The Dark Night of the Soul

Myself posted by Hannah Farver on 03/04/10; 80 comments

depressionI remember walking through Home Depot with my dad when I was about eight years old. On one of the aisles, I found a gospel tract with a gigantic yellow smiley face printed on the cover. In thick, black lettering it said, "Smile, Jesus loves you."

I thought it was inspiring. Someone left a gospel tract in Home Depot! How wonderful.

For some reason, the smiley face stuck in my mind.

In summary, that's what I thought Christianity was about. The gospel tract said it all. Every Christian was supposed to resemble that gigantic yellow smiley face. After all, Jesus died for His people's sins and loved them very, very much. Knowing that, how could they ever be unhappy? If they were, they obviously were mixed up. They'd obviously forgotten what Jesus had done for them. If they were on the right track, of course they'd be happy ...

To some extent, I still believe that. Usually my unhappiness grows from a heart that isn't focused on what Jesus has given me in His grace. When my heart is stuck on the ground and obsessed with unfulfilled wishes, I forget that Jesus has given me more than enough reason for joy.

But that's not the only cause of unhappiness. Throughout the Psalms, King David describes a deep sorrow in his soul:

But I, O LORD, cry to you;
  in the morning my prayer comes before you.
O LORD, why do you cast my soul away?
  Why do you hide your face from me?
Afflicted and close to death from my youth up,
  I suffer your terrors; I am helpless (Psalm 88:13–15).


This "dark night of the soul" is described countless times during the Psalms and throughout the entire Bible. At one point the apostle Paul wrote, "For we do not want you to be ignorant, brothers, of the affliction we experienced in Asia. For we were so utterly burdened beyond our strength that we despaired of life itself" (2 Corinthians 1:8).

Yes, you read that right. There was at least one period in Paul's life when he "despaired of life itself." When he didn't feel like going on. When he was certain there was no hope for his life on earth. And yes, even King David felt that there were times when God hid Himself.

Have you ever experienced the "dark night of the soul"? Have you walked through a period of depression so heavy that you struggle to believe that you'll ever be truly, sincerely happy again? You're not alone. I've experienced those times as well.

What are we supposed to do in those times? While there isn't a button that we can push to make God automatically feel close by, there are some efforts we can make to ensure that time "in the dark" isn't wasted:

  • Cling to what you know. One man advised his friend, who was fighting depression, to hold tight to "objective realities"—the things that person knew were absolutely true. Hold onto the Bible's truths with both hands. Don't let the blues trick you into thinking God hates you. Read the Bible. Work to memorize verses on God and His character, so that in your darker moments you'll have truth to speak to your heart.
  • Build your kindling. Do you want to be on fire for God? Do you want to grow in your faith? Although it may sound hard to believe, depression can actually be used by God to help our growth. (Keep in mind, He can use any bad situation for our good.) Try to use your time in depression to stay faithful in reading the Bible, praying, and praising God. Not only can those things help lift you out of depression and become a source of joy, those habits can help you grow for the rest of your life.


For me, one of the lessons I've learned during "dark nights" is that Jesus isn't a formula. He isn't a robot I can control or a genie I can call down to help me. Instead, He's a loving friend; and in the moments when we are most broken, when we don't even have the faith or strength to call out to Him, He comes down to us. He can be depended upon in the night, because much as we may feel alone, He promises to never forget us.

Do you have advice for anyone in depression? Are you experiencing a "dark night of the soul" and want some encouragement? Let us know with a comment.

Comments

HEY, GIRLS! We love hearing from you, but feel limited in the ways we can help. For one thing, we’re not trained counselors. If you’re seeking counsel, we encourage you to talk to your pastor or a godly woman in your life as they’ll know more details and can provide you with ongoing accountability and help. Also, the following comments do not necessarily reflect the views of Revive Our Hearts. We reserve the right to remove comments which might be unhelpful, unsuitable, or inappropriate.

    Cupcake
    Definitely experiencing it
    on Thursday, March 4, 2010 at 2:25 am
    Hi and thanks so much for this blog it has encouraged me so much, i am currently struggling with depression and i have been for about 2-3 years now but i am slowly slowly growing closer to God again throught it, one thing i have learned is that the depression tries to make us forget God and forget everything the bible says so i am trying to always think about what God has done for me and focus on those things and that has helped xoxox
    Marissa
    Depression
    on Thursday, March 4, 2010 at 7:42 am
    Hannah, great post! Depression is something I've been semi struggling with. It's been a time where I can call out to God. I feel like David unable to see Gods face. But here's the part David didn't tell us specifically is that when we do call upon God for help and ask for Him to show himself in your life, He will. And I could go on and on but that would be too long of a post! I'm almost completely out o my depression now. Praise God!!!
    Steph
    Re:
    on Thursday, March 4, 2010 at 8:30 am
    I totally agree. I feel like in the Christian arena, depressed people are often looked down upon, because they just aren't "getting it". I also feel a lot of times when people feel depressed they go into denial, because they don't feel accepted in the Christian community. You know - the classic walking into church to the bubbly greeter, "HOW ARE YOU TODAY?" You just don't feel like saying "Praise the Lord, I'm wonderful" when you're depressed.
    It's a difficult balance because on the one hand, you don't want to wallow in your depression, put on black clothes, resort to bad behavior - none of that. It won't help you. But on the other hand, you don't want to completely ignore your depression and keep it to yourself. That won't help you either.

    I think the advice you gave was excellent - especially clinging to what you KNOW. God's truths are so great and so good that they are true NO MATTER WHAT. No matter if you're happy and successful or imprisoned for your faith or facing a loss.

