Best Of: Looking For "The One"

Erin Davis 01/17/13 | Twitter: @ErinGraffiti
Category: Guys ; 62 comments

From the LYWB.com team: It's our fifth birthday here on the blog. To celebrate we are featuring the "best of" the blog all month. This post on finding "the one" got you talking. With 116 comments, clearly many of you are wondering if "the one" is out there. Here is my two cents on the subject.

bride and groomIt's the stuff fairy tales are made of. One guy. One girl. Destined to be together forever as husband and wife. They are made for each other, and they fit together like two pieces of the same puzzle. They spend their whole lives looking for each other, and when they meet they "just know" that they've found "the one." 

Sigh.

The idea that there is one person out there for us is certainly a romantic one. But to be honest, I'm not sure it's biblical. I've been looking, and I can't find any evidence in Scripture that God creates one specific person to be our mate. I know that this has the potential to burst a lot of bubbles, but I still think it's a subject worth tackling (I'll get to why in a minute). 

There are lots of great romances in the Bible. Let's start with Adam and Eve. In Genesis 2 we read that Eve was created to be a helper to Adam. There wasn't much risk that these two wouldn't match up since they were the only people in creation. I'm not sure God's plan for who we are to marry outside of the Garden is so specific. 

Abraham and Sarah were happily married, but we don't learn anything about their story until Abraham was seventy-five years old. There's no evidence that God instructed Abraham to marry Sarah because she was "the one" (Gen. 12). 

Jacob loved Rachel, but he met her because he stole his brother's blessing and was forced to flee his home (Gen. 27–28). Ruth married Boaz, but it was only after her first husband died. I can't think of any examples where Scripture seems to indicate that God chose who an individual fell in love with and married. 

The Bible does indicate that God knows who we will marry simply because He is omniscient. First John 3:20 tells us that God knows everything. Psalm 147:5 says that His understanding has no limit. But knowing who we will marry and choosing who we will marry are two different things.

I realize it may seem like I am splitting hairs here, but there is a reason why I think it's worth making the distinction. Thinking that God has created someone just for you (and you for him) sets you up for disappointment. Through His Word, God does command us to marry a believer (2 Cor. 6:14) and several passages give us helpful guidelines for what qualities to look for in a potential mate (1 Cor. 13:4–7, Titus 1:5–9). But if you're looking for a perfect match, you won't find him. If you head into marriage thinking that you were made for each other and will fit together perfectly, you may find yourself disillusioned when trials come and your relationship is strained. We know from Scripture that God designed marriage and He created men and women to complement each other, but it isn't perfect. You will never find "the one" who "completes you" like a missing puzzle piece. 

Well . . . I guess that isn't exactly true.

For he chose us in him before the creation of the world to be holy and blameless in his sight. In love he predestined us to be adopted as his sons through Jesus Christ, in accordance with his pleasure and will—to the praise of his glorious grace, which he has freely given us in the One he loves. In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of sins, in accordance with the riches of God's grace that he lavished on us with all wisdom and understanding (Eph. 1:4–8). 

Now that's romantic. 

Comments

HEY, GIRLS! We love hearing from you, but feel limited in the ways we can help. For one thing, we’re not trained counselors. If you’re seeking counsel, we encourage you to talk to your pastor or a godly woman in your life as they’ll know more details and can provide you with ongoing accountability and help. Also, the following comments do not necessarily reflect the views of Revive Our Hearts. We reserve the right to remove comments which might be unhelpful, unsuitable, or inappropriate.

    Emma
    Quick Question..
    on Thursday, January 17, 2013 at 2:00 am
    What if there is someone in your life that you just have a feeling you will end up marrying someday? Does God give me this feeling or am I just making myself believe something that isn't true? I am very young (13) But I feel it to be truth.

    Love,
    Emma

    P.S. This isn't just a crush. I have liked the boy for 3 years now, but I also respect him for his love of Christ. He is just like the boy version of me. And even my Mother has made comments about how he's the type of boy she would want me to marry.
    Cassie
    Re:
    on Thursday, January 17, 2013 at 3:47 am
    Genesis 24:12-15 God chose Rebekah for Isaac as an answer to prayer made by his dad's servant.

    it could happen.

    but it doesnt seem like the typical way ppl got married in the bible.

    Emma, it might be God telling you something. it might just be a feeling. either way id think that you would react the same way. keep deepening your relationship with God your first priority. keep talking to the mentors and wise counselors in your life. keep your eye on this boy over the years and see if he is still "the one" after time. be a kind friend to him. remember you are a child of God while you are dating and keep your boundaries. always be honest with yourself. never push to be physical too fast.
    sounds like you already have a lot in common with this guy. and you are attracted to him too.

    seems true what erin said that there is no specific one that we HAVE to marry. just like the friends you make. God brings/allows ppl into our lives and gives us the freedom to choose weather to be friends or not.
    Cheyanne
    Wow...
    on Thursday, January 17, 2013 at 8:06 am
    This post really struck a chord with me. A lot of people are saying that there is only one person God truly meant for you and anything else won't be as good. I haven't had to much of a problem believing it because I know God is sovereign and does everything for his glory and my good.

