When The Pain Won't Go Away

posted by Erin Davis on 07/30/12 | Twitter: @ErinGraffiti
Category: Myself; ; 33 comments

My head hurt. In fact, my head really, really hurt every single day for more than a year. pain

I've always had headaches off and on, but about a year and a half ago, one decided to move in full-time at the base of my skull. Day after day, week after week, month after month I would wake up hoping that the moon had disappeared with the daylight and taken my chronic pain with it. But my head still hurt.

Chronic pain can be a real mind bender. When it seems like relief is impossible, feelings of despair, frustration, and even depression like to show up and taunt. I know that most of the readers of this site are young and healthy. Time is still being friendly to your body, and chronic pain may not impact your life at all.

Others of you do know what it's like to deal with something that is unpleasant and constant. Maybe, like me, you deal with chronic headaches. Maybe it's chronic depression. Maybe chronic anxiety, or stress, or fear, or insecurity. It doesn't have to be physical; if you have pain that hits you day after day after day, your faith can begin to feel pretty beat up.

Or ... that very same pain can be the water God uses to grow your faith into full bloom.

Every day I would pray for relief from my headaches, but it didn't come. It might have been tempting to think that God didn't hear me when I prayed, but that's not what God's Word says.

And this is the confidence that we have toward him, that if we ask anything according to his will he hears us. And if we know that he hears us in whatever we ask, we know that we have the requests that we have asked of him (1 John 5:14–15, emphasis added).

"If anyone is a worshiper of God and does his will, God listens to him" (John 9:31, emphasis added).

The Bible is clear that God heard me when I asked for relief. He hears you, too.

I eventually went to the doctor to ask about my headaches. I expected her to blow it off. Instead she told me it was likely one of three things: 1) a brain tumor; 2) a brain aneurysm; or 3) hemmoraging in my brain. I had really hoped for a fourth option ... something like I just needed a new pillow, but she said she thought it was serious. My head really hurt then!

You know what else started to really ache? My knees! I about wore them out praying while waiting for test results. I would wake up in the middle of the night and pray. I would rise up early in the morning and pray. When I was tempted to freak out, I worked hard at becoming all prayed out instead. I searched God's Word with new fervor, looking for hope that God could heal, protect, and provide for me even if my body had betrayed me.

It reminds me of a story I've been reading in Judges. In Judges 6 an angel appears to Gideon while he's hiding out from Israel's enemies, the Midianites. The angel is about to give Gideon some serious marching orders, and Gideon's first response is this:

"Please sir, if the LORD is with us, why then has all this happened to us?" (Judg. 6:13).

Gideon assumed that since he and his nation faced challenges that God had left his post. He was wrong, of course. God was on the very brink of answering Gideon's prayers and delivering him from his enemy.

If you face chronic troubles in your life (newsflash we all do!), you basically have two choices. You can wonder where God is. You can become angry with Him or distant from Him because He hasn't delivered relief on your timetable. Or you can let your daily troubles push you toward Him while you trust His help is on the way.

What happened to Gideon? Oh...he just led the army of Israel to defeat the Midianites, ushering in forty years of peace for himself and his people. God didn't just give Gideon a little relief from his oppressors, He gave him a lifetime of peace.

What happened to my headaches? As it turns out my chronic pain was actually caused by some inflamed nerves that were woven into the muscles of my brain. A few weeks of taking an anti-inflammatory and I was back to normal. I now have what I call a boomerang headache; it goes away from time to time but always loops back. Honestly, I wouldn't trade it in for a lifetime of headache-free days. Every time my skull starts to throb, I press closer into Jesus through prayer and Bible study. If an aching head is what it takes to make me seek Him, it is worth it. I find Him willing to extend love and grace every single time.

What about you?

What is causing you daily pain? Is there something in your life that you deal with day after day without relief?

Look hard at that pain, and imagine it as a fork in the road. You could choose path one and be like Gideon, asking, "If you are really with me God, why is this happening?" Or you could trust His promise to hear you and keep seeking Him. Either way, there are likely battles to fight and pain to bear. But if you let your chronic pain move you toward—rather than away—from God, you'll likely find that help is already on the way.

