Best Of: But Why Can't I Look Like Her?

Erin Davis 01/02/13 | Twitter: @ErinGraffiti
Category: Myself ; 49 comments

From the LYWB.com team: It's our fifth birthday here on the blog. To celebrate we are featuring the "best of" the blog all month. This post on comparison sure got you talking. With 106 comments, it's clear that many of us have felt the frustration that always comes with sizing other girls up.

Many of you have written that your beauty is an area where you are prone to believing lies.

Molly wrote, "Okay, well I'm tall, and I get made fun of for it and I hate it. I have to keep telling me that it is a good thing to be tall, but it is hard when everyone is two women back-to-backlaughing at you and calling you names for it. Any advice?"

Bri Anna wrote, "Well I can relate to the whole appearance/no boyfriend thing because I struggle with it myself. I have to constantly remind myself that I don't need a boyfriend and that I am beautiful just the way God made me. I am learning to accept myself for who I am and that God makes no mistakes. So anonymous . . . hold on. God loves you, and that's all that matters."

Britttney pointed out that one source of our struggle in this area is the standard of beauty we see portrayed by celebrities. She wrote, "I think that the reason girls think they are ugly and fat is because of the models and celebrities on the cover of every magazine."

We do feel the need to compare, don't we? Often that comparison leaves us feeling like we don't measure up. When we start to use others as our standard for beauty and worth, the results are often disastrous.

I bet you've played a version of the comparison game. Maybe you are constantly judging whether or not other girls are smarter than you or more popular or more athletic. Maybe you find yourself in constant competition with an older sibling or the flawless celebrities that grace every magazine cover. Maybe you're always on the lookout to see who is taller or shorter, better or worse dressed, or more or less talented than you.

The irresistible need to compare seems to be a part of our fabric as women. In fact, most girls are masters at the art of comparison. The world around us urges us on. Magazines are a paper format for comparison. For around $4 an issue you can see who is better or worse dressed than whom, who is fatter or skinner than the noteworthy stars around them, or how celebrity marriages stack up to the competition. You can take quizzes to see how smart, funny, or romantic you are. But the question is, compared to whom? And while it's true that we all compare, most of us have noticed that it leaves us feeling unsatisfied . . . or worse. Often times, our comparisons leave us deeply wounded. Playing the comparison game is a dangerous trap.

This trap has been carefully set by our enemy. He knows that comparing ourselves with others leads to feelings of discouragement, inadequacy, and jealousy. He knows that if he can turn our focus toward those around us, he can easily distract us from the standards of God. One of the most powerful weapons in his arsenal is the sense that we are alone in these feelings. That we are the only one reacting this way. That no one else feels like they just can't seem to measure up. Let's face that lie right here together. Our need to compare wasn't born in the twenty-first century. It isn't simply a result of media that pushes a version of beauty that is impossible to obtain. The enemy has been setting this trap since the beginning. A return back to God's Word shows us that many have been ensnared, often with terrible results. But once again we see that the keys to these chains come from God's truth.

If we head back to the Garden, we find Satan up to the same old tricks. The snake slithered in and convinced Eve to start comparing herself to others, specifically to God. This was dangerous indeed.

"You will not surely die," the serpent said to the woman. "For God knows that when you eat of it your eyes will be opened, and you will be like God, knowing good and evil" (Gen. 3:4–5).

"You will be like God." "What you are isn't good enough." "You need to be more like someone else." These are the foundations of this lie. Eve had all she needed but as she looked around and noticed that God possessed knowledge that she did not, she let her heart play the comparison game and a nibble of sin followed shortly after.  

Why is comparison destructive? Why would Satan tempt us to compare ourselves to others? The answer is clear when we study the results. In every single story of comparison in the Bible, comparison led to a focus on the wrong standard. Eve let a serpent define what was good for her instead of trusting God's standard for what was best. The results were immediate and painful. She lost her home in the garden. She lost her intimacy with God. She scarred her legacy.

