Comments

HEY, GIRLS! We love hearing from you, but feel limited in the ways we can help. For one thing, we’re not trained counselors. If you’re seeking counsel, we encourage you to talk to your pastor or a godly woman in your life as they’ll know more details and can provide you with ongoing accountability and help. Also, the following comments do not necessarily reflect the views of Revive Our Hearts. We reserve the right to remove comments which might be unhelpful, unsuitable, or inappropriate.

syd
Re:
on Friday, March 26, 2010 at 12:56 am
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i have been thinking about what i want in a guy for a few weeks now. i have been putting together a list of things i want in the man i marry. this helps sooo much thank you so much for this post.
Joanna
Re:
on Friday, March 26, 2010 at 5:17 am
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Super article
deanna
i live in
on Friday, March 26, 2010 at 8:41 am
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hey!!!wow that is cool..u see i live in spring hill Tennesse..so where dose he live??
Bethany
Titus 1 Man
on Friday, March 26, 2010 at 8:59 am
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I totally agree with this and I thank you for sharing it with us. I do, however, have a boyfriend who has a little rough spots in his life and sometimes it's not a great influence on me. When I first met him (we were just friends) he drank and smoked and did really bad things with his friends. When he asked me out and I told him that I was a strong believer in Christ and a Christian follower. I didn't think dating him was the best decision for me cause I didn't want to be pressured to do anything and I didn't want to be influenced in anything he did. I told him that if he was willing to change for the better and to try to start coming to church with me I would think about it. I started praying for him and asking God to help him make smart choices and to always think of W.W.J.D. He started coming to my church and he tried to change but it was really hard for him. About a month of everything he decided that the people he was hanging out with weren't a great influence in his life, so he left them. Right after that I gave him the answer yes to dating him. He was really nice and sweet. He took me out all the time and wanted to pay for everything. Plus, he would give me really pretty gifts once in awhile. This didn't last long. About six or seven months after we started dating he was getting in trouble with police and his school. I didn't know what was happening. Other things happened but I don't feel to share them. I thought God had helped me with him. I thought God was answering my prayers. Some part of me was mad at God but the other part of me was confused at why these things started happening....especially to me. Well, lets just say that what he did made us separate and break up. I stayed really close friends cause I know God wouldn't want me to walk away from someone who really needs Him. After my ex had figured everything out and started realizing what he had lost (myself) he ran to God with prayer. He asked for my help and to help him on his Christian journey. Of course I helped....why wouldn't I? It's been about a year now and he is doing great. He is at a private Christian College in IN, he plays the drums at his local church, and about three months ago he asked me out again and I said yes. We are stronger than ever and love each other so much. I agree with this post because Titus 1 is the right man but through this journey of mine I think sometimes God wants us to help the men who are suppose to be in our lives....even it they're not all of the above of who "He is..."
Anonymous
Re:
on Friday, March 26, 2010 at 9:14 am
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theres no such thing. they are all out to make girls miserable and break there hearts and any girl that finds a guy that isnt has found one in a trillion.
Lydia D.
funny
on Friday, March 26, 2010 at 9:44 am
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Haha! I love that! I will definitely use that comment. ;) But I do appreciate having a passage to remind myself what I'm looking for in a guy.
Steph
Re:
on Friday, March 26, 2010 at 9:54 am
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That's great. :) I hope my husband will fit all those characteristics!
Talitha Piper
Awesome!
on Friday, March 26, 2010 at 9:56 am
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This is great, Erin! Thanks for posting!
Tori
Titus 1 man
on Friday, March 26, 2010 at 10:55 am
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I just finished reading Dannah Gresh's book And the Bride Wore White. In one of the chapters she had us write what we wanted in our future husband. This post was really great and made me think more about what qualities I should be looking for in my future husband. Thanks!
Karla
Sticky note
on Friday, March 26, 2010 at 11:07 am
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Thanks for that post! From Proverbs 31 I know what a godly woman is supposed to be like; I never realized that Titus 1 has the same, for a godly man!
And I love that quote at the end. I'm going to put it on a sticky note so I remember it! :)
Maree
Love the clarification!
on Friday, March 26, 2010 at 11:20 am
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Hello!
This is my first time to the blog and honestly this post is exactly what I have been needing. Within the past year, I have reached the age and place in college where I feel that God is showing me it is time to start considering marriage as a real possibility. However, it's hard to know who to say yes or no to without any guidelines other than he must be a Christian. Granted, I have had a list in my head of little things I would like for my husband to have-mostly in the way of common interest. But this list is excellent! Now I know more specifically to look for in a Christian young man. Thanks so much for posting this!
Aunt Bebe
Titus 1 Man
on Friday, March 26, 2010 at 11:22 am
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you didn't say if he committed his life to God or not. If he did, Wait on God and listen for his directions. If he did not, Good works will not or should not be good enough. Appearances are very shallow. Some where down the road his true heart will rear up again, then you will be on another rollercoaster ride. Thats if he has not trully committed his heart To God. For you Bethany, Patience and Trust in God Yields great rewards.
DYB
Thank you for this!
on Friday, March 26, 2010 at 11:25 am
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I shared it with 2 friends of mine :)
Lydia
Re:
on Friday, March 26, 2010 at 11:28 am
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Thanks for the post :) The problem is, you never really find or meet a guy like that. Finding a Christian man like that is like finding a needle in a haystack. But it really makes you patient... waiting for that one person.
jessica!`
perfect man
on Friday, March 26, 2010 at 11:40 am
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i completely agree, i love this and i enojoy all these articles you girls leave me. I love how I can actually read something everyday that isn't bad for me to read, that's truely good to read! (: Thanks!!
Anonymous
Re:
on Friday, March 26, 2010 at 12:22 pm
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This is so cool! It's great to have something to base our boyfriend choices on! I don't think we should expect them to be perfect though...
Rae Hartland
Re: Bethany
on Friday, March 26, 2010 at 12:36 pm
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i went through a similar relationship with a boy who suffered with depression after his parents divorced and was not a christian. he went to church w/ me, so i figured i could convert him eventually.
anyway, he lives in CA now, and we don't talk, but a friend of mine is in touch w/ him and is still trying to share the gospel w/ him when she can.

now i have a new b/f, who is a christian, and everything a future husband should be. he is absolutely amazing, and i am not only friends with him, but his whole family. both our parents have decided we will not "date" we shall "Court", and i really think that is what God wants us to do
countrygirl101
Bethany
on Friday, March 26, 2010 at 12:42 pm
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wow that is a great story!! My boyfreind just broke up with me :( we started out best freinds and that led to another and we eventually started dating! it was great we really really had a great relationship all that ended last saterday :( i must say i am very heartbroken and very confused.. I mean he completed me it was the real deal it really was.. but then he left to go to work (hes suppose to be back in a few weeks) and things where great for like the first month then we started arguing more (it was the longest we had been apart it was hard on us) adn then we were talking on the phone and he sayed he wanted to break up i have never cryed so much his reasoning was (i dont really understand it completly) that he wasent ready for a relationship right now that he needed to focuse on work and not have to worry about anything elese heh said he wasent going to be ready in 2 years (which was when we where going to get marreid) so he broke up with me but we still want to be freinds He is like going crazy al of a sudden he said hes confused and dosent no what to do hes really depressed and i want to help and i am trying too.. i just hope that it works out i want to be back together adn i will wait for him but idk if he wants that.. any way sorry its so long your story just incouraged me to not give up on him!! please pray that it will work out and that we will get back together! thanks for sharing your story! and I wont give up on him i will try to help him the best I can!!
Jess
:)
on Friday, March 26, 2010 at 12:52 pm
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Amen! I have never thought have using Titus 1 as a guideline...thanks for the tip! :)

