Best Of: What If I've Blown It?

Erin Davis 01/21/13 | Twitter: @ErinGraffiti
Category: Myself ; 40 comments

From the LYWB.com team: It's our fifth birthday here on the blog. To celebrate, we are featuring the "best of" the blog all month. This post on sin was one of our most popular posts ever. It received over 100 comments. If you've sinned (we all have!), we hope you will be encouraged with these truths from God's Word.

upset young womanIn response to our posts on love and romance, many of you have written to us to tell us that you've messed up in the area of purity. When it comes to being physically and emotionally pure, clearly many of you feel like you've blown it. You've shared with us that the end result of bad choices has been disappointment, pain, and heartbreak.

I know for sure that one way the enemy seeks to take young women out is to trick them into making compromises in their romantic relationships. He tells a million lies like "purity isn't possible," "it's okay if you love him," and "everyone else is doing it" to get young women to forfeit emotional or physical purity. The end result is devastating.

I wish that none of you had to wrestle with the pain caused by messing up in the area of romance, but since so many of you have bravely shared that you've made mistakes, I wanted to write a post to give you hope.

I've talked to many young women who mistakenly believe that once they've compromised, they cannot stop or turn back. Having already lost their virginity or given away their hearts, they see no way to get it back, so they decide it's too late for them and keep making things worse by perpetuating their sinful behavior.

If that describes you, I want you to know that it is absolutely not too late for you. If you've sinned sexually, it's true that you can never become a physical virgin again. If you've failed to protect your heart, you cannot undo the pain that's resulted. But that's water under the bridge. God can wipe the slate clean.

It is not too late to turn and go in a different direction. God has made a way for you to experience His love and forgiveness and to turn away from your past sin and patterns of behavior.

To do so requires you to take specific action.

1. Acknowledge your sin.

Don't say "I blew it" or "I made a mistake." Don't come up with excuses. Call your sexual or emotional activity what it is—sin. This step is called repentance. Repentance begins with agreeing with God that sin is sin with no rationalizations or intent to commit it again.

2. Confess it.

In 1 John 1:9 we read, "If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness."

3. Accept Christ's forgiveness.

For many young women this is the most difficult step. In 1 John 1:9, God promises that He will forgive us of our sin and wipe the slate clean. But young women who have stepped outside of God's boundaries for relationships often feel cheap, used, and unworthy of God's love, and so they continue to sin. If you've fallen into this kind of thinking, the reality is that you have given up on God's forgiveness. When you refuse to forgive yourself and to approach the throne of God to seek His forgiveness, you are saying that God is a liar and that Christ's sacrifice is not enough. When you consider yourself beyond forgiveness, you are saying that God is not all-powerful and that He is unable to cope with the magnitude of what you've done.

Nothing could be further from the truth.

God's love for you and His forgiveness through Christ's death on the cross is far greater than anything in your past, present, or future. The basis for your forgiveness is not the level of your sin or even your feelings about what you've done. The basis for forgiveness is Christ's death on the cross.

God in eternity past knew we would sin. So He provided for His Son, Jesus Christ, to take on human flesh and to go to the cross. Jesus had the infinite capacity to take all our sins upon Himself and pay the price. He went to the cross and said, "It is finished," meaning everything that was necessary for you to be forgiven had been done.

Colossians 2:13–14 says, "And you, who were dead in your trespasses and the uncircumcision of your flesh, God made alive together with him, having forgiven us all our trespasses, by canceling the record of debt that stood against us with its legal demands. This he set aside, nailing it to the cross."

When you accept Christ's forgiveness for your sin, you agree that God's grace—evident in Christ's death on the cross—is sufficient payment for your sin.

You can make a choice that today is the first day of the rest of your life. You can step off the path of sexual or emotional sin and accept Christ's forgiveness for your sin. But you can't stop there.

Matthew 3:8 says, "Bear fruit in keeping with repentance." Fully embracing God's forgiveness means making choices to keep you from falling back into the same trap. Bearing the fruit of your repentance means making choices to keep you from returning to sin. Just as sin is a choice, a renewed commitment to God's standards is a choice—one that often takes hard work.

What's holding you back from accepting Christ's forgiveness and choosing a different path in your romantic relationships? What choices do you need to make to keep you from returning to sin?

Comments

HEY, GIRLS! We love hearing from you, but feel limited in the ways we can help. For one thing, we’re not trained counselors. If you’re seeking counsel, we encourage you to talk to your pastor or a godly woman in your life as they’ll know more details and can provide you with ongoing accountability and help. Also, the following comments do not necessarily reflect the views of Revive Our Hearts. We reserve the right to remove comments which might be unhelpful, unsuitable, or inappropriate.