Her son made a similar choice. Cain forgot to be grateful for the favor he did receive from God and focused on what he thought he was missing. He lost control. He sinned. He lost his brother. Sarai put her hope in what she could create. Instead of resting on the promise of God, she tried to grab good things for herself. God's standard for her life was better, his promises were enough, but comparisons muddied the waters. God's blessings on King Saul's life were many. Instead of being grateful, he was jealous. In the end, it led to destruction. Jesus had enough love and purpose and ministry for all twelve disciples, but they wanted to establish a pecking order. They set out to outdo each other and forgot to focus on pleasing their Lord.

When we compare ourselves to siblings, to friends, to celebrities, the results are the same. God is our standard. He is our Creator and His affirmation of our value is worth more than riches untold. When we seek the applause of man, instead of Him, we are focusing on the wrong standard and settling for a cheap substitute.

Note: Portions of this blog come from Erin's book Graffiti: Learning to See the Art in Ourselves.

Comments

HEY, GIRLS! We love hearing from you, but feel limited in the ways we can help. For one thing, we’re not trained counselors. If you’re seeking counsel, we encourage you to talk to your pastor or a godly woman in your life as they’ll know more details and can provide you with ongoing accountability and help. Also, the following comments do not necessarily reflect the views of Revive Our Hearts. We reserve the right to remove comments which might be unhelpful, unsuitable, or inappropriate.

    His Love Never Fails
    We Are Human
    on Wednesday, January 2, 2013 at 1:22 am
    This describes what is going on in my life!
    I have been thinking and feeling these same things. I am a musician, but I've always felt like my older brother was better than me and I had to do whatever I could to beat him out. I've come to realize that if I spend all my time trying to be as good as him, I will miss out on the special things God has for me.

    I confess that I have also been struggling with thinking other are better than me, or I am better than others. But every time, I tell myself that it is the inside that really matters, because if your heart is beautiful, your face will be radiant. Sometimes that doesn't help though and I feel prideful. Then I realize I am not better than anyone, simply because I am human.

    But every person is the way they are, different than the next, because of God's unique plan for them. My mind goes to Esther. Her beauty was part of God's awesome plan. This gives me comfort.
    Lynn
    Thanks!!
    on Wednesday, January 2, 2013 at 1:35 am
    Wow.... This is sooooooo encouraging to let the burden of trying to compare yourself go and be free to accept God's never ending love :) thanks again..... This year I want to personally try to NOT compare myself and get my thoughts focussed on God!
    Grace
    Be You!
    on Wednesday, January 2, 2013 at 1:41 am
    I've been coming to this blog site ever since my mother gave me the book and the guide book and when I found the internet site after I finished I was ecstatic!

