Wisdom From A Young Married Woman

posted by Bethany Baird on 08/23/12
Category: Relationships; ; 48 comments

All eyes were on the back doors of the church. The organ began playing the wedding march, and there she was in a beautiful white wedding dress. She began her walk down the aisle toward her groom, God's chosen man for her to spend the rest of her life with. All eyes were in tears as we watched the bride and the groom seal their marriage with a kiss. They were finally husband and wife. I was beyond excited as I watched my friend marry the man of her dreams.

Stacy and Logan have now been married for a year and a half and are expecting their first baby! Their marriage is thriving on their love for God and their selfless devotion toward one another. As I've observed their Christ-centered marriage and selfless love, I wanted to know how I as a single woman could prepare to be a selfless Christ-centered wife like Stacy.

Stacy and I met up at Starbucks, and I got my notepad out to write down what advice Stacy had to give. I wanted to glean wisdom from her so that I can better prepare myself to selflessly love my own husband one day. Here's what Stacy said:

1. Strive to be completely satisfied in Jesus.
   • Choose to make Christ your first love above all else.
   • Choose to spend the best hours of your day in His presence.
2. Choose to be selfless with your schedule and your own personal agenda for the day.
   • Learn to become flexible with your own plans and agenda for the day.
   • Learn to put the people around you above your own plans.
3. Be a student of the people you live with right now.
   • Learn to love them and serve them in a way that makes them feel special and appreciated.
   • Watch them and take note of their likes and dislikes, and learn what makes them feel most loved.
4. Manage the space that God has given you right now.
   • If it's a small bedroom or a closet or a huge mansion, choose to live in a way that is warm and welcoming.
5. Take care of your body.
   • Choose to build habits now that will be a blessing to your future husband by showing him you desire to take care of yourself.
   • Do things now like exercising, dressing femininely, taking the time to brush your hair, keeping your toenails and fingernails nicely kept, etc.

I think Stacy made some great points! My greatest weakness out of the five above is number four. I have been a huge slacker in keeping my room nice and neat. Most of the time I live like a tornado just ripped through my room, picked everything up, and threw it on my bed and floor. I used to think that I could easily correct that messy habit once I was married. Stacy reminded me that I would still be the same person I am now once I am married. I won't magically develop neat and clean habits. If I want to be a neat and clean person when I married, I need to start developing those habits now.

What about you? What areas from above struck a cord? Which area do you think you need to work on most?

I know there are many things for us to work on in preparation to be a godly wife and mother, but Stacy's list is a great place to start! Remember that Proverbs 31:12 says, "She does him good and not evil all the days of her life" (emphasis added). We are to do our husbands good all the days of our life. (I'm guessing that all the days would include now!) Let's make sure we are building habits that will be a blessing to him and those around us now and in the future.

Comments

HEY, GIRLS! We love hearing from you, but feel limited in the ways we can help. For one thing, we’re not trained counselors. If you’re seeking counsel, we encourage you to talk to your pastor or a godly woman in your life as they’ll know more details and can provide you with ongoing accountability and help. Also, the following comments do not necessarily reflect the views of Revive Our Hearts. We reserve the right to remove comments which might be unhelpful, unsuitable, or inappropriate.

Jenna

Re:
on Thursday, August 23, 2012 at 7:13 am

Thank you, Stacy, for these words of wisdom! I definitely need to start working on some of them now. I'm going to try my best to be completely prepared for my future husband! Thanks.

Re:
on Thursday, August 23, 2012 at 7:33 am

Well this was definitely an intriguing post.

I need to work on 1 and 2. Probably 3.

I'm good at 4! In fact I just cleaned my whole room yesterday and I love it! (I'm a neat freak & I love that, too. XD)

5 I think I'm pretty good at, but there's always room for improvement. I've been exercising lately and I think I dress fashionably, and I like to have my hair nice and my nails, too.

What really shocked me was this:

"Remember that Proverbs 31:12 says, "She does him good and not evil *all* the days of her life" (emphasis added). We are to do our husbands good all the days of our life. (I'm guessing that all the days would include now!)"

