Comments

HEY, GIRLS! We love hearing from you, but feel limited in the ways we can help. For one thing, we’re not trained counselors. If you’re seeking counsel, we encourage you to talk to your pastor or a godly woman in your life as they’ll know more details and can provide you with ongoing accountability and help. Also, the following comments do not necessarily reflect the views of Revive Our Hearts. We reserve the right to remove comments which might be unhelpful, unsuitable, or inappropriate.

Jacquelyn
the way I see it
on Tuesday, May 12, 2009 at 6:23 pm
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This is such a loaded question. I try to find a middle ground between a "homemaker apprenticeship" preparation, and "corporate ladder climber" preparation. Know what I mean? I'm not comfortable just saying, "A woman's place is in the home," but nor am I, "A woman should set out to find 'liberation' in the workforce and never bat an eyelash at domestic affairs."

I think it's okay to aim for both. I mean, I'm definitely planning to head to college (no way I'm changing that after all this planning and accelerated work!), and obviously I'd like a career. Will it be short? Long? I don't know. But I think it's good to be prepared.

The way I see it, a woman's life has many more strands and seasons than a man's. We should be ready to embrace them all, in their due time.
Rachel
Yes!
on Tuesday, May 12, 2009 at 7:31 pm
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I feel this stress to figure out what I want to do with my life, even though I'm still two years from graduating high school. I feel like if I don't figure out what to go to college for, then I won't make it in life. Part of it is that these days you need a decent job to pay the bills, pay for food and have a roof to sleep under. I've always wanted to be a wife and a mom. A part of me just thinks that I can go to college and get my degree and then I'll get married and won't have to worry about working. But what if I don't get married right away... or ever? Then how am I supposed to support myself? I can't live with my parents forever! I think part of it is trusting in the Lord that he will guide you, and you just have to be quiet, patient and listen for his voice. But it is still hard. Especially when everyone else around you is going to college and getting careers. It's almost like you HAVE to get a career and go to college otherwise you're just... like.. not the norm or something.
Steph
oh yeah
on Tuesday, May 12, 2009 at 11:47 pm
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i definitely relate to this. i see wife and motherhood as not living up to your potential. the world has messed up my view so much. in my heart i know its a high calling, but my head still tells me "NO you are talented and should get out into the work force." wow!
Sarah
Go Rachel!
on Wednesday, May 13, 2009 at 9:05 am
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I feel that way alot of the time. Another thing that bothers me is what if I never marry, what am I suppose to do? I know God holds my life in His hands. So I will continue to trust Him. Please Pray for me in this area.
April
Re:
on Wednesday, May 13, 2009 at 11:22 am
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It's been a stuggle for me, too. I love my mom to pieces( I do; she's a really great mom), but my mom really wants me to have a profession so that I wouldn't have to worry about things like bills, and where I'm going to sleep, and stuff like that. I understand that completely given this ecomomy, but what about what God wants. My dad always tells me to follow what God wants for my life, but I don't want to disappoint my mom. In need of godly advice, please?
Jenny
Confused
on Wednesday, May 13, 2009 at 12:09 pm
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Thank you for making my day! I love, love the idea of having a series on marriage and children!
The last few days I have been believing the lie that I have to have a job. I mean I want to have a job, a job that makes me look good.
I really need help on this issue! I am really confused. I am not quite sure what I should do?!
I still have two years of high school left, but before I know it I won't have any left. I will have to make a discision. I want to make the right one. Help!
Sam
ummmmmm
on Wednesday, May 13, 2009 at 12:17 pm
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welll---would i be totally bad to disagree with this. I mean, i kinda agree with Jacquelyn, aim for both. But at the same time it's totally not wrong for women to want careers. I mean if we tried to model our lives after the people in the bible then we'd be living in the dark ages. We need to progress with society. I'm going to college, i'm getting a job, and i'm NOT interested in getting married until at least 30! I'm still going to work when i'm married and i'm not even sure if i'm going to have kids (to be honest the whole ordeal just kinda freaks me out). but i do want kids, so i'll probably adopt. And when i do have a kid at home to take care of i'll stay home until he/she goes to school, then i'll be back in work. Also i want to be a writer so i suppose i could work from home, but i want to be a screenwriter for movies so that might not be possible.

It's just that i grew up in a VERY fundamentail church, where women were basically looked down on. They were not allowed basic freedoms from their husbands/dads-like driving!!!! One girl i know could NOT get her license until she was 24!!!! The women in that church were looked down on as less intelligent, weaker (mentally), and not as important as men. So if you can understand were i'm coming from it's a very sad background of sexism...in addition my PREVIOUS church (the one i grew up in) is practically racists, and i can't stand racism. Girls/women who told that they could NOT go to college, and their only goal in life was to have lots and lots of babies (and when i say lots i mean LOTS!!! most of the women in my church at 10+ kids!!!) and to serve their precious husbands hand and foot. It it a sad and pathetic situation, especially since ALLLL the women go along with it. They are NOT allowed to wear pants or anything resembling pants-like loose shorts or caprice. And if a women has a job she is considered evil (and i am NOT making this up-although i wish i was!!!!)

I completely rebelled against this line of thinking a LONG time ago---and thankfully we have just resently (with in the last 2 months) began going to a different church-PRAISE GOD!!!! So if you can understand where i'm coming from then maybe u won't judge me when i say that i'm DEFIANTLY getting a job...I mean i've got the rest of my life to be married and so i don't see the need to jump into it, the moment i turn 20-that in my opinion is a waste of time....

Sam (i am a girl my full name is Samantha lol)

PS: also for those of u that say u can make it in life without going to college, well that's just wrong....i guess if you're only aim in life is to have babies then yeah! you sure dont' need a college degree for that...but anything else in life then YES! you willlll need a college degree! Please all u girls out there-think beyond babies and husbands-they r good but in the right season of life-NOT when you're still a young person. so basically it's NOT wrong to get a job it's NOT wrong to want a future-it all just has to fall in line with a family (and for me a family is NOT any time soon)
JessLBee
Yes!!! I get conflicting messages too!
on Wednesday, May 13, 2009 at 1:04 pm
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Even though I am only 16, all I really want to do is serve the Lord at home and get married. I personally have decided that I don't need to go to college to be successful. My family supports me in that, but when I talk to certain friends and they ask when I am getting my driver's license and when I say in a couple years (sorry long story, I know you are probably shocked as well), from that question usually stems into "are you going to college?", "what?!, I can't believe you're not going to college. How are you going to support yourself?" When I tell them that I just want to get married and have a bunch of kids, they still don't believe that I am not going to college. They ask "what if your husband dies....you have no way of supporting yourself" Its like they don't get that God is the one who provides and cares for you. They don't get that if a husband were to die God would provide for that widow. You don't have to have a career or go to college to be successful!!!! I am so glad that I have a family that supports my goal to be a stay at home mom. I think that is what God designed for women to be.......to be a wife and mother.

~Jess
courtney
Re:
on Wednesday, May 13, 2009 at 1:50 pm
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i've always wanted to be a wife and mom ever since i was little, but i'd also love to have an exciting career. in my mind i could easily do both and wait to have kids until i've worked a while, but i want to do what god has in store for me, because his plans are the best ones!
Amelia
Kind of Agree
on Wednesday, May 13, 2009 at 2:32 pm
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I kind of agree. Our role is on home, but when our family is hurting because we need money, I think it's important for the wife to be able to fall back on something just in case. But personally, I'd like to work as long as it doesn't get in the way of family.
Sheri @PurelyHis
Outstanding!
on Wednesday, May 13, 2009 at 3:09 pm
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I just found your blog through Dannah's website and have been oh, so blessed! Thank you for sharing on this very important topic... As a wife and mommy, I want to encourage as many young ladies as I know that "Yes, it's OK to be a wife and mom in 2009!" Amen sister.
Erin Davis
Jenny
on Wednesday, May 13, 2009 at 3:18 pm
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Well, you're in for some great content this month on the blog. I've lined up a slew of authors, speakers, wives, and moms to help us define Biblical womanhood.

For the record, I think jobs are great! We can see in Proverbs 31 that it is a good idea for women to work and have income (we'll talk more about this important Proverb later in the month), but what we are going to be taking about is where that should fit on the priority list.

I cant' wait to see how God uses the blog this month to teach us all more about Him.

Stay tuned...

