Not What I Was Expecting, Part 2
From the LYWB.com team: Yesterday, Ashley Mazelin shared her story about the unexpected ways God has worked in the area of her love life. If you missed that post, go back and read it here. We pick up her story after John shared his feelings for her and asked for permission to pursue her. Here's the rest of the story...
I was utterly shocked. I hadn't seen it coming. I spent the next several days talking to people that I respected, asking for advice, as well as praying about it. My friend Katie prayed with me, asking God that whomever I wasn't supposed to be with would tell me that. After one week, I decided that I needed to continue dating Devin and see where things were going to go. I felt that was what God wanted me to do. In a way, I also felt that John deserved someone better than me—someone more refined, more ladylike, someone prettier, and better suited to serve with him in ministry.
That Thursday as I got in my car to go meet John and give him the hard news, my car refused to start. I started walking, which made me about fifteen minutes late. I told him that I respected him and was honored that he would want to pursue me, but I needed to see where things were going to go with Devin.
But for some reason, things with Devin died down after that. We never talked. When we did, it was awkward. I wasn't sure if I even liked him anymore, and I wasn't sure if he liked me either. I started to realize that he wasn't what God wanted for me, but was confused because I had been so confident that I was supposed to say no to John. I decided to just keep praying.
Right before spring break, Devin asked me to go on a walk. I assumed he was pursuing me again and was excited that he actually wanted to talk. But as we walked, he began pouring out his heart. "I was wrong about how I felt about you. I am not attracted to you, and I realize that this isn't meant to be. I am so sorry," he said. While my heart dropped, I instantly thought of Katie's prayer—this was God's hand in my life. Though I knew that, I still shed some tears. Then I realized God was still in control and had something better in mind. I also recognized that rejection from Devin didn't mean I wasn't good enough or pretty enough as I had once believed. My value was no longer found in what boys said about me, but what God already knew about me. He knew what I really needed, and I trusted Him to give me that—even if it wasn't what I thought I needed.
After spring break, I began running into John everywhere. I saw him in the bookstore, coffee shop, dining hall, and on the sidewalk. We began talking more, and I realized that I really did want to get to know him better. But I was afraid of making him feel like he was my backup plan. So I didn't do anything. I didn't seek him out. I didn't try to conjure up some plan to make us hang out. I just kept praying.
One day I had lunch with a mutual friend of ours. I poured out feelings, which she passed on to John.
So the next day John and I met for coffee ... and the rest is history.
Now we have been dating for several months, and it is so obvious to me that God was the one who brought us together and not me. The greatest thing that I learned was when in doubt, pray. It works. God knows what we need and would love to give it to us if we ask. This doesn't mean, however, that He is a genie in a bottle who will give you everything you ask for. He might just give you something that better aligns with His goal of making you who He created you to be. It might mean making you be single until you discover where your value is really found. It might mean taking you down a path of rejection until you find your acceptance in Him. Whatever it means, He is doing something great.
Is it hard for you to trust God with your love life? Are you worried He might do something unexpected, that you can't plan for? Take it from someone who's been there—if it's from God, getting what you least expect is better than you could hope for.