Have you ever considered what it means to be a girl? Have you ever contrasted our culture’s definition of girlhood with the one presented in God’s Word? If not, I want you to challenge you to turn your thinking toward gender. It’s so important for you to realize what the Designer intended when He created you. Specifically, I want you to consider if it's wise for girls to pursue guys or if it should be the other way around.  
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Should Girls Pursue Guys?

Erin Davis 06/24/10
Category: Guys ; 92 comments

Have you ever considered what it means to be a girl? Have you ever contrasted our culture’s definition of girlhood with the one presented in God’s Word? If not, I want you to challenge you to turn your thinking toward gender. It’s so important for you to realize what the Designer intended when He created you. Specifically, I want you to consider if it's wise for girls to pursue guys or if it should be the other way around.  

That’s why I can’t wait to share a short video titled “Who Wears the Pants” with you. The video features author and speaker Mary Kassian. It is part of a series of videos appearing on TrueWoman.com that highlight the content of Mary’s newest book, “Girls Gone Wise”

Check out her post and video below. After you’ve watched, be sure to leave us a comment and share your reaction. 

Who wears the pants? And does it even matter? Because anything guys can do, girls can do better. Right? Well maybe-maybe not. But according to the Bible, roles aren’t based on who’s more capable or competent, or whose turn it is, or who wants to have a go at it. In this Girls Gone Wise Video book blog, you’ll find out that there’s a really important reason why roles matter, and why it should be the guy pursuing the girl… and not the other way around.

  Note: You can catch more Girls Gone Wise videos here




Comments

HEY, GIRLS! We love hearing from you, but feel limited in the ways we can help. For one thing, we’re not trained counselors. If you’re seeking counsel, we encourage you to talk to your pastor or a godly woman in your life as they’ll know more details and can provide you with ongoing accountability and help. Also, the following comments do not necessarily reflect the views of Revive Our Hearts. We reserve the right to remove comments which might be unhelpful, unsuitable, or inappropriate.

    haley
    should girls pursue guys?
    on Thursday, June 24, 2010 at 11:49 am
    AMEN! Thank you!!! :)
    LindseyLou
    Re:
    on Thursday, June 24, 2010 at 12:16 pm
    I had mixed feelings about this. I fully understand that that today most women throw them selves at guys and are the Strange woman from Proverbs. We should strive to be a Proverbs 31 woman. The video showed 2 extremes: the old tv frumpyish women who did nothing but clean the house all day and then the wordly Strange woman who seem to throw herself out there. But to me I really didn't get anything that was a Proverbs 31 woman... The paragraph above the video said "who wears the pants and does it really matter?" that sorta made me think. In ephesians, i think, it says "wives submit to thy husbands." i really thought that should have been in there. I also thought, in the video, about her talking about clay....I'm not sure exactly if i got it all, but God made us the same man and woman. Obviously man didn't make woman, but I'm not quite sure how that fit in with this. I'm a little confused about us girls pursuing the guys....I thought that during this time we should start getting involved with eternal not the temporal....working on our relationship with God. I'm not saying I'm closed off to boys, but God is going to bring me to the place where i'll meet mr. right.... I'm sorry, I don't want to seem not openminded and closed off, but I'm not really sure about us pursing guys...;)
    Anonymous
    Re:
    on Thursday, June 24, 2010 at 12:41 pm
    I always strongly believed in the point that girls were just as strong, smart, and able to work as guys are. So is that point wrong?
    Becca
    wow!
    on Thursday, June 24, 2010 at 1:44 pm
    that really helped me look at God's way of a relationship between a man and a woman should be!! thnx so much!
    Dominique
    wow
    on Thursday, June 24, 2010 at 4:25 pm
    Thanks so much for posting this video. I have learned a lot!
    Annie
    Good points
    on Thursday, June 24, 2010 at 6:00 pm
    I think many girls struggle with this and its time we stop and think about our actions and how it honors God's plan for our lives. Great video.
    Lauren
    thank you!
    on Thursday, June 24, 2010 at 9:57 pm
    Thank you so much for this post! I believe that if godly Christian girls adhere to the design and role God has given them, then they will be not only be rewarded with healthy relationships, but they could encourage the young men around them to be initiators and leaders.
    Jeannie
    wow
    on Friday, June 25, 2010 at 2:02 am
    I've been needing this... I tend to chase guys, and I've never even gotten them to follow me, I just scare them away... But my only problem is how hard it is to find the ideal biblical guy who will be the pursuer.... I guess that's no reason to ignore God's word, but how are you supposed to find anyone if the guys won't lead?
    steph
    very interesting
    on Friday, June 25, 2010 at 9:33 am
    thanks for posting this! wow, when put like that at the beginning of the video, it's so obvious how the culture has warped the view of women. we dont even realize it most of the time, but when faced with such a contrast, it's obvious.

