Forgiving Him

Erin Davis 11/26/12 | Twitter: @ErinGraffiti
Category: Relationships ; 59 comments

I have a good friend who recently told me that she feels that God is asking her to forgive her dad. I don't know all the ins and outs of their relationship, but I do forgiveknow her dad has never asked for forgiveness. In fact, he's never even hinted that he's done anything wrong, even though he has.

Our culture would tell my friend that forgiveness is unnecessary or at least premature. She should wait until her dad realizes what he's done before letting him off the hook. But this is not how the Bible treats forgiveness.

On Tuesday I asked you to celebrate the great men in your lives. Many of you did, but you added a "but."

There are good guys out there but ...

Not at my school.
Not my dad.
Not my ex-boyfriend.
Not at my church.

I am guessing those "buts" come from a place of hurt. You've been wounded, and it's changed the way you see the guys around you. I have a feeling that the world's twisted views on forgiveness and relationships have wormed their way into your hearts.

So what should you do if you've been hurt by a guy? How can you deal with the bitterness that makes you feel like godly men are an endangered species? What should you do when the guy who hurt you won't even acknowledge his mistakes?

The answer is simple. Forgive him. The application of that answer is rarely easy, but that doesn't mean bitterness is an easier road.

I once read that unforgiveness is like drinking poison and then expecting the other person to get sick. In truth, holding onto your bitterness toward that guy will affect you more than it will ever affect him.

That's why Jesus gave us this profound warning.

"For if you forgive others their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you, but if you do not forgive others their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses" (Matt. 6:14–15).

Forgive and be forgiven. Keep a death grip on your pain and miss God's grace. Those are your options.

How do you get rid of your bitterness toward guys? You forgive them. Do they deserve it? Maybe not. But it is always good to be reminded that we don't deserve God's forgiveness either, and yet He freely offers it to us.

If you're struggling in this area, I highly recommend you check out the radio program in healing from bitterness found here.

In it, Lies Young Women Believe author Nancy Leigh DeMoss offers this approach to dealing with bitterness:

  • Confess bitterness as sin.
  • Ask God to forgive you for that root of bitterness, for that anger, for what maybe has become a hard heart toward Him or others.
  • Then would you receive God's grace? Would you ask Him to fill your heart with His love, His forgiveness, His mercy, maybe toward the people who have most hurt you, toward an ex-mate, toward a stepchild, toward a parent who hurt you so deeply?

Nancy goes on to remind us, "You'll never be free until you let go of the bitterness, put it away, and in its place receive God's grace and His forgiveness."

If you want to be free from your distrust of guys, stop looking to the men to change. It's not your job to hold their feet to the fire to be more like Christ. That's God's job! If you've been hurt, your job is to forgive and to refuse to put up with bitterness.

My friend is making the choice to stop sipping poison and to trust God to change the hearts of the men who have hurt her. Will you join her?

Comments

HEY, GIRLS! We love hearing from you, but feel limited in the ways we can help. For one thing, we’re not trained counselors. If you’re seeking counsel, we encourage you to talk to your pastor or a godly woman in your life as they’ll know more details and can provide you with ongoing accountability and help. Also, the following comments do not necessarily reflect the views of Revive Our Hearts. We reserve the right to remove comments which might be unhelpful, unsuitable, or inappropriate.

    Jan
    Hurt by a guy
    on Monday, November 26, 2012 at 1:54 am
    Hi Erin,

    Thank you for posting this blog. I am currently dealing with hurt from a guying I thought I was dating. I say "thought I was dating" because his actions towards me never spoke to the fact that we were dating.

    It was very difficult to communicate with him; when I would try to express my feelings, he wouldn't want to listen and would say "I don't want to talk about this" or "Why are you still talking". Because of this, I decided that it was best not to call him anymore. It hurts because I really care about him but you reminded me that it is not my job to try and change him. Sometimes, I want to act like I'm the Savior and I am not.

    I continue to pray for him and pray, if it is God's will, that an opportunity will open for he and I to talk. It's not so much about me being right but knowing that he respects me enough to listen.

    Thanks again Erin!

    Jan
    Steve Cornell
    Moving from forgiveness to reconciliation
    on Monday, November 26, 2012 at 7:37 am
    Another very important matter is to distinguish forgiveness from reconciliation and to know the signs of true repentance. If interested, I explain this here: http://thinkpoint.wordpress.com/2007/07/28/forgiveness-is-one-thing-reconciliation-is-another/
    Christina
    Bitterness
    on Monday, November 26, 2012 at 10:22 am
    This is so true, and something that i realized a while ago. Last Christmas my dad and i got in a fight, because of something that he was doing that was wrong. Well he didn't contact me again after i said, "You can be my full time dad, or don't be my dad at all." No more conversation from him. He's given me a lot of hurt in my life, and i always forgave him and came back and opened myself up for more hurt. This time i wasn't gonna let that hurt get to me, well it hurt that i wasn't talkin to my dad and it was all my fault. At first i didn't think it was my fault, but even at the times through the years that he didn't talk to me he still sent me presents for my birthday and Christmas. Well my birthday came around and nothin, nothin at all. I realized that i had done somethin wrong, not that i wanted a present or anything, but it's th fact of those presents let me know that he was still thinkin about me. I texted him several times, sent him a letter and package with pictures, had some people fb him, but nothin really ever from him. Through what i sent i did ask for forgiveness. I didn't think i was in the wrong before, but i realized that i might have been in the wrong, ecspecially for the sin of being bitter towards him. I fully forgave him, and it did hurt that he wasn't takin my appology. I thought i could do something, but i couldn't. My friends told me that the ball was in his court now, which is true, but it's still hard on me and i wanted to do somethin. Well, a little over a month ago, i picked up the phone and i called him. He answered, the conversation was hard, i felt as if i wish i didn't call because he's moving on with his life, but we are now talking. In fact, he even called me on Thanksgiving and has been calling me on either Sunday or Mondays. He hasn't forgiven my appology, or at least hasn't said it, and he hasn't appologized, but we are talking!
    Emily
    Forgiveness
    on Monday, November 26, 2012 at 1:36 pm
    God has recently been working on this area of my heart towards my Dad. Like your friend's Dad, my Dad is stubborn and doesn't like to admit that he's wrong. This has caused me deep pain and mistrust of him. I felt like I had a right to be angry and that he needed to humble himself and do the right thing. But then I realized that anger would not solve it. James says that man's anger doesn't accomplish God's righteousness. I couldn't bring about God's righteousness in my Dad in the anger of my pain. I was sinning. I also realized that I should be showing my Dad grace and not giving up in anger. God has had to show me LOTS of grace and He never gave up on me. And I also realized that prayer was the only way to accomplish change-real change. James says that the prayer of a righteous man accomplishes much. God has changed me. My heart is more softened towards my Dad. I looked to my heart to see if there was any wicked way in me. Blaming my Dad and harboring anger won't change the situation. My Dad doing the right thing won't solve all my problems. My heart can only find true joy and fulfillment in Jesus. That's what I want most of all. I also prayed for God to soften my Dad's heart. I ask this for my Dad so he may have joy and what God seeks for him. Yes, I do want my Dad to change, for the hurt to stop, and I desire more of a relationship than what I already have. But only God can truly change him. God has softened my Dad over the years, and it's so cool to watch!!!! I didn't have to manipulate or nag or sit in frustration. God didn't do it necessarily in my way or in my time. But I know that if God has done it, the change is real. Ladies, God honors the prayers of those who are real about seeking Him. Remember what James said of the righteous man! Not that He grants us everything we ask for, but He comes into the midst of our situation and let us know He is there. He can heal your heart.
    Beka
    forgiving....
    on Monday, November 26, 2012 at 3:14 pm
    Yes, Erin, I will join your friend!! May God bless her for being such a good example, and thanks for the post!
    J
    Re:
    on Monday, November 26, 2012 at 3:21 pm
    Wow... God amazes me with His timing!

