Most girls wrestle with self-criticism. We tend to be our own worst enemies and harshest critics. But dwelling on negative thoughts about ourselves puts us on a dangerous path. When we fail to see our own value and when we subject ourselves to a constant bombardment of negative thoughts and criticisms, it willimpact our choices and relationships"/>

Ending the Cycle of Self-criticism

posted by Erin Davis on 05/17/10 | Twitter: @ErinGraffiti
Category: Myself; ; 39 comments

“You are such a loser.”

“ You are so ugly”

“ You just made a huge mistake! Why can’t you get anything right?”

“ Every other girl at school is so much prettier than you. You will never be able to look like they do.”

“ You will never be able to achieve your goals.” 

Has anyone ever said these things to you? I hope not. Have you ever said them to yourself? Probably so. 

Most girls wrestle with self-criticism. We tend to be our own worst enemies and harshest critics. But dwelling on negative thoughts about ourselves puts us on a dangerous path. When we fail to see our own value and when we subject ourselves to a constant bombardment of negative thoughts and criticisms, it will impact our choices and relationships. 

I distinctly remember feeling like I had to talk bad about myself as a young woman in order to fit in. I would say things like “I’m so fat” or “I’m so stupid” around my friends even though I knew those things weren’t true. Have you ever done that?

There seems to be an unspoken expectation among young women to be self-critical. The idea is that hating our bodies, our abilities, and our beauty is just part of being a girl. But there is danger in that line of thinking. The Truth is, what we say matters. What we think matters too. This is especially true when it comes to how we see ourselves. 

Here’s proof.

2 Corinthians 10:5b says,  “Take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.”

Ephesians 4:29 says, “Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.”

These verses give us a blueprint for how we are to think and speak. It’s not wise to let critical thoughts run wild. It is also true that when we constantly talk bad about ourselves (or others) it does little to benefit the speaker or the listener. 

Even so, self-criticism can be a hard habit to break. Here are some tips for how to begin to see yourself the way God sees you.

1. Do your homework

God’s Word has so much to say about your beauty and value. But, don’t take my word for it. Do some digging on your own. Find Scriptures that specifically address your value to God. He has so much to say about you, you wont’ have to search for long. 

2. Memorize Scripture

Memorize several key verses that remind you of your value to God. Then, when the urge to think or speak negatively about yourself creeps up, recite these verses over and over in your mind (or out loud). 

Here are a few of my favs:

“ I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well” (Psalm 139:14). 

“ The King is enthralled by your beauty. Honor him for he is the Lord” (Psalm 45:11).

“How great is the love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are” (1 John 3:1). 

3. Make confidence cool

Have a chat with your friends. Let them know that you’re trying to stop the cycle of self-criticism in your own life and ask them to join you. Make a pact to hold each other accountable when one of you starts being hard on yourself. 

4. Ask for a new view

Actively pray for God to give you a new perspective. Ask Him to show you how He sees you and to teach you how to see yourself in the same way. 

Here’s the bottom line: you are the carefully crafted creation of a loving God. You may not look perfect, act perfect, or achieve everything you set out to do, but that doesn’t change how He feels about you. Honor Him by thinking and speaking highly of His creation. What a difference it will make! 

Comments

HEY, GIRLS! We love hearing from you, but feel limited in the ways we can help. For one thing, we’re not trained counselors. If you’re seeking counsel, we encourage you to talk to your pastor or a godly woman in your life as they’ll know more details and can provide you with ongoing accountability and help. Also, the following comments do not necessarily reflect the views of Revive Our Hearts. We reserve the right to remove comments which might be unhelpful, unsuitable, or inappropriate.

    Alyson
    I agree!
    on Monday, May 17, 2010 at 6:24 am
    I know that i suffer from this a lot! Everyday i'll stand in front of a mirror and criticize myself, but i can see that it's not what He wants us to do, but to glorify Him with our bodies and lives. Reading this was really a breath of fresh air. It really helped! Thanks!
    countrygirl
    Re:
    on Monday, May 17, 2010 at 9:50 am
    ouch!!!! yep that is def me.. I have struggled with this for a long time It's the root of the reason why I cut and was bulimic/annerexic I was punishing myself for not being good enough, pretty enough all of that I thought i waas completly worthless.. Btu I tlked to my teen leader and He gave me verses and I have been studying my bible and tlking to my freinds and memorizing!! but still I am having such problems getting over my thoughts and I have been having dreams as well and I feel like I am try8ng soo ohard to do right but then I dream anout it and find myslef thinking about it!! prayer would be appreciated!! thanks erin for all you do Love all ya'll
    Meg
    Yikes!
    on Monday, May 17, 2010 at 1:47 pm
    This is so me.:P Even my drawings tend to reflect the way I feel about myself. (everyone I draw seems to start out with really large noses.:P)

