Does God want you to be happy?

Erin Davis 03/02/10 | Twitter: @ErinGraffiti
Category: Myself ; 55 comments

smiley faceSeveral years ago I had a painful conversation with a good friend. She was unhappy in her marriage and was considering divorce. She was a Christian, a mother of an adorable toddler, and a leader in the youth group where I also volunteered. I begged her to stay in her marriage. I used every Scripture verse I could think of to point out that God's plan for her didn't include divorce.

Her response? "I believe that God wants me to be happy, and I am just not happy in my marriage."

Soon after that conversation she left her husband. She is no longer involved in the church where we used to minister to teenagers side-by-side. I can't say if she is happier now or not, but I do know that her decision came at a tremendous cost.

I've heard the argument "God wants me to be happy" made often through the years. I've heard Christians defend all kinds of decisions based on the belief that God wants them to be happy. But the truth is I'm not sure that He does.

Don't get me wrong; I don't think that God delights in our misery. But I'm not sure that there's any biblical evidence to back up the claim that He wants us to be happy. In fact the Bible seems to teach that He is more concerned with our holiness than our happiness.

I'll dig into this further in tomorrow's post, but in the meantime, I'd like to start a conversation about happiness and holiness. What is the difference between being happy and being holy? Does God desire for us to be happy? At what cost? What verses can you find to back up your point of view?

I can't wait to hear your perspective on this. Be sure to hop back on the blog tomorrow as we take a look at what God's Word says about our happiness.


HEY, GIRLS! We love hearing from you, but feel limited in the ways we can help. For one thing, we’re not trained counselors. If you’re seeking counsel, we encourage you to talk to your pastor or a godly woman in your life as they’ll know more details and can provide you with ongoing accountability and help. Also, the following comments do not necessarily reflect the views of Revive Our Hearts. We reserve the right to remove comments which might be unhelpful, unsuitable, or inappropriate.

    does god want me to be happy
    on Tuesday, March 2, 2010 at 1:43 am
    i think god wants us to be happy of course and he brings that to us because it says for the joy of the lord is my strength. But i think as Christians we want to imply it in certain areas of our lives where we think its right or we sense god wants this out of us or he wants me to let this go so that i could be happy. But i think we lose focus of what god is calling us to be and like you said it is holiness. and this is a quality that god has givin us to be holy to be pure, pure in our hearts and as this is a part of who we are then we are happy and we get to see the bigger picture but like it says eccl 3:12-13
    know that there is nothing better for men than to be happy and do good while they live. 13 That everyone may eat and drink, and find satisfaction in all his toil—this is the gift of God... god wants us to be happy..but We have lost a sense of awe before God. We want to do whatever we want to do, and then call upon God to help us ... to justify us and serve us, and make us happy.
    So, we imprison God within the structure we have built for Him -- we live however we want to live, then when we are confronted with some portion of truth or law or some rebuke to awaken us our reply is, "Well, God wants me to be happy!" Well, God wants us to be happy, but the happiness he desires for us is spiritual, and it is based on holiness, not the flesh.
    Jesus is my KING!
    on Tuesday, March 2, 2010 at 7:20 am
    No, God doesn't aim for us to be "happy"- He wants us to be HOLY!!!!!! I can't remember exactly where, but it says in the Bible "be holy for I am holy". Yes, I have seen families be torn apart because of someone's "happiness".
    on Tuesday, March 2, 2010 at 7:36 am
    I wonder how this whole "happy message" came about. Look at the New Testament. People being martyred, tortured, persecuted, abandoned - yet they are all brave and willing because they love their Lord, and they want to see Him glorified.
    Christianity is about dying to self, and letting God change us from the inside out. It's not "happy" a lot of times - but as Eric Ludy says, we need to redefine what we mean by "happy." He says he went from being a self-gratifying, self-focused guy to wanting God to be glorified no matter what. That was now his version of "happy."

    Whatever the world offers us can never bring us true happiness. I would rather have joy, an unchanging gift of God (and remember the joy of the Lord is our strength) than "happiness" when depends on what "happens." Everything the world offers is just a cheap imitation or perversion of the GREATER gift God wants to give us. But there's a cost. Dying to self, being willing to die or be persecuted for Christ's sake - that is what true Christianity is made up of. And it's the greatest adventure anyone could ever imagine.

    I recommend everyone read "The Bravehearted Gospel" by Eric Ludy. It's excellent and sort of deals with this topic.

    Also, I haven't read this book, but it seems very applicable: God Has a Wonderful Plan for Your Life: The Myth of the Modern Message, by Ray Comfort. (It has a picture of Stephen being martyred on the front.)