    So there's this guy.. We both like each other & have been working towards a relationship for over 3 years now, ever since like 8th grade & we're juniors now. He started holding my hand a bit over a week ago & I was so happy, everything was going wonderfully. Being in a relationship with him was drawing me closer to God, not pushing Him away, & life just felt great. We had cute, innocent fun without like anything physical in it for the longest time. But I did ask him if he was serious or if it was just nothing to him & he got sort of offended that I asked & reassured me that he was serious because he doesn't "just go around holding any girl's hand". Then I talked to my mom more about him, & she told me that he needed to talk to my dad & ask permission to get to know me & be more than friends. Honestly I wasn't too happy about that, because while I agree, I thought that that was for a more serious official relationship & stuff.. But I told him he'd have to talk to my dad if we were going to continue as we were. He seemed alright with it for a while, but then started giving me excuse after excuse about how he doesn't want to because then people will talk about us or my dad won't let us hang out anymore or my dad will hate him if anything happened to our friendship.. & I just didn't know what to do because my dad would never do that. He asked me if I wanted a super serious relationship & I told him no, talking to my dad isn't that big of a deal, it's just a family rule. Then.. This guy.. Just yesterday he told me that he never even wanted a relationship with me anyways & "lets just be friends." &... It really really hurts. If I had known that before everything I'd be totally fine with it because he's a good friend & that's great, but.. Why would he ever hold my hand & lead me on like that if he KNEW that it wasn't gonna go anywhere & he didn't want a relationship? Why? It just doesn't make sense to me.. & I don't want to lose him as a friend but because there's still attraction between us even though he only sees us as friends I can't figure out how to act around him.. We have classes together & our families hang out.. So yeah.

    I'm sorry this is so long, but I guess I'm just asking for prayer so that I'll be able to forgive him for not making his intentions clear & sort of leading me on then dropping me in the dust. Also, & I'm not just saying this, I'm not bitter about it. Yet. I'm just rather numb & confused - please pray that I won't take this & become bitter & let this affect my walk with my beloved Savior or relationships with other friends. Thanks girls, I'm so thankful for this safe place to come & share because I don't trust many people in my life with my true heart.. So thanks :)
    Love in Christ,
    J
    megan
    to J
    on Monday, November 26, 2012 at 3:54 pm
    If he was a good friend he wouldn't have led u on like that and I'm so sorry u had to experience that but I do hope that u will forgive him even if u was just being a bad friend but I pray that God will help u forgive him be strong girl!
    C.Jazzy 101
    My Hurt and Pain on the way to Forgive
    on Monday, November 26, 2012 at 4:33 pm
    Hi Erin!

    I'm not going to lie, I was so hurt by someone when I was five years old..... To be honest, and straight forward, I need help in forgiving. God brought the right man in my life to forgive. I really like him, I still do, and God is highlighting me over and over to forgive. It's like knight and day. It's hurts, to forgive.

    He's caused me to say no, (my former baby-sitter when I was five) to every guy whose asked me out. If it wasn't for him, (my former baby-sitter) as a five year old, I wouldn't have had to say no to all the men who asked me out....

    That's the root of my anger and hurt! I however, really like my friend whose on an adventure! And God is clearly opening up doors to forgive this young man who hurt me when I was five, and I could use prayers. It's easy for me to forgive those who hurt me when I was older in different ways, but my former baby-sitter as a five year old it's hard!
    Nytasha
    Forgiveness
    on Monday, November 26, 2012 at 6:11 pm
    Thank you so much for this, Erin! It really helped me. So this guy and I have been best friends for a while now. He was going through a tough breakup and I started liking him and I was there for him always. He led me on and did and said a lot of sweet things to me. I basically shared my whole life with him and he accepted me for me. But soon he started talking his anger out on me and would start going off on me by calling me a liar or a dishonest person. He would try to avoid the conversation by saying "I don't wanna talk about this". I used to say sorry all the time to him just so I could be his friend even though all those things he accused me of was not true. It's been two months now and he and I have stopped talking because he needs space. I see him at church every Sunday and at bible studies or church events often. And it's so hard to get him out of my mind. I have feelings of hurt but I also really love him. But he doesn't feel the same about me. He was ignoring me for the first two weeks but has started joining conversations and coming up and talking to me when I'm with my friends. I don't know what to do. I feel like I'm waiting for him to say sorry and I have so much of hurt in my heart. Please pray that i will be able to forgive him. Thank you!
    kk
    Oh yeah...Bitterness....I'm there.
    on Monday, November 26, 2012 at 7:36 pm
    Oh, boy. Don't you love when this subject comes up? It's the one thing that is soooo hard to do. Escpecially when you have been hurt in a very deep way. It affects you a long time; and when you finally forgive--you think---Great! I'm free! I forgave him and everything will be all right now. But a few weeks or months or even years go by, and you catch yourself thinking bitterly about your past hurt, always being mean towards the person who hurt you, and tearing him down in front of others. That's not forgiveness. It's bitterness. My bitterness. You see...I've been hurt. By my brother when I was nine...by my dad and mom when they acted like nothing happened and didn't even try to help me through it...by the same brother as over and over again he was rude and insensitive...and it just brought up all the pain he brought me by what he did to me. But, even though they hurt me....right now, I'm hurting myself by being bitter towards them. I may agree that I need to forgive them for their sake and because God tells me to, but I really need to forgive them for me. Because if I don't let go of the bitterness, I'm going to die. Seriously. I'm so hurt; and it's so hard to let go. I've no one to talk to, and when I've tried, they implied I wasn't trying hard enough or praying enough or reading the Bible enough. Is it so wrong to want someone who loves you to tell you everything is going to be all right and that they will help you through it? It's been close to nine yrs now since I was hurt, and I'm still hurting. Will ya'll pray for me? I feel really on the edge right now. Like if I don't get help soon....I'm going to rebel and run away from God, my family, everything I know, because I just can't take it anymore. I'm falling apart. It's like no one understands or sees what I'm going through.

    By the way, thanks to ya'll who shared your stories. They were such an encouragement to me as I'm struggling right now!

    kk
    Ashley
    Re:
    on Monday, November 26, 2012 at 9:50 pm
    This part really struck me:
    In truth, holding onto your bitterness toward that guy will affect you more than it will ever affect him.

