The last time I posted about depression on this blog, you responded with sixty-nine comments. I take that as a sign that it’s is an issue worth discussing. Really, I didn’t need to read sixty-nine comments to know that. All I have to do is look at my own story to know that depression is real. It hurts. It’s confusing. 


Is God Dead?

Hannah Farver 04/21/10
Category: Faith ; 61 comments

The last time I posted about depression on this blog, you responded with sixty-nine comments. I take that as a sign that it’s is an issue worth discussing.

Really, I didn’t need to read sixty-nine comments to know that. All I have to do is look at my own story to know that depression is real. It hurts. It’s confusing. 

You and I aren’t the only ones who’ve experienced it. Throughout history, true believers in Christ have experienced waves of despair: 

Take, for instance, Jonathan Edwards, the young preacher who God used to stir revival in New England, who was well known to fight with depression for long periods of time. Or Martin Luther, the monk whose courage kicked off the start of the Reformation in Europe, but was sometimes so depressed he couldn’t get out of bed in the morning.

Or, maybe you’ve heard of Charles Spurgeon, who started preaching to packed houses at the age of thirteen. In his biography, John Piper wrote about Spurgeon’s “dark nights of the soul.” Yes, you got it. Even Spurgeon was a sufferer:

“It is not easy to imagine the…brilliant, full-of-energy Spurgeon weeping like a baby for no reason that he could think of. In 1858, at age 24 it happened for the first time. He said, ‘My spirits were sunken so low that I could weep by the hour like a child, and yet I knew not what I wept for.’….

He saw his depression as his ‘worst feature.’ ‘Despondency,’ he said, ‘is not a virtue; I believe it is a vice. I am heartily ashamed of myself for falling into it, but I am sure there is no remedy for it like a holy faith in God.’”

Looking at the examples of these men, we can see different methods of responding to depression. Spurgeon and Edwards both saw hopelessness as sin and tried to fight back. However, I think Martin Luther’s wife set the best example of all:

“On one particular occasion when he was greatly discouraged—which was not unusual for Luther—he was forcefully reminded of this by his wife, Katharine. Seeing him unresponsive to any word of encouragement, one morning she appeared dressed in black mourning clothes. No word of explanation was forthcoming, and so Luther, who had heard nothing of a bereavement, asked her, ‘Katharine, why are you dressed in mourning black?’
‘Someone has died,’ she replied.
‘Died?’ said Luther. ‘I have not heard of anyone dying. Whoever can have died?’
‘It seems,’ his wife replied, ‘that God must have died.’”

When we allow ourselves to feel utterly hopeless, what we’re saying to the world is that we believe God has died; we’re saying that God is incapable of saving us and that He isn’t great enough to be our joy.

So tell me, how are you living? Even if mood swings do have a hold on you—are you choosing to live like God is alive? 





HEY, GIRLS! We love hearing from you, but feel limited in the ways we can help. For one thing, we’re not trained counselors. If you’re seeking counsel, we encourage you to talk to your pastor or a godly woman in your life as they’ll know more details and can provide you with ongoing accountability and help. Also, the following comments do not necessarily reflect the views of Revive Our Hearts. We reserve the right to remove comments which might be unhelpful, unsuitable, or inappropriate.

    Brittany Lee
    on Wednesday, April 21, 2010 at 9:24 am
    Thank you Hannah! I think this is a really big issue around. I know that a lot of my friends used to struggle with this, and some still do. Some of them would isolate themselves, others would cut, and some would begin to doubt's those times that the enemy really has a pull on you because once you begin to doubt, when you begin to doubt, you get into self-deception, and then you believe the lies, half truths and false hopes of this world, and when your mind is on any impurity such as angler, bitterness or anything that consumes your thoughts and brings you down, you are discouraged. Leaving you where? It leaves you lonely, and a ineffective Christian, which is what Satan wants. Emotions play a part in this, but in many ways, depression is in the battlefield of your mind.

    I've been depressed. I went through a time where i had intrusive thoughts and where I felt like I wasn't wanted. My best friend and I stopped hanging out before that. I didn't have a lot of friends. My whole life shifted and it made me feel so alone. Sometimes I still feel alone. But you know, feelings are our biggest deceivers sometimes. When you begin to feel down, you have to identify the lie. We talked about this at youth a few weeks ago, and I found that there were so many lies I was believing that made me feel even worse than before. But I was believing the lies of this world, and I was deceiving myself. Lies that said I wasn't wanted. Lies that said I wasn't needed. Lies that told me I would never be good enough. Lies that told me I was unqualified to be all that God is calling me to do. (The truth is I am unqualified for that, thats the beauty in being complete in Christ. His power is made perfect in our weaknesses. But that's another discussion. lol.)

    I felt that my past disqualified me from the prize. All of these lies were buzzing around my head. The Casting Crowns song "The Altar and the Door" really stands out to me here. In the second verse it says:

    "Here at the altar, Lord my world's so black and white..."

    That there is very true. When your losing the battle in your mind, it is going to be very hard to see the lies you are believing out in the world. But you notice that at the altar, when your with God, you can see clearly. You can separate the lies from the truth. I found it helpful that while everything was so black and white to me that I should put it in black in white. I wrote it all down very clearly, making a list under "Lies I Am Believing" and a small list under, "Things I am doubting." And beside those I wrote, "The TRUTH I Know" Beside each lie I wrote the truth with most followed by a bible verse. God is the Father of Truth. And Satan the Father of Lies. Because God is the Father of Truth, that means his Word is truth. So I know above my feelings that what I find in God's word is true. We can't live by our feelings, but by God's truth.

    Depression is really something to deal with. I know what it's like to feel so alone and unwanted, unneeded, hurt, useless, rejected, and not wanting to get out of bed in the morning. Sometimes I'd wonder why I was even here...but there's a reason. God set me free from depression. There are times I've learned to recognize that I could slide right back into it. But depression is seeing that there is no hope. I tell you, my Hope lives and His name is Jesus. You have the greatest hope there is. He's your Father and your friend, healer, redeemer, lover of your soul. He's always there, He always listens. No matter what our feelings say, our hope endures. When you find yourself discouraged, think about that. We have HOPE. Doesn't that make you think about the other people out there who don't know Christ? Where is their hope? They have no true hope to hold onto.

