If You’re Scared to Trust God with Your Love Life

Her subject line caught my eye: “I’m so scared, trying to trust God with my love life.” The email continued:

I read the prayer you wrote on page 85 about relinquishing your desire to be married to God. That scared . . . me. I know what I’m doing isn’t working, but I’m so afraid that if I give God control, He’ll keep me single forever, and my one true desire is to share my life with someone.

I’d love your prayers as I read your book (got it today). I’m trying to trust God with my love life and am so afraid to pray the bold prayers you mention. I do know I need to take a break from dating for a while until I can truly feel God’s love for me and learn to love and respect myself. Thank you for writing it!

In case you don’t have a copy of Confessions of a Boy-Crazy Girl lying around your house, here’s a peek into that journal entry I share on page 85:

God Most High, thank You that You’re committed to giving me Yourself. You don’t want me to find my happiness—nor can I—with anyone or anything less than You. Why do I think I know better than You what I need? I’m miserable in my strivings and resistance against You. Give me the gift of repentance.

I confess my lust toward men and relinquish to You the desire, need, and hope of marriage. I’m sorry for living for guys rather than for You. Break me over this sin, God.

I seem to think my Creator, Father, and King is acting foolishly. I think I deserve more, that I’m pretty good. Who am I comparing myself to, God? Certainly not You. My heart is cold toward You. I want to be in control of my own life. I don’t want You to be Lord of my life—I just want to use You to make me look good.

God, I step down from the throne of my life and invite—no, plead—with You to assume Your rightful place as Lord, as Boss. Forgive me. Thank You that You have.

Take my love, Lord, even though it is barely alive, and fan it into flame for You.

I may have written that prayer, but I get the struggle to be okay with singleness. I really do. It took years of pain and desperation before I was finally willing to pray this “bold” prayer.

I had the same fear she did—that if I chose to trust God with my love life, He would take my surrender as an irretrievable permission slip to withhold my greatest desire from me.

Whether you “give” God permission to be in control of your life or not, He is.

Is that a legitimate fear? Let’s take a closer at her email and explore these fears, shall we? She wrote, “I’m so afraid that if I give God control . . .” This overlooks the fact that God already is in control. Whether you “give” God permission to be in control of your life or not, He is. There is nothing in this universe He does not rule and reign over.

The LORD kills and brings to life;
he brings down to Sheol and raises up.
The LORD makes poor and makes rich;
he brings low and he exalts.
He raises up the poor from the dust;
he lifts the needy from the ash heap
to make them sit with princes
and inherit a seat of honor.
For the pillars of the earth are the LORD’s,
and on them he has set the world (1 Sam. 2:6–8).

Thankfully for us, we don’t serve a cruel God with a sick, twisted sense of humor who takes delight in giving us what we hate. Matthew 7:9–11 tells us just the opposite:

“Which one of you, if his son asks him for bread, will give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a serpent? If you then, who are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven give good things to those who ask him!”

Being in a relationship isn’t a “right” and being single isn’t an accident.

So what does that mean if you don’t yet have what you want? I love how Nancy DeMoss Wolgemuth talks about it in Singled Out for Him. She points out that being in a relationship isn’t a “right” and being single isn’t an accident. According to 1 Corinthians 7, both singleness and marriage (the closest human relationship possible) are gifts from a good God who only gives good gifts to His kids. Each gift is to be 1) received with thankfulness and 2) used to bring Him glory. If you are not currently in a committed relationship with a godly guy, you can know that at least for now, it would not be a “good thing” for you.

But don’t take my word for it. (Or Nancy’s.)

Get to know God yourself. You cannot trust someone you do not know.

It’s one thing to hear someone else say God can be trusted with your love life and another altogether to get to know Him until you know that you know that for yourself. Be patient; it’ll be a process. But do pursue Him each and every day. If you’re not sure how to do that, start here.

“My one true desire is to share my life with someone.” It’s a perfectly natural desire to share your life with someone, but is that your one-desire-to-rule-them-all? What are you willing to sacrifice or do for this desire to come true? Do you love the idea of being in love with a man more than you love the Maker of man? If so, you can expect God’s wrath.

The wrath of God is revealed from heaven against all ungodliness and unrighteousness of men . . . For although they knew God, they did not honor him as God or give thanks to him, but they . . . exchanged the truth about God for a lie and worshiped and served the creature rather than the Creator, who is blessed forever! (Rom. 1:18–24).

If your desires are more dear to you than God Himself, repent over your misplaced worship.

“He’ll keep me single forever” overlooks the fact that marriage—the most intimate, lifelong, love commitment a human can make—is just a faint reflection of the more wonderful, forever relationship we will have with Christ. He is using this life to prepare us to be His pure, spotless bride. This sentiment shows a very limited view of the here and now at the expense of forever.

“Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church (Eph. 5:31–32).

As you think about your desire for a romantic relationship, are you focused on living for yourself or for your Creator?

“I’m so afraid.” Three times in her email this woman admitted she was “scared” and “so afraid.” She also said she needed to take a break from dating until she had a grip on God’s love for her. I think she’s on the right track. First John 4:18 says:

There is no fear in love, but perfect love drives out fear. For fear has to do with punishment, and whoever fears has not been perfected in love.

Let His unmatched love drive away your fears.

You are perfectly loved by a perfect God; own this. You can know God loves you—not because He gives you everything you want right when you want it, but because He gave up His beloved Son to absorb the righteous wrath of the Father that you deserved for your sin. Let His unmatched love drive away your fears.

How about you? Do you trust God to do a better job than you can with your love life? If not, what can you do today to grow your trust in Him?

About Author

Paula Marsteller

Paula no longer tries to catch guys' attention by swallowing live goldfish, arm wrestling, and jumping down flights of stairs. (She's married to a wonderful man now!) She spends her days caring for her son, Iren, and writing for Revive Our Hearts. She's the author of Confessions of a Boy-Crazy Girl: On Her Journey from Neediness to Freedom, and she and her family live in New York. You can catch all her writing on PaulaWrites.com.

HEY, GIRLS! We love hearing from you, but feel limited in the ways we can help. For one thing, we’re not trained counselors. If you’re seeking counsel, we encourage you to talk to your pastor or a godly woman in your life as they’ll know more details and can provide you with ongoing accountability and help. Also, the following comments do not necessarily reflect the views of Revive Our Hearts. We reserve the right to remove comments which might be unhelpful, unsuitable, or inappropriate. We may edit or remove your comment if it:

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  • A.

    I really love this post! It hit on a lot of things. But I have a question that’s not related to this subject, Is it okay to say that you don’t want a relationship with one of your parents because you know that you’ll end up getting hurt again? Also, how do make the other parent see that they will also get hurt again? Is it wrong to cut off ties with a parent? Thank you.

    • Audrey

      Hey, A. That is a great question and one of great, great importance. I can’t pretend to know all the answers, but I can offer you my advice. If I look at this situation, and then look at the Bible, my advice to you would be to forgive, like God did for us. God forgave every one of us for sinning against Him, a perfect, righteous, holy God. I think that maybe that parent should be allowed a second chance, and though it may be hard, forgiving them should be helpful to both of you. Of course, they will have to earn back your trust. And most of all, in these situations, pray and read your Bible. You will not believe how comforting it is to rest in prayer to the all-powerful God who loves you. Believe me, I know.

      • A.

        How many times in almost twenty years do I have to forgive someone? I believe everything that you said is true and I know that we’re supposed to forgive without limits, but when do I say, “You’ve hurt me enough, leave me alone?” Or am I just supposed to continue taking abuse? I think you have sound and wise advice, but you also didn’t really answer my question. Thank you for reaching out and trying, I do appreciate it. I guess what my situation comes down to is do I trust God to guide me and give me His best?And also, I do know how comforting reading my Bible and learning about God is. It’s my favorite part of the day.

        • Jean

          I’m Mathew 18, Jesus talks about how many times you must forgive someone. He says 77, but I think that most can agree that that means infinite times. But, I think that there is a difference between forgiving somone and keeping your distance. I don’t know the right answer to your problem, and I am not qualified to answer that question. I’m saying that you should always forgive that parent, no matter how many times it takes, but forgiving them doesn’t necessarily mean that you have to stay if you are being hurt. In not saying that that either staying or leaving is better, just that you can still forgive them, and that there is a difference, in my opinion.

        • Jean

          P.S. To understand my meaning of Mathew 18, about forgiving 77 times, you really need to read it in context.

    • phendricks

      Dear A,

      Do you still live at home?

      How has this parent hurt you? Physically? With their words?

      Do you (and this parent) attend a solid church?