    That's why Jesus gave us this profound warning.

    "For if you forgive others their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you, but if you do not forgive others their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses" (Matt. 6:14–15).

    Forgive and be forgiven. Keep a death grip on your pain and miss God's grace. Those are your options.
    I realized that Ive been doing this and that my relationship with God hasnt been sufferign just from stress or the loss of my best friends dad. THIS IS AFFECTING ME. Boys have taken center stage. Actually three specifically, my one and only ex-boyfriend. Its gooten much better with him bc he is lost in his faith and was when I dated him and despite the fact that I pray for his return to Christ it made it easier for me to get over him. At least I have him to thank for my resolution to never date anyother man than my husband. However, it is diffrent when its a friend who doesnt return the feelings, I think. I dont want to jepardize my heart, or the clean relationship I can have with my future husband by saying anything. But no matter how much I wnat to be rid of the feelings, or pray to God to take them away I still am left upset and (unintentionally) hurt after the littlest things. Recently however the book Lady In waiting has really helped me in forgetting about guys and making God # 1. When you have a guy held to such standards whether he knows it or not, YOU not he are the one bound to get hurt. Its sooooo sooo sooooooo much easier to work tirelessly to make God #1.
    Brittany
    Re:
    on Tuesday, November 27, 2012 at 2:11 pm
    Great post! I've held o to bitterness for may years toward my dad ad an ex frenemy. Over time I learned to let go and forgive, and haven't felt so free as I do now.
    Carrie, with the LYWB team
    @ J
    on Tuesday, November 27, 2012 at 3:21 pm
    I’m sorry you’ve been hurt, J; your friend was wrong to lead you on as he did. But, I’m so very proud of you for doing the right thing! You heeded the wise counsel of your parents when it seemed hard to do (I’m standing up applauding you! ) and you’re being intentional about praying and guarding your heart against bitterness.

    Keep talking to your parents, J. ; they’ll help you walk through this. Check out this past post on interacting with guys as friends (http://www.liesyoungwomenbelieve.com/index.php?id=676) and keep asking the Lord to show you what He wants you to learn through all of this. Realize that while a broken heart takes some time to heal, the Lord has a purpose even in this difficult time.

    Press on, friend. I’m praying for you today… and believing God for great things in your life.
    Carrie, with the LYWB team
    @Nytasha
    on Tuesday, November 27, 2012 at 5:08 pm
    I’m praying for you today, Nytasha. Forgiveness is a choice you can make today. It’s not based on feelings or even having the right “ desire” to forgive. It’s based on, as Erin said, the fact that because we’ve been forgiven by God, we have been commanded ( and empowered by Him) to give those who have hurt us. Forgiveness is choosing to entrust what has happened to God, friend. He is sovereign and in control. He alone has the power to use even the heartache of this situation for your ultimate good.

    Make the choice today, Nytasha. Then thank the Lord for protecting you from this young man’s anger and his slanderous tongue and pray that he would allow the Lord to work so that he might become a man who honors God and others in all his ways.
    Lorree, with the LYWB team
    @ Christina
    on Tuesday, November 27, 2012 at 5:12 pm
    We are so proud of you, Christina, for doing the right thing in going the extra mile in your relationship with your dad. Forgiveness is always the right thing to do. I know that is hasn’t been easy for you, Christina. But you are choosing to honor God through obedience whether your dad ever acknowledges your apology or ever apologizes to you for the pain he has brought into your life. You are a bringing joy to your Heavenly Father! Keep it up, my friend!
    sammy
    Re:
    on Tuesday, November 27, 2012 at 11:23 pm
    A few months ago i broke up with my boyfriend...come to find out he had been cheating on me for two months prior to the break up...OUCH!! it hurt so much!! He was a senior and i a junior! I was so excited because i wouldn't have to see him the following year...(in honesty the break up was a good thing brought me closer to God and further from myself) On the first day of school you will never guess who was there..yep my ex..back to serve a fifth year of high school..I couldn't believe it! i was so disgusted by him! i wanted to just shove past him and give him dirty glares!!! I asked God why is he back again?!?!?!?!?! For the first couple of weeks i wasn't very nice to him..i would be rude through actions towards him and try my best to never talk with him...God started changing my heart...it was one night i was in my room listening to music when the song "forgiveness" by Matthew West played..Immediately tears ran down my face..for months i had been asking God why? Why did he come back? Why now?? and i truly believe God had him come back so i could forgive him..So i did that night i chose to forgive my ex for hurting me for cheating on me and for refusing to realize his wrongs...Two weeks later he left the school...i know that God had him come so i could learn to forgive, and i am so happy i forgave him...you are right on when you say bitterness only hurts the person who is bitter! i have been there and done that! but the feeling of freedom that comes from forgiving is amazing!! So thanks for the post it was a great encourager and reminder of the power of forgiveness!
    Anonymous
    Dealing with Hurt
    on Tuesday, November 27, 2012 at 11:42 pm
    THank you so much, you don't understand how much this has helped. Im very appreciative.

    God Bless
    Twinny
    hurt and confused
    on Wednesday, November 28, 2012 at 2:08 am
    thankx Erin for the gr8t post,well i dn't knw whr to start...i hv been in a relationship with this guy for more than two years-dating of course but it was on and off and mind u he lives nearby my house he has hurt me sooo much since he was also cheating on me (besides he is not a christian!)so i managed to fynd out nd broke up wit him,i loved him so much bt ever since i joined dis blog i wz revived tremendously nd i thank God fr dat nd u guys so i forgot bwt him.towards the end of this year,he called me nd he apologised nd he was awre of his wrong doing nd i forgave hm bt as tym wnt by he conffesd dat he still loves me nd i told him dat i cn't go bck there again as i'm still focusing on God and strving to live Holy so he asked me to see him bt i refused nd then all of a sudden he called me this mrning nd i'm sori to say this bt he sounded pissed nd startded to yell at me saying dat i shud hv been honest wit him of whch i dd nd wz aftawards he said i shud enjoy my life !... nw i'm really conffused i dnt knw wht to do,plz help me Erin nd u girls.
    God Bless u all!
    Twinny
    Marina Rodriguez
    God directed me to you....
    on Wednesday, November 28, 2012 at 12:45 pm
    About 20 mins ago, I asked God to please help me forgive my exfiance who hurt me so much. I have recently discovered the real reason our engagement was put off....he is having a baby next month. You all can imagine the hurt I went through, and what's worst when I confronted him he told me "it is not your business and I didn't do anything wrong". What hurt me most was that his pride was so huge, I couldn't even get an "Im sorry". Anyway, today I dedicated the day to prayer, to ask Him to help me forgive. Yesterday I posted that same quote that's on this blog "Holding on to anger is like drinking poison expecting the other person to die". I just happened to read this blog and I started shaking when I read that quote....amazing. I just wrote that yesterday!!! This is clearly God talking to me through your blog!! Thank you so much, and to everyone that reads this....trust and believe I would be a mess right now. But I am not, and it is only because of God's grace and goodness. He has made me realize that He is my Keeper. He has kept me away from what was a marriage destined to be hell. Trust in Him ladies, pray and seek Him first!!!

