How I Met My Future Husband

(Click here to read yesterday’s introduction to today’s post: “Hope Greater Than a Diamond Ring.”)

After writing Confessions of a Boy-Crazy Girl: On Her Journey from Neediness to Freedom, I had another unexpected opportunity to trust the Lord. All of a sudden, guys started coming out of the woodwork showing interest in this self-proclaimed, formerly boy-crazy girl.

As much as I wanted to get married someday, that wasn’t why I wrote my book. So I “set my face like a flint” and continued investing in teen girls.

Sounds great, right? But a few wise people encouraged me to have someone else respond to guys on my behalf, and I wrote and posted the following message on the contact page of my website:

A note for the guys:

Sorry, gents, I know I just put myself out there as a boy-crazy girl, but the purpose of this site isn’t to find a guy. I’m sorry I won’t be responding to personal inquiries—too busy investing in the girls.

I knew my advisors were right. As much as I wanted to get married someday, that wasn’t why I wrote Confessions of a Boy-Crazy Girl. So I “set my face like a flint” and continued investing in teen girls.

Seven months after publishing my book, I inadvertently started following a guy named Trevor Marsteller on Twitter.

I instantly noticed that he had 1,000 followers and a blog where he’d done book reviews in the past. I was still hard at work marketing my book (contrary to popular belief, your work is just getting started once you finish a manuscript!). At the time, I was reaching out to bloggers, asking if I could send them a free copy of Confessions in exchange for an honest review.

So of course, I direct messaged Trevor, asking if he’d consider reading and writing a review of my book. He responded the same day, and our friendship began. He wrote a wonderful review of Confessions of a Boy-Crazy Girl, and we began to message each other on Facebook where we weren’t limited by 140 characters.

He seemed to be as busy as me, so there was more than once where a couple weeks passed with no Facebook messages, and I was certain our conversation would fizzle out (after all, that’s how the script had always gone!).

But somehow we kept talking, and after about four months, Trevor sent me the following message. (He had vacation days he needed to use up, and he’d been considering driving to Minneapolis for the Desiring God Conference.)

I wanna shoot something by you and hear your thoughts. I was thinking, “Ya know what, Desiring God posts all of their content for free from all of their conferences, and I have been to their conferences before, and I know what the experience is like. So maybe I don’t need to drive all the way out to MN. But I certainly wouldn’t mind taking a vacation in September before my vacation time expires, and one very real option is to visit this Paula girl.” So, idk, those are some super general and preliminary thoughts, but what do ya think? Is southern MI a visit-worthy place? And will or will I not consume all of the chicken at the Chick-Fil-As in southern Michigan?

Eeeeeeee! I responded,

This Paula girl thinks that’s one of the best ideas she’s heard in a long time! MI is a swell place to vacation; an even better place to live. Let me put together a list of ideas for you and see what you think.

I was excited. I liked him. Of course I did! But still, I didn’t know if he liked me as anything more than a friend. Maybe he just thought it was cool to message an “author.” I couldn’t read him. Besides, experience had taught me that I shouldn’t ever assume a guy liked me until he specifically told me so himself.

And lest you think I never struggled again after writing Confessions of a Boy-Crazy Girl, let me share a journal entry I wrote before Trevor visited:

Wow, God. Thank You for showing me Yourself just now as I spent time in Philippians 2 reading about how I was to “count others more significant than myself” and “look not only to my own interests, but also to the interests of others.”

After reading this I grabbed my phone and went out to weed my garden. I checked and saw that Trevor was “active now” on Facebook, so I started a conversation with him about his hunting safety course.

He responded to my questions, but he didn’t ask me any to keep the conversation going. So I stopped the conversation and got back to weeding, feeling stupid and unloved.

I wasn’t counting him more significant than me. I never even considered that he might be in a conversation with someone else or . . .

How I need Your grace, Abba, to put on the mind of Christ and make myself nothing and serve Trevor without expecting anything in return. Maybe he legitimately just wants to be my friend and nothing more.

I recognize now that I’ll gladly host him on his vacation (and mine) IF he makes me feel attractive and interesting. But if he’s just not that into me, I’ll resent him and everything I plan and do for and with him.

What if this is not Your man for me? What if You want me to humble myself as You humbled Yourself and serve him as You served me, demanding nothing in return?

Ouch, ouch, ouch! Suddenly this passage became intensely personal. Oh God, thanks for humbling Yourself and obeying Your Father so You might save this proud, proud girl. Make me like Your beautiful self. Catch me up in the romance with You, not with a mere mortal.

With that I asked my close friends to pray with me that I would love Trevor well by showing him a great vacation—without expecting anything in return. I knew that apart from God’s power that would be impossible for me.