    I have to say that I agree with what you have written. In this day and age we are looking for some sort of gratification that we are better or add up to someone else. But what we forget is that each of us have our fault, yes, and our own issues. But what we need to remember is that in the Bible in Psalms 139:14 it reads " I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful. I know that full well. What I wish for every girl to know is that if you were not the way you are you would not be you! And if we were all alike there would be no uniqueness around us. And God wants you to be the best version of yourself in body, spirit, mind and emotionally! So instead of comparing your self to others and looking down on yourself take that negative thought you were going to have and stop yourself and make it positive. If you find yourself criticizing others stop and remember they are Gods creation also!
    This year learn to love yourself so that you can show the same Godly love to others!
    Cat
    Being the Newbie
    on Wednesday, January 2, 2013 at 3:17 am
    Wow, what a coincidence...or rather, a God thing! My mom was just telling me earlier today that I have trouble being satisfied because of comparing things too much. She was talking about my expectations for how to spend New Years, but this opens my eyes even more to my problem!
    Right now, I'm new to a school (new to the whole country actually) and I keep comparing myself to the locals and just how established they are in school and how many more friends they have, how many more activities they're involved in (I feel like they're more talented then me cuz I haven't made anything I tried out for.)
    I need to accept that God wants me at this new school as a newbie right now, and there's a reason I haven't grown up in the same school system all my life. There's a reason I keep moving around & having to start from scratch. I don't know why exactly, but I do know God's shaping me into who wants me to be. Maybe it's not the popular girl, star of the school play, point guard on the bball team & student council rep, but that's alright. I've got to trust Him. He sees the bigger picture and He created it. He's God after all, He knows what He's doing.
    Girlie girl
    Need help with pride!!
    on Wednesday, January 2, 2013 at 6:26 am
    Hi,
    I have a problem that is kinda the opposite of what the post is. I don't have trouble feeling beautiful. But instead people keep telling my I am beautiful and I am struggling with pride and thoughts that 'i am better they everyone else'. Any Ideas on how to help my pride? Thanks :)
    just me
    thank you!
    on Wednesday, January 2, 2013 at 7:05 am
    so true... i have really been struggling with this a lot lately. I am constantly thinking whos better looking and whose worse looking and trying to establish in my mind the 'order' and hoping i dont end up at the bottom. it's horrible, i know. I feel like whenever I am with friends who i know are more pretty than me and get more attention, i resent them for that. but they cant help it! It's such a jumble. why is it so hard not to compare??
    Quinn P.
    Lone ranger.
    on Wednesday, January 2, 2013 at 9:56 am
    Me and my sis really like drawing and running around. She is the faster one and I am slower. When she shows her new drawings to our families she gets TONS of praise and I only get a. " good job." It gets me down. Any advice?
    Heidi
    Secret Keeper
    on Wednesday, January 2, 2013 at 11:11 am
    I just read Dannah Gresh's book Secret Keeper. There's a verse in there that says that God is enthralled by our beauty. I often struggle with thinking I'm ugly, but I just try to remember that verse.
    Lydia
    Also need help with pride
    on Wednesday, January 2, 2013 at 12:40 pm
    I have kinda the same problem as Girlie Girl. I am extremely confident in myself and trust that God will bring me a time to change the world, but I sometimes forget that God is behind it. I keep telling myself that I'm not being prideful, but I am getting a little worried about it.
    Stephanie
    Re:
    on Wednesday, January 2, 2013 at 12:44 pm
    Thanks for the encouragement i needed this. I didnt start realizing how important looks were until i went to highschool and got teased people called me ugly, deformed, etc. i know their just words they still hurt i didnt realize the value in my looks until people made me feel not good enough
    i needed this reminder its something i struggle with daily
    Anonymous
    Re:
    on Wednesday, January 2, 2013 at 12:55 pm
    Thank you sooo much! This blog was just what i needed! I have a HUGE problem with worrying about how i look and what other people think of me like about wht i'm wearing. I hate to say it, but i'm most self concious when i'm at church. there are some gorgeous girls there and i can't help but compare them to me and think about if i could look like them. and hope they don't think i look like a complete idiot. But anyway thanks so much for this blog! And please pray for me!
    Love y'all!
    Mist
    God is working on my heart.....
    on Wednesday, January 2, 2013 at 3:28 pm
    I have always been super down on how I look.
    I feel less then everyone and I don't think Im worth much. I was to be married to this "wonderful guy" who wanted to be a pastor. My hopes and dreams of serving the Lord and raising a family were coming together. But then one day he left without saying good bye. The hurt it left was to much to bear. I was even told by other family members that I should lose weight and learn how to do my make up better...aka I was not pretty. And then to make matters worse I was in a bad car wreck and was told I might never have a baby. My heart was broke. I thought I was the worst girl ever.
    How would a guy ever love me. I looked at other girls all the time and thought of how pretty they were and how ugly i was.