~Jess
Sharon Spencer
Bethany
on Friday, March 26, 2010 at 1:39 pm
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It seems that you handled this sisuation the way the Lord would have wanted you to. You are a very faithfull child of God. Staying in God's Word has allowed you to bring your boyfriend back to the Lord. From your story it seems as though Christ really used you for His plan. I don't know you but you stood up for what you know is the truth. May God Bless You Aways
Sharon Spencer
lorraine
perfect man
on Friday, March 26, 2010 at 1:47 pm
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All the things that are mentioned in Titus 1 are things that must be observed over a long time to distinguish someone who is truly self-controlled, disciplined, etc. These can be "faked" for a while but not over the long-haul. Watch that young man for a year or so in many different circumstances. Then you will know what he is truly made of.
Mitzi Bentley
Voddie
on Friday, March 26, 2010 at 4:31 pm
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I am currently reading Voddie's book What He Must Be....to marry my daughter". It goes into much detail of the Titus 1 man. I am sure that you heard all about it at the conference. I wanted to come with my friends who are there but my schedule and funding just didn't correspond to get me there. I am glad great things are happening. I suggest Voddie's book to any parent of a son or daughter. Wish I had gotten it sooner. Your Modesty information you have been emailing is awesome also.
Ann
I'm looking for a Titus 1 man, what you got?
on Friday, March 26, 2010 at 5:24 pm
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HA! I love the last quote there. I'm gonna have to use that one.

But in all seriousness, that is some high standards and I know that if God wants me to be married He will bring that kind of man into my life - one who draws me closer to Him and challenges me in my walk with God. One thing that I heard once was that it's all about direction not perfection. Because, as we all know, we aren't perfect; we are still growing. But a man has to be headed in the right direction, striving for holiness and growing in the Lord to be ready for marriage.
Sarah M
to bethany
on Friday, March 26, 2010 at 5:54 pm
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Bethany:

I couldnt help but think of myself when I read your comment. I once dated a boy that was not a christian. It started out so innocent. I was like you, and I wanted to help him. I fell in love with his need, if you know what I mean. He was a good kid, he came from a gang background but had pulled himself out and was an athlete in college. I knew he wasnt a christian from the beginning, but my intentions were not to date him, just to be friends and show him how he needed God. Unfortunately, our intentions sometimes get the best of us.

At first I took him to church with me, and he would hang out with me and my friends, but then as we grew to like each other more, I began to spend more time with him, and less time with God. You see, I was not guarding my heart. The bible says in Proverbs 4:23 "to guard your heart with diligence, because out of it flow the issues of life." The more time you spend with a person, the more you become like them. Which, in my influence on him was a good thing, but I allowed him to influence me instead. I was spending less time in God's word, and more time with my boyfriend.

But perhaps worse than me not guarding my heart, was the fact that I let my desires get the best of me. The bible says in James 1:14 that "every man is tempted when he is carried away and enticed by his own lust". I was so caught up in the fact that this boy liked me and wanted to spend time with me, that I forgot about God. God, who loves and created me and has a divine plan for someone who makes me happy now.

And worst of all, in the bible it says in James 1:15 that "lust when it is conceived, brings forth sin, and sin, when it is finished, brings death." I was so led away from God, that I decided to experiment with things I had never tried. One of those things was sex. The further we go from God, the harder it is to hear him call. The wake up call came when I found that I was pregnant. How do you tell your parents that? I didnt. They found out.

And while our God is a redeeming God, AMEN!, and he has restored me. ( I love Isaiah 58:12, it calls God the "repairer of the breach the restorer of paths to dwell in"!) I still suffer consequences today from that mistake. That "boy" is now my husband, and we have 2 little boys, ages 5 and 6, but my husband is still not a christian. I pray for him every day, and I know that God is in control, but my life is not easy. My husband does not go to church with me, and he does not understand my passion for the Lord. And while I am not complaining, this is not the life I would choose for anyone.

Please think about this, and weigh your own heart and intentions. God is to be the central and most important thing in our lives, and when we put something or someone in front of him, there will be consequences. Make sure you spend more time with God than anyone else!!

My favorite verse is 2 Corinthians 3:18, it says "And we, who with unveiled faces all reflect the Lord's glory, are being transformed into his likeness with ever-increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit." Wow!! That is how we become like Christ and protect ourselves, we behold HIM! By studying our bibles, and prayer and praise.

God bless you Bethany, and I am praying for you.

Sarah
annie claghorn
last line to article
on Friday, March 26, 2010 at 6:28 pm
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the last line is killer! great encouragement! thank you.
Lydia
Love it :)
on Friday, March 26, 2010 at 6:28 pm
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Most of this, I already had in for the guy in my head; but I love having scripture to back it up! And I love that quote :) I'll copy and paste that one into a document... You know what I think is also a cool quote?

"A woman's heart should be so lost in God that a man has to seek His heart to find hers."

I try to keep that in mind as I'm growing in my relationship with God.