    I know a lot of you have been going through times of depression or discouragement, and maybe some of you are just beginning to doubt. Identify the lies your are believing. Put them in black and white. Write out your truths. When you find yourself going back to the lies, read the truths. Believe them. Write them across your hearts. Having been in a position of discouragement or depression or doubt, you know what it looks like and feels like. Having been there, use it. Look around you. Who else is in that same position. Share your hope with them. Keep your mind on things above.

    You are NOT alone.
    You ARE wanted.
    You ARE needed.
    You ARE strong enough.
    You ARE loved.
    You CAN do what you are called to.
    You HAVE purpose.
    You HAVE hope.
    You HAVE Jesus.

    So what are you going to do about it? Don't let your feelings deceive you. When I start to feel down, I feed myself with the Word of God.

    "Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free." John 8:32.

    You need to read the Word to know the truth. The Word is life and healing, it is wisdom and it contains the truth that sets us free. This is why my hope endures. I don't have to go back. I don't deserve this, but if I did deserve God's love, it wouldn't be Grace then would it? By grace he saved us. On Calvary he died to set us free. One drop of his blood was all it took to redeem us. He rose from the grave and through that we are saved. By his sacrifice, by his blood, by his grace.

    The Word says that by his stripes we are healed. That includes depression. He can heal your mind.

    "Do not conform any longer to the patterns of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind." Romans 12:2

    Have you read how where Jesus was crucified was called Golgotha. That means "the skull." We need to crucify our minds and take on the mind of Christ.

    Having been there, and sometimes still begin to go back before I remember to set my eyes on Jesus again, I'm asking you, do you want to be free from this? Jesus can take it all, but you have to let him. I'm not saying it's always easy, but there is so much more for you out there than what you feel.

    And I realize this is really long, thank you if you've read it all! But I want to leave you with one last thought, one that's helped me to push forward in spite of how bad things may have looked:

    If you keep things in the shadows, how then can they be tested by the light of truth?
    on Wednesday, April 21, 2010 at 11:01 am
    Thanks for with wonderful post.One of my friends needs to hear this so i am going to tell her about it.

    God Bless,
    on Wednesday, April 21, 2010 at 1:15 pm
    Mine personally is not depression, but living with constant stress is almost the same thing, I dont say it aloud when I'm stressed, but what I'm believing is that God cant suffice for me, and that he isnt sovereign. because whether we like it or not he is sovereign, and he doesnt just wind us up like toys and let us go until we run out. he intervenes even today in each of our lives, whether we notice or not. and when we get depressed or stressed or anything to that degree, we are showing that we dont believe God is enough for us and that he isnt sovereign, and I know this is a very hard thing to grasp, because I still get stressed way to much, but its here to let us see what our sin is.

    and sorry if this was just rambleings to anyone, just ask me if it dont make sense
    Thank you
    on Wednesday, April 21, 2010 at 3:15 pm
    I so needed this today. Thank you.
    Emily Jo
    on Wednesday, April 21, 2010 at 7:05 pm
    I have struggled many times with depression, and I can say from experience that it is very painful! I have many friends who have also struggled with depression. But God is faithful! He will never let you down, He cares about each and every one of us, and no none ever has to go through anything like this alone. It can be so hard to believe when we're actually going though the trial, but we have to keep the faith! There is a reason why He lets us go through hard times, even though we may never know what that reason is. I was diagnosed with PMDD about eight months ago, which is a very severe form of PMS. I still battle it every few weeks, but it is easier, knowing that my Lord is right here with me! In actuality, this has drawn me closer to God, because without His everyday guidance, I find myself starting to allow the Lies to creep in, and let my guard down. God has great plans for me, so how could I ever let the One who has saved me from everything down? To be an ineffective Christian is letting the enemy win! We must "fight the good fight of faith." Matthew 10:29-31 says
    "29Are not two sparrows sold for a farthing? and one of them shall not fall on the ground without your Father.
    30But the very hairs of your head are all numbered.
    31Fear ye not therefore, ye are of more value than many sparrows. "
    It is just so comforting and wonderful to know that the Lord of the universe cares so much about each and every one of us!
    on Wednesday, April 21, 2010 at 8:06 pm
    thanks brittany, your comment is really cool. somtimes i forget how awesome it is to have hope in JESUS. great post hannah!
    on Wednesday, April 21, 2010 at 9:25 pm
    Yeah, I couldn't agree more! Everyone's so depressed these days..what they need to know is that they're actually NOT alone (and don't need to be depressed) because God is always with them! :)
    on Wednesday, April 21, 2010 at 9:26 pm
    Yeah, I couldn't agree more! Everyone's so depressed these days..what they need to know is that they're actually NOT alone (and don't need to be depressed) because God is always with them! :)
    on Thursday, April 22, 2010 at 11:43 am
    I feel a lot like you. I get stressed a lot. Too much for my own good. I'll pray for you. God bless!
    Brittany Lee
    on Thursday, April 22, 2010 at 12:46 pm
    Thank you so much for posting that.It made me want to cry, when you said you are needed and you have a purpose it really hit home for me. I have been feeling like they is no real use for me and whent into sin to cover my feelings.So thank you for taking the time and writing it all down.
    On the fence
    on Thursday, April 22, 2010 at 12:46 pm
    It seems to me that if God/Jesus really cared about his children, ESPECIALLY those trying in earnest to follow his word and be christ-like. We wouldn't have all this depression and sorrow. Even when I'm not sinning and being faithful, it doesn't lift!!
    Brittany Lee
    Re: Ellen
    on Thursday, April 22, 2010 at 12:53 pm
    Thanks Ellen! After I saw my comment posted and really saw how long it was, I questioned if people would read it! lol. It looks like a post in itself! I apologize on how long that is! Sometimes I forget how even a few words can have more of an impact...but that's what was on my heart so I wrote it! :D