    Marina
    Last Edit: on Wednesday, November 28, 2012 at 12:59pm by cgaul  
    Carrie, with the LYWB team
    @Marina
    on Wednesday, November 28, 2012 at 1:02 pm
    We’re so thankful for the ways the Lord is at work in your life! Thank you for sharing a bit of your journey with us, Marina.

    We have removed your contact information, for your protection, based on our Blog Ground Rules.

    Blessings
    Carrie
    Sarah, with the LYWB team
    @C.Jazzy...
    on Wednesday, November 28, 2012 at 4:51 pm
    Are you able to get the book "Choosing Forgiveness" by Nancy DeMoss? It is available through www.ReviveOurHearts.com and Amazon. It will be a great help to you in working through the forgiveness issue. I pray it is available to you. I pray you will forgive to set yourself free. I pray you will know the deep love of the Father who forgave you so much, so that you might forgive others. God bless you.
    C.Jazzy 101
    Hi Sarah! From: C.Jazzy101
    on Thursday, November 29, 2012 at 3:48 pm
    Hey, so I just got a response back from my friend, and I'm not going to lie, it was hard. I was so surprised, when he decided to basically take the pictures I put up on Facebook off, as well as our friendship. So, I wonder, did I say the wrong thing by asking him a simple question?

    Sarah suggested that I read the Choosing Forgiveness book by Nancy Lee Demoss. It's so hard reading it, and really challenging, and then when God wipes your friend away, where there's no contact whatsoever, is even harder! At this point, God's made it clear that no on him.

    It's so hard, and painful, mostly because I really liked him a lot, and still do, ever since I met him as a Freshmen in high-school! It's hard letting go, all the other guys I've liked, it's been extremely easy!

    But why does God do that? The message my brother encourage me to send to him was: ask him what he thought about us being reunited after 7 years?

    OFten times I feel the same way, God keeps saying no, I know I"m not ready for a relationship, but why does keep doing that? I don't understand why GOd would bring my friend back in my life, and then no communication at all. I could cry, but God is sovereign. It's not like getting engage like Lindsey's story!

    I couldn't imagine that. Sometimes I wonder, am I doing something wrong? But I know that's not true! I could use prayers for peace, and healing and be quiet and still no matter what the out-come is! :)

    I do long to be married one day
    Jocelyn Zimmerman
    Re:
    on Thursday, November 29, 2012 at 8:25 pm
    I can relate to this with my dad because I can say that I never saw the good side of dad until this month at thanksgiving day. I always remember my dad as not so good dad that others would have wanted from him. I can say that it took me this year over a holiday to call my dad up tell him how wrong I was. I told him that no matter wut y did I will always l love him. I can say that I finally say the light and with god all things are possible.
    Sarah, with the LYWB team
    @C.Jazzy...
    on Thursday, November 29, 2012 at 11:38 pm
    My heart goes out to you, C.Jazzy. I know it hurt when your friend took down the pictures. You can't look back and continue to question yourself. That will drive you crazy.You must now look to the future.

    When you "blame" God for "taking" your friend and "why does He keep doing that" then you take away the One whom you can trust, whom you can let your heart rest in. Your friend is making the choices. Yes, God is sovereign and could change it, but He doesn't often do that--He lets people make choices.

    I long for you to know the goodness of God and the grace He can pour out on a situation when you bring your hurt to Him and trust Him to help you, and trust Him to work all things together for good (Rom. 8:28). Follow His Word, C.Jazzy, and live for today, with your past under His faithful hand, His forgiveness worked through you to give you freedom, and His power to give you a future and a hope (Jer. 29:11). He says in that verse that His plans for your future are for good! BELIEVE HIM! Let the past go. That's why I suggested the book. It will tell you just how you can do that! Press the delete button on the past and look for God's good and gracious work in your life! He offers it; I pray you will take hold of it and live a life of joy and freedom. That I am praying for you this night. God bless you, dear sweet one.
    Carrie, with the LYWB team
    @ kk
    on Friday, November 30, 2012 at 5:59 am
    I am sorry for the pain you have experienced, kk. If you have been physically or sexually violated you need to talk with your pastor, pastor's wife, school counselor or a biblical counselor in your area to get the help you need to work through the wrong committed against you. Please keep seeking that help, friend. You may search for a biblical counselor in your area at www.Nanc.org.

    I am praying for you tonight, friend.
    Last Edit: on Friday, November 30, 2012 at 6:01am by cgaul  
    C.Jazzy 101
    To Sarah: From Christa
    on Friday, November 30, 2012 at 10:12 am
    Hi Sarah!
    Thank-you so much! I really appreciate it, at first I was in denial, and then I cried my tears, and yes, as a matter of fact I'm reading through my book. My Mom got it for me!
    Thank-you, I've decided to lay my friend at the feet of Jesus, it's so hard. I started to ask God why did you let this happen? Only God knows.

    I'll look up the verse. It hurts I'm not going to lie, and now I regret sending him that small message, asking him what he thought. Of us being reunited after 7 years. I guess that means to focus on God even more! I could use prayers for peace, and continue to perservere in healing! Thank-you for caring! :)
    Daughter of the King
    re
    on Sunday, December 2, 2012 at 2:08 am
    Thanks this really helped. A guy i know was leading me on than dropped me like a hot potatoe. Now he is back just as filrty as before. He doesnt understand why i am upset with him. Are guys really this clueless? Any help?
    Lorree, with the LYWB team
    @ Daughter of the King
    on Monday, December 3, 2012 at 4:14 pm
    Sad to say, some of us, not only guys, are clueless about how our actions hurt and impact others. I encourage you to forgive this guy for the way he has hurt you, but to be cautious about a relationship with him in the future. His actions have demonstrated his heart and unless there is a drastic change in his behavior, you would do better to wait for someone who demonstrates more godly character. Check out Jeremiah Canfield’s blog on this:

    http://www.liesyoungwomenbelieve.com/index.php?id=1848

    Praying for you, sweet friend!
    Sarah, with the LYWB team
    @Christa...
    on Monday, December 3, 2012 at 11:32 pm
    I have prayed for you tonight--asking God to grant you peace--a peace that comes from the Prince of Peace. Only He can heal a hurting soul--and He promises to do just that! You can trust Him! "The Lord is near the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit." (Ps. 34:18)

    Seeking His grace and peace for you this night!
    Daughter of the King
    Re: Lorree
    on Tuesday, December 4, 2012 at 11:20 pm
    Thanks for the great advice! i in my heart have forgiven him and am VERY cautious around him. To this day he is all sweet with me and i am kind back but not in a i like you kind of way. Thanks again!
    Believer
    <3
    on Sunday, December 23, 2012 at 5:16 pm
    Wow this has hit me so deep. I have been struggling for so long to forgive my father. I didnt want to forgive him. He never once asked for my forgiveness, he never even acknowledged his mistakes. Today I broke down to the lord , and I felt this strong need to let that go , and forgive him. I was begging for the lords forgiveness, after i knew i had to Forgive my father. For so long i just thought "i dont need him i have God and a father figure in my life" Regardless of his mistakes , he is my father . God had a plan for him to be my father. This isnt easy but everyday i will put my all in letting go.... Not just for him... but for me. & my walk with my heavenly father
    Carrie, with the LYWB team
    @Believer
    on Friday, December 28, 2012 at 9:13 pm
    Praise ye the LORD, my friend! Oh, how we are rejoicing tonight that you have been set free from the chains of unforgiveness! Thank you for letting us know; I’m praying Psalm 40:1-4 for you tonight!

