God's Truth On Your Secret Sexual Sin

a Guest Blogger 10/22/13
Category: Myself ; 49 comments

 

God's Truth on Your Secret Sexual Sin

 

WARNING: The following content might not be appropriate for all readers.

From the LYWB.com team: We've received lots of comments lately from girls wrestling with masturbation. We've written about it here and here and done a vlog about it here, but since we continue to hear from so many of you on this subject, we decided to recruit some help. Meet Tim and Aileen Challies. Tim is a pastor and author. We thought he'd be a good voice on this subject because of his book Sexual Detox: A Guide For Guys Who Are Sick of Porn. We love how the Challies point you toward the Word of God to answer your questions about this tough issue.

The Bible is not silent on the subject of masturbation. It does not leave us guessing. It's true that Scripture never mentions masturbation specifically. However, because the Bible does speak thoroughly and explicitly about sexuality and sinful lust, it doesn't have to speak explicitly about something so closely related as masturbation.

Let's look at two ways we can know that the Bible speaks to masturbation without ever naming it.

First, consider that if masturbation is extremely common (as are most sins), and nearly always associated with sinful lust, we can safely assume the same was true in the ancient world. So think of Jesus delivering the Sermon on the Mount. He essentially said "to imagine having sex with a woman is a kind of adultery" (Matt. 5:28). Don't you think masturbation is a clear application and exactly the kind of action He was thinking about?

Second, consider that the Bible never refers directly to abortion. Yet because Scripture speaks clearly about the value of human life and the sin of murder, we are right to conclude that abortion is sin. In almost precisely the same way, because Scripture speaks clearly about the power of sexuality and the sin of lust, we can conclude that masturbation is nearly always sinful. In each case the specific action is so closely linked to the larger category of sin that the connection and shared moral status are simply obvious.

The Damage Done
Why, exactly, is masturbation sinful? Most importantly, just like any other sin, because it violates God's holiness. Masturbation is against God, against His ways and His purposes for how men and women are to relate to one another in a marital union that reflects the relationship of Christ to the Church.

Masturbation is also sinful because it compromises us. We are made in God's image. We are meant to glorify Him in every aspect of our lives, and masturbation hinders us in this mission in two principal ways—by polluting our minds and by inclining us to isolation.

Mind Pollution
Sexual gratification, of course, is not merely a physical act, but one that engages the mind, often quite intensely. During masturbation, pornographic images, whether seen externally or visualized internally or just plain imagined, nearly always provide a kind of fuel. Indeed, the vast majority of the time, these fantasies are nearly impossible to separate from the masturbation itself. This type of fantasy can be dangerous in at least two ways.

First, as most adults have learned the hard way, reality is rarely as wonderful as fantasy. Many people create expectations for sex that reality cannot meet. In fantasy everything always works, the other person is always willing and able to participate. In other words, it is nothing like real life. And in that way fantasy eventually and inevitably forms unhealthy and unrealistic expectations of sex.

Second, just as sex scenes in movies rarely involve married couples who can, before God, legitimately enjoy sex, fantasy will rarely revolve around legitimate sexual partners. In theory, it is perfectly fine for a woman to dream of a sexual encounter with her husband, but beyond that God gives us no right to fantasize, even about a pretend husband or a person who may one day be a husband. Masturbation, even under those circumstances, may encourage any woman to fill her mind and desires and fantasies with thoughts of other men. And a single Christian woman, having no God-given partner with whom she can consummate sexual desire, simply has no legitimate reason for pursuing sexual fantasy at all.

Some will protest that when they masturbate it is merely a physical act, something done to relieve stress or boredom. They will insist that they do not succumb to thinking inappropriate thoughts. I am extremely skeptical of these claims, but I do not dismiss them, because I cannot see into anyone else's heart or read anyone else's mind. But even assuming, for the sake of argument, that a small proportion of women masturbate without any pornographic images or fantasies in their heads, there is still at least one powerful reason why masturbation is so harmful.

Isolation
A close examination of the Bible's teaching on sexuality uncovers no reason to believe that God ever intended sex to be a private pursuit. Indeed, the heart and soul of sexuality is the giving and receiving of sexual pleasure between two people—one husband and one wife.Sex is intended to be a means of mutual fulfillment, an expression of love in which a husband thinks foremost of his wife and the wife thinks foremost of her husband. It is a uniquely powerful means by which husband and wife can fulfill the Lord's command to esteem another higher than oneself. As they fulfill each other's needs, they also have their own needs fulfilled. It is a beautiful picture of intimacy! As any married couple can testify, the more selfless the sex, the better sex becomes. The more each spouse seeks to please the other, the more fulfilling, gratifying, and beautiful the experience.

This mutual giving and receiving, the heart of God's purpose for sexuality, is exactly what masturbation does not and cannot provide. Masturbation strips sexuality of its divine purpose of mutual fulfillment. Where legitimate sexual expression is meant to produce unity, masturbation produces isolation and division. Masturbation is inherently self-centered. An act meant to be shared toward two people is completely and exclusively about one person, all alone. Masturbation deeply undermines a woman's ability to deny and resist her most self-centered, sinful, isolationist tendencies.

Masturbation simply cannot fulfill God's design for sexuality, and thus has no place in the life of one who calls herself a Christian.

Note: If you are someone who has struggled with masturbation or other sexual sin, be sure to come back to the blog tomorrow for Tim's post on handling the guilt.