I'm not sure if that verse does not yet apply to unmarried females and will not until they are married, but say it does. I need to be more cautious of what I watch and look up, if you catch my drift. And of the way I act toward other guys. I'm a teenage girl in high school so of course there's the temptation to behave in a way that is "fun" to me but my future husband probably wouldn't appreciate.

I guess it's hard to wrap my mind around, that I should be trying to do good to someone I haven't met yet (as far as I'm aware, anyway), like how can that verse tie me and other girls out there to do good to someone who we don't know yet and maybe doesn't even exist? But who knows, maybe that IS what it's saying to do. If anything this will encourage my to actually think before looking up inappropriate things.

Plus there's the fact that you either serve God or Satan, there is no in between. So like that verse says, "she does him GOOD and NOT evil". If everything we do is either good or evil, no in between, I think that should get us all thinking a little bit more.

Thanks for the post, Bethany, and thanks to Stacy for giving you this list. I wish her and Logan a very happy and blessed marriage, and a very healthy first child! :)

Alisha

Re:
on Thursday, August 23, 2012 at 7:53 am

I love that part about being a student of the people you live with right now. Might even be able to extend that out to my friends and the people I'm around on a daily basis- if i can't learn show them unconditional love, respect and forgivness how can i expect that quality to magically appear in me when i'm married. Very good food for thought.

RachelAllison

Love it!
on Thursday, August 23, 2012 at 8:51 am

Perfect! Exactly what I needed right now. Number 1 hit me really hard... I mean, I could use to work on all of them to some degree, but number 1 is something I REALLY need to work on. Even in my friendships, I have a tendency to rely too much on my friends and not enough on God.... this is something I am constantly battling. But I am working on it! Please be praying for me as I strive to keep God where He ought to be in my heart and find my comfort in Him, first and foremost?
Thanks for the post, Bethany! :)

Re:
on Thursday, August 23, 2012 at 10:30 am

Wow. Now THIS convicted me. Am I the only one who has Beast syndrome? Think that once I fall in love I'll suddenly be perfect?

1) Well... I tend to forgot that it's not like I'm Jesus' bride UNTIL I become someone else's bride. I'll be His bride until the end of the days - and then I'll be His wife. I've been ignoring my Prince in favor of a prince that might or not come...
2) I really struggle with this one. I mean... "Giving up things for my husband? That's ok. But for my sister? No. Way." But I know this is world's way, not God's way. I need a servant heart.
3) Well... I'm really shy, so I don't know how to do this one.
4) This. Ought to be the hardest for me!
5) Until now I used to think there's not a point in taking care of yourself to be at home (I'm homeschooled). But it makes sense! I'll live with my husband, so I need to remember to be a woman even at home (or rather, especially if I'm at home).

Would you pray that I become more neat, feminine and develop a servant's heart? Also, if you'd ask God to show me how to express love both towards Him and towards the people in my life...

Blue

Re:
on Thursday, August 23, 2012 at 11:19 am

I don't think I'm doing a great job of any of those things. That's truly pathetic. I haven't been putting Jesus on His rightful throne in my life lately. Instead, I've been worshipping my appearance all summer! I love when people tell me I'm beautiful or when I can tell that guys like me. Even if it's in a fatherly way, I like it when men tell me that I'm pretty. That's so vain, right!!? I think I need to take a beauty fast so that I can crawl back to Jesus. I really do love Him, and I want Him to be my first love<33

What else.. Oh, my room is a disaster area. I'm such a messy person =_( and I'm also bad at taking care of myself. I sometimes skip meals bc I'm not hungry, and if I do eat it's always like cake or ice cream lol!! I really want to improve bc I want to be a wife my husband will be proud of, someday. I'm also worried about what it takes to be a mother =( I'm such a baby myself (even though I'm 21) that I don't know if I'll ever make a good mother, even though I really want BABIESSSSS!!

Holly

True Words
on Thursday, August 23, 2012 at 11:44 am

I am getting married in four months and it's still a struggle every day. God's grace is what we need to make us amazing wives. It may seem "easy" to follow guidelines, but without His grace, we will fail. I think that's one thing that has been made real to me in my engagement.