And, Anon, I don't think your comment's accurate; there are a good amount of men out there who fit this description. Of course, none are perfect-only Jesus is perfect. You seem really angry and bitter, if I'm inferring correctly-anything you need prayed over? And, Beth, so happy for you guys :) Glad that God has used you in your guy's life in a big way.
Melody
What if you've found him?
on Friday, March 26, 2010 at 9:25 pm
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I've recently been introduced to materials by Dr. Baucham as well as other well known authors/pastors on the subject of godly men and women (what we're supposed to be and who we're to look for). Well, what do you do when you've found him? I'm almost 17, is it too early to be in a relationship??
jahzel
Who's the right guy?
on Friday, March 26, 2010 at 9:54 pm
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Thanks Mrs Davis 4 sharing these "treasures" with us. This is my first time reading your blog and you have done a excelent job. I belived in Christ when i was 15. I am now 16 and am new in the faith. Your wisdom is refreshing and gave me directions for my walk with our Lord and savor and in my qualifications for my futur husband+ brother in Christ. It is encouraging beyond words to know there are other christain women who are not setaling for any guy,but are looking for God's best.Waiting,whatching for His gift, in His timing,and in His way .(I hope this makes sense) May God bless
Vicki
Sarah, Countrygirl 101
on Friday, March 26, 2010 at 11:21 pm
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This is my first visit to this blog and how wonderful to hear from so many nice Christian ladies!
Sarah, your story is so near to mine. The big difference is that I was not a Christian when I got married. I married a depressed man because it seemed to cool to help him and he was very handsome. It is great to help folks in need, but when the children start coming along, you need a man who can lead and help you raise up the next generation. I think your ex boyfriend, Country girl, is very wise in saying he is not ready for a relationship since he doesn't seem to know what direction he is going right now.
I surely wish I had a 'character traits' list such as in Titus 1 when I was dating. It is so much easier to love a man 20 years from now who you respect rather than someone you just married for chemistry!
Best wishes ladies....marriage is one of the biggest (and most exciting) decisions of your life, so take it slow and thoughtfully!
Diana
Re:
on Friday, March 26, 2010 at 11:54 pm
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My mom used to tell me to not expect too much from a guy. She would say that oftentimes they would shine up like a new penny once they get the right girl in their life. I think she was just worried I would be too demanding, and end up an old maid. But my advice is, BE DEMANDING!!! I spent two years dating a guy that I was settling for. Although he was a Christian, he wasn't a spiritual leader, and I knew he had big spiritual issues and sin in his life. But, I was afraid that if I ended it with him, I would never find anyone. I figured it would be better to have a loser guy than no guy at all. Praise the Lord, He opened my eyes to the lie Satan was trying to get me to believe. I decided to break up with my boyfriend, realizing no guy was better than the wrong guy!! A few months later, God brought my future husband (who had actually been around, but had been dating the wrong girl!!!) into my life. We have been happily married for 4 years now and I'm soooo glad I didn't settle!!! Mom is usually right, but not on that one! :)
Lily
What to do?
on Saturday, March 27, 2010 at 4:24 am
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I dont know what to do? Last year i started to "court" this guy i knew like forever. I was very much in love with him and It was going great. I thought he was such a titus 1 man. He was known for how much he loved God and wanted to serve him. Everyone thought he was "so" great. He even wanted to become a Pastor! I was ready to marry this guy. I truly felt he was the one and he made me feel like i was the only one he loved.And one day he never called me again. I later found out that he already asked my dad to give me a ring christmas day. I felt like what did i do to make him just leave without saying a word? I found out he was mad at me that my dad asked me to spend thanksgiving at my house then i could go to his house after.( My dad thought this could be my last thanksgiving at home because he already knew that i was going to get a ring for christmas ) It was over something so small that we could have talked about. I later found out he did the same thing to another girl. I was stuned. This was i guy that i thought loved the Lord so much. He keeps the girl and gets a ring and then dumps them? I feel so lame in trusting him. I dont know if i'm going to find a guy that i will ever trust now. I feel like i was just part of this game with him.
EP
Bethany
on Saturday, March 27, 2010 at 7:42 am
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Dear Bethany~

When I saw your post it touched me in a familiar way. I am sorry for this difficult and confusing time in your life. I promise if you keep seeking wise council and words of wisdom from the Lord through the Bible, it will get easier. Sometimes you may even feel much spiritual warfare taking place. Keep proclaiming the words outloud from your bible. You have the tools to bind the devil and claim the word of God in the name of Jesus. Have faith and act on the word as if you already received it. I guess believe to receive as you walk ahead :)

Though at the time it is happening we are so broken in spirit it seems nothing is going to make sense. Sometimes we try to force our own answers to get quick peace. How about a new date for a while? How about dating Jesus? Sounds silly but I promise it is fun and the rewards are great!

Though I am a Mom now, I too had a guy that I was sure was the one. I even thought I would lay down my life for him if I had too. I didn't know Jesus like I should have. Now I see how far removed I was in my thinking. I took time off from dating and started dating Jesus at home in my private quiet times. I started making a list of his qualities. I started to see what he did for others and more. I learned how patient, caring and compassionate he was. Sure there were days I tumbled back into the wordly ways because I wanted someone physical to see and talk to. I could tell I had more peace in gaining my insight from what God needed me to do. Kind of like a road map of life through the Bible.

Then one day as I was ready to date again I started seeing people in my path through the eyes of Jesus. I just started to see clearly what was right for me and what wasn't. It was so natural like knowing a food that just didn't taste right :) If there was someone I didn't want to date, I simply said "No Thank You" and moved on and even made great friends. What a gift while waiting on the person God wanted me to be with.

God brought me my husband with many of his qualities 6 years later. We have a daughter now. We will teach her to use Jesus as a great measuring tool in this hard life. As for the guy I thought was so great. Well, Thank God for unanswered prayers. It turns out he got into drugs so bad his system is damaged and he gave up his career and needs to be near his family now to take care of him in his late 40's.

God does know best. I believe this man I once loved was a stepping stone through a broken heart to lead me to God through Jesus. I can see I was never to be with him. I got to Jesus because of him. God had to take someone I was idolizing and get me to see I should have been worshiping the Lord not him. I hope this helps. I promise God will walk with you every step and tear of the way.

Hang in There...God Bless You!

EP
Bethany
Everyone
on Saturday, March 27, 2010 at 8:30 am
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Wow, thank you ladies for all the feedback. This is my first time blogging and what an experience it is.

Aunt Bebe, I can honestly say that he is trying and praying and learning to be a better Christian and a soldier for God.

Rae Hartland, I'm not forcing him to change or to convert. I gave him a choice....a pretty big choice, but he still could've said "I'm not going to change for you, sorry." We have come a long way and I'm very proud of him. I love his parents and family and it is the same with him and mine. Thank you for sharing your story. I'm so glad you have found your Christan man. :D

countrygirl101, I was totally in the spot last year. I felt like I had lost my better half when we broke up. I didn't know what was going to happen. I was utterly confused. I knew the only thing I could do was to go to God with prayer. I prayed and prayed and I knew if my ex wanted me back we both had to be praying. I wanted to make sure that getting back together was what God really wanted for us. As I said, after a couple months we did get back together and now we are strong than ever. I will be praying for you and your ex. God bless and don't ever give up. Stay w/ prayer and if he wants to ask him if he would pray too.

Sharon Spencer, thank you so much. Sometimes it was really hard to turn to God but I knew He was the only who could help fix what was going on. I needed him. I thank you for your post. God bless!

Sarah M, AMEN!!!! I'm totally there. I love your post and I will keep this w/ me. I took the scriptures you posted and I'm going to be reading them a lot. Thank you so much and I'll be praying for you.