    Vanilla
    What's holding me back
    on Monday, January 21, 2013 at 1:15 am
    What's holding me back from asking for forgiveness is the fact that I'm not sure if I'm actually sinning or just being stupid. (Either way, I don't like it.) I've had this crush on a guy for years, and he's been consuming my thoughts. I've been praying for God to help me through it, and I keep falling back into those feelings. I guess it's just one of those things that's human nature so I just keep falling into it, and there's nothing I can do except to keep asking God for His help again. Any other suggestions, or am I on the right track?
    Anonymous
    What if?
    on Monday, January 21, 2013 at 3:04 am
    What if I have sinned and the memories and thoughts keep haunting me everyday? People say to release it into God's hands, to leave it at the cross, to let it go and forgive.. but I have done that and the memories are so painful. The worse part of it all is knowing what was right and doing wrong, now feeling used, abused, unprotected because he used me to satisfy himself. What do I do then? Keep crying every single night and hope the memories will fade? Watch other couples happily living in God's way while being disgusted with his words to me every time I look at my own body? I don't want to pray that God will erase the feelings because then I would never be able to understand the hurts others may one day go through that I may help them through because I once had the same pain. But I want the memories of what he's done to me and my body to just stop haunting me...
    RK
    perfect timing
    on Monday, January 21, 2013 at 3:06 am
    This post really speaks to me. i have this kind of sin that frustating me of, daydreaming. i am always thinking or fantasizing of what i wanna be, what i want to have. i couldnt control myself to stop thnking all about it.

    i am wondering if reading novels okay??because i really love readng and i dont know if its ok. thanks.
    Ellen
    Crushed.
    on Monday, January 21, 2013 at 3:17 am
    What holds me back?
    The fear that I've committed a mortal sin and can't be forgiven. Now, please listen me out.

    I fell back into sin, even though I knew it was wrong. But I wanted to see just how far I could go without crossing the line. It was a decision that I made, fully knowing and hating its nature, but still doing it.

    I feel like if I accept His forgiveness so easily, it would be belittling the sacrifice He made. I can't just say that I'm sorry, and then fall again. Because, really, when I repent, whats the guarantee that I wont do it again? i certainly dont want to, but here I am...
    I make a decision to turn away from it, but hey, when I get tired, sloppy in not reading my Bible, and not spending enough time with God, there it is. Sticking its ugly head at me.
    And I know that God is loving, and merciful, but if I neglect His strict side, I would just be fooling myself.
    Writing this comment, I fully realized how confused I really am...
    I am just so crushed.
    Kalesha
    Me too
    on Monday, January 21, 2013 at 3:34 am
    Hi, so what anonymous has written in why if is exactly how I feel, why ant the memories just go away? I don't want to remember the life I used to have And I have repented but I can't get it to go away, what am I meant to do? I've tries everything but nothing works
    If god promised he's remove our sins why does he leave behind the memory's ? Or am I bot forgiven yet ?
    mommy
    blog time
    on Monday, January 21, 2013 at 7:59 am
    My dear girls - I notice the time of morning you are all up writing to this blog. I am praying for you. I am a mom of a teenage girl and we have just gotten priority housing for domestic violence. My heart goes out to my daughter and to you - please turn to God first - obey Him, He loves you and will bless you when you obey Him. Praise God for His blessings!
    I will probably never come back to this blog - so don't give up reading your Bible and praying. Jesus loves you!
    Doula@16
    Perfect Timing... Agian!
    on Monday, January 21, 2013 at 9:44 am
    Hello!
    I am new to the blog (I joined about 2 weeks ago). I have really enjoyed all of the post and comments, they have been so encouraging!
    I am a sister to 10 and a christian of 4 years. I have attended church all of my life-but I am still a sinner! I have found encouragment from other girls struggling with the same things that I do.
    I made the choice several years ago to remain physically and emotionally pure for the man I will marry. But I really appreciate this post because I have met a lot of girls who are not sure about purity and if it is worth it. I say yes it is! I know what it is like to desire to be married, to long to have someone love and hold you. But really Christ is the lover of our soul! He is the bridgroom of the church (us!) and He is earnestly seeking to have us fall head over heels for Him! Did you know that in Zec. 2:8 God refers to us as teh "apple of His eye"? How amazing that each one of us individually and collectivly (the church) are the apple of the King's eye!
    Well, I really hopped on here to leave a comment because I agree with RK about the daydreaming. I had been struggling with day dreaming for about 5 years--and I know that it has stunted my spiritual growth. I would repent and stop daydreaming for months before I fell back into "dreaming" agian. About 3 weeks ago I took this sin to my mom, confessing it, and it has really helped. I have struggled with desireing to "dream", but I have not done it since! God truly is great! This dreaming always seemed to make me happy (Satans lie) when I started it, but I was always discontent and depressed. I have had so much peace and joy since I completly turned my sin over to God and chose think on those things of above!
    Thanks for all the encouragment...I hope this encourages someone else!
    God Bless!
    Kaylee S. Smith
    Freedom Accepted
    on Monday, January 21, 2013 at 10:03 am
    Hello,

    One of the hardest things that I have had to do, was to tell a female leader at my church about my sexual sin a couple days ago. But let me just say...I feel so VERY much better! I felt so burdened down before - so unworthy of God's love, dirty, ashamed, etc. But now I feel like my old self - something I haven't felt in a really, really long time.

