Comments

HEY, GIRLS! We love hearing from you, but feel limited in the ways we can help. For one thing, we’re not trained counselors. If you’re seeking counsel, we encourage you to talk to your pastor or a godly woman in your life as they’ll know more details and can provide you with ongoing accountability and help. Also, the following comments do not necessarily reflect the views of Revive Our Hearts. We reserve the right to remove comments which might be unhelpful, unsuitable, or inappropriate.

Sam
How I expressed my Feminnity
on Tuesday, May 26, 2009 at 5:43 pm
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Today someone was sick in my class, and I kept asking him if he was okay. Some told him to be quiet, but I just kept making suggestions on how to help his cold. I thought I helped there, and I like helping others, weither it be a man or a women. I find it good to help others, so thats one way I expressed my femininty today. Hopfully I can help other days as well.

~Sam
Heather
I STILL DON'T UNDERSTAND!!!!!
on Tuesday, May 26, 2009 at 8:40 pm
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I don't want to just be a helper. I don't want to be a servant to some guy. I'm a human, not a puppy!!!!
I wan't my marriage to be an equal partnership, where we BOTH make the final decisions and where we BOTH have masculine and feminine sides.

Am I missing something? I want to live a godly life, too. I just don't understand why I can't marry someone who will be my equal, instead of someone who will dominate over me =[
Anonymous
:)
on Wednesday, May 27, 2009 at 7:52 am
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i dont really think i have that much of a problem with my husband being "higher" than me. as long as he still treats me like a wife and not a child/his kid i think its fine. my dad listens to my mom, and gets her opinion, but all in all he makes all the final decisions. as long as you are careful and marry a Godly, trustworthy man i think your safe to let him be over you.

and to answer the question of how am i expressing my femininity today...i am just about to go take a shower and then i am putting on makeup and then i am doing my hair :) and i am going to get my nails re-done this week. i love being a girl :)
Natalie
Be a woman!
on Wednesday, May 27, 2009 at 8:14 am
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Girls ~why are some of us always so repulsed by the thought of being a helper?
Its nothing more than pride! Of course you get your say, of course you make decisions, but you make them together - you help! God made the man the HEAD, he's not the dictator, he is just the leader! I am a definate leader-type, and I enjoy being in control, however, I am to gracefully sumbit to my husband. I know he isn't yet, but my boyfriend gets to make the desicions about what we go out and do sometimes (im not implying sexually) - yet, alot of the times we make those desicions together. I know I'm young, but its great practice to learn how to get along together as a team. He is a huge leader also and its crazy how two people who love so much to be first can step down and let the other take the lead. Not to hate on any girl specifically, but just in general - woman are way to feminist, they always want dominating control and they hate thinking they could complete a man - which is really rediculous! Women are made to long for men. Men protect them, men chase them, men woo them - why do we fight it? Men NEED women - i mean, have we ever thought about all the foolish things men would do if women never teathered them down? Thats why God made us - men let us be adventerous, while women keep men from doing nothing but ... "man stuff" all day lol - so be happy I guess - dont try to take a man's role - we are women!!!!!!!!
Kimberly Wagner
Re: Heather, I STILL DON'T UNDERSTAND!!!!
on Wednesday, May 27, 2009 at 10:28 am
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Heather,

I have to smile because you sound a lot like I used to and I would love to meet you and talk this out together so you can really see my heart. If we were sharing a few laughs together at Starbucks, I might be better able to communicate God's awesome plan to you. But since we're stuck on this blog today, let me try my best to share a few thoughts with you. Some of this comes from my response to Becca on yesterday's blog. But she had some of the same concerns you're expressing.

Women are created in the image of God, we are of equal worth and value to God and have equal access to relationship with Him! What I'm talking about (and what Scripture teaches) is not a difference in VALUE, but in FUNCTION.

God did not create the husband's role as one of DOMINATOR, but one of masculine headship. The man is to be a servant leader -- reflecting Christ's example of loving the church and willingly laying down His life for her (check out Ephesians 5:22-33).

Woman was not created to be a puppy-dog, or child, or even servant to the man -- although Christ has called all of us to follow His example of humility as a servant (see 1 Peter 2:13 - 3:6).

This is probably a dumb example, but bear with me . . . I have a set of silverware for my meal: a spoon and fork. Both are equal in metal content, value and even beauty -- but they are designed to function differently and perform different duties. I've never tried to use my fork to eat cereal and I'd rather use my spoon with ice-cream. When it comes to stabbing french-fries a fork can't be beat, but now when I eat spaghetti . . . I like to put both the spoon and fork into action!