Comments

HEY, GIRLS! We love hearing from you, but feel limited in the ways we can help. For one thing, we’re not trained counselors. If you’re seeking counsel, we encourage you to talk to your pastor or a godly woman in your life as they’ll know more details and can provide you with ongoing accountability and help. Also, the following comments do not necessarily reflect the views of Revive Our Hearts. We reserve the right to remove comments which might be unhelpful, unsuitable, or inappropriate.

    Tabby
    Thank you so much!
    on Monday, July 30, 2012 at 1:26 am
    This is the most perfectly timed post you've every done. Today, the thing that's bothering me most became about a million times worse. I'm not exaggerating. Thank you so much! Please keep me in your prayers.
    Emily
    Thanks
    on Monday, July 30, 2012 at 1:40 am
    Wow, thankyou so much. I really, really, really needed this! That helped me so much, and was perfect timing. Thankyou.
    Anna
    great post!
    on Monday, July 30, 2012 at 2:13 am
    I don't deal with anything chronic, but I have experienced severe depression. It isn't really something you can explain. The closest thing to it though is, it feels like anyone you have ever loved, has died and left you alone, left you to face everything alone. I literally felt like my heart was cut out of my bleeding chest, and was gone. I felt like I wasn't alive, like I was dead inside. And what I experienced I am pretty sure was spiritual warfare. I had demons visit me many times a day, to haunt me when I was awake, and when I slept. I dealt with this for around 8 months or so, after a major move my family had gone through. I literally had no hope in anything, in anyone. But a voice in the back of my soul kept silently whispering to my heart, "What is the only thing I hope in?" and the voice would answer itself "Jesus". I knew it was The Lord. It was the only thing that I held on to, with my weak, shaking hands. I didn't understand why, why would God put me through this? If He loved me, why would this happen? How could he let this happen? I doubted God's love for me. Now, understand this; I had always doubted God. I was a doubter. I called myself doubting thomas. I was always doubting some aspect of God, and who He said He was.
    I was at my church, after a service and the pastor said for anyone who doubted God's love for them to stand up so they could be prayed for. To be someone that was really involved in my church, and a lot of people knew my family, and I was very embarrassed. I didn't want people to know that I doubted God, or His love for me. But I knew the only way I could be healed was if I let others pray for me, and that then God would start to heal me. So they did. They prayed, and God healed me with in a couple months.
    During my suffering, I didin't see God's plan. I didn't see what He was using that for. Through that experience, I learned that God does love me. I felt as if I was in the pit of Hell, and He NEVER left my side. I don't doubt His love for me. I know I can go through anything, because He is on my side.
    I have also been given a great compassion for the suffering now. I understand what people go through. I understand now why people end their own life. I understand the hurt, and the pain. But God is here. He loves you. He will never leave your side. And I will never forget that. If I hadn't gone through that, I wouldn't be who I am today. I know, it sounds so cliche, but it is true =). Now I can better help others, and God always has a bigger plan, and the bigger picture. Don't lose faith, or hope. And when you feel like you have none left, pray! Pray for faith and hope. He freely gives it!
    Anna
    whoa!
    on Monday, July 30, 2012 at 2:15 am
    I made such a long post... didin't look that big in the enter box thingy! lol sorry
    Jazz
    Thank you Erin xx
    on Monday, July 30, 2012 at 2:50 am
    Thank you for this.

    I literally just came out of my bathroom from cutting up my arm and leg. I've been pacing around my room and crying because I feel so much emotional pain.

    Today (like LITERALLY 4 hours ago) my sister was operated on for chronic abdominal pain. She's been in bed for over a month not able to move. Missing out on so much school. We don't really know what's wrong but she's had to deal with 7 years of excruciating pain, like my mum and aunty.

    A few months ago I was hospitalised for attempted suicide.

    All this has caused so much pain, both physically, spiritually, mentally in our family. My dad is a pastor and we're all very close but today I felt so very alone while I waited for the doctors to tell us if my little sis (she's 17. I'm 19) was okay.