      Thanks for letting me know,

      paula

  • thehappygirl

    Great post!! I have had many of these fears myself. I felt for a long time that if I placed my love life in God’s hands He’d keep me single forever.I’ve done a lot of soul searching the past two weeks. I realized that God won’t withhold anything I truly desire so long as I’m living for and walking with Him. What a comforting thought! I have peace now that God is going to bring me a good godly husband, and, even if He doesn’t, I have complete peace and satisfaction in Him. For a while, I looked towards men for my happiness, only to end up disappointed and broken in the end. Thank God He helped me break the cycle and turn to Him. I’m not in a relationship right now, but I trust He’ll bring me and Mr. Right together in His good time.

    • Kate

      You must be my twin! I had my fears and my best friend has told me multiple times that God will bring the right guy into my life. What I desire more than having a godly husband is meeting Jesus face-to-face. I really want to see His face, I want to see what my true Prince looks like and I cannot want to meet Him in Heaven.

      • thehappygirl

        Amen Kate!! That will be a glad day! We must focus on living for Christ before anything else and everything else will fall into place 🙂

        • Kate

          Our world is falling into place 🙂

  • Becca<3

    Wow, wow, wow. This is my heart in so many ways. I have such a fear of God potentially calling me to a life of singleness in spite of my family’s (especially my mom’s) confidence that I would make a good wife. Another desire of my heart is to be a mother, and I know I can’t do that if I’m not married. I don’t believe that God is calling me to singleness, but I still struggle with the fear of letting go and being vulnerable in that area of my life. Thank you for sharing these beautiful truths!

    • phendricks

      You are so welcome, Becca. Thank YOU for taking the time to help point others to truth on this comment thread. I’m so grateful for you.

      Also, you *can* be a mother even if you don’t marry. Not to your own biological kids, but to scores more through the way you give life to them through your words and actions. I see you already displaying that kind of nurturing and care. Way to go!

    • thehappygirl

      @BeccaRower:disqus Can I just say “WOW!”? You are a Bible scholar girl! I love that young women are getting into the Word and know so much of it. Glad I’m not the only one who loves a good Bible study 🙂 Keep up the good work!

  • RealAmerican1976

    Take control of your own life, make your own thoughtful, considered decisions. Don’t let God, your imaginary friend or anyone else make your decisions or do your thinking for you.

    YOU are the one who has to live with your choices.

    • Kate

      RealAmerican1976, you make a good point when you say we’re the ones who live with our choices, but God IS in control of our lives. Yes, we make our own decisions, but God allows us to make those decisions. God provides for us and He wants to give us the desires of our hearts. I trust God and I WILL defend Him.

      • RealAmerican1976

        Those are very specific assertions.

        Can you actually prove any of that?

        If you can, please state your sources.

        • Emily Torbert

          “Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see.” Hebrews 11:1
          RealAmerican1976, you have the choice of whether or not to believe God on faith. It’s a dare, but if you take it it will be the best thing you ever do. You’re asking for proof, but the proof will have to be your personal experience. For my experience, I was constantly running out of food for a year. Every time my fridge was empty, God provided. I have walked through a ton of hard things that no one should have to, but I have grown closer to God through them and because of that every single hard day was worth it. I wouldn’t change anything. God is everything to me, my Father, my peace, my shield, and a wall of fire around me. He’s my hope and He is truth. If you want proof, STUDY. The Bible, The Christy Miller series and other books by Robin Jones Gunn, Jesus>Religion by Jefferson Bethke, Lies Young Women Believe, The Circle Maker by Mark Batterson, and tons of others. The resources are limitless. And also, this blog, the people who write for it, and the people who read it. Contact me even. Look for God. The Boble says that if we seek Him, we will find Him. Ask hard questions and don’t stop until you have the answer, but make sure that your answer is true. I hope this helps in some way. May God bless you and keep you. May His face of hope shine upon you, giving you His peace, and may you always love Jesus above all else.

          • RealAmerican1976

            That’s not evidence. That’s not proof.

            The fact that others who believed in God starved or ended up homeless doesn’t factor into your thinking at all. The Bible also says countless things that are contradictory or just plain wrong.

            So, you have no actual proof.

            You just have anecdotes, wishful thinking and gleeful ignorance.

            That’s just sad.

          • Emily Torbert

            Then why comment on this blog? I gave you the answer in the best way I know how. It’s up to you whether or not you believe it. It’s not wishful thinking, I have seen and felt God in my own life and countless others. I was the starving person who almost went homeless. I have also been abused. I’ve seen a lot of crap and I know that God is as real as the sky He created.

          • RealAmerican1976

            You’re no more certain that your God exists than an Ancient Greek was that Zeus existed or that a Norseman was that Odin existed or that a Muslim is sure that Allah exists or that a Ancient Egyptian was that Ra existed.

            The were all just as sure in their god as you are in yours.

            What makes you so sure you are right when the people who have worshipped thousands of gods over thousands of years were wrong?

            What actual proof do you have other than a gut feeling?

            How much education do you have in the matter? Or are you just taking other people’s word when it comes to your entire worldview?

          • Emily Torbert

            Every prayer I have EVER prayed, I have an answer to now. And I’ve prayed some hard prayers. I have been given peace when my heart was pounding from fear. I CHOSE to make my worldview my own because I’ve doubted before and asked for the truth. You have to find it for yourself just like I told you before. May God be with you and I will be praying for you.

          • RealAmerican1976

            That’s not proof, kiddo.

            Pray that a black dog comes to your window at 5pm and then take a photo of that actually happening.

            Until you do, you’re just choosing to accept false, easy answers.

            It’s what they call “willful ignorance.”

          • Leanne

            Perhaps this is why you are unwilling to accept these answers:

            Matthew 13:15 For this people’s heart has become calloused; they hardly hear with their ears, and they have closed their eyes. Otherwise they might see with their eyes, hear with their ears, understand with their hearts and turn, and I would heal them.’

            2 Corinthians 2:16 To those who are perishing, we are a dreadful smell of death and doom. But to those who are being saved, we are a life-giving perfume. And who is adequate for such a task as this?

          • RealAmerican1976

            I have no idea what you think that is supposed to mean.

          • Leanne

            It means that your heart is hardened toward God, and that is why you are unwilling to accept our answers. Dear whoever you are, if you would only soften your heart and open up to allow God in, He has so much in store for you. But I have a feeling you probably are not saved. You are perishing, hence why the message of Christ brings a bad odor into your life. Dear one, I urge you to accept Jesus as your Lord and Savior. You and I are not guaranteed another day to live. Accept Him, ask Him to cleanse you of your sins, and let Him be King of your life. He is waiting for you right this very moment. I urge you, do not delay!

          • Becca<3

            You keep saying that there are many inaccuracies in the bible, give me specific examples, and I will easily refute them. The one you gave about the sky/heaven has already been explained. Also, God created the ambient light before creating the sun to be a source for the light. And simce there was light before the sun, the plants did have light. Additionally, why couldn’t God create the whole universe in one week? He’s powerful enough. Also, the original word for “day” used in the account in genesis is the exact same word that is used throughout the bible when reffering to a 24 hour period. It seems that every response you make to the many valid arguments and examples and evidence given by these girls is always the same: “it’s crazy, you shouldn’t believe it, the bible isn’t true” and you say the same thing over and over again without offering any counter-argument. If you would like to have a legitimate exchange of ideas and discussion, and actually be open to different beliefs, I will happily oblige. However, it looks like you’re quite hard-hearted at this point, vehemently proclaiming your view without truly considering the other side. With that said, I do not think it effective to cast pearls before swine if you are unwilling to have a mature discussion. I apologize if I sound rude, I’m not trying to be unkind, simply frank and to-the-point.

          • RealAmerican1976

            How old was Ahaziah?

            II Kings 8:26 “Two and twenty years old was Ahaziah when he began to reign.”

            vs.

            II Chronicles 22:2 “Forty and two years old was Ahaziah when he began to reign.”

          • Becca<3

            Liz Answered this question very well above. Just like there are more than one guy named Joseph (Joseph the brother sold into slavery, and Joseph the Nazarene carpenter, and Joseph of Arimathea), there can be more than one king named Ahaziah.

          • Ashlee

            Girl, reading through this argument, it is clear you know the Bible. Thank you for being an inspiration! 🙂

          • Becca<3

            Thank you so much:) this truly means so much to me:)

          • RealAmerican1976

            Should we swear an oath?

            Numbers 30:2 “If a man vow a vow unto the Lord, or swear an oath . . . he shall do according to all that proceedeth out of his mouth.”

            Genesis 21:22-24,31 ” . . . swear unto me here by God that thou wilt not deal falsely with me . . . And Abraham said, I will swear. . . . Wherefore he called that place Beersheba [“well of the oath”]; because there they sware both of them.”

            Hebrews 6:13-17 “For when God made promise to Abraham, because he could swear by no greater, he sware by himself . . . for men verily swear by the greater: and an oath for confirmation is to them an end of all strife. Wherein God, willing more abundantly to shew unto the heirs of promise the immutability of his counsel, confirmed it by an oath.”