    It was not easy and its a really long story...but God is changing my heart. I talked with my mom. I prayed and im trusting God that he will take care of me.
    There are still times I strugle....im not going to lie. But when I do I have to remember to pray.
    Just the other day I was at the pastors house for a youth Christmas get together. and he wanted everyone together for a picture. Now thats one thing that freaks me out the most. To tell you a truth thats one of my bigest fears. I dont want to see myself. But the pastors wife got me to do it and on top of that they got me to go and and sing with the group on sunday morning in front of church! It was nerve wracking to say the least, but the pastor stood right by me and I had peace knowing that others believe in me.
    The bigest thing us chicas need to do is to tell someone how you feel.
    And trust your parents with your thoughts. Even tho its hard to tell them, you need to.
    Erin from the LYWB blog had to tell me that almost a million times before I did. I wish I would have done it the first time.
    God made us the way we are. We are princess in his eyes! just like my pastor told me...
    We are fearfully and wonderfully made!
    If we believe in the Bible....Then we must BELIEVE WE ARE LOVELY!!!!
    naty
    i strugle with my appearance
    on Wednesday, January 2, 2013 at 4:53 pm
    i so sorry MIST for your experience it made me drop a tear. i have been strugling my hole lief with my appearance. specially snce i got married, my husband had a bad story and that made me feel even worst abour who i was, and that he would like more this fake ladys, he have shanged by the grace of God and have become a different man price the Lord but my wounds and the fear of the past and the fear to be little pretty for him, is horrible i feel so insecure. i want to be free!!, i am beautiful and my husband says always noone else is pretty for Him but me. but the fear consume me. i want to be free and understand that no one can look like me and that we are all pretty in our own beauty and that god made us unique, but i really strugle. sisters please pray for me. for me to understand that the past is gone and how much i worth in the eyes of God and my husband and myself.
    Love<3
    Not worth it
    on Wednesday, January 2, 2013 at 5:13 pm
    People-pleasing and comparing myself to other people is not worth it. I daily struggle with this, but I have never seen good come out of it. It only rips me apart inside and causes more problems. It is not a good direction to go. Our worth is found in Christ alone.
    Lorree, with the LYWB team
    @ Anonymous
    on Wednesday, January 2, 2013 at 5:31 pm
    Thanks for your honesty, my friend. Did you know that Jesus addresses worrying about what we wear and other things in Matthew 6:25-34? Will you take time tonight to read and pray through that passage? Our outward beauty is fleeting but the beauty that pleases the Lord is our inward heart beauty. I’m praying that you will choose not to compare yourself with the girls around you but instead focus on your relationship with the Lord and choose to be thankful that He created you just as you are and loves you just as you are.
    Lorree, with the LYWB team
    @ Blue
    on Wednesday, January 2, 2013 at 5:35 pm
    Those are fantastic goals, Blue! God wants you to have and abundant life – one full of His joy. I’m joining you in praying that you will be consistent in your relationship with God, that you will be courageous and not fearful this year (Josh. 1:9) and that God will direct you to friends who will encourage you to grow in your walk with the Lord. You go, girl!!!
    mist
    naty
    on Wednesday, January 2, 2013 at 5:54 pm
    Hey girl, I will be praying for you!
    I think the hardest thing to do is believe for yourself that your lovely! If we all could just hold true to the word of God we would be set free from this fear. The devil is a lion.....looking for a chance to jump on us in our weakness. He knows what holds us down and how to make us feel like we are nothing. But that's just not true!!!!!
    We need to take a step in faith and believe that the Lord made us wonderful and go out in His strengh and win souls for Christ!
    We are WONDERFULLY PRETTY! And we will be one heart made whole by Christ!
    Love u and praying for you!
    Lorree, with the LYWB team
    @ Girlie Girl and Lydia
    on Wednesday, January 2, 2013 at 5:57 pm
    Pride is centered in self. The opposite of pride is humility. Realizing we are nothing apart from God is key to overcoming our pride. You can ask God to show you where you are proud and when He reveals that to you, seek His forgiveness.

    I encourage you to look for the good and the beauty in others and communicate that to them. As you take your eyes off yourself and focus on God and on others, God will be able to work in your heart and create the inner beauty that is so precious to Him (1 Pet. 3:3-4).