    I would really recommend listening (on Youtube or wherever) to Hillsong's "Desert Song". I love the line that says, "In every season, you are still God, and I have a reason to worship."
    Andy
    Dating Younger Women
    on Thursday, March 4, 2010 at 9:54 am
    I have a male friend who is 40 years old who is courting a 19 year old female. To top it off, he is in middle of a divorce. He is claiming Roman's 14 and that he has grounds to do this. I wanted to get your personal and biblical perspective on this. What do you tell this young woman? I know what I want to say to the man, but it would inappropriate on this blog. LOL. Thoughts?
    Jess
    Thank you!!!!!!!
    on Thursday, March 4, 2010 at 11:10 am
    Thank you so much for this post! I am going through that season,and everything feels so dark and hopeless. The World seems dark and depressing. I feel so hopeless,like life is not worth living. This post has give me HOPE. I heard a verse that says"This to shall pass" I pray that all of us can hold to that PROMISE!
    Tori
    depression
    on Thursday, March 4, 2010 at 11:48 am
    I've been struggling with depression. And I feel as if I'll never be better again. Thanks for sharing this advice, it was encouraging.
    Tori
    depression
    on Thursday, March 4, 2010 at 11:48 am
    I've been struggling with depression. And I feel as if I'll never be better again. Thanks for sharing this advice, it was encouraging.
    Elaina
    Experiencing it - but getting out!
    on Thursday, March 4, 2010 at 12:33 pm
    Oh my gosh, I almost died when I read this post! I can't believe how perfect it is for me - I mean, I have been so depressed lately, and I don't feel like it's ever going to get better. Maybe depressed isn't the right word, but feeling rejected by God is definently how I sort of feel and definently felt in the past! That verse from the Psalms almost perfectly described how I felt and am still sort of feeling. I'm getting better (very slowly), so it really helps to read this post! Darkness of the soul is a perfect way to describe how I've been feeling!
    Thank you so much, Hannah!
    *not.an.angel.anymore*
    Re:
    on Thursday, March 4, 2010 at 12:36 pm
    i am very depressed right now and i always always alwasy put my happy face on before being around people. everyone knows im a "christian" even though its an act. I feel that since everyone believes that i am a christian i dont need to lead them in the wrong direction. I think this is how a lot of people hink (not about the act but about the happiness). Rarely are people actually happy all the time. This is an interesting subject. Thanks for posting on in.
    kim
    Trials
    on Thursday, March 4, 2010 at 1:32 pm
    This is a great blog to address especially to young people who may think being a christian means you will always be happy and never experience any troubles.
    The Word says very clearly "Yet man is born to trouble as surely as sparks fly upward" as well as tells us many stories of people who walked through all kinds of trials. The whole point is that we learn from these experiences and at the same time grow in our relationship to the Lord clinging to his truths! This sounds too simple, yet it is so profound and really does provide such comfort to a weary soul. Afterall, he is the God of all Hope who sets our feet on solid ground...
    anonymous
    re
    on Thursday, March 4, 2010 at 1:42 pm
    this post completely hit home for me! i've really been struggling lately. i've been going through a tough time in my life and it's been hard. i felt like i had lost my joy and had a hard time being happy. i often felt lonely. my spiritual walk kinda started slipping. i wasn't as commited and i started to believe lies from satan. well in the past week or two i started trying to get my life a little bit more on track. to get that fire for the lord back and to have a better relationship with him. but it's been hard. i know he's there but it didn't feel like my prayers were going anywhere. so yesterday i told the Lord that i really needed him to show himself to me. that day he answered my biggest request that i had prayed for during my prayer time. WOW!!! Isn't he great!? That's about the biggest sign i needed. :) i still have some work to do but this is definitely a good start! Thank you for this post!!! if there are any girls struggling like me out there just remember that God is real, he loves you, he's there for you, and he'll answer your prayers in his timing. he wants what's best for you even if it's not what you had in mind. i have certainly learned that.
    God bless all!
    Anonymous
    I was there
    on Thursday, March 4, 2010 at 3:25 pm
    i was there before not to long ago i felt so deppressed and empty, drained and alone, i was bad like suicidal and i would still be there if it wasent for my freinds adn my super boyfreind! if it wasent for them idk what would of happend
    alma
    unspoken Truths to my heart
    on Thursday, March 4, 2010 at 3:59 pm
    Today has been a terrible day for me. i first picked on my boyfriend for not driving skillfully and I say something that hurt his feelings. I apologized for it and we went on having a normal conversation. Then at work I began to get irritated because a lot of calls are coming in (I'm a receptionist) and then one of my coworkers spoke to me in a way I never heard and he thought he was kidding around with me but I didn't take it that way. I told him how I had felt and I wanted to cry because I thought I was just making it to be more than what it was. I was kinda snapping at customers after that because I was hurt. I was continuing to feel irritated because I was trying to get online to read this blog and we were having internet problems. Then I was trying to do some online courses and then I realize my actual class begins in 4 weeks and knowing that I have to come home and possibly help my daughter with homework while I still have to do mine, it made me want to cry all over my keyboard! I'm being too emotional, yet I didn't remind myself to speak Truth in my heart. I was beating myself up because I was thinking to myself, "this is not the way a Christian should behave!" Thank you for this post. I need to reflect on my behavior and remember what I know when I'm having a "dark moment."
    RIA
    WOW
    on Thursday, March 4, 2010 at 4:29 pm
    THANK YOU FOR THAT BLOG!!!!!!!!! IT REALLY HIT HOME!! I'M KINDA OF STRUGGLING RIGHT NOW BECAUSE I WORRY TO MUCH ABOUT EVERYTHING WHEN I KNOW I SHOULDN'T BECAUSE GOD SAYS NOT TO WORRY!!! BUT I BELIEVE THAT THE DEVIL KNOW HOW TO MESS WITH MY MIND SO I TEND TO BELIEVE A LOT OF LIES BUT I CAN SAY THAT IT SO TRUE WE NEED TO MEMORIZE SCRIPTURE AND MEDITATE ON HIS WORD THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THAT REMINDER I REALLY NEED THAT AT THIS MOMENT!!!!
    Elaina
    Verses?
    on Thursday, March 4, 2010 at 7:40 pm
    What kind of verses should we memorize? What will help us during this difficult time? What verses will show us that this will end?
    monica
    post and andy
    on Thursday, March 4, 2010 at 8:22 pm
    I think a huge secret to happiness besides knowing that Jesus is your best friend and always there for you, is keeping busy (not too busy so you get stressed out) and taking time to enjoy the little things in life-- nature, family (if you have a good one) and having regular quiet times. I find it has helped me a lot. and also when you are disappointed with the way your life is going it's good to have little things to fall back on --enjoying nature is very important I think. And also I've found that you have to continually remind yourself that this is just our temporary home and a lot more is in store.

    re:Andy
    you better tell that girl that your friend is a loser and doesn't love her at all. For goodness sake, older guys are the worst thing to get into as I know be experience. I'm sure she won't listen but I'll be praying for her.
    hfarver
    Re: Andy
    on Friday, March 5, 2010 at 11:20 am
    I'm not exactly sure what advice to give, because I don't know the entire situation. Fundamentally, there’s nothing wrong with a 40 year old dating a 19 year old. It’s not a sin and there isn’t any Scripture I can find on the subject. HOWEVER, that’s not to say that it is a wise thing to do. Really, this issue is a matter of the heart and a matter of motivation. As his friend, you have the opportunity and the responsibility to gently help your friend evaluate his motives and the wisdom of his decision to date this girl.

    There's not a lot of Scripture to pull on this subject specifically, but I would bring up questions like, "Do you think this relationship is the BEST thing for the girl?" "Are you dating so-and-so because of selflessness, or because you want to rebound after your divorce and dating a much-younger girl is flattering to your ego?" You could bring up Philippians 2:3-4.

    If I had a 40 year old friend who dated someone 19 (my age), I think I'd try to point out to them the difference of maturity at those ages. While she's just barely an adult, he's old enough to be her father. He's in a different life stage, and it would be tough to have a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship with mutual respect involving someone who has not had nearly the same amount of life experience. Plus, while she could be flattered by a 40 year old man's interest in her, she may not possess the maturity to look at the relationship objectively. His dating her might quickly start taking advantage of her naïveté.

    Hope that helps!
    Miriam
    My dad
    on Friday, March 5, 2010 at 12:09 pm
    I think that the "dark night of the soul" happens to everyone. And if some people haven't experienced that yet, then they eventually will.
    I know that when I lost my dad I thought that all hope was lost. I thought that I would rather be dead than here on earth without my daddy. But, the more that I thought about it, and the more that I prayed about it I realized that I needed some help. Thank god for my friends or I don't know what I would have done!
    I was in a state of depression! But that was year and a half ago. Thank you for this blog, you have really helped me to remember not to go bak into that state of depression.
    Rose
    Woahhh
    on Friday, March 5, 2010 at 5:39 pm
    I love this post. I have never been depressed or even close to depression, but this post really helped me realize something. That big smiley face is what I hope to achieve. Before I accepted Christ, I was confused and lost. Now I've let go and let God!!!
    Jojo
    Re: Elaina
    on Friday, March 5, 2010 at 5:56 pm
    This is a really good post! Long have been my battles with the giant Dispair. Some verses that I have found helpful are Isaiah 61:1-3 because it reminds me that Jesus heals the broken hearted and 1 Corinthains 10:13, because it reminds me that however dark the road may be, God is never going to let it be too hard for me to bear (with the aid of the Holy Spirit).
    Lydia D.
    Dark night of the soul
    on Friday, March 5, 2010 at 10:47 pm
    i'm defintily going through hard times. Three weeks ago I found out that I'll being moving to Georgia from Ohio, and I've never moved before. Then last week my grandpa was put in the hospital, and he died last Sat. On top of all that my brother (who I'm very close to) started dating a girl that no one in our family likes. But he doesn't want to listen to any of our advice. So I could really use some encouragement
    Cutie
    WOW
    on Saturday, March 6, 2010 at 12:10 am
    Wow! Reading all of these stories about people being depressed just makes me depressed! :( Always remember that God is holding your heart, even when it feels like you can't hold on anymore.
    Krlosier
    Re:
    on Saturday, March 6, 2010 at 1:47 pm
    Wow! I've been through depression before. It started out with me geting involved in music and magazines I shouldn't have, which led me to think about myself negatively alot. After that, would do anything for attention and love, and if I didn't get it I abused myself and almost went anorexic. The whole world seemed darm and lonely, and I felt as though everything was against me. But soon enough, with my Christian school environment back (depression was during the summertime) and my good friend coaching me, God who loving sought me back, and a determination to go on, I got back on track. But I definetly have falls again and seem like everything is lonely and sad...but God helps you get through things you never thought you would get through.
    Payton
    Dark Night of the Soul
    on Saturday, March 6, 2010 at 3:50 pm
    wow this message really hit close to home for me thank you so much!!!
    anyway have u heard the song From the Inside Out by Hillsong. It's my favorite song we sing at church. That's prob because it describes my life so well. You should listen to it itz amazing!
    Evelyn Gonzaez
    i strugle with depression
    on Saturday, March 6, 2010 at 7:00 pm
    i don't take medicine. and i don't see a counselor. Growing up in a first generation Mexican home, those things don't happen. My freshman year i struggles badly with depression. not that i didn't have friends. Most of my freshman class knew me as the crazy rebel kid that's super loud. I was on drugs (ecstasy) and drank alcohol. I was living the life. Every one wanted to be me. At point when i had the razor to my wrists, i was finally ready to go deeper than i had been. I was going for my vain. But i just couldn't do it. with as much force as i put on it, it wouldn't touch my skin. That's where i began to "hate" God for not letting me do what i wanted. Someone knocked on the door and i lost concentration. I still cut after that, but i was always to afraid of the incident to happen again. i didn't like the feeling the holy spirit gave me. My sister told my parents one day. My dad threaten to knock all my teeth out if i didst again. i was to terrified to do it anymore at that moment. I stopped for a while. and i began praying every once in a while. But i was never actually happy. I began cutting on my thighs a couple times, but summer was coming around so i stopped. It wasn't until i let God take control of my life and that i started reading his bible that i began to feel a change. Some days i wonder when its coming back. But i have complete faith in God. I may have lost over 100 "friends" and i only count my true friends with my fingers, but I'm happy that people support me. Whenever i feel like cutting again, i just talk to God about it. He's my best friend,even if he's not in flesh, i still hear him. Hopefully this is help to somebody. Your not alone. It may seem at times like God isn't listening, but you have to remember that he also speaks to you in the bible.
    edavis
    Lovergirl
    on Monday, March 8, 2010 at 2:17 pm
    Hey there!