    “I waited patiently for the LORD: He inclined to me, and heard my cry. He brought me up out of the pit of destruction, out of the miry clay; and He set my feet upon a rock making my footsteps firm. He put a new song in my mouth, a song of praise to our God; many will see and fear and will trust in the Lord. How blessed is the man who has made the LORD his trust (Psalm 40:1-4).”
    heaven
    Re:
    on Thursday, February 14, 2013 at 9:09 pm
    it is hard to forgive someone that hurt you. and i know this first hand. i feel as if it should not happen but it does. i have to deal with this every day. it hurts to talk about it.
    Cat
    To much to forget and forgive
    on Friday, February 15, 2013 at 9:36 pm
    I have been hurt by so many guys in ways that are to embarrassing to admit. I have been hurt to a point that all guys are shallow and jerks. What do I do to let all that go if they just make it worse ever single time I see them? :,(
    Lorree, with the LYWB team
    @ Cat
    on Monday, February 18, 2013 at 12:10 pm
    The best thing you can do, Cat, is to choose to forgive the guys who have hurt you. It might help to actually write out the ways you have been hurt. Then go through line by line and forgive each one. When you have gone completely through the list, destroy it. It’s gone.

    When you see the buys and all your feelings come to the surface, choose to forgive them again – remind yourself that you have forgiven them – that it is gone. And then choose to pray for them. Ask God to change their hearts; give them a heart for Him; grow them in their leadership skills; teach them how to put others needs above their own. As Erin says above:

    “If you want to be free from your distrust of guys, stop looking to the men to change. It's not your job to hold their feet to the fire to be more like Christ. That's God's job! If you've been hurt, your job is to forgive and to refuse to put up with bitterness.”

    I’m praying for you, Cat, and asking God to free you from the prison of bitterness, give you the desire and courage to forgive and forgive and forgive in the same way that Christ forgives you (Eph. 4:32) as you walk in obedience to God.
    Jenna
    Been hurt by my best guy friend
    on Friday, February 22, 2013 at 2:30 pm
    I've been hurt by my best guy friend just recently.. We like each other. For me, I wasn't ready to be in a relationship just yet, but I really wanted to be with him (strange, I know). For him, same as me, maybe not as much I guess. I mean, yeah, he liked me a lot, but didn't want anything to happen with us just yet. I guess because he wasn't sure if it would last or not, I don't know.

    I still remember everything he said when he told me he liked me (girl's memory about a guy never fades!). He wasn't very good at spelling (still isn't lol) and we were texting and he said "I staring to fall for u." That hit me like a ton of bricks, honestly. I told him that I still liked him (he kinda already knew about it, because I told the wrong person that I did, and they went and told him), and things were great from there on out.

    He wanted everything to be perfect between us, if we ever went out. He was going to ask my parents for permission to date me, and he didn't want a person to not know about it. He would want to tell everybody that we were dating. Which was awesome, because all of the relationships he's had in the past, he kept secret, since his parents are kind of strict about that stuff.

    I didn't realize this at the time, but I was scared of being in a relationship. I guess the commitment? I have no clue. One day, when we were all out my church building helping out with a spaghetti dinner fundraiser, all the teens were upstairs in the auditorium listening to music (we kinda took over the sound room xD). West Virginia is obviously one of the hillbilly states, so all we listened to was country. And Denver (the guy that I like) played Luke Bryan's "Drunk on You," a love song. He texted me saying, "This song's for you." I didn't know what to say, and this was the worst thing for me to say. All I said was "Aww really?" From that point, he kind of distanced himself from me. Didn't act as if he liked me very much. Finally, after many weeks, I talked to him about why I was acting scared. I told him straight up, that I wasn't ready for a relationship at all. He was soo understanding about it!

    Because he told me that he felt the same way (maybe not as much as I did), and he wasn't really sure how much feelings he had for me, and he didn't want to lead me on. So he didn't lead me on from that point.

    But than last Thursday (a.k.a Valentine's Day)... Everything was just crushed for me. ALL the teens were at the preacher's house for a sleepover. We were going to Winterfest the next day, and had to be up at 5:00 am, so we just ended up staying at their house for the night, so that our parents didn't have to wake up that early. Soo we were having fun and stuff. Until one of my friends, Alesha started flirting with Denver. And he started flirting back. She claims she wasn't flirting, but everybody could tell she was. I mean, everybodyy!

    Denver didn't talk to me at all. Literally, like not even once that night. It was all about the other girl. So I didn't really make any effort to talk to anybody about it except my best friend Krista and her boyfriend Sean. They took me outside to talk to me, and Sean was straight up, blunt honest with me. He went right ahead and told me that I was wasting my time with Denver, because he wasn't gonna be fully mature for a couple years (Me and Denver are only fourteen). I guess everything made sense with Denver when Sean said what he said. I knew Sean was right.. Then Krista had told me that it looked like to her, Alesha was only flirting with Denver to hurt me (who knows why).

    So I still didn't talk to anybody that night. I was mad at Alesha for doing what she was doing, and same for Denver. Then the next day, when we were all driving up to Tennessee for Winterfest, (8 hour drive, one of the worst hours of my life, I might say.) Alesha and Denver sat next to each other in the back, and I was sitting next to my cousin in the front. I still didn't say anything. I just sat there. I did talk to my cousin a little, trying to look cheerful enough to the point where nobody would ask me if I was okay (one of my hated questions actually). But eventually, everybody switched seats, except Denver and Alesha. Apparently, Krista and Denver were texting each other, and Denver told her that he didn't like me anymore, he liked Alesha. When Krista told me that, I wanted to go straight home. I never would have thought I could get hurt that badly in my life (I don't expect you to understand that honestly lol). I was angry, hurt and confused..

    It's been a whole week, and I haven't said a word to Denver at all. Not a word. After we got back, Sean tried to help me get over Denver, by having his brother talk to me. His brother, Jesse, apparently likes me a lot, and wants to be with me. We've been texting all week, and I met him on Wednesday. And I thought I liked him, but I really don't. I don't want to be liking any guy right now. I told Jesse that yesterday, and he said that he wasn't hurt by it, and that he'll just wait for me. But Krista and Sean were with him at the time, and he was hurt pretty badly. So now they're kind of mad at me.. I didn't want to hurt him, that was the last thing I wanted to do. I just want to be friends with Jesse, that's it. Nothing else. I don't think anybody understands it from my point of view.

    I really want to talk to somebody about what happened with Jesse, but if I do with Krista, she'll probably get mad at me somehow. Usually.. if I can't talk to Krista about something, I went to Denver. But I'm trying to get over him, so how can I talk to him??