            See also Genesis 22:15-19, Genesis 31:53, and Judges 11:30-39.

            vs.

            Matthew 5:34-37 “But I say unto you, swear not at all; neither by heaven . . . nor by the earth . . . . Neither shalt thou swear by thy head . . . . But let your communication be, Yea, yea; Nay, nay: for whatsoever is more than these cometh of evil.”

            James 5:12 “. . . swear not, neither by heaven, neither by the earth, neither by any other oath: but let your yea be yea; and your nay, nay; lest ye fall into condemnation.”

          • RealAmerican1976

            How many animals on the ark?

            Genesis 6:19 “And of every living thing of all flesh, two of every sort shalt thou bring into the ark.”

            Genesis 7:8-9 “Of clean beasts, and of beasts that are not clean, and of fowls, and of every thing that creepeth upon the earth, There went in two and two unto Noah into the ark, the male and the female, as God had commanded Noah.”

            Genesis 7:15 “And they went in unto Noah into the ark, two and two of all flesh, wherein is the breath of life.”

            vs.

            Genesis 7:2 “Of every clean beast thou shalt take to thee by sevens, the male and his female: and of beasts that are not clean by two, the male and his female.”

          • Becca<3

            God said to take two of every kind of animal and the ADDITIONAL seven pairs of clean animals. We’ve had the bible story in our heads as “only two of each animal” when this is clearly not the case. It’s not a contradiction, God commanded both.

          • RealAmerican1976

            When was Jesus crucified?

            Mark 15:25 “And it was the third hour, and they crucified him.”

            vs.

            John 19:14-15 “And about the sixth hour: and he saith unto the Jews, Behold your King! But they cried out . . . crucify him.”

            It is an ad hoc defense to claim that there are two methods of reckoning time here. It has never been shown that this is the case.

          • Becca<3

            The verse in John recounts Jesus’ public trial before Pontias Pilate, when the people condemned Jesus to death, but he wasn’t actually crucified until the third hour like Mark says. There are very minor differences in the accounts because one merely offers more detail about certain events. Just because John doesn’t mention Jesus being flogged and mocked like Mark does, it doesn’t mean it didn’t happen. If he had explicitly said it DIDN’T happen, THEN that would be a contradiction.

          • RealAmerican1976

            Did Michal have children?

            II Samuel 6:23 “Therefore Michal the daughter of Saul had no child unto the day of her death.”

            vs.

            II Samuel 21:8 “But the king took the two sons of Rizpah . . . and the five sons of Michal the daughter of Saul.”

          • Becca<3

            The two phrases, “she bore to” and “she brought up,” are actually the same in the Hebrew (Yalad). When the translators realized the glitch that Michal had no children according to 2 Samual 6:23, they tried to “fix” the issue by translating this as “she brought up,” even though the Hebrew is identical for both italicized sections and in the same Qal tense, which means “bore” or “begat”—and not “brought up.”

            “Michal” appears in some of the manuscripts of the Masoretic text, which was utilized by the translators. Two ancient manuscripts—some copies of the Septuagint and the Syriac—use “Merab” (Michal’s sister), who was married to Adriel (see 1 Samuel 18:19). Michal was married to David, who became king, and he would not have
            stood for his wife having children with her sister’s husband.
            Some say that when Merab died, Michal took the place of Merab in the
            family (i.e., adoption); and though we are not necessarily opposed to
            this belief, having “Merab” instead of “Michal” is the better answer because of the reasons stated above. By good use of textual criticism, modern versions of the Bible—such as the ESV, NAS, NIV, and HCSB—have “Merab“

          • RealAmerican1976

            Is God omnipotent?

            Jeremiah 32:27 “Behold, I am the Lord, the God of all flesh: is there anything too hard for me?

            Matthew 19:26 “But Jesus beheld them, and said unto them, With men this is impossible; but with God all things are possible.”

            vs.

            Judges 1:19 “And the Lord was with Judah; and he drave out the inhabitants of the mountain; but could not drive out the inhabitants of the valley, because they had chariots of iron.”

          • Becca<3

            Liz also answered this well. The “he” refers to Judah, not God. the passage later goes on to show how the other tribes disobeyed God by not driving out all the pagan nations. This is what caused the nation of Israel to be corrupted with the pagan practices that God charged them for in Isaiah. had they obeyed in the first place, it wouldn’t have happened (yet another example of how obeying God the first time is always best, and when you sin, it effects others down the line.)

          • RealAmerican1976

            Who was Joseph’s father?

            Matthew 1:16 “And Jacob begat Joseph the husband of Mary, of whom was born Jesus.”

            vs.

            Luke 3:23 “And Jesus himself began to be about thirty years of age, being (as was supposed) the son of Joseph, which was the son of Heli.”

          • Becca<3

            Matthew and Luke give different Genealogies for Christ because one is Joseph’s family tree, and the other is Mary’s. It was customary at that time to label family lines through the men, even though Mary was clearly the next in line. This explanation is also valid since couples who married became “one flesh”, thus, it is adequate and accurate to label family lines through the men alone.

          • RealAmerican1976

            Does God accept human sacrifice?

            Deuteronomy 12:31 “Thou shalt not do so unto the Lord thy God: for every abomination to the Lord, which he hateth, have they done unto their gods; for even their sons and their daughters they have burnt in the fire to their gods.”

            vs.

            Genesis 22:2 “And he said, Take now thy son, thine only son Isaac, whom thou lovest, and get thee into the land of Moriah; and offer him there for a burnt offering upon one of the mountains which I will tell thee of.”

            Exodus 22:29 “For thou shalt not delay to offer the first of thy ripe fruits, and of thy liquors; the firstborn of thy sons shalt thou give unto me.”

            Judges 11:30-39 “And Jephthah vowed a vow unto the Lord, and said, If thou shalt without fail deliver the children of Ammon into mine hand, Then it shall be, that whatsoever cometh forth of the doors of my house to meet me, when I return in peace from the children of Ammon, shall surely be the Lord’s, and I will offer it up for a burnt offering. So Jephthah passed over unto the children of Ammon . . . and the Lord delivered them into his hands. . . . And Jephthah came to Mizpeh unto his house, and, behold, his daughter came out to meet him with timbrels and with dances: . . . And it came to pass at the end of two months, that she returned unto her father, who did with her according to his vow which he had vowed.”

            II Samuel 21:8-14 “But the king [David] took the two sons of Rizpah . . . and the five sons of Michal . . . and he delivered them into the hands of the Gibeonites, and they hanged them in the hill before the Lord: and they fell all seven together, and were put to death in the days of harvest . . . And after that God was intreated for the land.”

            Hebrews 10:10-12 ” . . . we are sanctified through the offering of the body of Jesus Christ . . . But this man, after he had offered one sacrifice for sins forever, sat down on the right hand of God.”

            I Corinthians 5:7 ” . . . For even Christ our passover is sacrificed for us.”

          • Becca<3

            Liz Answered this very well up above. Additionally, when God asked them in Exodus to “give him” their sons, it doesn’t mean via sacrifice. Hannah “gave” her son to the Lord when he became a prophet and a priest. She dedicated him to God’s service.

            In fact, in Isaiah 1:10-18, God calls the nation of Israel “Sodom and Gomorrah” (i.e. the most evil cities in the sight of God, this would have been a huge slap in the face to Israel because of their self-righteous attitude at the time). He tells them that He is SICK of their offerings and sacrifices. They thought they were being pious and faithful, but they had begun to copy the practices of the evil nations around them, predominately the practices of temple prostitution and child sacrifice. They had fallen so far from God’s original instructions. He’s sick of their festivals and burning of incense because they do it while continuing to live in iniquity. He will not listen to their prayers because their hands are full of innocent blood (the blood of their children). Then God says if they repent and turn from their wickedness, he will make their scarlet (bloodstained) sins as white as snow.

            So clearly, God detests child sacrifice. Also, just because something happens in the bible doesn’t mean that it’s right. There are many accounts of evil and wrongdoing that are written in scripture for us to learn from. Like with Jephthah, he was very unwise to make such a vow, because he did not know the future, but because he had made the foolish vow, he was still bound by his promise. It wasn’t right, but he had no choice. This is also why God said not to make vows in the New Testament, but simply honor your word, so that you are not irrevocably bound by an oath. God has the right to swear oaths if He chooses. Just because God says WE can’t do something doesn’t mean he can’t. For example, God commands us not to take revenge for “‘Vengeance is mine’ saith the Lord.” He also tells us not to judge others, yet He himself is the Great Judge.

          • Anonymous

            Wow; great word!

          • RealAmerican1976

            Should we own slaves??

            Leviticus 25:45-46 “Moreover of the children of the strangers that do sojourn among you, of them shall ye buy, . . . and they shall be your possession . . . they shall be your bondmen forever.”

            Genesis 9:25 “And he [Noah] said, Cursed be Canaan; a servant of servants shall he be unto his brethren.”