    I'm Erin. The moderator of this blog. Every comment comes through me. I didn't post your original comment, because I didn't think that was a line of conversation that was wise to get into. We don't know the couple that is being discussed and I think making judgements about them teeters on gossiping. I thought the way Hannah responded to the original comment was really good and effectively ended a conversation that could have gotten messy. It wasn't personal. I have to use my discretion when deciding which comments go up and which don't and not everything is a wise thing to talk about in this format. I haven't posted your follow up comments because they have been rude. There is no need to get angry. I hope you will continue to visit the blog and comment. We love hearing from you.

    Erin
    Natalie
    Why do people cut?
    on Tuesday, March 9, 2010 at 1:08 pm
    Ok, I'm not trying to judge anyone who cuts, but I really don't get it. Here's an example, I know this guy who goes to my church and he was a tall, cute, and popular guy, everybody liked him and I thought he was a Christian because he acted like one and he would always partake in communion, but them last summer he totally changed, black hair, black clothes, he never smiled and stopped talking to everyone, and then I found out that he cuts himself (from a very reliable source). It makes no sense at all why he would, he has the sweetest family, goes to a Christian school and everything?????..........Thank you for this blog it is very encouraging, and I really needed this in my life now,
    In Christ,
    Nat
    Anonymous
    Natalie
    on Tuesday, March 9, 2010 at 4:49 pm
    i use to cut it is an addiction i did it for control in my life i felt like that was the only thing i had contrule of. I loved the pain and the marks it would leave it helped me focuse on somthing then wat was goin on insid it was an escape but thrur this blog help and the supportof my freinds and boyfreind i have overcome it! he may have a diff reason but thats why ive did it!
    chloe
    I have some encouragement...
    on Tuesday, March 9, 2010 at 7:59 pm
    When i was in 6th grade i met my best friend. We were introduced by one of our other friends at church and we got along right away like sometimes works out with friends. After I had known her for about 6 months I discovered that she had some problems. She had tried to commit suicide. When I heard about this I felt so sad because we had grown as close to each other in 6 months as some friends do in year and a half. I was unsure about my feelings, I guess I was more shocked then anything else but after things seemed to be getting better for her I calmed down. Things did go better for her for about two months and then she tried again. This time I was absolutely devastated because I loved her so much and I didn't want her to ever feel so helpless or depressed. I went home and I cried and cried and cried...I cried some at church too. After I was done crying I started thinking. I kept on thinking about how sad I was for my friend who had always put on that happy face. For weeks after that I walked around feeling like I was in a box enclosed from the rest of the world just watching it go by me. I couldn't even act like everything was fine around my friends. I soon became depressed. Finally I started to put myself back together again. I would call her or text her once every day to make sure that she was alright and that she didn't need anything. Then one day after I felt almost myself again she tried to committ suicide for the third time. I was at school and there was about 10 minutes left in the day and it was friday. Suddenly I heard my friends voice outside the classroom and I thought that she might of come by to see if I wanted to hang out since it was the weekend. I heard my brother respond, "Yeah she's right in there." He walked into the classroom and told me that she was there. I ran out of the classroom getting ready to greet her with a big hug when I realized that she was in tears. I asked her what was wrong even though I already had my ideas. Right in that moment I had a flash back of little clips from the day that I met her. I saw her telling me about the other two times, I us just having fun with each other, I saw my other friend introducing us. She looked at me and I didn't say anything because I didn't quite know what I should say. Instead, she said to me, "I think we need to talk, is there somewhere that we can go where we won't be followed or heard?" I took her into the bathroom since we weren't technically out of school yet. She explained what had happened and that she would be moving to Colorado with her mom where she could get some help. She promised me that she would come and visit every other weekend and she's kept her promise. Then I said something that I wish that I had never said. I told her that I wanted to cry but I couldn't because I couldn't be seen crying in front of my friends. I knew that this wasn't the reason and that the real reason was that I was too shocked to say much of anything. None the less, she told me that that was fine and that she understood. I told her later the real reason and apologized and cryed with her. She told me that it was fine and that i shouldn't be too upset.
    In the days after she left for colorado i can't explain why but I cried and felt very sad for a short period of time. I only felt sad for about a week and a half. And then, I don't know why maybe it was God giving me peace or something like that, but I knew that my friend was going to be all right. I knew that she was going to go to Colorado and get the help that she needed and that everything was going to be all right. And it was, I'm proud to say that my friend is doing just splendid now and even though she still lives in Colorado, because of what she wants to be when she grows up. She still comes down to visit when she can but she's a much happier person now. Sure she has her days but she can overcome them.
    My point that i'm trying to make by telling you all this story is that even though things may be going bad right now, really bad, they will get better adventually. I'm not promising you that they will get better right away cuz they won't; they'll probably get worse than you can imagine. But if you stay strong, God will reward you. I had to learn that the hard way...
    Anonymous
    Chloe
    on Wednesday, March 10, 2010 at 12:58 pm
    wow that was really encouraging thanks for sharing that!
    countrygirl101
    HELP
    on Wednesday, March 10, 2010 at 1:15 pm
    i am so idk even how to put it, im sorry if this post dosent make any since...

    well a few weeks ago i found out that i may not be ableto have children.. for some of you that might not be a big deal but for me it's huge i have always wanted children a family iwanted to be a mom more than any thing i love babys.. me and my boyfreind had our live planned we wanted kids me more than him but he wanted kids to we are gonna get married in 2 years and i wanna beable to give him wat he wants i feel so incomplete like thers something missing in me cuz i may not beable to have children i've told him about it and of course he's verry suppportive likehe always is he's a great guy, he said he's ok with it and it dosent change the way he feels about me but i know he wants kids i feel like he deserves someone who can gice him what he wants and he said that i am all he wants but i may not beable to give him children i want a family so bad my own family he said we can adopt but thats not the same i want to hold my babys that we have made withour love for each other.. i feel so broken i guess idk whats going on any advice?? do you think i should break up with him i love him so much more than life itself but i cant give him children dosent he deserve someone who can?? or should i just accept it?? i really am confused and just feel horrible
    Marissa
    Re: courtneygirl101
    on Wednesday, March 10, 2010 at 11:00 pm
    Hey girl!!! I'm sooooo sorry!!! I will be praying for you!!! I too want to have lots of kids.
    God has a plan and purpose for everything and it's always good. Read Jeremiah 29:11-13 for encourgagement.
    I was readin dannah greshs book secret keeper the other day and it said how her friend was also told she couldn't have children. One day, she heard God say to reach out and take her baby boy and sure enough she was goin to have a baby boy.
    Maybe God wants to work a miracle through you... There is also the method of adoption. My moms best friend isn't able to have children and they adopted a beatiful baby girl when she was 2 days old.
    Whatever it is, God has a plan for you and it's an amazing and perfect plan. I hope this helps. I'll be praying for ya girl!!!
    Sister in Christ,
    Marissa
    Cupcake :)
    struggle with fear
    on Thursday, March 11, 2010 at 12:59 am
    Hi Guys,