    Sorry for the long story.. I couldn't put in simple sentences lol.
    emily
    Re:
    on Saturday, February 23, 2013 at 7:12 pm
    I just recently was in a relationship.... well I thought I was. with a older guy than no1 around me approved of. and I hid it from my parents well he pretty much lied to me and I never knew he could be like that I have forgiven him and me n him started ging down the wrong path. but my parents found out before it could get any worse. he manipulated me but I forgave him and I will always love him but luckiky even tho I'm hurt I don't have to deal with sinning against God anymore
    emily
    Re:
    on Saturday, February 23, 2013 at 8:04 pm
    jenna I actually understand where u r coming from!!!
    Sarah, with the LYWB team
    @Jenna...
    on Monday, February 25, 2013 at 12:24 am
    These relationship issues can be so painful. Bless your heart, Jenna. Consider talking with your pastor's wife and asking her to help you know how to handle talking with those involved. An adult's perspective is sometimes very helpful to see things clearly. Also, talking with your mom and hearing her words of wisdom takes some of the sting out.

    When you find yourself confused and hurt, consider finding time each evening for a couple of weeks, to read out of Psalm 139 in a modern translation (as listed below). You are wise to stay out of a "relationship" in these early teen years. Let the Lord grow you into maturity in Christ. Put your focus on Him and the "group" when you are at church. This will bless you, and bless the Lord in return. And it will make you a sweet witness of the Lord and His grace and goodness.

    "O LORD, you have examined my heart and know everything about me. You know when I sit down or stand up. You know my thoughts even when I’m far away. You see me when I travel and when I rest at home. You know everything I do. You know what I am going to say even before I say it, LORD. You go before me and follow me. You place your hand of blessing on my head. Such knowledge is too wonderful for me, too great for me to understand! I can never escape from your Spirit! I can never get away from your presence! If I go up to heaven, you are there; if I go down to the grave, you are there. If I ride the wings of the morning, if I dwell by the farthest oceans, even there Your hand will guide me, and Your strength will support me. I could ask the darkness to hide me and the light around me to become night— but even in darkness I cannot hide from You. To You the night shines as bright as day. Darkness and light are the same to you. You made all the delicate, inner parts of my body and knit me together in my mother’s womb. Thank You for making me so wonderfully complex! Your workmanship is marvelous—how well I know it. You watched me as I was being formed in utter seclusion, as I was woven together in the dark of the womb. You saw me before I was born. Every day of my life was recorded in Your book. Every moment was laid out before a single day had passed. How precious are Your thoughts about me, O God. They cannot be numbered! I can’t even count them; they outnumber the grains of sand! And when I wake up, You are still with me! ... Search me, O God, and know my heart; Point out anything in me that offends you, and lead me along the path of everlasting life." (From Psalm 139)
    Mariah
    Thank you Erin!
    on Wednesday, February 27, 2013 at 3:37 pm
    This helped me a lot, because I am dealing with what you described in this post. Now I think that I am more willing to forgive, thank you so much!
    Sophie
    This is hard...
    on Monday, March 18, 2013 at 12:23 pm
    I have just gone through a breakup a few months ago. The man who broke up with me never really gave me a sincere apology until recently. I forgave him and h feels badly for what he has done. we still love eachother and we are still friends, but we are not planning on being boyfriend girlfriend again. It was very hard to frogive him at first. I felt very angry towards him, but then i realized that i needed to let it go and forgive just as God forgavde me.
    Lauren
    Jenna
    on Monday, March 25, 2013 at 12:02 am
    Hey girl!! Funny thing, I have been almost in the EXACT spot!! I had a guy who was pretty much my bestie (you can read about it here...http://www.liesyoungwomenbelieve.com/index.php?id=1932 It's labeled "couriosity" about the 17th post), and he "dumped" me too...

    It is hard for me to let him go, but I know what patience will prevail. My encouragement to you is to forget about guys (in a dating sense....they're GREAT friends to have!!), and work on your Faith, Growth as a Christian Young Woman, and schoolwork (I know....boring schoolwork...). God has a plan for you! Don't try to get ahead, because you will always fall into the pit ahead of you. He knows when you will find the "right guy", what his name is, and WILL TELL you when you need to proceed with the relationship!

    I hope this helps you to trust God in your circumstance, and learn the power, and effectiveness of forgiveness.

    Love ya girly!!

    Lauren

    (oh...and this is one of my favorite verses.....Jeramiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future"
    Katie
    I want to forgive but I don't
    on Saturday, April 27, 2013 at 3:03 am
    Hi so I'm trying to fogive my dad he's been getting better but like i know he loves me but then when he gets home from work i feel like its WWIII in our house mostly yelling and anger ive been trying to give all my anger up to God but the next thing i know i have hatred twards my dad is there some way that i can try to controll my anger and hatred twards my dad?
    Lorree, with the LYWB team
    @ Katie
    on Monday, April 29, 2013 at 2:41 pm
    Oh, Katie! I am so proud of you! You are doing the right thing to be forgiving your dad over and over and over again. I hope you are praying for him, as well!

    I’m so excited to tell you that Revive Our Hearts started a series today with Dr. Paul David Tripp on the topic of anger. He will share about why we get angry and how to handle and work through our anger over the next couple of days. Would you take the time each day to listen to the broadcast and spend time with God in prayer about your feelings about your dad? I’ve prayed for you today and asked God to use Dr. Tripp’s words to open your eyes to the root cause of your anger and show the way to work through it and deepen your love and concern for your day. You can find the first day of the series here:
    https://www.reviveourhearts.com/radio/revive-our-hearts/when-good-things-become-too-important/
    Rachael-Firefly
    Re:
    on Sunday, May 5, 2013 at 10:50 am
    Along this topic of forgiving him when he won't admit to his mistakes...

    I've been in a relationship since July 12 of 2012, which was my 17th birthday.

    Previously to this relationship, I had been in a relationship in which the young man I was with felt it necessary to do "things" with me because he was younger and wanted to be the man of the relationship. This led to hatred in between us, and when I finally left him, I swore never to date again until God brought the right guy into my life and made it obvious. I became very lonely; I was struggling with the physical after affects of the above mentioned relationship-and the spiritual. I knew that I had given the guy I was with too much; we'd not had sex but it had been pretty bad.

    My brother and I sat down and prayed that God would bring a Godly guy into my life. Shortly afterwards, God did just that. My mother, who has been serious that I would not date until I was ninety, saw one of my brother's friends walk into the house and said "That young man is son in law material; I have a strong feeling he will be my son-in-law one day". I was shocked. I had had feelings for this guy for almost a year, but always saw him as too busy to want a girlfriend. He and I had been friends for almost two years, but we had not really known each other outside of school lunch. We began talking and texting, getting to know one another. He asked me to be his girlfriend on my 17th birthday, and after hearing both of my parents and my brother support him, I said yes.

    It has been the longest, most fruitful, most healing and loving relationship I've ever been in, until the past three months. I feel that God is convicting my boyfriend, in ways I can't explain, and that my boyfriend is trying to shut God out. As an effect, he lashes out at me, shuts me out, and pushes me away. It's no longer enough that I love him, that I'm a Christian, that I support him; because all of those things mean nothing without God.