    I needed this today. I'll show this post to my sister while she rests.

    Thank you for bringing some hope to my heart.
    Chey
    Of Course!
    on Monday, July 30, 2012 at 7:56 am
    Isn't amazing how God's plans are never thwarted no matter how the enemy intervenes? He works everything out for His glory and our good. That's why when we go through troubles it is good to remind ourselves that as Christians our best days are always ahead of us and nothing is out of God's control.
    Thank you so much for this encouraging post.
    Brittany Lee
    Re:
    on Monday, July 30, 2012 at 8:03 am
    Perfect timing! Great reminder to press in. I have a very extreme case of TMJ and my jaw has been locked since last August. The doctors have been working to get this out and joints seated right for almost 8 months and nothing is working so far even though my range of motion increased. Eating hurts and there are a lot of days I live on instant breakfast or soft foods. I can't handle an AC or cold temperatures because it makes the pain in the TMJ joint unbearable and added to that I'll get spasms in my jaw. It's been really bad lately. Chronic pain isn't new to me. I feel like one thing gets fixed and another comes out of tune right after.

    Stil calling on the blood of Jesus that makes me whole.

    Thanks for the reminder to press in!

    Bless!
    Marissa
    I understand!!!
    on Monday, July 30, 2012 at 8:44 am
    I have been in what feels like constant emotional pain for the past four years or so. There are a lot of days when I don't even want to get out of bed, but I know I have hope in Jesus and that is the only thing that has kept me going. Here is my question- what do you do when your parents are the source of your pain? My parents have done some things parents should never do to their kids, and I have a hard time treating them respectfully because of it. I have been going to a Chrisitan counselor for a while now to help work through the pain and the anger, but I don't know what to do anymore. My parents are Chrisitians, but I don't feel like they are honoring God with their actions and it is causing a ton of stress, and emotional pain in my house. Any advice?
    RachelAllison
    That's me!
    on Monday, July 30, 2012 at 9:11 am
    After a year and a half of chronic illness, I can relate to this so much. Thank you for sharing, Erin, and for allowing God to teach you through your difficulties!
    Rachel
    Thanks
    on Monday, July 30, 2012 at 9:54 am
    Thanks for this. I have been recently dealing with some tricky stuff and have finally turned to God and Jesus to get me through. I never realized the power of prayer and of the bible before. Your post makes me remember to keep going in my journey towards gaining faith.
    Linda
    so true
    on Monday, July 30, 2012 at 10:04 am
    I have dealt with chronic pain in the past and present. I had debilitating migraine headaches until I had surgery for my TMJ, I have severe arthritis in my knees right now and have difficulty walking. I have had the emotional pain of an empty nest. I understand the feeling of feeling like your heart has been torn out of your chest. I have struggled with it all and within the last year have started memorizing scripture. When I have a struggle with feeling down or discouraged, or Satan whispers how useless I am, I start quoting scripture to myself. It was a blessing and encouragement to read your blog this morning on how scripture has helped you cope with your physical pain. I will remember to thank the Lord for my physical pain as it reminds me to lean on Him.
    Marie Sumo
    Awesome
    on Monday, July 30, 2012 at 10:13 am
    Woow thank you for this post. My chronic pain is finding a job. Im about to start to second year of seclar college,living with relativies but have no job. They were all nice from the beginning when i moved in,but since im not bringing in any income they are always talking about it and it's making me incomfortable,but i have nowhere to go. Everyday i used to feel like Gideon asking why God is not helping me find a job,and a place to stay. But this post reminded me of being patience and seek Him more during this time. Im asking for you all to please keep me in your daily prayers.
    Brittany
    Re:
    on Monday, July 30, 2012 at 11:42 am
    Thanks for the post, and you're so brave! I needed this also. This is my third time having a staph infection on my face and I'm trying hard not to get upset and haven't giving up yet.
    Mattea
    Re:
    on Monday, July 30, 2012 at 11:58 am
    I have chronic spiritual and emotional pain that I am praying about getting rid of...IT'S TERRIBLE!!!
    Beka
    Thanks so much for this!!!
    on Monday, July 30, 2012 at 1:42 pm
    It seems like this post couldn't have come at a better time. while I have not had to face chronic illness, there's something that I've been struggling with on and off (mostly on) over the past couple of years. I know well the feeling of pain in my heart, and just last night was questioning God once again, "Will it ever go away? Will I ever be free from this?" Thank you for reminding me, that if I seek God in this, I can have hope of His help.