(To read part 2 of this post, click here.)  

Comments

HEY, GIRLS! We love hearing from you, but feel limited in the ways we can help. For one thing, were not trained counselors. If youre seeking counsel, we encourage you to talk to your pastor or a godly woman in your life as theyll know more details and can provide you with ongoing accountability and help. Also, the following comments do not necessarily reflect the views of Revive Our Hearts. We reserve the right to remove comments which might be unhelpful, unsuitable, or inappropriate.

    Sophie Martin
    LGBTQ
    on Tuesday, October 22, 2013 at 7:34 am
    This has nothing to do with the post, but could you pray for me? This week at my school is LGBTQ week, and I've already had lots of questions on if I believe it's right, and then why I don't. It's been really hard, as I see some of my friends turn away from me, but it's an opportunity to stand up for Christ in a Godless high school. (Godless as in people are not believing in God) It's been REALLY difficult, but I know God's put me in this place for a reason. And I haven't had much opportunity to stand for Christ while I've been here, so I am ready to take this one. Please pray! Thank you!
    Erin Davis
    Sophie
    on Tuesday, October 22, 2013 at 9:40 am
    Jesus,

    Please equip Sophie to be salt and light in her dark school. Armor her up with the tools that only come from you and help her to present your Word in a way that is winsome and unapologetic.

    Amen

    Sophie,

    I have prayed for you and will continue to pray for you. I wonder if you would mind telling me more about what LGBTQ week is like at your school? I am hearing from a lot of girls who feel very pressured to accept or participate in homosexuality in school. I'd like to write about it, but want to get a feel for what is happening first.

    I am proud of you for standing for God's Truth.

    Grace and Peace,

    Erin
    Caitlin
    Thank you so much!
    on Tuesday, October 22, 2013 at 10:26 am
    Thanks you so much for this post! This is something I used to struggle w/ so much! (and occasionally still do) It's crazy what curiosity will lead you to look at and watch and want. Thanks for this post Erin, and I can't wait to read tomorrow's!
    Olivia
    Thank-you!
    on Tuesday, October 22, 2013 at 10:45 am
    I've had a lot of questions about masturbation lately and this has answered all of them. It has come at a perfect time as I have been more and more confused about it and feeling like it was definitely wrong. I have decided that I need to bring this to Christ as I am not able to do it on my own. Please pray for me as I don't really have anyone to talk too about these things. I can't wait for the blog tomorrow!
    The "not so waiting" bride to be
    curiosityisakiller
    on Tuesday, October 22, 2013 at 10:56 am
    This is a really good post...and I needed it. my bf does it ...and admitted it to me last year as a struggle for him....I was upset because he was a bad teenager and was the "good girl" he is an amazing Christian and in ministry now but still struggles with it...and now....so do I. He asked me if I had done it before or had issues...and I was curious.
    So I tried it....and it was a big mistake. ...now he is away at school and I am living on my own, alone to do whatever my mind thinks ....I am scared I opened a door I don't think is "wrong" enough to close. every time I try to stop i'll go a week and fail....
    I guess I am wondering if you would also consider posting on how to overcome the temptation and habit of masturbation.
    Girls google masturbation all the time and it's time that the flip side is what they see when they hit the search button.
    your post helps...its only when we admit that it is wrong will we even think about changing it...I mean, we aren't having sex with a guy so it can't be that bad right? ....that is the mentality of a lot of Christian girls and my excuse.
    how do you overcome it...? and to all the girls out there who have struggled...share your success stories? .....
    to all the girls still battling this....it's not too far gone, the first step is accepting that it is indeed a sin...and I took that step after reading this post....
    thank you for this post:)
    Re: bride
    Re: bride
    on Tuesday, October 22, 2013 at 11:11 am
    I would strongly suggest many books by Joshua Harris, especially Not A Hint. One of the chapters deals with, as he calls it, the m word. I hope this helps!
    T
    @Bride and anyone else
    on Tuesday, October 22, 2013 at 4:09 pm
    First, I just want to say that I am so sorry your curiosity got you trapped. One of the biggest lies out there about masturbation is that it's not addictive. This has been something I've struggled with all my life; I was so young that I don't even remember when I started or how I found out that it felt good, but I did and now I'm 19 and still struggle. At first it wasn't sexual at all because I didn't know why it felt good. After I got older, of course I learned why. I've had my ups and downs and I would love to share what has worked for me.

    First, and this is the hardest thing I've ever done, tell someone. You cannot truly begin the process of healing without someone to hold you accountable and be there to strengthen you. That said, be wise about who you tell and it should definitely be another woman.
    Next, figure out what triggers temptation and GET RID OF IT. It's hard and can be painful but it's necessary. Stress is one of my triggers so I can't study in my room alone. I have to go to the library or somewhere public. It's annoying but necessary. Another reason I do it is because I want to feel beautiful and sexy so this can be triggered by something as simple as window shopping online or watching a movie with a beautiful female lead. I want to look and feel like her and in my mind masturbating helps. For me, comparison to other girls causes it more than seeing a hot guy but that could be different for everyone so you have to figure out your own triggers.
    Third, say Jesus name out loud. Satan can't read your mind; he doesn't have that power. When you're tempted (I'm assuming you're alone anyway) say "No. I am a child of God! I belong to Jesus! I will not listen to you! I belong to Jesus."
    And of course that brings me to being close to Jesus. The closer you are to Him the easier this will be. You will want to do what He wants for you. Pray, be in the word, and spend a lot of time confessing and asking for His strength. Pray while you aren't facing temptation that you'll have the strength to resist when you do face it. Memorize scripture. Some of my favorites are Romans 6:14, Romans 8:2, (really, Romans is just really good for sin struggles. I'd start there.) 2 Corinthians 5:17, and 1 Corinthians 6:19. There are lots of others too. Post them where you'll see them. Fill yourself with His truth and grace.