    Yep... I think the Bible definitely says that God wants us to be holy in Him, and have a joy - not really "happiness."
    Ro 8:28
    on Tuesday, March 2, 2010 at 8:18 am
    I think God cares more about what is BEST for you rather than what will make you "happy", and what will draw you nearer to Him. Pain sometimes seems to me to be the only way He can get our attention.
    on Tuesday, March 2, 2010 at 8:32 am
    Happiness really can be a touchy subject sometimes because nobody wants their idea of happiness to be messed up by someone else's belief. I heard a song last year that had these lyrics: "So what if it hurts me/so what if I break down/....gotta find my place, wanna hear my sound/....don't say victim, don't say anything..." Hmm. What was the title? "Happy." While the song did promote not letting life pass you by, I was also struck by the singer's willingness to put everything on the line for happiness. maybe this idea comes from a misplaced view of what life is about. If all we live for is happiness, I can understand why she would be willing to risk it all. But maybe this means there is more -- what if holiness brings us closer to a joy that is just out of reach? In one of his writings, C.S. Lewis says that when we experience a desire that cannot be satisfied by anything in this world, it is proof that we were designed for somewhere else. So rather than being satisfied with a temporary earthly emotion, I think we should pursue holiness and therefore pursue the God we were created to love.
    Joseph Louthan
    Happiness is for the moment...
    on Tuesday, March 2, 2010 at 9:51 am
    One of the most powerful statements I have ever heard was:

    "God is out for His glory and my joy."

    Happiness and joy are not interchangeable. Happiness is based on what is happening at the moment; joy is based on Christ no matter the circumstance.

    Let a would-be seducer offer me pleasures for a night. Let the world tell me that the grass is always greener. Let the devil tempt me with bliss on tap for 10,000.

    I will say, "No!".

    My God has already set the path of life for me. When I am with Him, I absolutely know and feel the warmth of the fullness of joy. At his right hand that bestows power, grace, love, comfort and mercy are pleasures that last forevermore. (Psalm 16:11)

    My prayer is that we will desire and aim for the greater joy in God and not the lesser joys of the world.
    Living Sacrifice
    on Tuesday, March 2, 2010 at 10:33 am
    Isn't being made holy - being made more in the image of God, to be set apart and get more close to Him?

    To be more close to Him makes me happy. It's the thing we were created for - to live with Him, enjoying life!
    The process of God making me holy is being a living Sacifice (Hebrews 12). This process at times doesn't make me feel happy. But I can hang in there, knowing in the end He is there, and that's all worth it!
    Psalm 27: "Better is one day in Your courts, than thousands elsewhere"

    He is so faithfull - The best place!
    Definitions of Happy & Holy
    on Tuesday, March 2, 2010 at 10:59 am
    the word HAPPY means: feeling or showing pleasure or contentment; having a sense of confidence in or satisfaction with (a person, arrangment, or situation)
    It seems to me that happiness is a feeling. It is something which changes all the time depending on our emotions.

    the word HOLY means: dedicated or consecrated to God; devoted to the service of God; morally and spiritually excellent.
    Holiness isn't a feeling instead it is an action.

    Although, by being holy we can become happy. I think joy is another word which plays a huge part in our lives. Although, joy is a feeling too. We can have joy all the time, whereas happiness comes and goes. Does that make any sense?
    on Tuesday, March 2, 2010 at 11:01 am
    i think God wants us to be happy but more importantly to be holy like him. there's a fine line of "happy." you could use it as an excuse for sin..."if i do this or get this certain thing or see this movie, ect... then i'll be happy. God wants me to be happy right?" i agree, i don't think God wants us miserable. but what if we're "happy" but not really living our lives for him and becoming more like him? i think it's more beneficial to go through pain and experience true happiness in Christ than to have it easy and be "happy." i am definitely learning this truth in my life right now. thanks for the post.
    God wants me to be happy
    on Tuesday, March 2, 2010 at 11:28 am
    I have heard that sooo many times too.
    God desires us to be holy and devoted to Him, and as we draw close to Him we start experiencing JOY of having a relationship with Him. And there is a huge difference between joy and happiness.
    Happiness is a feeling that we experience and like all feelings, it comes and goes. Also, we should never trust our feelings!
    Joy is more like a peace that God gives us and that will last through any hardship or trial as long as you are relying on God.
    on Tuesday, March 2, 2010 at 11:30 am
    I believe that being holy comes from modeling my life after Christ. But when we are striving for holiness, we will be in the center of God's will, seeking Him every day, telling others about Him, and obeying His commandments, and this does bring happiness! In Psalm 43:4, David calls God his "exceeding joy." God alone brings true happiness.