    The second hardest thing to do, though, was to ACCEPT that God has forgiven me. I needed to ACCEPT the freedom from sin that God's only Son died for! I repented and now my life has turned around. And a side note to that is: I used to have medium/mild acne on my face, but now I see it drastically clearing up. I believe that the sin I had deep down was causing to much stress to my body that it showed itself in a physical way/affliction or a sickness, almost. And now that I have gotten rid of the sin and accepted Christ's forgiveness, my body has not been nearly as stressed.

    I am telling this to encourage y'all that GOD DOES FORGIVE! And there are consequences to every action - in this case (with accepting forgiveness), there was a good consequence (physical healing).

    God Bless y'all - always remember the popular saying, 'God loves you as you are, but He loves you too much to leave you that way'. He cares for you beyond belief <3

    Love in Christ,

    ~ Kaylee S. Smith
    Ashlee
    Re: Vanilla
    on Monday, January 21, 2013 at 10:14 am
    Hey, Vanilla,
    I completely relate to you! I had a crush for 5 years, and it drove me crazy! Even though I'm finally on the other side, I remember how thought-consuming it was.
    My mistake was to focus too much on the crush; I kept trying to figure out how to stop my attraction, if it was meant to be, if I was "doomed", etc...
    I encourage you not to do what I did. Even though it's important to take everything to God, don't focus so much on it. Instead, focus on God's faithfulness, love, and glory. Also, know that you can grow closer to God through it all!
    When I look back at my journalling, I rejoice that God taught me so much in those 5 years. There were ups and downs (and times I've repented of for idolizing), but there was so much more important stuff going on in my life than that guy (even though the crush seemed deadly serious at times)!
    Now, I look back and laugh. You will be able to, also. Just keep persevering and running to God. :)
    <3 Ashlee
    Kaylee S. Smith
    DayDreaming . . .
    on Monday, January 21, 2013 at 10:16 am
    I have been struggling with day-dreaming as well. There are two main types of day-dreams that I, sadly, choose to think on all day long (hindering me from what I'm supposed to be doing).

    1. Romantic thoughts about guys

    2. Thoughts of my future life

    The second one in and of itself is not considered 'bad'. Of course we should think about our future and what God's desire for our life is. But I personally know that I can think about it way TOO much. I believe THAT is when it becomes a problem.

    About the first one (romantic thoughts about guys) - I have recently started to use the well known verse of Philippians 4:8 (NLT), "And now, dear brothers and sisters, one final thing. Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise." Every time that I start to think romantic thoughts that cause me to give my heart away and not be a good gatekeeper of my mind, (Proverbs 4:23 (NASB) - "Watch over your heart with all diligence, For from it flow the springs of life.") I run to Philippians 4:8. Even if I am in the dark of my room at night, all cozy into bed, I still make myself get up and read the verse straight from the Bible - causing myself to not only read the verse, but to change locations (as Erin once suggested) and get my mind off of its previous sinful thoughts.

    About the future thing. I find that when I think on my future too much, that I start to worry about it. Anyone know what I mean? The Bible verse that I have learned to run to when I start 'overly' thinking about my future, is, Matthew 6:34 (NIV), "Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own."

    I pray that this encourages/helps anyone out there who also struggles with those two kind of day-dreams. God Bless y'all!

    Love As A Sister In Christ,

    ~ Kaylee S. Smith
    Anonymous
    Anyways
    on Monday, January 21, 2013 at 11:18 am
    It breaks my heart to read these comments and know that there are people that still hurt. I have broken my heart by often fantasizing about what my life would be like with a certain guy(s), would it be fun to have a boyfriend who would always love me etc. Whenever, (which is pretty much always) these daydreams let me down I am crushed, but my God has taught me that He loves me anyway; no matter how much I run to things of the world to give me pleasure I can always run back to the one who died for my sins and gave me His righteous and blameless life as a gift when he died on the cross.

    My church has been going through the book of Hosea and my youth pastor and worship leader wrote a song based on the message of unconditional love, mercy and grace that God gives to his children even though we, as sinners, constantly let our hearts go after things of this world. I would like to share a part of the song with all of you beautiful ladies:
    "This is all I have.
    I have thrown my love away.
    Though I am a mess,
    You love me anyway.
    What love! Great love!
    Come sweep me off my feet."
    This has been so encouraging to me that I just had to share it.
    Marissa
    I have been healed
    on Monday, January 21, 2013 at 11:35 am
    I went through times where I struggled with following God and following the strife in my heart that wanted more and more of guys. But guess what?! God has healed me and I am getting baptized on Sunday (if my parents approve) and God really works wonders. He is amazing and to him be the glory! He can heal you too of whatever you're going through!

    I hope you find this as encouragement. :)
    -Marissa
    Jen
    @RK
    on Monday, January 21, 2013 at 11:48 am
    Hey RK,
    I have gone thru the same thing you went thru, but mine was really really really bad, like I couldn't go for a day without daydreaming.
    For me personally, i can't read certain books or even watch television, because it all kinda draws me back to daydreaming. If you are having troubles with daydreaming maybe you should take a break from reading for a while. See what happens. Does it help you not to daydream?
    Also, romance novels especially I feel like I can't handle in terms of daydreaming. Like Kaylee S. Smith, a lot of my dreams included romantic thoughts about guys, and the romantic novels really hurt my ability to stop daydreaming as they added food to the fire.
    Hope this helps
    God bless you RK!
    Natalie
    For Ellen and all others feeling despair
    on Monday, January 21, 2013 at 12:32 pm
    Your story is so similar to the story bringing me to Christ. Growing up in a Christian household, I knew of my sin, and I knew it needed to go. So, a plan must be made!