            Exodus 21:2,7 “If thou buy an Hebrew servant, six years he shall serve: and in the seventh he shall go out free for nothing. . . . And if a man sell his daughter to be a maidservant, she shall not go out as the manservants do.”

            Joel 3:8 “And I will sell your sons and your daughters into the hand of the children of Judah, and they shall sell them to the Sabeans, to a people far off: for the Lord hath spoken it.”

            Luke 12:47,48 [Jesus speaking] “And that servant, which knew his lord’s will, and prepared not himself, neither did according to his will, shall be beaten with many stripes. But he that knew not, and did commit things worthy of stripes, shall be beaten with few stripes.”

            Colossians 3:22 “Servants, obey in all things your masters.”

            vs.

            Isaiah 58:6 “Undo the heavy burdens . . . let the oppressed go free, . . . break every yoke.”

            Matthew 23:10 “Neither be ye called Masters: for one is your Master, even Christ.”

            Pro-slavery bible verses were cited by many churches in the South during the Civil War, and were used by some theologians in the Dutch Reformed Church to justify apartheid in South Africa. There are more pro-slavery verses than cited here.

          • RealAmerican1976

            The Bible is, obviously, riddled with inaccuracies.

            (This is a wildly accepted fact but I guess word hasn’t reached you yet.)

          • Carliss

            I apreciate the fact that you are looking for real answers. I’ve read the other comments and it seems like many girls have already given you reasons for why they believe God exists. however, if you don’t accept these answers as proof, can I ask you a question? What would you accept as proof that God exists and that the Bible can be trusted 100%? I would love to help you but without knowing what kind of evidence you are looking for it is rather difficult to discuss this topic.

          • RealAmerican1976

            The Bible is filled with contradictions, inaccuracies and things that are just flat out wrong. It was obviously written by ancient men and re-wrtten over the centuries. Its stories of magic and miracles cannot be trusted as fact.

            In order to believe God or Zeus or Allah or Odin is real, I would demand actual evidence.

            Studying the information with only the slightest amount of skepticism cannot help put to put the veracity of the Bible and the existence in God and Zeus and Allah and Odin into far more than doubt.

            The facts are in. That’s why people are leaving the church in unprecedented numbers today. The sharing of information and easily accessible information on the internet makes it clear, when it comes to religion, there’s just no there there.

            But feel free to say something, anything that might change my mind.

          • Liz C

            These are good questions RealAmerican1976. I recently asked my mom a similar question: what makes Christianity better than any other religion. Her rely was that it really goes down to the Bible. Unlike what you said above, there is no contradictions in the Bible. Your example in Genisis 1 is not a contradiction. When writing a formal essay you are supposed to have a thesis statement in your first paragraph that gives the point of your paper. That is how I view Genisis 1:1: as the thesis statement of Genisis 1. (Besides the fact there are two heavens, the wonderful Paradise that is called heaven and the sky.)

            The fact that God made everything in 7 days is true. God is a wonderful ALL powerful being that can do anything, including making plants survive until he makes the sun and stars and moon, and providing light without them and making the universe in a week.

            I’ll be praying for you to find the right answers, and that God will work in your life.

          • RealAmerican1976

            Does God accept human sacrifice?

            Deuteronomy 12:31 “Thou shalt not do so unto the Lord thy God: for every abomination to the Lord, which he hateth, have they done unto their gods; for even their sons and their daughters they have burnt in the fire to their gods.”

            vs

            Genesis 22:2 “And he said, Take now thy son, thine only son Isaac, whom thou lovest, and get thee into the land of Moriah; and offer him there for a burnt offering upon one of the mountains which I will tell thee of.”

            Exodus 22:29 “For thou shalt not delay to offer the first of thy ripe fruits, and of thy liquors; the firstborn of thy sons shalt thou give unto me.”

            Judges 11:30-39 “And Jephthah vowed a vow unto the Lord, and said, If thou shalt without fail deliver the children of Ammon into mine hand, Then it shall be, that whatsoever cometh forth of the doors of my house to meet me, when I return in peace from the children of Ammon, shall surely be the Lord’s, and I will offer it up for a burnt offering. So Jephthah passed over unto the children of Ammon . . . and the Lord delivered them into his hands. . . . And Jephthah came to Mizpeh unto his house, and, behold, his daughter came out to meet him with timbrels and with dances: . . . And it came to pass at the end of two months, that she returned unto her father, who did with her according to his vow which he had vowed.”

            II Samuel 21:8-14 “But the king [David] took the two sons of Rizpah . . . and the five sons of Michal . . . and he delivered them into the hands of the Gibeonites, and they hanged them in the hill before the Lord: and they fell all seven together, and were put to death in the days of harvest . . . And after that God was intreated for the land.”

            Hebrews 10:10-12 ” . . . we are sanctified through the offering of the body of Jesus Christ . . . But this man, after he had offered one sacrifice for sins forever, sat down on the right hand of God.”

            I Corinthians 5:7 ” . . . For even Christ our passover is sacrificed for us.”

          • Liz

            God doesn’t approve of human sacrifice but he wants us to put him before everything else. I’m the case of Abraham and Isaac it was a test to prove that Abraham loved God more than anything, or any one, else.

            In the case of Jephthah, God was again testing him to see if he would keep his promise, because, again, God wants us to put him before any thing else.

            Exodus 22:29 he’s making the same point.

            II Samuel 21: 8-14, God didn’t tell David to do that, and the “God was intreated for the land” means God was begged to lift the famine from the land.

            The last two that you put “Without the shedding of blood there is no remission” Hebrews 9:22. “For the wages of sin is death” Romans 6:23. These verses are saying that we were tried by the just God and found to be guilty of sin. Our punishment for sin is to die. There was no way that the judge could pardon us. Jesus, the judge’s only son, volunteered to take our punishment. That was the only way we could live.

          • RealAmerican1976

            Is God omnipotent?

            Jeremiah 32:27 “Behold, I am the Lord, the God of all flesh: is there anything too hard for me?

            Matthew 19:26 “But Jesus beheld them, and said unto them, With men this is impossible; but with God all things are possible.”

            vs.

            Judges 1:19 “And the Lord was with Judah; and he drave out the inhabitants of the mountain; but could not drive out the inhabitants of the valley, because they had chariots of iron.”

          • Liz

            Yes, God is Omnipotent.

            It’s not talking about God not being able to drive out the inhabitants of the valey. It’s saying that Judah wasn’t able to do it. God just decided that he wasn’t going to help them drive out the valley inhabitants.

          • RealAmerican1976

            How many animals on the ark?

            Genesis 6:19 “And of every living thing of all flesh, two of every sort shalt thou bring into the ark.”

            Genesis 7:8-9 “Of clean beasts, and of beasts that are not clean, and of fowls, and of every thing that creepeth upon the earth, There went in two and two unto Noah into the ark, the male and the female, as God had commanded Noah.”

            Genesis 7:15 “And they went in unto Noah into the ark, two and two of all flesh, wherein is the breath of life.”

            vs.

            Genesis 7:2 “Of every clean beast thou shalt take to thee by sevens, the male and his female: and of beasts that are not clean by two, the male and his female.”

          • Liz

            There were two of every unclean animal and 7 pairs of every clean animal for sacrifice after the flood.

          • RealAmerican1976

            How old was Ahaziah?

            II Kings 8:26 “Two and twenty years old was Ahaziah when he began to reign.”

            vs.

            II Chronicles 22:2 “Forty and two years old was Ahaziah when he began to reign.”

          • Liz

            Ahaziah was both ages. These are two different kings. II Kings 8:25 In the twelfth year of Joram the son of Ahab king of Israel did Ahaziah the son of Jehoram king of Judah begin to reign. Read II Chronicles 21:16-22:1 You’ll see he is the son of Jehoahaz. Their fathers may both start with the letter J but they are two different people.

          • RealAmerican1976

            Are we all sinners?

            Romans 3:23 “For all have sinned, and come short of the glory of God.”

            Romans 3:10 “As it is written, There is none righteous, no, not one.”

            Psalm 14:3 “There is none that doeth good, no, not one.”

            vs.

            Job 1:1 “There was a man . . . who name was Job; and that man was perfect and upright.”

            Genesis 7:1 “And the Lord said unto Noah, Come thou and all thy house into the ark; for thee have I seen righteous before me in this generation.”

            Luke 1:6 “And they were both righteous before God, walking in all the commandments and ordinances of the Lord blameless.”

          • Liz

            Yes, we are all sinners. Those verses that say the men were “perfect and upright” aren’t saying they never sinned, they are saying that they had repented of their sin, and God didn’t look at it any more. 2 Corinthians 5:21 For he hath made him to be sin for us, who knew no sin; that we might be made the righteousness of God in him.