    I really wish that it wasn't fashionable to hate your self. Even celebs it seems like are constantly dissing themselves, and revealing little flaws about themselves. (most of the time they aren't even flaws.:P)

    And when you see that it's like, "Oh, man, if THEY feel badly about themselves, what must I be like????"
    Christy
    Perfect timing
    on Monday, May 17, 2010 at 2:16 pm
    This came at just the right time. I just finished going through another one of those cycles where I beat myself up for not sticking to my diet or running as fast as I could have.

    Thank you for this truth!!
    Caty
    right on target
    on Monday, May 17, 2010 at 3:32 pm
    This is def. something that i have struggled with and know that a lot of other girls face this too. Thanks for the encouragement. This is something that i needed to hear.
    Cara31
    Re:
    on Monday, May 17, 2010 at 4:47 pm
    Thanks. This is def something that i find really hard. I seem to be constantly putting myself down, in one way or another. Its like its all the time and i cant get away from it, i cant get away from my own thoughts. weird. sorry, anyway, thanks for the post, and prayers would be appreciated thanks.sorry. I dont know why i say sorry. I never seem to be able to stop.
    Anyway, basically what i wanted to say was thanks.
    Britt
    SO TRUE!
    on Monday, May 17, 2010 at 5:18 pm
    Culture is a god to many of us teens these days. Growing up to reach your twenties without having a few, if not all, of the thoughts that you mentioned seems to be an impossibility!

    Your medicine is the cure though. So many authors are throwing out ideas to teens that don't REALLY fix the problem. The Bible is the answer, and i am so glad that Godly women like the both of you are out there presenting the truth!
    Thank you, i have only just discovered(and finished) your book. I am going to share this site with friends....

    Thanks again! God bless your efforts!
    madison
    lies that I believe
    on Monday, May 17, 2010 at 5:25 pm
    well i have believed a lot about my self even that I am a sinner . i have prayed over one hundred times for the reason of people telling me that i am just a big snitch but i only tell on what i think is right to tell on. like these people who where making out in front of my locker.so when i told the name madison the snitch stuch and it always has but any way since i started reading lies young women believe it has really encouraged me to get through it . THANKS!!!!!!!!
    Lowri
    Thanks!!!
    on Monday, May 17, 2010 at 5:35 pm
    wow, i've been struggling with this for years, thank you so much! one thing that helped me stop criticizing myself is trying not to tell myself anything that i wouldn't say to another person.
    TallyKay
    Great blog!
    on Monday, May 17, 2010 at 6:09 pm
    This is so good. I needed to hear this! Something that i'm working on and i see myself changing. Eph 4:29 is what i needed to hear! Praise God that just changed my life.
    I love it when i meet a girl who is SO confident. So even if the world thinks its cool to hate yourself. I think everyone likes it when they meet someone who is confident!
    We should all walk into the bathroom and say Halehluja! (sp?) or Praise God! I look beautiful!
    May God bless you and let your inner beauty SHINE!
    Shelby
    HHHMMM
    on Monday, May 17, 2010 at 7:24 pm
    Well this is the topic i struggle with i often critisize myself in everything and compar myself to people that are alot better at me than the thing im doing at the time.And that results to me haveing low self isteem.Thanks for the post Erin! ill take what you said to heart.Any suggestions anybody??

