, but even I couldn’t get out of this one. So i decided to tell the truth, accept my punishment and sincerely apologize… a lot. Since then I wasn’t allowed to talk to him over the phone. But I have been doing it anyway… We’ve been talking the whole 3 months that we were’nt supposed to be. I feel so incredibly bad about it. Should I admit to my fault? Or should I keep quiet? This ongoing battle has been going on in my head the whole time and the guilt is driving me crazy! My mom is considering letting me talk to him again soon. But I know if I lie again by saying we have had no contact this whole time just to keep out of trouble that I will only feel worse! I have tried praying about it but He’s not answering them yet. What should I do?

    • Paula Hendricks

      Dear Tanisha,

      Thanks for sharing, Tanisha. You said you haven’t heard God answer your prayers about what to do, but He has! In John 14:6 Jesus tells us that He is the Truth. Truth isn’t just a thing; truth is a Person. And this Person created you, Tanisha, in His image in order to reflect His character to this world.

      The first thing you need to do is repent to Him. You’ve ultimately sinned against Him. That means not just confessing that you’ve lied, but turning from it. Admitting to the truth. Pursuing Truth (the Person, Jesus Christ). He came into this world to live the life you and I couldn’t live–a life of perfect truthfulness. Then He died a substitutionary death for you and me, to pay the penalty that our lying deserved from a Truthful, Righteous Judge.

      If you confess your sins (1 John 1:9), he promises that He will be “faithful and just to forgive you your sins and to cleanse you from all unrighteousness.” There’s a big “IF” at the beginning of that sentence. If you want God’s forgiveness, you need to first confess your sins–to Him, and to your parents.

      Beyond confession, I encourage you to end this relationship and seek help from women who know God and can help mentor you.

      Praying for you now,

      paula

  • Rose

    Hello, I know this article was posted a while ago, but I need some advice, and maybe you can help. I have had a habit of lying throughout my childhood. It started with reading books that my mom didn’t approve of, hiding them, and lying about reading them. Lying about reading, right? I know. Other things happened, honestly so many little things that I can’t really remember all of them, but basically, the pattern was: lie, apologize, be forgiven but not forgotten, work to regain trust, etc. repeat. So the other day, I was with a friend and we met these guys. They seemed nice, and we started talking; that night, the one guy texted me and we continued talking that weekend. He said he wanted to hang out and “teach me how to French kiss.” I wanted to meet in a public place, but I agreed to meet him. I knew what I was doing. I planned the whole thing out without telling my parents, because they didn’t even know I was talking to him. I went, borrowing my mom’s car, and after getting coffee, we went back to the car, where we made out, but literally nothing else happened. It was almost dark, but it was in a parking lot near a busy road. Apparently I was seen by a neighbor who told my mom, and she also said later that her car smelled funny. The next night she began passive aggressively interrogating me, and I broke down and told her the truth. She was devastated, still is, and now has lost all trust in me. She is mostly worried for my safety, understandably. I know it was completely wrong, not only because I barely knew him, but I just don’t know what to do now. She says I can never drive ever again, and she isn’t sure of what else I am forbidden to do. How can I show her I am not going to make the same mistake again, when she won’t give me the chance to try? Any advice here at all? Thanks for listening <3

    • Oh, Rose, I am so sorry that you are suffering the consequences of your sin. If I can be totally honest with you, because lying has become a pattern of behavior for you, it may be that you will have to deal with some pretty severe consequences this time. You aren’t just telling “little white lies” anymore, you are headed into dangerous territory. Your parents love you and any consequences they dish out right now are based out of their love and concern for you and for the poor choices you are making right now.

      First you need to seek God’s forgiveness. He is faithful and just and He will forgive your sin (1 Jn. 1:9). Your challenge after receiving His forgiveness is to follow Jesus command “Go and sin no more.” (Jn. 8:11) Repentance means to turn away from your sin and go 180 degrees in the opposite direction. It’s not just saying “I’m sorry.” It’s choosing to make some big changes in your patterns of behavior.

      There are a couple of blogs that may help you. Would you take the time to read and pray through these asking God to guide you in what to do to make some significant changes in your life?

      How to Get Your Parent’s Trust Back: http://www.liesyoungwomenbelieve.com/how-to-get-your-parents-trust-back/

      Sixteen Ways to Improve Your Relationship with Your Parents: http://www.liesyoungwomenbelieve.com/sixteen-ways-to-improve-your-relationship-with-your-parents/

      We must always remember that if we have received Christ as our Savior, we are the daughters of the King. Everything we do and say reflect on our Father (both our earthly father and heavenly Father). Our Father God can not lie (Nu. 23:19). He is trustworthy and faithful (Lam. 3:23). We should emulate those characteristics in our own lives.