    I also think that happiness sometimes has to be a choice rather than a gift. Many times, in the middle of a trial, we have to choose to have joy. Psalm 108 tells us that David was asking God to deliver him, and verse 7 says, "God hath spoken in His holiness; I will rejoice." The chapter never says that God answered David exactly how he had prayed, but David made up his mind to rejoice, to be joyful/happy in the answer that God gave him.

    I believe that God does want us to be joyful. We are to "Make a joyful noise unto the Lord" (Psalm 100:1). But I think that joy and happiness is a product of being holy (or striving to be). It is a product of having Christ in your heart (Psalm 144:15b: "Happy is that people, whose God is the Lord.").
    on Tuesday, March 2, 2010 at 11:42 am
    I recently read a book called "When God Weeps" by Joni Eareckson Tada, that deals very heavily with this issue.
    God wants us to be perfect, and perfection comes through the fire.
    There was a poem in that book, a few lines of which go thus:

    When God wants to drill a man, and thrill a man, and skill a man,
    When God wants to mold a man to play the noblest part.
    When He yearns with all His heart to create so great and bold a man
    That all the world should be amazed,
    Watch His methods, watch His ways.
    How He ruthlessly perfects whom He royally elects;
    How He hammers him and hurts him and with mighty blows converts him
    Into shapes and forms of clay which only God can understand.
    While man's tortured heart is crying, and he lifts beseeching hands.

    It goes on a little longer, but that's a very good clue that God is willing to hurt us to make us Holy.

    What about the passage in James? "Count it all joy when you fall into various trials"
    Or in Matthew:
    "Blessed are you when men shall revile you and persecute you for my sake."
    Or Hebrews:
    "But for the Joy that was set before Him He endured the cross."
    Or in Mark:
    "Take up your cross (trials) and follow me."

    And there are innumerable passages along the same lines.
    I thank God that, though happiness feels soo absent sometimes, I know He has a beautiful purpose for my life.

    Thanks for this post, Erin. :)
    what makes me happy makes Him happy
    on Tuesday, March 2, 2010 at 12:52 pm
    i have been thinking about this post all morning. so i know that i might take a different take on it then most people... but i think that when we are happy God is happy. God has put a little bit of himself in each of us. which means that the things that make me excited (like dandilions, blue skies, lolipops and puppies) make him excited too. he is sad about the things that make us sad and he rejoices and is happy with us. God is not a stern angry man. he is a loving and gentle father that delights in us. i think we need to realize that often the things that we think will make us happy are not going to satisfy. there is a difference between being happy in the world and living in the light of eternity. i think once our perspective changes then we can realize that in the most terrible circumstances we can obtain a level of happiness... because we are no longer relying on our own strength but are living in the joy of the Lord.
    Yes God wants us to be happy
    on Tuesday, March 2, 2010 at 12:53 pm
    i think God want us to be happy, but the only way to true happyness is thrue him.. The world brings temporary joy but serving God will bring everlasting joy
    on Tuesday, March 2, 2010 at 1:18 pm
    In Ecclesiastes 2:26 the bible says :"26 To the man who pleases him, God gives wisdom, knowledge and happiness, but to the sinner he gives the task of gathering and storing up wealth to hand it over to the one who pleases God. ." So if you are without sin then yes, god wants you to be happy.....but for those luke-warm "Christians" who are living sinful lives, the answer is NO!
    Abby S.
    Re: Steph
    on Tuesday, March 2, 2010 at 2:17 pm
    Firstly, Ray Comfort is amazing.

    ---------------------- on the topic-------------------
    As humans and as especially young females, it is SO easy to justify ourselves and live our lives by our emotions. It's ridiculously convenient, when we are showered with books and movies and false testimonies from celebrities and such about living a completely blissful life overflowing with happiness.

    God is not there to be our genie.
    That is not His job.

    If we're so busy being drawn to what makes us feel good and what makes us smile, then we won't be able to tell the difference between what is sin and what is not.