    This past week he has said some very hurtful things and acted in a very hurtful manner, and it can be so hard to forgive him, even thugh I know I should. The Bible says that love is kind, patient, does not envy or boast...and it also says that love of all the fruits of the spirit is the greatest. Yesterday I was really struggling with how to show love and forgiveness to the man I love, in the midst of him saying some hurtful things and even asking for a break, which entails us remaining "in a relationship", according to him, but not doing anything that would even mark us as friends or acquaintances.
    Lorree, with the LYWB team
    @ Rachael-Firefly
    on Monday, May 6, 2013 at 12:49 pm
    I can tell that you have been deeply hurt by your boyfriend’s words and actions. But the right thing to do--the loving thing to do is to forgive him. Even if he never asks for it, forgiveness is always right. And then it would be good if the two of you could meet with an older, wiser adult who can help you walk through these hurtful things and guide you going forward. Working through our hurts and differences in a healthy way is an important key to a successful relationship. Is there someone you know that would meet with you and your boyfriend? I’m praying for you right now, my friend! May God pour out His grace in your heart as you work through this hurt.
    Hannah
    oh, boys..
    on Tuesday, May 21, 2013 at 6:47 pm
    This post was exactly what I needed. I have been haboring some bitterness towards an ex-boyfriend, and I knew it was wrong but it was just so hard to forgive him. It seems like every time I felt okay and every time I stopped hurting (which only happened via lots of prayer, bible study, and God-time) I would run into him and he would say something hurtful again. I finally forgave him for good, and we're good friends now. I'm trying to lead him to God (with God's help, of course :).

    The bitterness and hurt I felt and dealt with as a result of my relationship with him and the things I allowed to happen without that relationship spurred me to rededicate my life to God, as well as decide on some new dating rules for myself!
    1) No dating until I'm out of high school!
    2) No dating anyone I wouldn't marry.
    3) No kissing. (For purity protection :)
    4) Stay public! (Again, for purity protection)

    Of course, not a month after I made all these promises to myself, a great guy comes along. We were just very good friends at first. But then he told me he liked me. I've always had an issue with keeping promises to myself when someone gives me a reason to break them.. For two months, I held my own. I told him I was not in a place where I thought dating was a good idea and I told him I had recently gotten out of a bad relationship. He took this to mean I didn't want to date until I got over the hurt from my old relationship. One day, he asked me how things were with me. I asked what he meant. "You know, with getting over *ex-boyfriend*?" I responded that I was over him. I had forgiven him. I was moving on from that. He took this to mean I was okay to be in a relationship. He asked me to be his girlfriend later that night (we were watching movies at a mutual friend's house). It was so romantic and there was a bunch of people there. I felt like I couldn't say no.

    Now I know that it would have been easier on both of us if I had said no then instead of having to do it now. We're been "together" for almost a month. I wish I would've said no then, because I KNOW that this isn't what God has in his plan for me. Please pray for me, and if you have any advice, I would much appreciate it. I hate to hurt him, but I have to end this. I need to figure out how.. Help?
    artemis martinez
    forgiveness....so difficult
    on Friday, July 5, 2013 at 2:01 pm
    This is hitting me hard, because i thought years ago i had forgiven my ex husband for the terrible pain he caused and then my ex boyfriend, tow men who broke my heart and hurt me deeply..I feel that God is working in me showing me that i should not be looking because both times i have been with non believers and now i am learning what a christian man is suppose to be like..but i ask for prayer because the lonelyness i felt when i was married and then after my divorce has only gotten bigger...i feel such a deep pain in my heart of longing to have someone who would love me back, i always gave my love and it has been thrown away, i am trying so hard not to hate not to have bitterness towards the men who have destroyed my heart..My loneliness runs do deep that i cant go to weddings because i cry in pain seeing i dont have that love, valentines day is very painful for me. I have tried in the past to not deal with this pain but i am seeing that i need to deal with it and trust God that he will heal me completely and bring me the man he as for me and my children.
    Carrie, with the LYWB team
    @artemis martinez
    on Monday, July 8, 2013 at 7:34 pm
    I’m sorry for the heartache and suffering you have known, artemis. The journey of healing and wholeness does indeed include forgiveness. Forgiveness is choosing to entrust what has happened to the One who is sovereign and not only has the right to avenge, but has the power to work all things together for good – if we will trust Him. It is agreeing to live with the consequences of another person’s sin. Forgiveness is always costly. But the reality is we will live with the consequences of sin committed against us whether we want to or not; our only choice is whether to do so in bitterness and unforgiveness or in the freedom forgiveness brings.
    Nancy Leigh DeMoss often says, “Remember: Letting the offender off of your hook, does not mean they are off of God’s hook. Forgiveness involves transferring the prisoner over to the One who is able and responsible to mete out justice. It relieves us of the burden and responsibility to hold them in prison ourselves.
    If you will contact me at info@reviveourhearts.com I’ll be happy to connect you with a resource that will help you in this process of forgiveness and repentance, artemis.
    Praying tonight that the Savior will bring healing and wholeness to your heart in the days ahead.

    Grace and peace,
    Carrie
    l
    Re:
    on Wednesday, August 7, 2013 at 4:53 am
    I had never had a fiance before and when i finally got one i thought he was the right one.while dating he told me he had intentions of marrying me and i even told my mum and sister about it.He met my sister, and his pastor met my mum to discuss about our relationship.We even prepared a wedding budget that we had not yet given out to others and had even suggested the month in which the wedding would take place.But during the relationship i felt like it was me who did most of the texting and calling.I began doubting this guy's love for me and thought he was just in it to please his pastor(through whom i met the guy). I would always buy him gifts but he would only buy or give me something when i told him to. I really loved him and did my best to see that the relationship worked out.He called off the relationship giving false excuses that he had failed to meet the standard of my family and that we should just be friends and that he wished me the best with whoever i'd marry if future.I was so so hurt and felt that he had trashed and thrown away the love and time i had invested in that relationship and even changed my contacts. I am not sure that I've forgiven him because however much I listen to the preaching on forgiveness and think that i have forgiven him, the thoughts and hurt always come back
    Carrie, with the LYWB team
    @l
    on Tuesday, August 13, 2013 at 10:18 am
    I’m sorry for the pain you have experienced, friend. It’s good you are taking steps of forgiving the hurt that’s resulted from this relationship. Bitterness and unforgiveness are toxic to our souls and will affect our relationship with God and with others.