    In the past couple of days, I have been holding onto the verse "The Lord thy God in the midst of thee is mighty; HE WILL SAVE...." (Zeph. 3:17) Thank God for hope in His faithfulness!!

    Praying for you all....=)
    Rach D. <3
    I know how you feel
    on Monday, July 30, 2012 at 2:11 pm
    Anna- dear sister, I know how you feel! Almost a year ago, I became depressed to the point of suicide. I felt that I had blasphemed God, and that He had left me to face my debilitating anxiety alone. My aunt had died ealier that year (2011) of ovarian cancer, and she was only 33 yrs. I can completely identify the feeling of having your heart ripped out of you. My feeling was a little different, but not much. My anxiety was so bad, I felt like I was in a cage, locked and without a key. I felt like I was suffocating. I thought that the only way out was suicide, which I attempted. By the grace of God, I had wonderful parents and compassionate pastors to walk me through that dark season, and I am doing much better now. Just know this: Our feelings are deceptive, and although we feel like He has left us, He hasn't; He's standing right next to us, and is showing us the way out! Keep waiting and praying, dearest. I will pray for you and every other person who has commented on this post.

    Erin- Thank you so much!! I used to have migraine headaches too, but not as badly has some other people, for which I am very thankful :D I'm glad you were able to have a diagnosis!
    cece
    @Anna
    on Monday, July 30, 2012 at 3:35 pm
    That is exactly what I've been going through for the past months! It has gotten better though! My relationship with God has gotten so much closer! But every once in a while I'll get really depressed. Anyways I learned alot through this that maybe it's to help someone else who is very lonely or is depressed. Hopefully I'll be able comfort someone else. Thanks so much for sharing your story! Very encouraging!
    Yen Serenity
    Re: Jazz
    on Monday, July 30, 2012 at 4:01 pm
    Oh, Jazz! My heart breaks for your sister and for you and I am praying for you both right now.
    I know what it's like to love someone and hate their pain so much that you wish you could take their pain; that you try to. I did. I went through guilt and depression as my best friend went through first a brain tumor and surgery, then just when she was recovering, a car accident that left her bedridden and in extreme, chronic pain for 6 whole months. Even after she went to a doctor who was successful in numbing the pain, I felt I couldn't trust God.

    But there is light in the end. I have to tell you because I see it now. Even though it seems crazy to believe it when things are the worst, God can do the impossible, and He does!
    It's been 4 years, but my best friend is re-learning how to bike this summer. She's even going to college. She has her whole future ahead of her. And her faith in God is the strongest of anyone I've ever known-- when I sort of lost mine for a while, hers was getting stronger. She knew what I didn't: God never left her alone.

    Jazz, God is holding your little sister in His hands. He cares about her more than anyone can imagine, and He cares about you. He's not going to leave either of you. He is with you.
    Mary
    Re:
    on Monday, July 30, 2012 at 4:09 pm
    i struggle with depression. alot of the time it's cuz i think i'm ugly even though people say i'm not i think i am. plus my family doesn't get along so i get pretty depressed. my brother hurts me and says i'm "not pretty but not ugly" or he'll physically hurt me. if you guys could pray for me, that would be great.
    Mel
    Re:
    on Monday, July 30, 2012 at 8:53 pm
    This may be off topic a little, but chronic headaches can be caused by food allergies to tomatoes and potatoes. It sounds weird, but it's true.
    Jamie T.
    I have a freakish disorder...
    on Monday, July 30, 2012 at 10:08 pm
    I have dermatillomania, which is compulsive skin-picking. I pick my skin all the time because the urge is so strong, especially when i'm stressed (it's an impulse control disorder). I was finally able to stop picking my face over a year ago, but I still struggle with doing it on my arms and chest mostly. It leaves weird marks and scars that make me look like a freak. In my opinion it's self mutilation, a lot like cutting because it causes so much shame yet I can't control it. Strangely enough I don't really feel much physical pain even when it makes me bleed...but it causes so much emotional pain.
    Lorree, with the LYWB team
    Marissa
    on Tuesday, July 31, 2012 at 3:43 pm
    I am thankful, Marissa, that you are getting some help working through your pain and anger with your parents. I know this has to be a very difficult time for you. I hope your counselor is talking with you about forgiveness and the freedom you can find through that. It doesn’t mean that what your parents have done is right. It simply means that you have surrendered them and this struggle to God who will judge rightly and justly. They will be held accountable by God for the things they have done, Marissa. God will hold you accountable for how you choose to respond.