      Would you take your Bible and go to the concordance in the back? Look up all the verses on “lying”. Read and take to heart God’s thoughts on lying. It’s going to take time, Rose. But as you consistently speak truth to your parents, they will learn to trust that they can take you at your word again.

      I’m praying for you, Rose. I’m asking God to begin to change your heart, give you discernment and wisdom and the ability to learn from your past mistakes as you choose to make some major changes in your habits.

  • Sally

    Hi I know that this was posted ages ago but I need help. I’m quite young and my friend told me to hang out at her house she was really pestering me with it but I knew my mum wouldn’t let me go there after school. So anyway I went there stupidly and now my mum and her mum are going to meet each other and I’m scared her mum will tell my mum about me going to her house. I’m really scared and I didn’t know what I was doing I should have told my mum. But I didn’t. I need help what should I do. If she finds out she will never ever trust me again.

    • The best thing you can do, Sally, is go to your mom and confess this to her before she hears it from someone else. You went against her wishes and you knew it when you did it. Go to her. Let her know you need to talk to her. And then be honest with her. You may have to deal with some consequences. But she will be thankful that you have been honest and she can help you think through how to handle your friend if this happens again so that you won’t end up sinning. She loves you, Sally. God has given her to you to help you learn how to navigate tough issues like this in the right way. And over time, she will learn to trust you again! I’m praying for your courage to do this!

  • Destiny

    hi iam 16 years old and my parents are super strict about dating. I have always been this “perfect” little girl to them. I have this guy best friend and well we like each other. So we started talking on more serious terms and well my parents know. He was planning to talk to them in 3 months so that he had the permission to date me. …..Well yesterday he came to visit me and at school and we kissed and hugged and my brother saw that and immediately called my mom. When i got home my mom was crying and mad dad was super disappointed. They said how i completely lost their trust and now i cant talk to him at all, but he was really special to me and it hurts. my parents wont even look at me and avoid me . This morning i woke up and my mom was crying but she wouldn’t talk to me …. i am hurting .. i feel like everything around me is falling.. help?

    • I’m so sorry to hear that this happened and that you are struggling so, Destiny! I encourage you to start by asking your parents to forgive you. Tell them everything that has been going on between you and this guy so that they aren’t caught off guard later on by finding out something that you didn’t tell them. Regaining their trust is going to take time and will be a process. Check out this blog:

      How to Get Your Parent’s Trust Back: http://www.liesyoungwomenbelieve.com/how-to-get-your-parents-trust-back/

      The best thing you can do for yourself is to immerse yourself in God’s Word. Journal your thoughts and concerns to Him. Seek His guidance and comfort as you choose to trust your relationship with your parents and your relationship with this guy to Him. You can’t change what happened. But you can move forward choosing to focus on God, and choosing to live in submission under the authority of your parents as you walk in obedience to Christ. Although it may not seem possible, I want to assure you that God can work in the hearts of all involved and bring good out of this. I’m praying for you, Destiny!

  • Savana Way

    I know this was 3 years ago but I thought I should write this quote down for you… When the devil reminds you of your past remind him of his future!

  • Rachel

    hello

    • Rachel

      so i have recently moved to a new school and its hard to fit in. so this guy started texting me and being super nice so obviously i texted him back. then he started being inappropriate, and i dont know why i did it, but i flirted back. and i took screenshots to send to my friend, then i would later delete them. i guess i forgot to delete some because my parents discovered them, furious. i’ve always been considered this perfect girl, and they didnt see it coming i guess. i regret it all the time, its all i think about. ive blocked the guy, but i am scared he will show the conversations to other people and ruin my reputation. also i dont know how to get my parents trust back, its so tense between us now. please help, i feel sick with regret.

      • Carrie @ Revive Our Hearts

        Sexting is serious trouble, Rachel. Erin’s post, “What’s
        the Big Deal About Sexting” ( http://www.liesyoungwomenbelieve.com/whats-the-big-deal-about-sexting/), will help you understand why your parents are so deeply concerned.