    Sorry this was so long but I know that with God, we can overcome this and I really hope this helps. I'll be praying for all of you ladies dealing with this and ask that you do the same. Remember, God loves you more than you'll ever be able to understand. Blessings to all of you!
    Dakota
    Thank you!!! AND RE: Bride
    on Tuesday, October 22, 2013 at 4:17 pm
    Thank you! God has used you just when I needed it. I have had victory over masturbation for months now and I never plan on doing that sin again. However, I've had alot of guy issues lately-lusting, being rejected, & just having to walk away from a harmful relationship. It hurt and the enemy has brought that temptation back into my life. I don't want to masturbate and this has encouraged me that I can do it!!! I have the strength through Christ to keep victory over this! So thank you so very much!

    I don't what to say but quote scripture. Here are some for you:
    "Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price, Therefore honor God with your bodies." 1Cor 6:19-20
    "God's will is for you to be holy, so stay away from all sexual sin. Then each of you will control hos own body and live in holiness and honor - God has called us to live holy lives, not impure lives." 1Thes 4:3,4 &7
    "Since you have been raised to new life with Chris, set your sights on the realities of heaven, where Christ sits in the place of honor at God's right hand. Think about the things of heaven, not the things of earth. For you died to this life, and your real life is hidden with Chris in God." Col 3:1-3
    "So put to death the sinful, earthly things lurking within you. Have nothing to do with sexual immorality, impurity, lust and evil desires." Col 3:5
    One more is Psalm 19:12-14. I just don't have time to type it, but it's a good one, too. Just remember you have an entire heaven of angels cheering you on & Jesus is right there with you every step. Lean on him & trust him. Love you!
    Kassie
    Re:
    on Tuesday, October 22, 2013 at 4:38 pm
    I believe in my heart that God wanted you to post this for me today. The reason I say this, is just last night I have prayed about my sexual sin. I prayed to God about masturbation and my sexual desires... I keep thinking there is no way out. This was grand timing for what I needed to hear. Thank you... the one thing I keep thinking in my mind is when I don't masterbate all day long I have sexual fantasies and thoughts, but if I do those thoughts go away and so does my sexual desires... but I know when I do masterbate it is going against God, but I think would I rather just get it over with or go all day long with those thoughts? Please pray for me that I will get over my sexual sin... Thanks.
    SavedByGrace
    Much Needed
    on Tuesday, October 22, 2013 at 7:26 pm
    Hope God helps me stop this act. I feel like a lonely collage student who is away from all the action. I turned to masturbation to keep me company. How silly and stupid of me. Now i struggle to stop.
    Right now i believe God has been looking out for me. This post came at the right time.
    Claire
    Is it okay not to know?
    on Tuesday, October 22, 2013 at 8:26 pm
    There's one particular comment on the past post "Bandaging the Bonds" that stood out to me -- the one where somebody asked what exactly is masturbation, and Erin's comment reply was to talk to an older Christian woman, but not to Google it. My question is, since I also don't know what it is (besides the very basic book dictionary definition, which is what I went to), is it okay for me not to know what it is? I'm afraid I'll get tempted and I don't want to run the risk of falling into disaster. Or is it something that I need to know about (like, for instance, rape)?
    T
    @Claire
    on Wednesday, October 23, 2013 at 12:36 am
    I would definitely say it's okay not to know. Sometimes ignorance is bliss. It's not something that can just happen to you like rape so I don't think it's something you NEED to be aware of. If you were like me who did it without knowing it had a name until I was 16, you would know by the dictionary definition that that's what it is. If anyone at LYWB disagrees with me, go with their answer but this is my opinion. And if you do eventually find out, DON'T TRY IT. It's playing with fire and you will get burned. Love you sister. God bless.
    Sarah, with the LYWB team
    @Claire...
    on Wednesday, October 23, 2013 at 8:00 am
    Oh, yes...it is not only OK for you not to know, but good that you don't. It will keep your mind pure to let this stay out of your thinking. As you can tell by the comments, it is a trap. I would encourage you to think on Philippians 4:8 things-"whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendableif there is any moral excellence and if there is any praisedwell on these things." Stop to thank the Lord that you have a pure mind in this area and ask Him to help you guard your mind from dwelling on it in curiosity. "Heavenly Father, I am so thankful for a girl like Claire who honestly desires to keep her mind pure. Help her this day to guard her mind and I pray, Father, that you will help her 'guard her heart and mind with all diligence, for out of it are the springs of life.' (Prov. 4:23) In Jesus' Name, Amen."
    Sarah, with the LYWB team
    @Sophie...
    on Wednesday, October 23, 2013 at 8:06 am
    Our staff is praying for you this week. We join Erin in praying you will be salt and light in your school! "Heavenly Father, we pray for Your grace to abound in Sophie's life this week. Give her strength of character to stand firm and give her love for others that draws them to the truth. Give her wisdom to be winsome with the Gospel. In Jesus' Name, Amen."
    May
    @kassie
    on Wednesday, October 23, 2013 at 1:08 pm
    Kassie,
    First off I want to tell you how glad I'm that you confessed your sin to God! That like the most important step!
    I know what youre going through because I went through the same thing not long ago. With Gods help I have learned how to overcome the temptation to masturbate!
    One of the biggest steps I think is telling an older Christina woman. I told my mom by writing it down on a piece of paper and handing it to her when we were alone.
    As for masturbating so that you don't think about sexual things I would say don't give in to masturbating there are other ways to keep you mind pure. When you start to think sexual things start praying to God and ask him to control your thought life, or read the Bible. Another thing you could do is to tell Satan to just "shut up" he is the one that is putting those thoughts in your head.
    I will be praying for you!
    Lorree, with the LYWB team
    @ Olivia
    on Wednesday, October 23, 2013 at 5:05 pm
    Oh, Olivia, isnt God so very good! Im so glad He used this blog to answer your questions and to encourage you. You are right in that you cannot do this alone. But through Gods grace He will strengthen you and empower you as He leads you to victory (1 Jn. 1:9). Im praying for you and asking God to show you an older godly woman that you can confide in who will pray with you, encourage you and hold you accountable by asking the hard questions you need to keep you pointed in the right direction.
    Lorree, with the LYWB team
    @ the "not so waiting" bride to be
    on Wednesday, October 23, 2013 at 5:13 pm
    Thank you for your transparency in this, my friend! I am so sorry you are struggling so! The girls here have given you some very wise advice. You will find out that Erin is in agreement. Check out her blog: http://www.liesyoungwomenbelieve.com/index.php?id=291.Paula also blogged on what she has done to overcome her temptations. Check it out: http://www.liesyoungwomenbelieve.com/index.php?id=870.