Erin
silvermist
my opinion
on Wednesday, May 13, 2009 at 3:49 pm
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i think we need to make sure are career (after we get marryed) dosent interfeere with are family like you nead to be home to cook your husband supper that is are God given job were to be hommakers we should not let are career get in the way of cleening our home and taking care of r husbands.... and then after you have kids its your job to raise them and take care of them NOT THE BABYSITERS! i think thats a big problem today every one sends there kids to baby sitters i mean who is the one raising your kids if you work then your kids going to spend like half its time at the baysiters!! any way i dont see any thing wrong with a women with a career as long as it dosent interfeer with her god given job....
laura
Getting a husband
on Wednesday, May 13, 2009 at 8:50 pm
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i cant wait to be married...in fact i worry that i wont ever get a husband! the culture around me doenst affect me much because i am so bent on getting a husband. i drive my friends crazy with my worries. but i really want to have a good sweet husband and i dont want to find him when im forty!! i hope god wont make wait that long!
anonimouss
my opinion
on Wednesday, May 13, 2009 at 10:11 pm
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(this is not meant to be offencive, it myy opinion.) the hole "our purpose is helpers and raising the next generation" idea only works for the first generation, cus if womens only purpose is that than why would God even make us?? also why can men be fathers first and still pursue career but women cant
i find the section in the book very discouraging and confusing because i dont agree
thank you
rachael
being pushed
on Thursday, May 14, 2009 at 12:58 pm
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I've never had an extreme desire to go to college for four years or to enter an office. But my family and friends (and even church leaders) will say that it's better to be single and pursue my dreams. I wouldn't mind getting a college degree just incase something happened to my future husband but, i would also want a degree that my family could benefit from. I've been called nuts because of that. I've always wanted to act like a woman (even just be wearing a skirt or something feminine) because i want to, I feel it's natural. And then they'll say that i have to be as tough as the guys when I have no desire to be that way (even though considered cool by some people).but i'm always feeling a tug and pull from alota people that even considering having a relationship is a waste of time. it seems alot of married people are discouraging marriage. I'm sort of getting discouraged by all that. I don't want to have a career, i want to serve a family someday! I'm feeling alot of pressure
Leigh
Re:
on Thursday, May 14, 2009 at 1:11 pm
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This is a question that has stumped many. It is a hard issue. Girls, expecially people like me, don't like being told what to do. For me when I hear that we're supposed to stay at home and have children, a immediate picture comes to my head. Me being a mother taking care of screaming kids and with no help from my husband
Brandi
I'm not sure what to do!
on Thursday, May 14, 2009 at 7:19 pm
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My whole life I have always wanted to be a docter. I have always felt like it was what God made me to do. But lately i've really wanted to be a wife and a mother. I always thought I could do both, but that might mean getting a nanny for my kids and always being on call 24/7. That doesn't seem fair to my future kids. I would be their mother and I'm supposed to be the one to take care of them and teach them stuff. Not somebody else. And I don't want them to grow up always remembering how mom was always busy with work and didn't get to spend a whole lot of time with them. So I really don't know what to do. I should start praying about it and see what God is telling me. I'm only a freshman thought, so I know I have plenty of time to think about it or do I? You never know when your going to meet "The Guy". Got any advice for me?
Leigh
Re: my opinion
on Thursday, May 14, 2009 at 10:26 pm
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Thank you for stating that. I could not have agreed with you more.
Lauren E
What Should Be Considered
on Friday, May 15, 2009 at 12:14 am
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Hey ladies!

I realize this is a major issue today! I think everyone can agree that there is extreme pressure placed on every high school student about college or careers. It's stressful.

God does have a plan for you. That's one thing you can be absolute on. Pray, pray, and pray some more! He will answer your prayers and lead you down the path He has intended for you! Just be willing to listen.

As for careers...God fills us all with passions! If you love animals and feel God wants you to do something along that line, follow that! If you have a passion for helping people, then help them! God gave us passions to drive us and to get us to follow our intended paths with strength and determination! If you really don't know what to do, you can always major in Bible Studies in college! Help others find Christ through ministry! Listen to God, feel out those internal (positive) passions, and do what you're meant to do!

However, if God wants you to be a mother too, then that's great! Again, he has a plan for each of us! Don't worry about it now. Be the best you can be daily and live a day at a time. Relax and have faith in the Lord! You CAN balance both if He wants you too!

Have faith and everything will fall into the path!

Blessings!
Lauren E
Jacquelyn
Brandi
on Friday, May 15, 2009 at 10:16 am
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I am also interested in pursuing a career in the health field. However, I'd encourage you to look at the different options you may have that require less time in school and more flexible options for the future. Becoming a medical doctor is not the only way to a health career! Check out this site:

www.explorehealthcareers.org

Maybe you can find something that fits better with your desire to be a wife and mother.

Blessings,
Jackie
Cheyenn
hey everybody
on Friday, May 15, 2009 at 9:20 pm
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I also think that it's NOT wrong for girls to want a career, and they can study for it... but our HIGHEST calling is Still to be a wife and mom. We don't NEED to pursue a career just in case we don't get married, because if God calls us to stay single, then he will provide a way for us to have enough money to live on. he will provide MORE than we need! ...
Leigh
Re:
on Friday, May 15, 2009 at 11:01 pm
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It is so hard for me to just submit. I mean, I am a very outspoken girl exsecially when I'm with my guy friends. I defend my opinions and it is so hard for me to think that one day I may be needing to submit to one of them. It drives me crazy because i think alot of men just sit around, make their wives do the work and say "well, you're supposed to submit to me". (Seriously, I want to smack them on the head!!) I have been very blessed to grow up in a home with Christian parents. My dad helps my mom at every opprotunity. He is her best friend. But I see dads in my friends homes who just come home and basically, just expect their wives to serve them. I don't think that is right. Yes, we need to love and respect our husbands but I also think that they need to respect and love us as well. Our place my be in the home, but I think they need to help out as well. I guess I'm scared that I won't find a huseband like my dad is to my mom. I want my husband to be my absolute best and closest friend my soulmate. My one and true love, and I'm scared that I won't find that guy.
Front Porch Society
Re:
on Saturday, May 16, 2009 at 2:17 am
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I think we hold up this Proverbs 31 Woman way too high on some pedestal and the end result is a lot of frustration, guilt, and shame because we as women can never "measure" up. I hate to say it, but women need to stop living in her shadow. We are not created to serve or be slaves to man. We are created to be an example of God's beauty to the world around us.
As for whether all women are meant to be wives or mothers - not every woman is meant to be. It is also silly to just sit around waiting for someone else to provide for you while you hope and pray some man will come along and marry you. There is nothing wrong with getting an education or having a career/job.
I am 30 years old, single, have a career, and have lived on my own for 12 years. I am responsible - I take care of myself. I do not just stay living at my parents' home, mooching off of them, and waiting around for some guy to maybe come around.
There is a huge difference between being a responsible mature woman and being some left-winged feminist. Having a career does not make a woman a feminist.
There is also nothing wrong with wanting to be a wife or a mother some day. But you cannot just sit around waiting for that day to happen. Life will pass you by.
gigi
marriage
on Saturday, May 16, 2009 at 6:51 am
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I was reading the blog and I am a woman who went to college and had a family. I've been married for 27 years and have three children, 2 in college.
I stayed home with my children and did part time work because this is what I felt the Lord wanted me to do. I thought you young girls should know that putting your life in the lord's hands is the answer because he will guide you and also will provide for all your needs.
Now that my children are grown, I work full time but I can tell you from experience that nothing is as fulfilling (at least for me) as the time I got to spend with my children. They are a precious gift from God and if you look to him he will give you the desires of your heart.
Modern culture tells you that being a wife and mother is not a career, but if that is where the lord is leading you then trust him to know what is best for you. He
knew what was best for me and my life has been blessed by a loving husband who treats me with full respect as his wife, partner and friend.
Steph
a mix
on Saturday, May 16, 2009 at 10:55 am
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my mom always says, prepare for a career in case you need to support yourself. but also, when you do get married, let your husband support you if at all possible. you need to be prepared for BOTH :]
anonymous
this is really bugging me
on Saturday, May 16, 2009 at 2:00 pm
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ive always been called to be a missionary and a writer. yes called by God. careers are for girls to not just boys. and what if i want to pursue a career and be a mom. oh what if God wants me to?? why would that be wrong at all??
chloe
idk but i think....
on Sunday, May 17, 2009 at 3:40 pm
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i think that's great that she wants to do that but i also think that she should get a job at some point or marry someone who makes exceptionally good money because in these times u need all the money that u can get. and i don't think that she should just sit at home with her kids because that could lead to trouble if something happened such as her husband losing his job.
CBear
Happy Medium
on Sunday, May 17, 2009 at 4:46 pm
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The way I see it, if a woman is capable of holding a job while spending sufficient time with her family, she should. (What did we all get an education for?) It is better for the financial security of the family, and the kids will have better opportunities (college) in the future. However, if the job gets in the way of the family and they could manage w/out 2 working parents, it would probably be better for Mom to think of the family. (especially with young kids)