Bethany
Countrygirl101
Bethany
on Saturday, March 27, 2010 at 11:37 am
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Thanks for the prayers!! i really really really hope that me and him work out!!
Jessica N
:)
on Saturday, March 27, 2010 at 11:43 am
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I was there listening to him preach on the 25th and i have to agree it was some kind of amazing of he put men and women in prespective with the titus 1 mand and titus 2 proverbs 31 women! being a teen i really enjoyed this womens conference! to be honest i hadn't ever heared about lies young women beileve until i went to the teen session where Dannah Gresh and Erin Davis spoke to us about many different topics related to there books. i most say the way they put things they spoke about spoke to my heart and has incorage more than i ever expected! i recieved a copy of there book lies young women believe and am now reading it and am enjoying very much! one thing that Mrs. Dannah spoke about was the herbrew word Yada! meaning to know, to be know and to be deeply respected! the reason it stood out to me so much was because in our english laugh yada means "lay" look how much of a difference in meaning from the orinal hebrew txt to our now a day english laugh i my opion has really watered down the word of God because in hebrew one word in differnt context means completly different things where as i english i means only one difination! because of that i have decided to get a hebrew bible and dictionary to go back to God's orginal meaning of his holy word! i hope this will help to better my understand of our Lord and Savior! Thank you! for Mrs. Dannah and Mrs.Erin for coming and speaking to all of the teens at this womens conferecne!
Rachel
Re:
on Saturday, March 27, 2010 at 4:06 pm
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Thanks for this article! I'm taking a course on the Acts and Pauline Epistles at Bible college right now, and I have to read through the book of Titus many times. This passage definitely stood out to me, and it's always a great reminder. Now that I'm in college, many times my focus can shift too easily to the mindset of ''just finding a man so I can be married", which is a dangerous mindset to have on so many levels. I pray every day that God would give me wisdom to not give my heart away to someone just because he shows interest in me. I know it will be worth the wait if I wait for a man who loves the Lord and fits the Titus 1 test. :) I wish I could have gone to the conference this year. I went last year and absolutely loved it. Hopefully I'll be able to do it again when I'm still young enough to go to some of your sessions, Erin. :)
Marissa
Re: countrygirl101
on Saturday, March 27, 2010 at 4:56 pm
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Hey girlie! Again, this is what I think. I know you aren't close to God righ now but what if this was what he's using to get you to come to Him? Draw close to God and DONT focus on getting back together with that guy. I spent waaaaay too much time doing that before. It's a waste. Draw close to God and just ask him to fill you, not this guy. I love you and I'm only saying this because ofthat fact.
Sister in Christ,
Marissa
Steph
Re: Sarah M
on Saturday, March 27, 2010 at 5:33 pm
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I just wanted to say, thank you for sharing your story. That was very interesting and eye-opening. Thank you for sharing your heart and experiences. I pray your husband would see Christ in you and desire a relationship with Him! Stay strong and know your work in the Lord is never in vain!
Payton
Future Husband
on Saturday, March 27, 2010 at 6:35 pm
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Wow, this is a great thing going on here if u know what i'm talking about. Anyway, i'm only 14, so i'm not anywhere near thinking about marriage. And i'm homeschooled, which keeps me mainly isolated from cute guys. That actually is really good for me(so many of the "cute guys" i used to go to school with were NOT Godly young men AT ALL) Anyway, i've decided it's probably going to be courtship for me. when(if) i meet a guy(probably a church friend) at first i'll think i'll just wait and get to know him a little better, and ask God for discernment. And if i think he is a kind of guy i ever would marry, with Titus 1 qualities, i'll think about it. As for dates, i'll just have him over for dinner with my fam, stuff like that. I believe that if i am supposed to marry, God will bring me the man that was designed to be with me in marriage someday. Meanwhile, i'll enjoy dating my boyfriend...Jesus! Becomes if anything or anybody, however great they are, gets in the way of that, they shouldn't be in my life. My relationship with Jesus must be nurtured NOW, so that when everything else comes along, i will have a strong relationship with the lord that can't be broken!
monica
Re:
on Saturday, March 27, 2010 at 11:07 pm
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Must be nice when the guy nicely becomes a christian for you. With me it's like: I'm not gonna change for you so see ya later!
Ayana
Melody
on Sunday, March 28, 2010 at 9:57 am
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I've been want to know that too cus I think I've found him, but arent we too young? I'm 17.
Countrygirl101
Marissa
on Monday, March 29, 2010 at 2:16 pm
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Hi agian lol!! thank you for saying what you think i am very glad you are like that and not worreid about making someone mad lol.. i am trying to work on my relationship with God i really am its just a very slow process.. idk what i am going to do though because he should beback in like 2 weeks and living in my house!! kinda awkward so idk i will keep you posted!! love ya
Rae Hartland
Re: Melody
on Wednesday, March 31, 2010 at 12:26 pm
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here's my advice. before entering into a relationship w/ ur "perfect man" you need to pray about it, talk to your parents, and talk to him. and keep in mind that dating/courting is in preparation for marriage
hope that helps
kimberly
Re:
on Wednesday, March 31, 2010 at 9:25 pm
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Voddie did great Chatanuga was fantastic! good at teen track Erin and Dannah! I want a titus 1 man. Good job Voddie
Meg
Re
on Thursday, April 1, 2010 at 7:43 am
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Even though I am not yet old enough to start dating well now i now to pray and to chose cafefully who i date.
Jen S.
Re:
on Thursday, April 1, 2010 at 9:45 am
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My husband is a Titus 1 man! And I happen to know of several others, so anyone who says they don't exist is wrong. Man was made in the image of God...we need to understand that God's plan for men looks nothing like all the negatives we see in this world. And remember, that as much as we women need this movement back to the values of the Bible, so do the men. We women are more likely to recognize our need for God and seek Him, I think...at any rate, we should all be in prayer for the boys, guys, young men, husbands, leaders.

While I appreciate what Bethany is saying...that sometimes the change of the heart is a journey and not something the majority of men possess right away...I think it is very wise for young women to avoid relationships with young men who do not evidence a love for Jesus and HIS word. Our God delights in giving us new life, and it may be that guy needs to go through this journey to become the man God wants him to be...but in some (many? most? maybe all?!) situations, it will be best for him to do so while he is un-attached to a girl.

Pray for the guys girls. Pray for them.

We are warned in 2 Corinthians 6:14: Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness?

Why is this? It's because God has a GREATER plan. His plan for men and women in relationships is NOT just to satisfy each other...or to make each other happy...or to make people feel fulfilled. His plan for marriage is that it would reveal to the world Christ's love for his bride, the Church. IF we marry (or date!) unbelievers, we are much less able to reflect God's glory in this way. In fact, you may end up with so many problems in your relationship that much of your time and energy will be spent ON the relationship, that could be spent serving God.

Now, the Bible does allow this for believers and non-believers, BUT only in the context of marriage. NOT dating. 1 Cor 7:14 "For the unbelieving husband has been sanctified through his wife, and the unbelieving wife has been sanctified through her believing husband."...then in 15 and 16 But if the unbeliever leaves, let him do so. A believing man or woman is not bound in such circumstances; God has called us to live in peace. How do you know, wife, whether you will save your husband? Or, how do you know, husband, whether you will save your wife? "

Many people have used that passage to defend a believer's choice to marry a non-believer...however, I think it sounds more like we are not "forbidden" from doing so, but we have to be prepared for the consequences...and they are pretty great consequences, don't you think? That the unbeliever can leave because they are not bound by God's law?

I praise God for every example of men and women whom he has restored to fullness after the relationship was started. I'm just saying that it is wise to set your sights on a man who walks blamelessly because he loves God so much that you can see Jesus in him.
Jen S.
Ayana, Melody
on Thursday, April 1, 2010 at 10:12 am
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I met my wonderful, Godly husband when we were both 17. We are 27 now, and we can definitely look back and say "wow, we were so young"...BUT we are so thankful to be together. We had to wait until we were 20 to get married because my family wouldn't allow it, but now we wish we had been married sooner. My family are not Christians and were holding us to very worldly standards.

Melody, Ayana, if you know that these young men are the ones God would have you marry, be in prayer. Talk to your parents about it. Be prepared to hear objection from many people you will encounter. If I had a dollar for every time someone had told me, before I was married "you are way too young to get married!" "you're young, why don't you go enjoy yourself!" "you are about to make a big mistake." "your life will never be your own again" "there are other fish in the pond!".

Pray about how you will respond to this. Remember that people who don't know God will be looking at this through worldly eyes and develop discernment.

The most important things I can tell you about getting married young are some things we had to learn the hard way, and are dealing with the consequences now.