    It's totally a heart issue. Check yourself: we're not placed on this Earth to be princesses. As believers, we have a special and difficult calling,and sometimes that means we won't receive the butterflies or swoons that other girls do. You just have to remember that we're living for our King, and not for own own feelings.
    "Create in me a CLEAN heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me." Psalm 51:10
    Watch out for lust too.
    "The heart is deceitful above all things..." Jeremiah 17:9
    Joy vs. Happiness, Happiness vs. Holiness
    on Tuesday, March 2, 2010 at 2:35 pm
    Just to start, let me get one thing straight, happiness and joy are NOT the same thing. Happiness can come from circumstances, joy is a friut of the Spirit that God gives us when we abide with Him. Gal. 5:22 says, "The fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control." Gen. 30:12-13, Deu. 24:5, Prov. 29:18 and Lam. 3:17 all talk about happiness or being happy. They are all caused by circumstances. Now, don't get me wrong, happiness has nothing to do with THINGS, but with CIRCUMSTANCES. The world tells us, "To be happy, you have to have, money, fame, the perfect marriage, the perfect childeren, you can do whatever you want to do, ect." NOTE: That was put in my words. So if we are looking for happiness in the worlds terms, no one will ever be happy because no one and no thing is perfect. The indians when the would weave would put blemishes in the robes or rugs they wove, just to remind themselves that no one was perfect. There is a saying that has to do with work. It says, "To be happy, don't do whatever you like, like whatever you do." You have to make a choice to be happy. So, now, what is holiness? The bible dictionary says, "Holiness in the highest sense belongs to God (Isa. 6:3), and to Christians as consecrated to God's service, and in so far as they are conformed in all things to the will of God (Rom. 6:19, 22; Eph. 1:4; Titus 1:7-9; 1 Pet. 1:14-16). Personal holiness is a work of gradual development. It is carried on under many hindrances, hence the frequent admonitions to watchfulness, prayer, and perseverance (1 Cor. 1:30; 2 Cor. 7:1; Eph. 4:23, 24)." We become holy through trials and tribulation. I like the analogy of a silver smith; to purify thie silver, it has to be repeatedly put in the furnace; in the same are we purified through our trials.
    on Tuesday, March 2, 2010 at 3:30 pm
    I think God does want us to be happy. Because obeying Him, and being Holy WILL make us happy.

    However, I don't think that he wants us to do whatever we want, because WE THINK it will make us happy.

    Doing our duty to our savior will make us joyful people despite the circumstances.
    Cindi Whitman
    Does God want us to be happy?
    on Tuesday, March 2, 2010 at 3:57 pm
    God is more concerned about our character than our comfort. Happiness has to do with our circumstances. Throughout the Bible people are found to be in challenging circumstances. Often it is working THRU those circumstances that we see the power of God at work in us and thru us. Those who justify leaving an unhappy marriage simply because they are unhappy will find their next relationship suffering from similar issues. God uses the challenges in relationships to work on the issues in our hearts. Often times we are quick to point the finger at the other person rather than look at the heart issues that He wants to work on in us! Undealt with heart issues will follow one into their next relationship and often the end result will be the same.
    Jesus is my KING!
    on Tuesday, March 2, 2010 at 5:00 pm
    I have LOVED seeing everyone talk about joy and I totally second that! Joy is so much more than "happiness"- joy is true and genuine and authentic where happiness is fleeting, temporary, and based on circumstances. I am so grateful that the joy of the Lord is my strength!!!!!!!
    happy vs. holy
    on Tuesday, March 2, 2010 at 6:16 pm
    I think that God wants us to not be sad but He wants us to be holy more than happy. Take missionaries for example. They go to China, Haiti, Russia, etc. to minister. I'm sure they're not happy all the time. Especially when their hated by others just because of their belief. But they strive for holiness. So I think that God wants us to be holy and joyful. Joyful is different than happy because joy is one of the Fruits of the Spirit whereas happiness isn't.
    Description of joy from a dictionary: feelings of great happiness or pleasure, especially of an elevated or spiritual kind
    Description of happiness from a dictionary: causing pleasure: causing or characterized by pleasure, contentment. Be holy and joyful. God gave us joy so we should be joyful but we sould strive for holiness.
    Happiness vs. Joy
    on Tuesday, March 2, 2010 at 6:31 pm
    I agree with Abbie that happiness and joy are NOT the same things. Happiness brings you sufficiency for the moment. Does God talk about His people being happy? I have an ESV Bible and i searched "happy" and it came up with circumstances like Leah having another son and such. James 1:2-4 says were supposed to be joyful in our trials. You see, not all times are we goin to be happy.
    This is for reasons we may not understand
    but we must ALWAYS do Gods will or else it is sin. One of the fruits of the Spirit is joy right? And joy comes from having Jesus as your Savior right? So focusing on God will bring you holiness and holiness will bring you joy. Tell me if you disagree but I think that God wants us to be joyful not happy... Joy comes from Jesus and having him be sufficient whereas happy is something that needs to be replenished. Joy comes from God and God alone. I we focus on him, we will be holy and joy will come fromthat.
    I hope this helps y'all. Love your sister in Christ,
    on Tuesday, March 2, 2010 at 6:42 pm
    Okay wait... what? God doesn't want us to be happy? Haha.... now I'm REALLY confused...
    Like, I understand that God wants us to be holy, but....?
    Okay, I'm confused could someone please explain?
    Re: Does God want you to be happy?
    on Tuesday, March 2, 2010 at 7:52 pm
    The difference between being happy, and being holy, I think happy is doing whatever it takes to make sure YOUR happy even if it hurts someone else, I think being Holy is doing what's right, doing what you should, doing what God calls you to do.