    Of course, to me, this meant taking care of it myself. My method was to feel remorse, to worry myself, and to apologize for anything and everything I did wrong. This lead to chaos. Soon, I was apologizing for sins years back (that's the problem with a really strong memory :), hardly eating, and having trouble falling asleep.

    Soon I was just in a dark haze in my life, going through the motions, getting little to no sleep, worrying like crazy, and not eating because anytime I tried to eat, my body wouldn't accept it.

    Through this time my parents read to me many Scriptures, such as Philippians 4:6-7, which stuck later, but it was a process of realizing God's grace abounds and saves, and His grace alone. Though this might be shocking, but I loved feeling the deep pit in my stomach, I loved worrying because I felt this was a way to pay for my sins. But the only thing I could create was not freedom, but chaos, hopelessness, and more sin. But Christ offers peace.

    Accepting His forgiveness is really not an easy thing because for me, it required me to acknowledge my sin, my insufficiency. It was a fight of my will against God's forgiveness!
    Accepting and embracing His forgiveness completely is not a mockery of the significant sacrifice He made, for Paul says in Romans 5:20b," But where sin abounded, grace did much more abound." NOTHING you or I do cannot be covered by grace.

    At a youth conference about finding your only true identity in Christ and Christ alone, this very topic of being a sinner in Christ spoke to my heart. A quote by CharIes Spurgeon (Great preacher and man of God!), touched EVERYONE in the room.
    "I know what the devil will say to you. 
    He will say to you, ‘You are a sinner!’
    Tell him you know you are, but that for all that you are justified. 
    He will tell you of the greatness of your sin. 
    Tell him of the greatness of Christ’s righteousness. 
    He will tell you of all your mishaps and your backslidings, of your offences and your wanderings. 
    Tell him, and tell your own conscience, that you know all that,
    but that Jesus Christ came to save sinners, and that, although your sin be great, Christ is quite able to put it all away."

    Use your very sin to say to the devil and to your doubts, YES, I sin, and that means God's REDEMPTION is for me. Your very sin is the very reason why Christ died, why you can become a child of God. Look at the tract record of some of the Bible's greatest heroes, the following were murderers- Moses, King David, and Paul.

    This is not ignoring His strict side, His righteous side. This is acknowledging it, and accepting the only way ANYONE can every live in a relationship with such a holy God, through Christ's forgiveness.

    Now, I know you mentioned being afraid to fall again, and not being able to guarantee you won't fall again. Your very desire to not fall again is beautiful, and shows a heart desiring to live in Christ. It is true that we must try to live each day in pursuance of God's plan and righteousness, and to seek His wisdom in avoiding sin. But we will all fall short of the glory of God, but this is exactly why Christ is our Savior! He is here to help us live according to Him, to pick us up when we fall, and to start again with us. His mercies are new each morning.

    I know this is a very long post, congratulations to those who finished it, but once you have accepted Christ's forgiveness for this area of your life (I will keep you in my prayers, my sister in Christ!), stay accountable to other Christians. Have a line of encouraging friends you can count on to root you on DAILY in your pursuance of Christ's plan. Set up boundaries, tell your trusted Christian mentors about your boundaries, and have them check up on you with them. For me, since I am so easily swayed into impure thoughts, this means no emailing guys and no being alone with a guy without a few other people in the room or in the conversation.

    Ellen, you are a precious soul to the Lord, keep fighting! The devil knows the plans God has for you, and trust me, he will try to throw all sorts of doubts and insufficiencies at you to get you to despair. In your weakness Christ is strong.

    With love and prayers, Natalie
    Helon
    Kaylee S. Smith
    on Monday, January 21, 2013 at 12:54 pm
    Heyy I think we are quite simil ar, but am still struggling to tell someone about my sin, maybe its my pride or something, even though i have a strong convection that i really need to tell someone about it…but my mind still thinks that i can do this between me and God… although these few days i can resist the temptation to sin, am hunting by the thought that i will commit that sin again, but am feeling really great that am not giving into that temptation these few days…the taste of freedom to that bondage is so great…please pray for me sisters…as i'm striving to stay pure for my husband in the furtute and God :)
    Jacquelyn
    @Marissa
    on Monday, January 21, 2013 at 1:21 pm
    Hey Girl,
    I am so happy for you and I hope that your parents approve! You are so right that God works wonders! I praise the Lord for you and the work that God has done in your heart. I am praying for you!
    Lots of Love,
    Jacquelyn
    Sarah, with the LYWB team
    @mommy...
    on Monday, January 21, 2013 at 2:20 pm
    Thank you for your words of wisdom for these girls. Just a note to let you know our team is praying for you and your daughter. May you know the deep, deep love and care of the Savior--His grace and His peace.
    Kaylee S. Smith
    @ Helon
    on Monday, January 21, 2013 at 2:24 pm
    Helon,

    I know how hard that temptation can be - it's hard to beat it. But once done, it gets easier every time to say 'no' to the devil whom is the one tempting.