    There is hope, my friend! In Christ you can find victory. I am praying for you today. Father God, please continue to open this precious girls eyes. Show her how to keep her heart and mind pure for You and for her future husband. I thank You for what you are doing in her heart. Continue to empower her to overcome the temptations in her life (1 Cor. 10:13). Amen.
    Jodi Onaka
    Loneliness
    on Wednesday, October 23, 2013 at 6:25 pm
    Good to see an article addressing women's struggles. Unfortunately, this was so negative. I think a few things were left out, one many ladies struggle with loneliness and control and use this as a tool to help deal with these issues. (I had to stop reading Christian Fiction so as not to feed my mind.) Two, we serve a God of grace and forgiveness who desires us to be pure and holy before him, but also designed us, so he knows our struggles. Guilt does not change us, God's love does. If we can glory in our creation we can start anew.
    Mo
    Am I the only one...
    on Thursday, October 24, 2013 at 6:00 am
    Who thinks it's a little creepy that Tim Challies helped write this?
    A
    Re:
    on Thursday, October 24, 2013 at 8:23 am
    Okay so we have established that masturbation is sin, but what we want to know is HOW does one STOP?! Most of us know masturbation and lust is sin but what we need is help not someone telling us what we already know.
    Redemed
    Getting over it
    on Thursday, October 24, 2013 at 12:14 pm
    I am really glad that this subject is being addressed. I like many other girls have struggled with masturbation. But it can be conquered!!! There is Hope! There is always hope with Jesus!! I masturbated from the time I was 12 to14 1/2. I didn't believe that I could get rid of that sin. God redeemed me from it.
    Like most things there is no quick fix, overcoming masturbation is very difficult. I don't do it any more but it still has long lasting affects. I struggle very much so with lust. I know that I do not have the proper view of sex. I know that it is supposed to be beautiful but in my mind it has been tarnished. I pray for God to take away this lust and I realize that I have to take action and not just sit there and what for God to "poof" all of my sinful habits away. I take away the things that cause me to start to think lustful thoughts. This is very important because if we chose not to take drastic action against our sin then we really are not that set about getting rid of it. God is good and He will help you through this. Pray to Him whenever you think about it. Memorize verses to help you combat it. and talk to a Godly woman to keep you accountable and pray for you.
    Michael Coughlin
    Good post
    on Thursday, October 24, 2013 at 2:37 pm
    Very good point. Thanks for addressing the various aspects of this.

    And for Sophie - we are praying for you. You are not alone, sister.
    Lorree, with the LYWB team
    @ A
    on Thursday, October 24, 2013 at 5:04 pm
    The sin of masturbation begins in the mind. Paula shared some great tips in overcoming this sin. Check it out:

    http://www.liesyoungwomenbelieve.com/index.php?id=870

    Following through on her suggestions to get rid of the things that lead you into temptation and sin is the first step. The second is to replace those things. Listen to music, read books and watch DVDs that feed your soul with godly principles rather than leading you into temptation. Read Scripture and memorize it so you have it readily available in your mind when you are struggling. You might start with Philippians 4:4-8 and Psalm 103.

    You need to confess this sin to God and seek His forgiveness. He is more than ready to forgive you (1 Jn. 1:9). It is also very helpful to confess this to an older godly woman. She can support you, pray for you, encourage you and hold you accountable by asking the hard questions about what you are looking at and dwelling on as you work through this.

    There is hope, A! Victory is possible. Im praying for you!
    123
    Please Pray for me.
    on Thursday, October 24, 2013 at 7:22 pm
    Thank-you for this post.
    This is totally random but i could use prayer that the enemy just totally leaves me a lone. I'm at the point where I just want to hide and pray in my room all day long and all night.