    The amazing thing about God is not only that he is perfect, loving and will never leave us but that HE is our missing puzzle piece. We aren't complete only when we have a guy (a dangerous lie) but only when we have God. He is more than enough to keep us satisfied.

    I do have one question for the LYWB team. How does one give dating over to God and approach romance in this way of thinking? If there isn't a person that God specifically has in mind for you then how do we make sure we don't look at every guy we know with the intention of marriage? The one idea that has kept me from developing crushes on everyone of my guy friends is knowing that God has the perfect one in mind for me and I can focus on just developing solid friendships then he'll do the rest.

    I hope it doesn't seem like I am questioning God's sovereignty or anything. This is knew way of thinking for me and I want to learn how to imply it to my life. Thanks for all your posts and thanks in advance for any replies!
    Alexis
    Re:
    on Thursday, January 17, 2013 at 8:16 am
    This post really helped me a lot! I've kinda been struggling with the whole dating thing and marriage and just the while guy thing!( even though I'm only 14!)

    I have a question: Do you think God let's the person your going to marry someday like you know or you like them now? I mean like does God let you know the person your going to marry even in first grade? Does anybody think that God will let you get to know your future husband by letting him come to the same church or whatever?

    I know God has someone out there for me to fall in love with someday and get married and live happily ever after following His perfect will!!!;)
    Blue
    Re:
    on Thursday, January 17, 2013 at 10:54 am
    If God doesn't bring us someone to marry, then why do some people pray for a spouse? Is there someone who God intends us to marry? You hear these stories of people who say that their spouse "fit every condition on their list" or that God showed them somehow that their engagement was in His plan.. Can anyone recommend a book on this subject? I'm going to the bookstore later =)
    Rachel
    the One
    on Thursday, January 17, 2013 at 11:18 am
    What a great post! I so believe that's true. Thanks Cassie- I was going to mention Isaac. Emma- One of my youth leaders when I was younger was a woman who had been in love with her husband since kindergarten. They had always known they would marry, but they remembered their standards always and didn't officially date until after they were 16, and then kept it to groups when they went out together. They were married at 21. I love their story, but I truly think if they had not followed God's plan, it would have had a different ending. I think God puts in our path good mates, but our choices can still ruin the gift. We need to own our mistakes more. "it wasn't meant to be" is something we say, but if we were given a car, and then CHOSE to drive drunk and crashed it, it would be kinda silly to then say "well, it just wasn't meant to be my car". So, I think even Isaac could have messed it up with Rebekah, even though she was exactly who God said he should marry. Or, Rebekah could mess it up. If you are faithful or repentant God will set you on the right path. All of the complexities of who and when rightfully fall away when you remember that its God who you are covenanting with on your wedding day.
    God choosing the right One?
    Re:
    on Thursday, January 17, 2013 at 11:19 am
    Thank-you for this challenge. I really appreciate this. I always thought that God has the perfect one for us. I'm allowing God to pick for me. I'm 25 years old, and have never dated before in my life! I think that's a good thing.

    How do you know when God shows you who is the right one for you? One of my friends said: "Be open to other people," I think God's picked someone perfect for me. In God's own timing.

    Am I wrong to think God has chosen the right person for me?
    Rachel
    but...
    on Thursday, January 17, 2013 at 11:24 am
    And this is TOTALLY me being nitpicky, but couldn't you find a modestly dressed bride for the picture? I know obviously where you stand on modesty, but it would be nice to see some integrity on the subject. Forgive me for making a fuss. I just think saying here that your wedding day is not an exception in standards for modesty would be a good message.
    Erin Davis
    Rachel
    on Thursday, January 17, 2013 at 11:28 am
    I couldn't agree more with you that:
    1. We do take a stand for modesty on this site.
    2. We do strive to have integrity.
    3. Wedding days are not an exception to standards for modesty.

    However, I can't say that I see anything immodest about the wedding dress pictured. The bride is fully covered.

    We appreciate your concern and do strive to always stay above board.