    I do not wish to sound bossy, nor sounding like I'm telling you what to do. But here is my suggestion backed up with a Biblical reference. James 5:16 (NIV) says, "Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective." I did just that (confessed to an older (not a peer) Christian female) and I was prayed for by her and I was set free! I deeply encourage you to do the same: confess to an older Christian woman in your life.

    It WAS NOT easy to tell this lady at my church (she is an adult leader at my youth group) about my sexual sin. But I feel loads better now that I did - I know for certain that it was Biblical and necessarily for me to tell her about this certain sin in my life.

    The devil tries to plant lies into our minds to stop us from telling others about our bondage(s)/sin(s). But we have to push past that and do the hard Biblical things.

    I encourage you to pray about it, and if you still feel that you need to tell a Christian woman in your life, then I will be praying for you to have strength to follow through with what God shows you. Regardless of anything, I will still be praying for you! God bless, Helon.

    Love In Christ As A Sister,

    ~ Kaylee S. Smith
    Anonymous
    Why guilt?
    on Monday, January 21, 2013 at 2:25 pm
    It seems to me the true issue at hand is your belief that having thoughts of attraction for another person is somehow sinful. You are human and these feelings are natural. You cannot be an asexual being, waiting for marriage and then suddenly turn into the wife you want to be in terms of being attracted to your husband. There is nothing sinful or shameful about feeling desire for another.
    The shame that others say you should feel is what creates the strife in your life. Emotional purity is harmful, in that it doesn't allow you to work out your feelings and deal with them in a mature manner. If you don't know how to deal with your feelings like a rational adult, how will you resolve problems in your marriage when they come along?
    Don't feel ashamed by what you feel, but analyse it and figure out what it is you need out of a partner, a friend. Etc. feeling shame and guilt will only ensure you blame your self for what are normal feelings and desires.
    Doula@16
    Perfect Timing... Agian!
    on Monday, January 21, 2013 at 2:37 pm
    Hello!
    I am new to the blog (I joined about 2 weeks ago). I have really enjoyed all of the post and comments, they have been so encouraging!
    I am a sister to 10 and a christian of 4 years. I have attended church all of my life-but I am still a sinner! I have found encouragment from other girls struggling with the same things that I do.
    I made the choice several years ago to remain physically and emotionally pure for the man I will marry. But I really appreciate this post because I have met a lot of girls who are not sure about purity and if it is worth it. I say yes it is! I know what it is like to desire to be married, to long to have someone love and hold you. But really Christ is the lover of our soul! He is the bridgroom of the church (us!) and He is earnestly seeking to have us fall head over heels for Him! Did you know that in Zec. 2:8 God refers to us as teh "apple of His eye"? How amazing that each one of us individually and collectivly (the church) are the apple of the King's eye!
    Well, I really hopped on here to leave a comment because I agree with RK about the daydreaming. I had been struggling with day dreaming for about 5 years--and I know that it has stunted my spiritual growth. I would repent and stop daydreaming for months before I fell back into "dreaming" agian. About 3 weeks ago I took this sin to my mom, confessing it, and it has really helped. I have struggled with desireing to "dream", but I have not done it since! God truly is great! This dreaming always seemed to make me happy (Satans lie) when I started it, but I was always discontent and depressed. I have had so much peace and joy since I completly turned my sin over to God and chose think on those things of above!
    Thanks for all the encouragment...I hope this encourages someone else!
    God Bless!
    Doula@16
    Sorry
    on Monday, January 21, 2013 at 2:39 pm
    I love all of the encouragment everyone is posting!
    Sorry My computer is having some problems because it told me my post did not post but when I re-posted it it appeared twice!
    Andrea
    wow love this post
    on Monday, January 21, 2013 at 2:40 pm
    This post is really encouraging.
    I've had various crushes over the years. of course, what girl doesn't. But the next to last one was more serious-he liked me too (or his friend said he did and I believed him). BUT-then (and I encourage every. single. girl. in. the. WORLD. to read this book!!!!!!) I read
    BEFORE YOU MEET PRINCE CHARMING.
    by Sarah Mally
    And it changed my life.
    I had been going behind my parents backs, using Mom's cell and texting and calling this guy and meeting him secretly when me and my friend would be out riding our horses.
    So, after I read this book, I confessed everything.
    BUT-of course there are still temptations.
    Recently I've been convicted that the Lord wants me (when I'm older) in a certain type of ministry. (Its still too special to share on here :). Anyway, a little later, I started noticing this guy at church. I checked his Facebook page out and wow-he's a great Christian. AND he's totally into horses, which I also have horses and the ministry that I would love to have involves horses. SOOOOO you can see where this is going-right? :)
    Yes, I had a huge crush on him. I knew I wanted to save my heart for my future husband, so i tried very hard to not think about him.
    Recently, I've wrote all my dreams and desires (marrying this guy was on) on paper, then went down the list and surrendered each to the Lord. Then I tore the paper up. It was hard, but God has blessed me, and I now longer struggle with thoughts about him-but just you wait until I start noticing another guy and I'll have to do that again.

