Comments

HEY, GIRLS! We love hearing from you, but feel limited in the ways we can help. For one thing, we’re not trained counselors. If you’re seeking counsel, we encourage you to talk to your pastor or a godly woman in your life as they’ll know more details and can provide you with ongoing accountability and help. Also, the following comments do not necessarily reflect the views of Revive Our Hearts. We reserve the right to remove comments which might be unhelpful, unsuitable, or inappropriate.

Heather S.
Re:
on Tuesday, June 26, 2012 at 1:46 am
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Because of my relationship with my dad, I used to think that God was harsh, judgmental, mean-spirited, and unforgiving b/c that's what my dad is like. It took a long time for my pastors to convince me that God is loving, gracious, and joyful. And it took just as long for me to understand what grace meant, because there is no grace with my dad. As I'm maturing, I can identify that I sometimes see God through the lens of my father. If anyone else has this problem, I have a way that I make that distinction even clearer to myself that you can try too- I call God "Father" and my dad just "dad", even in my mind. I never call one by the other's name. That makes a clear separation in my head that my dad is my dad, and God is my real Father. And no offense to my earthly "dad" or anything, but he gets the lesser title =X "Father" belongs to God<33
Chey
Fathers
on Tuesday, June 26, 2012 at 7:27 am
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My Dad and I actually have a really good relationship. Lately though, we have been struggling a little bit. He has a high pressure job and I can be a little disagreeable. I've been praying over the situation more lately and I'm finding that it is really hard to view someone in the wrong light if your praying for them. When I pray for someone develope this spiritual bond with them through God and it makes my relationship easier.

Thank for a great post that got me looking at the way God is helping me! :)
Brittany
Father
on Tuesday, June 26, 2012 at 1:19 pm
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I never had a good father figure in my life, and most likely I never will due to him being so selfish. I use to think, and at times, God is never here for me, why do I have father like I do? I may not understand it, and we won't understand everything, but that's just how it is. I trust in God. My dad has an addiction and drinks every day. My dad had fallen out of a tree and broke his neck, but isn't paralyzed or anything. He's so lucky and I don't know why God has let him live the way he does? But, I'm just glad that I had God as my real father and in heaven we will meet. Thanks for the post!
Ache
Forgiveness
on Tuesday, June 26, 2012 at 3:30 pm
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I have to admit, there are many times my father's and my relationship have been severely hindered. I suppose in a way I've worried that the same reaction that happened with my dad was how God would react.
Watching an I AM SECOND video as well as a testimony at my church taught me something of significance. God is my Father, there's peace and mercy with Him. I must admit, it's hard at times to see God as not having the same attitude as my dad, but it reveals something greater. I need to forgive my dad. I have to know that God isn't like my dad, and that I need to let go of my anger, or else I can't move on and my relationship with my Heavenly Father is hindered. I love my dad dearly, but it's also a relief to know that I can rest in God's arms securely.
tilwehavefaces
Re:
on Friday, June 29, 2012 at 6:08 pm
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This really, really, really struck home with me. It's hard for me to view God as my Father because then I feel like I have to walk on eggshells around him, I have to never annoy him, or bother him because than he might become angry or dissapointed in me, he might take away his favor, or retaliate. And I have to realize that God is not my earthly Dad, he's so much better.

But this also challenged me, because I have trouble praying for my Dad, I have trouble viewing him with grace and love and forgiveness. I sometimes feel hurt, because I feel that's how HE should view ME, I didn't want to be the adult, I wanted to be the daughter. And I need to view him through my heavenly father instead of vise versa.
Christina
Earthly Father Compared to Heavenly Father
on Friday, June 29, 2012 at 7:06 pm
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There is no way that my dad even comes close to God. My dad isn't some superhero, and he makes mistakes. He's human, we all make mistakes. I just got back from going to a week of camp and during this week of camp i got rid of the bitterness i had towards my dad. There still isn't a relationship, but i have forgiven him. My dad is nowhere close to perfect, but no one is. We all make mistakes, it just means i have to pray for him. God is perfect. He will never lead us to harm, and He will never let us down. There is definetly no comparison as to my earthly father and Heavenly father. God always comes first.
Emily B
Father or just a man?
on Monday, July 2, 2012 at 9:32 pm
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I have been having trouble with my dad. My real dad. He and my mom divorced almost 7 years coming September on my birthday. EVer since then he hasnt called or have anything to do with me or my silbings. I have put my life on hold for almost 4 years. Im tired of waiting. I walked away from God bc i wanted my dad. But just almost a year ago, I gave God almost everything except my dad. I want to give him to God but i cant. I dont know how to. I fight with myself everytime im at the alter. I pray for help and im just waiting. I feel like ive been waiting forever. But i know that God is making a plan for me to give him up.
Lorree, with the LYWB team
Emily B
on Tuesday, July 3, 2012 at 4:29 pm
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Oh, Emily! I am so sorry to hear of the pain you carry because of your father’s choices. I do encourage you to follow the Lord’s leading and surrender your Dad to God. Keep praying for him, too. That is a wonderful way to minister to him and invest in his life even though he is not responding to you. Nothing is impossible with God (Jer. 32:17), so don’t give up hope. But at the same time, don’t cling to that hope and be demanding of the Lord that he bring your dad back into your life.