        Our sin is always first against God and then against others. Acknowledging our sin means agreeing with God that it is wrong. Repenting of our sin means turning away from that which is wrong and turning toward righteousness – that which is right. These posts will help you understand the importance of repentance:

        http://www.liesyoungwomenbelieve.com/cheeseburgers-and-closet-sins/

        Lessons In Repentance http://www.truewoman.com/?id=2655

        · Confessing Your
        Secrets to the Lord http://www.truewoman.com/?id=3035

        · Does Darkness or Light
        Cover Your Sins http://www.truewoman.com/?id=3041

        Once you’ve repented of your sins before God, Rachel, you then need to seek the forgiveness of those you’ve wronged…beginning with your parents.

        Yes, there will be consequences to your sin, but walking in the freedom of knowing you are forgiven by God and those you’ve wronged enables you to bear the weight of the consequences.

        Praying your life will never be the same, dear friend. Because you will come to know the love, forgiveness and joy of walking in the ways of Jesus.

        Grace and peace,
        Carrie

  • Hey! So, this was totally me. I mean, I was in this “unofficial relationship” with this guy, some inappropriate stuff was said, my parents found out, I repented, and now everything between me and them is going fine. This was several months ago. The only issue is… I’m having trouble forgiving myself. I’m the oldest kid in my family AND the oldest cousin on both sides, so I’ve always felt this immense pressure to be the “perfect” one, the example setter, and now I feel like such a failure. Not only do I have all the regret from that, but my schoolwork has been so much harder lately, and basically everything I’m supposed to be good at I’m completely failing and it’s really hard to not hate myself. I KNOW my worth is found in God and not in anything that I do, but it seems like everyone is irritable with me these days and it’s all my fault cause I just can’t get anything right. Any advice?

    • Carrie @ Revive Our Hearts

      Sweet friend, you are a failure…you haven’t in the past, nor will you ever in the future live a perfect life. The reason? You’re a sinner. You, me, and the rest of
      humanity are born in sin (Rom. 3:23); we’re dead in our trespasses and sins (Eph.
      2:1). Because sin is not just something we do – it’s who we are, apart from faith in Jesus Christ.

      That’s why the gospel is “good news”. The good news is that when we place our faith in Jesus’ life, death, and resurrection (and not in our own “good works”) Jesus gives us His righteousness. He forgives our sins (past, present, future). He lives in us through the Holy Spirit.

      The gospel isn’t just for those who are unsaved…even when we’ve placed our faith in Jesus we need His life, death, and resurrection every day! You don’t need to forgive yourself, friend; you need to believe that you are forgiven by God of the Universe
      because of Jesus’ life, death, and resurrection. You need to live out of that
      truth!

      When you’re able , take some time to listen to these broadcast series from Revive Our Hearts http://tinyurl.com/chuc26w and http://tinyurl.com/kv7k7px. They’ll help you in the situation you’ve described.

      Blessings to you, sweet friend!

      Grace and peace,

      Carrie

  • Annika

    I am supposed to wear my retainer 22 hrs a day and whenever I get caught without it my parents yell at me, and there’s just little things I do that piss them off. my mom is a risk manager and my dad is a juvenile counselor. they are SUPER strict.

  • kim

    my mom is super protective! she doesnt let me date a guy nor let me out with friends. i have done so much bad things behind her back and im even dating a guy behind her back. she knows the guy but she doesnt approve, she thinks i dont talk to him anymore but i still do. its really hrd to see each other because h doesnt go to my high school. i sometimes sneak him in the house at night or i sneak out at night. and i also sometimes skip school to see him. im scared that maybe hel get tired of this and end up leaving me. i need some advice and help if possible. please pray for me

    • phendricks

      Dear Kim,

      I am really concerned for you. Rather than being scared of whether this guy will leave, you should be scared of the fact that you will answer to God for this. He commands that we honor and obey our parents, whether we think they’re too strict or not.

      I, too, wasn’t allowed to do almost anything when I was a teen, and now I look back with gratefulness, seeing how God used that to protect me.

      Any guy who is willing to sneak around behind your parents’ backs is not the kind of guy you can trust. How do you know he won’t also sneak around behind your back? If he really loved you, he would approach your parents or wait for you, but he would not encourage you to sneak around. This is not love; it is lust. And lust is cheap.

      I pray that you will come to know how very real God is, and how very real His love is for you, and how very real His coming judgment is, and that you will run to Jesus and live openly and honestly with your parents.