    I know it may be difficult for you to imagine right now, but God has the ability to use your suffering to grow you and make you stronger and even give you an opportunity to minister to others who may be going through similar situations.

    Spend much time in the Word, Marissa! Running to God when we are hurting is always the right thing to do. Praying for you right now, sweet friend!
    Lorree, with the LYWB team
    Mattea
    on Tuesday, July 31, 2012 at 3:44 pm
    I am sorry for your emotional and spiritual struggles, Mattea! I encourage you to not give up! Keep praying, persevere through this and stay in the Word. It will keep your emotions anchored to truth and give you much wisdom as you work through your spiritual pain. Is there an older woman in your church who can meet with you on a regular basis to encourage you, support you and walk with you through this difficult time? If you don’t know of one, you might check with your pastor to see if he can recommend someone. I’m praying that God will lead you to just the right woman who is willing to invest into your life.
    Lorree, with the LYWB team
    Mary
    on Tuesday, July 31, 2012 at 3:46 pm
    Do you have someone you can talk to about your feelings and your struggles, Mary? I encourage you to pray and ask God to show you an older godly woman who would be willing to meet with you and walk with you through this season of your life. She can encourage you, pray for you, get into the Word with you and hold you accountable in areas you might be needing help with. Is there someone you can think of? If not, you might ask your pastor if he knows of anyone who might be willing to do this. Praying for you, Mary!
    Lorree, with the LYWB team
    Jaimie T.
    on Tuesday, July 31, 2012 at 3:47 pm
    I can only imagine the pain of what you are going through, Jamie. I’ve prayed for your ability to fight this and overcome. I am encouraged to know that you were able to stop picking your face. That knowledge gives me hope that you will be able to do the same for your arms and chest. Have you ever tried memorizing Scripture? I wonder if memorizing portions of God’s Word and quoting it when you are stressed might be a means of gaining control in this area. Could you memorize Psalm 103 and give it a try?
    Anonymous
    Re:
    on Tuesday, July 31, 2012 at 4:36 pm
    hey Jamie, you know what that sounds alot like me. the urge to pick is very strong especially when i am stressed or unhappy. I pick at my back some, but mostly my face and chest. The red marks go away after a few days and don't leave scars, but that makes me think that it doesn't matter if i pick. And i also have called it self-mutilation before, like cutting. And it's not a habit, its an addiction.I'm always scrutinizing my face to see if there is any "big pores" and if i "need" picking. It's so sick. I'm always so ashamed after i pick, but in a way i feel better, because the urge is mostly gone. Unfortunately i don't know what to do either. :(
    Anonymous
    Re:
    on Tuesday, July 31, 2012 at 4:39 pm
    by the way Erin, so glad it wasnt' life-threatening... God bless you in your work here!! :)
    Beka
    God-moment
    on Tuesday, July 31, 2012 at 6:28 pm
    Hey, I have a God-moment to share. I told you all that I questioned recently with why God was letting a certain struggle contimue in my life instead of freeing me from it. Well, last night I was sitting on the floor of my room, spending time with God. I had just finished praying that God would reveal truths from His Word, when I looked up, and my gaze focused on a motto on the wall. It was a verse in Lam. 3, "It is good that one should both hope and quietly wait for the salvation of the Lord." The truth hit me as a bolt of lightning. I was wanting salvaltion from this struggle, and God was telling me, "My child, THIS is why I have not taken this away, because I am giving you a chance to hope and quietly wait for the salvation that will come, and I am giving you this chance, because it is good, and because I am good."