I do acknowledge the importance of being a wife/mom (I want to, while holding on to a job if possible), but saying that now can spark some annoyance among females... (My friends whom I discussed this with labelled this mentality as sexist. Quite frankly, I can see where, presented in the wrong context, this view could be. Meaning no offense, Erin&co.)
Lisa
The feminist movement ruined everything!
on Sunday, May 17, 2009 at 7:58 pm
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Ok so I to, hear the messages but couldn't care less about what is said about motherhood and being a wife. I know that God designed women for this and that is all I need to know. Why bother having children if you don't plan on raising them yourself? Do you see the ruin that our society is in? In part because of the fact that kids are not being parented by actual parents but by sitters and daycare workers. Women and men alike have made 'things' more important than people. They want to pay for thier big fancy houses and brand new cars and everything else that we throw money away on. It is more important to stay home and raise your children ladies. Now if there are circumstances that dont allow you to stay home then that is one thing, but if that circumstance has a name brand on it then that is not good enough. Our children deserve to have at least one parent fully involved in raising and training them. it is dads job to go work and earn money, not moms! Mom is the most important job in the world and the sooner we learn that the better off we will be. Lets get away from the whole feminist attitude and realise that this world needs its mothers to mother.
bri
lisa
on Monday, May 18, 2009 at 7:58 pm
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I find you're comment very oppressing and sexist. If dad's go out and don't spend time with their kids then it's the dad's problem, not the moms. What if God made me to be a wife and have a career for His glory?
silvermist
LISA AND BRI
on Tuesday, May 19, 2009 at 1:50 pm
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first of all i agree with you LISA go girl!!!

and to BRI i dont think God will callyou to be both a mom and a have a career you canot have a job and still raise your children it will not work!!! i beleive that God dose call women to jobs but only if they are ment to stay single i personaly know a girl in colledge studying to be a christion lawyer but she knows she cant be a laywer and a mom so she is not planning to be marryed God calls some people to stay single and if he dose you will be cntent with that!!! any way thats all for now

silvermist
Erin Davis
Silvermist, Lisa, and Bri
on Tuesday, May 19, 2009 at 3:33 pm
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Hey ladies! I am so glad you are engaging in this important discussion about Biblical womanhood. Mind if I chime in for a moment?

I happen to be a wife to Jason and mother to Elisha. In addition to that, I work as a freelance writer and next year will go back to teaching part-time. I can't find anything scripturally that says that as a godly woman I can't have a job. What I do find is evidence that my primary purpose is to be a wife, mother, and minister to those in need. That means that Jason and Eli and the needy in my community are my first priority (behind my relationship with Jesus). My work is my second priority. Make sense?

If you can find some verses to the contrary I would love to hear them.

And...let's keep talking.

Erin Davis
fluffernuts54
acceptable
on Tuesday, May 19, 2009 at 6:08 pm
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I dream of being a stay at home mom!It is totally acceptable, and God created it that way! I love kids!
silvermist
erin/bri/lisa
on Wednesday, May 20, 2009 at 1:59 pm
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erin i do agree with you i have another post on this caled my opionion and it says that i think it is ok if it dosent interfeere with you family id think you should send your kid to the babysitter everyday then they are the one raising yor children and you need to be able to take care of your home(clean) and your husband(withc includes cooking him dinner at night not just a micro meal!) any way as long as you can do that (i think) your good!!!
Anonymous
????
on Wednesday, May 20, 2009 at 3:20 pm
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Okay, so is there anything wrong with wanting to have a career? What if you, say wanted to be a nurse. Would there be anything wrong with working as a nurse part time, and raising your kids the other?
Sam
LOOK
on Wednesday, May 20, 2009 at 5:59 pm
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hey ppl, look i'm one of the "evil babysitters" who "raises" the kids for the mom. Look, i'm 17 and graduating from HS next year...so babysitting has been a great part-time job for me the last ummmm 8 months. Every day I go to this lady's house and babysit for like 2 hours...it's not a bad deal, plus her house right down the road from me, so it's VERY convenient. So i know first hand the I am NOOOOTTTTT raising her kids!!! she is very much involved in her kids lives, even though she works a full time job and her kids are in school, they r like 7 and 10. So there is NOTHING wrong with sending you're kids to the babysitter every day. Becuase i happen to be a babysitter and i'm only there for at most 2 hours a day 5 days a week and i only do homework with them and sometimes go swimming if it's hot enough (which it FINALLY is getting hot enough-i'm SOOO sick of the cold, and I live in Texas lol). So i'm not going to sit there and judge this woman for "not raising her kids" because she totally is. Just because she's not there at 3:45 to pick up the kids from up the bus and isn't there to cook and clean all the time doesn't mean she's a bad mother!!!! they just have a different life style. So STOP judging ppl just because they don't live a life like you want - babies, cooking and cleaning. Ppl like that have a fine life!!! and families like that are plenty connected with each other-maybe not every family like that-but even if a mom stays at home all day DOESN'T mean she's going to be involved in her kids lifes!!!

Trust me, my mom has always stayed at home, and she has NEVER cared about any of her kids and never gets involved in our lives...so being a stay at home mom doesn't automatically mean you'll be involved. In fact i would even say moms who aren't home 24/7 have closer relationships with her kids because they aren't sick of being around each other and look forward to when their mom gets home! for me i look forward to when my mom leaves...
monica
Re:
on Wednesday, May 20, 2009 at 11:22 pm
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Hey girls:) You don't need a carreer to support yourself if you're not married. I'm 20 and single( with no guy in sight) and I work full time and live in a basement suite with another girl. I don't have any education besides high school because I don't love school at all. I think If you work hard and do your best, you'll always find work out there (without college education) cuz people are always looking for good workers. I definately want to marry as soon as I find the right guy but right now I am living comfortably on my work money. So there:) Actually, I bet you make more money not going to college. Sure, you're job might not be as high paying but think about all the money you spend on college (unless you're parents pay for it. Mine don't cuz they want me to grow up independant and learn to take care of myself)
Cheers!!!!!!
Erin Davis
Anonymous
on Thursday, May 21, 2009 at 10:42 am
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This is a great question! I am going to address it directly next week on the blog. In the meantime mind if I give you some homework? Check out Proverbs 31:10-31. What does the woman in these passages teach us about women working outside the home?

Erin Davis
Erin Davis
Good discussion, girls!
on Thursday, May 21, 2009 at 10:46 am
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Hey girlies!

I am glad you are so engaged in this discussion. It is starting to get a touch heated, which doesn't surprise me. Even among Christian women, the definition of Biblical womanhood can be highly varied.

I just wanted to give you a preview of next week's topics so that you know I will be directly addressing some of your points. On Tuesday, my friend Kim will be writing about ways to express your femininity beyond shopping and housework. It is good stuff. On Wednesday I will write about the unique reasons women were created and on Thursday I will address the question "does the Bible allow women to work outside the home?"

Keep checking back and keep sharing your thoughts. This is an important discussion!

Erin Davis
Brandi
Thanks Jacquelin!
on Thursday, May 21, 2009 at 11:33 am
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I'll check it out! Thaks alot for the advice!
Lynn
Re: Look
on Thursday, May 21, 2009 at 1:07 pm
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This is for Sam: Merely babysitting after school does not fall into the category of raising someone else's kids. I am sure that you are a good babysitter and follow the house rules and mom's requests for the children you watch.

One word about your own mother. I also had a mother who seemed distant and uninterested in me as I grew up, though she was a stay at home mother. I was really hurt by it and was pretty angry with her most of the time. It was several years later-after I married-that I found out that my mother had been abused by her mother most of her childhood. I became a Christian in college and really desired to be a wonderful mom. But I know I am handicapped because of my upbringing and my Mom's example. When I found out my mother's past, I felt terrible that I blammed her for being an awful mother. Maybe your mother has some emotional scars too. Instead of being mad at her, rejecting her, etc. please pray for her. I have never met a mother who goes out of her way to 'not care about her kids'. Your mother might be doing the best she can. Look for the positive and encourage her. Maybe even have a talk with her and tell you how you feel. Keeping your anger inside does not do any good. I know I would be grateful if my children could give me grace as I try to be a good mother inspite of my upbrining.
silvermist
Sam and others
on Thursday, May 21, 2009 at 2:12 pm
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o.k like i said about 50 times i lthink it is ok to have a career as long as it dosent interfeer with raising your children!! you said that she work while her kids are at shool then as long as she has more time with her kids then the baby sitter(you) then that might be ok depending on the situation idk what this ladys situation is idk if she has a husband if she has to work or whateva but i thnk unless you are put in a situation that you have to work then you probaly shouldent unless it takes 0 hours away from your GOD GIVEN JOB!!! with is to be keepers at home it says that right in the bible look it upu its there!!!
Sam
my future: for God or for me????
on Thursday, May 21, 2009 at 4:13 pm
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monica-u make MORE not going to college??? r u serious? not to be rude or anything but look it up u CAN'T make half the money u would make if u had more than a high school degree....And i don't care how u get a college degree-but in this day in age u NEEEED one!!!! I mean seriously u can be a godly woman and have a career-it's like for Christians the word "career" for ladies is just bad!