Then I journaled,

Trevor comes this week. Do you have something there beyond friendship? Lead me so clearly, Good, Kind Shepherd.

And oh, how He did. Check back tomorrow to read about Trevor’s visit.

About Author

Paula Marsteller

Paula no longer tries to catch guys' attention by swallowing live goldfish, arm wrestling, and jumping down flights of stairs. (She's married to a wonderful man now!) She spends her days caring for her son, Iren, and writing for Revive Our Hearts. She's the author of Confessions of a Boy-Crazy Girl: On Her Journey from Neediness to Freedom, and she and her family live in New York.

HEY, GIRLS! We love hearing from you, but feel limited in the ways we can help. For one thing, we’re not trained counselors. If you’re seeking counsel, we encourage you to talk to your pastor or a godly woman in your life as they’ll know more details and can provide you with ongoing accountability and help. Also, the following comments do not necessarily reflect the views of Revive Our Hearts. We reserve the right to remove comments which might be unhelpful, unsuitable, or inappropriate. We may edit or remove your comment if it:

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  • Bozji Dar

    Great post Paula

    • phendricks

      Thanks for reading it, Bozji.

  • Hannah

    Wow, u are such an amazing writer! Thanks for sharing ur story, ur posts are always so helpful!

    • phendricks

      Thanks for your encouragement, Hannah!

  • Thanks for sharing the story!! I can tell this is a very unique and wonderful God-written love story -can’t wait to hear the rest!
    Rebekah
    http://www.moreradiance.com

    • phendricks

      Thanks, Rebekah. 🙂

  • Becca<3

    Oh my gracious!! You have me on the edge of my seat in suspense! I should’ve waited until tomorrow to read the whole story:) This post really spoke to me about the need for journaling. I’m am so terrible at it, but I know that it is a helpful skill with communicating with God. Thank you for this:)

    • phendricks

      You’re so welcome, Becca. Happy journaling!

  • This is going to suhh-weet! I love your posts and blog, Paula!

    • phendricks

      Thanks for reading them, Havilah!

  • Jesusfreak17

    Thank you for sharing! I’m excited to see what happens!

    • phendricks

      Thanks, Jesusfreak17!

  • Elyonara Borges

    Thank you for sharing your story, Paula!
    May God bless you and your future husband!
    Greetings from Brazil 😉

    • phendricks

      Thank you, Elyonara!

  • Paula….I don’t know why yet I can relate to Your story so well. May be a similar experience ;), am still single by the way. I too write journals…..I am glad You expressed Your internal struggles that encouraged me a lot. God our heavenly Father knows our fears, our uncertainties … So nice to have God as our Father. It’s a battle I believe …. To yield to our own will or wait for what God has for us. Marriage is such a challenging pathway….any other decision can be reversed … Yet marriage cannot be….!! How much we need to cling to His grace to make the right choice !!!!!

    • phendricks

      Amen. It’s big.

  • A Sister in Christ

    Paula, I don’t understand at all. How did you come to consider a man who opened his review of your book with his confession of a ‘minor OBSESSION’ with scotch? Scotch people? (* I put the word obsession in caps because I can’t use italics) Was it some kind of insider joke? Or are we talking hard liquor?

    My stomach absolutely turned when I read that. I know you have excellent godly women councelling you. Has this come up with them? Is this not a concern of yours?

    I know this post will probably be deleted but believe it or not, I pray for and care about you. I have even prayed with you on a few occasions but will just post this anon because I’m not anyone special just a distant acquaintance.

    Maybe you will address this concern of mine, perhaps not, but please think it over if you’ve not given it serious thought yet (as I feel sure you have).

    I am married to a man who has a minor obsession (*imagine italics) with alcohol and it gets very toxic in my house from time to time. It’s one of the biggest heartbreaks in my life. And it’s not getting better through the years. Please hear my words: It is not a burden anyone should go near lightly.

    My prayers are with you dear girl, you truly are a gem among gems and I want the very best for one of the most beautiful Sisters I’ve ever had the honour of caring for.

    <3

    • phendricks

      Dear Sister in Christ,

      Thank you for sharing your concerns with me. I am so sorry for the pain you have and do endure due to your husband’s alcoholism.

      Yes, I have had lots of conversations about it, especially at the beginning of our relationship. But I don’t have any concerns when it comes to Trevor and alcohol.

      He is a godly man who believes that drunkenness is sin. He has never been drunk, and only drinks occasionally in moderation. I have no problem with that, as I only see Scripture commanding us not to get drunk.

      Based on your background, we probably won’t see eye-to-eye on this, but I am grateful for your love and concern for me. When you think of us, please pray that both Trevor and I will be filled and intoxicated always with the Spirit of God.