    Erin
    Brittany
    Re:
    on Thursday, January 17, 2013 at 12:01 pm
    I loved this post, and it makes perfect sense to me.
    RachelAllison
    @Emma
    on Thursday, January 17, 2013 at 12:02 pm
    Hey girl! I can completely relate to your question and it's a very good one. I'm going to be honest with you and tell you every guy I've ever had a crush on I had that feeling that he was "the one." I'm not talking, "Oh I think he's cute." kinda crush... I'm talking liking the same guy for at least a year, usually longer. One guy I was really closed to and like an awful lot for over two years, but in the past year we've gone our separate ways and I've seen traits in him that have made me rethink my previous surety that he was "the one" for me. So now, if I begin to get that feeling about a guy, I don't put much stock in it... the truth is that relationships and ultimately marriage are so much more than feelings and if you give your heart to this young man solely based on the feeling that he is the one, then what happens if that feeling leaves as feelings are prone to do? So then the question is, what do you base it on and how do you know? Well, my dear.... I'm not entirely sure. The truth is, marriage is still very much a mystery to me... one that I hope I will one day better understand.
    What I do know is that you ought to find someone that you trust. Someone who will have an open mind about the situation and be willing to tell you what you need to hear. Because, let's face it, when we're head over heals for a guy it's practically impossible to see things for how they really are. And as much as I hate that at times, it's how it works. So perhaps your mother or youth leader or an older lady... I would definitely try to find someone who is already married, because they will have a much better perspective on the matter.
    Most importantly, look to God. Compare the young man to God's word. Don't expect him to be perfect, of course, but is he striving after God? Is he working towards that goal? Is he committed to purity?
    And when it comes down to personality traits and wondering if his will go with yours and how you'll get along... I'm still figuring that out too. At one point I was sure that the whole opposites attract thing was for me, but too opposite just gets on my nerves and I'm finding I get along much better with guys who are similar to me in personality, but still their own person and different enough so that we get along... but like Erin said, you'll never find someone who compliments you perfectly. This is a fallen world and we must have grace with one another as Christ has had grace with us.
    Well, I don't feel like I've helped much. I'm sorry... I wish I understood this whole marriage and guy thing better. But if nothing else, at least let this comment assure you that I will be praying for you!
    Blessings,
    RachelAllison
    Beth
    Perfectly Modest
    on Thursday, January 17, 2013 at 12:23 pm
    I agree with Ms. Erin on that, Rachel...just sayin'. The bride looks perfectly modest to me. It's a very beautiful picture! I guess the only that could be picked out is that it is strapless and tight at the waist? (I'm trying to see both sides of the party, here)...either way - God bless both of you!
    Kaylee S. Smith
    Kinda Did Burst My Bubble...
    on Thursday, January 17, 2013 at 12:34 pm
    Yes, this post did burst my bubble. But I think that I will be better off for it - it was a bubble that needed to be burst! I was living in a fairy tale kind of mentality.

    But I have two questions:

    1. I have a list of standards for my husband (for lack of better wording), so is it wrong to have those, because, it's kind of like hoping for a man whom fits them...?

    2. One of my standards are he has to save his kiss/body for me (and I for him). Is that unrealistic? Is there a guy out there who has chosen to NOT kiss a girl until his wedding day? And what I mean by saving his kiss, I mean not because a girl just hasn't wanted to kiss him, but rather, he chose NOT to.

    3. I was taught to not look for a man, but that he will pursue me. And I was also taught that God has a perfect mate for us (as in, us girls) - someone just for us. Are you saying that isn't true? If so...this is totally shaking the foundation that I was taught on - I am distressed right now! I know that sounded dramatic; but it fit my feelings at the moment.

    ~ Kaylee S. Smith
    Lorree, with the LYWB team
    @ Emma
    on Thursday, January 17, 2013 at 1:08 pm
    I don’t know if God is giving you this feeling or if it is simply an attraction that you have for this guy, Emma. But I do know that God is faithful and He can be trusted with our future and with our hopes and dreams.

    I’m glad to know that you are considering this guy’s godly character and not just his physical attributes. You are still young to be considering marriage, so I encourage you focus on growing in your personal relationship with the Lord. That way you will be ready for whatever man God brings along in His time. Pray for this young man and ask the Lord to continue to grow him in His faith, leadership skills and passion to serve Him wholeheartedly. That way you are taking your thoughts captive and investing eternally in the guy’s life at the same time.
    Maggie
    Chosing and Knowing
    on Thursday, January 17, 2013 at 2:14 pm
    But God is not just omniscient, He is omnipotent, too. Therefore, He chose everyhing about us, including who we will marry. He may not always make us for a certain person, but He does sometimes; I have had two friendships in my just shy of 18 years, He has already given me two friendships that seem as though we were made for each other, first, my friend who brought me to Christ, and then my current roommate; i'm not sure I buy that He would be so distant in planning our lives.
    Beth
    Same Q's As 'Kaylee'
    on Thursday, January 17, 2013 at 2:37 pm
    After checking back here, I was a post by 'Kaylee' right after mine and I have the some of the same basic questions as she does. I was also raised that there is one guy out there that God has for me and to have high standards. Is it wrong to think that way about there being that 'perfect' match?
    Erin Davis
    Kaylee and Beth
    on Thursday, January 17, 2013 at 3:03 pm
    Hey, girls! Great questions. I want to send you on a scavenger hunt to find the answers. Would you mind each heading into God's Word and seeing if you can find the answer to your question "Does God create a perfect match for me?"

    Truly, my opinion on the subject is pretty irrelevant. And the opinions of others who have taught you that one guy is created for one girl aren't as important as what God thinks. So...do some digging in the Word (pray first and ask God for wisdom) and let us all know what you find out.

    For the record, I'm not saying in my post above that God would never work that way. He is God after all and He can work however He sees fit. However, I did dig and I couldn't find anything in the Bible that led me to the conclusion that marriage is the result of a perfect match between two people that God predestined.

    I'd love for you to prove me wrong, but remember the ground rules...you've got to use God's Word.

    I look forward to hearing back from you.