Christina

These Are True Words
on Thursday, August 23, 2012 at 12:28 pm

This is all true! Number 1, I believe to be the most important. Spend time with Him everyday, make Him first in your life. Have a fire for Him! Two is important, you need to have a plan and make sure your schedule is flexible. Me I'm a babysitter, I always have to have a flexible schedule. If I didn't then there would be some issues with babysitting. I also do things like help out at my church and volunteer, so I definetly have a flexible schedule. Three makes people feel loved and special and that's always good! Not only the people you live with, but also friends and people that you are around you should make them feel special and loved. Also always have an open ear for them, there are times they will need someone so you can be the one there for them that sits quiet and just listen. Four, I love being clean. If my room gets a mess when my sister comes and visits, I am sure to clean it up not long after. I have been at places before and they'll have magazines and I have to fix them because if I don't they will drive me crazy! Five is so true. Not only should you do that for your husband, you should also do it for yourself. Have good hygeine, what you are like on the outside reflects who you are on the inside. Your inside shines through your outside. Is it bright or dull?

Miriam

Re:
on Thursday, August 23, 2012 at 1:02 pm

3/5
I think we should follow these
But also I do think men personally need to learn to be TIDY too.

And they also need to take care of there aperance aswell too

Brittany

Re:
on Thursday, August 23, 2012 at 1:10 pm

I know I definitely need to work on 1 and 2! especially now that college is starting for me here soon.

Lorree, with the LYWB team

To Blue
on Thursday, August 23, 2012 at 1:31 pm

Remember, dear friend, God looks at our hearts and not on our outward appearance (1 Sam. 16:7). The time we invest in our hearts and in our relationship with God is so much more important than the time we invest on outward beauty (1 Pet. 3:4). While the world tells us differently, this is the Truth from God’s Word.

The five points that Stacy gave to Bethany are a great plan for working towards your dream of being a mom – and great ways to prepare and be ready for marriage and motherhood when that time comes. I’m praying for you today, Blue. I’m asking God to give you a heart sold out to Him and a heart that desires to do all she can today to prepare for the future God has for her.

Good Advice
on Thursday, August 23, 2012 at 2:34 pm

I definately need to work on 1,2,3 and 5.
I'm OK with number 4.

Carrie, with the LYWB team

L.
on Thursday, August 23, 2012 at 3:13 pm

Jesus, thank you that your love changes us in very practical ways. Thank you that your love is not dependent on what we do, but has been lavishly extended to us simply because of who You are. Lord, you’ve heard the cry of L.’s heart to become more like you…to embrace your love and to extend that love to others. Thanks that you are right now answering that prayer; give her eyes to see the ways you’re working, Jesus, and a heart that praises you in the midst of that work.

Carrie, with the LYWB team

RachelAllison
on Thursday, August 23, 2012 at 3:17 pm

You’ve heard the cry of our friends heart, Abba. Amaze her today with your love; saturate her heart and mind with the wonder of the glorious gospel message so that her heart is captivated by the love of only One.

Amy

For those struggling with 1
on Thursday, August 23, 2012 at 5:01 pm

There's something that helped me to fall in love with God again... Have you ever heard Phantom of the Opera's All I ask of you?
I've always liked this song! But I've learned to make it into an hymn and now I love it even more...
I like to sing Christine's part before reading Song of Songs.
Especially "Say the word and I will follow you"... Helped me a lot, so I thought I'd share it...

But would it be to ask much of LYWB Team to make a series covering each of the items?

Tabby

Thank you!
on Thursday, August 23, 2012 at 6:56 pm

I was convicted in all these areas, but mostly 1. I've become obsessed with everything else in life (especially the guy I like) to pay much attention to God. Thank you!

Jessica Coles

re
on Thursday, August 23, 2012 at 9:07 pm

I think most of those Ive worked really hard at getting them to be where they need to be but number 5 which im working on I tend to work really hard at getting things to be God centered so Im trying.Thank you for posting this it helped

Dawn Marie

How an unmarried woman can bless her future husband
on Thursday, August 23, 2012 at 11:18 pm

C.
I just wanted to answer your question about how how you can bless your future husband right now.

First of all, don't do ANYTHING with ANY boy that you do not want some girl to do with him and not you. By even being overly flirty and too easy with your emotions can damage your own heart and effect your marriage. Let alone physical contact. Don't rob yourself of pouring all your innocence into your relationship with him. Don't rob yourself of having "firsts" with other men. That is a deep regret for myself.