    Does God desire for us to be happy? I think God wants us to be happy, but I think He desires for us to do what is right, and I also think He hopes that what makes us happy IS the right thing, the right choice.

    At what cost? I honestly don't think there's a 'cost' however I do think there is a realization of the truth, and the right choices.

    What Bible verse? Ummm Philippians 4:8
    Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.

    I Don't know if it back ups but I think in order to CHOSE we need to remember those things.
    on Tuesday, March 2, 2010 at 9:05 pm
    I believe that God doesn't not want us to be in misery, but he wants us to lead holy lives. And if you are happy while leading a holy life, then it's an added bonus!
    on Wednesday, March 3, 2010 at 12:44 am
    amen, Erin!! I find it so hard to explain to people sometimes but you put out just what I was thinking. Also, I think that God does NOT want us to be unhappy, but sometimes we have to be for some reason, either to draw us to himself or some other reason. But the end purpose it to make us happy. After all, if we have a sharp conscience when we do something we know is wrong we won't be happy doing it anyway. I have a friend who was divorced and then she became a christian. She met this guy she really liked and she knew it would be wrong to marry him, but did anyway. She said she regretted it from the very first night and couldn't find any happiness as she knew she was doing something wrong. She has tried several times to brake up with him but keeps coming back. She is very unhappy and in a huge mess. I feel so bad for her. Anyway, I thought I would just give an example.

    ps. Do guys HAVE to go on this website? Seems creepy to me:)!!!
    on Thursday, March 4, 2010 at 5:47 am
    I agree, I don't think God wants us to be unhappy, but He obviously sends trials our way to test us, as James says: "My Brethren, count it all joy when you fall into various trials knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience." Certainly very hard to practice, but effective!
    And, my mother says that God is more interested in our holiness than our happiness. Besides, I guess if we're holy we should be happy! :)
    on Thursday, March 4, 2010 at 9:19 pm
    God wants us to be joyful in every circumstance but it is a choice. You choose to be unhappy. Life is not perfect but you do not need to become miserable because you can have joy in God. I am not going to judge the lady because I do not know her circumstance and I am not perfect. Also, I do not know if she had Biblical grounds for the divorce such as her husband being unfaithful. If this is the case what she did was not bad. I also know people make mistakes all the time. However, Christians should not go through life expecting it to be easy and if its not easy to give up. God never says in the Bible that people will have great lives but tells Christians to expect trials and be joyful through them. God wants us to be happy but the only way we can be happy is trusting in him being holy, and finding contentment in him. a person can have a perfect marriage, money, and nice things and still be unhappy. Happiness comes from being content in EVERY situation. This is very hard to do but its true. God is the only one can give a person happiness and contentment but that person also needs to choose to be happy.
    My Life
    on Friday, March 5, 2010 at 6:23 am
    My parents have been divorced since I was 8, and I struggle every day with the after effects of the divorce. I thought that asking to stay at my mum's for most of the time would make me happy, because I believed the reason I was never 100% happy was because of this. After making the decision now, I realise that God doesn't want me to be 100% happy. He wants me to be 100% holy.
    *Nikki & Megan*
    on Saturday, March 6, 2010 at 11:57 am
    as asked in this article you said "does God want us to be happy?" he wants us to be happy but satan wants to hurt us and make sure nothing good comes to us. if you stay on the path of the lving father he will help keep happiness with you... not always will it seem fair but it is best for you in the long run.
    somebody hurting!
    God hates me!
    on Saturday, March 6, 2010 at 3:03 pm
    God doesnt want me to be happy! He hates me. I wouldn't have went thru what i did if he really loved me... and i wouldnt be hurting myself... he doesnt even care!
    Erin Davis
    Somebody hurting
    on Sunday, March 7, 2010 at 6:59 pm
    God doesn't hate you.

    Jeremiah 31:3 promises, "The LORD appeared to us in the past, saying: "I have loved you with an everlasting love; I have drawn you with loving-kindness."

    He has loved you since the beginning of time. He created you and has given you every good thing in your life.

    Unfortunately, because of sin life also comes with a large amount of pain. But that doesn't mean that God hates you. It simply means that we live in a fallen world where bad things sometimes happen to those who God loves.