    Erin
    God's little princess
    ????
    on Thursday, January 17, 2013 at 3:07 pm
    So, does God give us options of who we could marry? Like show us different guys we could be with?
    Rachel
    thats surprising.
    on Thursday, January 17, 2013 at 3:14 pm
    Huh. So sleeveless and backless and tight cut aren't dealbreakers for you guys. Yup, I guess modesty is subjective. But my public school demanded shoulder straps be at least three fingers thick. If it doesn't even pass a public schools dress code, you can see where I might have gotten confused. My parents demanded a cap sleeve minimum. But hey, some of my Mennonite friends think I'm immodest when I wear pants, so modesty is obviously subjective (they never say anything, I just know their church preaches against it). Yes, it is a lovely dress and a lovely photo but it would be too immodest for me personally. Peace.
    Lulul
    Re:
    on Thursday, January 17, 2013 at 3:19 pm
    Great topic. My children and 10 and 4 and I praying for them very young that the Lord will bring them Godly spouses. Not perfect spouses, because there is no such thing. Spouses that will help them further God's Kingdom. That God's will be done in there lives & and not mine.
    Kaylee S. Smith
    Ok - Give Me A Day
    on Thursday, January 17, 2013 at 3:38 pm
    Alright! I will dig in the Word and I will write back tomorrow about what I found!

    ~ Kaylee S. Smith
    Ashlee
    Re: Blue
    on Thursday, January 17, 2013 at 4:48 pm
    Hey, Blue!
    I'd recommend Before You Meet Prince Charming (Sarah Mally) or When God Writes Your Love Story (Eric and Leslie Ludy). I also enjoyed I Kissed Dating Goodbye (Joshua Harris) and Emotional Purity (Heather Arnel Paulsen). There are many amazing books out there; I hope these suggestions give you an idea of where to start!
    <3 Ashlee
    Blue
    Re:
    on Thursday, January 17, 2013 at 5:34 pm
    Thank you, Ashlee!! I appreciate it =) a friend of mine also mentioned "Lady in Waiting" by I don't know who off the top of my head.. Just to add it to the list =)
    Kaylee S. Smith
    @ Blue
    on Thursday, January 17, 2013 at 5:44 pm
    These are some of my favorite purity books!

    1. I Kissed Dating Goodbye (Joshua Harris)

    2. Lady In Waiting (Jackie Kendall and Debby Jones)

    3. Passion and Purity (Elisabeth Elliot)

    4. And the Bride Wore White (Dannah Gresh)

    5. The Purity Principle (Randy Alcorn)

    I know that this is an a kind of extensive list, but I wanted to share these books with you! May God bless on the path towards purity.

    Lots of Love in Christ,

    ~ Kaylee S. Smith
    Andrea
    DISAGREE-GOD HAS A PERFECT PLAN FOR EACH ONE OF US, WEHTER IT INCLUDED A MAN OR NOT.
    on Thursday, January 17, 2013 at 7:01 pm
    I have to disagree. I believe with all my heart that if God wants you to be married, He has a man out there that is for you. I believe that with all my heart and soul. I have to disagree. I don't think that there is a "perfect man" for you-after all, nobody is perfect, but I believe that God has a perfect and glorious plan for each one of us. But it can only be accomplished if we follow His Word and WAIT for the man God brings into our life. Oh, not just sitting around, twiddling your thumbs, but actively SERVING God wherever you are, not matter if God has Mr. Right in mind for you.
    Andrea
    READ THIS BOOK......
    on Thursday, January 17, 2013 at 7:02 pm
    Read BEFORE YOU MEET PRINCE CHARMING but SARAH MALLY. It totally changed my life in a wonderful way.
    Andrea Martin
    @ Kaylee S. Smith
    on Thursday, January 17, 2013 at 7:10 pm
    Oh Kaylee I totally feel for you. I totally believe that God has the one for me out there, IF i'm meant to get married and IF I follow his will and plan for me.
    I agree with your three "points"
    In Sarah Mally's book "Before you meet Prince Charming" she has a story of a princess and how she saves her heart and emotions for her future husband and she wonders, too, if anybody is actually out there that is saving his heart for her.
    I have to say, that crossed my mind, but I still believe with all my heart that God has a plan, and if that includes a guy, then He will bring you the right one.

    I too have a list of "standards" also, in Sarah Mally's book, she tells a story about her one friend that had a whole list of standards and everbody told her she there was nobody that could match her standards.
    But, (i don't know how many years past) but God brought a man into her life and she realized that he did meet every standard on her list.
    And my Sunday School Teacher, and Sarah Mally, said DONT LOWER YOUR STANDARDS BECAUSE YOU THINK NOBODY ELSE IS GOING TO ASK YOU.
    trust God and keep your heart PURE.
    Andrea M
    @ Cheyanne
    on Thursday, January 17, 2013 at 7:16 pm
    I agree with you. totally.

    PLease girls...you have to save your heart.

    God is THE ONLY ONE WHO CAN FILL YOUR "MISSING PUZZLE PEICE".

    Trust Him.