    I’m praying for both of you right now! We all need to keep our eyes on Jesus and stay in God’s Word each and every day as a means of overcoming pride in our lives.
    SavedByGrace
    Re:Cat
    on Wednesday, January 2, 2013 at 6:30 pm
    Hey!!! I just wanted to encourage you and let you know you're not alone in all of this. I'll be praying for you. I know what it feels like to be the newbie, I moved REALLY far away, and a new school system, etc. If it helps, know that it DOES get better :) Just takes a little time, and a LOT of prayer. I have trouble comparing myself with others too, and thinking I'll never be that good, I'll never make it anywhere, etc. But I know God had a reason for moving me here, and I know the same's true for you in your situation. <3
    God Bless,
    naty
    thank you mist and al of you
    on Wednesday, January 2, 2013 at 6:33 pm
    thank you mist and all of you. your prayers are need and apreciated :)
    Madge
    Beauty?
    on Wednesday, January 2, 2013 at 6:45 pm
    i struggle with my physical appearance as much as any other teenage girl and have the same insecurities. i've never had a boyfriend, and that also drags me down mentally. but this guy and i used to be awesome friends. like, from before kindergarden until 5th grade, we were super close.
    and then he discovered that girls liked him. or he just paid more attention to that, or whatever.
    so this other girl is now his "unofficial" girlfriend. it makes me so sad now, because there is a hole in my life where he used to be. he and this other girl have gotten into some stuff that they know they shouldn't have, and claim that it's over.
    but it's not. it's so obvious.
    i am just really jealous of the way he treats that girl, i guess. he does everything with her, and now i'm just the backdrop to some kiddie play that he doesn't think is worth the time or energy.it hurts a LOT.
    i've talked with my parents about this, and we talked about how that boy has changed and how he isn't worth the time or stress. but i can't. i can't stop wondering, 'what if?'
    and the girl he hooked up with is really pretty. i think so, at least. my parents told me that i'm prettier, more feminine, but i'm like "yeah, ur my parents".
    i find myself comparing myself to her, like the clothes she wears her makeup (i don't wear any, but she wears a lot) and stuff like that.
    i know the comparison game is a bad one to play, but my best friend gave me up!
    it hurts me.
    i try so hard not to let it
    but it does
    Holly
    Re:
    on Wednesday, January 2, 2013 at 7:44 pm
    This is completely off topic but I really want to make sure it gets answered. I am really struggling with procrastinating. I am taking AP Chemistry this year which is equivalent to a college class and it is honestly causing the most stress ever! Even as I write this I should be doing book work. Any tips about procrastinating would be greatly appreciated!
    Tabby
    Really struggle with this
    on Wednesday, January 2, 2013 at 8:48 pm
    I really struggle with comparing myself to other girls. It used to mainly be about looks and who's prettier and all that, but lately it's been personality-wise. I'm a very shy person most of the time, and i get really jealous of my friends and other girls when they go and talk to other people, especially guys. And lately I got really upset because at a youth group thing with my church, this guy I really like who usually gives me a lot of attention and stuff was spending a lot of time with this other girl and I got reallu upset about it because she's really outgoing and I'm not. Please pray for me to overcome jealousy and any advice would be appreciated.
    C.Jazzy101
    Advice?
    on Wednesday, January 2, 2013 at 9:26 pm
    Thank-you so much for this wonderful post! I often compare myself to others.

    When I was in highschool guys would say: "you have the perfect body, but not the face.." I didn't know what to say and that hurt. I was like wait a minute don't yo u dare say that! I didn't like there comments.

    I get the looks but I don't appreciate them. I compare myself to others, because I have an a-cemtric crying face if that makes sense. I would always think the other girls are prettier that's why they would never want to go out with me.


    I have my own struggles, I really do. I could use some advice as well.

    I compare myself to my older siblings as well. I know I'll never be like them. It's hard, when they are smarter and I have had my own struggles in school regarding not learning things as quick as I like... :)

    This gave me more to think about!
    Thank-you! I liked this post!
    T
    "Beauty"
    on Wednesday, January 2, 2013 at 10:39 pm
    I struggle a lot with comparing myself to my younger sister. It's like she completely skipped the awkward middle school phase. She's two inches taller and twenty pounds lighter than me. I realize that we are built completely differently and I would be unhealthy if I were her weight. But she is closer to the world's standard of beauty than I am and I'm jealous. I don't like it, but when she borrows something of mine or we go shopping, it's really hard not to feel bad about myself. She's four years younger, but gets attention from guys my age. I never had low self-esteem until she blossomed, but now I'm digging myself into a hole. I don't want to be jealous and I love her to pieces. I'd appreciate any prayer you ladies can give and I will definitely be praying for all of you. We are fearfully and wonderfully made, just the way God wanted. Now we just have to believe that. I love you girls!
    T
    @Holly
    on Wednesday, January 2, 2013 at 10:45 pm
    I totally empathize with your procrastination problem. The best piece of advice I can give is GET OFF THE COMPUTER. You will never get anything done with it on. I'm assuming you don't need it to do chemistry. It is so easy to waste time online, especially when you can justify it as "good" like this site. The best thing to do is walk away from your phone, computer and anything that might distract you. If you like music while you study, I suggest something without lyrics, like classical or jazz. I hope this helps. As a college student, I can tell you that AP classes will help and procrastination kills. Good luck! Praying for you!
    Sarah, with the LYWB team
    @Madge...
    on Thursday, January 3, 2013 at 10:42 am
    I can see why that hurts. My heart goes out to you. I sure am thankful you have talked with your parents and they continue to guide your thinking back to truth! Keep talking to them...and keep listening! Yes, they are your parents, but they also have wisdom. You are a blessed young lady to have them!