    I'm so weary, I have PTSD, and I deal with it every-day. It's so hard I"m at the point where I just want to hide from it all.

    God wants me to pray and worship and I have been. I also fell into sin....

    I'm not to proud of that at all.....

    Please keep me in your prayers! Thank-you!!!
    T.
    Please lift me up in prayer
    on Friday, October 25, 2013 at 12:07 am
    I would like to confess my sin amongst other believers. Sexual sin, I think, is harder for us to confess. Especially masturbation. It's extremely personal.

    I honestly can't remember when I began masturbating. I was that young. I was, unfortunately, exposed to pornography at a VERY early age- 5- and began a lifetime of sin. I pretended to have sex (I really didn't know what it was, but I had seen images, and could read the word) with friends, I watched sexual videos, and as I got older, pornography. I confessed to my husband before we were married, and during our marriage we both struggled for awhile, but then, after a time, God really seemed to put his foot down, and we saw pornography for what it was- addicting and awful. Not real.

    Fast forward-almost 13 years of marriage and three children, and I'm still struggling with masturbation. There have been times that I was able to stop for a time, but the urge and lifelong habit is sometimes overwhelming.

    I have been memorizing the fruit of the Spirit, and really focusing on SELF-CONTROL. I thank you for this blog, it spoke to me so much, as I've been struggling immensely the last few days (my husband are separated by necessity right now-sick child in hospital), and masturbation has been in my past a tension and pain reliever.

    I am going to ask God, once again, to forgive me of this sin, to take away the desire, and replace it with His wisdom, His peace, His grace, His self-control. Thanks for reading, and knowing that I confessed and others can pray for me, lifts me up. With God's help, I know that I can be a conquerer.

    I also wanted to ask how you think we should address our children about this subject? I have a daughter who has had NO exposure to sexual images, but has been masturbating since she was one. I have struggled on how to get her to stop without shaming her into hating me and just doing it whenever I'm not visible (I remember doing the same when I was young).

    One last thing, I was plagued by sexual dreams- very vivid and they were lesbian in nature while pregnant one time. With immense guilt and shame, I confessed (in tears) to our Pastor's wife, who had the Holy Spirit guiding her to pray for me. I have NEVER had sexual dreams since. That was four years ago. Thank you, Jesus. I just wanted to let others know that dominion over even sleep and dreams is Jesus'. We are His beloved. Thank you God.
    P
    Reply to T - why anxious children might do this
    on Friday, October 25, 2013 at 9:01 am
    T ... I did read once that young children will sometimes clutch at their genitals as a sign of anxiety, NOT as a sign of sexual arousal. I did this as a very young child - I was adopted, happily so, but adopted children still suffer from separation anxiety, even in families they successfully bond with. There was nothing sexual in what I did - it was almost a reflex gesture, clutching at myself to bring some comfort and relief from the anxiety that, as a very young child, I couldn't articulate. That perspective might help you as you seek to lovingly help your daughter. I realise that you describe your own childhood masturbation as a direct result of being exposed to porn, which is not the case with your daughter. All the same, I pass on that insight in the hope and prayer that you find it helpful.

    As someone who has been single for a very long time, I have wrestled for years with masturbation. All I will say is this: when my prayer life is strong, the compulsive need to masturbate really does dissipate. A lot. Worship satisfies in a way our addictions can't!

    Celibate singles are sexual people, because we are all sexual. Being sexual doesn't mean that we have to express our sexuality through intercourse or other genital activity. But sexual we are: it's part and parcel of our humanity. God would no more remove our sexuality than He would our personalities. We offer it all up to the transforming power of His Holy Spirit.