Secondly, take control of your thought life now. Practice taking every thought captive, being kind in your mind, and thinking on "whatsoever things are pure, ..."
When you are married, you will need to keep all malicious thought towards your husband in complete check! If you practice this now, you will be prepared for the pressures of married stress.

Thirdly, protect your reputation with excellent character. Be so upright in your walk that if someone tries to spread a rumor about you no one will believe it. That means no "little white lies", no gossip, kindness to all (even those who do not deserve it), compassion for others, fleeing from sin, true humility, taking correction gracefully, and an active prayer life. Stay in the word of God and be deliberate about conversing with God every day. That builds the substance in you for good character.

Last, but not least, begin to pray every day for your future husband. Pray that God will protect him, bless him, bless his education, work in his family, challenge his heart, provide him a godly mentor(very important), and chasten him. Yes, chasten him. Pray for him to love God more than anything -more than you. Pray for God to work in his life in a powerful way.

Those are some ways you can bless the man God has for your future. How you can bless him every day even before you ever meet!

Mandy

Eye Opener
on Friday, August 24, 2012 at 11:13 am

Thank you so much for sharing this.

I've been single my whole life, and only lately have been thinking about praying for my future husband, Praise the Lord that i have wonderful friends that have opened my eyes to this. But there are often times where i have looked to myself and asked "what can I do?"
I know that keeping myself pure is a very important part and obviously loving God first and for most, but i never thought of the other ones that you mentioned here. These thoughts are things i will ponder over, and hopefully with God's help they will become good habbits in my life that i can bring to a marriage one day.

In Christ. ¢¾

Elaina

Re: Amy
on Friday, August 24, 2012 at 1:33 pm

Amy, I love that idea! Phantom is one of my favorite musicals and I am very familiar with that song. Do you sing it to God or to your future husband? And I echo Amy's request for a series cover each of these items! I sure could use it!

Amy

Re: Elaina
on Friday, August 24, 2012 at 1:57 pm

Well... It depends... I want it to be played in my wedding party, so sometimes I sing it as I think I'd do then. But I know that no human being can match all of this song (and I can't match Christine either - I'm not confident I'd ASK my husband to let me go ANYWHERE he goes... Like, if he goes to a war... I don't know if I wouldn't rather be away from him... I'm trying to change it, though).
Bearing it in mind, I sing it to God, because He's the only one who can be my freedom, my shelter, my light - and He's also the only one who can make me want to follow every word he says, believe everything He says is true and be so trusting. But as I do it, somewhere in my heart I ask Him that He'd make my love life something that'd reflect the relationship I'm seeking to have with Him as I sing the words.

Did I make myself understandable?

Elaina

Re: Amy
on Friday, August 24, 2012 at 3:49 pm

Definently!

Tabby

Question
on Saturday, August 25, 2012 at 2:01 am

I have a quick question. How can you tell the difference between love and infaturation? I think I love this guy, but I'm feeling convicted that maybe I don't love him for real.

Kaitlyn

Clarity
on Saturday, August 25, 2012 at 11:44 am

Thanks for the advice. I got help from a place called Clarity Sober Living. Check them out if you are looking for help. <a href="http://www.claritysoberliving.com">Clarity Sober Living for Women </a>

kaitlyn

Clarity
on Saturday, August 25, 2012 at 11:45 am

http://www.claritysoberliving.com

kaylee

Re:
on Saturday, August 25, 2012 at 3:43 pm

To all the single girls worrying about what if...when they're married, my best advice is just to enjoy your single life now. Stop worrying so much about this stuff. Is it good to prepare yourself for marriage? absolutely. But to worry about your housekeeping skills or trying to keep yourself looking good for your future husband, is a bit much.