Also you can get a bachelors degree fairly inexpensively if u don't want to go to a university-internet classes obviously!!!

I mean i AM going to college because what i don't want to support myself until i get married (which i don't think for me is goign to be ANY time soon) by working a low-end job! I personally love learning, love school (except math), and can't wait to learn how to take on more responsibility by leaving the comforts of my home and living on my own. It's all just so exciting and I don't want to waste my single years (and even the first few years of marriage before the kids arrive) not developing the skills that GOD gave me!!!

I don't care how much you hate school...every one doesn't like some part of it...but it's important that you do it--PAST HIGH SCHOOL!!!!! come on ppl high school is just the beginning, if you really want to use you're unique talents to their fullest - in MOST cases - u WILL need a college degree!

I want to be a writer...a screen writer for movies actually...and TRUST ME i will NOT being able to get into that department without a college degree. See being a screen writer will be an amazing opportunity to be a witness for Christ to some of the most lost ppl in the world!!! now if i was content with working a job as a secretary for some law firm for years and years, until i can get a man to take care of me...then yeah i wouldn't need a college degree....but i'm looking to the future, to those years when i'll be single and on my own, how can I be an effective witness for God? how can I make a difference? And how can I use my abilities to their fullest potential? You're only goal in life may be to get married and have lots and lots of little babies...which isn't bad...but stop dreaming!!! Get working!!!!! Stop wasting these precious and fleeting years!!!!! you will NEVER be single and young and talented like you are RIGHT NOW!!!! Use that!!!! Do something impacting with you're life!!!!

These r the questions i've been asking my self recently, and i know that God is leading me to college, and then to a "career" where i can have a ministry....

Maybe it's just me...i've NEVER been satisfied with second-best. I've ALWAYS wanted to go out their an experience what life has to offer (not the sin but the opportunites). I would be sooo discontent with what Monica has going for her. Monica I'm really not trying to be mean, you sound very happy with you're life, but for me, i don't think i could do that. I'm just always up for a challenge, i'm curious, i'm out going, i'm creative, i'm daring, i love learning new things, and trying things out, and being on my own...not in a bad independent way but in a good independent way if u know what i mean. So i know that i would be SOOO unhappy with not presuring my dreams...and if i fall down along the way, well i've learned valuable lessons to carry me through future difficulties. Don't be afraid of life! Don't be afraid to follow you're dreams and callings! And live to you're fullest potential

Girls stop looking to marriage to solve everything (loneliness, finances, meaning for you're life) because God has set aside these years in a girls life to do something for him...and if all we are concerned about is finding "Mr. Right" then r we really using those years for God? OR-for your selves????? think about it....
Anonymous
Sam and others
on Thursday, May 21, 2009 at 8:31 pm
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ok you said that "settle for second best" sine when has motherhood and being a home maker come second best??
that is verry ofensive to me cause i sooooo do not beleive that is SECOND BEST imean you are not going to be sooo much better then me because you got a flippen carrer come on i mean mabey God called you to be a movie person or whatever but that dosent meen what i want to do is SECOND BEST!!!!! and you can Make money if you dont go to coledge i am so tired of people saying you cant do any thing in this life without coledge well guess wat you soo can!!!

take my brother for exsmple he is 18 and is gong to have enough money by the time he is like 21 to have a nice house which he is going to build himself with the help of people in our church and is going to have a reliable car paid in full and bealbl to live verry comfertably with his wife with plenty of money in the bank and thiss is without a colledge education!! so dont tell me you cant make money out side of coledge cause thats a lie that should be in the lies young women beleive cause it is soo wrong!!!
Sam
Re: Anonymous
on Friday, May 22, 2009 at 12:42 pm
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I knew the second after i posted this that i should have clarified my comment about second best. When i said "settle for second best" there is no way I was referring to marriage and children! I was referring to how one uses the years of singleness-before marriage and children!

Now i ALSO said "in most cases" one will need a college degree. Not in all cases. So you're brother being able to live very comfortablely without a college degree is one of those instances. BUT it's not a lie that getting a college degree will in cress pay IN MOST CASES! Just Google it! it's true! When a potential employer sees that you have a bachelor degree in some area of expertise-he will be much, much, much more willing to hire you then an inexperienced individual who only has a high school diploma(which EVERY one has), thus that inexperienced person will be working a low-paying job (IN MOST CASES!!!!)

Also, anonymous, i'm not better than u if i go to college, were did you get that from? i'm was simply trying to encourage ppl that in stead of being so consumed with being married when you're single, like many young ladies i know, to get out there and do something with your life (that may or may not require a college degree depending on WHAT you want to do!)

For instance MY sister, never when to college, she always wanted to but back then, my parents weren't really into the whole college thing (they r now) so she never did, and she has done amazing things with her life!!!! She recently got married last month in fact, and she's 28! she was never consumed with finding a husband during those years of singleness but was content with doing what God wanted her to do. And she has found the perfect guy for her. And now they are working together at a church in music ministry. Now what my sister wanted to due with her life never really required a college degree...so that really wasn't an issue when it came right down to it...but still to this day, my sister has told me if she could do it over again she would have gone to college (and she's say this WHILE she is marriage to her dream guy).

On the other hand, there is a young lady who lives down the street from me, she goes to my church and i've known her since i was 4. Her entire life, has been consumed with finding a guy. To a point where her dad is finding guys that he works with, that he read about on the internet, or other places, and he's arranging that they meet her. She's only 24, and yet for the past 6 years, ever since she graduated from high school, she has done absolutely NOTHING with her life, and refuses to because it's ungodly for a woman to get a job, and she simply stays at home with her mom, and little sisters cooking, cleaning, and sewing homemade dresses. NOW she is NOT using her life to the fullest-she is settling for second-best. What has she done for God the past 6 years? Nothing. And that is just sad.

So anonymous, in no way is marriage second best nor is a college degree the only way to be successful in life...BUT how r u using these single years? (even these high school single years?). Finding a husband-obsessively? Or doing God's will and trusting Him to bring along the right guy at the right time (in stead of being like that girl down the street...going out there and hunting down Mr. Right)

Sam

PS: Can i ask one thing anonymous...good for you're brother with his house and car and everything...but in these tough economic times, how is he going to find a job? does he already have one? is he self employed? or what? Cause if he isn't then he will have an extremely hard time finding a good paying job without a college degree. And even if he is self employed, that might not last forever these days....so when he goes out to find a job---well i kind feel sorry for him--he probably won't be hired (not to be mean, it just the facts of life.)

Oh and btw the girl i mentioned, she's still not married and she's still at home cooking, cleaning and sewing with no purpose in her life, and Mr. Right is not even on the horizon, because what guy these days wants a girl who has done nothing with there lives and has simply sat at home living off her rich daddy for years and years. And i'm NOT joking about any of this! NOT making it up....And just think about what will happen when she gets married! She's sooo use to the luxurious life style that comes from her dad, because he's like a multi-millionaire, and she's NEVER had to fend for herself, or even buy or her own car, that when she gets married to Mr. Minimum-Wage...she's going to be in for a shock!!! about what real life is like. That why i appreciate my parents, they have NEVER payed for anything of mine (accept food and shelter) and that has taught me to work hard at my job and save my money.

And sorry one more thing and i promise this is the end. Girls how would you feel if the guy you liked, was sitting at home just waiting for Mrs. Right? Sounds pretty silly doesn't it? He's not out there trying to make a living or doing anything with is life. SO how is it any different for girls? Guys are looking for girls who can take care of themselves who have done something for God, and have NOT just sat at home wasting years away waiting and waiting and waiting.......Just think about it that way...through the eyes of you're future husband!!!!!!!
Sam
Re: Anonymous
on Friday, May 22, 2009 at 12:48 pm
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ok anonymous, i just re-read my post up there and i was VERY clear about the whole "second-best" thing!!!!

"Maybe it's just me...i've NEVER been satisfied with second-best. I've ALWAYS wanted to go out their an experience what life has to offer (not the sin but the opportunites)."

Now that's what i wrote right after i talked about what i wanted to do with my single years. SO is it just me...or did you really not read thoroughly? just wondering...i though at first that i was unclear....but NO i was very clear....