      Love,

      paula

      • kim

        thanks for your advice! i really appreciate it

  • Allyyy

    I lied to my parents about my grades in college telling them everything was okay and I was doing great! A couple of days ago I got suspended due to bad grades! When I told my parents the one thing my mother kept repeating was how this is the most disappointed she has ever been not because I got suspended but because she had always trusted me about everything and that I betrayed her by not letting her know that I wasn’t actually doing well in college and that I was actually failing most of my classes! I know how huge of a betrayal this is but my parents have never been more disappointed and I really want to regain their trust! Please tell me if you know of any ways I can do this! I know it’s not going to be simple but I will try anything! The main reason I lied was I didn’t want them to be upset or disappointed and was imbaresed about not doing well ( since everyone around me was doing great and my brother excels at his studies) I know I am to blame and that I didn’t put any effort in but by not telling them I ended up disappointing them to their maxes! As well as hurting them in a way I never expected I could! If you could give me a few word of wisdom on how you regained your parents trust that would help a lot!!!

    • Allyyy,

      Trust is vital in any relationship. When that trust has been shattered, it takes time to reestablish that again. We’re so sorry to hear of the pain you are experiencing because you chose not to be honest with your parents.

      Our words are critical in our lives because everything we do and say represents Christ. He is the Way, the Truth and the Life (Jn. 14:6). God tells us that He hates lying lips (Prov. 12:22). But God is a forgiving God and patiently waits to pour out His grace and forgiveness on our hearts and lives as we agree with Him about the sin in our lives and seek His forgiveness (1Jn.1:9). It is important, Allyyy that you seek God’s forgiveness as well as the forgiveness of your parents.

      Let your parents know that you were wrong in not telling the truth and not asking for their help and ask them to forgive you. They love you. They are given to you by God to help you. Sometimes we forget that they are on our side – willing to walk through all kinds of stuff to help us. From here on in, every word that comes out of your mouth to your parents or to anyone for that matter, needs to be the truth. Because of your lying, your word will be in question now, so everything you do and say may be questioned until they learn that you are trustworthy again.

      Here’s the blog where Paula shares how she worked through losing her parent’s trust.

      How to Get Your Parent’s Trust Back: https://www.liesyoungwomenbelieve.com/how-to-get-your-parents-trust-back/

      I also want to share with you some insights by Pastor John Piper:

      Sixteen Ways to Improve Your Relationship with Your Parents https://www.liesyoungwomenbelieve.com/sixteen-ways-to-improve-your-relationship-with-your-parents/

      I’m praying for you, Allyyy, asking God to give you the courage to talk openly and honestly with your parents but also that He will give you the courage to admit when you need help and to do all you can to reestablish the trust you need with your parents.

      Serving Him,

      Lorree

  • disqus_6sliIkQGHM

    I have been dating a guy for almost a year now and he is a really good guy he help me a lot in my studies also in my problems. My parents wont allow me to have this kind of relationship till i graduate. There are times i have to lie so that we could date. Last night i chrged my phone and found out it was unlock and i am certain my dad read our conversations. I am really scared sad and i think of killing myself. I feel ashamed. I cant face my parents. Please help me.v

    • Carrie @ Revive Our Hearts

      Oh, precious friend, I am praying right now that you would come to know and believe the love of Jesus for you…that you would be in awe of His lavish, extravagant, pursuing love and kindnesses. That you would realize the fear and despair you’re feeling are not primarily the result of your parent’s discovery, but rather flow in response to the shame and guilt of living contrary to the ways of God.

      Know this, friend, there is hope and help and His name is Jesus. Cry out to Him…acknowledge that you’ve lied, rebelled against your parents, and against God’s ways. Tell God you don’t want to hide anymore…that you’re owning what you’ve done and you want to live in a way that honors Him. He delights to answer our cries for help.

      Be honest with your parents; seek their forgiveness for the ways you’ve offended them. Realize there will be consequences for your actions, but the freedom of having a clear conscience is SO worth the price you’ll pay.

      When you’re able, I think you’ll be encouraged by this Revive Our Hearts series on getting things right with God and with others (https://www.reviveourhearts.com/series/seeking-him-clear-conscience/).

      In repentance and rest you shall be saved, in quietness and trust is your strength. But you were not willing… Therefore the LORD longs to be gracious to you, and therefore He waits on high to have compassion on you. He will surely be gracious to you at the sound of your cry; when He hears it, He will answer you ( Is. 30:15,18-19).

      Grace and peace,
      Carrie

      P.S.