When God created the woman, He states that, "It isn't good for the man to be alone; I will make him a helper . . ." Okay, a "helper" doesn't sound so hot initially, but maybe we have the wrong idea when we hear this word.

Did you know the Hebrew word that is translated "helper" here is also used at times to refer to God acting as a "helper" to Israel?

Some women react to the concept of being a “helper,” as if that's an inferior position. But to the contrary, the helper role is honorable, vital, and can be embraced when it is seen as a necessary complement for the man.

In the Gospels, John the Baptist stands out as a premier player. He was one of a kind and necessary in preparing the way for the coming King. But what did John say of Jesus and himself? “He must increase, but I must decrease” (John 3:30).

Why didn’t John grasp for fame? Why didn’t he grumble over losing the following he'd acquired in his wilderness ministry? Because he understood the principle: “It's all about Him; it's not about me.”

Do we view John as less than the impacting proclaimer that he was because he played a supporting role when the Son of Man arrived on the scene? No, we hold him in even higher regard for humbly taking his rightful position as the “preparer of the way” while refusing to be proclaimed as “The Way.”

So, why do we, as women, sometimes take offense at being considered a supporting player rather than the leading character when it comes to God-assigned roles? Somehow we've convinced ourselves that there is less value in this position, so we view our role as demeaning or as less significant than the man's.

Yes, a marriage should be an equal partnership and please don't misunderstand what I'm saying when I talk about submission: the biblical roles of headship and submission are NOT equal to a "servant -- master" relationship.

And God delights in happy marriages -- but as strange as this may sound, our happiness is not the end goal. When we are living our lives in line with God's Word, and our hearts are totally surrendered to His will, then we are bringing Him glory -- and glorifying and enjoying Him should be our end goal.

Mary Kassian has written a great post on this subject today. You might want to jump over to the True Woman website and check it out.

Thanks for your comment, wish we could sit down together and really converse on all this!
Jenny
Uniqueness
on Wednesday, May 27, 2009 at 11:02 am
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I love, love, love being a girl! All the fun things that come with being a girl, it's amazing. I am so glad that God created both male and female. We are both so different and odd.
It can be quite hard at times, being a girl and feeling you can't do certain things. But God made us this way and I suppose He knew what he was doing.

Oh, how am I or will I express my femininity today? Well, I am going to clean up, put on make-up, wear an adorable outfit, and make others feel loved.

I hope there will still be more on this subject, because I have more questions!
God Bless!!!
Erin Davis
Jenny
on Wednesday, May 27, 2009 at 12:02 pm
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There will be much more on this subject on LYWB.com. Here's a preview of the next few days:
1. Why women were created (today's post)
2. Does God's Word allow women to work?
3. How can you live out Proverbs 31 today?
4. 10 points for singleness
5. History of feminism

It's going to be a great discussion. Glad you'll be a part of it.

Erin Davis
JessLBee
Hi!!
on Wednesday, May 27, 2009 at 1:06 pm
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Oh, I just love reading these comments and this blog!! I am so glad that we get to discuss this topic!

There are times when I wish that God made me a guy(I probably could run faster for one :)) But I really like being a girl! Girls get to dress up and we get to help! We get to cook and clean and take care of children! (I love babies by the way!)It is an awesome role! To express my femininity I will help today.....in a house with three sisters and a diabetic brother with my dad gone a business trip there are many ways to help!

~Jess
Anonymous
how
on Wednesday, May 27, 2009 at 1:16 pm
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Hey, I was wondering,
Do you have ANY idea's on how to express my feminity in a practical way today? I'm just a normal 14 year old, who's homeschooled (out of school now), and sometimes it feels like right now my life is SO trivial!!!
Amanda
i also don't understand
on Wednesday, May 27, 2009 at 1:43 pm
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Hi everyone, i don't really agree with all this. I mean i'm really nothing like all these. I'm not a helper-trust me i just like never help, although i should more. I once took a spiritual gifts quiz and the one "gift" that i was least ummm good at was giving lol. I simply CAN'T cook. I hate cleaning (and i know that lots of ppl hate cleaning but i'm also bad at cleaning if that's possible). I honestly don't really like super manly guys, i mean i don't want a wimp! but i don't want a guy that is constantly showing off his muscles. I'm very stong willed and i have a hard time submitting, and i don't want a husband who is dominant-i want an equal partnership, i don't want to obey a guy! I mean that's just really old-fashion! In my vows when i get married i'm NOT going to say "i'm always going to obey u" because i'm not!!!!