Sam

PS: just curious, but how old r u?
anounymus/slivermist
sam
on Friday, May 22, 2009 at 3:45 pm
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ok first of all i am sorry for the misunderstanding when i first read it i got that impression but i just reread it and i did get what you where saying....
and i am the girl silvermist idk why i accidently put anounymus so you should go back and read my other posta!!

any way first i will answer the ? bout my brother he is self imploid right now but he is still deciding what he wants do do he may go to botec school(which is different then colledge) and be a electrition but he is always going to be woking for himself he just hasent decided what yet when i said always i mean like unless if or when he gos to botect school during that time he will work with a master electrition if he desides to do that!!

and about that lady who you said is waisting her life i do agreee whoth you there and if you read my other posts i do think before your married it is deffintitly ok to get a job its not good to sit around and do nothing then after your married you can still work as long as it dose not in any way interfeer with your famliy and your work at home!!

any way i dont think that it is wrong to go to colledge as long as you know for sure that it is for sure not going to interfeer with your family if your planning on having one but i dont see how you could have a major full time carreer and still be home at the times your children are there to take care of them i am probaly not going to coledge i was thinking about being a nurse but i decided against it for several reasons.. 1 was i do not want to wait that long to get marryed and after i have chlidren i want to school them myself (because i beleive thats Gods way but i am not bashing public school i just think that it is better to homschool) so i do not want to waist all those yrs in colledge and not get to use them any way i am almost 15 how old are you???
silvermist
sam
on Friday, May 22, 2009 at 5:05 pm
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ooops sorry i already know your 17!!1
Sam
RE: silvermist
on Saturday, May 23, 2009 at 12:26 am
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hey, i kinda thought u were silvermist-kinda sounded like her. But i think that pretty much we agree on all of this. In fact i would say most of it. And i agree that a career should come second to a family. But for me i'm just simply not planning on getting married for a long time-and wait to have kids until a few years after that. So for me i have plenty of time to go to college and work a career.

Now for you u want to get married sooner than later and a nursing degree does take a LONG time. So if you want to get married soon then yeah forget college. But silvermist..I would really encourage you to become a nurse. Nursing was actually my second choice for my future-but to be honest i HATE needles! and can't stand the sight of blood-i'm not sissy or anything-i just can't handle it lol plus i'm really really bad at science and stuff-more into english, literature and history...

But anywho that really didn't have anything to do with anything :). But being a nurse is such a great great thing!!!! you can literally save lives!!! who wouldn't want to do that-and think of the ministry u could have with ppl who r sick with cancer or who have just lost someone---wow---that would be incredible. I mean think about it this way-you have the rest of you're life to be married and have kids (well pretty much)-so why not be a nurse! I promise you won't regret it! And think about when u and you're husband are empty-nesters...you could go back to work! be a nurse again! I have an aunt who did that-worked as a nurse, got married, then went back to work after her kids left.

And being a nurse will really be a great thing to have when u do have kids! Think of all the money you'll save by not having to take them to the doctor when they r sick! kids r a hand full! and they will get hurt you would be soooo knowledgeable about what to do!!!

I don't know when i was 15ish i thought the same thing---who needs college etc etc..i'll just marry some one rich (i don't know if thats what u r thinking but i know lots of girls who do think that!!!) or i just want to get married when i'm 18...which i think is kinda silly....so i'm 17 and graduating next year and working on getting accepted into a college and everything so-i eventually changed my mind about college about 2ish years ago--so u may still decide to be a nurse (WHICH I HOPE U DO!!!) it's totally up to u...i'm not going to try to talk u out of something that u think u r called to do....it's you're decision....

Sam

PS: and i agree with u homeschooling-i happen to be homeschooled too (although i am going to a Christian school next year for my Senior year) it's really great-now i don't know if i would call it "God's way" because not every parent is called by God to homeschool, but public schools r really messed up soooo yeah i would def say-if u want-homeschool....i personally couldn't i'm really really impatient and a super bad teacher lol but we'll see-i think i'll do a Christian school instead-i don't know... but thanks for the discussion...it's been interesting and a little fun :D
silvermist
sam
on Monday, May 25, 2009 at 3:29 pm
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ok soo i would say we agree on ost things we just have a different set of goals for our lifes!!! i am not planning on marring a rich guy (lol)!!!! although that would be nice!!!(lol) any way i wanted to be a pediactric nurse for kids with cancer but i decided not to (i am still not com[pletly closed to the idea) but i think that God has called me to be a wife and mom!! any way i agree it has deffintily been interesting an fun i love this blog!! welll i wish you luck in your life

loveinchrist silvermist
Sam
Silvermist
on Tuesday, May 26, 2009 at 11:23 am
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That's a good way to put it different goals...but wow a pediatric nurse! that would be so amazing! Well let me know if you change you're mind...because i actually volunteer at a hospital in the cancer wing for kids...and it really just breaks my heart to see them i pray for those precious kids all the time. They go through more than we can imagine. So i really hope you change you're mind. But i'll be praying for you! And you know you can be a wife and mother too! just maybe later on in life like when you're 30 or something-i don't know. Oh and i'm glad that you're not counting on marrying a rich guy lol-one of my friends keeps saying that and i'm like good luck on that lol. ok well I also wish you luck in you're life-what ever that maybe

Sam
Kellie
lies women believe
on Tuesday, May 26, 2009 at 11:54 am
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This is a interesting discussion. I would highly recommend any books by Carolyn Custis James who also has a women's conference you should look into. The Hebrew word for helper is so powerful and I am afraid that women are not being taught what God meant when he used this term. Ezer is the Hebrew word and the only other time it is used in the Bible is in reference to God, who is our ever present Ezer!!. We as women need to understand that God calls us to stand along side men to be their partners in ruling and reigning. Yes, we are created with the ability to have children but not all women all called to have children. It is important to realize that our value and destiny in life is completely separate from getting married and having children.
silvermist
sam
on Wednesday, May 27, 2009 at 9:39 am
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that is soo cool that you work in the hospital!!! i am still not closed off completly to the idea of becoming a nurse but idk, it would be really sad i have thought of that thats one of the first things my dad said when i first mentiond it to him he said he would never want to do it cause your around dieing people all the time and expesically with chidren cancer treatments cause then you get kinda attached to them cause your around them all the time!!!! any way and i dont think i can afford it eather!! but i willkeep it in consideration!!!
loveinchrist
Leah
I sooo relate!!
on Wednesday, May 27, 2009 at 3:55 pm
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I can sooo relate with Rachel. I'm stuck in the same boat. You see..I feel CALLED to be a wife and mother. I go to an Arts and Science Academy here in town and I can quote my CHRISTIAN teacher saying "If you want to be a stay at home wife and mother then go home now and you shouldn't be here." (while saying it in a mocking voice) I go to a school for the gifted and talented. I feel pressure (obviously) to persue a career even if I don't feel if this is my calling in life. It's so frustrating!!!!!
bri
silvermist
on Wednesday, May 27, 2009 at 11:51 pm
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do you think that having children or getting married means you can do nothing else with your life? why can men pursue their dreams after marriage but women have to give way to their husbands and childrens dreams? and wat is so wrong with God wanting you to be a mom and amazing at something else? the creator of this blog is exaclty that
silvermist
bri
on Thursday, May 28, 2009 at 11:45 am
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OMG(gosh) would you paleezz read my other post like i have said 50 times i think it is ok as long as you are at home to take care of your children to!!! (like erin!! If you want a carreer that bad then mabey you should not get marryed untill later in life or do your job around like the same time your children are at school and your husband is at work!! it sounds like to me that you are going to resent your husband when you get marreid just because it is your job to take care of the house and make it a home and his to work!! plz read all of my post... so then you will know my opionion
bri
silvermist
on Saturday, May 30, 2009 at 2:29 pm
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i have read your other posts. i wont resent my husband when i get married. why would i get married if i would? i want to show you an example. my best freind grew up with her mom working and her father staying home. why would this be so bad? God made us unique so what if he has different roles for all of us??
silvermist
bri
on Wednesday, June 3, 2009 at 3:23 pm
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God did not make men to be stay at home dads men and women are created diferently women are built to be at home to rause there children and men to work i dont no about you but i do not want to marry a qweer dat wasnt to stay home and be mother!!!! men cannot take care of chldren like there moms!!! a child need athere mom exsopecially when there small
PS sorry it took me so long to get back to you i was at a conferancwe!!!
Rachel
Re:
on Saturday, June 6, 2009 at 10:43 am
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So, when my mom went off to college, she had a strong desire to be a pastor's wife. So, she went to a Christian college and studied what was called ''Church Ministries''. People would tell her that she was crazy to make all her plans around getting married. I mean, what if she didn't get married? She told me that she would answer them in this way: "You know, what, I may not get married. But God is the one who gave me these desires. Right now, I'm just living in obedience to Him. If He has a different plan for me, He'll show me. '' ''Guess what? My mom DID end up marrying a pastor! :) This June they will celebrate their 22 anniversary. She has five kids (including me), and loves being a wife and mom. It's really all she ever wanted to do. And I'm just like her. My greatest desire is to be a wife and a mom. And it's so awesome to see how God worked in my mom's life when she was at the stage of life where I am now. Do I worry that I won't ever get married or have kids? You'd better belive I do! But when I start to worry, I just have to remember that God is the one who created me with those desires, and He will take care of me. If I don't get married (but I REALLY hope I do) He'll show me what I need to do with my life. He always guides His children!
Revelation3:20
no subject
on Friday, June 12, 2009 at 12:04 am
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I really feel the pressure of our society today. Just like Rachel, I have the desire to be a wife and a mom, it's just pressing, feeling that you're letting everyone down, as if you're not ambitious. I ultimately want God's Will, I just wish there wasn't the pressure to be like everyone else. Just pursuing, Lord Willing, want God has called me to do. I've been mocked by others about my wanting God's Will, and in this we must trust in Him who knows what's best for us (Jeremiah 29:11)
Nessa
I'm confused
on Wednesday, June 17, 2009 at 8:41 pm
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So is it wrong or not to want a job?
Ever since I was in 2nd grade I wanted to be a veternarian. I want to get married and have kids and all but I really want to go to collage and get a job first. Anyway my parents say I can't get married till 25 so I think they want me to get a job and go to collage.
Also, my mom is gone all day because she's an artist, and is at her studio. She says that she's been doing all this stuff for us kids and that she deserves to paint and all because she gave up becoming a docter and finishing collage to get married.
My dad works, he's a docter so even when he's home he still has to call patients and stuff. My brothers watch all 6 of us kids so I usually end up making lunch since I'm the oldest girl.
Oh yeah, one more thing, when my mom does get home she usually hugs us and then goes to take a nap from usually 6-11, past when I go to bed. (She goes to bed really late.) Anyway, my dad is the one who cooks us supper and he cleans the house and stuff then.
What I've been trying to say through all this is that if my mom has a job why can't I. Once I have kids I'll say home with them until they all are in collage.
Is it wrong to have a job?
Nessa
P.S.
on Wednesday, June 17, 2009 at 8:51 pm
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My parents also say that I shouldn't be worried about finding a husband. They don't want me to depend on him. They want me to be an "Independent woman". That I don't have to have a husband to take care of me.
Are they right?
Erin Davis
Nessa
on Thursday, June 18, 2009 at 8:59 am
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Read our other posts on this subject and you will see that our stance is not that it is wrong to have a job. But there are a few things to consider.
1. It is not okay to find your significance in your education and career. You have value because you are created and loved by God. Don't my the lie that the more you accomplish, the more you're worth.