          • Becca<3

            I heartily agree with Liz. Noah was the only one walking with God in his time, he was the only one who pleased God, and his faith was counted as righteousness (Hebrews 11:7)

            for further study: http://www.ligonier.org/learn/devotionals/righteous-man/

          • RealAmerican1976

            Does God tempt people?

            James 1:13 “Let no man say . . . I am tempted of God: for God cannot be tempted with evil, neither tempteth he any man.”

            vs.

            Genesis 22:1 “And it came to pass after these things, that God did tempt Abraham.”

          • Anonymous

            In context, this does not make sense and is a translation misunderstanding. Actually, if you read the context of the story, God did not “tempt” Abraham; that is, to get him to sin, which is what James was talking about. God does not tempt man to do evil. In fact, in the Amplified, NKJV, NIV, and NLT (and I am sure others), the word “tested” is used, as this is more accurate. However, the Hebrew word used can be translated as tempt, but ALSO to put to the test or prove. And in the beginning of James 1, the author tells us to rejoice in the face of trials [testing]. You see, God does test us to strengthen us, as he did with Abraham and Isaac, but does not put us in situations to make us stumble or fall into evil, otherwise known as “ensnaring”. That is the work of the wicked and Satan, and is different than what happened to Abraham. 🙂

            Source:
            http://www.gotquestions.org/God-tempt-us-to-sin.html

          • RealAmerican1976

            You had to do a lot of heavy lifting to get that to make sense to you, eh?

            You believe in Satan, too, eh?

            Wow.

            How old is the Earth?

          • Anonymous

            I simply did research on the subject and tried to look at the situation in context. The Bible in its purest form, the ancient manuscripts, is God inspired. The modern translations of it are very close, but if you have ever studied another language, you will know that an exact translation is often impossible. That is why one cannot simply read the Bible, but must study it. I have been down the road of agnosticism (borderline atheism), and it brought me nothing but depression and anxiety. I had a hard time believing the Bible because there were so many conflicting views in Christianity on its interpretation. But, God says that wisdom is more precious than rubies, a treasure to be found. We must seek God. It is by the Holy Spirit that we find new wisdom through studying the Bible. You have to study the context, the translations, and the connections to other Scriptures. Taking one or two verses out of context simply won’t do.

            Yes, I believe in Satan, but for the sake of argument, even if he does not exist, the fact still remains that God does not tempt people to do evil, but does test people.

            I don’t know how old the Earth is. I am neither a geologist nor a theologian. I do not claim to know something unless I have researched it myself, and can conclude a concrete or near-concrete answer. I don’t believe people’s doctrines or teachings unless they align it with Scripture (and I don’t mean just one verse; I mean Scriptures throughout the Bible) and by studying other historical sources. I have heard evidence for both the new earth and old earth theory, and I can see some points for both. But my knowledge of this subject is shallow, so it would be unwise for me to weigh in.

            This is fun. I am learning a lot about the Bible, so thank you. I think it is funny that last month the bloggers at LYWB talked about getting obsessed with God’s Word, and that is exactly what you are pushing me to do. I love when God works that way. 🙂

          • phendricks

            “This is fun.” Love it. You go, girl. Keep on studying and seeking God with all you’ve got!

          • Becca<3

            Outstanding! I agree, this has pushed me to look deeper into the Word, using scripture to interpret scripture, and deepening my understanding of the bible:) Great job!

          • erinleedavis

            Anonymous (I’m going to nickname you SuperGirl!) 🙂

            I thought this response was smart, well thought out, and so grace filled. Way to go!

            Grace & Peace!

          • RealAmerican1976

            How do you know it actually is God-inspired?

            What proof do you have?

          • Anonymous

            RealAmerican,
            Proof? If you are asking for empirical evidence that God spoke to and worked in the lives of the authors of the Bible, there is none. But very few things in history are “proven” before we had video (you would need a time machine for that) because all of history is anecdotal accounts. We decide something in history is fact when it is corroborated, and as someone else has said, the Bible is corroborated by ancient texts. Also, because the 40 or so authors of the Bible span 40 generations and all have corroborating accounts of events, it is safe to say that the Bible is accurate. From your standpoint, it is safe to say that the Bible is mostly accurate. Most of these authors never knew each other, yet kept consistent themes of redemption, forgiveness, and sincere faith in their writings. Their accounts of events do not conflict. If you have ever played the game of telephone, or tried to tell a story with someone else who was with you, you know that people don’t just look at an event the same way down to the little details. It is pretty hard to believe that these authors’ words would all complement each other without the Divine hand of God. Also, if we can say Scripture is true, and it says that all Scripture is God-breathed (inspired), then there is my evidence. As I have already said, there is no definitive “proof”, only evidence. Yet the evidence in the biblical perspective is quite strong. 🙂

          • RealAmerican1976

            Extraordinary claims require extraordinary evidence.

            That’s just basic logic and reasoning.

            And, no, the evidence in the biblical perspective is NOT “quite strong.”

          • thehappygirl

            Hi @realamerican1976:disqus. I would like to point out that Genesis was originally written in Hebrew and James in Greek. The Hebrew definition of tempt is “to test or try; prove.” The Greek definition is “an experiment, a trial, temptation.” James used it in a negative context. God may try our faith, but He will never set us up to sin.

          • RealAmerican1976

            You’d think a supreme being would be able to be supremely clear in its intent, wouldn’t you?

          • RealAmerican1976

            Should we own slaves?

            Leviticus 25:45-46 “Moreover of the children of the strangers that do sojourn among you, of them shall ye buy, . . . and they shall be your possession . . . they shall be your bondmen forever.”

            Genesis 9:25 “And he [Noah] said, Cursed be Canaan; a servant of servants shall he be unto his brethren.”

            Exodus 21:2,7 “If thou buy an Hebrew servant, six years he shall serve: and in the seventh he shall go out free for nothing. . . . And if a man sell his daughter to be a maidservant, she shall not go out as the manservants do.”

            Joel 3:8 “And I will sell your sons and your daughters into the hand of the children of Judah, and they shall sell them to the Sabeans, to a people far off: for the Lord hath spoken it.”

            Luke 12:47,48 [Jesus speaking] “And that servant, which knew his lord’s will, and prepared not himself, neither did according to his will, shall be beaten with many stripes. But he that knew not, and did commit things worthy of stripes, shall be beaten with few stripes.”

            Colossians 3:22 “Servants, obey in all things your masters.”

            vs.

            Isaiah 58:6 “Undo the heavy burdens . . . let the oppressed go free, . . . break every yoke.”

            Matthew 23:10 “Neither be ye called Masters: for one is your Master, even Christ.”

            Pro-slavery bible verses were cited by many churches in the South during the Civil War, and were used by some theologians in the Dutch Reformed Church to justify apartheid in South Africa. There are more pro-slavery verses than cited here.

          • RealAmerican1976

            Your mother lied to you. The Bible is riddled with contradictions.

            (This is a widely accepted fact, I’m surprised it’s obviously news to you.)

          • Anonymous

            RealAmerican, I would like to begin by kindly asking you to read this post in its entirety, and then you can believe what you will. Firstly, no one can prove the circumstances of Creation. All anyone has is evidence, as you said. You cannot completely disprove God’s existence any more than I can infallibly prove it. There is a specific reason why this is so. First of all, the Bible warns against living by signs and wonders. When Jesus revealed himself to “Doubting” Thomas, he told him that those who believe withOUT seeing will be more blessed. This, in some ways, makes sense. If you had relationship with someone, wouldn’t you want them to trust you, or else the relationship would be shaky, right? I mean, if every time you went out or talked to someone and that person said, “Who was that? Why were you talking to them? I don’t believe you. PROVE to me that you still love me,”, you wouldn’t want to be with that person. God is only asking for the same kind of trust. That being said, God has revealed himself to us through certain signs and wonders. This is often an INITIAL demonstration of His love and power- but it is not what we should seek daily. We should simply seek to be with Him. That being said, just as once in awhile couples will do something special for each other, to show, not prove, their love for each other, God does even more miracles for those who believe. I have had several miracles happen in and around my life that at least prove (or provide evidence for) the existence of something “greater”, if not God himself.

            The most obvious one in my life was when I was at a church camp. I was alone, praying silently. I was wanting to know God’s leading for me, as others around me seemed to, but I just kept crying silently, “I can’t, I can’t, I can’t.” Nearly 15 minutes later, I was walking around the sanctuary, and the pastor came up to pray for me. He looked me dead in the eye and said, “God says to stop saying, ‘I can’t'”. I was astonished! Not only that, my prayer was answered (obviously I had heard God’s leading for me!).