    God bless you all! You are all in my prayers!
    Brittany lee
    on Thursday, April 22, 2010 at 4:01 pm
    Hey girl i just wanted to say that your post was very encouraging! I needed to hear that, I am struggling severly with depressing.. And reading that helped thanks for taking the time to write it!
    on Friday, April 23, 2010 at 2:11 pm
    I personaly have struggled with depression for along long 14 and im to the point know that im pretty much just thinking how can their be a god and him want only good fo us? when he has let all this bad stuff happen to me?? I have strugled with a eating disorder fo 3years and numerous timesi have sed god to take it and keep it but i still dont have a feels like my prayers are hitting the ceiling...
    dear josie
    on Saturday, April 24, 2010 at 1:04 am
    in my understang, Jesus says in Mark 8:34-36 that "if people want to follow him" we must give up our wants and even our LIVES. We cant live for ourselves and God at the same time. He gave up His life for us, is it to much for him to ask the same of us? Romans 8:17-18 says "if we are God's children,we will receive blessings from God together with Christ. But we must suffer as Christ suffered so that we will have glory as Christ has glory. The suffering we have now are NOTHING compared to the GREAT glory that will be shown to us." so don't you think suffering on earth is a small price to pay (although it wont feel so at the moment) for all the glory and riches we will receive?
    (you might also like to read 1Peter 3:8-17)

    How do we deal with the suffering? the proper way is to seek God for comfort so we may comfort others who are suffering as well. (as explained in 2Cor. 1:3-7)
    Also, James 5:10 tells us to "follow the examples of the prophets" for "they suffered many hard things, but they were patient".

    I hope I cleared so things up for you!
    Re: Josie
    on Saturday, April 24, 2010 at 9:06 am
    I know what you mean, but I don't think that depression always has to do with sin. Sometimes its hormonal--we just get emotional and feel down. Other times, God allows Himself to feel distant from us in order to bring our focus back to Him (help us see our need for Him). And sometimes, it is used to help us realize that we have sin we need to repent of. Either way--if God is convicting us of sin or if He's using depression for some other reason--He's good.

    When I think God is unfair, I have to continually remind myself that I don't deserve ANYTHING. He gives everything good as a gift to me--and when I don't get something I think is good, I have to remember that He knows best and is wiser than me.

    Anyways, I hope that all makes sense. :)
    Brittany Lee
    Re: Countrygirl101
    on Saturday, April 24, 2010 at 9:42 am
    Hey Countrygirl101!

    Thank you so much! Sorry your hurting and feeling depressed! I'll be praying for you! I encourage you to keep seeking God when you feel like this. Identify the lies that put you in that position and make you feel that way.

    Praying that God gives you a Spirit of wisdom and knowledge and also that he would give you a sound mind.

    Have you ever read Battlefield of the Mind by Joyce Meyer? That might be a good book for you to read. They have one out for teens too which I would suggest. Aside from that, dig into the Word of God. It's life and healing and it is powerful! When you start to see the truth, the lies fall away. Don't let yourself be deceived by the lies the devil is throwing at you. You need to pick up your shield of faith. And the helmet of salvation.

    Prayers to you always!
    Brittany Lee
    on Saturday, April 24, 2010 at 10:04 am
    Hey Ashley!

    Sorry to hear you're struggling with being needed and with your purpose. Really that's about perception. I've been there too. And there were a few times where I was getting ready to walk away (in this case with my youth group because I didn't feel like I belonged there, and I didn't feel needed there. Everyone was good friends with everyone else there...except me it seemed.)

    The truth is though, no matter how things appear, this is how a lot of people feel. Even the people you are around.

    You ARE needed. God has a purpose for you being here. All of us have a purpose, and God has plans for each and every one of us. When you feel like you aren't needed, look for a need and do something about it. It could be something as simple as helping clean up at church, or seeing something that needs done at home and doing it without being told to. When you see a need, consider it your opportunity to do something. This really is a blessing to the people around you. There is so much that you can do, you can't wait around for people to "need" you, because the truth is, you need to see the need first. I pray that God will give you his eyes to see a need, and that others would be more sensitive to yours.

    As for purpose, our purpose is to glorify God in everything that we do. Our thoughts, actions, speech and motives - everything should be done to glorify Him.

    I know it's a common verse that a lot of people know, but I want you to keep it with you anyways:

    Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you' declares the Lord, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you. To give you a future and a hope."

    God has plans for you. Believe it.

    That and this one as well:

    Proverbs 4:25-27 "Let your eyes look straight ahead, fix your gaze directly before you. Make level paths for your feet and take only ways that are firm. Do not swerve to the right or left; keep your foot from evil."

    You said that you went into sin to cover your feelings, but you need to repent and then get back to walking in God. I know you most likely know this. But it's also explaining why this verse is in here. And as for feelings, like I said, they are the biggest deceivers that we have. Yet we let them lead us on some of the biggest decisions that we have to make!

    "You did not choose Me, but I chose you, and appointed you that you would go and bear fruit, and that your fruit would remain, so that whatever you ask of the Father in My name He may give to you." John 15:16

    How about that Ash? God CHOSE you. What could be better? The king of all kings. The Lord of all Lords. The one who placed and counted the stars and knows them all by name. The creator of all the universe, he CHOSE YOU. God has plans for you! Just walk in Him.

    Praying for you! Remember, don't wait to be needed, look for the need. Because you are needed. And you do have a purpose and it was given to you by God. Seek Him and he will show you.

    In Jeremiah He tells us, "You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all of your heart..."

    You are most welcome! I love to write, and whenever is something is really on my turns into what you saw as my first comment. lol.

    God bless! Prayers to you! <3
    Brittany Lee
    on Saturday, April 24, 2010 at 11:53 am
    Thank you so much for what you said! Very encouraging :)
    Much needed prayer
    on Saturday, April 24, 2010 at 2:30 pm
    Hey girls I would like to ask all of you to please please pray.
    Me and some of my freinds where just riding horses, we do trail rides for other peopel and we where just riding them home, and we started running up a hill and a freind of mine She's 16 she fell off and hit her head/back she passed our for a few minuets and the horse steped on he rhsoulder, We live a hour from the neearest town so it took the ambluance a while to get her but they just picked her up about 30 min ago, There not sure whats wrong with her yet but she started respinding some after a little bit but she didnt knwo how old she was,, so idk please pray that she will be ok.. Love ya and thanks!
    Hannah Farver
    to Danielle
    on Saturday, April 24, 2010 at 5:15 pm

    I feel for you and I've been there. Those aren't easy questions and they don't have easy answers. I want to encourage you with a couple of thoughts...