2. Your home is your primary calling. You even admitted in your comment, that working and having six kids leaves your mom too exhausted to interact with you. Have a job and have kids if you want to, but make your husband and kids your priority. If a job keeps you from being a wife and mom well, it's got to go.

3. You're right, you shouldn't depend on the hope of a husband to secure your future. But you should depend on God to direct your path.If he has marriage in His plan for you, accept that as a gift. If he has singleness in His plan for you, accept that as a gift.

Erin
Zelda
mommyhood? career?
on Thursday, July 9, 2009 at 11:20 pm
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The whole "motherhood should be emphasized in our culture" makes sense and yes, it should be a little more emphasized, but the pursuit of a diligent and high profile career should be more emphasized in the Christian world. Where I live is very conservative, very full of devout Christians who are more than stubborn in their conservative beliefs. I have been met with the ugliest looks and snidest comments when I tell my friends of my high career aspirations. I have seen lots of women around here get married quickly and frankly to the wrong person because they didn't go to college because "a woman is supposed to be a helper to her husband", not an out-of-the-house worker. Obtaining a successful career is just as important for some women as is being a wife and mom. One is not better than the other, so I believe they both should be encouraged.
Nessa
Re: Erin
on Tuesday, July 14, 2009 at 11:03 pm
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Thank you for taking the time to write back to me. Sorry it took me so long, I was on vacation.
Even though I want a job and have been planning on it, I also want to have kids. They're gifts from God.
Thanks for answering my questions.
P.S. I love this site :D
JulieSu
Wife and mother
on Friday, July 31, 2009 at 2:55 pm
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I do want to be a wife and mother someday but I also want to have a career. My family tends to have a "you have to get married right away" outlook because my Mom married my Dad when she was eighteen and had her first child at twenty-one. My grandma is a born matchmaker and is constantly saying my sister should get to know this or that guy.
I am planning on going to college. I do not want to get married until after I've graduated from college because I know that if a woman has a baby while in college, most of the time she has to drop out and I want to finish up my degree. (I'm planning on getting a four year degree). I would like to have children and be a wife and mother but I also want to be able to have a career at the same time. Preferably a stay at home job so I can be around my kids.
Tiffany Helmick
I want it!
on Thursday, August 6, 2009 at 1:57 pm
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Before I read Lies Young Women Believe, I always thought I would never want a life with a husband and kids. I always wanted to go out and do what I wanted to do. But when I read this book, my whole perspective changed. I realized it's not about what I want, but what God wants. I see now that's why I'm here. I'm here to be a companion to men and to mother children. I realize now that is why God created the woman in the first place. Now I have a new goal for the future. My new goal is to live out what God put women here for. Mind you all, I've been a christian forever. That's my new goal.
Anonymous User
I don't agree..
on Saturday, August 8, 2009 at 2:34 pm
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Women have the right to choose what we want! I have never heard anyone discourage me from being a wife and mother if that is what i choose. But there is absolutely nothing wrong with having a career. Women need to be able to support themselves AND their children and there is no guarantee that there will always be a man there to provide financially. That means women should have marketable job skills. Not having marketable job skills makes you financially dependent on men or on the government (not where i want to be!).
Anonymous User
in addition to my previous post..
on Saturday, August 8, 2009 at 3:19 pm
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I think you are sending a very dangerous message when you imply (or say straight out) that women's ONLY purpose is to serve men and have babies. That message can give men the idea that they have the GODGIVEN right to expect submission from women. That can lead men to believe they have the GODGIVEN right to dominate over and control women. That is the belief that very often leads to violence and abuse of women. Along with that, you are telling women that they shouldn't have careers. If we don't have careers we are financially dependent on men, which can make it very dificult, if not, impossible to escape an abusive marriage. I think it is terrible that Christian churches (of all things!!!) are sending out that kind of message.
Erin Davis
Anonymous User
on Monday, August 10, 2009 at 1:17 pm
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Whoa there! You are bristling unnecessarily.

No one is saying that a woman's only role is to be a wife and mother and no one is saying that women shouldn't have careers (I am the writer of these posts and have a career that I love!)

And absolutely no one is saying that men have the right to dominate and abuse women. Quite the opposite! The same passages that urge wives to submit to their husbands (Ephesians 5:21-25, Colossians 3:17-19) urge husbands to love their wives as Christ loved the church and instruct husbands not to be harsh with their wives. Now that is a high and holy calling!

I strongly encourage you to read our other posts on gender roles. I think they will give you a clearer picture of our point of view on this topic.

Here are the links:

http://www.liesyoungwomenbelieve.com/index.php?id=262

http://www.liesyoungwomenbelieve.com/index.php?id=259

http://www.liesyoungwomenbelieve.com/index.php?id=260

I'd love to continue this conversation after you've read these posts. I think you will discover we are on the same team!