    I'm digging into my Bible and seeing if I can prove you wrong, Erin Davis!!!!!!


    If this is what you believe....idk!
    Kaylee S. Smith
    @ Andrea Martin
    on Thursday, January 17, 2013 at 8:36 pm
    Good to know about someone else out there who 'gets' what I'm saying! And thanks for sharing that book - I will read it soon. Thank you so much for the encouragement - I will be praying for you and your future husband/future in general. God Bless!

    Love To You in Christ,

    ~ K.S.S
    Shannon
    Different Look??
    on Thursday, January 17, 2013 at 9:49 pm
    Whoa....okay..
    This just totally messed up my perspectives on relationships.......now I have more questions than answers. But in my case, maybe that's a good thing...
    Christina
    "Fairy Tale"
    on Thursday, January 17, 2013 at 10:07 pm
    If we are meant to be with someone, then He does already have the right guy for us. We don't have to worry about it, as long as we stay on His path the His will is going to be done. "In all ways acknowledge Him and He shall direct thy paths." If we are meant to be with someone, then God has that one picked out. We don't pray for specifics for that guy, just pray that the guy is saved pure and loves God with all his heart. Not just loves Him, but serves Him and is a man of Him. God has the right one picked out if we are meant to be with someone. He has our life planned out, He knows the begining of it to the end, we just follow Him and have our trust in Him. He knows what He's doing.
    Jocelyn
    Quick Question
    on Thursday, January 17, 2013 at 10:59 pm
    My question ya'll and that would be: How can a person ever know that they found Mr. Right???? I know that God has the right the person for us and the Bible also tells us to wait for God's timing instead of our own. I know that before I go to bed at night and pray that God will be with him. I have been praying for my Mr. Right and I am waiting for him to come around. My next question would be why do some people believe in love out of a Romance novel and they believe that is how love come. Then when they start dating it is pretty different like why would people think that is how love is? How is a relationship with a Romace? Any help from people?
    Person
    Re:
    on Friday, January 18, 2013 at 12:37 am
    I don't necessarily think that we should be praying for God to bring in Mr Rigth ALL the time, but instead be focused on God's plan for us in general whether it includes a Mr Right or not... Thanks for all who commented on their opinion, I have great respect for all of you, and it's good to know I'm not the only one going through this
    Ashlee
    Re: Blue
    on Friday, January 18, 2013 at 5:00 pm
    Lady in Waiting sounds like a great book- I definitely want to read it! :)
    Grace L
    I Agree, But I have a Question...
    on Friday, January 18, 2013 at 8:32 pm
    Hi Erin!

    Thanks for the post. I have never heard anyone else say this. Growing up, i always heard that God had the "perfect person" or "soul mate" for each of us. Now, I think that God is the only One who could be my soul mate. Honestly, it was a relief to read this post because it reminds me to spend more time seeking out our perfect God instead of my idea of "Mr. Right".

    I agree that Scripture doesn't support the idea of God choosing our spouse, but I wanted to know what you think about Genesis 24, when Abraham's servant asks God to reveal the woman that He has appointed Isaac to marry. I know It involves God's sovereignty because Isaac didn't choose Rebekah, but I also know that God can work through anyone, so would it have mattered if the servant chose a different woman? What are your thoughts?
    Ally Elisha
    Remember, Girls...
    on Friday, January 18, 2013 at 9:42 pm
    Right now, none of us know if we'll be married or not. It's God's plan.

    But even though I don't know if I'll ever be married, or If I'll be single my whole life, I hope to be married someday.
    Because I hope so much that marriage is part of God's plan for my life, I've been praying for my future (hopefully) husband.
    He's out there, and even though I don't know him yet, I can help him by praying for him, every day.
    For his spiritual walk, for patience and peace, courage and strength.
    Even if we don't even know each other yet, if it's God's plan for me to be married, he knows who I will marry, and those prayers are helping that young man out there.