    I encourage you to tear up your dreams and exchange them for God's perfect will. And if you have already messed up....
    "If we confess our sins he is faithful and just, and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness".
    This verse is beautiful!!
    Kaylee S. Smith
    @ Anonymous - ('Why guilt?' post)
    on Monday, January 21, 2013 at 2:40 pm
    Hello There,

    I am not saying that having an attraction to a guy is bad - God did make those feelings. But it's what we do with them that can go down one of two main roads, as far as I see it.

    1. One could take the natural attraction feeling towards a guy and constantly think about it, think about him, and all that.

    Or the other main option -

    2. One could take the natural attraction feeling towards a guy and give them to God's Hand and place one's heart into His possession until God is ready for one to get married. And chose to NOT meditate on the feelings towards the guy(s) and simple focus one's thoughts on Jesus Christ.

    Do you agree with this or am I not seeing what you are saying?

    I hope to talk with you soon.

    ~ Kaylee S. Smith
    Brittany
    Re:
    on Monday, January 21, 2013 at 4:50 pm
    Thanks for the great post! I'll admit that I have fallen under emotional sins with day dreaming about sex. But, I'm glad to know that God truly does forgive me and that I can move on from it.
    Kayla
    My Observations
    on Monday, January 21, 2013 at 5:48 pm
    Pursuing purity in the midst of this society is really difficult. I think we can all agree to that. We have external and internal pressures, whether we are single, married, divorced, or otherwise. I love the way this ministry has focused on emotional purity, understanding our needs to be loved and wanted, but setting down boundaries and limitations to help us along our way. As a single 30 year old woman I read some passages in the scriptures and I identify with them, since I see that my flesh (my hormones) don’t necessarily cooperate with me and neither do the constant images, music, and content in our media, to help me to remain pure in thought, body, and soul. What we are pursuing ultimately is holiness, something that seems like such an impossible for many of us, but we must take heart. God has given us all the tools for us to be able to overcome each phase of our lives with His strength. Ultimately I’ve come to the conclusion that in marriage or out of it, we need the fruits that come from the Holy Spirit: self-control, faithfulness…love(defined God’s way, not ours). Our needs cannot be tempered with human strength alone. The help of the Holy Spirit is for us, but only if we let him. He is a person after all. He may be trying to help, sanctify, and cleanse us but the choice is also in our hands. It is in our thoughts and what we feed ourselves with. Honestly, how many of us notice what goes in our eyes, ears, and senses. The words we need to hear to make us Feel a certain way. These are just some of my observation to denote our role in the pursuit for purity. It isn’t a matter of just abstaining but also a matter of pursuing, lest our flesh overcome the desire of our spirit. In heaven there won’t be eating and marriage and God knows what other things. We’re in preparation for more than that
    Cat
    Will I regret kissing before?
    on Monday, January 21, 2013 at 6:42 pm
    So I'm seventeen and I've saved my first kiss for that special guy. I always though it would be marriage. But now I got callbacks for the lead of a play and I really wanted...and I found out if I get the part I'm going to have to kiss a guy! Does that count as my first kiss? I mean, it's just pretend right? (it's a real kiss, not a stage kiss and my directors insist it can't be) Should I accept the role or ask for a smaller role? I feel like kissing for a play is no big deal, but will I regret it later?
    Anonymous
    Re: Cat
    on Monday, January 21, 2013 at 8:09 pm
    I think you should listen to your conscience on this one. Kissing someone isn't a sin, so it's a personal choice. Would you feel comfortable kissing someone, knowing that it's fake? Or would you always remember that as your first kiss? I'd suggest praying and thinking about it.
    2B
    @Anonymous- What if?
    on Monday, January 21, 2013 at 8:34 pm
    I just wanted to tell you that you are never alone.

    So often in my own life I just cry out inside "God, I can't do this, I can't go on. It just hurts too much."

    But He says, "You can. I am here. I will be the strength you need. I will not let you fall. If I am for you, who can be against you?"

    And then I ask, "Why, God, why me? What did I do?"

    And then I hear back, "Why not? I am bigger than anything you can imagine. I made the universe, and I made you. I hold you in the palm of my hand. My child, you do not suffer without cause. What men intend for evil, I intend for good. I love you. I lived and died for you; can you do the same for me?"

    God bless you.
    a girl
    I'm GUILTY of the nails that pierced Your hands
    on Tuesday, January 22, 2013 at 1:27 am
    I have the same prob, it's the memories that haunt me. Ya know, you ask for forgiveness....then the next time you remember it you ask for forgivness again because it's all just so ugly and humiliating, you just feel like you're dirty and need a cleansing. But Beth Moore said something once in a video that you shouldn't keep asking for forgivness for something you've already asked forgivness for because God has already forgiven you and to ask Him again is like saying He didn't fully forgive you the first time, which is like insulting God, like saying "I know You said You'd forgive me: but I don't feel it, so You must not have yet". No, He has forgiven you and me already, as soon as we ask Him to. That's His promise to us.