      P.S. I am sorry you have considered taking your own life. We believe life is sacred and God always has a purpose for each person’s life. In light of that, should you again have suicidal thoughts, do call the National Suicide Hotline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255), or go to the Emergency Room of the nearest hospital. If these are not possible for you, call 911

      ________________________________________

  • Samantha Tyus

    my mom recently took my phone because i would text boys and fluently curse behind her back without telling her this has happened twice the first time i apologized about it and she forgave me and told me to delete all the contacts who were boys including my bestfriend who happened to be one (and i did) and from time to time she would occasionally check my phone. 3 weeks later my bestfriend texted me asking what was going on and why i havent been texting him, and all i told him was that my parents are strict and they took away my phone, so we started to text again going against what my mother said, because in my head it was all ” texting one boy wouldnt do any harm”, well it did and she caught me and it wasnt like i didnt know what i was doing was wrong trust me i was fully aware, but my mother thinks that every guy i talk to i see them as someone i like which i dont. Also mind you i would curse in my texts alot which made it worse i would also talk bad about my parents and how strict and aggravating they were, which made it harder to bear listening to when she read out loud because i could hardly believe myself when i realized what i had said about them. Either way i accepted the consequences with her taking my phone again but now i feel even more ashamed than the first time now i think i have fully lost all trust with my mother and i think she hates me at the most, i stay cooped up inside my room not wanting to come out, i dont eat, i have suicidal thoughts, she has told me to get out of her house which i have been thinking about actually running away, its not helping the fact that i go back to school next week, at this point in time right now i really just dont want to live because not only have i disrespected my parents and felt like i let them down but i feel as though i shouldnt even show my face to them especially my mom. Bad thoughts are quickly consuming my mind and i dont know what to do all im asking for is some advice, help or something to even build even if just a little trust back with my mother because i felt like ive ruined everything with her at this point and she was the only person i had who now i know actually cared for me while i was too blind to see it at the time. i just want my mother to know i do love, respect, and cherish her even though at times i do get angry with her rules here and there.

    • Dear Sam,

      I’m so sorry. Our sin always destroys relationships–our relationships with others, and ultimately, it destroyed our intimate relationship with a beautiful, wonderful God (see Genesis 3).

      Killing yourself will not fix matters at all. The shame you are feeling now would be nothing compared to the shame you would feel when you stood before God a second later with the knowledge that you had taken the life He had given you.

      2 Corinthians 7:10 tells us about two kinds of grief. It says, “Godly grief produces a repentance that leads to salvation without regret, whereas worldly grief produces death.” What you’re feeling right now is worldly grief that only produces death.

      What you need is a godly grief that leads you to repentance. Cry out to God for this. Pursue it. Choose it.

      Repentance is acknowledging that you have sinned. You have not honored and obeyed your parents. Confess that as sin to God and to your parents. And then turn and run in the opposite direction. Begin to actively honor your parents. Not to manipulate them or to ease your guilt, but out of obedience to God’s command.

      And most of all, trust in Christ, who became sin for you, so that you might become the righteousness of God. If you will trust in Him to be your goodness and cleanness, Samantha, He will forgive you and cleanse you and heal you and draw you close to Himself and love you. He will discipline you *for your good,* using this painful season to make you look more like His beautiful Son. There is no greater gift. There is no greater Person. There is no greater love.

      Does this make sense?

      Let me know,

      paula

      • Samantha Tyus

        yes, but im still not sure how to apologize to my mother, seeing as this is the second time i’ve done this

        • Hey, Sam,

          I think that would look like confessing specifically how you’ve wronged her, as well as asking her “Will you forgive me?” (rather than just “I’m sorry.”). It’s pretty simple, really. You don’t have to craft perfect words. You can’t make her forgive you, and she may not respond graciously, but her response is not your responsibility; you are only responsible for taking ownership for yourself and your sin.

          I don’t know you or your mom, but if face-to-face would end up bad, you might consider writing her a letter. If you can talk to her, though, that would probably be ideal.

          Praying for you now. Let me know how it goes,

          paula

          PS: I forgot to include this in my last note, but if you should have suicidal thoughts again, call the National Suicide Hotline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255), or go to the Emergency Room of the nearest hospital. If these are not possible for you, then call 911.