1. Understand money. Seriously. Larry Burkett is great. Find a pastor who can lead you through some financial counseling so you know how to set a budget and avoid debt.

2. Commit yourselves fully to God, no matter what. Love and respect each other as Jesus taught. Be active in a Biblical church and have friends and mentors.

Another seriously important consideration about getting married young is this. Are you ready to surrender your fertility to the Lord? If you're thinking "well, we won't have kids for a while", you need to pray about this and really seek the truth with your heart about whether it is truly God's will for us to desire our own control over the creating of life. If you find, as I found later, that you can't surrender your life in some areas but claim control in others, and that God himself is the author of life in His own time, then you need to be prepared not only for marriage, but for the practical reality of becoming parents at a young age.

I will share with you my own experience. When we got married, I had no idea that Christians would "not" use control. I was on the Pill for a bleeding problem that would last for months and make me very weak and anemic. When we had been married for 2 years, I started to learn that birth control pills can actually cause abortions no matter what "they" tell you, and I felt immediately convicted to stop using them. I asked my doctor and she said "well, you can try, you might get sick again but maybe your body has corrected itself". So I went off the Pill and got pregnant with my son immediately! We were so happy...and when he was born I had just turned 23 and was the first person out of my friends to become a mom, but I loved it through all the challenges. 2 years later my sweet Bethany was born. I kind of thought I'd be pregnant again by now but we are in a transitional season of life and I know that God provides...sometimes he says "not yet" and sometimes he says "yes".

I know this is long, but I also know that if you are 17 and serious about getting married, you need wise and serious advice and I hope that my experience helps you.

If you have Christian parents, this will probably go much easier for you than it went for me. I have recently become friends with several other couples who met when they were very young (some even grew up together) and they have such beautiful marriages. I think our culture has forgotten the beauty and purity of that kind of young. My friends who insisted upon dating, dating, dating and not getting married until they were "30, at least!" have had their hearts broken time and time again, and there is a lot of damage to repair by that point.

If God has brought you together and you are seeking to honor him, and in doing so if you can obey his command to honor your parents, and also commit yourself to wise and careful planning and accountability, he will bless your marriage and give you many wonderful years together.

I am thankful for my husband every day and I pray that our marriage will be a shining light for others!
Jen S.
sorry! one more thing!
on Thursday, April 1, 2010 at 10:48 am
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My comments haven't been approved yet so I can't read over them, but I just wanted to clearly emphasize to girls who are meeting their husbands in their late teens that marriage is something to approach with much prayer and serious study. It is the most serious vow you can make before God.

My thinking on this is that girls who grew up in Christian homes and hopefully had a good model and good education about Biblical marriage are going to be far more prepared for marriage at a young age than girls who did not. I didn't grow up in a Christian home and was a very new Christian (who wasn't allowed by my non-practicing Catholic family to find a church) when I met my husband, and the worldly, feminist values I was raised with set up a huge struggle for me. Yes, I loved Kevin and wanted to marry him, but I was also caught up in everything I had ever been told about going to college no matter what, fulfilling your self, etc. My insistence on going to college because I didn't want to disappoint my family left us with a huge debt burden that I always assumed my job would repay quickly...even then I was not mature enough to consider that God would have me be a mother and a homekeeper. Now our budget is slim and my dear husband pays my debt while I watch a child to bring in some extra income, but those years in college were very damaging for me in a lot of ways.

The moral of the story I'm trying to share with you girls is this: if you choose marriage, it is wise to be prepared. Examine your heart to understand why you want this and why you think it is right at this time, and then ask God to examine your heart and convict you of any areas in your life you need to submit to him and make straight, and grow before he would have you marry. Let it be HIS plan that leads, not your own.

Love you, sisters.
monica
to Jen S
on Saturday, April 3, 2010 at 12:31 am
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thank you for your advice. I'm not gonna be married anytime soon as I don't even have a boyfriend. I've had a couple frustrating experiences in the last half year and I know that especially one didn't work out mostly because of my untrusting and selfish attitude. I have decided to get a closer relationship with God first and learn to be happy being single before I start thinking about guys again. I'm glad you have a happy, godly marriage. But even though I decided to not think about guys anymore for awhile it's so hard. I wonder if it's even possible. Sometimes it seems like your body is craving to have a baby and be married. I know I don't need it now or it would be happening but isn't it normal? I mean we women were created to have those feelings and needs. I don't see how I can just turn the button off until the right guy comes around.
I agree with you about birth control. My dad and mom had 12 kids. At first they weren't christians but later they became converted and decided to quit using birthcontrol. Of course everyone thought they were crazy and especially at that time it was very unusual to have a large family. I can't begin to tell you all the rude remarks and dark prophecies my parents have gotten. But I know they never regretted it and I don't either, in spite of some people saying that living in a large family is survival. I think it's tons of fun :)
Thanks for hearing me out!
Megan
oh woah(:
on Saturday, April 3, 2010 at 2:44 pm
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haha at first i thought that the picture was the 'perfect guy.' i was like whahhhh? hes old! haha
but then i read the article and its good advice,
thanks(:
God's Servant
Re: Titus 1
on Monday, April 5, 2010 at 12:59 pm
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I love it! Thanks for the encouragement. Now I know what to look for. What you got?lol
Sara
:)
on Thursday, April 8, 2010 at 1:26 pm
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I am puting all of these qualities on my
qualitylist for my future husband. I wish I could of heard Pastor Voddie Baucham. Thank you for posting this Erin.
Bri
Countrygirl101
on Friday, April 9, 2010 at 12:40 pm
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I know you love this man very much, but do not put all your stock on him. I was recently broken up with, and I was so sure I was going to marry the guy who broke up with me. I know you don't want to hear this, and neither did I, but the best thing you can do for him is to stay out of his life for now. That's what he wanted by breaking up for you. If there's ever going to be any chance of him wanting you back, you need to not talk to him, not be needy, and give him his space. Make him want you back and want to pursue you. It's hard, I know! I'm there with you right now! I don't fully understand God's plan, but I know I am complete in Him, and no other person can fill me up or be my other (more than) half than He can. Fight the good fight sis!
Lily
Bri
on Tuesday, April 13, 2010 at 4:48 pm
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What you said is so true. I was also about to marry someone and he was going to give me a ring for my eighteen birthday this past monday. then one day after a wonderful night out he never talked to me again. I later found out his mom had a big say in it and he was going along with her. It was over something so small (were i spent thankgiving meal!) so like you said if he really loves you he will come back. Its so hard to not call and try to get him back. And like you were saying countrygirl101, It does seem like the pretty girls get the guys and i'm trying very hard right now not to think that way. I think it has something to do with when a guy does leave you feel as if your just plain ugly. But what we have to try and remember God made each and every one of us!
banana
my guyyy
on Thursday, April 15, 2010 at 1:23 am
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im in 7th grade, and i have the boyfriend of my dreams.
i have liked him for 3 loong years, and finally he asked me out a month ago, and we have been going out ever since. he is so sweet to me, and he always asks me about kissing him, he really wants to, and i dont see whats wrong with it. would it be bad if we kissed? is it scary?
Randa
banana
on Thursday, April 15, 2010 at 10:00 pm
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In the Bible it says not to awaken love till the time is right (this is repeated 3 times in the book of Solomon) and it also says that there is not to even be a hint of sexual sin among you...this includes wearing shirts too low and and kissing....plus you will regret it later
Randa
banana
on Thursday, April 15, 2010 at 10:04 pm
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read Pro. 31:10-31 and Titus 4
Randa
banana
on Friday, April 16, 2010 at 9:44 am
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Sorry I gave you the wrong verse its Ephesians 5:3 and Matthew 5:28
Patty
I am i rong?
on Saturday, April 17, 2010 at 2:38 pm
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So last year my sundayschool teacher was talking about how we should not look for "the one" but let God bring him to us. I agree and have been practicing it for a while. But then, Joseph came into my life. For a while iwas trying to convence myself that i didnt like him, and i prayed so many times for God to take my feelings away. But they never did. So I started hanging around him and i realised how many good atributes he has. He is everything listed above on the "he is" list.