    I can tell that you are really hurting. Is there a Christian woman that you know that you can talk to about what you're feeling?

    on Wednesday, March 10, 2010 at 5:25 pm
    I am also wondering, what God's purpose is in us. I've been married 24 years. I haven't been particularly happy as my husband has been pursuring his own interests for the past 15 years having no family time. The kids are now grown and I'm so lonely with no one to do things with. Previous to my marriage I had a boyfriend whom I really wanted to marry but he wasn't ready. I strangely happen to run into him a few months ago and we've been talking. I wonder if God brought him back after all this time or is it something to cause more hurt. I would like to be friends again, but that probably isn't a good idea either.
    on Thursday, March 11, 2010 at 4:37 pm
    umm i would have to say that the being freinds with him is not a good idea i mean if you become his friend tahts probaly going to lead to something else and you said you wondered if it was god i would say no to that God wants you with your husband God HATES divorce..
    on Thursday, March 11, 2010 at 10:35 pm
    When I was a young girl I always thought one day I would be married happily with a happy family serving the Lord. The man I got married to claimed he was raised in the churc. He was actively participating in the church we were attending; but in less than ayear he started complaining about church, missed all the parties, phone got very busy, and he was gone most of the time visiting with lots of friends....even gone 2 weeks to where I did not even he became rude and mean...I quit going to church with him...I lived with him but I lived my own life. He wanted me to get around him and get along with his own friends....their habits was so different from mine that I chose to be a loner instead. I was not happy but I felt guilty about divorce. Firstly, my parents are whole in marriages, secondly I wanted to be sure its God's will..I wasted my life nearly 10 years..after I got my baby the nurses gave me an idea of what my life is ll first I stick around but I was afraid for my baby and I found it impossible to live with him....I left...aftr 4 years he wrote me a letter claiming he is now change and no longer as before...I did not believe it but I wanted my marriage to work...I regretted In ever came around this time he has 2 other kids with a strange woman....and I still haven't dicorce him and he still want us back...after I saw what has been happening and the situation as of now Im just want to run...I feel much happier on my own than being around them...When I am with him it is so difficult to serve the lord even in my own private life and my son is affected...In my case I was very ignorant...when on my own I thought I knew enough of this world that I know who I marry but I did I see how important history the years went by I slowly recognize the history of the man I married....I feel that when I am not happy it is hard for me to move forward and be fruitful in life...whatever the cause of your friend to leave and not being happy I do not know...I feel sad to see families torn apart....only now then I realized how serious the decision is in everything a person decide to do...
    Erin Davis
    on Sunday, March 14, 2010 at 3:35 pm
    I am sorry you are facing a painful marriage. I'm sure that is really tough.

    I'm wondering if you are plugged in to a Bible-teaching church where you can hear God's Word taught and experience the support of other believers. If not, I would strongly encourage you to seek one out.

    Also, if you're not already doing so, go digging for Truth in God's Word. I am sure in your situation it is tempting to seek affirmation from other people, but people can never fill the God-shaped holes in our hearts.

    Isaiah 54:5 says, "For your Maker is your husband— the LORD Almighty is his name— the Holy One of Israel is your Redeemer; he is called the God of all the earth."

    Even when your earthly husband is not all that you want him to be, God is able to satisfy.