    Shelby
    Marie
    how we view ourselves
    on Monday, May 17, 2010 at 7:26 pm
    Good post! I think most girls struggle with self-criticism. I noticed this especially when the girls in our youth group were doing a study on this book. As part of the introduction, our leader asked us to draw a picture of what we thought the perfect woman would look like. Surprisingly, (although no one thought her drawing looked like herself) everyone's picture did look almost identical to the girl who drew it .... except, WITHOUT pimples, or thin lips, or big noses, or whatever. I think this illistrates how when we look in the mirror we see our faults more than anything else. This leads to self - criticism.
    So, idk. should we try to see ourselves differently? Should we try to notice our good points more? This might lead to pride. What do you all think?
    libby
    a fine line
    on Monday, May 17, 2010 at 8:30 pm
    I don't really have a problem with this like most people do. My problem comes from wondering how to feel good about myself without letting it go to my head. Like, how do you feel good realistically without thinking you're "all that"? I don't know if that makes any sense, but that was the only way I could put it.
    monica
    Re:
    on Monday, May 17, 2010 at 9:01 pm
    I know this is off subject, but I have a question. I know it says in the Bible that we aren't supposed to work for our salvation and when we do right it doesn't make God love or accept us anymore. I'm really trying to be less selfish and control my tongue lately, but it always motivated me to think that God was happy with me and I guess I always felt like it was a way to earn his acceptance and love. Is that biblical? I mean, otherwise it's very unmotivating to try to be good if it doesn't change the way he thinks about us. Does this make any sense?

    Countrygirl, I will pray for you. I dream bad dreams too but I never thought of it as sin, because you can't control your thoughts when you're sleeping. Idk.
    Ayana
    Lately
    on Monday, May 17, 2010 at 10:08 pm
    Lately the devil has been really coming at me with stuff like this. Thanks for the post. Keep me in your prayers, I know God has something good in store for me.
    cupcake
    A struggle for a while
    on Monday, May 17, 2010 at 11:44 pm
    Hey girls,

    I have been having the same struggle to for a while now i am better now but a few years ago i was so bad i would stand in front of the mirror for 5 hours every day just trying to fix my self and change the way i looked it was like a diseas and took me so long to snap out of and although i am better i still struggle with it now and sometimes compare myself to others and i always can see how lovable everyone else is except myself i always think a guy will never like me, but what we have to do is see what God says he is truth and has the ultimate truth because he is perfect and doesnt tell lies, so next time you are in front of the mirror and something pops in your head and says "you are so ugly" - what you should do is say is that what God says? we are being told lies by the enemy and need to replace those lies with Gods truth, there is such a battle out there and we need to stand firm on Gods truth
    Rece
    WOW!
    on Tuesday, May 18, 2010 at 8:21 am
    Yes I am guilty of all of the above as well. I don't want to be confident in myself, but i do want to be confident in the Lord. Lord help me to see myself the way you want me to.
    Christle
    What God thinks of you is what matters!
    on Tuesday, May 18, 2010 at 11:06 am
    You can't please yourself or others so quit trying. Be concerned with how you are pleasing the One who counts the most, God. Do all things to glorify God, that includes everything you say and do and think. My fav verse is what has gotten me through my lefe so far...
    "Charm is deceitful and beauty is passing but a woman who fears the Lord, she shall be praised." Proverbs 31:30
    Countrygirl101
    monica
    on Tuesday, May 18, 2010 at 5:58 pm
    Hey\!! I didnt mean that it was a sin for my dreams!! I meant that I am trying to get away from those thoughts and it's like satan is atacking me in my sleep!! And say I'll dream I'm at a party and I'll wake up adn want to party or I'll dream I am drinking or smoking and I'll wake up craving both!! IT's horrible!! Any way please pray!!!