I'm not even a real girly girl....sure i wear makeup and do my hair-what girl doesn't. But like i would much rather watch an NBA basketball game then go shopping (even though i like shopping lol). I would rather play a good game of paint ball than bake a cake! And i've like NEVER EVER EVER changed a single diaper in my life! And i'm really bad with babies! Trust me!!! I never dress-up unless i have to, I would much rather wear an old pair of jeans and a T-shirt than a nice dress!!!! I love school so that's why i'm going to college when i graduate next year and i'm going to get a job after that. To be honest i don't even think that I even want to have kids (i might adopted, but i don't think that i want to like HAVE any). When I was little i think i beat up every guy at my school lol. So basically i'm just not that "feminine"...I don't collect hundreds of lipstick colors-i think i have 2. I don't look through Southern Living decor books (i look through Sports Illustrated instead). And i like only go to the mall maybe 3 times a year. I don't know i'm just not the serving, submitting, cooking, cleaning, baby, helping type, and so i just don't fit into this model of the way supposed femininity is suppose to look like! I'm not like that-YES i love being a girl, i'm NOT trying to be manly or a guy! (and i haven't beat up any guys for a few years now lol) But i'm just not THAT feminine. And so how am i suppose to be soooo feminine when i get married? Do I have to change who i am? Cause i'm NOT!

Amanda
Erin Davis
Anonymous
on Wednesday, May 27, 2009 at 2:22 pm
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We will actually have a post about this later in the week. Check back and give us your thoughts...

Erin
Kimberly Wagner
Re: how
on Wednesday, May 27, 2009 at 3:05 pm
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Thanks for the question. By asking this question your actually expressing one of the characteristics of femininity: having a teachable heart.

Femininity is expressed through:

1) Expressions of gratitude.
Think of practical ways you can relay gratitude to others today. Have you thanked your mom lately (if she's your homeschooling teacher) for the way she sacrificially serves you through being your mom/teacher? Perhaps write her a letter expressing your gratitude and spend some time making it beautiful through personalizing it with little artistic touches.

2) Serving others.
Look for ways to help out today. There are always plenty of opportunities to serve your family through helping out with household projects. I know, that doesn't sound that exciting -- but there are creative ways to make these kinds of projects fun. Turn on some great Christian music (really LOUD) and sing while you run through the house with a dust cloth or put away dishes from the dishwasher.

Or perhaps check with neighbors or church members to see if they could use help with some yard work, baby-sitting, closet cleaning or other projects. I know work doesn't sound fun -- but I always like the challenge of finding ways to make it fun :-)

3) Domesticity: plan a special meal.
Ask your mom if she'll let you plan and cook an entire meal -- by yourself! If you already do this fairly often, try a new dish that you've never fixed before. Set the table with candles and pretty place mats. See if you can find some wildflowers or other decorations to give your table an elegant feel.

Decorate or rearrange your bedroom. Search the internet or magazines to find low-budget ideas to update your bedroom with a whole new look!

4) Cultivating inner beauty.
Read inspiring books that will encourage you as a young woman seeking after God:

"Passion and Purity" by Elizabeth Elliot
"Authentic Beauty" by Leslie Ludy
"Girl Talk" by Carolyn Mahaney and Nicole Whitacre

or my favorite novel:

"Perpetua" by Amy Rachel Peterson

Also, pull out your Bible and check out a few passages that reveal God's instructions to us:

Titus 2:3-5
1 Peter 3:1-9
Proverbs 31:10-31

Perhaps consider using this summer to study some of the women highlighted in Scripture:

Debra (Judges 4-5)
Ruth
Hannah (1 Samuel 1-2)
Abigail (1 Samuel 25)
Esther
Solomon's bride
Mary: Jesus' mother (Luke 1-2)
Mary of Bethany (Luke 10:38-42; John 11)
Phoebe (Romans 16)

5) Practice receptivity: consider contacting an older woman (perhaps a mature college student or young married woman) in your church that exhibits godly character and asking her about spending some time with you this summer perhaps doing a study on biblical womanhood. You could pull up tons of good resources from the Revive Our Hearts website or the True Woman website to use for study times together!

Whew! I could go on and on . . . but here's a few to get you started :-)

Oh yeah -- I almost forgot the most important part of femininity: sitting at Jesus' feet! Ask Him to begin showing you how to express your femininity in practical ways that will please and glorify Him!