    First, you mentioned questioning the goodness of God. It's easy to feel like God is "after us" or that He's chasing us with guilt and puts bad things in our lives because He enjoys pain. None of those ideas are true. If you've turned away from sin and believe that Jesus died to save you, then He's covered you. Jesus has taken the punishment you deserve from God, and experienced it so you wouldn't have to. Even though, when bad things happen, we may doubt God's goodness and wonder if He's punishing us, He's not. The truth is, He loves you so much that He chose to place that punishment on His Son instead of on you.

    At the same time, we're told in the Bible that we'll experience suffering in our lives. We live in a world that is broken and needs Jesus, so our lives aren't going to be perfect until we get to heaven. But that info doesn't comfort much when you're in the middle of an eating disorder, does it? You said that you've tried offering up your pain to God, but He hasn't taken it away yet.

    So here's a suggestion--instead of asking God to take away the eating disorder, ask Him to take away those thoughts and *replace* those thoughts with Him. We know that eating disorders are obsessions; ask God to become your obsession instead. Then, try to fill your mind with the Bible and worship songs as much as possible--especially when it hurts the most, like when you doubt God or when lies start talking and telling you not to eat. For me, when I'm wrestling with something, it usually has to do with not thinking about God enough, and becoming caught up in my own problems.

    Now, I know we can't read our Bibles all day long (but we can read them *more!*) and that's not what we're supposed to do. We're also supposed to make friends with other people who really love Jesus, since they can help us draw closer to Him and lift us up.

    This is turning into a crazy long comment, but I wanted to let you know that I'm praying for you. Wish I could give you a hug and let you know it's going to be okay...and tell you, Danielle, that you are precious to God. He hasn't forgotten about you for one moment. He hasn't abandoned you. It says in Isaiah 49:16 that your name is written in on His hands. He knows your pain, and even though it might seem impossible right now, He can change your doubts into faith and make this hard time work out for your good.

    Last Edit: on Saturday, April 24, 2010 at 5:16pm by hfarver  
    Brittany Lee
    on Saturday, April 24, 2010 at 5:59 pm
    Thanks for the Prayers!! God knows I could use them lol... I must admitt that I really am struggling but I was jsut having bad days but I am starting to have more and mroe good days agian and it feels good to beable to really smile again.. Yes I still hurt worse than I ever have before but there is sooo much worse things going on right now I mean I am healthy i can walk run swim I have allot to be greatfull for It's jsut hard sometimes to see anuthing but the bad... No i havent read that book I might look for it next time I am in town!! love ya
    on Sunday, April 25, 2010 at 8:23 am
    thank you soooo much for writing this!!!!! I have been pretty depressed for quite a while a i feel like it has been pulling me away from god big time. but u always need to remember that even when you feel like giving up and even when your depressed you always need to thank god and praise him. he is amazing and he has a reason for everything. depression is from satan, not from god so that alone just tells you that with god by your side, you will always be able to get through anything.
    Brittany Lee
    on Sunday, April 25, 2010 at 5:11 pm
    You are most welcome, my friend. :)

    Yes, God knows exactly what you need. "Seek first His kingdom...."

    Glad to hear you're having more good days. I know it's not always going to be easy. Jesus is your Joy, sweet! Joy isn't an emotion, it's like a state of being. You can be joyful even when you're sad. Too often people mix up joy with happiness. But be joyful! The Joy of the Lord is your strength! :)

    Yes, see you have a lot to be grateful for! Count your blessings, and next time something bad comes, remember everything that God has blessed you with!

    It is a good book! :) That and the Three Battlegrounds...both really good books.

    Still praying for you girl! God bless!

    Brittany Lee
    on Monday, April 26, 2010 at 7:10 pm
    Hi Brittany Lee!
    Thank you for what you said. It means alot to me,right now i'm in a battle with sin and feeling kinda low, so what you said really hit home. :) I have been posting back and forth with Erin in, Giving teeth to true women. Some days you just feel down like why am i here? Or why cant i look like other girls who look so pretty? But God still loves me and i just have to see it! Thanks again for taking your time!
    Have a really good day!
    Ashley :)

    ps..... This might sounnd really dum,but Erin told me that i should tell my mom about a sin i have. How would you tell some one you care about a sin you have?? Thanks for any idea's!!!!!
    on Tuesday, April 27, 2010 at 2:35 pm
    Dear sisters in Christ,
    I recently had victory over a big area the enemy had been using in my life.
    The next day, yesterday, I got this sudden and random thought that it could be my last day. I was shaken by that, but not to despair. By the end of the night, I was in deep depression, and waves of despair overcame me as I believe the enemy tried to tell me God was praparing me for an early death and that that was the purpose God saved me 8 months for, and I felt no hope of a life lived for Chirst or future. I have surrended death to Jesus, knowing His perfect time is indeed perfect. But I can't help but continue to struggle that I WANT to live. I have heard that most people would die for Christ, but I would live for Him, taking the sufferings and pain of this world to further His kingdom and serve Him. Please, I continue to struggle, so please does anyone have scripture or words of godly wisdom and love to give? I know God is in control, but when you think He's about to take your life it's kind of really scary:(
    Brittany Lee
    Re: Ashley
    on Tuesday, April 27, 2010 at 3:56 pm
    Hey Ash!