    I'm not sure what to say about your question it's trye that we cant earn Gods love but I def beleive he is pleased when we are trying to do right and saddend when we do wrong!! Anyway hope this helps love ya!
    Miss Anonymous
    I've struggled...
    on Tuesday, May 18, 2010 at 6:08 pm
    I have struggled with self esteem problems and poor body image. Sometimes it even gets to the point where I am in deep self- loathing and get depressed :( I sometimes wish that I can look just like my pretty friends. I would also like to get a cute guy to notice me; something that will make me stand out in front of all my friends. But i realized, the only way to stand out is to be myself... but is there also something else?
    monica
    to countrygirl
    on Wednesday, May 19, 2010 at 2:01 am
    OK, now I get you. I thought you meant dirty dreams, because I do but my sister says thats wrong too, but I'm like: I can't control my dreams besides I guess my body kind of tells me what I'm created for, so its not my fault. I'll pray for you. Love ya too:)
    ps. I know what you mean wanting to party. Sometimes I get such a strong urge to just let go and party crazy and have fun, but I know it wouldn't be God honouring at all. Guess it's all part of the good fight.
    Sarah J
    What do I think about myself?
    on Wednesday, May 19, 2010 at 5:20 am
    I have struggled with this A LOT! And I still do at times, but I love what it says on the homepage, that if you've ever believed that you're ugly/fat that you've been lied to.
    I know that I've been lied to, a LOT of times. Every time I fall myself slipping down the wrong path, I find myself praying a silent prayer... "God, here I go again! Please help me not to believe the lies of the world." It's SO easy! Thanks again, Erin!
    God bless everyone!
    Sarah J - Reply to countrygirl
    I know JUST how you feel!
    on Wednesday, May 19, 2010 at 5:24 am
    I know EXACTLY how you feel, countrygirl! It seems that one of the devil's ways of bringing girls around to him is to try and whisper in their ear how ugly and worthless they are, and get them turning away from God and the right path. It is so great that you are rejecting satan's attempt's to lure you away. Fantastic! Thank you for sharing, I know that God will really bless you and brings you through!
    Sarah J
    Countrygirl101
    Monica and Sarah J
    on Wednesday, May 19, 2010 at 6:49 pm
    monica
    Hey!! I'm not sure what you mean by "dirty dreams" but if it's like about guys and stuff I have those too!! actally I dream about nights that me and my ex had actaully spent together it's really odd and I also dream about other guys I have really crazy dirty dreams but I really do not htink it is a sin!! I mean like you said we are alseep!! I really beleive that it is satans attacks!! so does my youth leaders wife!! But It's just so hard to not fall into drinking and smoking pot smoking anything and boys all of it is so hard expesially after you have already expeirenced some of it before it's just hard when I am fealing low to not go party and get drunk and just have a little fun!! But Anyway I will pray for you!! love ya!

    Sarah J!
    Hey!! I totally agree that it is the devil!! and its very powerfull!! thanks for taking the time to comment!! love ya!
    Creeauna
    Didos Miss Anonymous
    on Wednesday, May 19, 2010 at 7:45 pm
    Que pasa mi amigos!!!! I no exactly how u feel Miss Anonymous sometimes i can get really hard on myself 4 not being good enof at something or not being as pretty as all my friends. Sometimes ill be in a "everybody hates me" state of mind 4 days. I also agree with u that it wud b nice 2 get a cute boy 2 like me. Sometimes it just hard 2 b myself, i look at all my friends and see how pretty and popular they r and sometimes i cant help but 2 act like them. I try new haircuts, i try 2 work out, try new makeup styles, but none of them seem 2 make me any prettier. I hav brown hair and light brown eyes, but i want 2 dye my hair auburn and hav green eyes. No matter what i do, i think the only way i can cure this is 2 hav a guy notice me, then ill gang some self confidence nowing that he likes me 4 me and no 1 else or suddenly get really popular, whichever is more likly 2 happen. Miss Anonymous, ur not alone. Im praying 4 all of u. If u hav any advice write back.

