Yesterday I presented three biblical guidelines for dealing with stepparents. Here are three more principles straight from God's Word for navigating the trials of a blended family. "/>

More Biblical Guidelines for Dealing with Stepparents

posted by Erin Davis on 09/24/09 | Twitter: @ErinGraffiti
Category: Relationships; ; 10 comments

Yesterday I presented three biblical guidelines for dealing with stepparents. Here are three more principles straight from God's Word for navigating the trials of a blended family.

You are called to be a peacemaker.
In Matthew 5:9, Jesus says, "Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called sons of God."

James 3:18 says, "Peacemakers who sow in peace raise a harvest of righteousness."

What can you do to create more peace in your home? How can you change your attitude and behavior in order to have a more peaceful relationship with your stepparent? Only you can answer those questions, and you will reap the rewards if you do the hard work necessary to live in peace with your step-mom or step-dad.

Commit your family to prayer. girl praying
In Matthew 5:44, Jesus said, "‘But I tell you: Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you.'"

I doubt He had stepparents specifically in mind when He made this statement, but it certainly applies. Stepparents can sure feel like the enemy. I was at war with my stepparents for years. I blamed them for things that weren't their fault. I resented them for having rules that seemed foreign and outrageous. I was angry with them for making an already difficult family situation much worse. But I never prayed for them. Not once.

I should have. Prayer is a powerful tool we too often fail to use. Philippians 4:6 urges us, "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God."

Prayer has the power to change the heart of your stepparent if necessary. More importantly, it has the power to change your heart.

Trust God.
You can trust God with every corner of your life. You can trust Him with the pain caused by your parents' divorce. You can trust Him with the anxiety caused by their remarriage. You can trust Him to know the best way for you to relate to others even if it doesn't feel natural or just. Ultimately, you can trust His sovereignty even when your family life is totally messed up.

Psalm 62:8 says, "Trust in him at all times, O people; pour out your hearts to him, for God is our refuge."

In John 14:1, Jesus said, "‘Do not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God; trust also in me.'"

Psalm 19:7 says, "The law of the LORD is perfect, reviving the soul. The statutes of the LORD are trustworthy, making wise the simple."

Proverbs 3:5–6 says, "Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight."

Anger and rebellion are the opposite of trust. You're not responsible for what has happened in your family's past, and you're not in charge of what will happen in the future. But God is able to handle it all. Do your best to follow His guidelines for your relationships, and trust Him with the results. 

Comments

HEY, GIRLS! We love hearing from you, but feel limited in the ways we can help. For one thing, we’re not trained counselors. If you’re seeking counsel, we encourage you to talk to your pastor or a godly woman in your life as they’ll know more details and can provide you with ongoing accountability and help. Also, the following comments do not necessarily reflect the views of Revive Our Hearts. We reserve the right to remove comments which might be unhelpful, unsuitable, or inappropriate.

    Sarah Paige
    Not just for mixed families...
    on Thursday, September 24, 2009 at 12:48 pm
    This is powerful stuff! I am from a wonderful Christian family, and my parents have never been divorced. What Erin said above applies to me too. It is important to be a peacemaker, commit to pray, and trust God - no matter what your family situation is.
    ...
    totally unrelated
    on Saturday, September 26, 2009 at 9:13 am
    i have a totally unrelated thing to say...
    there's been one lie that i have been dealing with lately that i was wondering if you could do a post on (not now, esp. since it might not go with your current theme) but in the future.

    the lie is that if i dont date now and get experience, i will have no idea how to date in the future, and guys will have already gone thru it before so they know how to handle it, etc. basically that im missing out on a necessary social part of life- like i'll be "behind" if i dont date now.
    people have actually told me this before... so that probably doesnt help. :P
    anita
    Re
    on Saturday, October 3, 2009 at 6:32 am
    those r true words, since im in such position, i hope God will give me the grace to accept him back as my dad.
    Linds
    question
    on Tuesday, October 13, 2009 at 11:07 am
    Hi Erin,
    I don't know If you will still be able to reply but I have a question about a friend... she is having a rough time at home- she lives with her step dad and her mom but she is asking me to pray for her because she said all she seems to do now is cry when she's alone- (and that is totally not like her) she said the fights she has with her parents are about stupid stuff, but i know it hurts her she said that last night her step dad was arguing with her becuase she didn't have a coat and it was snowing and he said "i'm not yelling or swearing at you i'm just talking to a kid" well, then of course satan likes to make things worse so she said she started believing that maybe he doesn't want her as a daughter or something like that... its stupid it just cause' he called her a kid and not his daughter... I can't relate completely because i have 3 siblings who are living for the Lord and parents so I am just wondering if there are things i should or shouldn't say-I want to talk to her i just don't want to say things that aren't even true and most of all I want this to help her draw closer to Jesus.
    Last Edit: on Tuesday, October 13, 2009 at 2:01pm by edavis  
    Erin Davis
    Linds
    on Tuesday, October 13, 2009 at 2:14 pm
    I went ahead and posted your comment minus your email address. I hope that's okay. I'm not really able to communicate with individual girls via email for time and accountability reasons. But I did want to respond to you, so I hope that you don't mind that I do it in this open forum.

    Your friend is certainly in a tough situation. Being a part of a blended family is really tough. Here's a post I wrote on that very subject that might help you empathize with her some.

    http://www.liesyoungwomenbelieve.com/index.php?id=345

    I would encourage you to share this post with your friend. There is a share option at the bottom of each post and you can share via a variety of options like email and Facebook. It would also be great if you would share these two articles on dealing with stepparents.

    http://www.liesyoungwomenbelieve.com/index.php?id=346

    http://www.liesyoungwomenbelieve.com/index.php?id=347

    From the limited information I have it sounds possible that your friend is facing some spiritual warfare/lies from the enemy. In which case there is one response that is necessary from you--prayer. Prayer matter so much! We often look for the right thing to do or say when the only right course of action is to pray. You cannot change your friend's family situation, you cannot decipher Satan's lies for her, and you cannot force her to believe God's Truth. But God is able to move all of those mountains. Pray very specifically for your friend in the coming days and weeks. Let her know you are praying for her. Take every opportunity to pray with her rather than trying to give her the right kind of advice. And watch and see what God provides in her life.

    Erin
    Linds
    Re: Erin
    on Wednesday, October 14, 2009 at 10:58 pm
    Thank you so much- I feel like that's what God wants me to do at this point... blabbing a whole bunch sure isn't going to fix anything... another thing I don't really understand is that her mom is a christian but yet she is kind of impatient and degrading on my friend, and she feels the weight of it... I guess all i can do is lover her, cause only God can change her moms heart.
    Thanks again it really did help.
    Linds
    one more thing...
    on Wednesday, October 14, 2009 at 10:59 pm
    Erin,
    I forgot to add... Yeah, i definitely know there is more to this then just her parents...
    Polprav
    No teme
    on Friday, October 16, 2009 at 9:06 am
    Hello from Russia!
    Can I quote a post in your blog with the link to you?
    Erin Davis
    Polprav
    on Friday, October 16, 2009 at 11:52 am
    Sure!

    Erin Davis
    leebee
    Re:
    on Tuesday, December 15, 2009 at 9:13 pm
    i have a step dad myself and well i've never seen him and well i always pictured he being loving and kind and well from what my mom said he aint that kind of guy i guess i just wanted him to be loving and wanted to see me and want to be with me and spend as much time with me as he could i wish he wood

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