      Blessings,

      paula

      • Sister in Christ

        Dear Paula,

        I will pray for protection for both of you. My husband isn’t an alcholic, thankfully. When life gets hard the frequency goes up. Sometimes life is very difficult. When I married him he professed belief and said the same things your fiance has said regarding drinking. When we dated for a few years he had only drank twice, and at that, it was with me. So, he seemed a very safe choice. Sometimes people seem wonderful but when someone uses the words that Trevor used (projecting publicly, a sense of pride about drinking), I’d say that is a red flag, big time. Maybe it’s just me because things turned out poorly as the years went by. May your story hold more beauty and less hurt.

        I’m so happy for you dear Paula, with a lower case p. 😉 I was elated at the news when you blogged about it and didn’t even worry at all because your heart for Christ is so lovely I felt sure you’d be a careful dater. And you have been. And he seems wonderful. So I’ll leave it in my prayers dear sister. Thanks for hearing me.

        Love to you,

        Sister in Christ

        • Christa

          Dear Sister-in-Christ, don’t steel away Paula’s joy. Even though your marriage may not have turned out the way you might have liked, doesn’t mean her’s will. I can’t speak for Paula but she was just using an expression of speech. It’s not a red flag, she’s going to be a brand new bride and is so very excited and has every right to be. Give your marriage to GOD-Sister-In-Christ and look at the amazing blessing GOD has just given to Paula something she has been waiting for years! GOD works in mysterious ways! 🙂 Don’t look at the negatives with Paula’s new marriage but the positive’s. I can’t speak for Paula but wanted to encourage you that perhaps this new marriage is a blessing from GOD and will not turn out bad but good.

  • Christa

    Thank- you for sharing this!! 😃 I love these types of stories! I like someone and he’s a pretty popular guy. He gave me a compliment at my older brother’s wedding and then I said thanks and walked away… I should have had a better response… I saw him again when I visited my siblings and all the girls ran up to him and I stood back with my older brother whose a good friend of this young man. I didn’t want to be like the other girls. I often hear God is telling me something will come soon regarding the love story God has for me. If God has someone for me. What do you think?

    • phendricks

      Dear Christa,

      The only way you can be sure God has spoken to you is through His Word. Dig in deep, and listen attentively to His timeless words of hope, wisdom, and correction.

      Re. that guy, don’t be afraid to treat him with kindness, as a fellow image-bearer of God.

      Blessings,

      paula

      • Christa

        Thanks Paula!! Since, nothing else has happened between me and this guy I liked I started to read When God “Writes Your Love Story”. By Eric and Leslie Ludy. They say to fall in love with God first!! It’s so hard waiting patiently sometimes.Guys are beginning to notice me again but it’s always the guys I don’t like. It’s hard to . Wait patiently. That’s why turning to God is the best thing to do!!! And read my Bible and study more. What did you do while you waited for Trevoragain?

        • phendricks

          Dear Christa,

          Ugh, am I really just now responding?! So sorry.

          I can tell you that I sure didn’t do it perfectly! There were lots of hard days, and more and more great days, as I learned to put my hope in God.

          What did I do?

          I did the next thing. Whatever was right in front of me.

          I spent time with others, even people much older and younger than me.

          I journaled.

          I wrote a book. 😉

          I pursued God through His Word (which really means He was pursuing me!).

          I prayed.

          I took dance lessons.

          I picked cherries and canned applesauce.

          I went to the beach.

          I played volleyball.

          I served in my local church.

          I did laundry and grocery shopped and cleaned my room.

          I lived everyday, mundane life in community with God’s people.

          I looked for others who were lonely and tried to encourage them.

          (Does that help at all?)

          Praying for you now.

          Love,

          paula

  • Gabrielle

    very awesome. thanks for sharing

  • Elisabeth

    Dear Miss.Hendricks,Ihave some that you have written.Your so great at it!!It has been a blessing to me!!Only know I have come to a place in my life where I have decided to grow up, and not just in the way the world does, with everything but Self control in the areas you speak on.If God will even help me, I want to,but there is one thing that scare, terrifys and is always on my mind, and never leaves as a worry that (especially after almost finishing booth of your video series),I find that I can not nor Will not surrender that God might want me to be single the rest of my life!!I’m only 18,but have lingered in the paths of loneliness, need and want more almost any one I know my age.For the first time when I decided I would no longer mask the symptoms , I find that If goes doesn’t give me the one he wants me to marry by age 21 or sooner I just can’t go on!!I’ll die literally, or do Any to get a guy if God won’t give me the one he wants me to have and especially if he doesn’t have one or me.I’ve done everything I think I can to peruse what I need in the right way.I’m at my breaking point.My question is simple, how can I trust fully, when I’d rather die then be single.Signed, A Friend Desperatly in need of help.