    take care
    ur homie
    joygirl
    monica
    on Saturday, May 22, 2010 at 3:19 pm
    God loves you no matter what and you don't have to earn that love. If you truly love God and desire to serve Him, you will be motivated to obey Him because of your love for Him.
    Does this make sense? I hope this answers your question.
    monica
    to joygirl
    on Monday, May 24, 2010 at 12:20 am
    thanks for the comment. yeah, you're right. But it's just hard to get out of my mind that when you do something right God doesn't love you anymore than he did before. But, yeah, it's definately not Biblical, so you're right. I've always had a problem with thinking that love is conditional. I always feel like people don't like me anymore when I not in my sunshiniest mood. Not that they don't really but I guess I feel like I don't deserve their love. idk I guess it's just the matter of getting it out of my head.
    joygirl
    to monica
    on Tuesday, May 25, 2010 at 9:47 pm
    I definitely understand what you're talking about... There is a fine line between knowing that God's love is not something that you have to earn (even though you don't deserve it), and knowing that when you do obey Him that he is pleased.
    I believe that Satan is trying to get you to believe lies about love and I would advise you to take it to the Lord and ask His help because He is much more powerful than Satan and He can help you overcome this. Also, search God's Word for verses that talk about His love. I'll be praying for you! :)
    monica
    to joygirl
    on Wednesday, May 26, 2010 at 10:41 pm
    Thanks for the advice and prayers:)
    I definately will be looking it up and praying. Love ya!
    Jenn
    I have this problem!!
    on Thursday, May 27, 2010 at 4:02 pm
    I have struggled with self-confidence for a long time, the reason being,because when I was younger, I tended to be a bit prideful and wanting to impress my friends, later I overheard my best friend talking behind my back about me and making fun of me about me "thinking I am so good". well, after that I never wanted to be prideful again, and instead of learning to be humble, I kept beating myself up for everything, thinking I was good at nothing. I still struggle will it, but I am trying to work at having more self-confidence! Thank you for the reminder:)
    Love in Christ,
    Jenn
    joygirl
    to monica
    on Saturday, May 29, 2010 at 10:55 pm
    I know all too well what it is to be struggling with something and need a bit of advice from someone so I'm glad that I was able to respond to your question. :)
    Love you too, my sister in Christ! :)
    literaturelover
    absolutely!!!
    on Thursday, June 24, 2010 at 8:33 pm
    this is def a problem i struggle w/. i think every girl does. we always want to look better than humanly possible. i always want better: better hair, complexion, etc. but that's not what God wants for us. He wants us to be so focused on Him that worldly fancies fall by the way-side.
    Mandi
    BATTLE to FIGHT.
    on Friday, July 9, 2010 at 8:25 pm
    Ladies, this is battle we all face. We MUST FACE it though, and not cower and stay at a standstill or we'll continue to be attacked until we either surrender, get wounded, or die! What I mean is.. if we believe the lie that "we're not good enough" what does that say about Jesus Christ, the very Son of God, who died for us because He loved us so much?!? Check out Romans chapters 2-8 & take your time trying to understand as much as possible. I know its a lot, but God's Word is where all the answers are found to combat these lies and have victory... but this victory won't come from ourselves... it will only come from TRUSTING GOD and TRUSTING IN CHRIST JESUS!!!! We're in a battle, against Satan. James 4:6-10. Lets humble ourselves and ask for God's help. Read 1 John. This book is so good for our hearts. We are God's children! Lets live like it! EPHESIANS 6:10-17 Lets put on our armor and fight the good fight- in God's strength and power, not our own. Cause the devil is strongly against us. But GOD IS FOR US (Rom. 8) Who is with me? Ready to fight? I am- cause I KNOW GOD IS ON MY SIDE & HE'S ON YOURS TOO! Psalm 118:6-9
    Emily
    .....
    on Saturday, July 10, 2010 at 9:38 pm
    When I get those thoughts in my head - and am around a mirror of some sort - I usually mouth or says the words that are the truth. Like when I think "I am so ugly!" I mouth the words "Emily, you are not ugly!" And then tell myself to stop saying negative, untruthfull, and silly things about myself. This might look weird for you to do. You might think what if someone sees me doing this? Well, that's why the created a door that can lock! Pretty much works for me, maybe you should try it too. :D
    Dancegirl
    what i get in my head
    on Friday, July 16, 2010 at 11:59 pm
    I'm talking to my friend about what 'whole' looks like. I think we all go to God in shattered pieces sometimes, and I KNOW that He will make us whole again. But what *does* whole look like?
    Fuzzy Socks
    Wow...
    on Saturday, January 8, 2011 at 8:18 pm
    Hey, Erin, I was wondering if you could help by praying for me. All my friends say that I'm my own worst critic. That I need to get away from criticising myself. Everyday, I would tell myself that I wasn't good enough, pretty enough, and etc. Well, it definitely impacted my life because one night i told myself that not even my parents loved me so I tried to kill myself. Well, I just struggle in this area and it really helps to have people to confide in and be prayer warriors for ya. I hope this isn't a burden..........

    Thanks so much! And I suggest doing a blog on this again because sooooooooooo many girls i know struggle with this too!

    Love in Christ,
    Fuzzy
    Erin Davis
    Fuzzy Socks
    on Monday, January 10, 2011 at 1:24 pm
    Our blog team is meeting today. I will make sure that we pray for you by name.

    Erin
    Kay
    Thank u!!!
    on Friday, August 26, 2011 at 10:32 am
    I agree totally!!! Thanks so much for this post!!! I REALLY needed it!!! I'm so bad at being my worst critic and still always tell my friend "u r ur worst critic" but I gess I need to tell myself that too!!! Lol!!!! Who knew!!! Well thank u for showing me that I am valuable and all that matters is that god thinks so!!! K
    Bazinga!
    Re:
    on Thursday, October 25, 2012 at 4:11 pm
    my worst difficulty with self criticism is being too hard on myself after failing or making a mistake. I want to form better habits so I don't beat myself up over every little thing.

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