  • Lexi

    Hi my name is Lexi, I’ve almost always had an amazing relationship with my parents. Very open, communication was big, I have an older sister who always gets into trouble with them. So over the past years I’ve been told I was a perfect child. Good grades, a black belt, started teaching taekwondo in high school, everything was amazing. However one day in my first semester of college I drove to school and parked in a garage. I was really excited about going to this movie later that night and my family was also going out to eat at this really fancy restaurant to celebrate my fathers retirement. I was running late on time so I got in the car and started it and when I began leaving I turned to sharp and clipped the car next to me. I had never been in a siguation like that before and I was shocked, scared, Afriad, mad at myself. And I did the LAST thing anyone in that siguation should do. I drove away and ran. When I got home I confronted my mother but lied to her saying someone had clipped me pushing my car into someone else’s and I damaged their car more when trying to get out of the lot. I did this because in my mind it would ruin the image of their perfect child and ruin the dinner that was to be held later that night. Well I called the lot security back out of fear and was told to go down. I explained what happened to the police and was extremely honest but the paperwork I had was expired so they called my parents and the next thing I knew my parents were terribly mad at learning the truth threw someone else. That night I lost so much trust and my father told me he didn’t understand why I didn’t come to him and straight up tell him that he thought we had a better relationship then that. I took total responsibility and the cop let me off with a warning instead of a misdemeanor, my parents didn’t act much on it punishment wise, but knowing I lost all of their trust is killing me inside. I regret everything I did that day and can’t find it in me to even forgive myself…. I just want their trust back….

    • I’m so sorry to hear of the struggles you are now facing because you chose not to trust your parents with the truth. I won’t sugar coat it – it will take time for them to begin to trust you again. It will take lots of hard work and open communication on your part to begin to repair that relationship.

      You may have already done this, but it is so important to seek their forgiveness. You might also ask them what they would like you to do to gain their trust back. You’ve done the right thing in regards to the law and we are proud of you for that. But it is important to do all you can to do the right thing in the eyes of your parent’s.

      Here’s a couple of blog posts to give you some ideas and some hope. We are praying for you, Lexi!

      How to Get Your Parent’s
      Trust Back http://www.liesyoungwomenbelieve.com/how-to-get-your-parents-trust-back/

      What to Do When Your Parents Don’t Trust You http://www.liesyoungwomenbelieve.com/what-to-do-when-your-parents-dont-trust-you/

  • Rachelle

    Hi my name is Rachelle. I am 24, not really that young anymore but I still live with my parents and i am a full time student working on my bachelor’s degree. I am the oldest of three and there’s a lot of pressure on me. when i was younger I used to tell little white lies and my parents disciplined me accordingly. Once I reached my adolescent years I gained an interest in boys. I started getting in trouble about boys when I started attending a public high school. I finally got a cellphone an i began texting people all day, in the middle of the night when my sister fell asleep and i even got a Facebook against my parents’ wishes. this continued from 10th grade till I graduated. I got caught texting and sexting multiple times, regained trust and lost it again. Once I started my freshman year of college I had already had a boyfriend that I wasn’t supposed to and my virtue didn’t survive senior year. When I broke up with my bf I spiraled out of control and gave it up to anyone who was willing to have me. I’m not proud to say this and it hurts. I began going online into chat-rooms and sexting men who were interested because I thought no one else was. when my parents found out they went crazy and didn’t trust me. once I got back their trust I did it three more times and i feel horrible. now they feel like i don’t care about them at all and that’s the furthest thing from the truth. I didn’t realize that all the things i was doing to myself affected them too.I just wanted to have a relationship and be what they considered an adult. but i realize that what I’ve done only makes me more of a child than I thought. my bad behavior turned into a bad habit of sex and lies. Right now they don’t trust me but they still keep being nice to me and it makes me feel worse. Iv’e repented and told them everything that I did to get myself in this situation. although I’ve lied in the past to them I’m willing to tell them the truth no matter what but sometimes they don’t believe me at all. I want to gain their trust back before I have to go to law school and possibly loose the relationship that we had prior to my most recent screw-up. please someone help me.

    • Our hearts go out to you as we hear of the consequences you are bearing because of your past sin. It sounds like you have done the right thing in confessing your sins to your parents and asking for their forgiveness. It is now in their hands to choose to forgive or not. That’s between them and the Lord.

      Our sin certainly does affect those we love even if we aren’t aware of it. Because this has happened several times in your past, it may take time for that trust to be rebuilt again. They will watch your every move to see if you are truly repentant or if the behavior is going to continue. Check out this article: http://www.liesyoungwomenbelieve.com/how-to-get-your-parents-trust-back/

      The more consistent you are in truth, the quicker that trust will be restored. Even if there is even an inkling of possibility of untruth, you need to be upfront in dealing with it. If you say you are going to do something, then do it. If something comes up that is going to keep you from following through, then call them and let them know what is going on.

      Invest in their lives – not as a means of penance – but out of love and obedience to God’s Word. Help out at the house, ask about their day, bless them with your actions and words. We have paused and prayed for you today, Rachelle. God has a way through this. It will take time. It may not be easy, but He is walking with you every step of the way (Is. 43:1-3a).