Enjoy being a woman!
Leah
military family
on Wednesday, May 27, 2009 at 4:24 pm
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I live in a military family. Since my dad is gone a lot my mom has to take the role as mother and father. But when my dad gets home from being overseas it seems like my mom doesn't give my dad the role of being father/husband. It just seems like she orders him around and she gives him orders and she has the final decision. I don't know what to think about it.
Kimberly Wagner
Re: Amanda
on Wednesday, May 27, 2009 at 4:44 pm
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Actually if it's a toss-up between watching a football or basketball game with my guys (my son and husband) or shopping -- I'll pick watching the game with them every time! And that's femininity!

You don't have to love shopping and make-up parties to be feminine (I HATE make-up parties).

I don't like to clean and lots of times I don't feel like doing all the work that goes into cooking. Changing dirty diapers was never a task that I looked forward to. Pulling off a large dinner party can be a major effort. But I do these things as an act of love for my family and friends.

True femininity begins with a disposition of the heart that is surrendered to her Creator's plan and will.

There are duties that come with the role of sister, wife, mother, or student, that are not necessarily all that appealing, but forging in to accomplish these tasks with a determined and courageous heart that seeks to glorify God in all areas of life -- is an action of disciplined femininity.

As a woman, God has given us the unique and privileged opportunity to bear children, to be the primary care-taker of our homes, and to serve our families unselfishly in the role of wife and mother. Some of the tasks are extremely difficult and time consuming, some are filled with fun and laughter -- all are rewarding (sometimes the reward comes much later).

Amanda, please read my comment above on "how" to express your femininity and consider reading some of the books and passages I refer to. I understand where you're coming from, I'm just asking you to be willing to consider that living out true femininity might look a little different than what you're thinking and you might even find it appealing.
Joy
Re: How
on Wednesday, May 27, 2009 at 7:11 pm
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I used to have the same prob. cause I'm homeschooled too, but this blog really helped me, and I hope that you visit more:)
Leigh
I am female
on Wednesday, May 27, 2009 at 8:19 pm
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I like the things girls get to do. Dress up, wear makeup, shop, but I do have a side of me that wants to be tough and driven. I think maybe I drive that side a little too much but i hate thinking that I should be a dainty, prim and propper all the time. I can be tough to. Can't I??
bri
heather
on Wednesday, May 27, 2009 at 11:57 pm
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i totally agree. i dont want to just be a helper either. i want an equal marriage. honestly, when people purposely set up the man as higher than the wife, it ends up incredibly abusive.

we should submit to our husbands. but the husband is called to love the wife like christ loved the church. marriage is amazing when the love and care of "i will do whatever i can to pursue your dreams and take care of you" goes both ways.
Joy
I agree with Leigh
on Thursday, May 28, 2009 at 10:18 am
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I feel the same way, Leigh, I love being a girl and all, but I want to be more than just a girlygirl, like someone who really makes a difference. I'm kinda new on this blog so if anyone has advice on this subject please let me know
Erin Davis
Bri and Heather
on Thursday, May 28, 2009 at 10:37 am
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I think your vision of being a helper might not line up with God's. It is a wonderful thing to compliment another person's gifts and talents and to be strong in areas where they aren't necessarily. By the way, our husbands compliment our gifts and talents in much the same way.

I have a slightly different perspective since I am married. And can I just tell you that God got it right!

In Colossians 3 we read, "Wives, submit to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord."

But that is not the end of the list. It goes on to say:

"Husbands, love your wives and do not be harsh with them.

Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord.

Fathers, do not embitter your children, or they will become discouraged."

Everyone has a role to play in God's intended order for families. And in my opinion, husbands have the much tougher task. "Love your wives as Christ loved the church." Whew! He died for us. He left heaven and took on human flesh in order to make that sacrifice. That is an intense love! And the kind of love that God calls our to.

Have you ever helped others in a non-marriage context (mission trip, babysitting, service in your church)? Did it feel like you were "just a helper" or did it feel great to do for someone else what they could not do for themselves. That is what we are talking about here, girls! Not drudgery. Not slavery.

I doubt that I am going to be able to change your hearts on this one (but I'll sure give it my best shot). That's why I would really encourage you to study God's Word for yourself on the issue of gender roles. See what He has to say. And really pray through it and ask Him what that looks like for your life.

Thanks for being a part of this conversation and for being honest. I hope to hear more from you!