I am on my second marriage. My first husband was a slob & my housekeeping skills were terrible, but when I got married I wanted to be the "perfect" wife so I made sure everything in the house was spotless by the time he got home from work. I cooked, cleaned, did all that...but you know how long that lasted? Til he started to not care anymore...and started taking all I did for him for granted. So, I gave up. Needless to say we ended up divorced after 2 yrs.

My second husband is an older man with slight OCD. When we first met, I thought this would be a problem. But guess what? It's not at all. He cleans up after himself & if I'm slacking with my cleaning he will help me clean, instead of yelling at me what a terrible housekeeper i am! This is what a good husband will do if he loves you.

The writer of this blog forgot to add some important points: the two things most married couples fight about...sex & money. She is still in the "honeymoon" stage of marriage. Prepare yourself by first off staying pure & get your finances in order. If there's one thing I've learned this second time around, my 2nd husband appreciated that I came into our marriage with NO debt, & no baggage. If you are a woman that likes to spend money, you need to tell him. Talk about your financial future. What does he spend money on? Who will pay the bills? Trust me, these are all important....and if your husband is a good man, he will be able to help you & get on the same page as you.

I love being married. But there are times when my single girlfriends come around & I just can't relate to them anymore. It kind of upsets me, but I wouldn't trade my marriage for being single again any day!! Like I said earlier, single ladies, enjoy these times. Once you get married, life is very different. It's hard to explain it, but it just is. Marriage is supposed to be forever, so try your best to make it that way. Wait for the guy God has for you & you won't have ANY regrets!!

Blue

Tabby
on Saturday, August 25, 2012 at 5:17 pm

Do you value his life more than your own? If it came down to it, would you sacrifice your life for this guy? I've never been in love, but I think that true love is like that. I was once infatuated with someone. I had thought for years that it was love, but I tested it one day with that same question- do I value this person's life more than mine? And I decided that the answer was no. I had no selfless attitude when it came down to this person. So I decided to be very honest with myself and realize that I was in lust, not in love. So I forced myself to stop thinking of that person, I avoided them for about a year, and now I no longer have those feelings for them. I think you should pray about it and test your feelings (prayerfully), and if you decide that you're infatuated, ask God to help you. Saying a prayer for you!

Beka

@Tabby
on Saturday, August 25, 2012 at 5:17 pm

Since I too have struggled with this for the past couple of years (sigh), I can share what has helped me sift my feelings into love or infatuation. Does that sound good? =)

First and foremost, go to God's Word! I Cor. 13 defines real, true love that reflects God's love. One character in a certain book tells another to "Hold your love up to the light of God's Word and see if there are any tears and rips in it." When I read I Cor. 13, I try to do that too. Ask yourself, Am I patient with this guy? Am I selfish in our relationship, or do I want what is best for hiim, even to the point of giving up our relationship? Do I envy him? Do I act in a wrong way toward him that will rob him in his marriage? And be honest with yourself as you answer! (which, sometimes for me is really hard! =[ )

Something else that has helped me is an article that I have come across in a piece of literature. It's titled "Love or Infatuation?" and contrasts them (I realize that this was maybe more geared toward those with boyfriends or girlfriends, those who are more committed, but still this has helped me):

"Infatuation leaps into bloom. Love usually takes root and grows in time.
Infatuation is accomplished by a sense of uncertainty. You are stimulated and thrilled, but not really happy. You are miserable when he is absent. You can't wait until you see him again.
Love begins with a feeling of security. You are warm with a sense of his nearness even when he is away. Miles do not separate you. You want hem near, but near of far, you know he's yours and you can wait.
Infatuation says, "We must get married right away. I can't risk losing him."
Love says, "Don't rush into anything. You are sure of one another. You can plan your future with confidence."
Infatution has an element of sexual excitement. If you are honest you will discover it is difficult to enjoy one another unless some degree of bodily intimacy is present.
Love is the maturation of friendship. You must be friends B4 you can be lovers.
Infatution lacks confidence. When he's away you wonder if he is with another girl. Sometimes you even check.
Love means trust. You may fall into infatution, but you never fall in love. Infatution might lead you to do things for which you might be sorry, but love never will.
Love leads you up. It make you think up. It make you look up. Love makes you a better person than you were before."