    im really struggling at the moment with fear, im scared of what people think of me, im scared of failing God and people, im scared people wont like me for who i am, im scared of persecution, and yeah i feel like im failing God and im worried about it, i dont know what to do and like i have so many friends at church but i feel embarrassed going to them all the time with my problems i dont know who to talk to about them, as well my best friend she is a christian but i feel like im always asking her for help and she never tells me her problems so then i feel alone in my struggle and i feel like noone else struggles coz people arent honest about it- that makes me really annoyed sometimes i dont know what to do?
    countrygirl101
    Marissa
    on Thursday, March 11, 2010 at 2:20 pm
    Thankyou so much!! my bf has sugested adoption i just so want my own but yes that would be a very good option.. and that would be amazing for a miricle like that to happen!! its not a def yet that i cant but it's a verry good possibility an my family has a history of not being able to have children adn having lots of miscariages but like you said miricles can happen thanks allot for your prayers!
    countrygirl101
    Cupcake
    on Thursday, March 11, 2010 at 4:30 pm
    dont feel like your the only your the only one that struggles with fear.. i go thrue times when i am so afraid of every thing ij just went thrue that like 3weeks ago.. i def know the feeling.. i got help thrue my freind who is a very good freind and my awsome boyfreind i still am having soem problems (c my abouve comments) but my boyfreind is really trying to help me thrue it and this blog is reallly encouraging! it has helped me allot!! well girl ill be praying for you! try not to be discouraged and if you wanna talk im on this blog all the time lol and ill behappy to listen!
    Marissa
    Re: cupcake :)
    on Thursday, March 11, 2010 at 6:39 pm
    Hey girl. I have a question: why do you go to your friends and family with your problems and not to God?? He's the One that can actually fix them. If you read Psalms there are lots of times where ppl are upset and are afraid they are failing God and stuff. But the psalms are their prayers. I suggest that you ask God for help. He really does help! I promise!!!
    Sister in Christ,
    Marissa
    *not.an.angel.anymore*
    re: Natalie
    on Friday, March 12, 2010 at 8:52 am
    i used to cut all the time...and i still do sometimes. I have a sweet family too, and I am in church every time the doors are open. And I always have on my happy face. It goes a lot deeper than that. Cutting happens when you are feeling this sense of pain a lonlieness so deep you dont konw what do do with it. It happens when you feel there is no hope left. Usually there is something that triggers it like keeping major secrets from your parents and feeling gulty for the bad things you're doing or something bad happening to you...I don''t konw if I'm making any sense but I'm trying to explain... Its not just weather or not you have a "nice" life...It's what you're feeling on the inside and weather or not you feel you can talk to someone about it. I know its hard do understand why people do it...It's not natural and its gross and wrong, but people do it for release and control and physical pain (if they dont think they can take their emotional pain)...there are a lot of reasons...anyway I hope this makes sense...
    Cupcake
    Thanks so much
    on Friday, March 12, 2010 at 6:54 pm
    Thank you so much i just really need encouragement at the moment because i feel like im falling so far away from God, but you guys have encouraged me a lot so thanks xoxox i actually find it hard to talk to God about my problems coz i struggle to believe he loves me - it always feels like hes angry at me, also Country girl i really hope everything turns out for you because kids must be a massive blessing and if you have to adopt pray and pray about it and God will show you the way, also thank you so much for praying for me :)
    Cupcake
    Also
    on Friday, March 12, 2010 at 7:01 pm
    I am also really struggling with a sin and i feel so groose about it and i dont want to do it anymore it makes me feel so down about myself and i dont know what to do i just struggle to believe God loves me coz i feel so guilty in front of him- how am i suppose to love who i am when i sin all the time especially this one sin which is too embarrassing to talk about?
    Katydid
    tough times....
    on Friday, March 12, 2010 at 11:15 pm
    thanks for the awesome post! i've been struggling a bit lately..... my life seems to hav been turned upside down.... gone from being unbelievably close to god to feeling totally lost in a spiritual desert. i keep thinking my life is becoming one of those dramatic teen novels, with talk of suicide, drinking, cutting, abuse and girls being molested becoming more and more regular. its seems awfully crazy and i cant seem to be able to feel the lord in my life with the five usual senses. so i resort to my sixth sense..... that of common sense that he has rescued evry other time and faith that he wuld do so again....
    thanks xxx
    Marissa
    Re: katydid
    on Saturday, March 13, 2010 at 10:19 pm
    Girlie, I'm praying for you!!! I have totally been there! I went through a time in my life where I thought becoming like one of those models in Teen magazine would fulfill me forever. I became bulimic and cut my inner thighs (so my scars weren't obvious). I had good friends at the time and they helped me get out of those habits. I called myself a Christian because I went to church and did church stuff but I felt unbelievably lost. I can understand that you're lost in a spiritual desert. Call upon God and he will give you the desires of your heart (psalm 37:4)! It really works. I promise I wouldn't give you a bogus answer!!! Just surround yourself with Gods goodness and get away from the things pulling you away from God. Jesus said that if your eye causes you to sin, gouge it out, right? So cut off all the areas in your life that cause you to sin. God will help you, and I'll keep praying for ya!
    Much love from your sister in Christ,
    Marissa
    edavis
    Countrygirl101
    on Sunday, March 14, 2010 at 3:01 pm
    I realize that facing the prospect of no children is scary. I would really encourage you to search the Bible for answers. There are lots and lots of stories of God closing and opening the womb in the Bible. He created you and He has a plan for you. He is certainly able to overcome any medical challenges you might be facing or He is able to find other ways to give you the desires of your heart. Instead of looking for hope and assurance from your boyfriend, I want to encourage you to find your hope in Jesus. Tell Him about your worries and fear and learn to trust Him with the results.

    Erin
    Nessa
    Re:
    on Sunday, March 14, 2010 at 8:39 pm
    For a long time I've suffered majorly from depression. I would put on such a fake identity and distant myself from everyone. I didn't want friends... I wanted nothing but to die. I felt worthless... Ever since I've accepted Jesus I've felt so much better. I finally realized that one person loves me for who I am, and knows of my struggles without having to explain them. So many oppurtunities have opened up for me and I finally feel like my life has a purpose. I'm still struggling a tiny bit, and sometimes feel a pull back down, but as I continue to read my bible and books such as "Lies Young Women Believe - And the Truth That Sets Them Free" it gives me more confidence and inner piece. I've decided I want to live life to the full, and live it all for God's glory, but that won't happen if I allow depression to consume me like it once had. It's a working progress but as I continue on in God's word, I'm coming out strong. :D
    Countrygirl101
    Edavis thanks & a ???
    on Monday, March 15, 2010 at 1:51 pm
    Thanks erin, i am tlking to God about it.. are you saying its wrong for me to be tlking to my bf about it and wanting him to be ok with it????
    Marissa
    Re: Countrygirl101
    on Wednesday, March 17, 2010 at 7:59 am
    Hey girl! I'm still praying for ya. I think I know why Erin told you to not talk to your boyfriend. You see, having children is between a husband and wife. You guys might be planning to get married someday, but there's no need to talk to him as your BOYFRIEND about that. And there's definately no need to fanasize about what will go on that's a husband and wife thing only. Sorry, but I'm stating my own opinion. Take it from a former boy crazy girl and sister, ok? I love ya and I hope and pray that everything works out.
    Marissa
    countrygirl101
    Marissa
    on Wednesday, March 17, 2010 at 5:05 pm
    i c where your coming from,but were practicly engaged,its not if we get married its when, so i think he has the right too know about the posssibilitys of no children, i didnt want too tell him but i think he had the right too know.. thanks for the prayers! =)
    Marissa
    Re: countrygirl101
    on Wednesday, March 17, 2010 at 11:02 pm
    Sorry, I didn't realize that! I'm no even 14 so I kinda imagine everyone else my age sometiems ya know? Well keep him updated a bit but I still think you should lean on God with your problems and not just your boyfriend. Remember I don't know the total situation so don't think I'm weird if I say something that you're already doing. I try to help by giving suggestions. You don't have to listen. Sorry if I'm being rude at all. I do love you and i hope everything works out!
    Sister in Christ,
    Marissa
    edavis
    Cupcake
    on Friday, March 19, 2010 at 2:48 pm
    I would strongly encourage you to find someone wise and trustworthy to confess your sin to.