    :) I love praying for my future (hopefully!) husband. It seems sweet and romantic to me, actually.
    Afton McGraw
    Not decided but mostly agree!
    on Saturday, January 19, 2013 at 12:36 am
    I am not completely sure. I agree and disagree. You see, I think that God's plan for everyone's life! Because I know many people who married and it was wonderful and Godly! But then the wife dies. And so many times God brings them another person to marry! And it is just so beautiful! I also think it has a lot to do with God's foreknowledge. So in my opinion, it completely depends on God's plan for your life! I think that for some, there may be One person with whom you will spend the rest of your life with on this earth! And for others, you may marry twice in your lifetime. And still, for others they may never get married!
    Yeah, so, I think it completely depends on God's plan for your life and His foreknowledge! :) :) I don't we need to "worry" about it that much! Because we can't see the future! But if we trust God in every area of our lives; in every season of our lives, then I think it will be Lovely!!!
    Lynn
    Just a thought
    on Saturday, January 19, 2013 at 1:26 am
    I really enjoy reading this blog, but I would have to disagree with this one.... In Jeremiah 29:11, God says that He has a plan and a future for every one of us.... He created us, of course He wants to lead us in right choices, and I personally believe that includes a future spouse. Paul also talks about how God is pleased for us to marry.... Yes, that verse goes on to say that some people have the gift of being single. When God created Adam, He said that He didn't want Adam to be alone and He specifically created Eve JUST for Adam. So, I believe God has created that special person for us, that man may not be perfect, but God doesn't make mistakes..... This is just a thought.
    Laura
    Re:
    on Saturday, January 19, 2013 at 12:12 pm
    I have been reading through the comments and I think we are addressing two different issues from the intent of one article. I think Erin's main focus was the danger in expecting a perfect match and looking for your husband to complete you in a way that only God can. Many of you commented with biblical references for God having a plan for our lives and I whole-heartedly agree. He has a plan for you and He has a plan for your future husband (if you will be married someday) and I believe that He has plans for your marriage as well. I don't think Erin was rejecting those plans, but rather the danger in looking towards another person, even a godly spouse, to complete you. God completes you, you and your spouse complement each other, and together you aim to serve and bring glory to Him. I hope that makes sense...
    Blue
    Re:
    on Saturday, January 19, 2013 at 12:18 pm
    I read through 1 Corinthians 7 hoping there was more info on this topic. This whole chapter seems to believe that marriage is a choice that God allows us to make, & that it is better not to marry. And if God lets us choose whether or not we marry, then it seems to reason that He doesn't have one specific person for each of us. If that were true, and then we chose never to marry, then we didn't fulfill God's purpose for us to marry that person. So it must be that God doesn't choose someone, but we do (assuming that we choose to marry at all).

    On the other hand, it also implies that singleness is a gift. "But I wish everyone were single, just as I am. Yet each person has a special gift from God, of one kind or another" -1Cor7:7. But is this a gift that is God-given or is it something we can achieve through discipline? It sounds like we all can choose what is better and stay single.. "So the person who marries his fiancée does well, and the person who doesn’t marry does even better" -1Cor7:38 And here.. "So I say to those who aren’t married and to widows—it’s better to stay unmarried, just as I am. 9 But if they can’t control themselves, they should go ahead and marry. It’s better to marry than to burn with lust" -1Cor7:8-9 I'm not sure whether this gift of singleness is given or if it is achieved by controlling ourselves. If it is really something we can attain, then that again goes against the statement that God chooses our spouses, since we ourselves are choosing marriage or singleness. Well, since I'm not seeing anyone (seriously or otherwise) right now, I'm not going to worry myself about this just yet.
    My Desire
    Re:
    on Saturday, January 19, 2013 at 3:50 pm
    Why does God allow some of us to be married earlier then some people like us?

    I guess God's been placing it on my heart!
    I am reading some of the comments as well. It's all in God's timing. And one of the stories God is showing me is the story of Ruth.

    I'm continuing to pray for my future husband daily. We have to be satisfied first in God, before HE gives us the one HE has for us.
    Sarah, with the LYWB team
    @Kaylee...
    on Saturday, January 19, 2013 at 9:09 pm
    Your questions #1 and 2 are answered in this post: http://www.liesyoungwomenbelieve.com/index.php?id=1850.You will find a list of archives in the text of the blog that speak to your questions too.

    Blessings on your search!
    Sarah, with the LYWB team
    @God's little princess...
    on Saturday, January 19, 2013 at 10:52 pm
    There will be many young men God allows to come across your path. There will be a few that you find very intriguing. As you pray and seek discernment from God, He will show you what qualities draw you to a young man you would want to date, and who you would like to share life with through marriage. Keep praying; He will lead you. (See Proverbs 3:5-6)
    Sabina
    Personal responsibility
    on Sunday, January 20, 2013 at 12:26 am
    Regardless of what you believe, the One, or not, you must take responsibility for your own choices. Free will is yours and it is yours to exercise. You cannot know if the other person is "perfect" for you, if you don't know you yourself. 13 or even 18 is too young to know who you are as a person, what your needs are in a partner and how to have a healthy relationship. It's important, in my opinion to learn how to form healthy relationships before you even think of marriage.
    Jenna
    @Rachel
    on Sunday, January 20, 2013 at 12:45 pm
    Rachel, your input that we have to own our mistakes makes so much sense! Thanks for that!!
    Sarah, with the LYWB team
    @Jocelyn...
    on Sunday, January 20, 2013 at 10:47 pm
    As you pray for Mr. Right, ask God to help you know/discern the right kind of young man you want to marry. Ask Him to give you the things He desires for you to look for, and what characteristics would fulfill your heart desires. As you make that list, you will be able to find a godly, mature, kind and loving young man to marry. God will lead you as you pray. Erin wrote at series of blogs that will help you "make your list":

    Is He the One?
    He Must Be a Leader
    He Must Pray
    He Must Bear Fruit
    Will He Be A Good Husband?
    What Kind of Guy Should You Date?

    Check them out under the archives section above under "Guys."