            I have missionary friends in the Eastern Europe, near countries where persecution of Christians by radical groups was happening. The pastor kept seeing these men come to his services intermittently. Each time they came, the pastor felt unsettled, like a heavy darkness followed these men. He eventually found out these men had been a part of a radical persecution group. One day, these men came to an event at the church. The pastor noticed that the men kept touching the members of the church (on the shoulder and such, I suppose as in greeting). Now, the pastor’s children came running through the room, and the pastor spoke in English, (which is not the native tongue there; I don’t believe the men knew English, but I could be mistaken on that. However this fact was brought up pointedly in the story, so I believe the men did not speak English). The pastor called out, “Don’t you touch my children!” and one of the men looked at him and said in perfect English, “We can’t touch them; they are covered in the Blood of Jesus.”

            My brother was once on the road with his friends (he was in a band). They had just hired a new roadie, who was not a Christian. The guys were young, and they were playing around recklessly near a bridge and river, whose current was strong. The new guy fell into the river. My brother’s first thought was, “He doesn’t know the Lord; if he dies he will go to hell,” so my brother immediately jumped in after him. He grabbed the guy, and they were pulled swiftly down the river. My brother couldn’t grab hold of anything, and he thought he was going to die. Suddenly, someone grabbed the boys. The person took off his pants and tied them into a flotation device (a Boy Scout’s trick), keeping them boys afloat long enough to reach the river bank. When my brother turned to thank the man who saved him, he was gone. My brother was pretty shaken up.

            My pastor often goes on missionary trips to the Philippines. On a recent trip, he encountered a woman with a rare blood disease which made her appear to be a “lizard woman”. Her skin was completely hard and not malleable, and she had lived in pain and as an outcast. She did not have any look of civility on her face at all. While my pastor expected that he should go up and pray for her healing, that is not what he felt God was leading him to do. Instead, he heard God say in his heart, “She needs my love; just how her my love. Give her a hug.” So my pastor went up to this lizard like woman and wrapped his arms around her in a hug. Her skin felt hard and cold to his touch. He simply stayed there, showing this woman love, and literally in his hands, he felt warmth on her skin. He felt the hardness slip away, and suddenly her skin was completely healed!

            These are just a few examples of how God is working in my life and around the world. There are others that I could share, but none are as clear cut as these stories here. I pray that you open your heart to the love of God, for which he created you. His thoughts about you are more than the stars in the sky.

          • RealAmerican1976

            Those stories are about good people and good works, not about God.

            As for the claims of spontaneous healing, without any actual proof,I don’t believe them for a second. And neither should you.

          • Anonymous

            Well, my pastor wasn’t lying when he told the story. Also, your answer only explains my brother’s river adventure. How do you explain the pastor that knew what I was praying about in solitude?
            As I said, you can believe what you wish, but please, don’t ignore the facts (granted, as you have said, you will not believe the healing story due to lack of proof) I have laid out simply because they refute your way of thinking. 🙂

          • RealAmerican1976

            Without proof, your tales are simply anecdotal.

            Furthermore, I don’t actually believe them.

    • Kate

      I also want to say that God doesn’t make our decisions for us, He gives us free will. He guides us with us with our choices.

      • RealAmerican1976

        Okay, that’s nice.

        Now offer me some evidence of your assertion.

        How do you know that God gives you free will and guides your choices?

        How do you know God even exists?

        Do you have any proof of your assertions or are you just speculating and wishful thinking?

        • Becca<3

          Every religion except Christianity was started by one person or small group discovering their own personal revelations and sharing them with other, telling them to follow them (Buddhism has Buddha, Mohamed for Islam, Joseph Smith for Mormonism, and so on). However, Jesus did not write his own teachings, he taught and performed miracles and rose from the dead, and then EYE WITNESSES wrote down what they had seen and heard and THOUSANDS of other eye witnesses spread the gospel orally that way. After that, others wrote down how God had changed their lives.

          As for other scientific proof, there are 3 tests which archaeologists put documents through to find if the are accurate. One of these tests is the bibliographic test, which states that accurate documents must contain eye witness accounts and have these account written shortly after the originals were written. We consider the historical writings of Cornelius Tacticus to be an accurate account of the Roman Empire during the 1st century A.D. There are currently 20 copies of his major work (Annals) and only 1 copy of his minor work. The earliest of his major work was written roughly 1,000 years after the original copy of his minor work was written roughly 900 years after the original was penned.

          Compare these numbers to the New Testament, which is supported by over 24,000 different copies, the earliest of which was written merely 25 years after the original!!! The differences between these copies are trivial, proving that the text we have today is faithful to this original. This also proves that the bible is MORE ACCURATE than already-accepted Roman historical texts!

          If you would like, I have additional example and numbers of accepted historical documents that are less scientifically accurate than the bible. Also, these examples come straight from my science textbook. I hope this gives you some more insight:) Please remember to abide by the rules of this site in addition to common courtesy, and speak (or type) kindly to others who do not share your views, thanks:)

          • RealAmerican1976

            Your assertions are ludicrous! Just because SOME of the Bible is true that doesn’t mean ALL of the Bible is true.

            Despite whatever propaganda you have been fed, this DOES NOT prove that the bible is MORE ACCURATE than already-accepted Roman historical texts, it simply doesn’t. There is just too much obvious bunk in the Bible. From the age of the Earth

            The Bible also contains countless contradictions, inconsistencies and patently wrong statements. For every random fact you can confirm, there are a dozen more things that are obviously fairy-tales written by ancient men, guessing at how the universe works.

            Aside from the obvious contradictions, there are just a lot of things in this short section of the Bible that just doesn’t make sense.

            In Genesis 1:1 it says “In the beginning God created the heaven and the earth.”, then later on in Genesis 1:8 it says “And God called the firmament Heaven.” So did he create heaven twice? Are there two heavens? I thought maybe the first statement was just saying what God did, then it was going to explain in detail how he created heaven and earth… but in Genesis 1:2 the earth has already been created. So I have to believe that there was a double creation of heaven.

            On the first day, God created light. No problem there, right? But God didn’t create any sources of light until the forth day. So did he only invent the concept of light on the first day, but no light was around until the forth day? If he had light, as well as darkness, and light and day… then why did he have to make the sun, moon, and stars? No matter how you look at the subject of light during the creation, it just doesn’t add up.

            Sunlight brings us to another problem. We know the sun was created on the forth day… but plants were created on the third day. We know plants require sunlight to live, so why did God make these things in this backwards order? Now if we take the literal time frame, and a day in creation as being a 24 hour period, the plant thing isn’t a real problem… plants can survive 24 hours.

            But then the whole creation story loses credibility… who really believes the universe was created in less than a week? Not even most creationist believe this one. That is why many people say that a day in the creation was 1,000 to 7,000 years (depending on who you ask). Name a plant that can live 7,000 years with perfect conditions… much less with no sunlight.

            How can a serious person take the history or the science coming from that author seriously???

            The very obvious truth is, the cannot.

          • GR

            You seem very passionate about this subject. I would recommend reading Lee Strobel’s A Case for Christ and any of the articles and resources by Answers in Genesis, as they deal with the questions and objections you have voiced here. I wish you well and that the above resources will be a help to you.

          • RealAmerican1976

            Answers in Genesis and Young Earth creationism are not taken seriously by serious people.

            Sorry!

  • Kate

    Thank you so much for this! You reminded me of the beautiful Christian film Princess Cut. Princess Cut is proof that if we trust God with our love life, He will bring the right person into our lives. For those of you who have not seen this movie, watch the movie! The main character is like a lot of young women who has the desire to marry.

    • RealAmerican1976

      A fictional movie is not “proof” of anything. It’s a scripted fantasy.

      You do know that, right?

      • TiffyPop

        I know this is old but I just came across it…. so I’m wondering, why are you on here if you don’t believe it anyway? I usually don’t feel the need to be combative on a topic unless there’s a conflict in my heart over it. Just saying…if you really don’t believe, just let those who do, believe what they want. Have you entered adulthood without feeling you have a voice? It seems everyone here has talked with you, showing you kindness, only to receive rude responses in return. It doesn’t really make sense does it? I’m sorry if you didn’t get the attention you needed growing up, just don’t take it out on people you simply don’t agree with. It’s a fruitless activity regardless of beliefs and you end up looking sort of sad.

        • RealAmerican1976

          I wrote this two years ago, but I believe my point was that a fictional film isn’t proof of anything.

          That’s nothing controversial about that.

          • TiffyPop

            Sure I get that, but my point is, you don’t believe, yet you feel the need to post your refutes. My question is why and what is driving you? I’m a believer and I have zero desire to post on an atheist thread or another religion in hopes of proving them wrong – unless however, I was conflicted or perhaps fearful regarding the subject matter on a particular thread. I am also fully aware it’s “His kindness” that brings folks to repentance, to Himself, not our debate skills. So again, I can only imagine you’re experiencing internal conflict of your own. You may want to ask yourself why other people believing in God raises such strong reactive emotion in you…. to be honest, you’ll simply never convince a true believer God is not real. You just won’t. Once someone’s been deeply touched by the Holy Spirit, they’re never the same. Nothing in this world will change the mind of someone who truly knows Christ. I’m not talking about religious people, but people who have a relationship with Jesus. It’s the most real thing in the universe. Proper argument requires understanding of both sides, someone who doesn’t know Christ simply doesn’t have that understanding leaving their argument as nothing more than a slinging of learned information. It simply can’t match experience….but anyway, not sure why you would run from Him. He’s the only one who can give what your heart truly longs for..