    James 5:16 says, "Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective."

    1 John 1:9 promises, "If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness."

    It sounds like your sin is of a sexual nature, so it is probably best to find another female to talk to. Could you talk to your pastor's wife or youth pastor's wife?

    Also, know that God already knows about your sin. He created you and knows everything about you. It may feel shameful to talk with Him about it, but that doesn't hide it from Him. Go to Him with your sin. He can handle it.

    You didn't specify what sin you are struggling with, but a couple of past blog posts came to mind that I think can help you. Here are the links.

    http://www.liesyoungwomenbelieve.com/index.php?id=271

    http://www.liesyoungwomenbelieve.com/index.php?id=291

    Please let me know if there is anything else I can do to help.

    Erin
    countrygirl101
    Marissa
    on Friday, March 19, 2010 at 4:03 pm
    Girl i dont think your being rude at all and i really do appreciate it the advice! Thanks for the prayers, and i love you too! thanks!!!
    wannadie
    feel like dieing
    on Saturday, March 20, 2010 at 5:11 pm
    ok i already know what all of you r gonna say, but i just have to write it somewhere and this is the only place i can right now

    my boyfreind just left me 30 min ago :'( i feel like i cant go on i loved him so much so much he was litteraly my life i dont even want to go on i built my whole life around him is was so perfect when we where together it was like heaven it felt like nothing bad could ever happen to me, it was perfect, it was gonna last forever we were meant too be together, i loved him so much i still do i just wish it could stop i wish it could all stop, thats when i just wanna die theres nothing left too live for with him out of my life, he told me he broke up with me because he isint ready for a relationship right now because he worrys about me too much and he needs to be able too focuse on work so he can save money and so he can be ready later but he wouldent say that later was gonna be with me, he said that he feels numb that he cant feel any thing and i would askhim ? and he would just say i dont know.. i still love him and that will not ever change i told him that i told him i would be waiting and i will if i live that long i feel like i cant go on at all and i dont want too i built my life around him he is my life hes all i thought avout all day and all i dreamed about allnight we where gonna spene the rest of our lifes together..and my whole future is gone i just feel so alone.. people had told me i was unlovable and guess what they where right i am unlovable no one is capable of lovingme i can love but i cant be loved..

    Im sorry i know what all of you are gonna say that i shouldent have had that relationship to just lean on God but i cant i just cant and i wouldent trade the relationship we had that timewe had together i wouldent trade it for anythign and i am still hoping that it will work out i love him so much... im sorry you guys i just had too say this it was all just building up i just had too write it down.. i just wanna die thats all or have his love he is what i want or too die that seems too be the options and i think im loosing imagine that
    edavis
    wannadie
    on Sunday, March 21, 2010 at 2:48 pm
    When I was 16 years old, my first love broke up with me. I felt all of the emotions that you described in your comment. I know that what you are going through right now is very, very painful. I can assure you that things will get better. I am now married to the man of my dreams. I couldn't have imagined my life without that guy that broke my heart, but now I know that God had something so much better in store for me. You can trust Him to have a provision for your future as well.

    My advice is to just take it a day at a time. Give yourself something to look forward to each day, like a long bubble bath, a night out with friends, or your favorite chick flick. As each day passes your heart will get stronger...I promise.

    And lean into Jesus during this time. Spend as much time as possible praying and reading His Word. He promises to be close to you during this season and His Word is rich with hope for you.

    Erin
    Marissa
    Re: wannadie
    on Sunday, March 21, 2010 at 4:22 pm
    Girl, you have me in tears. Have I been there? Oh yeah! This guy I thought completed me and his mom said I was taking away from his swimming career so she made us break up. Well he lives 2 hours away so I was heartbroken I didn't go to school for a week or anything. I thought about committing suicide and stuff like that. I found out a couple of days ago that he got some girl pregnant and his sister texted me and told me that he cheated on me. She thought we hadn't broken up. He made the whole thing up about us not being able to talk or anything!!!! I was devestated because, like you, I made this guy my whole life. Guys aren't worth it. I can promise you that. I don't know why this guy broke up with you and you may not know either but the worst thing you could do is question it. Just completely forget about this guy. Reach out to God and He will comfort you. Spend time with Jesus! He will fill your emptiness. The woman at the well in John 4 was searching for love through men and she found her ultimate love through Jesus. I suggestthat you read that. Also read the Word everyday. It will get you closer to God. Start in John then Read the rest of the gospels. Also read a psalm a day. That should be good. Just remember that God will never leave you or forsake you! Pour your heart out to Him and you will begin to feel better. I promise!!! Keep me updated and tell me how it's going.
    Love from your sister in Christ,
    Marissa
    ps. If he wants to get back together, SAY NO!!!! it will be good for you to be single and focus on somethig other than guys. I love ya girl! Keep strong!
    wannadie
    edavis
    on Sunday, March 21, 2010 at 5:09 pm
    Thanks for this blog its very good too have a place too tlk.. i went too sleep last night crying (and i dont like too cry at all im just not like that) and i creid myslef too sleep then i dreamed about him and i woke up at like 2:00 am and creid and creid and creid its just so hard i never wnt back too bed idk what too do any more i cant beleive its over i just cant accept it at least not untill he comes back and i can see him (hes away working and stuff) i am still hoping that it will all work out but you are right im gonna have too move on i just am hurting soo bad right now and i know that you understand.. you are right i wll try i do like bubble baths and my freinds are already trying too plan stuff with me it just gonna be so hard cause hes gonna be living in my house soon adn i dont know how too act around him i dont see how i can look at him adn not tuch him and know that hes not mine anymore its just gonna be verry very dificult... thank you for every thing it really helps talking to you! love ya
    wannadie(countrygirl101)
    Marrisa
    on Monday, March 22, 2010 at 2:34 pm
    hey, i just wanted to let you know that i am the same girl as countrygirl101, you where right before too lol imagine that i think im always wrong on everything! its all messed up.. as far as him leaving me i really dont understand it all because he says he still loves me he just cant have a realtionship right now.. we had just gottne in a big fight a few days before he broke up and it was my fault i felt really really bad and he said it had nothing too do with it htat it wasnet my fault at all htat it was all him i just cant help but feel that if i hadent argued he wouldent of left me i was really mean to him and he got really depressed and i think he dosent know how too handle his depression i think htat is a big part of it hes oppisite of me on that i lean into him whn i was struggling and i think he pulls away idk i still love him so much i want him to be happy more than any thing we had something special i know it was the reall thing i just think we rushed it it was the wrong timing.. adn if i would have been better i think it would have worked i just dont know its very confusing.. i just hope when he comes back things will be ok i will keep you posted! your a great girl and i am glad you are here for me too talk too! thanks for everything and i think htat if we do get back together than i will not lean so much on him i made him number one in my life and i dont plan on doing that agian and i will try too be a much better girlfreind if i ever get the chance agian i just hope he is happy... thanks for every thing!!! i hope too conitnue talking too you!
    Marissa
    Re: countrygirl101
    on Monday, March 22, 2010 at 4:17 pm
    Oh my goodness I am so sorry. I don't know whatto say. I've imagined you as a perky little blonde who loves life even when it's tough. I'm so sorry. Honey, you aren't always wrong. Don't tell yourself lies. It's not worth it. I used to be anorexic. I fed myself plenty of lies. Keep positive. That's my advice for you. Don't get all down and think you were a bad girlfriend or anything. I think God brought me to talk to you for a reason. I don't think that you should keep thinking about the past but go onto the future. I've experienced this before. Trust me with this.
    Take a girls night out and have a bubble bath or facial or paint your nails. Whatever you wanna do that will make you feel pretty and special. Whatever you do, don't try becoming bulimic or anorexic. I've been there and I really wish that I could make you visualize emotional scars that harming your body leaves.
    Youre the same girl as youbwere before. Don't forget that!!! I wish I could give you my email or something. Erin, could you make some sort of arrangement like that happen? I know blog rules don't allow me to post it.
    Girlie, just have lots of fun being yourself and dot focus on bad bu the good. I'll keep praying for ya.
    Sister in Christ,
    marissa
    edavis
    Marissa
    on Monday, March 22, 2010 at 4:41 pm
    I can't swap contact information for you. Sorry. It just isn't safe. But I love the conversation that is happening. Keep talking to each other right here on the blog.