Erin
Anonymous
how
on Thursday, May 28, 2009 at 1:10 pm
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Hello y'all! Thanks so much for the information that you gave me on how to show my femininity, especially Kimberly. It is so cool all the ways I can do it! And i think I'll start by writing my mom a note to thank her for all she's done for me. I really learned SO much on this blog!
Kimberly Wagner
Re: Leigh and Joy: Tough??
on Thursday, May 28, 2009 at 6:08 pm
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"I can be tough, too. Can't I??"

I love that question! And I'm smiling because my husband often refers to me as "his rock" of stability.

If you mean "tough" in the sense of having a tough, hard, demeanor or an impenetrable heart, then -- no, we should be soft. We need to have an open, teachable and receptive heart when it comes to receiving God's truth and instruction . . .

But, if what you mean by "tough" is: having strength of character, determination, a "hard-work ethic, etc. Then, that is a good thing.

I've never been considered a "girly-girl." In fact, I was pretty much a tom-boy growing up with 2 brothers and 5 male cousins (I was the ONLY girl in the household!) -- but my husband definitely likes the fact that I am a strong but feminine woman.

When we built our home, I carried and loaded heavy rocks for our fireplace and exterior walls. I helped hang sheet rock and insulation. I worked long hard hours sanding every bit of the wood trim in the house and climbed atop 14 foot scaffolding to stain our cathedral wooden ceiling.

Most of my life I've raised and trained horses and lived on a ranch for a season as a trail guide. So, I guess if you're thinking femininity has to be expressed through "girly-girl" activities, then I've done a very poor job in presenting the heart of the matter.

Femininity isn't displayed so much outwardly as it is a disposition of the heart. There are definitely outward things we can do to cause us to "appear" more feminine. And there are activities that tend to be frequented primarily by females -- but playing with makeup or being addicted to shopping is NOT what I'm promoting.

Joy, I hope you're reading this -- because this next part is for you and every other girl on this blog who, as you said: wants to be "more than just a girlygirl, like someone who really makes a difference."

That statement is at the heart of True Femininity!

Listen, what God has called us to is bigger than ourselves. He has called us to be a part of His grand and glorious plan to fill the whole earth with His glory! He wants to use each girl reading this as a witness to the fact that HE IS GLORIOUS!!!

He wants to so profoundly transform your heart and life through the power of the gospel -- that you no longer look like yourself -- but you begin to look like Christ! And as you reflect Christ, the world will see and know that God is real and will be compelled by this to consider the truthfulness of Christ's claim as the only way to God.

What does this have to do with femininity? Everything.

God wants to use your unique design as a woman to bring glory to Himself in ways that a man is unable. He has created you for the purpose of displaying His grace in your life (get this) as a WOMAN!

How do we do that? Well, I've barely scratched the surface by throwing out a few suggestions in the comments these past 2 days, but if you really are interested . . . I've got a really good book for you to tackle:

"Set-Apart Femininity" by Leslie Ludy

I've really enjoyed blogging with you girls and hope I'm invited back sometime. In the meantime, you can always visit me over at the True Woman website. Please give me a shout if you stop in and let me know you're one of the LYWB bloggers!

Love you girls! Live for Jesus -- He's the only One who deserves our undying and absolute loyalty!
Elise
femininity. .. is that how you spell it?
on Saturday, May 30, 2009 at 9:12 am
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I know a great couple who are great examples to me. .. she loves him greatly and when he asks her to do something, he does it . . . no questions asked. And he always asks her opinion if he is about to do something big in his job or something.

I LOVE BEING A GIRL!!!!:)
Sarah
Re:
on Saturday, May 30, 2009 at 5:15 pm
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my $.02

The woman came from a man’s rib. Not from his feet to be walked on. Not from his head to be superior, but from the side to be equal. Under the arm to be protected, and next to the heart to be loved.
bri
re: erin
on Sunday, May 31, 2009 at 3:16 pm
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you said our husbands would do the same for us. So how is that a gender role? and if God created us equal and unique why do we need to take on certain roles depending on our gender? my freind grew up with her mom working and her father staying home? is this against Gods plan?
tiffskini
Re:
on Tuesday, June 9, 2009 at 6:01 pm
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God made us all different and thats good! think about it, wouldnt it be weird with a gajillion look alikes walking around- people that walk, talk, and think the same. there wouldnt be any variety!
Heather
Re:
on Monday, October 26, 2009 at 8:19 pm
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wow...I'm so different, now! Compared to how I felt in my last post. who knew? lol