    Sometimes it's helpful to write out your "hurt" in a journal. Addressing it to God and really pouring your heart out to Him seems to take the sting out. "Trust in Him at all times, O people; pour out your heart before Him; God is a refuge for us. Selah" (Ps. 62:8) I pray God will work to help you see clearly His love and devotion to you (Ps. 139:1-6).
    Sarah, with the LYWB team
    @Tabby...
    on Thursday, January 3, 2013 at 10:55 am
    I've prayed for you this morning, Tabby. Jealousy is something you will have to guard yourself against your whole life. God knew it would be our natural tendency to want what others have--He put it in the Ten Commandments so we would guard our hearts against it. Nancy DeMoss has some GREAT points about jealousy at this link: http://www.reviveourhearts.com/radio/revive-our-hearts/envy-is-your-enemy/#transcript. It might cure your "comparing" yourself to others. Envy is truly unbecoming to a Christ-follower. I'm so glad you care.
    Carrie, with the LYWB team
    @Quinn P.
    on Thursday, January 3, 2013 at 1:10 pm
    Don’t be surprised by the battle, friend. As Erin said the enemy has much to gain if he can get you to believe the lies of comparison. Make a choice, friend. Choose to believe what God’s Word says is true about you. Replace the lies of the enemy with the truths of God’s Word. Stop and thank the Lord for the way He has made you and your sister. Thank Him for the differences. Thank Him that He makes no mistakes.

    A great step would be to commit to memorizing Psalm 139 over the next several months. Verse 14 in the New Living Translation is a great way for you to praise the Lord for the ways He has made you.

    “Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex! Your workmanship is marvelous—how well I know it.”
    Lorree, with the LYWB team
    @ Holly
    on Thursday, January 3, 2013 at 2:19 pm
    Procrastination certainly does cause stress, doesn’t it, Holly! It is good for you to learn to establish priorities in your life before you hit college for all your courses. I wish that I could give you a simple “cure” for procrastination. It boils down to self-discipline—deciding what’s most important and committing to do that first. I’d challenge you to commit to pray and ask God to give you self-control in this area. He will give you wisdom and discernment in how to use your time wisely. Make sure you are giving Him time by spending time in the Word and prayer, too.

    It would be beneficial for you, Holly, to share with your parents and ask for their help in holding you accountable to doing your homework before you relax with blogs and friend connections. They can pray for you, support you, encourage you and hold you accountable to making changes in your life in this area. I’m praying for you, Holly!
    Emily
    It's such a struggle
    on Thursday, January 3, 2013 at 3:35 pm
    This is something I struggle with every single day. I'm not pretty enough. I'm not thin enough. I'm not stylish enough. I know comparision is wrong, but I find myself constantly doing it. At school, I always feel inferior cause I see girls who are pretty, thin, stylish, etc. I'm 18, I don't have a boyfriend or anyone intrested in me, and I feel like it's because I'm not good enough...like there's something wrong with me.

    Thank you so much for this timely article! Certainly something I'll be praying about!
    Lorree, with the LYWB team
    @ Naty
    on Thursday, January 3, 2013 at 3:51 pm
    I am sorry, Naty, that you are struggling because of your husband’s choices. Your husband sinned in this. But you don’t have to sin because of it. I encourage you to forgive him and tell him that. Express your need to hear from him that he sees you as beautiful. Our enemy would love to use this to bring fear and doubt into your life. It appears that is where you are right now. But God will use this to strengthen you if you will let Him.