Am I rong to think God may have braught him to me?
~Beth~
HELP!!
on Thursday, April 22, 2010 at 5:05 pm
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I need help! I totally loved the verses shared and I was encouraged by the fact that somewhere out there God has that man ready and waiting for me as long as I am right and following him.
But I have a problem.....I want it NOW! =) All of my friends around me, my brother, their friends, have people that they are in a relationship with or they both like one another or something like that! I have NONE of that! The boy I adore I never see! We are really good friends with his family because we are all so much alike. They are such a wonderful Christian family and he is a wonderful Christian boy. I'm only 16 so I know marriage is a LOONG way off, but I have this strange and good feeling about this boy that he could be something more than just a friend in the future. The only problem is I hardly ever see him! How am I supposed to gain the patience to wait for the right one? I know the right thing to do, it's just REALLY hard to put it in to practice!! HELP!
Destiny
HELP!!!!!
on Monday, April 26, 2010 at 5:53 pm
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Help? I don't know what to do right now because i met this guy i've known him for four months now. And we went to the movies last saturday and saw alice in wonderland and then we both went our own ways but He's what i want in a guy and im what he wants in a girl what should we do? We are both christians we like each other.... We definetly dont see each other ALL the time like some girls we only see each other maybe once a week or every once a month or something like that do any of you girls know what i should do because i dont but we talk on the phone for maybe fifteen minutes every two night is that good we don't spend time alone we are always in public we both have a similar back ground. We are both in foster care have been for about 4 years him only 1 but we understand each other and we like each other. Please help....... with whatever you can help me with thanks
love,
destiny
Lisa
Jen S.
on Tuesday, April 27, 2010 at 10:28 pm
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Hi Jen S:

Wow - I really needed your post. I don't know if you're still reading this thread, but I just wanted to say I really appreciate it.

Like you, I grew up in an environment that values feminism and women's personal achievement. I can remember being a young girl and my mother warning me how unwise it was to sneak away and get married before getting a college education. I grew up in a Christian family, but not necessarily one that values young-marriage views.

A few of my Christian mentors have started talking to me about young marriage - and it seems to have Biblical support. What should I do if I believe this view? Am I throwing my life away? How can I talk to my parents about this idea without them totally dismissing the idea? Are there even guys out there open to the idea?

Anyway, I'd really appreciate more dialogue on the topic.
Erin Davis
Destiny
on Friday, April 30, 2010 at 4:54 pm
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It's hard for me to make a decision about what is the best choice for you. I strongly encourage you to pray about it. Seek God's will.

James 1:5 says, "If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him."

It would also be wise to talk to your parents or a wise Christian adult.

Hope this helps.