    so i know men are supposed to be the initiators, but i have two little questions. 1) how are men supposed to advance and know we're interested unless we flirt? i don't want to flirt; i think it's self centered and stupid. but how are they supposed to know we like them back? also, 2) what about "break ups"? women can initiate those, right?
    Brittany Lee
    Re:
    on Friday, June 25, 2010 at 9:35 am
    This is very true and goes very well with what I have been reading and writing lately.

    I've been reading "Fight Like a Girl" by Lisa Bevere. The points she makes are very eye opening and makes one wonder why they did not see it. Truth be, we are blinded by our society and culture today that we don't always see where our place should be as we see what is "normal" for our culture.

    Thank you for the post! :)
    Izzy
    Its sooo hard to wait...
    on Friday, June 25, 2010 at 11:44 am
    Even though what the video says is true, I find it soooo hard to wait for the right guy. Many girls in my classes wear the little tiny butt shorts; and a can see the guys "checking them out." Its disgusting, but it the end I'm fighting the temptation to not throw myself at every cute guy I see. Ugh! I feel like I'm the only girl in my church and sometimes the whole world who feels like that. I hate being tempted, but it always comes back and back and back. Help me....
    Jenn
    That is so true!
    on Friday, June 25, 2010 at 11:48 am
    This is sooo true, our culture's girls have gone so far from there purpose, and acually not just us, guys too! Girls have taken on the role of pursuing, while guys have let go of that role. Girls are always flirting with guys, and always are are so desperate for a relationship with a guy! One bible passage that came to mind while I watched this video, Proverbs 31, it tells about the "wife of noble charactor", it tells us how we should be. Thanks so much for this wonderful reminder:)
    Faith
    Anything you can do...
    on Friday, June 25, 2010 at 3:32 pm
    Often you will be able to do lots of things better than a guy can. You can run faster than a lot of guys, you're probably stronger than some, and smarter than some. You're probably better at leading than a lot of them! But simply because you can beat them, doesn't mean you always should. Letting men lead, and encouraging them to become better leaders by your good following will do a lot in building your Christian brothers' masculinity."

    not to mention. If you're in a marriage where you led through the whole relationship, how sure are you that your husband wants you a LOT? Don't you want someone to really desire and pursue you?
    Savannah
    pursuing
    on Friday, June 25, 2010 at 3:54 pm
    Wow what an eye opener! Thanks for posting that video : )

    Izzy, I know exactly what you mean! I see guys "check out" the pursuers all the time and it is gross. It can be hard to fight the temptation to want to start pursuing guys also, but most of the time the guys that do go for the pursuers aren't the kind of guys you want to be with. Christian guys go for what is on the inside, your personality. I hope that helps!
    Anonomys
    Re:
    on Friday, June 25, 2010 at 4:22 pm
    So true! Culture's view of what a woman is is completely warped! Thanks so much for the post!

    "Charm is deceitful and beauty is fleeting, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised" Psalm 31:30
    Anonomys
    re
    on Friday, June 25, 2010 at 4:24 pm
    I meant Proverbs : )
    Cassie
    Yeah...
    on Friday, June 25, 2010 at 11:22 pm
    yeah so i think that video was AWSOME, it got a little confusing but if u watch it like twice it makes sense :)
    justagirl
    wrong.
    on Saturday, June 26, 2010 at 1:13 am
    Has it occurred to you that this kind of misogyny is what allows human rights abuses in the developing world to continue? Not necessarily this issue in particular, but the general case in which one woman chooses to foist archaic stereotypes on other women. What does that accomplish? It certainly does not protect one from, say, dating violence or STDs. What it does do is teach girls to resist liberalization of societal norms. The best way to keep an oppressed population oppressed is to convince them to support their own oppression.
    abby
    Very good!
    on Saturday, June 26, 2010 at 12:42 pm
    Wow, I've heard this before, but it really sank in this time! What an amazing big picture!
    Thanks so much!
    Karlee
    that is true
    on Saturday, June 26, 2010 at 1:27 pm
    AMEN TO THAT THANK YOU I MADE THE MISTAKE OF PERSUING A GUY AND IT RUIEND MY WHOLE SUMMER AND MY WHOLE YEAR BUT I LEARNED TO LET THE GUYS PERSUE YOU THE HARD WAY THANX AND AMEN
    Lisa
    Don't agree
    on Saturday, June 26, 2010 at 1:40 pm
    This is absolutely absurd. Give me a single Biblical reference that says women cannot pursue men. Not only are there no texts that say that, but there are texts that mean otherwise.