Erin
Caleigho
Re:
on Wednesday, September 23, 2009 at 1:24 pm
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I've been a Christian since the age of eighteen, and aside from a few dates in high school, and a serious relationship in college, I've been single for over a decade. I've not been asked out on a date, never joined a single's group, and I find the hedonistic culture of hooking up and shacking up to be appalling. I've had several people,especially Christian women friends express pity over my lack of a man, and treat it as if it's an affliction that I'm suffering from. As the years have gone by, I've seen my friends marry, have babies, build their lives, and I feel a vague twinge of sadness, about being single and childless on occasion. I live in a very conservative part of the country, where the Christian radio regularly features commentaries about the woes of this 'decadent, liberal culture,' and then several exhortations that the feminist movement has destroyed this country. I do know that I live a disjointed existance, but it's not because of my lack of a husband and children, it's the constant, maybe unintentional message that I can never be complete as a woman until I have those things...rather than finding who I am in God. Motherhood and marriage are very high callings, and women who embrace them should never be made to feel inferior, guilty, or somehow 'less than' because they're taking care of their loved ones. I admire, support, and respect that choice...for other women. At one point, in my younger years, I was contemplating a possibility of a then imagined future with a Christian man. He had envisioned a happily submissive housewife who would bear him several children, be content to stay at home, and greet him at the door with worshipping awe of his paternalistic grandeur. He had it planned out how many children we would have, how naturally blissful my imagined pregnancies would be, and his bright, beaming offspring surrounding him like some sort of Leave It To Beaver episode. Any doubt, fear, or unease I had about his vision of my future was dismissed as ignorance, to the point that he told me that once we had our children, all those issues would somehow be resolved to my satisfaction. I didn't feel like a beloved equal, I felt like a tool being positioned to his use. He spoke lovingly of his own mother, recalling her cooking, her constant doing of laundry, her loving attendence to his and his father's needs, and then I overheard him yelling at his mother for not folding his clothing right. We had several discussions that decayed into heated fights about my relunctance to have children after marriage. I ended the relationship when I couldn't stand the feeling of being constricted, choked, unheard, and feeling like I was selling myself into domestic slavery and obligation for the rest of my life if I did marry him. It was a liberating choice for me, and one that I have never regretted. I know that my perspective on marriage relationships, and motherhood especially has been warped by that experience. Intellectually, I know that marriage and children are rewarding, that a true family is based on love, trust, faith, and holds the highest value in God's kingdom, as they should. It's not that I don't understand that children are only children for a season, and that there's much more more to being a godly keeper at the home than endless wiping, tending to screaming children, and relentless housework, while questioning myself about 'wasting my life.' I've heard that all those doubts and fears about having children are supposed to somehow dissolve when you hold your baby in your arms and see that smile. I just don't think I want to take that gamble if the dream doesn't work out with the reality.
Stephanie
Future Plans
on Tuesday, October 13, 2009 at 10:34 am
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I think that it's ok to want a husband and children (i want eight) The submission issue is hard for me. I've always been outspoken.I think, though, if a guy is Godly, he will care and be willing to listen to your opinion, and then make the best decision. I am going to take church music at university next year and plan to have a career serving in a local church. If my husband doesn't want me to work, i might have a hard time with that. I do want a family, though. Some people don't and that's OK.
Heather
stephanie
on Monday, October 26, 2009 at 8:48 am
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Hah! I want 8, too!! ^_^
Audrey_11yrs.
Seriously?
on Thursday, November 5, 2009 at 2:57 pm
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Is this for real? I"v Always thought that having a family is the coolest thing on Earth. Isn't that why God gave Adam Eve? So they could increase the population of people honoring Him?
Audrey
Good Bible Verses
on Friday, November 13, 2009 at 6:23 pm
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I was reading my Bible the other night, and didn't know what to read. I just fliped upon these verses:

"Better to live in a desert than witha quarrelsome and ill-tempered wife"
-Proverbs 21:19
This shows how important it is that you marry the right guy.

"Train a child in a way he should go and when he is old he will not turn from it."
-Proverbs 22:6
This shows what you should base train a child on once you've a the right guy.

It's amazing how God will just lead you to the right verses and they will just pop out @ you.
Victoria
Could not resist sharing my thoughts
on Tuesday, November 24, 2009 at 12:39 am
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I can so relate to how this girl feels. All I have wanted to be since I was 15 was a wife and mother (and I am now 17). Many people (even in my church) look at me weird or act like my desires are :"second best" or not normal so I do not tell many people. I know though, that it is from God. I prayed about what God would have me to do with my future almost DAILY for a year and a half before I came to this conclusion.
I live in the most red, or conservative state in the nation. ( John McCain won every county in our state the last election!) Have grown up in a conservative, Christian home and was homeschooled most of the way through.
It may all sound pretty simple, but at 12 years old, my life came crashing down around my feet as my parents divorced and a chain reaction of very painful events took off. I was at the point where I never wanted to be married because I just did not see how it was possible to avoid heartache in such a position. I had it all planned out, I was going to go to veterinary school, live in the country with two of my dear cousins and adopt 6 little girls. (This might be getting off-topic but I laugh now at how I thought I had it all figured out way back then) However, God used some wonderful circumstances over time to restore my attitude about marriage and family. Also, despite my parent's divorce, they both still have very conservative and traditional mindsets and I thank God for that. Even being raised how I was, I never felt pressure to be a stay-at-home mom with no "career.' My parents would support me if I decided to be a lawyer, a doctor or anything else. The choice I came to was strictly between ME and God. He has shown me that it is His desire that I marry a Godly husband, and raise up a Godly family and I would like to have a small family farm to be more self-sustainable. I see now that passions He has given me since I was a small child (i.e. a love for animals) fit into what He had planned for my life. However, I do often feel embarassed telling people this, and sometimes I am tempted to doubt my convictions because our culture makes anyone who believe in and desire the things I do to feel SO inadequate.
I am not saying it is a sin to have a job in the workforce if you are single and that is where God has put you. However, if your job interferes with the raising up of your children (if its causing you to allow the government to raise your children by putting them in public schools) then it is probably just not right. I know sometimes it is unavoidable, but that is rarely the case.
What is my point of this post, you might ask. In short, my point is if a girl feels convicted to be a wife and mother it is a wonderful thing in the site of God to be such! You are not just caring for children, but you are raising up and training members of God's army. How cool is that!

I also want to say that sometimes God does call young women to other things. It could be working in a children's home, starting a ministry for teen girls ;), a teaching career, the list goes on and on. However, if you also feel led towards a family, I highly encourage you to take a look at the things you feel called towards and see if it is from God, or from you. Sometimes both can be compatible (like a ministry or business ran from your home) and sometimes they simply cannot be. If you have children, it is your job to take care of them and nobody elses.
May God bless all of you girls as you seek after Him as I am doing. And to those of you that desire to be wives and mothers, do not let go of that dream as long as you know it is where God wants you!
TrueLoveWaits
What to do with my life?
on Monday, December 21, 2009 at 2:47 pm
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After Eve sinned, she and Adam were told that Adam would work to bear fruit from the ground, and Eve (women) were to bear children ad care for them? Working to care for the family is the mans burden. Who are we as women to take the burden God has given men. I myself am working to be a wedding photographer, and am going to college, but I am doing this only to care for myselfe as I wait for the man God has for me, and then will take on the role as a wife, and let my husband take on the role of caring for me.
Katie
Future...
on Friday, January 1, 2010 at 1:59 pm
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This post was so hard for me to read because I want to become a lawyer when I get out of college SO badly. Its like if I don't I will have failed, I have no idea what I will do with my life. I don't understand why women shouldn't have successful careers, why should we waste the talents given to us by God. Especially if we have more working potential than whoever our future husbands turn out to be.

I don't think that I could get enough contentment out of being a housewife. My parents have brought me up to be independent and to understand that I will get let down by people and that I have to work, work, work to create a future for myself AND my family. I can't just rely on getting married. I love work, obviously, I would much rather be with my friends that revising algebra and other such things(!) but without my school work my life would be so empty.

I really don't want to offend anyone by saying that I want a career, but I am so confused. I don't think that God would deny me a career, but then I want a family too. I understand that I could of been lied to but it goes against everything I have believed all my life.
Lauren
Wow!
on Monday, January 18, 2010 at 2:32 pm
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Wow, I can't believe there are so many out there who feel exactly how I do. My dream is to be a godly wife and mother, but I am conflicted about my higher education(as I am a junior in high school). I have always been an excellent student, the top 3% in my high school. My family, friends, and peers all know my gifting in academics and intelligence, but my desire to pursue marriage (in a feminine way, of course) and motherhood bring me concern and confusion. My parents encourage me to get a degree in case I do not get married, or I need to support my husband. My mom also says that there is always a possibility of my husband leaving me (which I don't like to consider, as I would marry a strong, godly, Christian man.) My parents also believe I have great career potential besides being a wife and mom. My mom has said she think I want to be a wife and mom earlier than normal as an excuse for laziness or because I do not want to use the mijnd God gave me. I believe I can still use the talents and gifts God has given me for His glory through marriage and motherhood. My desire to marry in or right out of college (and to have children right after marriage) also takes into account my future the biological implications of delaying childbearing and raising. Though this astounds some people, I think this what God wants for me. I believe God calls specific people to singleness. I beleeve He gives people the gift of celibacy and the ability to not be attracted to the opposite gender and to not need a life-long companion. I can't wait to embrace the gift of marriage in the near future!
Bethany
Re:
on Monday, January 25, 2010 at 10:38 pm
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In Colossians 2:10 it says that we are complete in Christ. I don't believe that I NEED a husband or children to be fulfilled. I do want a husband and children someday, and I want to live up to God's standards for womanhood(whether the world considers it archaic or not), but if God leads me to do something for him that requires a college degree then I will do it. I really don't think it goes against God's word for women to have jobs or go to college, and I don't think it is bad for us just to want to be wives and mothers either. Both are fine so long as they line up with God's plan for our lives which is not the same for everyone.
Kate
Re:
on Wednesday, March 3, 2010 at 4:10 pm
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I've always, always wanted to get married and have children, as well as to have a career (well, sort of- my career of choice would be as an author, which I suppose could be done from home). I'm a high school senior and I think it's intersting not everyone thiks college/career is nessecary, because everyone at my Christian school and in my family have been putting a lot of pressure on me. I got accepted into a very good school, but I have to admit further education isn't really my priority. Basically I'm praying and trying to figure out if I should pursue it or not, seeing as i admit I'd rather be a wife and motehr over have a college degree (but that's just me). My identical twin, on the other hand, completely wants a career in science/medical fields, and no kids. God may be calling her to a life without a family (though not nessecarily one without a husband) and me to a life as a mother. It's not black-and-white wrong to only be a mom or only have a career- what matters is what God wants for you. If He wants you not to have a career, then having one is wrong. If He wants you to have one, then not pursuing one is wrong. It's different for everybody.
Sara
.....
on Monday, April 26, 2010 at 9:18 pm
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I am not going to listen to the world that I need to pursue a carer. I would like to be a stay at home mom and homeschool my kids. ( like my mom) But then one of my closest friends is like your crazy. She has decided she wants to be a nurse so she can make good money for her family. I want can't wait until we get to this chapter in the book.
Thanks fo posting.