Erin
Anonymous
awesome
on Wednesday, May 5, 2010 at 9:43 am
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This is an awesome article!
And no worries, I'v been waiting and I'll keep waiting:] I'm even to the point where I know if I don't get married and have kids that I'll be ok. I'm ready for God to take me on an adventure with or without a guy. ;D
AnnaBell
it's so hard.
on Friday, May 7, 2010 at 8:55 pm
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I like this guy and he has all those above attributes, he is 20 and I will be turning 17 in a few months. I can't get him out of my head and I have prayed that if these feelings aren't from God, then please take them away...and they are still here. What should I do?
alinama
so true.
on Tuesday, May 18, 2010 at 8:51 pm
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amazing descriptions and wonderfully written
so helpful :)
Samantha
thank you!
on Saturday, June 5, 2010 at 4:47 am
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it's hard waiting for the perfect guy but this has giving me the patients to wait!!!
Michelle
Help! ;(
on Friday, June 18, 2010 at 1:19 am
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Hey guys! Oops! I meant girls! Okay, this is the first time I've been on your blog, and I personally think that all you girls are just totally awesome! But I need help. I feel like my life is totally falling apart! For quite a while, I was reading my Bible, my mowing business was thriving, and I had a friend of mine who I thought/think is the best guy in the world and I "knew" that he loved/loves me. As a side note, I've been diagnosed with migrains since I was three or four, I'm 14 now (I feel young compared to most of you) but my head really wasn't very bad at all. And I'm allergic to wheat, my Mom thinks that it is wheat that causes my migrains. Anyway, everything was going "perfect", I couldn't have been a happier person. But then a few weeks ago, everything started falling apart. My mower has been really unreliable lately thus, making me lose customers. We tried a chiropractor that our friends suggested, but now my head has been a LOT worse, and now I have back problems. To top it all off, "my guy" has totally been acting really weird, and our parents have separated us for a time being on account of his bad behaviour... I don't want to go into details, but I'm just simply heart-broken. My relationship with God has been pretty bad lately. I think that satan has been targeting our family for a while... I have eight siblings and there is some kind of medical problem with every single one, including myself, and that's really hard on my Mom. I havn't been able to find someone to talk to, someone who will listen, and maybe understand? I don't know... I guess I should be going to God in all this, but it seems like God has like, like... He's blessed me for a time, but now he needs to go on to someone else. I know that God is omnipresant, and that he loves me, but God's not a person. I have felt love from other people, but not from God. I feel like I need to feel loved before I really am. Is that not true? I feel like God is kind-of abandoning me, but I've been abandoning Him I guess. I thought that this guy was made for me. My parents and siblings and even his parents thought that we would work really good together, accept he didn't think so, and I thought that it would just take time, but I guess not... I'm sorry guys... girls, sorry... I don't mean to be a bummer or anything, but I guess if you could pray for me and my family, I would apreciate it. I'm just really feeling... like... dying... my life was so much better just a month ago... Sigh... BTW, I can't find where it is now, but Ruby's story is AWESOME!!! I pray that God will bless you and enrich your christian walk, and I'll pray for your family. I will pray for all of you when ever I remember. I love you all very much!
Love in Christ,
Michelle C.
Annie
to Michelle
on Monday, June 21, 2010 at 2:51 am
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Hey there, I hope that things are a bit cooler than they were before and that you're feeling better right now. It may seem weird that I'm giving advice for a teen when I am a teen too, but I hope that it is God's Word through my fingers that are writing this comment. Well, I had a very tough period in my life too, and what made it tougher was that I was not close to God at that time. My family was practically broken, like, in pieces. My parents got divorced and I suddenly felt that all my relationships were going down, down, and down. I know that your story is different than mine, but it kinda relates by the fact that I felt like I was forsaken by everyone, even by God. My bad, I was TOTALLY wrong. Certainly, the lies of the enemy entered my mind and were trying to enter to my heart. Let me tell you something, please do not let the enemy's lies into your heart. God loves you and a LOT. Even more than you think. He loves you that much that he is always watching over you. He sends his angels with you to guard you and protect you. And He is always aware of your needs. And right, as you said, He knows it all. He NEVER abandones you. Psalm 34:15 says that His eyes are always watching you. Trust me, pray a lot and remember that the problems that you're having happen for a reason, God wants you to strengthen your faith and relationship with Him. He loves you, and He wants to be your friend, there's no one like Him. He is loving, caring and He is interested in you.
I extremely recommend you to read the book "lies young women believe" and pay special attention to lie #2.
I'll be praying for you.
Hope everything's okay & God bless You greatly!!
Your sister in Christ,
Annie.
Michelle
Thanks!
on Tuesday, July 6, 2010 at 12:42 am
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Thanks Annie so much for your encouragement! I am blessed. I am feeling a little bit better, but God is still working on me. I guess I just need to learn how to accept it and actually change. When I wrote my comment, I knew that there were people in worse situations than I am, and I really don't have anything to complain about. I don't know. I'm so sorry that your parents got divorced! I've never been through something like that and I probably never will. I've never really known any one who has been through that, so I have NO idea how it feels or anything, but I'm sorry anyway. I always hear from other people that God loves me and I know that He does, but I still doubt Him sometimes... Doubt is a sin, isn't it? Ughhh... Sorry, I don't mean to be pessimistic. I've started praying that I would fully understand how God really loves me even though I don't think so, or whatever. My sister just got that book! I skimmed through it the other day and that is how I found out about the blog. I've started reading it and I'm about half-way through it. It's very good so far, and I see how lie #2 applies to me. Thanks for your prayers, I know that God is trying to help me, I just need to take up His offer. We may never meet or talk again, but I will always try to remember you in my prayers too. Love to all you girls!!!
Your sister in Christ,
Michelle C.
halli
ummmm....... ;)
on Wednesday, July 21, 2010 at 4:15 pm
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ok LISTEN UP!!!! i have a BIGGG problem. i really want to wait on the right guy. im only 14 so for me thats a LOOONG time.the problem? i am in LOVE with this guy from church and i know he likes me back but he doesnt meet the "he is" list. he wants me to go to the movies with him even though mom wont let me date she said that since im going with a group it wont really be like a date. but the thing is the group is not all that godly and i think they are planning some thing other than just a movie. im not sure though so what do i do? <3
Been There Done That and Regretting it
Halli
on Saturday, July 31, 2010 at 7:15 pm
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I hope I'm not too late but my advice is don't go. Take yourself out of every situation that has to do with him and pray and ask God to help your to guard your heart and take it from this man and keep it for Himself until you are old enough to get married. I have been in a similar situation unfortunately the guy I still love matches up to the “he is” and “he isn’t” lists perfectly. I say unfortunately because it would be easier if he didn’t because I know it wouldn’t honor God to marry him. Ask God to help you keep you thoughts pure, don’t listen to love songs, or read romantic books (even Jane Austin). Hope this helps.
Anna S.
halli
on Thursday, October 21, 2010 at 8:16 pm
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I know this is going to sound harsh but I know it will probably keep you out of trouble. DON"T GO!!!!!
1) you are only 14
2) as you said your self he doesn't meet the "he is" list, so until he does, which he may never, it is a plan NO!
3) again this may sound harsh but I think it is best to be straight forward with you and you asked for an answer so. You said "i think they are planning some thing other than just a movie." They probably are, and that can't be good, so don't even let yourself be in the situation to be tempted! If you go it will be so much harder to say no to that other thing what ever it may be! And it will be so much easier now to just say no to the whole thing. I don't want you to fall, you are so important to God! He made you! And if this guy doesn't meet the "he is" list then he isn't the right one, I know he probably seems so great and like the best guy you have ever known, but God has a huge wonderful plan for you that (if you can imagine it) includes a Million times better guy than this one!!! Please, stay true to God, and your future husband! (which this guy may seem like "the one" but you can't marry him right now, so wait! PLEASE!!!!!)

P.S. I see that you wrote that in July, and this is October so it is too late for this situation but I hope this still helps you and I will be praying for you!
halli
awwe; you guys!
on Saturday, November 27, 2010 at 12:34 pm
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thank yall soooooooo much! i didn't go. God convicted me and i just said no. i just want to thank you both sooo much 4 your prayer and advice! (even if it was late ;)) love in christ halli <3 xoxo
Libbie
titus 1 man
on Wednesday, February 2, 2011 at 11:52 pm
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ok, so i have pretty much found a guy like that. he is sweet and kind and he loves the lord. . . . we dated once before and it ended terrible because i had just turned 14 and had never had a bf before and i guess i was just scared (and i don't know why). anyway, 2 yrs later and we r starting to come around to the liking each other stage again. i like him and everyone can tell he likes me but he won't do anything about it. and i won't be the first to say anything because what if it's just me? and my dad is a preacher so if i like someone he checks em out first. but i have prayed. been praying or a yr. and i know i need to be patient but i have been for 1 1/2 yrs. any advice on how to be patient and wait for God's answer?
Brittney
Re:
on Monday, July 18, 2011 at 7:33 pm
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thank u guys sooo much for that post, it was so helpful, adn somehting i'll always remember :)
Elizabeth
Guys and God
on Monday, July 18, 2011 at 7:34 pm
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Hey girls! :D
Well, i don't know exactly how to put this, so i'm just gonna say it. ok, so i go to a bording school, and there was this guy there who was REALLY sweet, and really nice and i thought about liking him, but i knew i couldn't cuz one of my friends liked him, and i would be like betraying her.

So i didn't like him, but then i found out that he liked me, and my feelings started to change, and pluss my friend didn't like him anymore. So i started to like him, and we started to hang out more, but just on campus and stuff, we never did anything by ourselves.

So we hung out more, and we started to get closer, and he even wrote me a song! it was the cutest thing a guy ever did for me. He was kinda like my dream guy. Spring break came, and we were like emailing each other everyday. And i was talking to God about all of it, adn keeping Him in the loop, and i thought everything was fine until God told me not to like him anymore.

It was soooo hard for me, cuz he was an amazing guy, and he was really sweet to me,a nd i couldn't figure out why God didn't want me to like him. we hadn't done anything wrong. i don't know, but i emailed him, and told him i couldn't like him anymore, and he was like heart broken. i was too. BUt i got back to my school, and me and him talked, and we said we could still be friends, but we're really not that great of friends. we dont' really hang out together anymore. :(

And the worst part is that after he stopped liking me, he liked my best friend, and its soo hard on me, cuz i'm trying to be supportive for her, but i just don't know what to do. I've talked to God, adn He's encouraged me in some ways, but its still hard to deal with. any suggestions?