    In her book, Choosing Forgiveness, Nancy DeMoss mentions that forgiveness is not forgetting. It is a transaction in which we release the one indebted to us from the obligation to repay their debt. Hebrews 10:17 says, “And their sins and their lawless deeds I will remember no more”. An omniscient God cannot forget. But He does promise not to “remember our sins” or to hold them against us.
    God does not ask us to forget the wrong that has been done to us, but simply to forgive. Forgiveness is choosing to entrust what has happened to the One who is sovereign and not only has the right to avenge, but has the power to work all things together for good – if we will trust Him. It is agreeing to live with the consequences of another person’s sin. Forgiveness is always costly. But the reality is we will live with the consequences of sin committed against us whether we want to or not; our only choice is whether to do so in bitterness and unforgiveness or in the freedom forgiveness brings.
    It may help you to remember, l, that forgiveness could be described as a “point” and a “process”. There must be a point at which you willfully choose (not based upon feelings) to extend forgiveness to this man. There will also be an on-going process of continuing to choose to forgive if/when additional memories or new offenses surface. This doesn’t mean that the “point” of forgiveness was not valid, but simply that you must continue to choose to view him in light of God’s mercy to you.
    If you would like to receive Nancy’s book to help you through this process you may email me at info@reviveourhearts.com. Include your contact information and I’ll have a copy sent to you.
    Praying this truth for you today. There is none like God, who rides through the heavens to your help, through the skies in His majesty. The eternal God is your refuge and underneath are the everlasting arms (Deut.33:26-27).
    Lexi
    Forgiveness
    on Saturday, August 17, 2013 at 1:28 pm
    Hi! I just wanted to share my experience in forgiveness. In the last 5 years, I've gone through three things that at the time I was sure I wouldn't survive or ever get over. My best friend killed herself, my other best friend decided she liked me as more than a friend and acted on it, and my boyfriend cheated on me. In front of me. It has been a long, long trip back to the surface of all of those things, but I never failed to see that even though those things are terrible and hurtful, they were things I couldn't control. And so the only thing I can control is how I feel about them. I've learned that I love my boyfriend more then I hate his mistakes, and we've moved on from that. Don't get me wrong though, just because I forgave doesn't mean I'll ever forget. And my best friend killing herself? That wasn't in my control. I can't blame myself, or her, for sinning. I know she's with The Lord, she was a prime example on how to live your life for The Lord. I guess she just got lost. And lastly, my friend was bi sexual. But I didn't judge her for that, because it's not my place too. I told her secrets and she knows things about me that I don't think many other people do. But she grew attached to me in a way that I became very uncomfortable with. She may as well have decided we were dating because that's how she treated me, but I have a boyfriend. I had to forgive her because she over stepped her boundaries and made me as vulnerable as I've ever been. I just felt like I needed to share this to tell everyone that through all of this, I've forgive all of it. And I've grown closer to The Lord. God bless y'all!
    Sarah, with the LYWB team
    @Lexi...
    on Tuesday, August 20, 2013 at 11:44 pm
    Thank you for sharing the ways you have experienced forgiveness. We are grateful the Lord has kept your heart from bitterness in each of these situations. We are proud of you for your obedience to look to God and His ways. You are so right; when we forgive, we are drawn closer to the Lord. God bless you, Lexi.

    "LORD, I seek refuge in You; let me never be disgraced. Save me by Your righteousness. He loves righteousness and justice; the earth is full of the LORD’s unfailing love." (Psalm 31:1; 33:5)
    Grace
    Dealing with friends
    on Thursday, November 14, 2013 at 3:55 pm
    This article was very helpful. I have a friend who I fell out with sometime ago because I told her she had been doing things that hurt me, and she was mad at me for that. But this article has helped me see the importance of forgiving her though she has made no effort to apologize.

    She was mad at me for not telling her that she had really hurt me sometime back, that was why I was not close to her. I tolde her via instant message. (at the time I wasn't able to call). She got soo mad at me that she did not talk to me from then on. I sent a e-greeting card with an apology in it, messages, tried to call her but she did not want to speak to me and hasn't for a long while now. Many times I feel guilty that perhaps my apologies weren't good enough and perhaps they needed to be longer, more eloquent (etc).

    My question is when giving an apology, does using many words,making the apology long, continual pleading and etc matter if the apology however simple, is sincere? Especially when dealing with other Christians?

    I wanted to contact her but don't know what to say as she has never apologised for hurting me and so I don't know how our friendship would continue. Should I still contact her?

    It's great reading through the comments and seeing God encourage and help you. It encourages me!
    Paris
    Choosing Forgiveness
    on Saturday, November 16, 2013 at 10:58 pm
    I'm reading the book Choosing Forgiveness by Nancy Leigh Demoss. I started it today and am already half done. It is such an amazing resource, constantly inline with and referencing God's Word. I believe it is completely going to transform my walk with Christ and the way I relate to and love those around me. Great read.
    I, too, am going through some very painful issues right now. Not really ready to talk about it yet. Heartbreaking developments with the man I planned to marry. Betrayal. You get the idea... God bless you and strengthen you on your own journeys to forgiveness and freedom in Him, know when you let your offender "off the hook", remember, you're simply handing them over to God's proverbial "hook". Give your burdens to the Lord. The one who is able to administer justice in all wisdom and holiness.
    Sarah, with the LYWB team
    @Paris...
    on Tuesday, November 19, 2013 at 12:19 pm
    Our team has prayed for you, Paris. We have thanked the Lord for His speaking to your heart through Choosing Forgivenss. We pray He will continue to give you freedom as you settle all your accounts with those you need to forgive--even the one who has betrayed you. May the God of all comfort indeed comfort you and fill the empty places of your heart with Himself! "I cling to You; Your strong right hand holds me securely." (Psalm 63:8) Lovingly...our Team
    Carrie, with the LYWB team
    @Grace
    on Thursday, November 21, 2013 at 12:37 pm
    I’m proud of you for attempting to make things right with your friend. I’m sorry she hasn’t responded to your apologies, Grace. I know that can be really hard to understand.

    Scripture talks about the importance of having a clear conscience before God and man (Acts 24:15). So when we’ve offended someone we do need to seek their forgiveness (as it sounds like you have done); doing so simply means owning our sin; taking responsibility for the unkind, harsh, critical words/actions etc.

    Seeking forgiveness doesn’t mean we plead, grovel or attempt to somehow make the other person eventually agree to forgive us. It means we talk to God first. Acknowledge our sin before Him. Thank Him for the fact that Jesus died for that sin and that it is a forgiven sin. Ask Him to help us as we go to those we’ve offended and trust that He is working even if we can’t see it right now.

    Then begin praying for your friend every day. Pray that her heart will be softened toward you and toward the Savior. Then rest knowing you have done what God asked of you, Grace. “If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone ( Romans 12:18).”

    God will work, grace. We look forward to hearing what He does!
    Grace
    Re: Dealing with friends
    on Sunday, December 1, 2013 at 3:29 pm
    Carrie thanks a lot for the advice. At times when I say sorry, though genuine, people make me feel it is not enough and that more needs to be said: the only apology they recognize is a 'perfect apology'. They pick holes at my apology and it hurts and confuses me. But I will keep praying. Thank you for the scriptures!
    Carrie, with the LYWB team
    @Grace
    on Tuesday, December 3, 2013 at 7:51 pm
    You’re welcome!

    If you get a chance listen or read through the transcript of Nancy DeMoss’ series on a Clear Conscience (http://www.reviveourhearts.com/radio/revive-our-hearts/are-you-right-god/). I think you’ll find it helpful as you express yourself to those you’you've offended.

    Blessings to you, Grace ~
    Carrie

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