    Keep pressing in to His grace, sisters. Onward and upward.
    Mike
    There is victory.......
    on Friday, October 25, 2013 at 9:33 am
    Personally, I usually don't discuss sexual matters across gender lines. The sin of sexual immorality begins in the mind and manifests itself physically through our fleshly desires. The desire is God given, in the context of marriage. My victory began when I shared my thoughts with a brother that I was pleased with my physical abstinence. He responded, that's not what Christ died and rose again for ..... and he lovingly guided me to 2 Corinthians 10:5. Understanding that thoughts of this nature were not in obedience to Christ I began to wrestle these thoughts down, thinking of new things (that which were pure, noble, etc...). In the beginning it was many many times during the course of the day until it became a wonderful habit of redirecting my mind, with of course many petitions for guidance from our Lord. As much as my mind was cluttered with impure thoughts its now filled with honoring types. It,s been 2 years now since I received that biblical counsel and I can't even begin to express the freedom it brings and the fresh experience of "walking in the Spirit".
    "There is victory in Jesus"..... Amen
    Brother Mike
    P.S. Thanks Nancy, the women in my church speak highly of your ministry, to God be the glory !!!
    Anonymous
    Re:
    on Friday, October 25, 2013 at 6:50 pm
    I'm in a dilemma because after 37 years of marriage I have sexual desires for my husband but he has no interest in me sexually anymore and is unable to accomplish the intimacy I so desire with him. He is an unbeliever so I had thought that masturbation was the only recourse as I do not wish to be celibate the rest of my life. Also this causes an emptiness in our marriage since we are not intimate any more and I have to battle jealousy when he is friendly with other women. I am definitely insecure now. I have continued to feel guilt in this act and just today read in Romans 14 that we are not to ignore our conscience (Happy is he who does not condemn himself in what he approves). Up to today I had not been able to find any definite teaching on this issue for Christian women. Thank you so much. It is addicting.
    alone
    still confused and alone
    on Saturday, October 26, 2013 at 1:37 am
    Thank you for this post. I had not read much like it previously.
    I also am in a dilemma. I was married for three and a half years, and then my husband died. I miss the intimacy of the marriage. its been 18 months since he's been gone. Almost 2 years since I've felt his touch.
    I'll admit that I have fallen under this sin more than a few times. I'm still so young - only 30.
    This post reminds me that just because it feels right doesn't mean it is right.
    Macnme
    No Need for God
    on Sunday, October 27, 2013 at 10:31 am
    Masturbation arose as an evolutionary benefit.
    Take chimpanzees - all chimpanzees masturbate, the chimpanzees that did not masturbate died out. This is because masturbating increases sperm count and leads to healthier, stronger sperm... so the chimps that masturbated outbred the chimps that did not. We are from that same evolutionary line as the chimpazee, so it is only natural that we masturbate and have a desire to masturbate. Only a deluded individual would conclude that masturbation is 'against nature' (Gods Law).
    Mo
    Re: Macnme
    on Monday, October 28, 2013 at 1:19 am
    I appreciate your insight Macnme; I would also like to clarify that no where in the Bible does God directly prohibit masturbation. Conservative Christians are against it. There is danger in being addicted to it as to anything. But you won't find any actual law against it.
    **Wish we could have coffee. I've been praying for a good Athiest friend. LOL
    Lorree, with the LYWB team
    @ 123
    on Monday, October 28, 2013 at 12:22 pm
    Precious Father, You know all that 123 is dealing with and You know her heart to worship You and trust You in the journey to healing from her PTSD. Please bind the enemy and put a hedge around her heart and mind (Job 20:23) so that she can begin to gain victory in this area. Keep drawing her to Your Word and trusting that You have the ability to bring beauty out of ashes (Is. 61:3) and bring good out of this tragedy in her life (Rom. 8:28-29). I pray that as she keeps her mind stayed on You that You will keep her in perfect peace (Is. 26:3-4). Thank You father that she is Your child. Thank You that You are walking with her each step of the way (Is. 43:1-3a). Thank You that the work You have begun in her heart, You promise to carry it on to completion. Be especially near her and give her courage and peace (Josh. 1:9). We entrust her into Your loving, gracious and merciful hand. In Jesus Name, Amen.
    Lorree, with the LYWB team
    @ Alone
    on Monday, October 28, 2013 at 12:37 pm
    Oh, alone, I am so sorry for the loss of your husband! A death of a husband is a very difficult thing to work through. Im thankful that God has used our blog to open your eyes in this area. Its been my honor to pray for you today. As I was praying, I thought of a recent Revive Our Hearts series directed toward widows. You might find it encouraging (http://tinyurl.com/p5xmbw5). Id love to send you the book written by the woman interviewed in this series. If you are interested in this gift from our ministry, please send your postal address to me at Info@ReviveOurHearts.com and Ill get it in the mail to you. Im praying that God will draw near to you and will draw you near to His heart as He becomes your husband (Is. 54:5) during this difficult season of your life. Stay in the Word, my friend! It is the lifeline for your soul!
    Lorree, with the LYWB team
    @ Anonymous
    on Monday, October 28, 2013 at 1:36 pm
    Im so thankful that God has used our blog to answer some of your questions and give you direction. Im so sorry to hear of the difficulties you are having in your marriage in this tender area. I want to recommend a book to you. Its called Intimate Issues by Linda Dillow and Lorraine Pintus. They have a chapter in the book entitled What Do I Do When He Has a Headache? It will address the many facets of your struggle.
    Im praying for you today, anonymous, and asking God to guide you and your husband as you work through this. There is hope and there is a way through this, my friend! May God use this to confound the enemy and make your relationship with your husband even stronger. Our enemy would love to use this to destroy your marriage. But God is greater than that (1 Jn. 4:4) and He is able to do far more than we can think or imagine (Eph. 3:20) as we trust Him with the problems we face no matter how huge or insurmountable they may seem.
    WHAT?
    Masturbation is NOT a sin
    on Monday, October 28, 2013 at 2:38 pm
    Masturbation hurts no one. It is NOT cheating. It is a natural, normal process whereby you learn about your physical body. If you're doing it for 3 hours a day, maybe you need a counselor, but it is normal and healthy, and God does not need to forgive you for it. You've got lots bigger things in your life to stress over than whether you touch your "privates" once in a while.
    Sophie
    @Erin Davis
    on Monday, October 28, 2013 at 5:16 pm
    Thank you for praying! I really felt the Lord's presence this past week. The week started off with an assembly for the whole school. They showed a bunch of small videos about homosexuality, and it was all like scary music and flashing pictures - all trying to scare/force you into believing it's right. They tried to make us feel sorry for the LGBTQ's. Even though they never said that we HAVE to believe it's right and support it all the way, everything in the week was pointed towards that. On Wednesday was "Colour Day" where everyone was supposed to dress up as colourful as possible in support of homosexuality. This was especially tough because there was a camp that a lot of us grade 10's went to this september, and we all had our "team colour". So they wanted all of us to wear our team colour that day - it kinda destroyed all possible excuses! But the Lord was gracious as I could explain to people why I wasn't wearing my colour. There wasn't much else happening that week other than a free movie night on Friday and rainbow muffin sales on Tuesday. Over all, it was tough. But I had a few opportunities to bring up Christ and the gospel, which was great! Hope that helps, and thank you again SO much for praying!
    Henry D
    Your struggle
    on Tuesday, October 29, 2013 at 8:40 pm
    I would like to encourage all of you here who are struggling to please watch my video on you tube Masturbation is not a sin by Henry Dansereau. There is abundant proof here from Scripture where I can confidently and passionately stand on this truth. The video only deals with Scripture. I know this goes against all you have been taught, but the christian church has been under a flood of lies.
    Anonymous
    The physical aspect
    on Wednesday, October 30, 2013 at 9:09 pm
    Hello sisters. Now I have been engaged in the struggle to be free ever since I first meddled into this sin, which was a little more than a year ago. I find that I am in a constant cycle of masturbating, then repentance, then walking with the Lord, then feeling the temptation is so strong and I fall into it again. Nowadays I feel it is really more the physical addiction to it than anything else. The fact that my flesh craves it. I'm not sure what I should do about that. I really try to control myself but sometimes I just want to do it as a release. How should I combat this aspect of my struggle?
    Henry D
    Masturbation is not a sin
    on Thursday, October 31, 2013 at 2:34 am
    First: Sin is the transgression of the law 1 John 1:4
    Second: The law worketh wrath where there is NO LAW there is NO SIN. Romans 4:15
    Third: whosoever is born of God does not sin and cannot sin 1 John 3:9 you are not born again if you do not understand and know this. I do not sin and cannot sin WHY? Because over and over in the letters of Paul he tells us there is NO LAW to sin against. There is no more sin has not been sin for 2000 years. The ones that have kept sin here is the christian harlot church. They have denied the work of Christ and are crucifying him to open shame.
    Lorree, with the LYWB team
    @ Anonymous
    on Thursday, October 31, 2013 at 11:54 am
    I wonder if you have brought this sin out into the light by sharing with an older godly woman, Anonymous? It may be one of the scariest things you ever do, but bringing it out into the light by confessing to another greatly diminishes the power this has over your life. She can pray for you, encourage you and hold you accountable to turning away from this. You can call her and talk when you are tempted. The blessing of this accountability is huge in your journey toward victory.