    Erin
    Countrygirl101
    marissa
    on Tuesday, March 23, 2010 at 7:37 pm
    wow, i think you really are talking to me for a reason, im not sure if its God but its something... I have had like kinda a eating disorder before i started daiting like i would eat just like not much at all but it wasent too bad i am built pretty small so i didnt really have a bad diorder i just watched my weight.. i was pry 90 lbs and i am 5'5 so it wasent like i was a skeliton but at times i would get lower... but any way he didnt like me watching my weight he liked me too eat normaly so i started too and i got up to 103 (I also use to cut i stoped that for him too) so he really did help me allot.. liek i said he completed me.. but any way since we broke up i started not eating again but my mom started noticing taht i wasent so i started just eating a little tiny bit and throwing it up as soon as i ate it i am now down too 84 lbs which is lower than i have been since i was like 13 but then i read your post adn that was kind of shocking its like you read my mind lol.. i am trying too stop so i am not making my self throw up but i cant say that i am eating much... so i just thought that was kinda weird lol..

    as for a perky blonde lol well i have brown hair but i and every one else say all the time that i should of been a blonde cause i act like one lol

    I dont want too be the same girl as before i started dating him it wasent a pretty sight i was lets say EMO yead it was bad i was so depressed all the time it was awful i just wanted too sleep or get drunk or high (which i never got high only drunk 2) and i am a pk kid yeah i know bad right.. but then i met this guy and i am very greatfull for him i wouldnt trade the time we had togehter for anything. he helped me alot.. But i am trying not too go back to that its just really really hard..

    As far as me and God right now, well lets just say we arnt really on speaking terms i am kinda seeing him right now as a big mean guy who has a lot of dolls with allot of needles! and he knows just where too stick them!! i know thats bad but allot of things have happend recently not just that my bf has left me allot of different things..

    about taking a girls night out i would love too but my parents are soo strickt that they hardly let me spend time with my freinds at all but that would really be great.. i really really glad i found you too talk too i really appreciate it! you are a great girl i dont meant too swamp you with all my problems lol it just seems too all come out when i start typing!!! thanks allot sorry it took so long to reply i havent been allowed too get on till now!! thank for listing!! love ya
    Marissa
    Re: countrygirl101
    on Wednesday, March 24, 2010 at 6:48 pm
    Were commenting fiends aren't we? Thanks for sharing your story. It's similar to mine. There was this guy and wveryone thought we were gonna get married including his parents and yeah. that ended and I wanted to die. I think it is God. As for you and God not on speaking terms, I'm a little disappointed. God wants to be your best friend and He loves you. I suggest making a prayer journal and just telling God everything. It will make you feel A LOT better. Also read the Word. If you're really saved, God can give your the desires of your heart and just ask him to do that. (the reference is psalm 37:4 I think).
    Im still praying for ya. I really wantto meet you and tell you that you don't have to be 90 pounds to be beautiful. I'm learning too. My anorexia went away about a year ago. I was 100 but now I'm 120. I look a lot healthier too. I'm 5'3" in case ya wanna know.
    Erin, can I post my evangelism email? It gets spammed all the time so it wouldn't make a difference if I post it right? ppl put their blogs and I want to ask countrygirl101 questions that she probly wouldn't answer onthe blog. I was just wondering. Thanks and have fun at the conference!
    Sister in Christ,
    Marissa
    edavis
    Marissa
    on Wednesday, March 24, 2010 at 11:27 pm
    I can't let you post your email address. It just isn't safe, because I can't control who will see that info. and contact you through this site. Blogs are a little more public so it's different. Sorry...

    Erin
    Countrygirl101
    Marissa
    on Thursday, March 25, 2010 at 2:34 pm
    I would say we are becoming commenting freinds lol but even if you could give me your email i couldnet really email you because i dont have one lol my dad wont let me im only alowed to use his and he reads them all!! but if you go ahead and ask the questions i will probally answer them so you can if you want!!!

    as for me and God i am really trying too work that out idk its just so hard it seems like everything i do gos wrong well i guess ill tell you wat really started the whole thing... this year a 15 year old boy deid unexpectidly from a unknown heart condition he had since birth he was perfectly healthy one day on his 15 birthday he was playing bball they called a time out and he all of a sudden just clappsed just like that he was dead before he hit the floor now this kid wasent your average teenager he was a good kid he and his family had a ministry he did more in his 15 years then most will do there whole lifes and he was still going he was serving God with his life!! and what did he get?? he deid before he even got the chance too live.. he hadent even kissed a girl!! i mean he was a good kid i just dont understand and every one was saying that God could of even caused it too happen because his death could change so many lifes! but guess what so could his life!!!! idk i have been struggling with that imperticualre like before than I was good with God i mean i wouldent what you would say "close" to Him but i mean i didnt ever blame him for the bad stuff but then that happend and im like why would i want too serve a God like that?? idk i know its wrong i just am trying too work thrue it! talking too you really really helps though!! it really encourages me!! i actually just started reading Lies young women beleive i started it before but never finished... right now im kinda stuck on the lie "God is like your father" that one is def one i struggle with that or "Hes my fathers God" witch isint in the book lol...i really will try too work on my relationship with God!! I wish we could meet! could I ask what state you live in without breaking rules?? do you ever go too any teen conferances or church camps?? beacuase we could end up seeing each other some day at one of those if you do lol! well i am very glad you are not anorexic any more!! i am proud of you!! and its not even for me that i think it llooks that good to be that small its more of a controle issue withme bacause i have like 0 contriol in my life.. but i am working on that too! well.. Im sorry i am rambaling lol today would have been me and my bf 5 month annaversary so im kinda having a hard day.. any way thanks for everything!! love ya!
    Marissa
    Re: countrygirl101
    on Saturday, March 27, 2010 at 5:17 pm
    Sorry it's taken me so long to reply!!! that's such an awful story about that boy. Did you know him well? Did he live by you or something? Do you live in Illinois(like me)?
    Anyway, I see where you're coming with. I think you just doubt that God can be there in the midst of this madness. I was there before. My parents had one of the worst divorces that could be known to man and it's still bad. I never thought God could be there even at a young age. I'll pray that you stop doubting Him.
    As for the horrible things that happen, well it's like we live in one big puzzle. God is the puzzle maker and He shows us itty bits of the puzzle and they may not make sense to us right now but when the puzzle is complete it makes a beautiful picture. That's where faith comesin and people say, "God, I have no clue what you're doing but I know it will create something beautiful. Help me to trust you more."
    I really hope you've accepted Jesus. You're a pk so I'm guessing yea. Tell me if I'm wrogn.
    Anyway, God can't do anything bad but he can allow bad things to happen for a greater purpose. I don't want you to get together with your ex bf because this is the time where you need to draw close to God and focus on Him. I love ya and I do NOT want you to get hurt.
    I really hope you don't think I'm stuck up and preachy. I'll keep prayin for ya, hon.
    Lots of love from your sister in Christ,
    Marissa
    tennis_gurl
    fear and insecurity
    on Sunday, March 28, 2010 at 9:54 pm
    Hey Guys, I have always battled with fear and insecurity, to the point where it has dictated every aspect of my life. My father had an affair on my mother about a year ago and he left us....I was insecure before he left and now it is even worse.I was raised in a very dysfuntional home, where love and acceptance was conditonal. I have been saved ever since I was a little girl...I used to be so much closer to God and he was my everything...now at the age of 18 I find myself contemplating on whether or not I cant take it anymore... I look in the mirrior and I have such a bitter hatred torwards my self...I think to myself, "My dad did not even think I was worth staying for." or "You are nothing." I hate myself soo much....I am sooo scared of everything. I feel like God is just sitting up in heaven watching me struggle day by day...Although I know that is not the truth, I still can't motivate my mind to believe otherwise. Sometimes I get so deppressed that I scare myself, and my family. I HATE myself everything about me my personality my looks....sometimes I just want to end it all, but I couldnt do that to my mom and brother. I just really don't know what to do anymore.
    -chloe
    Countrygirl101
    Marissa
    on Monday, March 29, 2010 at 2:00 pm
    Hey!!! it's great to hear from you!!! I do not think you have ever been preachy to me!! i love ya for that lol! the boy wasent a best freind of mine but we knew each other since birth so it was hard.. I do beleive what you said deep down i do its just so hard to totally accept it sometimes..as far as being saved well i think i am i just really have doubts sometimes im still trying to work it out.. i doubt me and my xbf get back together soon :( but i am really really really hoping that we will end up back together.. i tlked to him saterday for like an hour on the phone.. we had a good conversation but we didnt talk about anything importiant (bacause i know he dosent want too) he should be coming home soon though so i will def keep you posted!! i live in arkansas :( so kinda a little ways away lol.. but it still is posiable to meat someday mabey lol i hope so!! I am very sorry about your parents that is so sad :( i have not been in that situation so idk what its like but i know it must be hard i wish there was something i could do or say im just really sorry hang in there i know it must be hard.. well i love ya and keep me posted on whats going onwith you!! thanks for listing!!
    Marissa
    Re: countrygirl101
    on Monday, March 29, 2010 at 5:20 pm
    Hey!!! I was so excited to hear from you!!! anyway, you're going to dislike me very much so but I don't think that you and your xbf should ever get back together any time soon. First idt God would want you too cuz this is him saying, "talk to me!!! I will help you!!!" I encourage you to read John 4. It's th Samaritan woman at the well that we all heard about when we were in kindergarten in Sunday school. I remember the story as well but I don't remember that she was boy crazy! She was!!! And it must be improtant bcuz it was the only recorded thing from Jesuss visit to Samaria. I used to be waaaaay too boy crazy and I got to know God and saw that the only guy you need is Jesus. It's VERY hard yea ik cuz iv been there (and I'm only 13 but I "dated" guys who were 15/16 ish!!!) well guys aren't worth giving up God. Read the Word and find or about God for yourself. Be friends with this guy but don't have in mind that anything is going to come back. See if he still likes you by waiting to see I he will call/text first. My youth pastor said that the reason why guys are supposed to ask the girl/ call the girl is because they will act interested bu may not really be. They're the gender that goes with the flow and wouldn't really care if they got you into an emotional mess. One of my xbfs got another girl pregnant!! They don't care unless they really like you so just wait on that and ask God about it. I hope this helps!
    Btw- how are things with you and your mom? She would be a great person to ask advice bcuz she knows this guy and I don't. If you're uncomfortable with talking to her, talk to someone you trust like an older sister ish type person. It will help a lot. I promise.
    Also, read the Bible, hon. It's the major way God talks to us. I guarantee he will tell ya what to do through that.
    Anyway, I'm sorry to hear that you live in Arkansas. You're a senior right? So where are you going to college?? I'm an 8th grader. I hope you don't think of me as a little kid now....... Haha. I still love ya and I'm prayin for ya but I'm having my own doubts so please pray for me too!
    Sister in Christ,
    Marissa <3
    countrygirl101
    Marissa
    on Tuesday, March 30, 2010 at 12:07 pm
    Hey!! no i do not think of you like you are a litlle girl you are allot younger than i thought but that just means you must be really mature for your age i would of guessed you at at least 15!! any way.. I am just finishing up 11th grade i am homechooled an i am only 15 (16 in 4 months) i am ahead in scholl because i skiped a grade! idk were i am gonna go to colege yet my parents dont want me too go ugh it is so frusterating they wont let me do anything!! so idk what to do yet with that...