I hope this helps!! Praying for you, me =)

Tabby

Thanks again!
on Saturday, August 25, 2012 at 7:26 pm

Thanks, Blue and Beka!
@Beka Does that mean if I have feelings for him I don't love him? I don't exactly understand. I'll admit I started crushing on him before we really became friends, but I've noticed lately we have been becoming friends and even though I feel really "in love" with him when he compliments me or when we are together or I know we will see eachother, we are also pretty good friends now. I feel like I can tell him everything.
I remember when he went away on a mission trip for a month and a half, I missed him so much! I kept wanting him to be back and to see him.
I used to be miserable when he wasn't here, but lately I've gotten to a point where I can still be happy if I don't see him for a few days.
What if something happened in the past that made it hard for me to trust? Does that mean that if I don't trust him 100% that I don't really love him? Jealousy is normal right?
Is it love or infatuation? Are my extreme feelings for him normal?

Sarah, with the LYWB team

@Amy and Elaina...
on Saturday, August 25, 2012 at 11:45 pm

Keep singing girls! :-) A love song to the Lord must bring great delight to Him!

And thanks for sharing your interest in suggestions for topics for future posts!

Anonymous

...
on Saturday, August 25, 2012 at 11:47 pm

I've been thinking about this and for some reason, in this moment... It's hard for me to understand how relationships can be Christ centered in the first place, and I don't say that to deter anyone. I'm just chewing on my own problem, here. I guess maybe it’s because I haven’t know very many Christian guys and interacted with them? Ugh, I don’t know. :(

cece

@Kaylee
on Sunday, August 26, 2012 at 2:09 am

Thanks Kaylee for your wisdom! Your words are Much appreciated! I hope your Marriage is Continental Blessed! :)

Annonymously Me

Things to keep in mind...
on Sunday, August 26, 2012 at 2:18 am

I know it;'s hard to think of your future husband, but remember God set up your life perfectly and He knows when you will meet him. You may meet him tomorrow, and you two be friends for five years, and then fall in love and marry Not everybody gets hit in the head with the "this is my husband" right away. Some people, may meet him tomorrow and know deep inside. So it is better to prepare your heart now, and be set in God's ways, so when the right guy does come along, you aren't sitting there and let him become your number one and God on the back burner. Remember, to ALWAYS love God first. Everything, even your future husband comes second. As for taking notes about people around you, that will come in handy when you meet your future husband, or get married. So you know the things he likes and doesn't like. So you know what questions to ask to get to know him. It's like when you read the bible, (or for me at least) I like to write down, (or make mental notes at times) about what God wants me to do, or not do. What God likes to see in HIs people and Not see. God, should be our first Love because He has deserved it, and wants us to love him first and foremost.

To Anonymous

Re: ...
on Sunday, August 26, 2012 at 2:21 am

Relationships can be Christ-Centered by praying together, reading the bible together, fellowshiping together, talking with other couples about God. Have small groups with your friends where its centered about God. Since we walk everyday with God.

Angie Marie

Thanks C.
on Sunday, August 26, 2012 at 8:29 pm

C: Thank you so much for sharing that interpretation of doing your future good "all the days of your life." That is a lovely, thought-provoking, and likely very Biblically-accurate reading of that line. I had never interpreted those words in that exact way, and I LOVE the challenge to begin doing my future husband good long before I know who he is.

Thanks and God bless!

Green Grass

Thank you
on Sunday, August 26, 2012 at 11:37 pm

Thank you for such good reading and wisdom from older and wiser people!

Lorree, with the LYWB team

To Annonymous
on Monday, August 27, 2012 at 3:51 pm

As each of you decides to live wholeheartedly for the Lord and forsake your fleshly desires by keeping yourselves pure and loving and serving others, you have made God the center of your relationship. As was mentioned above, reading the Bible together, praying for each other and serving others together are great ways to stay Christ-centered and honor Him through your relationship.

Don’t give up, sweet girl! There are godly guys out there who love the Lord with all their hearts and are willing to be the spiritual leader you need in your relationship. Take a listen to Jeremiah in this blog where he encourages you to look for a 6:11 kind of guy (http://tinyurl.com/8qg8fs4).