    And remember, it is a journey - a process. Sin starts in our minds. The temptation is there. We dwell on it and soon we act on it. One key is looking at what you are doing, reading, looking at prior when you are being tempted. Get rid of any books, DVDs, music, etc that stimulates this sexual temptation. Bring your computer out into a more public area if needed.

    And then fill your mind with Scripture so that when you are tempted you can think on truth and rule your emotions rather than letting your emotions rule you. Psalm 103 and Philippians 4:4-8 are wonderful passages to memorize. God promises a way out of every temptation, Anonymous, so that you can stand up under it and not fall to sin. Im praying that you take the initiative to look for those ways out and follow through no matter how hard it is. May God bring victory to your life and may you glorify Him in all areas of your life (Rom. 12:1-2; 1 Cor. 6:12-20).
    Carrie, with the LYWB team
    @Henry D.
    on Thursday, October 31, 2013 at 3:55 pm
    Sin is indeed the transgression (breaking) of Gods perfect Law (1 John 3;4) the Law that reflects the perfection of a holy and righteous God. The same Law that was given by God in the Old Testament to 1.) Set the standard for a relationship with God perfection (James 2:10); 2). Expose the utter depravity of those who, like us, believe we are able to keep the law in our own strength (Romans 3:20). 3.) Create an awareness of need for and a longing for a Messiah 3). Serve as a tutor to point us to Christ the only One who ever lived a perfect, sinless life (Gal. 3:24).

    Jesus Christ fulfilled the requirements of the Law (Matthew 5:17-20) through His life, death and resurrection and in so doing abolished the law (Eph. 2:14-15) for all those who would place their faith in Him alone. For Christ is the end of the law for righteousness to everyone who believes (Romans 10:4). The hope of those who have placed their faith in Christ is the work and righteousness of Christ alone.

    If sin itself had been abolished on earth after Christs death and resurrection there would have been no need for the Savior to prompt the Apostle John to pen letters to the seven churches listed in the book of Revelation exhorting, reproving and rebuking them to repent of very specific sins and return to God.