    marla knapic
    on Friday, March 26, 2010 at 10:19 am
    I am an older woman just beginning to develop a study using The Lies Women Believe for the women in our church. I am home from work today and listened to the Nancy Lea radio show about this blog.
    Two things I want to say; "you young women are wonderful!" Your comments on happiness give great insight. And secondly I am glad to say that I will be praying for you and this blog sight and what God can do through it. When our study takes off I will encourage the other women in it to also pray for you!
    In addition I plan on encouraging someone in our church to also facilitate a study using The Lies Young Women Believe for our young women.
    Where two or more are gathered together in His name great things can happen!
    Remember, even if you are not physically in the same room you are all one in heart through Jesus Christ! And through this blog you can share that unity with so many young women who need your hand to lead them into His light! God Bless you all.
    on Saturday, March 27, 2010 at 6:01 pm
    Well I also heard of this blog through the radio station and I heard Erin and Kim talking about this blog. It caught my attention so much because I am a young adult in my early 20's that struggles with some of those topics they spoke about on the radio. And I am really glad that these women of GOD take time to listen and research the topics and issues that us young women and teens go through.
    As I looked over the topics since it was my first time on this website, I saw happiness..
    A topic that I've been having issues with not understanding why I couldn't feel happy. Why?? I serve the Lord but I don't feel happy. But this is what I want for my life. I want to live for the Lord and do things for him but many times I just feel unhappy. I want to be able to enjoy him and his greatness and sometimes it just feels like I can't. I know that what the world offers is nothing compared to what the Lord gives. But I don't want to be this kind of christian all of my life. I feel like if I was missing something... and i don't want to go back so I rather seek help rather then go back. The world only has a temporary happiness and I dont want that.
    on Sunday, April 4, 2010 at 12:12 am
    sometimes i have issues with the statement too. i believe God wants me to be happy, but times of trials are just so hurtful and tiring that i sometimes forget that God's end purpose is to make me a better person and be a happier one...
    Conversations with GOD
    on Tuesday, November 2, 2010 at 11:26 am
    Listen.... GOD definately wants us all to be happy and to live our lives to the fullest! Happiness is based on Love... whatever that may be in your life you must love with all your heart. Do not ever concentrate on poverty, hate, jealousy, vengeance etc....These are actions that acknowledge the demons that keep you from being happy. GOD is life, and Love, and Purity and we are apart of his greatest creation so understand that your happiness will be based on your faith! Faith my brothers and sisters is the key to your happiness so believe with all you got!
    GOD Bless Us All......
    Sacred Marriage: What If God Designed Marriage to Make Us Holy More Than to Make Us Happy
    on Monday, October 17, 2011 at 2:10 am
    I highly recommend "Sacred Marriage: What If God Designed Marriage to Make Us Holy More Than to Make Us Happy" by Gary Thomas. It is a book about how our marriages are more than a sacred covenant with another person. Marriage is a spiritual discipline designed to help you know God better, trust him more fully, and love him more deeply. There is also a video series on this! It is highly recommended. My church went through the video series with as part of our marriage study, and it was very beneficial! All glory to God!
    on Wednesday, February 15, 2012 at 11:30 am
    I lie, steal, drink myself under the table, and have many sexual partners, because God wants me to be happy!
    Not Happy
    God doesn't want us happy
    on Wednesday, March 21, 2012 at 10:29 pm
    Delight yourself in the lord and he will give you the desires of your heart? Really? I have been unhappy most of my life. If there is a god he knows I try. God gives you what you need? Really? No. God gives you what he wants you to have. For me that is a bunch of crap. Give and you will receive? Really? I give and I get a bunch of crap. So yeah that is true anyway.
    Lorree, with the LYWB team
    Not Happy
    on Friday, March 23, 2012 at 6:00 pm
    There is a God, my friend! He loves you and cares for you far more than you can imagine (Jn. 3:16). You have been wounded and hurt and I am so sorry for the pain you have experienced in your life. Our feelings do not change who God is. He is a good God and all He does is good (Ps. 86:5; Ps. 145:9). Even the bad things that have happened in our life, God has the awesome ability to use for our good (Gen. 50:20; Rom. 8:28-29).

    I’m praying for you, sweet friend! I know that as you learn who God is and how much He loves you and you begin to trust God, you will also see how He can bring joy (not always happiness) even out of our sorrows (Is. 61:1-4).
    on Tuesday, May 8, 2012 at 9:08 pm
    Can God change into evil? If I believe my afterlife will carry on into that world. God seems to want us as servents. Human knowlegde is powerful when one seemed to change perseptions due to lack of trust and patients. I want an everlasting lasting joy and love but never seem tto get what I want. And when I do never happy about it want something new. Having a hard time changing that. Help
    Lorree, with the LYWB team
    on Thursday, May 10, 2012 at 1:09 pm
    Thanks for your questions and thoughts, Crystal. God cannot change into evil. God is good (Ps. 119:68). Because He is good, He cannot do evil. He does want us to have a “servant’s heart” just as His Son, Jesus Christ did (Phil. 2:5-11). But it is because we love Him and want to serve Him – not because we have to.

    True joy comes into our life when we receive Jesus Christ as our Lord and Savior. His joy is not dependent upon our circumstances or upon our possessions. His joy is eternal.

    Would it be possible for you to speak to your pastor about your questions, Crystal? He might be able to connect you with a godly woman who could meet with you and mentor you as you seek to make the changes you want and need in your life. I’m praying for you today, Crystal!
    Does god even know what he wants?
    on Thursday, July 5, 2012 at 11:49 am
    What if "God's plan for my life?" is something that will make me utterly miserable.

    I wanted to be happily married to a man I loved who loved me. Never happened.

    Yes, I know if I give god what he wants, I'll get into heaven, and that's great - after I'm dead. But what am I supposed to do right now?

    Since God is withholding what I want most, I'm withholding things from him. No celibacy, no church attendance, and no voting Republican.