    And for your second question...we as girls long to be pursued, loved and cherished. It's in our make-up. Romance novels are the world's way of fulfilling those desires. God's way is through godly relationships, based on a relationship with Him and His Word.
    kenzie
    boy do i need help
    on Sunday, January 20, 2013 at 11:18 pm
    so my ex want to get back together our realationship never was physical he told my friends he doesnt know if he can let me go i just dont know what to do ive prayed and everything everyone says he has never liked me for my body ever the other day he told me i was bautiful nice really smart and he can be himself around me,.... when we first went out a year a go we only went out for three weeks but our realationship kinda started on lies but now im doing it right i havent changed myself for him hes actually tlking to me and not being boring what should i do???????????????? whats the desision god wnts me to make and how do i find out how him and gods realationship is ...
    Kaylee S. Smith
    My Research
    on Monday, January 21, 2013 at 12:22 pm
    Hello!

    My research, per say, is going to take me a bit more time with more prayer. But for the sake of responding on here promptly like I said, I would like to thank you, Ms. Sarah, for showing me the link to answer my questions.

    Basically, the fruit of my search so far is: I need to simply live in today and not worry about tomorrow. God will bring marriage/right man to me when His timing is right. I don't have to get all stressed about it, constantly wondering, 'Is that the man? The 'one' for me? Huh? Huh? Is he? Eh, Is he?' Lol.

    Thank you for your encouragement to search the Word (Bible) and to pray about it. I pray that God's presence is strong in all of y'all's life! And that HIS answers become known to you!

    Love in Christ,

    ~ Kaylee S. Smith
    Carrie, with the LYWB team
    @Cheyanne
    on Monday, January 21, 2013 at 4:01 pm
    You’re plan for refocusing your thoughts is a great one, Cheyanne! You can indeed trust that the Lord will make His plans known to you at the right time. You can rest in that. Another idea is to pray for your guy friends and the wife that God will one day provide for them. Doing this helps to refocus those thoughts that can so easily lead to a crush/daydreaming.
    Carrie, with the LYWB team
    @ God choosing the right One?
    on Monday, January 21, 2013 at 4:11 pm
    Sounds like you’re in a great place, friend! Keep trusting and waiting upon the Lord. He is more than able to make known His desires for you.

    Here are a couple past posts that will help to answer your question “Is he the right one?”

    http://www.liesyoungwomenbelieve.com/index.php?id=562
    http://www.liesyoungwomenbelieve.com/index.php?id=1848

    Blessings to you today, friend!
    Carrie, with the LYWB team
    @Alexis
    on Monday, January 21, 2013 at 4:18 pm
    We’re thankful this posts been helpful to you, Alexis. You’re wise to enjoy this season of your life – girlfriends and how you can serve others- without becoming too focused on who you will marry. But to answer your question, it is likely you will have some common experiences with the man you will one day marry; that may be church, college, family friend, co-worker etc.
    Lorree, with the LYWB team
    @ My Desire
    on Monday, January 21, 2013 at 5:19 pm
    You are right, my friend! Our true heart needs will only be met in a relationship with God through Jesus Christ! As we find our security, happiness, joy there, we will learn to trust Him with every area of our lives. He loves us and can be trusted with all of our lives—even our love life. Keep on praying and growing your love for God. You will never go wrong by investing your heart and time in this!
    Sarah, with the LYWB team
    @Blue...
    on Wednesday, January 23, 2013 at 2:48 pm
    @Blue…Just FYI …in response to your study (way to go—going to the Word!)…you are right...can be a choice or a calling...Jesus said, in context, some can be single by choice, some by no choice, some by birth and some by calling. (Matthew 19:12) The 1 Corinthians 7 passage speaks to both calling and choice. It can be a gift from God or a gift to God. Blessings to you!
    lenisha williams
    God's will
    on Saturday, January 26, 2013 at 1:43 pm
    I have had my fair share of "he's the one" and "God he could never be the one",my point in all this is to say that we are humans who are so fickle-minded,we operate based on feelings,thus I believe it is impossible for us to choose for ourselves. God's word does give us a template of how we should choose so that in itself shows how God is concerned about and involved in every matter of our lives. I believe when we live completely sold out for God He will send the right man for us-if there is one man or not,I believe God alligns us with the man that is according to His plan and will for us but like sin and God we can either choose God's will or not,I think what we see in biblical stories of marriages is that God's will is done in the end,whether or not Jacob stole his brother's blessing he still ended up with Rachel,even though Abraham had a son by Sarah's handmaid he still had a son as God promised with Sarah. So I believe the thing that stands out here is the person's heart condition.. God knows in our sinful ways we go against His plan for us but He is willing to forgive us and in His mercy and grace allow the plans of Jer 29:11,if a man is a part of that plan then we will have him. All in all,i do not believe that there is a perfect,single soul for us but more importantly God appoints certain people for certain seasons and reasons and in that case some people can be married to one person for the rest of their lives while others may be remarried due to the death of a spouse. I also believe that God will reveal to our spirit the one that He intends for us,but God isnt going to leave it to us to make it happen because at times we operate on flesh, when God brings someone for the purpose of marriage God will make every provision for that purpose.The key thing is to submerge ourselves in God,get lost there,let Him fulfill every longing,if our focus is in the right place,we may not even see the man coming because we would have only been looking at Christ.
    Carrie, with the LYWB team
    @Kenzie
    on Monday, January 28, 2013 at 10:45 am
    Great questions, friend. It’s always good to talk to your parents or youth leader/pastor about the guy you’re want to date. Ask them what they see in this young man. Questions like: “How do they see him spending his time? What kind of friends does he hang out with? How do they see him loving/obeying Jesus? What are the passions/desires of his heart?”