    It's no problem at all. :) I completely understand! Some days I still feel low, but I am sure to get right back up again...sometimes in what people would see in unconventional ways. lol. Like sometimes I don't feel as pretty as some of my friends...but when I do get like that, I remember that God made me, and if I'm all about wanting to change my appearance, or that I say I want to look prettier, I'm saying that God did a bad job, and he didn't! So what I do actually is compliment my friend or someone else on how good they look! It's hard to remember, but a majority of girls are insecure about something about their appearance. But yea, that's what I do! lol. :)

    As far as the sin goes, the Bible does say "confess your sins to one another..." I really think they you will find healing in that. I know with my mom it's hard for me to tell her when I have just because I want her to be proud of me, of the good I've done, not the bad. I don't like to make cases for me to be wrong at any time. I want to be a daughter my mom can be proud of. Sometimes that's hard. I had a sin in my life that was consuming me, and really I found it wasn't my action that was the sin, but the deceit involved in hiding what was done...I still struggle with it sometimes. And what happened was I went to a few women in the church that I'm really close to, and I told them about it, and I felt such a release there. They all encouraged me to tell my mom because there is healing in it, and I talked with Dannah about it as well, and she said the same thing...well, in the end, that's not how it played out.

    What happened was a big long story that got me into some trouble, and a woman in the church that I told about this, told my mom because she was concerned for me...she had right grounds to do that's how my mom found out, and she was upset because I didn't come to her in the first place.

    I've talked to my mom about this since then, and hiding it isn't good. It is better that she hears it straight from you and not from someone else, or not find out some other way. The best way is straight out. Get alone with her, and just tell her straight out. Talking about it is the most effective way. It's really not that scary.

    Another way that might help is if you write a letter and then sit down with your mom as she reads it. Just get it out in the open. I can promise that you will find healing in it.

    Proud of you for choosing to move forward and talk about this!

    Praying for you!

    ~Brittany Lee

    P.S. Taking the time? Sweet, I'm one of you. The time I take on here is very meaningful. I know because when someone takes time for me, it makes so much a difference. If I can do the same for even just one person, then I know God has a use for me in that. Be blessed! <3
    Brittany Lee
    on Wednesday, April 28, 2010 at 9:03 pm
    I just love your posting it makes my day!
    So i told my mom. I'm happy i did,But it hurt really bad to see her heart break. I know what you mean when you said you want your mom to be proud of you and you just don't want to say but you know you should. I just pray i dont make any more mistakes like the one i was in. My borther went off the deep end and i told myself i would never do that to mom i would never make her cry. So now i just feel bad. I'm glad i told her before she found out by some one else. I only told one person becouse i was scared. The thing that hurt the most was my mom was like,"you could have died doing that ashley". At the time i did not care,but seeing that my mom was so hurt made me think. idk? I just hope my mom knows that she did raise us right and its now her. I made the stupid mistake. And i'm going to try hard never to do it again.
    on Thursday, April 29, 2010 at 9:33 pm
    sometimes it does feel like God is dead especially when things go wrong which is like all the time, but i no He's always there and i wouldnt be where i am now without His help.
    Brittany Lee
    on Friday, April 30, 2010 at 12:11 pm
    To be honest, your posting makes my day too. lol. I love talking to you girls!

    So proud of you that you told your mom! I totally understand what you're saying, and I understand how your mom feels too. Thats so much of why it took so long for my mom to hear because I knew how she would brother too went off the deep end although in a different sense. But he used to cause so much heartbreak within the family, especially with my parents that I never wanted to be like that. I'm actually considered the "easy" child because I don't really put up a fuss with much and I'm really easy-going...but all that aside I was hiding a lot... so it feels really good to have that out in the open again! If you keep things in darkness, how then can they be tested by the light of truth? and how then can you be healed?

    Proud of you for moving forward! You doing that is proof that your mom did raise you right. :) Keep moving forward and growing in God. Love ya! and praying for you still! <3
    Brittany Lee
    on Friday, April 30, 2010 at 5:35 pm
    Hi Brittany!!!!
    Your so cool! I hope your day is going well.
    Its kinda funny becaus at first my mom was like "really". I dont think she would ever have thought i would have done something so stupid. :) I am glad though to have it in the open. You know its hard when your brother goes off the path and then you need to show your younger brothers the "right" way. My mom is not sharing it with them so i'm glad. Thanks for being their for me. God bless you!!!!!! And is there anything that i can pray about for you???
    Love in Christ,
    Brittany Lee
    Re: Ashley
    on Sunday, May 2, 2010 at 6:59 pm
    Hey Ash!! :D (I'm really loving talking to you on here!)

    Awh, thanks! You're pretty awesome yourself! My day was AMAZING! There's just something awesome about having your life totally surrendered to God that really makes every situation, no matter how good or bad just awesome! Today I played in the worship band at church and my lil brother did the lead guitar! And then I did my worship dance solo for national fine arts! And then my dance teacher asked me to join with her pro worship dance team for a dance that we will do on Thursday...that I just learned today (YIKES!) And I'm so excited and honored to be asked to do that! So I spent the day with her and her son and two daughters and the dance team...and okay, I love that family! LOVE LOVE LOVE that family! haha. Then came home to see my cousins before they went back home...they're from out of town so I don't see them often. But yes, I had the most amazing day!

    I just have this amazing peace only to come from God about me. And that's something I got when I surrendered everything...the dark corners of my soul...the secrets...the hurts. It's amazing what can happen when you bring things to the light. Summed up, Jesus is AMAZING!

    Awh I understand that. That's great that you told her. And I bet that feels so much better for you as well! You're most welcome! I'll be around, so if you ever need anything, prayer or anything else, let me know. :) I'll be here for ya!

    Hrm...prayers for me? Hrm...just that God's will be made known in my life and that I never forget what sweet surrender is! Thanks so much!

    How about you? How can I pray for you, sweet?

    Love ya!