God is in control and whether we see it or understand it, He has our best interests at the center of His heart. He can use the most tragic situations in our lives to bring us good (Gen. 50:20). I encourage you to hold your dad in an open hand and give him, surrender him, to the Lord to do what it takes to bring Him back to the Lord. Giving him to the Lord doesn’t mean that he won’t ever contact you. It simply surrenders him into the hands of the God who can work in his heart and change him from the inside out.

I know this is hard for you, Emily! Please know I am praying for you as you choose to surrender this to the Lord.
Kara
lots of struggles..
on Sunday, July 15, 2012 at 3:07 am
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While growing up, I never really felt loved by my dad. When he would get home from work he would turn on the tv and just sit in the living room for the rest of the night watching it. I would ask him to spend time with me and he wouldn't. He hardly ever told me he loved me or was proud of me. As I got older he expected perfection from me when I did my chores. If I didn't clean the kitchen the way he wanted it clean I would have to do it all over again. And he would give extreme punishments for small things. One time I couldn't go on a youth group retreat because I didn't clean the house the way he wanted it cleaned. Yet I continued to follow every rule, and try to do things the way he wanted them done because I wanted to hear him say that he loved me and was proud of me. And every time I was disappointed.

I moved out of my parents house in January because of the differences my dad and I were having, we wouldn't get along. And now because of me moving out he is doing another extreme punishment that is preventing me from being able to go to college this fall and he will not talk to me. My mom says the door is always open for me so I do go and visit but when I do I don't stay more than 15 minutes because of the tension with my dad.

I have been trying to forgive my dad for the way he treated me while I grew up but its hard. I blame him for a lot of the personal problems I have now. I used to think that God was just like my dad but over Spring Break this year at a conference I saw the error and lies in that belief. Now, I see God as Father. But I am longing for a good relationship with my dad and don't know how to go about that. I still love him but every time I hear a story or song about dads, my heart hurts and I begin to cry. Any advice as to how I could go about getting a better relationship with my dad?
Lorree, with the LYWB team
Kara
on Tuesday, July 17, 2012 at 9:24 pm
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Oh, Kara, I am so glad that you have seen the Truth of who God is as your Heavenly Father! He loves you so very much and has your best interest at the center of His heart. He will never fail you and you can never be separated from His love for you (Rom. 8:37-38).

I wish I could tell you why some dads respond to their kids the way they do. Sometimes they have been hurt in their own past and don’t really know how to demonstrate love to their kids. Perhaps that is the case for your dad. Regardless of why he has done the things he has done, God tells us to not hold grudges and to forgive others in the same way that He has forgiven us (Eph. 4:31-32). Forgiving others doesn’t mean that what they have done is right. It simply releases them into the hands of our almighty, just and merciful God for judgment. He is the only One who has the right to judge as He is the only One who can see hearts and can judge justly. So I encourage you to forgive your dad over and over again until you feel the freedom that comes from forgiveness. By doing that you are being obedient to God.

Men usually don’t respond well to emotions. Would it be possible for you to write your dad a letter expressing your feelings, telling him of your love for him and your desire to work with him on improving your relationship with him? Then perhaps, after he has time to process your letter, you could meet together, bring your mom along if you want, and discuss what you can do to work things out with each other.

Please cover this in prayer, Kara, as God knows the best way to handle this in a way that brings honor and glory to Him. Spend time in His Word as you seek what He wants you to do, and I am confident that He will help you through this. Praying for you, Kara!