    I must not of made it clear before (sorry) that i am not allowed to date or even talk to guys at all!! not even talk about boys i mean it is bad!! so no i cannot talk to them about it and my sisters would tell on me.. I have to call him because he cant call my house and i dont have a cell phone so i cant let him call first but i have made sure that he really wants to talk to me I know you dont think so but he really is different than most guys i mean i was his first gf and his first kiss and he was 18 i mean he is special and he didnt mean to hurt me and he really does feel bad about it.. I just wnat to be his freind right now but i am hoping for more later on.. well i love ya!! thanks for giving me your opionion!! and you are a awsome chicka!!!! Never ever stop standing for what you beleive speak your mind even when it's hard and you know the person istin gonna want to hear it.. never stop that that is a good quality!!
    Countrygirl101
    Marrissa
    on Tuesday, March 30, 2010 at 12:28 pm
    Hey i was just wondering if you got my post under the section "are your pallms up or down"?? about me and my bf relationship
    Marissa
    Re: countrygirl101
    on Tuesday, March 30, 2010 at 3:55 pm
    Girl, you seem awesome! This guy is 3 years older than you and my xbf was 3 years older than me. Coincidence? I think not. I have had the worlds biggest heartbreak or so it seemed. I thoughtthe world of this guy. We "dated" for like a year and it was a long distance relationship. We talked on the phone and emailed. I now wish my parents were as strict as yours. We had too much fun when we saw eachother and that seemed to be the basis of our relationship and one day he just stopped talking to me. I'm really not sure why though i have my ideas. It had been one of the worst weekends of my life and he was there so I thought it had something to do with that so I called him and left a voicmail explaining what happened and that I thought we should break up. Well I never heard from him again. I cried and cried and pretty much put myself into depression. I'm going to be 14 in April, so it pretty much the same age difference for me and you with our xbfs. Well I've learned it's not the end of the world. I still think about him and wonder what really happened. He won't talk to me. Idk about your guy but just be sure to know that Jesus is always there. I don't want to talk to guys. That whole thing that happened wih me and Tyler. Ugh he won't go away and my mom found out and ugh ugh ugh. It's horrible. Strict parets are a blessing!!! They love us and try to protect us. Anyway, what I've learned through this whole thing is that guys are useless to us right now as boyfriends. My best friend is a guy but no more than that. We don't need guys to tell us who we are and define us. If you constantly think about being his then who are you? This is the prime of our lives where we need to figure out Gods plan for us. Chica, I really hope things between you and God are worked out because we need God. He's the only one who can truly help us. I want you to know that it's not a stupid Sunday school answer. It's the truth. Just don focus on your xbf right now. If God really wants y'all to be together then He will bring you guys together. Just wait for His time because he sees the whole picture while we just see little pieces of the puzzle. Keep me updated. How's the no children thing btw? I love ya girlie! God bless ya!
    Sister in Christ,
    Marissa
    Countrygirl101
    Marissa
    on Wednesday, March 31, 2010 at 9:15 am
    You no you are one awesome chicka!!! i love talking to you!! Im sorry about the whole tyler thing, i wish i was there i would put him in his place lol!!! I'm just kinda like that lol.I am very sorry also about that guy I have about come to the decision that guys are heartless (at least untill there old)!! Me and my xbf have had alot of "fun" we fooled around allot we did quite a bit.. It just felt so right... The i still havent been to the doc so idk about the cno kid thing yet..I am really working on my relationship wiht God and I think it is getting a little better... I was having a really bad day yesterday (i put a post on it but it didnt get put on for some reason) but i am better today!!! I hope tyler will leave you alone soon!! i love ya!!!
    Marissa
    Re: countrygirl101
    on Wednesday, March 31, 2010 at 10:03 pm
    Hey girl! I'm so glad that you've decided guys are useless now! They aren't necessarily heartless they just don't think like us and realize we become so emotionally attached.
    The more you tell me the more I think his is God that brought usbtogether. I may be younger than youbbut were definately in the same boat.
    Ive fooled around with so many different guys and I feel horrible about it. Guys aren't what we need right now ya know? I have one question: have you gone all the way cuz I will be harder if you have to stop your relationship with this guy.
    Also, he's coming to lie at your house. I have some tips:
    1) don't wear suggestive clothing or let him see you in your pjs. (kinda hypocritical of me, I know).
    2) make sure you're never "alone" with him. And if you do talk, let it be publicly private. Like go into the kitchen with your mom kinda nearby ya knwo?
    Also, I don't have to knwo what you guys did. Whatever you did, that's between you and him and God. I recommend that you speak with him about this and pray for forgiveness. It will help!
    Also, what are you doing to get closer to God? Maybe we can do the same Bible study and talk about it! What church denomination are you? I'm jw it doesn't really matter but I'm a baptist.
    Things with Tyler are better. My school go involved and my principal went above and beyond the little talk he was supposed to have (because he sent me pictures without the covering... If ya know....) anyway, it's all taken care of and he can't talk to me in any way, shape or form. Thank God!!!
    Anyways, thanks for your prayers. Maybe tone down the post and repost it. Idk (the one about yesterday) talk to ya later!
    Sister in Christ;
    Marissa
    Countrygirl101
    Erin
    on Friday, April 2, 2010 at 11:16 am
    Hey my post didnt come up under this section i was wondering if i broke the rules???? I am very sorry if i did.. If i did i will try to rewrite it
    edavis
    Countrygirl101
    on Friday, April 2, 2010 at 1:50 pm
    I didn't think your comment protected the innocence of others. Keep in mind that not everyone has been exposed to some of the things you were describing.