~Elizabeth
Kate
Hold out for a hero!
on Wednesday, August 24, 2011 at 2:44 am
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Thank you for that, we should be holding out for a husband like that. I've heard alot of people tell me that those kind of guys don't exist, so why should they stick to their morals if the guy gets to do whatever they want? or that they should just settle. Let me tell you that they DO exist. No, theyre not perfect, but I know of at least 10 guys who are striving to follow God with their whole hearts. One was actually talking to me about how he wanted to be strong in his faith, because he knew that God was calling him to do that for his future wife (and he's in a relationship, so no he wasnt saying it to make me like him). And also, if we aren't holding guys, and ourselves, to a higher standard, what encouragement are they getting to act Godly?I believe that if you respect God enough to honor him in this aspect of your life, He'll give you direction- either by allowing you to meet Mr. Right, or theres always the possibility that God might not mean for you to get married. One thing though, is that maybe God is protecting you by not showing you Mr. Right yet, maybe the guy isnt ready yet, who knows.But God has it all worked out in his timing, and he doesn't want you to just "settle", you're worth more than that.
Viola
Payton
on Sunday, April 8, 2012 at 8:16 am
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Payton I know how u feel I've been homeschooled for 3yrs and I never thought of homeschool like were Going to have awesome husbands because we arent at a school following ungodly ways thx for the encouragement of being homeschooled
So confused....
Sorry, this is really really late, but...
on Wednesday, December 5, 2012 at 12:01 pm
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Okay, I'm only 15, but the guy I like is patient, kind, loving, always trying to do what is right, committed to developing a good relationship with God, self-controlled, not hasty, generally a rule-follower, definitely NOT overbearing, completely lacking in the quick-temper department, and for certain not given to drunkenness, smoking, or violence. I obviously think he's a pretty awesome guy, which is why I like him in the first place.
But he's definitely not blameless, which is why he and I are sort of in a relationship without my parents consent. And I guess that completely defies everything I just said about how he follows the rules. BUT aside from our relationship, he DOES follow the guidelines. And we've been together for 2 years, but we've only just gotten to our first kiss about a week ago, moreover deciding not to kiss anymore...
But the point is: I've found an awesome guy who I think more or less qualifies for the above critique, and I'm not 100 percent sure I'll marry him in the future, but right now, I can't think of any other person I'd trust more or be happier with. Does that still mean I should stop this relationship because my parents don't know about it or don't approve of it?
They think a girl should only date when they're ready for marriage because there's college to go through, but since both he and I know of this risk, and that we can't stop liking each other no matter how many disagreements I've had with my parents over him, we've just really come to an agreement to just separate at college just in case we find someone better. In the meantime, we planned on just going back to and keeping a physically-pure relationship, still secret from my parents. I don't get how my parents cant agree to such a relationship (hence the going behind their backs), but I can't think of any guy who better fits the above critique, and I'm still clueless about what's right or not about this relationship...

Help please?
Lorree, with the LYWB team
@ So confused
on Thursday, December 6, 2012 at 5:16 pm
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Oh my friend! I encourage you to not keep this relationship with this young man a secret any longer from your parents. It is not a good way to honor your parents as God tells us to (Eph. 6:2). If the young man is serious about continuing in a relationship he should approach your dad and they can discuss how to go forward once it is all out in the open.

Our enemy thrives in secrecy, my friend. Anytime something has to be hidden from those we love, it is not right. Although you can’t understand your parent’s thoughts in this area, you should trust that they have your best interest at the center of their hearts. God gave us parents to protect us and lead us until the time that we are grown and either married or on our own. Although this guy sounds great and you have feelings for him, it is best to bring this out in the open with your parents and choose to obey them.

I’m praying for you, my friend, and asking God to continue to convict your heart of the need to bring this out into the open and walk in obedience with your parents. I’m asking Him to give you the courage to do the right thing even though it is hard.
So confused...
But...
on Saturday, December 8, 2012 at 12:11 pm
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I know it's not honoring my parents nor is it improving my relationship with God. I've been aware of that recently...

But I've already had many "melt-down" episodes with my whole family staring at me and hammering me about the smallest things concerning him, for example just talking to him a bit too much, or sitting next to him in the lounge. I don't want to have any conflicts with my family, so I DO control myself more in public, and it seems as if they don't have any issues with what they see currently. However, with my family's explosive reactions to these tiniest details, I don't want to and I can't make myself tell them anything! I try to avoid mentioning his name AT ALL when chatting with my family, for fear it will bring on another round of heated berating.

In the meantime, this "young man" in consideration has already become a close, trusted, friend - and more. I love him just as much as my brother, and I can't stand the thought of being separated from him (this is the most likely thing that will happen if I tell my family, considering all the, er, "debates" we've had previously). My mom had already threatened me with a "grounding" from him if I ever got too... close, such as sitting side by side. Grounded from him means not going to school because he's there, not going to Bible Study because he'll attend, and being banned from Chatting Applications (Such as Yahoo Messenger) because I might chat with him. With such threats on the horizon, I'd much rather just remain quiet than not be able to meet him.

Are my fears understandable? I know it's wrong, but I wouldn't be able to bear the obvious consequences that would happen if I revealed all.

I can't make myself climb out of this rut...
Lorree, with the LYWB team
@ So confused
on Monday, December 10, 2012 at 4:07 pm
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You admit in your comments that this relationship – or at least keeping it a secret – is wrong. You admit that it is affecting your relationship with your parents and with God. Sin has a way of doing that. And as long as you choose your sin over your relationship with God, it will continue to impact not only your relationship with God, but all your relationships.

I encourage you to listen to the Lord’s prompting on your heart and turn from this sin in your life. I know that the consequences you may have to face will be difficult and seem like you can’t endure them, but the damage you are doing in your relationship with God and your relationship with your family is far worse than the consequences that may happen.

Paula lost her parent’s trust when she was younger and had to earn it back. Perhaps her testimony will encourage you in the choices you need to make (losing parents trust; earning it back).

• How I lost My Parent’s Trust http://www.liesyoungwomenbelieve.com/index.php?id=821
• How to Get Your Parent’s Trust Back http://www.liesyoungwomenbelieve.com/index.php?id=824

I’m praying for you, dear friend. I know this is hard for you. But it is always right to obey God!
Renee
But...
on Wednesday, December 12, 2012 at 11:53 am
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But are there truly any men like that?! No one's perfect....if I wait for someone like that, I'll never find anyone...
Sarah, with the LYWB team
@Renee...
on Wednesday, December 12, 2012 at 5:08 pm
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You set your goal/standard and ask God to help you find the right one for you. Yes, there are good and godly young men.

You are right; no one is perfect. But the "trajectory" of his life and the underlying characteristics of godliness and leadership and Christlikeness can be evident. By all means, refuse to accept any young man that fits the "is not" list.

Keep praying! I have prayed for you!
So confused...
What do I do now?
on Wednesday, December 19, 2012 at 10:47 am
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So.... I've er... stopped the relationship. I don't know how to tell my parents about it though... >.<
Lorree, with the LYWB team
@ So confused
on Thursday, December 20, 2012 at 1:13 pm
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Oh, dear friend, I am so proud of you. I know that this has been hard for you. But you have done the right thing! It is so important that you live honestly under your parent’s authority. I know it will be hard to tell your parents what you have done. But knowing that you have been obedient and have broken off the relationship will ease that for you.

Take a look at Paula’s blog on how to win back your parent’s trust: http://www.liesyoungwomenbelieve.com/index.php?id=824. If you don’t feel like you can speak to them about what you’ve done, you can write about it in a letter to them and then ask for an opportunity to talk with them about it at a later time.

I’m praying for your courage and also for your determination to continue to abide by your parent’s wishes. May God go before you and prepare their hearts to hear and to help you as you go forward.