    So I encourage you to spend much time in the word, my friend. That is where you will find the truth about how much you are loved and valued and treasured. It would help you to take the time to memorize Psalm 139 and speak those precious words to yourself when you are prone to be fearful and insecure. The truth found in God’s Word will be what will set you free.

    The beauty that is most important and most beautiful to God is the beauty of your heart (1 Pet. 3:3-4). Your relationship with God will cause your outer beauty to reflect Him to your husband and to others. I’m praying for your strength and courage to believe what God says over what your emotions say and what our enemy wants you to believe. Stay in the Word, my friend!
    Jen
    Re:
    on Thursday, January 3, 2013 at 5:37 pm
    I've been raised in a community where you are bred to be "someone" to go to an Ivy League College to be the best...
    i find myself constantly measuring who i am to others
    not only in clothes and hair and appearance
    but in what i can do
    do i say the right thing?
    am i the best?
    even having the strongest relationship with God like isn't that messed up?
    i hate being so competitive and God is really helping me to just focus on me and not everyone around me but if you could pray thanks
    Tabby
    Sarah
    on Thursday, January 3, 2013 at 5:57 pm
    Thank you so much! I read the conversation and it helped a lot. It's taught me how jealousy and love are opposites. I need to be happy for others who I feel are more blessed than I am, and praise God for what I do have. I'm trying to let go of the jealousy and let God work in me.
    Ashley
    Re:
    on Thursday, January 3, 2013 at 6:26 pm
    I never thought I was a huge comparer. I mean yes it subconciously slips into everyones mind once in a while but I was always pretty secure in tthe way God made me look. However my talent was another story. I am a dancer and I am constantly getting frustrated with myslef because my body doesnt do a certain thing or look a certain way when I do a step. I get mad when I cant get a combination into my body and executed well as fast as everybody else. I compare myslef to everyone else especially my best friend who has been extremely blessed in her talent for dancing. Or the fact that I dont have the beautiful sining voice I wish I had. Discouragement, inadequacy, and jealousy creep up on me and I forget that God has placed special talents in me that I can use to glorify Him (whether I have found them or not) Thank you so much for this post, I didnt realize how much I needed it until I read it!
    Cat
    Re: SavedByGrace
    on Friday, January 4, 2013 at 11:54 am
    Thanks for the encouragement, it brought tears to my eyes :) Glad to hear I'm not alone, I'll pray for you as well as God reveals his purpose for you where He has you.
    I know one thing's for certain, you've got a gift for encouraging others! <3
    Sarah, with the LYWB team
    @Tabby...
    on Friday, January 4, 2013 at 2:44 pm
    Wow, Tabby!! Thank you for taking time to read the transcript. You really summarized the heart of the message! So proud of you!! Keep looking to Jesus to help you--living out the truths you wrote will help you the rest of your life!! Blessings to you!
    Ali
    Re:
    on Saturday, January 5, 2013 at 12:46 am
    This post speaks volumes to me right now, as I am struggling with my weight. Coming home from my first year of college I've gained weight that I have never had before. I tried all year to not let myself notice the weight gain, but when I got home my family made sure I knew that my face has gotten chubbier and my thighs have filled out. These comments have stuck in my mind to the point where I'm trying to over exercise and eat differently so that I can lose the weight but it hasn't been making any difference. This post reiterates that I don't need anyone else approval except God's, which I already have. I'm grateful for this lesson and it is helping me realize that God loves me for who I am and to not worry about mans acceptance.
    Sarah, with the LYWB team
    @Jen...
    on Monday, January 7, 2013 at 12:17 am
    Proud of you for recognizing the fallacies of comparing yourself to others and looking for your worth in how you measure up! Keep looking to Jesus and continue looking at your life in Him! I am praying for you this night! Blessings to you, Jen!
    Blue
    Re:
    on Thursday, January 10, 2013 at 12:51 am
    Was my comment deleted? Did I wrote something that was inappropriate? ..I can't remember everything I said..
    Carrie, with the LYWB team
    @Blue
    on Thursday, January 10, 2013 at 11:20 am
    We’ve not deleted anything, Blue. Were you thinking of the comment you made on this post: http://www.liesyoungwomenbelieve.com/index.php?id=1935?