    • Tia

      Hi Rachelle… I’m in a similar situation, only I’m still a senior in high school.. I’ve never been really close to my mom… she has always been strict with my grades and school and what not; never really let me go anywhere; and she is just so unapproachable. And so I just saw her as someone I couldn’t open up to. And she never really tried to either. It was like we had an understanding. Anyways… When I was 16, I gave myself to an 18 year old guy I thought I could trust. Worse, I snuck him into my house when no one was home (I was going through things at the time and he was always there for me). I went somewhere after school one day without telling my mom and she took my phone as punishment. She went through it of course and found the inappropriate messages between me and the guy and I confessed to giving myself to him. She was furious. Then I found out that he was only using me. And that made things ten times worse. I lost my mom’s trust, my heart was broken, and I felt so alone. Things between my mom and I got better eventually. Fast forward 6 months, I’m a senior in high school and things get better between my mom and I. She starts trusting me a little bit more and even allows me to go out with this guy I met at my church. He became my boyfriend in November of that year (we’ve been in a relationship for about 6 months now). And everything between us is almost too perfect. He is literally like the guy version of me. Overall, he’s a good guy and someone I truly trust. We talk about everything from God to sex to social issues… We’re open with each other. In the beginning of the relationship, I explained what happened earlier that year to him and we agreed not to have sex. It lasted a good while (a couple of months) until recently. I ended up sneaking him into my house and giving myself to him. I was his first. After slipping up, we agreed not to do it again…. and then we were fine until we slipped up again. We ended up having sex 5 times until my mom came home early one day and caught us. I tried to hide the previous times we did it and she only ended up finding out. Now I’ve lost her trust again and I hurt her in the process. My boyfriend and I feel terrible for disrespecting her home again. I don’t regret to giving myself to boyfriend… I love him. But I do (deeply) regret lying to my mom about it and disrespecting her house again. I feel so sick.

    • Gabriella

      Omg…. you are me

  • Marlene Bautista

    hi my names marlene I have lost my parents trust so many times its sad . the first time i started dating boys and having social media accounts i wasn’t supposed to have . my parents found out a forgave me . then the 2nd time my parents checked my phone and saw me kissing a boy and read all my messages which I cursed a lot in . the third time my parents checked my phone and saw that i was cursing way to much and saying horrible stuff about them , i said i hated my parents and other rude things . the 4 time is what I’m facing right now my parents and i were starting to get closer so they game me a iPhone , yesterday my mom checked it and went on social media i wasn’t supposed to have she found some graphic stuff and they yelled at me . I feel so bad because they would be better off without me I’m so sad what can I do to regain there trust they want to send me to mexico in 1 week for my summer break because my mom doesn’t want me to be with her at the moment , plz help how can i apologize to them

    • We are so sorry to hear of the poor choices you are making that is causing you to lose your parent’s trust. When you disobey them, it hurts them. They love you, Marlene, and want what is best for you. They give boundaries to protect you and when you cross the boundaries they have set, it wounds them.

      Trust is won back over time as you consistently choose to obey and walk within the boundaries they have given you. We sin when we disobey our parents. We don’t think our sin has any consequences but our sin affects many others in our lives, including our parents. Are you ready to truly repent and turn away from your sin? Are you ready to turn away from the social media sites, choose to speak positively about your parents, choose to trust their boundaries about boyfriends, language and social media?

      God is ready and willing to forgive you, Marlene. He tells us in 1 Jn. 1:9: “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.” Go to God. Confess and seek His forgiveness. Then make the choice to turn away from your sin and begin to walk in obedience to God and your parents.

      Consistently making those decisions to honor and obey your parents and choosing to walk within their boundaries every day will be what wins their trust back. You cannot keep doing what you are doing if you want them to trust you. I’m praying for you, Marlene! Choose God’s way! It will benefit you in the long run!

  • Tishamesha00

    Hi, my name is Tisha. Something really bad happened to me in early may. It all happened when I got a message from this boy that was close to my age ( I’m 15, he’s 16). I don’t know this boy because we just started talking on instagram. Our conversation went from normal to gross and freaky talk (are you a virgin and stuff like that). Our conversation went so freaky that we ended up talking on snapchat. That’s where I stupidly sent him nude pictures of my private area. My mom eventually found out and read all the messages and all the pics. My mom got so upset she called the police and that’s when the police got involved. Right now I am under investigation with the police/FBI and I know this because 1. My mom told me and 2. Every time I log into my emails and stuff, the police get an alert and they let my mom know. I made a horrible horrible mistake. It’s something that I already wish I didn’t do. I don’t know what to do at this point and if there is any way you could give me advice about what I should do, that would be great. Thank you.