    Thanks!

    Erin
    Countrygirl101
    Marissa
    on Friday, April 2, 2010 at 2:44 pm
    First i want to say sorry to erin I didnt mean to break the rules with my last post!!

    Ok so i will try again, First i am very glad that tyler cant bother you anymore!! thats great! i am indipendent baptist.. as for bible study i have been trying to do lies young woman beleive i just finished the lie God is just like my fahter witch was a hard one for me.. Me and my X has not gone all the way but i mean we have done ALOT as in everything you can do short of going all the way.. (Erin i hope that was better?) Thanks for the advice and i am not allowed to wear anything even close to suggestive clothing or my pjs aroumd him so were good there lol.. I feel like my life is falling apart agian :( i just found out that my brother is pry moving and i dont think i can live in this house without him he keeps me sain we are really close and i feel liek my world is falling down on top ofme and theres nothing i can do idk im just really messed up right now well i love ya let me know how things are going wiht you!!!
    Marissa
    Re: countrygirl
    on Friday, April 2, 2010 at 2:51 pm
    Hey girlie! I wanna know whatsup so repost it with less info that's unprotective of other ppl. Lol I sound really nosy. Ha! Love ya and keep me updated!
    Marissa
    Re: countrgirl
    on Saturday, April 3, 2010 at 12:19 pm
    I'm a baptist too!!!! Ok I'm soooo sorry about your brother!!! I will pray for him. My parents are divorced so my older bros live wih my dad and it can be kinda hard I know. Just focus on God and pray for your bro. How far away will he be moving? If it isn't that far maybe it will be ok. I hope and pray that it is. I know about goig as far as you can wiht a guy with out going all the way unfortunately. Andwhen you break up it's like someone took your heart and you can never get it back. My mom and I watched the second twilight movie last night and the way Bella was when Edward left was exactly how I felt when my last boyfriend left me. Except he never came back. I was a mess and it was the worst time of my life because I felt like he was the only one who loved me and I thought it was all my fault why he left me. I know how you feel which is why I'm telling you things exactly as they are. Girl, you need to just go to God because he will help you. And I you have NO desire, here's the amazing part: God will give you the desires of your heart (psalm 37:4 I believe)!!!!!!! So just ask him to give you the desire to rely on Him for help and I promise that you will feel much better. I promise!!! Anyway, just pour your heart out to God and I guarantee you'll feel better. If it's hard for you to sit in prayer, keep a prayer journal and write letters to God. That's what I do because I have ADD and I can't really sit still. I'll keep praying for you and I really hope everything works out. I also recommend the book Want More? Life and it's by Natalie Lloyd. It's about fidning God and livin for Him. I thought it was really good and I think it's only maybe up to 15 bucks. Also, read the book of Psalms. It's kinda easy to read because they're songs butthey have a lot of meaning. John is a good book too.
    Sorry this is so long but I know how you feel. I wish I could meet you in person and give you a big hug and take you out for ice cream or soemthign. I'll pray for you. Just tell em how everythings going ok? Love ya!
    Sister in Christ,
    Marissa
    ps- idk if I'm allowed to ask this but what's your first name? I was just wondering and you don't have to answer.
    Countrygirl101
    Marissa
    on Monday, April 5, 2010 at 4:25 pm
    Hey!! it was so sad not hearing from you yesterday lol erin must of been real busy wiht easter!! She puts allot of work into this blog.. I am so glad that we can talk though!! i have had part of a song stuck in my head today it says "Didnt you know how much I loved you baby i gave you everything every part of me" thats how i feel i gave him everything and he didnt want it... I mean there was nothing better then when he would sneak in my room and sleep wiht me for half the night i mean he use to call it his little peice of heaven i felt so perfect like nothing bad could ever happen it was the only time in my life taht i felt 100% Happy and safe.. I miss that so much i miss his tuch i miss him holding me i want him back and i know i cant it hurts so much sometimes when i think about it...my brother will be about 6 hours away but i wont ever beable to go visit him :( i feel like my life has been destroyed twice... I dont knwo how much more i can take I mean half the time i dont even want to live anymore... I am really trying to wokr on my relationship with GOD its just a slow process but i have been writing down some prayers! so thats good thank for everything you have said its great advice and i will look into that book!!! my first name is katy I love ya talk soon!!!
    Kimm
    To Natalie on cutting
    on Tuesday, April 6, 2010 at 1:40 pm
    As an adult I have dealt with the issue of cutting and self injury in my own life. As someone else said it gives the person a sense of control, something to take the focus off of the emotional pain. But what is most important to remember is that it is an idol like anything else. A replacement for God. A way to try to relieve the pain instead of taking it to the Lord.
    I think many cutters would be the type of person that Natalie described. Someone that appears to have it all together, someone that you would be shocked to find out that they do that. These are usually the stuffers and the hiders like me. Cutting is easy to hide from others unlike drugs or alcohol.
    I praise God for my freedom from this. I praise God for the work He has done in my heart and for the counselors who have focused on my heart issues and not my actions. I am a new person.
    If you have friends that cut know that the cutting is not the main issue. It's their heart and their view of God. They need to talk to someone who can help them to see God's love for them. They need the gospel.
    Countrygirl101
    marissa
    on Tuesday, April 6, 2010 at 3:37 pm
    I left you a post under the section "No need for eggs or chocolate bunnies" I was wondering if u got it?
    Marissa
    Re: countrygirl
    on Tuesday, April 6, 2010 at 10:42 pm
    Yeah well I was fasting from the computer anyway.
    About your ex... Well is this guy a Christian??? He doesn't sound like one if you slept in the same bed and had him sneak into your room. I really feel for ya there becaue you feel so safe. My ex told me he would never ever leave me and kissed me sweetly on the lips. The next day, he told me that we should never see eachother again. Well......... That says it all there. I've learned that guys are not always truthful and they can't always be trusted. The only One you can always trust is God. I really hope you read the Word. I like reading psalms. It's a book of songs so it's not all that boring (I certainly found the Bible boring at first!). You're reading lies young women believe right? Keep it up! That book helped me a lot!!!
    I can understand that it's hard with what your boyfriend did with you... But think about it. It was sexual things.... That was your relationship right? Is sexuality something to base a relationship on? I really don't think so. If you see that to be true, I would love to hear your side to rhe story.
    Katy, keep strong and I encourage you to find a godly friend that's a girl (near you- one that you can eat lunch with once a week or something) and have her be your accountability partner and tell her whats going on in your life and have her make sure your not sinnif and keep thinknig about your boufrined.
    I love ya and I'll pray for ya! MAKE SURE YOUR EX DOESNT SNEAK INTO YOUR ROOM WHILE HE LIVES WITH YOU! This is for your own safety.
    Sister in Christ,
    marissa
    ps- I asked my dad if we could ever make a stop in Arkansas on our way to Florida to meet you and he said maybe... If there would be a way for you to tell me the name of your church or soemthinf and Ill go for service or something and ask who the preachers daughter Katy is. Idk just a thought.
    Countrygirl101
    Marissa
    on Wednesday, April 7, 2010 at 2:00 pm
    i put your reply on the section The One so wwe diding have to keep comign back here!
    Payton
    Dark Night
    on Friday, April 9, 2010 at 11:48 am
    Thank you so much for this! I have experienced this many times in the past year, and you helped me realize that lots of the time for me depression strengthens my relationship with God. Lots of times when things are going well I forget to pray and read my Bible...when i'm depressed that's all i do! It can actually help me by causing me to cry out to God

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