    Blessings ~
    Blue
    Re:
    on Thursday, January 10, 2013 at 11:40 am
    Yes! Thank you lol I thought it was on this page, & I was trying to think if I had written something that would have gotten it removed =X *dumbblonde*
    Sarah, with the LYWB team
    @Emily...
    on Saturday, January 12, 2013 at 1:26 pm
    I've prayed for you this morning, Emily. I pray that you will know your true beauty and worth in the Lord and that will be your confidence. I have a friend who always taught her girls... "God is watching everything you do...because He can't take His eyes off of you!" Psalm 139 tells us that very thing, and also tells us that is true even in the way we are made. You are adorable in His eyes! Blessings to you this day!
    Nyasa
    Truth Be Told...
    on Thursday, January 17, 2013 at 11:34 am
    I just feel like adding this. I am a model; part of a modeling agency. I'm not saying this to get any of you jealous (trust me, there isn't anything to get jealous of), I'm saying this so you can know that what I'm going to say isn't made up. I've seen it and lived it.

    I first started modeling because my mom suggested it. It was fun and i kept going until I became a part of the agency. Once I became part of the agency, they measured me and told me to lose a bit of weight (sometimes i'm a size 4 in pants). It really upset me but then I realized that this modeling thing is for fun. I'm not going to do this for the rest of my life. Besides, the agency kept calling me for jobs despite my size. So I stayed the same.

    In the photoshoots, they used photoshop on ALL of the pictures. Idk why. We all looked good without the photoshop but they still used it. In my bathing suit pics (which I absolutely hate) they chopped off part of my thighs. So whenever you see the pictures in magazines, remember they are girls just like you! They only look that way because they had to lose weight, wear tons of make-up, and got photoshopped. So in the end, the girl might not even look like how she really is.
    Just wanted to say that.
    Nyasa
    Madge
    on Thursday, January 17, 2013 at 11:55 am
    I read your post and I can't express how sorry I am. I really want to encourage you to forget about him. I know it's hard, because you can't forget someone who you've known for so long! But he's changed and isn't the same guy he used to be.

    My guy best friend, whom I fell for, ignored me and left me hanging for a long time. When we finally talked again, he was a total prideful jerk and was into drugs. I can't count how many times I cried myself to sleep because of him. But then I realized that we never talked anymore, I never saw him, and he wasn't the same awesome guy he used to be.

    So I slowly started forgetting about him. Rarely seeing him helped the forgetting process, but what helped the most was reading the Bible. God showed me this verse: "Run away from youthful passions and run after righteousness, faith, love, and peace, along with those who call on the Lord with a pure heart. Have nothing to do with foolish, ignorant controversies..." -2 Timothy 2:22-23.
    That verse was like a smack in the face. He showed me how I really needed to forget this guy. Now he is just a person from the past. I do see him from time to time, and his face brings back unwanted memories, but he isn't a part of my life anymore. And I'm thankful.

    Also, don't be jealous of the girl. I played around with what she did with him, and it is not fun. Though I didn't actually go there, I was close and woke up the next day feeling horrible about myself. And the reason why she wears make up might be because she wants to look pretty (to feel better about herself) and thinks that too look pretty she needs make up. I may be wrong, because I'm just talking from my experience.

    I really hope God gives you the strength to do was is right and best for you. I'll be praying!
    (sorry for the long message)
    Selena
    Beauty
    on Thursday, January 17, 2013 at 1:57 pm
    GIRLS... we better get started to work on our inner beauty! That´s the only kind of beauty that will last forever.
    elceedee
    comparisons
    on Wednesday, February 20, 2013 at 7:35 am
    Wow, this is something I do struggle with. Especially at church sometimes, because there are two other girls there my age who have different dress standards, which makes me feel 'dumpy' beside them. I feel like I'm not skinny enough, or outgoing. Like, why can't I talk as easily as others? I'm wondering, how much should I be concerned about my appearance? I've been really encouraged by this blog, and thanks for sharing!
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    Madrid631
    on Saturday, October 26, 2013 at 10:44 am
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    Indigo18
    on Wednesday, October 30, 2013 at 4:02 pm
    running shoes free shipping Lies Young Women Believe | Best Of: But Why Can't I Look Like Her?
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