    I do not feel I have the words to describe how freeing I felt when this was revealed to me. And for the first time in my life, I realized what it TRULY meant to the thank the Lord for a trial!! =)

    I hope this blesses you as you strive to wait on God! He is there for you; don't give up!!
    Christina
    My Occasional Pain
    on Tuesday, July 31, 2012 at 8:22 pm
    This is so true! Always serve the Lord, NEVER ever give up! He is there, I Just Keep Trustin My Lord. I love that song:) I used to get headaches everyday, was suppose to get a cat scan and tons of stuff happened. I prayed:) The problem ended up fixed, God took the headaches away mostly:) I do have a lot of stomach pains though, i get them almost all the time and that reason we are not sure as to why. Please pray that i find out whats wrong with my tummy:) I'm praying too!:) Then theres a main problem i've had all my life and that would be having bad asthma. I go to the hospital and have to do a lot because of it, but it doesn't bother me and i still have all my trust in the Lord:)
    Lorree, with the LYWB team
    Anonymous
    on Wednesday, August 1, 2012 at 1:32 pm
    I’m sorry you are struggling with this, sweet friend. You are right; it is like an addiction, a prison, a form of bondage. Christ came to set the prisoners free. I encourage you to pray, spend much time in the Word and even memorize Scripture as a means for overcoming this urge. Isaiah 61:1-4, Psalm 103 and Philippians 4:4-6 are great passages for you to consider memorizing. When the urge comes, counter that urge by speaking God’s truth (Scripture) to yourself. It would also help to confide in an older godly woman who can pray with you, encourage you and hold you accountable. Is there someone you could share your struggle with? Praying for you today!
    breaking free
    Re:
    on Wednesday, August 1, 2012 at 1:48 pm
    I don't struggle with this as much anymore, but when I was younger, I got sick almost constantly, mostly with asthmatic problems. Sometimes I couldn't get of bed without feeling dizzy. I wasn't allowed outside past dark because the chilly air hurt my lungs. I don't remember when things started to change,they're much better now, but I do know when my attitude toward this started to. One week when I was sick, My mom read me this story about a guy confined to a wheelchair. He was a christian and one lesson he learned was that our cross ( our burden to carry ) is not our _________ (fill in the blank, asthma, headaches, chronic pain.) Our cross is our attitude toward those problems.

    I have a friend who struggles with chronic pain, and she is one of the sweetest, kindest, most godly young lady I know. She is very mature in her faith, and has been a real influence on me. Her pain hasn't made her bitter, instead she uses it as a life experience, and only shows greater empathy toward those with pain, or who are going through hard times.
    Sarah, with the LYWB team
    @Tabby...
    on Wednesday, August 1, 2012 at 6:01 pm
    So sorry things are so tough for you right now. God in His graciousness and goodness sent this post right at the right time for YOU! It must bring you great comfort to read Erin's words of hope. I pray you will find just what she did...a sweet fellowship with the Savior as she pressed hard into Him! He will see you through, Tabby. He promises to never leave you or forsake you! Know I am praying for you this afternoon!
    Sarah, with the LYWB team
    @Jazz...
    on Wednesday, August 1, 2012 at 6:14 pm
    We are so grateful this post brought you hope...and how we pray it does for your sister too. There is hope in the Lord Jesus, Jazz. Whatever pain you are going through, whatever physical, spiritual, mental, emotional pain, you have a Savior that never leaves you alone. I pray for your family, Jazz. You have endured much heartache. I pray God will strengthen your dad as a father and a pastor and teach him through these circumstances so he might minister grace and leadership to your family and those he ministers to; I pray for your mom that she will have peace to care for your sister and find strength in Christ to carry on, I pray for your sister that God will indeed give answers and bring healing as the Great Physician, and I pray for you, that God will fill your heart with His love and grace...in such a way that you KNOW His presence and do not fear or feel alone.

    Love and blessings to you.

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