    Brittany Lee <3
    Brittany Lee
    on Monday, May 3, 2010 at 3:14 pm
    I'm so glad you had a good day!! I'm Really having a awesome day myself. my aunt decided for my birthday to take me to KY!!! I'm having a blast and to ride a air plane was neat. I think we are going back to WI in a two days so i'm having a wonderful time!!! God works wonders doesnt he???!!!!!!! I gave it up to him and now he is blessing me. We serve a wonderful God!!!!! I'll pray that your dance on thursday goes well!! Have fun! :) Praying for you allways girl! I wish you and me one day could be friends and just talk and talk. LOL. I think we both would have alot in commen. :)
    Praying for you allways!
    Love you girl friend~
    ~ Ashley
    Brittany Lee
    Re: Ashley
    on Tuesday, May 4, 2010 at 8:33 am
    Thanks so much! Ahhh this is an amazing week so far and only getting better! <3

    So glad everything is going so well for you! Hey so you're in KY now? If so if you're anywhere near London Kentucky you should check out Grace Fellowship Church - They got Youth tonight "The Awakening" A friend of mine is the youth pastor/ministry intern there. But I hear it's awesome there! Come to think of it...I think tonight is fiesta night there! haha. If you're interested the church site is They also have Wed. Night service tomorrow (wed) night at 7 for all classes. :)

    So glad you're having a good week! That does sound awesome! be sure to tell me all about it! :D

    God does work wonders! Every morning I've woken up singing, "Lord I'm amazed my you..." haha. Now mind you my voice is only for God cause i'm certain that as he created my voice, he's the only one who will enjoy listening to it...:P I can't carry a tune in a bucket! haha. But my dance is my song!

    I pray that God will continually bless you! But no matter what the situation, God is good -- All the time! <3

    Thank you! I can't wait for thursday...actually I can...I need to re-learn that really fast part in the dance haha. It's so hard! I'm still sore from it! We're doing a song called...I think it's called "Dry Bones" it's based on Ezekiel 37 - the valley of dry bones! Love that passage! I'm getting chills just talking about it!

    Thanks so much! I'm praying for you too!

    I was just thinking the same thing! I'd love to really get to talk to you someday or meet up. I think we would have a lot in common! :D Love talking to you! Keep in touch! Have a blast on your trip and


    Luv ya!

    Brittany Lee
    Brittany Lee
    on Tuesday, May 4, 2010 at 3:02 pm
    Hey girl!
    I'm so happy for you i am praying that you would be able to remember it,(but i know you will!!!!!!!) :) I bet your sooo good. Have fun!!!!!
    I would love to see the church,but tonight is our last night then i'm heading home. :( i love being here, but home is allways better. I'll tell you more about my trip when i get home. Right now my aunt is sleeping and she'll be up soon. :) lol.
    Have a blast on thursday! And please pray for my flight home. (What state do u live in if u don't mind me asking?)
    I do love how polite the boys are down here. :) My aunt keeps trying to point them out to me because i was about to get marryed to this guy and then it all whent south. so now she likes "oh look at him he looks cute" lol but my problem is i'm not that :)
    Well i have to go!!!! Love ya girl!
    Brittany Lee
    Re: Ashley
    on Tuesday, May 4, 2010 at 8:24 pm
    Hey!! :D
    Thanks! And thank you so much for the prayers! I just went over the dance again tonight. It's so fast and confusing! I'm used to ballet types...nice and slow and intentional...and in one practice switch to hip hop and street...haha. It's crazy fast but so powerful and I love the dance! Ultimately, God will be glorified. (And that's where I'm so thankful that it's about the heart and not about how you dance. :D ) Any good is God in me!

    Awh, that's too bad. But yeah, I understand. I can't wait to hear about your trip!

    You bet I'll have a blast on Thursday! :D I've been waiting for this opportunity for...ehh four years now. God is faithful!

    Praying that you have a safe flight and that God sends his angels with you! :) I live in PA. In the most beautiful city there is there! :D haha. Of course...I may be a bit biased... :D

    Awww, sorry to hear that. I know how that's happened to a few of my friends. It's so hard to watch, and every time I wish I could just carry that hurt for them, but I can't do that. God alone can heal that. friend wants to marry a she's going to KY to find one. Good to hear they're so polite. haha.

    God has someone for ya. Just keep your focus on God and He will take care of the rest. :)

    You're not cute??? Ummm I have a hard time believing that. I bet you're gorgeous. I've yet to see God mess up. In fact it's impossible for him to mess up, so yup, you're gorgeous! :)

    Have a safe trip! Will deff talk to you soon! :)

    Luv ya!

    Brittany Lee
    on Thursday, May 6, 2010 at 1:15 am
    Hey Girl I'm home!!!!!!!!
    I love KY! But when i got home all my brothers were giving me hugs and stuff.:)
    I love Wisconsin. And Yes PA. is nice too. :)
    Tell your friend that Ky is the best place to go for a I did love my time there and God is so good. We were told by everyone there that is was to rain our whole trip. But God held it off allmost the whole time! It was sunny all but one day. And my aunt was so nice to me it was amazing. :) I feel like a kid again, i got to sit in the cotpit with the pilot!! I want to save up money to go on another plane ride. To> !!!!
    By the time i save up i'll be to old to fly. :)lol.
    That was so sweet about what you said, Your gorgeous. lol. Well maybe,But i dont know. Ever since he left me i kinda feel a little down, but i know its the devil. The thing is i new this guy for most of my life. Well you dont want to know my whole Once i get talking i cant stop,and your just so nice and easy to talk too.
    I'm praying for your dance! Tell me how it goes!!! And don't forget, HAVE FUN!!!!
    Love ya and talk to you soon!!!!!
    PS I'm eighteen, how old are you?

    PSS. I'm so happy for you for your dance on thursday! Cant wait to hear how it goes~
    Brittany Lee
    on Thursday, May 6, 2010 at 1:15 am
    Hey Girl I'm home!!!!!!!!
    I love KY! But when i got home all my brothers were giving me hugs and stuff.:)
    I love Wisconsin. And Yes PA. is nice too. :)
    Tell your friend that Ky is the best place to go for a I did love my time there and God is so good. We were told by everyone there that is was to rain our whole trip. But God held it off allmost the whole time! It was sunny all but one day. And my aunt was so nice to me it was amazing. :) I feel like a kid again, i got to sit in the cotpit with the pilot!! I want to save up money to go on another plane ride. To> !!!!
    By the time i save up i'll be to old to fly. :)lol.
    That was so sweet about what you said, Your gorgeous. lol. Well maybe,But i dont know. Ever since he left me i kinda feel a little down, but i know its the devil. The thing is i new this guy for most of my life. Well you dont want to know my whole Once i get talking i cant stop,and your just so nice and easy to talk too.
    I'm praying for your dance! Tell me how it goes!!! And don't forget, HAVE FUN!!!!
    Love ya and talk to you soon!!!!!
    PS I'm eighteen, how old are you?