Love,
Sara
Rachelle
Future
on Tuesday, May 25, 2010 at 2:22 pm
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I thought I was the only one who thought that a woman's first priorities should be a wife and mother. All my friends are completely caught up in planning for their careers though only in 8th or 9th grade. I will be graduating in 2013 and planning to go to Crown College the following year for my Music Major. I hope to teach at a Christian school. I don't want to be completely be consumed by looking for a husband, but I would like to finally start looking in college. I would love to get married young(like 20(my senior year of college) and have kids soon after. I want alot of kids like 7 or more, but I will leave it in God's hands.
Marie
I don't get it...
on Thursday, July 8, 2010 at 10:19 pm
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I don't understand! Does God call some women to work specifically outside the home, or does He mean for all women to spend their lives taking care of a husband and children? In the Bible it sounds as if it is wrong for women to get an education and have a career. On the other hand though, there have been studies that suggest that the world would be a better place if women were given more opportunities to work outside the home. For example, I read somewhere that when married women earn income along with their husbands, they are more likely to invest the money back into things that will help the family.

Personally, I'm not too keen on the idea of being a stay-at-home mom (or even having kids at all). I have always wanted to be able to earn income and do things outside of a domestic scope. According to Scripture, is this sinful?
Mackenzie
I agree Rachel!
on Friday, April 15, 2011 at 6:43 pm
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I know what you mean! I always think, "Do I want to get married then go to college? But then, I wouldn't want to be away from my husband. Or do I want to go to college then get married. But then, I don't want to be over 22 when I get married." and I just keep wondering. I would love to be a wife and mother. I would also like to go to music school and start a group. I really enjoy singing. (if it was God's will for my life.) But whatever the Lord wants me to do, I will do it because I will always be most happy if I stay in His will.
Anyway, I hear ya, girl!
Mackenzie
Hey Rachelle
on Friday, April 15, 2011 at 6:49 pm
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I would like to get married young too! My best friend's older sister, got married this past July (we went to the wedding) and she started courting at like 19 and got married at 20. I think that is so perfect! But everyone's life story is different. It depends on God's will for me, but I would not really want to get married past 22. I would also like to have 7 or 8 or 10 children. My best friend ( the one who's sister got married) has 10 siblings and she wants to have 30 children! I am not sure if that is even possible. Maybe it is...
I just want to do whatever the Lord has in store for me.
Mackenzie
To Lauren
on Friday, April 15, 2011 at 7:01 pm
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Lauren, I know, I can not wait to get married! It is so wonderful when you court, get married, and do everything God's way. That will cause a wonderful, God-blessed marriage! I have started writing letters to my future husband, writing down characteristics that I would look for in a husband and everything. And to think that God is already preparing my future spouse for me! So, my job right now, is too work on my character and build my relationship with Christ, so that I can have someone who is perfect for me. When I keep thriving after God, and stay on the right path, HE will have the perfect man for me and say "Here is my perfect spouse for you." How exciting!!!!!
Corinne
!!
on Friday, June 24, 2011 at 7:43 pm
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I dont understand why these days, girls dont want to be a wife and mom! I mean, i just can't wait to get married, and im just 14!
Anonymous
Re:
on Tuesday, March 27, 2012 at 4:04 pm
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i'm like rachel, except 3 years ago i watched as my parents got a divorce and it affected everything that happens to this day, I remembering thinking to myself "I NEVER want to hurt my children like this." So idk i think it is good to get a degree because life-including marriages can be so uncertain. This year would have been my parent's 21st anniversary but I've seen my mom cling so tightley to God through the divorce. I think it's good to desire to be a mom and wife but you just never know, life is just that uncertain..
Lorree, with the LYWB team
Anonymous
on Wednesday, March 28, 2012 at 1:44 pm
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My sweet friend, I’m so sorry for the pain you have gone through because of your parent’s divorce. Life is definitely uncertain. We don’t know what God will have in any of our futures. Having a degree is not necessarily wrong. I encourage you to consider degrees that will benefit your life as a wife and mom, should God have that in your future! Praying for you, sweet friend!
K
Insecure
on Friday, June 8, 2012 at 6:09 pm
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I think one of my motives for getting a job is so that I'm not taken advantage of in marriage. Don't get me wrong, I have many positive reasons for why I'd like a career but sometimes my motives for getting a career are based on insecurities.
How do I get over these feelings??
K
Forgot
on Friday, June 8, 2012 at 6:35 pm
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I also forget to add that I would definitely love to be a wife and a mother but I'm not sure that's all I could be.
Sarah, with the LYWB team
@K...
on Saturday, June 9, 2012 at 11:09 pm
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As you seek out a young man to marry and pray about that relationship, you will want to find someone that you can put your trust in. It would not be a relationship ready for marriage if there is not a strong sense of trust.

1 Corinthians 13:4-7 speaks of a love that would be trusting of one another and seek each other's good. So, to get over the feelings that you want a career because you don't want to be taken advantage of, make a commitment now that you will wait for marriage until you find a relationship that exemplifies the love found in the Scriptures. Then you don't have to worry about being taken advantage of. Ask God to guide you as you make decisions for your future--seeking Him to bring fulfillment in your life. (See Psalm 37:4)
K
Thanks
on Sunday, June 10, 2012 at 2:36 am
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Thankyou
Reese
Re:
on Sunday, August 12, 2012 at 6:33 am
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I almost cried, just now, listening to Rachel talk on the video... I'm pretty much in the exact same situation except, three years later and, my parents are very much against that way of thinking.

"Of course you need a career. You need to have a way of supporting yourself. Even if you did get married, no family can survive anymore without both parents working!"

...And as for other people that I've told, one friend blurted out in class one day "WHAT?? WHY WOULD YOU WANT TO DO THAT FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE?? (makes obscene comparison)

...It's embarrassing to want to be a wife and stay-at-home mom anymore. It's frowned upon, despised and words (as well as thoughts and meanings) are easily twisted.

In our culture, so many people have this view..:"In a part of the world where men and women have equal rights, why would you want to waste your life as a homemaker? Why not do something important? Why not, actually, make something of yourself?..When so many women have no freedom, why would you want to waste your life frittering yours away?"

I've almost always felt as though I were a bit alone on this, so it is such a welcome breath of fresh air to listen to this and read some of these comments.. In less than a month i will be in university and, for now, I will be studying to become a nurse.

If anyone still reads this, please pray that God would firmly direct, and clear, my paths, that I might know the direction he is leading me in, and that he would give me the courage and patience to place my trust in Him, along with His timing.

Thanks so much,
and God bless,

Reese
Lorree, with the LYWB team
Reese
on Tuesday, August 14, 2012 at 6:46 pm
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I am so thankful to know that the Lord encouraged your heart through this blog video! You are right, my friend! The world’s view of a stay at home mom is not very good and that had infiltrated the church, as well. But God has higher plans for moms. What a mission field a mom has – the opportunity to encourage and support her husband as well as shape the lives of her children for the Lord.

There isn’t anything wrong with pursuing an education either, as you wait God’s timing for a husband. The field of education you have chosen is one that can be used as a job or as a mom, so you are doing well as you consider a profession. I have prayed for you, Reese, and have asked the Lord to keep you close to His heart and to faithfully guide you in the way you should go as you seek to be a woman after His heart!