    Feelings can deceive us. From a romantic flick to the pangs of feeling unforgivable. Those are just feelings. They aren't the plausable truth and promises God has for us-- He promises that He forgives us, and that's true weather we 'feel' like He has or not. We just need to believe Him more.

    check out this song by Nicole C. Mullen called "Forgive me"

    Like many waterfalls I cry
    Like something deep inside has died
    Oh the hurt, the guilt, the pain
    To know I broke Your heart again

    Like a hurricane that blows
    A thunderstorm inside my soul
    So can You speak unto the wind
    And renew my life again

    Chorus:
    Forgive me
    I have sinned
    I am guilty of the nails that pierced Your hands
    Oh, I'm crying out,
    purify,
    Rid me of this guiltiness I feel inside
    I'm begging please
    Forgive me

    I can't describe what's in my soul
    I feel ashamed to let You know
    Oh the burden, oh the weight
    That I've carried from that, that day
    But You were there, You saw it all
    Every detail great and small
    And yet You love me just the same
    And You remind me that You came
    Lord You came

    Bridge:
    Create in me a clean heart
    Renew my spirit too
    Restore to me joy, real joy
    Make me more like You
    More like You

    Forgive me
    I have sinned
    I am guilty of the nails that pierced Your hands,
    Oh I'm guilty, I'm guilty,
    But when I cry out, You purify
    And heal me of this brokenness I feel inside
    And faithfully
    You hear my plea
    Faithfully, You forgive me
    Jesus, You forgive me

    You can listen to it here:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MvELvGDvAV8
    Lorree, with the LYWB team
    @ Helon
    on Tuesday, January 22, 2013 at 4:07 pm
    I’m praying for you, Helon, and asking God to give you the courage to bring your sin out into the light so that its power over your life can be shattered. I’m asking Him to lead you to a godly woman you can trust with your heart and who can encourage you and pray for you. It will be worth it to be freed from the bondage you are experiencing, Helon! Who will you talk to today, my friend?
    Lorree, with the LYWB team
    @ Vanilla
    on Tuesday, January 22, 2013 at 4:27 pm
    It might help you to check out these blogs on idols as you try to determine whether or not you are sinning in regards to the guy you like:

    The Story of a Girl and Her Idol
    http://www.liesyoungwomenbelieve.com/index.php?id=862
    How to Spot an Idol
    http://www.liesyoungwomenbelieve.com/index.php?id=720
    Steps toward Removing an Idol
    http://www.liesyoungwomenbelieve.com/index.php?id=863
    Are Crushes Okay?
    http://www.liesyoungwomenbelieve.com/index.php?id=665

    . God is faithful to forgive us when we confess our sins. But we may still struggle even though we are forgiven. Making the decision to not dwell on your thoughts about this guy is one step. But you also need to replace those thoughts with God’s Word. Memorizing Scripture has been a great way for me to take my thoughts captive and to overcome many sinful thoughts in my life. Why don’t you give it a try and see if you find it helpful, too? You could memorize Philippians 4:4-8 to start with. Anytime your thoughts begin to be consumed with “guy thoughts”, you can quote this to yourself until you have those thoughts taken captive again. I’m praying for you, Vanilla! God has a way through this. He’s there to help you each step of the way!
    Lorree, with the LYWB team
    @ Anonymous: What if?
    on Tuesday, January 22, 2013 at 5:03 pm
    I’m sorry to hear you are struggling so, my friend! I have found forgiveness to be a process—especially when you have been wounded as deeply as you have. I have chosen to forgive someone in the past, but my emotions lead me to remember the pain and the hurt I experienced. When that has happened to me, I have found it helpful to actually say out loud, “I have forgiven them.” It helps to remind me of the choice I have made in the past. And then it helps to say once again, “I’m forgiving them again today” making it a conscious choice to continue to walk in forgiveness.

    When we ask God to forgive us our sins, Anonymous, He forgives us completely and fully. 1 Jn. 1:9 says He not only forgives, but He cleanses us, too. When He forgives, He removes our sins as far as the east is from the west (Ps. 103). We must choose to receive and believe what He says. He loves you, my friend, and longs to free you from the burden you are carrying and replace the hurt and anger you feel with His love and peace.

    If you would send me a comment through info@reviveourhearts.com and include your postal address, I’d like to send you a resource to help you work through the process of forgiving this guy and moving beyond the pain and anger you feel. I’m praying for you right this minute, my friend!
    RK
    Jen, Kaylee
    on Wednesday, January 23, 2013 at 8:10 am
    Hey girls thank you . i think that is what really happening to me. God bless you guys :)
    Alexis Leanna Renee
    Something to share.
    on Wednesday, January 23, 2013 at 11:51 pm
    I just wanted to share something with you girls. A couple months back, I met this guy. He and I hit it off right from the start. I wouldn't say that we're boyfriend and girlfriend, but he's DEFINITELY a potential boyfriend when I'm a bit older.
    Right now he and I are best friends.