Praying for you right now, my friend!

Last Edit: on Monday, August 27, 2012 at 3:53pm by ljohnson

Re:
on Monday, August 27, 2012 at 11:16 pm

I think I struggle with all of these...However, the one that stood out to me the most was number 5, and I'm a little curious about it.
I really don't worry too much about how I look. I wouldn't say I don't care, I just don't care enough to make much of an effort usually. And the mention of "dressing femininely" - once again, I'm really not very concerned with what I wear, so long as it's modest and appropriate. I'm far more comfortable in jeans and a t-shirt than anything else, and I don't enjoy wearing skirts or dresses. So, if anyone else is still reading comments on this post, what's your take on what exactly "dressing femininely" means? I honestly don't know - I obviously want to honor my future husband, should I ever have one, but how do I do that? Do my clothes really matter that much, so long as they are modest? In general, should I be more concerned than I am about taking care of my outer appearence?

Thanks for the post, gave me lots to think about and a few things to wonder about.

GG

Blue

GG
on Tuesday, August 28, 2012 at 12:03 am

I don't think you're style matters. I think it's important to keep yourself groomed. Some guys don't even like girly girls. Be yourself!

Taylor

Thank You!
on Tuesday, August 28, 2012 at 12:33 pm

Thanks for getting this insight, Bethany, and for letting us receive it as well! This is really challenging to me!

LindseyV

Amen kaylee
on Tuesday, August 28, 2012 at 3:48 pm

I must say I agree with kaylee. This also seems to me to be a "means to an end" of getting married. You should love the people around you to please God, not "practice" for loving a husband. What if you don't get married too? All the wasted time and thought on the subject. Plus, sorry for being cynical, but why are we asking for advice from someone who's been married a year and a half? I want to hear from someone who's been through the inevitable hard stuff and made it past a year...

Beka

2Tabby
on Tuesday, August 28, 2012 at 4:39 pm

When I first read your questions, I thought, "Wow, what challenging questions to answer!" But it definitely encourages me that you want to know, and you are willing to search for answers. I wrote down the questions, thought about them, prayed over them.... I invite the LYWB team to comment if they'd like, because I certainly do not know everything, and I don't even want to try to pretend that I do. But God has taught me some things.....

First of all, yes, dear girl, you and your extreme feelings are very, very normal! God has created girls to be attracted to guys, and it is not uncommon for a girl to possess "overboard" feelings towards a certain guy. But though it may be normal, I hesitate to say that it is right to leave feelings uncontrolled. While I want to have "feelings" for my husband when we are married, and I think that is totally proper and right, feelings are just that-feelings. I cannot trust my feelings. They fluctuate with the wind. I do not believe true love is a feeling. True love is rather a commitment, a choice.

Does you catch my drift? looking back on my own experiences, I can see that I did not have a perfect love for the guy I was struggling over at a certain time. I see that, one time, I was rude. Another time, for another guy, I did not respond rightfully to his correction. I was proud. And that was during the time that I was infatuated over them. So since I cannot trust my feelings, I have to decide whether I truly love them by my actions, not my feelings. Does that make sense?

You asked about trust. Dear girl, I do ot know what has happened that you have a hard time trusting, but I guess what? I am in the same boat. How can I know that my husband won't turn out to be like my father? This is also something that I have to work through..... I think...that trust is kinda like true love. It's a choice. When one marries another, they are putting their full trust in the other, and saying, "I am giving my heart and my body and my soul to you (though ultimately to God), and I trust that you will nurture them, instead of deforming them." I dunno, I've never been married, but that's kinda how I see it.....

You also asked about jealousy. I'm not sure what you want to get out of the answer, but...OK, so u asked "Jealousy is normal, right?" So just straight answering that question.....yes, jealousy is normal, but most kinds of jealousy is wrong. It's sin. The right kind of jealousy would be when you jealously guard your heart from evil influences, or that God is jealous God over His people, does not want to lose them to sin and Satan. But jealousy as envy is wrong. I Cor. 6: 9 and 10 lists the covetous with the fornicators and thieves as not inheritors of the kingdom of God! So even if it is normal, we know that is a sin.