    PSS. I'm so happy for you for your dance on thursday! Cant wait to hear how it goes~
    Brittany Lee
    Re: Ashley
    on Thursday, May 6, 2010 at 11:03 pm
    Hey girl!! Good to hear your home! Was praying your trip would be safe! :D

    That's sweet! Allright! Comin to PA?? hahaha. That'd be awesome! Make sure you hit the best city there aka -- MY CITY! :D

    Sounds like your trip was amazing! That's so good for you! I'm happy for you there! Glad you enjoyed your trip! Yes! God is good!!

    lol. It's all kewl to feel like a kid again! you deserve it! Take the time once in a while...I've kinda need to. You got to sit in the cockpit with the pilot?? Awesome!!

    Honey, I'll be sweet, but my statement is truth. You are gorgeous, you just need to see the beauty in yourself, an not let what others would say about you define whether you know or feel that or not. Understand what I'm saying? Don't let that devil get in and convince you otherwise. God doesn't make mistakes. Look around you. He makes everything beautiful...

    LOL. You don't have to stop. I'm here to listen. :)

    Thanks so much! Dance went awesome!! I can't believe it went so well, even when I only had one practice! It was amazing! I love dancing with them! I can't wait for anothe chance to do that again! :D Thanks so much for prayers!!

    Luv ya too! And will def talk to you soon!!!

    P.S. I'm 18 too! :D

    P.S.S. Thanks! It was awesome! God's anointing was def on that ministry! Did Valley of Dry Bones and Shakeloose! I wish I could show you! It was amazing!!!
    Erin Davis
    Ashley and Brittany Lee
    on Thursday, May 6, 2010 at 11:45 pm
    Hey Girls! So glad you're on our blog. I just wanted to remind you that our guidelines require that you avoid sharing personal information. It's great that you are becoming friends through this blog and want to share information about yourselves, but sharing where you live can be dangerous as we have no way of monitoring who is watching your comments. Please avoid sharing this information in the future or we won't be able to post your comments.


    Brittany Lee
    Re: Erin
    on Friday, May 7, 2010 at 9:12 am
    Will do Erin! I was thinking about that...Is it okay to share blogs or is that not allowed either? Just wondering...Thank you!


    on Friday, May 7, 2010 at 12:52 pm
    I'm so sorry! Please forgive me. I just love talking to her and forgot. Is it okay if we still talk and just be more carefull? And i'm also sorry brittany it is my fault i asked you the ?????? So please forgive me.
    Glad to hear your dance went well!
    Erin Davis
    Brittany Lee
    on Friday, May 7, 2010 at 4:16 pm
    It is fine to put your blog address in a comment. I will check out the blog and make sure the content is okay and no personal information is shared and then will make a decision about whether or not to allow it to be seen.

    Make sense?

    Erin Davis
    on Friday, May 7, 2010 at 4:18 pm
    Sure, keep talking! Just don't share your personal information (specifically location).


    Erin and Brittany Lee
    on Friday, May 7, 2010 at 4:34 pm
    hi girls i might sound out of place for this (i had a long day) :) But would it be okay if i put my email in a post and you Did not post it and brittany put hers on a post and dont put it on, then maybe you Erin could send her mine and brittany if you want you could just email me.??? Does that make sense?? That way both of our post dont get posted just erin would see the post. and send you my email. IDK. lol. Please yell at me if i'm wong i dont mean to do anything i'm not sopose to. Or we could just keep talking on here. :) i had a long day so sorry if i sound out of place. And brittany you have to tell me more about how your dance went! :) love ya girl~Ashley
    on Friday, May 7, 2010 at 11:51 pm
    Hi Erin. I took a very long nap :) And i'm feeling better. I had a really bad headache but i think what i asked you was out of line???? I just had the idea and thought i would ask. Thanks for taking the time! ~Ashley.
    Brittany Lee
    Re: Erin
    on Saturday, May 8, 2010 at 12:49 pm
    Okay, sounds good! Thanks Erin! Sorry for the trouble! - SPREAD THE FIRE - Light Up the World
    Brittany Lee
    Re: Ashley
    on Saturday, May 8, 2010 at 1:02 pm
    Hey Ash! It's all good. :) Don't worry about it! And thanks! yes it did. It was amazing! And people after were telling us how they were spiritually set free from strongholds that bound them, and one lady who hasn't been able to stand in 2 years as the song got to "Rise..."

    (here I'll explain what we're doing so u get what I'm saying) As this song was for the valley of dry bones, we have 4-5 ppl "dead" on the ground and then we have another guy going through as ezekiel who is prophecing to the bones, and a girl in white dance skirt doing the holy spirit part....which is basically dancing over the "dry bones," At one point the song starts going "Rise....rise" and it does that 7 times before the army of dry bones rises up - the nation of israel...but "ezekiel" and "holy spirit" and 2 other dancers who are warriors, make motions to look as though they are pulling us off the ground by an invisible force...those of us on the ground are very limp and pulling ourselves up from center until breath enters us...basically is how it goes...I really hope this makes sense to at that point in the song as she was watching us, she stood up! It was so cool!! God is good!