    A reason why I say he might be a potential boyfriend is because of something he said to me, the sweetest thing a guy has EVER said to me. I told him about my commitment to purity till marriage, down to the first kiss.

    And he replied, "That's okay. I'm willing to wait."

    I know for a fact that this guy hasn't even had a girlfriend before. To say that he's willing to wait too... :)
    I've been praying almost every day that God's will would be done for me and this guy, and I know he's been praying too.

    Everyone has their own standards of purity, but girls, if a guy says that, well... (Seriously consider that guy! You've found a good one!)
    Lorree, with the LYWB team
    @ Anonymous - Why Guilt?
    on Thursday, January 24, 2013 at 12:36 pm
    Thanks for sharing your thoughts, Anonymous. Attraction to guys is not necessarily sinful. But fantasizing and obsessing with guys certainly have the potential to lead us to sin. When we can’t think of anything but guys, we have fallen into the sin of idolatry. God desires that we worship Him and Him alone—not guys or relationships or anything else. God is faithful to forgive our sins as we confess them and turn away from them (1 Jn. 1:9).

    As we focus our hearts and energy on our personal relationship with God during these years, we will be much better prepared for a fruitful and fulfilling relationship later on when we are more mature and ready for that.
    Jenny
    concentrating on the problem
    on Thursday, January 24, 2013 at 4:23 pm
    Some other people have already made this point, but one of my biggest problems with getting over my crush(s) was that I concentrated on it. The best thing that you could do would be to think about other things. I realized that I needed to think about my relationship with God and my family, not the one I had with all the guys in the world. I needed to be a daughter and a sister! Our culture puts way to much emphasis on boy/girl relationships, as if that is what we are living our lives for. the best thing to do is not to concentrate on it.
    Selena
    TO: ALEXIS
    on Sunday, January 27, 2013 at 10:05 am
    WONDERFUL! I´m praying for you girl! You really blessed me with your story.

    PS: Ladies, check out the qualities of a true Prince Charming in 1 Timothy 3:1-10
    Carrie, with the LYWB team
    @Cat
    on Monday, January 28, 2013 at 10:37 am
    Wow. I’m so proud of you for intentionally saving your first kiss for your husband, Cat! As you consider this role, here are a few questions that may help you discern the best path for you.

    What caused you to be so intentional about saving your first kiss for your husband? How do you envision sharing your commitment with the man you will one day marry? Would kissing another man on stage in any way lessen/take away from the gift you have purposed to give your husband? Would the decision to kiss on stage potentially “ignite” a desire that can only be fulfilled with your husband? Do you have a caution/hesitancy in your spirit about doing this?

    Praying your decision will bring honor to the Lord and your future husband, friend. Here’s a past post that might be helpful as well: http://www.liesyoungwomenbelieve.com/index.php?id=744.
    Carrie, with the LYWB team
    @Kalesha
    on Monday, January 28, 2013 at 11:19 am
    Oh, precious friend, I’m sorry you are tormented by past sin. Scripture tells us that Satan is the “accuser” and loves to remind us of our past, but God forgives even the guilt of our sin (Psalm 32:5) when we humbly admit our sin and seek His forgiveness ( 1 John 1:9).

    Lamentations 3:19-20 gives insight into dealing with the recurrent memories, Kalesha. I remember my affliction and my wandering, the bitterness and the gall. I well remember them, and my soul is downcast within me. Yet this I call to mind and therefore I have hope: Because of the LORD's great love we are not consumed, for His compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness (Lamentations 3:19-20).

    When memories overtake you, do what the writer of Lamentations did…use it as a reminder to “remember” he Lord’s great love and mercy toward you. Thank the Lord for what He has done in setting you free. Thank Him that He loved you even when you caught in the darkness of sin. Thank Him that in His love He rescued you; He delivered you; He set you free. Thank Him for the reminder of what happens when you run your own life and reaffirm your desire that the Lord be the Savior and Ruler of your life.

    The enemy of your soul wants to torment you, friend; don’t allow him to continue. Jesus has won the battle. You can now “ cover” your mind with the hope of the helmet of salvation (Eph. 6). Our hope is not that we have never sinned; our hope is that we have a Savior who has rescued us from our sin and we never have to return to that place again…because of Jesus!

    Praying for you in this battle, my friend.
    Carrie, with the LYWB team
    @Ellen
    on Monday, January 28, 2013 at 11:29 am
    Precious friend the belief that you cannot be forgiven is a lie from the pit of hell. The Lord is indeed both holy and righteous and filled with mercy and grace. In His mercy and grace He sent Jesus to die for the very sin that you hate and yet chose to commit. The just punishment for that sin (death) has been paid for in the death of Christ, Ellen.

    “In repentance and rest you shall be saved. In quietness and trust is your strength. But you were not willing…Therefore, the LORD longs to be gracious to you, And therefore He waits on high to have compassion on you. For the LORD is a God of justice; How blessed are all those who long for Him (Isa. 30:18).”
    I’m praying for you today, Ellen. The Lord is longing to pour out His grace and forgiveness to you. May you long for Him today, my friend.

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