    According to some of the posters above, it sounds like God lets people be hurt until they cave in and give him what he wants. And that could work on me. But if so, I would say to God, "You win; you got what you wanted. I hope you're happy."
    Lorree, with the LYWB team
    on Friday, July 6, 2012 at 7:26 pm
    The thing God wants more than anything, Kat, is a personal relationship with you. While we may not understand or like the things that happen in our lives, it doesn’t change the fact that God is good. He loves you more than you can imagine (Ps. 103:13). Does He give us everything we want? No. But that is not necessarily a bad thing. You see, He knows what is ahead in our life and knows what is best for us and for our future. He can be trusted. He keeps His promises.

    I know that you are deeply disappointed in what has happened in your life. I believe your view of God is being influenced by that pain. You are only hurting yourself by withholding yourself from Him. I encourage you to come to God and learn of Him and grow in a relationship with Him. Is there a godly woman in your life who you can visit with about your hurts? I think she could help you process through your pain and begin to see God as He really is and experience the immense love He has for you.

    I’m praying for you today, Kat, and asking God to make Himself and His love for you real today. I’m asking Him to continue to pursue you, come near to you (James 4:6-10), comfort you and heal your deep hurts (Rom. 8:38-39).
    Does God want us to be Happy?
    on Thursday, October 11, 2012 at 6:41 am
    Yes! God does want us to be happy! The entire Gospel and story of Jesus Christ is proof of that. However, our definition of happiness needs to be defined properly. Happiness that is based on temporary pleasures, emotions or materialism is not true, lasting happiness.
    on Sunday, December 9, 2012 at 7:28 pm
    Why wouldn't God want us to be happy? I'm pretty sure he doesn't want us to be miserable or anxious all the time. I believe that unhappiness comes from this world, not from God. (God did give us emotions however, but he gave them to us so we could connect with others...)
    Lorree, with the LYWB team
    @ nameless
    on Monday, December 10, 2012 at 3:56 pm
    God wants our happiness and our joy to be found in Him – the One who is unchanging—not in our circumstances, our feelings or in people who do change. When He allows circumstances into our lives that are stressful or painful He wants us to turn to Him for our comfort, strength and hope. He has given us our emotions to draw us into a relationship with Him so that when we choose to turn to Him in our pain, He can use those painful things to strengthen us and grow us in our faith. Praying for you and asking God to draw you to Him through your emotions and through the situations in your life.
    on Saturday, September 28, 2013 at 1:35 pm
    The thing that disturbed me on this thread is constant judgemental attitude towards your friend. What do you know about her circumstances? Do you know about her reasoning behind the thought of divorce? What if her husband is abusive, would ending this ongoing abuse make her somehow less holy? Yes God wants creatures holy, but I seriously doubt holiness can be achieved through being a doormat. Besides, would judging her without knowing about her circumstances and reasoning would make us holier? We can reach heaven through our holiness, but not another's sins.
    Lorree, with the LYWB team
    @ Pluiga
    on Monday, September 30, 2013 at 12:34 pm
    Erin says this was a good friend of hers that she served along side in church. If this had been an abusive marriage, Erin would have recommended that her good friend and her toddler be in a safe place while they sought the counsel needed for all involved. . We appreciate you sharing your comments and want to let you know that we would never recommend that someone stay in an abusive situation but would encourage them to seek help from the authorities so that they and their family would be safe and get the help they need.
    Happy perspective
    on Friday, August 8, 2014 at 2:32 pm
    Im quickly learning that Im happier when Im helping others and am content. I think we confuse happiness with peace and joy.

    I think the divorced woman was looking for a fullfilling, peaceful and joyful relationship. I dont know her stort, but I know that all these cant be met by marriage. God can meet these needs and bring them into marriage no matter how ugly it looks.

    However marriage is tricky sense both peoe have to be willing. Maybe he wasnt willing to be present, or maybe she didnt have faith that it could change?

    I think if you purposely stay thankful you can FEEL happy.

    Whats u guys thoughts?
    Lorree, with the LYWB team
    @ Loreal
    on Monday, August 11, 2014 at 1:00 pm
    You are right, there is a huge difference between happiness and joy, Loreal! Happiness is often related to our emotions and tied to external circumstances. Joy is found in our relationship with the Lord Jesus Christ. God is the only One who can satisfy our deep heart needs. Too often we look to others or to circumstances thinking they will satisfy us. When we fix our desires on those who cannot meet our needs rather than on Jesus Christ, we will find ourselves unhappy every time. A heart of gratitude is definitely related to the contentment and peace we have in our lives. Philippians 4:6-7 says: “Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”

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