    How have you been? :)
    Erin Davis
    on Saturday, May 8, 2010 at 9:47 pm
    Sorry, no can do. You will just have to keep talking on the blog and keep your personal information limited. This is for your own protection.

    on Sunday, May 9, 2010 at 8:09 pm
    Thanks Erin sounds good.
    Have a good day!!!!!
    love in Christ~Ashley
    Brittany Lee
    on Sunday, May 9, 2010 at 8:21 pm
    Hi brittany!!!
    That sounds amazing! I'm so glad you had such a good time. God does work wonders!!!
    I'm doing pretty good. Feeling the devil's pull a bit, but God is good and i just have to trust in Him. :)
    I was so happy yesterday. I asked my big brother to take me to the store to get a gift for my mom and i thought he would say he was busy or somethng but he did not! And he even let me drive his mustang. :) He never lets anybody do that.! It felt so good to do somethng with him it just made my day! When i got home i asked my mom if she told him to let me drive and she was like no i didn't even know you guys were leaving. So in short.:)LOL. I got my mom a mothers day gift and i a wonderful time doing it!
    So how is your weekend going?!
    Love ya girl! ~Ashley
    Brittany Lee
    Re: Erin
    on Sunday, May 9, 2010 at 9:40 pm
    is my blog approved to post?
    Brittany Lee
    on Monday, May 10, 2010 at 7:55 pm
    Hi Brittany! I went to your blog, can i talk to you on there???? Dont know. lol
    Talk to you soon! Love ya,~Ashley
    Brittany Lee
    Re: Ashley
    on Tuesday, May 11, 2010 at 8:03 am
    it was amazing!! Thanks! And yes, God does work wonders! Don't give in to the devil! You known you're destined for something great when the devil keeps trying to pull you in and mess you up. Just stay strong girl! Praying for you!
    Awh! That's so sweet! And okay...jealous much! I LOVE mustangs!!! My favorite one is a '66! :D lol. yeah, I'm old school there. lol.

    Glad you had such a great time!

    My weekend was really long, but totally amazing!! Friday my youth group did an anti-prom! :D lol. So we all got dressed up as if we were going to prom and went to the overlook to get pictures and then out to dinner...and of course to really make it a night, we brought a change of clothes and went to play laser tag! lol. Oh yes! And dancing in the parking lot there! :D And so we were out all night then....and Mother's day was great! And then Yesterday was my brother's college graduation! So proud of him! I had a great last....well...week really! God is good no matter what!

    Thank you, and yes you can talk to me on there. lol. :)

    Luv ya! ttys!

    ~Brittany Lee
    Brittany Lee
    on Tuesday, May 11, 2010 at 1:24 pm
    hi bittany. please pray for me ,something has happend that really hurt and i need the Good Lord to work it out and i know that he will,but its hard to see. I cryed so hard last nigth please just pray and i will talk more later. Thanks so much. love ya,! ~ashley
    ps. how are you?
    Brittany Lee
    Re: Ashley
    on Tuesday, May 11, 2010 at 4:24 pm
    Hey Ash! Praying for you girl! I don't know what's going on (although I have a slight guess, tho I could be wrong) but know I'm praying for you and that I'm here whenever you need me.

    Prayers and blessings to ya girl! Luv ya!

    ~Brittany Lee

    P.S. I'm doing great. Just getting ready to ship off to dance! I need a good dance out! <3
    on Tuesday, May 11, 2010 at 6:34 pm
    i just feel like my mom nor GOD loves me. Also can u guys pray 4 me cuz I lost mme cell phone
    Brittany Lee
    Re: cmcjb4lova
    on Wednesday, May 12, 2010 at 8:51 am
    Hey girl! Praying for you!

    And hey, you are loved. God IS love. He has loved you with an everlasting love, and that cannot be taken away. You know he went to Calvary for you. He let them crucify him for you.

    In John it says that there is none greater than He who lays down his life for his friends. Well, it says in the Word that you are a friend of God, and Jesus laid down his life for you -- because he loves you.

    I know it's hard...I went through a time when I felt like that too...but what I found was that in order to really feel the love, you have to be the love. If you accepted Christ he is in you, his love lives in you. You will really feel the Love of God, when you begin to show his love to others. :)

    As for your mom, if you're really feeling that way, you should talk to her. The 5 love languages is a good book here I think...because we all have a different way that we feel loved in...maybe she's just showing it to you in a different way than you ideally receive. :)

    Prayers to you! Luv ya girl!
    on Thursday, May 13, 2010 at 7:44 pm
    oh girl, I feel for you, I read your post and i just had to respond!! I know how you feel!! I mean it i was there like two weeks ago and I had been there for a long time.,. ever since my bf dumped me I felt horible unloved and like noone could ever love me... I mean how could they i couldent stand myself how could I expect anyone else to like me?? I but girl I wish you could see God loves you sooo much and he cares for you soo much he knows the number of hairs on you head!! He loves you so much the bible says he knows everytime a sparrow falls how much more does he care about you??? We are made in HIS image that is amazing he loves us soo much I wish you could understand this i wish i could be there and give you a hug and tell you just how much God cares and how he changed my life!! IT's amazing I have experianced a miricle in my life ad you can experiance it too! please dont fell like you you are not loved you are!! God loves you and so do I and Erin and everyone else on this blog!! Please please dont give up hope!! I will be praying fo you !!
    on Thursday, May 13, 2010 at 11:53 pm
    I suffered from depression a few years back. It was terrible. I was so bad, I was close to commiting suicide.I felt as if no one loved me. Their was a song that got me through it though. Actually two songs.

    One, was Me and Jesus- by Stellar Kart.
    some of the lyrics are:
    Someone loves you even when you don't think so don't you know you got
    Me and Jesus by your side through the fight you will never be alone on your own you got me and Jesus

    That's just the chorus. i listened to it everyday. it's what kept my heart beating. because no matter what i knew i would never be alone. and that jesus loves me.

    Song number 2: Stand in the rain by Superchick
    She never slows down.
    She doesn't know why but she knows that when she's all alone, feels like its all coming down
    She won't turn around
    The shadows are long and she fears if she cries that first tear, the tears will not stop raining down

    So stand in the rain
    Stand your ground
    Stand up when it's all crashing down
    You stand through the pain
    You won't drown
    And one day, whats lost can be found
    You stand in the rain

    She won't make a sound
    Alone in this fight with herself and the fears whispering if she stands she'll fall down
    She wants to be found
    The only way out is through everything she's running from wants to give up and lie down.
    That song, just reminded me that i was gonna make it through to the end if i just stayed strong.

    Theirs also one quote that helped me out a lot.

    "In the end it'll be okay. So, if it's not okay, then it's not the end."

    That just told me, that when i'm hurt inside and sad.. that it's not over yet. because in the end everything will be okay.

    Hope I helped someone. What do you guys think of those songs and quote?
    Brittany Lee
    on Friday, May 14, 2010 at 1:59 pm
    I love the song "Stand in the Rain" that helped me so much before!

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