    • Sarah, with Revive Our Hearts

      Yes, dear girl, you did something big, something horrible, as you said It will take some drastic obedience and actions to get your life and reputation and your mom’s trust back on track. What a GREAT mom you have that didn’t hide your sin, and activity, as a minor. She took the steps to drastically get help and do what was right. You need to realize that you have not only disobeyed the law (which is why the police are involved), but you have also shown that you don’t have the maturity or strength to say no to temptation on social media. At 15, you shouldn’t even have those sites available to you. (Even though we know the rest of the world does, we have young ladies in our staff members’ homes that live without them.) Let me encourage you to hand your electronic devices to your mother and ask her to keep those for you until you are 18. I know that will be VERY hard, but you won’t regret it when you look back at your life in a couple of years from now. That way, you will have no temptation, and you will get the police investigation settled/behind you. It is drastic obedience, but it is the right thing to do. Jesus showed us the seriousness of sin when He said: “If your eye causes you to stumble, pluck it out and throw it from you. It is better for you to enter life with one eye, than to have two eyes and be cast into the fiery hell.” (Matthew 18:9) I trust you know that this sin will not send you to hell if you have all of your sins forgiven through the blood of the Lord Jesus Christ. “Believe on the Lord Jesus Christ, and thou shalt be saved.” (Acts 16:31) If you have any questions about that, please listen to this link: https://vimeo.com/25251371 and write us with questions.

      You asked our advice, so let us help you with steps to take:

      1. Kneel before God and ask His forgiveness for your impure actions. He is ready to forgive and wash you clean from all unrighteousness. “If we confess our sins, He is faithful and righteous to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.” (1 John 1:9)

      2. Take your phone and computer and/or digital devices and hand them to your mom. Thank her for watching out after your life and your soul. Ask forgiveness for disappointing her, for defacing your family name, and for the disgrace of having to deal with the police for her 15 year old girl. Hug her and submit yourself to her guidance. Perhaps you will prove yourself early, but leave it to her to make that decision.

      3. Take your Bible and read Psalm 103 and bask in the love God has for you–though you are a sinner, as are all of us. He loves you; He loves us!!

      We are praying for you, dear girl. Know that we love you and care for you from afar. We pray that God’s redemptive grace will be all over your life! He is ready and waiting to forgive you and walk with you through these days. “Yet the LORD longs to be gracious to you; He rises to show you compassion. For the LORD is a God of justice. Blessed are all who wait for Him!” (Isa. 30:18)

  • Addison

    Can anyone help me here’s my story I kept lying to my parents and they lost all trust in me can anyone tell me how to earn there trust back

    • Sarah, with Revive Our Hearts

      Addison…we are so glad that you desire to earn your parents’ trust. You need to go to your parents’…ask them to set a time you can talk with them by yourself. Then, talk with them and ask their forgiveness. Name the things you have done wrong — lying, taking your sister’s phone, and anything else you know you have done against them. Tell them that you really want to earn their trust back. Ask them for help in knowing what to do, how you can work toward that. Then commit yourself to doing that. Tell them that you love them for being parents that discipline you and give you the chance to grow up with character and pleasing to God and following His ways.

      IF you do wrong again, never wait until they find out; go immediately and tell them that you have done wrong and sinned. Ask their forgiveness. Don’t wait for them to find out; if you do, you are only extending their lack of trust even longer.

      Be kind in your home. Perhaps the best way to earn your parents’ trust is to be a contributing member of the family. Talk at the dinner table; carry on conversation with members of the family. Be kind in your responses to your parents and siblings. Speak with respect to your parents and your family members. Do the chores around the house that are yours to do.

      The bottom line, Addison; act like a daughter that is pleasing to God and your parents. If you are a Christian, start changing your heart that allows you to lie by reading your Bible and talking to God each day. If you aren’t a Christian, write me again and let me tell you how you can find God’s help every day by inviting Jesus into your heart.

  • Addison

    Hi my name is ,Addison and I keep lying to my mom for stupid reason and today she actually did something about it she hit me and was threatening to send me way but I did do something really bad I took my little sister phone and now my life is over and I don’t know how to gain my mom trust back and I don’t even know how to talk to her my sister is always around please help me

    • Sarah, with Revive Our Hearts

      Addison…talk to your dad about your mom’s response here to your lying. Ask him to intervene here and help you and your mom work through what happened here with your punishment.