    Here’s a past post that will give you some other great insights and questions. http://www.liesyoungwomenbelieve.com/index.php?id=1848 – What Kind of Guy Should You Date?

    Praying for you today, Kenzie.
    Yenise Fernandez
    THE ONE
    on Thursday, March 28, 2013 at 3:02 pm
    There really is a lot of confusion about this topic, but I have found that praying this way helps: "Dear Lord, I want to marry whomever it is that You see me standing with at the altar as Your perfect will for my life. Send Him." I am currently praying this over my daughter.
    Blessings~
    Hannah
    Emma
    on Thursday, April 4, 2013 at 10:45 am
    Hey Beautiful!
    I am a college student but I still love this blog and read it in my spare time:) I just read your comment, and I know how you feel! There were many guys in high school and even middle school, that I 'felt' a certain way about..that maybe he was the one, maybe I would spend my life with him...and I trusted those feelings...until my senior year. Then, I began to 'feel' that way about a young man that at first, my parents liked, but later saw right through him. But because I trusted my feelings, I dated him against my parents will, and he shattered my heart into what seemed like a million pieces. Looking back, I see that instead of trusting the word of God, how it said that I should obey my parents and honor their opinion, I trusted that I felt, in every respect, that this man was the one. But he wasn't.
    Love, in it's purest sense, is not a feeling. If it was, there wouldn't be very many people married long. Because it is a choice. Sometimes, the right person, isn't even the one that we 'feel' a certain way about to begin with. Love happens when we least expect it to; and God lines up the right circumstances. Radical, I know. I'm probably bursting as many bubbles as Erin did in her post:)
    But trust me, don't trust your feelings, because they change every day. Choose to love the right person:)
    Brittany
    Re:
    on Monday, August 5, 2013 at 9:54 pm
    I completely agree with this post! Hopefully you'll see this comment, and be able to give me a response:) This is my question. I am 19, and I am dating a nice guy from my youth group. He treats me right, and our relationship is going great. I've always heard people say that if the person you are dating is not drawing you closer to Christ, then you shouldn't be dating them. Lately, in my personal walk with God, I've been giving more attention to my boyfriend than I have to God if I'm being honest. My question is does this automatically mean I have to break up with him? I mean aren't we all bound to mess up in this area a little when we are dating someone? I understand that consistently putting your boyfriend before God is not a good idea at all, but what about the occasional mistakes? Can the couple continue to date if they put Christ at the center again?
    Brittany
    Re:
    on Monday, August 5, 2013 at 9:54 pm
    I completely agree with this post! Hopefully you'll see this comment, and be able to give me a response:) This is my question. I am 19, and I am dating a nice guy from my youth group. He treats me right, and our relationship is going great. I've always heard people say that if the person you are dating is not drawing you closer to Christ, then you shouldn't be dating them. Lately, in my personal walk with God, I've been giving more attention to my boyfriend than I have to God if I'm being honest. My question is does this automatically mean I have to break up with him? I mean aren't we all bound to mess up in this area a little when we are dating someone? I understand that consistently putting your boyfriend before God is not a good idea at all, but what about the occasional mistakes? Can the couple continue to date if they put Christ at the center again?
    Carrie, with the LYWB team
    @Brittany
    on Tuesday, August 13, 2013 at 11:05 am
    Yes, precious friend… we all drift from keeping Jesus at the center of our relationships. The remedy is repentance. Becoming aware of when we drift and what causes the drift is the process of growing/maturing in our walk with Jesus.
    Abigail J.
    Maybe he's the one???
    on Monday, September 2, 2013 at 4:14 pm
    So, I met this guy my first day of high school. I instantly had feelings for him. I've been praying almost every day for my future husband for about 2 years now. This guy I like is really tall, 6'8'', has the most beautiful blue eyes, and loves the Lord. Recently I've felt like God's telling me that this boy is the one. I don't know how, it's just been laid on my heart. I've never dated before because I'm committed to courtship. He is too. Is it possible at all that God is really telling me that this guy is really the one for me? Have I really met my other half after waiting so patiently?
    Lorree, with the LYWB team
    @ Abigail J
    on Tuesday, September 3, 2013 at 12:38 pm
    I don’t know the answers to your questions, Abigail. I encourage you to continue to live according to the standards God has laid on your heart. Pray for this young man and ask the Lord to continue to grow him in His faith, leadership skills and passion to serve Him wholeheartedly. That way you are taking your thoughts captive and investing eternally in the guy’s life at the same time. And then fix your eyes on Christ and focus your attention on your own personal relationship with Him. As you do that, you are preparing your heart for God and the man God has in your future. I’m praying for your single-hearted focus on the Lord in the days ahead.

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