          • RealAmerican1976

            I simply said that a fictional film is not proof of anything. That’s simply a fact. I wasn’t trying to challenge anyone’s beliefs.

            Since you bring up my beliefs, I’m a rational, logical thinker so I don’t believe in magical thinking, imaginary friends, fairy tales or things that cannot be proven.

            I believe that your conviction that your God is real is no different than a Jew’s belief in their God or a Muslim’s belief in Allah or a Viking’s belief in Odin or an ancient Greek’s belief in Zeus. You’re all just as sure that’s you’re the one who is right about something you can never, ever prove.

            I was born into a religious family and have spent a lifetime studying history and comparative religion, my worldview comes from exhaustive research and falls in line with Albert Einstein’s.

            “I have repeatedly said that in my opinion the idea of a personal God is a childlike one. You may call me an agnostic, but I do not share the crusading spirit of the professional atheist whose fervor is mostly due to a painful act of liberation from the fetters of religious indoctrination received in youth. I prefer an attitude of humility corresponding to the weakness of our intellectual understanding of nature and of our own being.”
            Albert Einstein to Guy H. Raner Jr., Sept. 28, 1949.

            I have a life full of love, accomplishment, friendship, happiness and fulfillment and I don’t have deny logic, history, science or common sense for my worldview to make sense.

            It’s a good life.

            Thank you for your interest.

            Good luck!

          • TiffyPop

            I’m a rational and logical thinker as well. So we both have that in common. However, what you just stated is simply not true. You certainly were challenging people’s beliefs all throughout your comments on here. The film topic was merely a catalyst or your soapbox springboard – and you never answered my questions

          • RealAmerican1976

            What have I stated that is not true?

            Please explain how it is untrue and cite your sources.

            Thanks!

  • Deena Maga

    This is very true, may God help us all including me.

  • Joy

    Hi, this is not about the topic, but someday can you talk about predestination and how God is good in all that He does?

    • phendricks

      Absolutely, Joy. I’ll pass this on to our team. Let us know if you have any specific questions.

      • Joy

        Thank you, Paula

  • Maria Gutierrez

    Loved this post! For some reason so many of the blogs that I follow are posting about the same topic! This has been on my mind a lot lately. I struggle with this also. There are times when I trust God completely, but then I see my friends or family members getting married and having babies and I want that too, and so my trust falters….

  • Clarissa

    Hi Paula, can you possibly help me out here?

    I’m dealing with feelings of sadness and loneliness. About a year and a half ago, I met a Christian guy who was definitely more than surface level deep in his faith. I don’t know the extent of the depth of his faith, though. We kinda built a bit of a friendship over a year. I liked him, but I decided to trust God with the outcome. After a year, we parted our separate ways and agreed to keep in touch. But now, it hasn’t been all that easy to keep in touch and I just miss him, and I haven’t seen him in person for a long tie. My heart aches from the sadness. Even if a future relationship has nothing to do with it, I just miss him as a brother in Christ. I know the solution is to get busy serving others, but this always comes back to me. I don’t just want distractions, even distraction by focusing on other spiritual matters, to fill the gap. I want real healing from Christ. I want the hole to be mended. How does this happen?

    • phendricks

      Dear Clarissa,

      I’m so sorry for the pain you’re feeling. I do know there will always be sadness and loneliness this side of heaven. Only when we see God and live with Him forever will our tears and ache finally disappear. That’s cause we were made ultimately for Him, and anything less than Him could never heal that ache.

      I pray that you can use this ache to cause you to run to God through His Word and get to know Him and His heart for you and His plans for you. As you spend time with Him, He will take away that ache. One of my favorite verses–the one I sign my books with–is Psalm 16:11: “In Your presence is fullness of joy.”

      Another passage that comes to mind is Jeremiah 17:5-8:

      Thus says the Lord:
      “Cursed is the man who trusts in man
      and makes flesh his strength,
      whose heart turns away from the Lord.
      He is like a shrub in the desert,
      and shall not see any good come.
      He shall dwell in the parched places of the wilderness,
      in an uninhabited salt land.

      “Blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord,
      whose trust is the Lord.
      He is like a tree planted by water,
      that sends out its roots by the stream,
      and does not fear when heat comes,
      for its leaves remain green,
      and is not anxious in the year of drought,
      for it does not cease to bear fruit.”

      Praying this for you now,

      paula

  • Gracer

    I’m not afraid God’s gonna keep me single forever, more like afraid I’ll end up in an abusive, miserable marriage. I’d rather stay single, than risk a marriage like my parents’. In their case, they started out ok, but then they changed. People can’t be depended on. I don’t think I can ever trust anyone enough to marry, I’d always have a nagging doubt in the back of my mind, telling me that it can’t be trusted, that the other shoe is going to drop right when I least expect it. I admit this is a really pessimistic attitude to have. What should I do about it? Be gullible? My mother was. But, seriously, how can I change my attitude towards this? Please, your prayers are appreciated.

    • Emily Torbert

      Gracer, I completely understand where you’re coming from I’ve been there! Psalm 85:11 says, “For the Lord our God is our sun and our shield. He gives us grace and glory. The Lord will withhold no good thing from those who do what is right.” I’m not saying that your parents didn’t trust God or do what’s right, and I also know that that verse may be hard to read when you’re smack in the middle of pain, but it’s also true. God longs to give us His best. The desire of God’s heart is to give us the desires of our hearts. You asked how you could change your attitude about this situation. Do you trust your close friends? I think the answer is to trust God. This doesn’t mean we won’t know pain, but it means that God is bigger than all pain and He brings us through all pain. Also, remember that there ARE great guys out there who love the Lord and will love you even if they are not perfect men. No marriage on earth will ever be perfect because we’re all imperfect humans, but it can be GOOD. Keep praying! Don’t ever stop. God wants to hear everything you have to say. Every question, fear, doubt, and everything else. I’ll be praying with you. May God guide you and give you His peace, friend.

      • Gracer

        Thanks 🙂

    • phendricks

      Hey, Gracer,

      Been there. There was a period during my teen years when I hated men. (Now I know that men aren’t the enemy; sin is.)

      Anyway, I’m so sorry that your parents’ marriage is not reflecting the beautiful picture of Christ’s love for His Bride that it was meant to point to. I’m so sorry for the deep pain this has caused you.

      Beautiful marriages are built on Christ, as you both seek Him first and put each others’ needs ahead of your own.

      Here’s what I’d encourage you to do now (the same thing I did years ago):

      1. Ask God to show you beautiful marriages up close and personal. He might not answer right away, but keep asking. He will.

      2. Watch for these marriages. When you think you spot one, ask this couple if you can spend time with them. Maybe even just going over to help the wife cook dinner and clean up afterward. Tell them why you want to spend time with them. Ask them questions. Learn from them. And rejoice that good marriages are possible. I know, because I have one, by God’s grace. 🙂

      Praying now for you, Gracer,

      paula

  • erinleedavis

    RealAmerican1976,

    Hi! As the blog manager, I just wanted to hop on and tell you you are welcome here. We love to have new readers and welcome discussion. However, I wanted to remind you that 1. This is a Christian blog. We believe in the inherency of Scripture and the divinity of Christ. We’d love to discuss those beliefs with you, but please know those beliefs are the backbone of everything we post. 2. This is a blog for young women. As resident momma-bear, I am very protective of my girls and expect you to always interact with them with kindness and respect.

    Grace & Peace!

    Erin Davis

    • Kate

      Hi Erin! Thank you for stepping in. When I saw this person’s first post, I just had to defend my faith. I feel as if you defended me and the other girls who defended God and their faith.

      • erinleedavis

        Kate,

        I’ve always got your back.

        Grace & Peace!

        Erin Davis

  • Kate

    I also want to thank the girls who defended their faith. I needed back up and thank you for that.

  • Leanne

    A special shout out to Becca and Liz for their superior answers! Glory to God, hallelujah!

    • Anonymous

      Absolutely! Those girls know their Bible.

  • 1Dfanforever

    Ok so, me and my friends talk about this alot. Most of my friends are OK with being single. Me and 2 of my other friends are definitly NOT ok with being single. I feel like it’s in God’s will for me to marry, but what if it’s not. I’ve always dreamed of getting married on a beach and having tons of little kids to take care of. I feel like if I’m not married by at least 30 something I would just go ahead and find someone to have kids with. I so LONG to be held and kissed by a husband and to know what that feels like, if I never get married i might not ever know what that’s like. And I want to keep myself pure for my future husband which I have succeeded so far, but……I don’t know. Just the thought of being single all my life scares me. I wish I could be like all my other friends saying,” I’d be totally ok with being single.” But i’m not. I wish I could look at God’s Will and see what he has for my future. What are some ways to make myself for more calm at the thought of being single?? because honestly, I don’t think I could handle being single all my life.