Does that satisfy what you were asking? Or did I miss something? I wish you blessings as you continue to grow!!! Be encouraged, dear Tabby! From what you wrote of your journey from feelings to love, I can see that you are learning and growing!! And so am I (I mean, I think I am, and I hope I am =] ).

Praying for you! In love, me

Tabby

Beka
on Tuesday, August 28, 2012 at 6:57 pm

Thank you for answering my questions! I feel like I've learned more now. Your answers made a lot of sense.

Beka

@Tabby
on Wednesday, August 29, 2012 at 1:50 pm

You're very welcome. I'm glad that they helped! I think that your questions made me realize some things about myself, so I guess God had more than one reason in mind......May He recieve the glory!! =)

Anonoymous 101

Hi! Thank-you and Question/Advice
on Wednesday, August 29, 2012 at 6:15 pm

The ones that stick out to me the most is 1, 4 and 5!! I need to continue put Jesus in center of my life.

It's especially hard, after God brought a friend back in your life after not talking to him for nearly seven years!! And still wondering what God will do!!!

And I'm wondering, why would God bring someone in my life after seven years, hang out and then not talk to each other for a while? If anything, he really did open up the doors for me to heal (like I mentioned this before) and he really has!! I'm truly grateful for him for that!

I just sure hope it's not completely over! Some people gave me prayers to pray that I'v begun to pray, and if anything I'm learning how to wait patiently, that's hard, but waiting to see what God does is worth it!

Does anyone have any ideas about how to pray or where to pray in the scriptures? I just feel like God's placed it on my heart to pray for myself, and my friend!:)

He is also a believer as well! This was also challenging beaus it gave me something to think about and to put into practice!!:)

Putting Jesus at the center of my life can be hard and challenging!! Thank-you!! Looking forward to hearing more!:)

Lorree, with the LYWB team

To Anonymous 101
on Thursday, August 30, 2012 at 5:06 pm

We don’t always understand God’s ways, but we do know His ways are best even if it entails waiting. Funny thing about waiting, my friend. Often we think it is just sitting back and “waiting” for something to happen. But when I think about a waiter or a waitress, I realize that waiting is an active verb. Waiting tables is hard work.

So what can you do to as you sit back and wait for God to bring His man into your life? You can work hard at being a godly woman – one who will be a benefit to her husband all the days of her life – even these days now (Prov. 31:12). By choosing to spend time in God’s word, by praying, by serving others, by learning housekeeping skills and organizational and cooking skills now, you are doing good for the man God brings your way, whether it is this guy or not.

Proverbs 31,1 Corinthians 13 or Galatians 5:22-24 are great passages to pray for yourself and your friends.

Praying for you, friend, and asking God to speak to your heart and show you how He wants you to be actively waiting on Him.

Anonoymous 101

Hi Lorree!!! :) Thank-you!-One last thing!
on Thursday, August 30, 2012 at 11:44 pm

HI Lorree!!

Thank-you so much!! I started to look up these verses tonight and the one that stood out to me the most was

1 Corinthians! Funny thing, is that's one of the verses that God was high-lighting to me, when it came to my friend I've been praying about!

It's all in God's timing, and what I'm truly grateful for though as I mentioned this before about how he opened up the doors for heal from my child-hood wounds. ANd I still find it funny that 1 Corinthians is the verse that God was high-lighting to me!! And you're right, it's about his future too as well not just mine!

Even though I really do like him, love isn't selfish but patient, slow and kind!!

It's just so hard in waiting!!! I've never realized until now, how hard it is to wait, and allow the men to lead!! Thank-you for the encouragement and stuff to think and read about!!!

Blessings!!!
Is it wrong to be praying for God to give me a direct answer some-time?

I'm praying the prayers that was suggested to me a while back, and it helps me keep my eyes on God instead!

Thank-you!!! Many-blessings on this wonderful ministry!!!:)

For some odd reason this topic has been on my mind recently... :) But trying not to get it to be my main focus! God first!!:)

jolene

great post!
on Tuesday, September 4, 2012 at 10:03 am

excellent post!

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