    Sin does indeed exist, Mr. D. And is an offense to the God who paid, at great cost, the rightful penalty for the sin of those who would place their faith in Christ alone.
    Henry D
    REVELATION
    on Friday, November 1, 2013 at 6:45 pm
    The word sin does not appear in the book of Revelation for your info. This book was written about the apostasy of the church.
    The churches have not believed Christ, they are crucifying him to open shame. Read Hebrews 9:26 Christ came to put away sin. The CHURCH is the one who has kept sin here. They have trusted in the LAW and not CHRIST.
    ƥЩ` n
    Autumn409
    on Tuesday, November 12, 2013 at 12:21 am
    Τ͘˴äƹ_ˑTƤ냇ݤȤƱˤλӤȫ appulse admeasurementˡ ˤĤƤΥץˌһȤŒgϡˡ ȥ`֥ӾAꡢ٤ƤYһȤȤҎtͨԒηɤĤ׹Υ`֤ṩԪˡ ˽̽i)
    ƥЩ` n http://www.cityofjohnday.com/js/17-Womens-Timberland-High-Top.html
    ֩`ĥƥЩ`
    Purple672
    on Tuesday, November 12, 2013 at 3:45 am
    ΤƮbƤˤ„ޤ[Ok] ҊƤߤޤ礦ΥȤΤǰ˥`ӥuƤȤʹä뤳ȤζޤХɤξؤäƤʤνYǥ`ӥڤǡϡީ`å Υ Хå򥹥`״Bˤ褦ȤƤϡߤäƤХå Хå ѥå󥰤m 3 ` 15 YҊʤޤ
    ֩`ĥƥЩ` http://www.ci.amity.or.us/images/9-Mens-Timberland-shoes.html
    littlemermaid27
    Struggles
    on Friday, February 7, 2014 at 2:01 am
    Thanks for this post! I have struggled with masturbation since I was very young. I have asked for forgiveness from God numerous times but still fall back into the trap. This post is a great help to many girls including me. I am now convinced that I need and want to stop this sin and that it is a trap. I could use some prayer and I'm praying for all of the other young women who are struggling also! Something that helps me when I'm tempted is thinking that every time I do this it takes my Prince Charming 1 day longer to come. I've been wondering about masturbation for a while and if it was really wrong and this post really answered all of my questions. Thanks again!
    Carrie, with the LYWB team
    @littlemermaid27
    on Wednesday, February 12, 2014 at 11:51 am
    So glad youve discovered this post, friend! Praying today the LORD will set you free and bring great praise to His name through your life!

    If youve not already done so check out these posts as well.
    Playing With Fire http://www.liesyoungwomenbelieve.com/index.php?id=271
    Bandaging the Burns http://www.liesyoungwomenbelieve.com/index.php?id=761

    Grace and Peace,
    Carrie
    Stacie
    Re:
    on Thursday, February 20, 2014 at 2:59 pm
    I try to stay away from masturbation because I'm a Christian and I know God does not want me masturbating. But the problem is, when I haven't masturbated in a while, I have recurring sexual dreams even when I pray about it. Then there's a catch-22: I'm tempted to masturbate so I will stop having sexual dreams, but then I know if I do, I will be disobeying God. I know God will always forgive and love me, but I don't want to take advantage of that by purposefully committing the same sin over and over and apologizing. And I know that masturbation is a form of sexual immorality. Does anyone know how I can stop having sexual dreams without masturbating and disobeying God?
    Sarah, with the LYWB team
    @Stacie...
    on Friday, February 21, 2014 at 8:21 pm
    I encourage you, dear one, to stand your ground! I'm sorry for the struggle you are having but I'm glad you are willing to struggle to do what God would have you do instead of giving in. Our sexuality is almost as complex as our spirituality so harmonizing the two can be a difficult challenge. Since masturbation requires action on your part, and sexual dreams do not, then for the moment choose the sexual dreams. 1. Before you go to sleep at night, do not pray about masturbation or dreams, but read your Bible (perhaps Psalm 23 or Philippians 4), listen to praise music (instrumental, not vocal), and make your prayers about thanking God for Jesus, for the Holy Spirit and His Word in your life. If you will stay consistent with this, you will find the dreams fading, not disappearing, but over time you will find victory. If after 30 days you are still troubled, you may want to get help from a Christian counselor where you would receive more specific help. If you would like to receive a resource to read at night, write me at info@lywb.com, and I will send one out as our gift.

    Don't give up; don't give in! 1 Corinthians 10:13 "There hath no temptation taken you but such as man can bear: but God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted above that ye are able; but will with the temptation make also the way of escape, that ye may be able to endure it."

    Praying for you tonight!
    teenager , who is thankful
    learning something...
    on Monday, March 10, 2014 at 12:05 am
    I know this blog was intended for women , but my closest friend confessed to me of her problem and she told me that I was helping her , and that she havent did it for this whole month thanks to me and Jesus . She confessed it to me , because I ask her for the secret she wouldn't tell but I also said I believe in free will , so she didn't have to tell me but she did . I was shocked that she told me , because I couldn't tell such a thing to anyone .

    Sadly I had this problem too , I dont do it any more but I tend to have like urges of want to do it again,.... but I ignore this urge.
    After that moment she told me her problem I confessed to her my problem . I always feared the idea that I would be looked upon like im a monster or a shameful person .We didnt expected that we would have that in common. She was happy that I told her . I guess it's because I proved to her that I will only tell her the truth . After a couple of minutes, she send me a link to this website . She told me this blog inspired her and I see why . I am thankful that she wanted me to read this blog . I see this blog can be implied on both males and females . Which after reading this . It reinforced my thoughts on my Problem and it gave more reasons to continue life without this problem.
    Im thankful for such a friend like her . She is the main reason why I am trying to stop I havent commited this SIN since February 7 2014 . She asked of me to become a stronger Christian and I promise her I would and if it wasnt for this blog , I wouldn't have learn something .

    I also usually ignore this temptation of mine by making simple goals , for example.... my goals are to make her happy , ask her out one day ,tell her my feelings for her , always love her for who she is , marry her one day , become a stronger Christian . I will always come up with a excuse . Sometimes I will use something to over come the urge . Like love , fear , relaxation , rest , or a hobby.

    Thank you for reading my post and I just simply wanted to express my happiness of her and of this blog . I Wish all of you Good luck on your journey to help , stop , or pervent this problem that some of us have .

    p.s. Im not the best writer in the world , lol , so im sorry if I made any mistakes or if I didn't make sense. You all have a awesome day ! (^_^)

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