    • Carliss

      Hey 1Dfanforever,
      There was a time in my life where I really struggled with being okay with the idea of being single also. I still desire to be married one day but by the grace of God, I can now say that God is enough, and if He choses to keep me single my whole life I can be content with that. So know that there is hope!

      I know this is going to sound very cliche but honestly the best thing you can do to become content with singleness is to get to know Christ better. The better we know Christ the better we are able to trust that “no good thing will He withhold from those who walk uprightly.” Thus we can know that if it would be better for us to be married He will get us married. And in the meantime we can rest assured that it is best for us to be single. When you better know God you will learn to trust that He is a good Father. “If you then being evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who trust Him?” I’ve found that it is one thing to know these things with your head, but completely another to believe them with your heart. Getting to know Christ more will increase your confidence in His love for you.

      That leads into the second thing that has helped me. If you aren’t currently content with singleness but want to be (and praise God that you want to be content with it! That desire is from Him and is a huge first step!) Ask God to give you contentment with whatever plans He has for you. Ask Him to enable you to surrender this area of your life to Him. James 4:2 tells us that “you do not have because you do not ask.” And Jesus commanded us to “ask and it will be given to you.” Contentment may not come immediately but if you continue to ask God will give it to you.

      The third thing that always encourages me is that even if we spend our whole life on this earth single, we will one day be married! Christ is our betrothed, and one day we will have a wedding in heaven and spend all of eternity with the most hansom, loving, sweet husband any girl could dream of. I love what Leslie Ludy says: “Jesus Christ is your true Prince, the One who gave His very life just to be with you, the One who can rescue you from the dungeon you are in, the One who can transform you into a radiant princess, the One who can carry you away to His beautiful land to cherish you forever. He is the only One who can meet your deepest longings; He is the only One worthy of your entire heart, life, soul, and body – all you are and all you have. Jesus Christ is the Prince you should passionately pursue with all your heart.” “He is the Lover of our soul. Our true Prince. The One we have been longing for, searching for, and dreaming of since childhood. The One who will love us the way no one else can love us; the One who will cherish us forever; the One who will transform us from a hopeless girl in rags into a beautiful, confident, radiant princess. He is the One who makes us ready for true, lasting, human love. And He is the One who meets our deepest needs when human love falls short.”

      I love the verse: “Oh, taste and see that the Lord is good; blessed is the man who trusts in Him! Oh, fear the Lord, you His saints! There is no want to those who fear Him. The young lions lack and suffer hunger; but those who seek the Lord shall not lack any good thing.” ~Psalm 34:8-10

    • phendricks

      Dear 1Dfanforever,

      In Matthew 6:25-34, God tells us not to be anxious about tomorrow (which would also include the “what if I’m single all my life” fear). God’s grace is always enough . . . for today. When we run ahead in our fearful minds, we go places we were never meant to go. I’d encourage you to focus on how God has provided for you *today*, and thank Him for those specific things.

      Also, I can tell you from watching dear friends around me that if you “just go ahead and find someone to have kids with,” you will be miserable. I’ve seen it far too many times, and it breaks my heart. Marriage does not equal automatic happiness. In fact, it is better to be lonely single than lonely in a marriage. Trust me. I’ve had too many front-row seats to this.

      If you’re going to be married, you *want* to wait for God’s time, when a godly man pursues you. And then each day, you will both need to continually put each others’ needs and desires ahead of your own if you are going to have a beautiful marriage.

      Please be warned. This is serious.

      paula

    • Can I please recommend Dannah Gresh’s book “Get Lost”? It’s amazing. After breaking up with my bf, it was a balm…and I’ve read it five times over. It will fill your desire b/c it shows how to put God as ur desire.

  • Kat

    I have been single my whole life !!!! I was told that God called me to be single to serve him instead or he will give me a guy I don’t want . Um I’m accept neither !!!! I expect more and better than that from God !!! I never expected to still be single at my age oh and other Christians with their endless speculations as to why . I don’t Trust God because I’ve been single my whole life and the utter bunk many Christians tell me

  • zaria

    i’m in the middle of reading this right now, but i do have a few questions. if we could email, it’d be really helpful. hopefully you’ll see this.

  • allyson

    I am 43 and have been single and celibate for 20 years now. Not dating as men don’t want to date a celibate woman. Even Christian men! A few months ago, well actually probably a week a go I could not read through that prayer without breaking down. I felt exactly like the lady in the email. Too scared to pray to give up, give in or go on. But I too had come to the conclusion that my desire had become sin. Its a horrible thing to realise that and worse to have to repent and let go and get back with loving God. What started out as a simple prayer over time became an obsession of sorts and a way to test God’s love for me or even at times if he was real. Its not easy and never will be but it is the right thing to do and in that I have peace.

    • We are so thankful to know that this was an encouragement to you. You have allowed God to open your eyes to a sin in your life and that is very courageous. Surrendering our hopes and dreams for our future is always the right thing to do…and it will bring peace as you are experiencing. Praying for you sweet sister!

  • Cristy

    I am struggling to trust God again

    • Miss Bee

      a-skies sis, hope this article find you well, i am sure you have regain the trust of the Lord…. Please remember what Paul said, what can separate you from the Love of God, Nothing actually, he said persecutions, disappointments, angels or demons..but nothing, meaning what you are going thru, you not alone, and what if God has a very better person out there for you , how are you going to repay the Lord?, sometimes God test us, when we say we love and trust God, when he brings calamities our way to test our faith then we start to show him our true colors…. Search and Try me ohh Lord and See if there’s Fault in me. Please trust God he shall direct your path… other ppl’s disappointments are worse than yours, and you can not chose to go the other side,because at the end the ultimate goal is we serve God cz we wana spend eternity with him.

  • Cristy

    It has been over 10 years since I put my most sacred and intimate request before God. All I ever asked him was a relationship towards marriage. I gave my life to him and lived in honor for him. The past 8 years have been brutally painful. I have been let down and looked over by God. I am not making this up. The 6 previous years I stayed in faith after being dumped by a man I thought i’d marry. I was single and serving God throughout. Praying he will bring me a husband to share my life with. I then met someone 6 years later. I prayed about relocating and God answered my prayers throughout. We encountered a huge problem about him having female friends. As I had just accepted his friends and started dating him again, more issues come up. Long story short, we could not overcome a hurdle and seperated. We had then again reconciled and put out past behind. Only God can explain but the hurt caused so much damage we broke up. I have been since standing in faith that God would heal out hurt and reconcile us. I am sorry for myself because the more I trusted God, the worst things got. How can I trust a God like that…? Why let me stay in faith so long to be hurt? Does God think I am a joke? I cannot accept It. Why call himself the GOD of impossible if he cannot even repay me for the years I have spend trusting him. I am sorry for myself for trusting him that much.

    • My heart goes out to you, Cristy! When we are in the midst of our emotions and feelings after “losing” someone, it can seem hard to trust God. But the truth is, we cannot see what He sees. We do not think like He thinks. He plans differently than we do (Is. 55:8-9). You’ve been off and on with this guy for several years. What if God, in His loving care and mercy, is actually protecting you from pain and sorrow down the road that you can’t even imagine in a future with this guy?

      God is a loving God. He has our best interest at the center of His heart for us. Everything He does is good. Psalm 119:68 says: “You are good and do good.” Sometimes when we don’t get what we want, our emotions and Satan can play into our thoughts and lead us to believe the lie that God is out to get us or that God wants to hurt us. Those are lies from the enemy and we will not find those things in Scripture. It is so important to take what we are thinking and feeling back to God’s Word to make sure we are thinking and feeling truth and not falling for lies.

      Will you take the time to read, re-read and re-read again through Psalm 103 and Romans 8:31-39 today? The words in these passages speak truths about God. I’m praying for you, Cristy!

  • Oli R

    I’m sorry but this was not helpful. It gave me less encouragement. Just because a woman wants to be married and find a match to be at the top of her list or desire does not mean that she is putting God second. God made us social creatures. We are not made to be alone. We need close companionship to thrive. God is a spiritual being. He cannot a company you to a picnic or the movies like a man on earth can. No man on earth can take God’s place. And yes he is the ultimate. But you are missing the point. We want God to guide us to a companion and stop the hurt of being lonely. Some do not see being single as a gift. It gets tired, boring and it is not good for your mentor well being.

  • Judosa Ruth

    high five for this article!!! Well written and spiritually on point! Singleness and Marriage are gifts but both have their pros and cons, blessings and struggles. Bravo!!!