    By all means, don't take specific texts talking about husbands and wives and apply them to women and men in general. For example, I will never, under any circumstances, feel obligated to submit to my boyfriend. To say that I need to submit to him and let him lead, in my opinion, could almost cross the line of being evil because it is a misplaced authority.

    This is absolutely pathetic. Can we please stop making young, impressionable girls feel inferior to men?
    Natalie #2
    Re: justagirl
    on Saturday, June 26, 2010 at 8:02 pm
    Simply because men have stepped out of their gender roles and hurt women, does not mean that we should do the same.

    Not only that, but this is not an archaic stereotype. It is a timeless FACT about who we were created to be.

    And...I hate to break it to you, but girls who pursue guys are JUST as likely to get an STD or be the victim of date violence.

    I don't think Mary Kassian is advocating that we let ANY man lead us. and follow any male who orders us to tie his shoes. I think she is talking about the special relationship between man and woman in contrast to the relationship of Christ and His Church.
    Corey
    re: Lisa
    on Saturday, June 26, 2010 at 8:12 pm
    I don't think there is a specific Bible verse that says single girls can't pursue guys. It's fairly obvious from Scripture, however that married women can't.

    The reason that I think Mrs. Kassian innferred that we shouldn't pursue guys was because the Church didn't pursue Christ. He pursued us.

    And you're right. God doesn't call all women to obey all men. *shudder* That would be horrible. You don't need to submit to your boy friend until after you're married. But even now you shouldn't emasculate him. And you SHOULD encourage him to be a true man.:) That's what a true woman does. We're men's help meets, and you can find that in Genesis 2:18
    Cassie
    To Lisa
    on Sunday, June 27, 2010 at 3:32 pm
    I see where you are coming from, but i kinda disagree. Is it really smart for a girl to go around chasing boys to get a boyfriend? My opinion is NO. Im not saying a boy should go around chasing girls then though. I think its ok to be friends with a boy and then maybe ask him out, and its ok for a boy to do that to a girl as well.
    And remember it does not say in the bible "girlfriends, submit to your boyfriends." it says "WIVES, submit to you HUSBANDS." And if you obeyed God and chose a suitable and Godly husband to marry,what would be the right thing and the thing you would probably want to do is submit to them!
    Also, God calls men to be the leader of the family, and if he cant even start taking charge before the marriage (hopefully girls would date to pursue marriage) then how would the man act DURING the marriage? Im only 14 so i dont know much about dating, but I hope this shows you how to balance this subject out. Thanks. God Bless =D
    Chrissy
    Re: Don't agree
    on Sunday, June 27, 2010 at 6:53 pm
    Well, one point that they are trying to get across is that most of the time, when girls pursue guys, they usually end in heartache and regret. I know it's happened to me before, and probably many other young women. But because males have been created to be the "leaders," they're saying that it would make more sense for the man to lead the woman to avoid the heartache and pain that could result. Personally, I don't feel as though I am inferior to men because I follow this. I feel like God will put the right man in my life at the right time for the right purposes. Not because I am attracted to him, but because God created us for each other.
    Miss Anonymous
    Re:
    on Sunday, June 27, 2010 at 9:04 pm
    wow thanks! good points made there. Women can be just as good as guys at anything, but the husband was called to be the head of the house and to love the wife
    Audrey
    Let the man do the asking :)
    on Monday, June 28, 2010 at 1:54 pm
    I read a book by Michael and Hayley DiMarco entitled; "Marriable: Taking the Desperate Out of Dating." In the book, they said something to this effect: if a guy is not asking you out, he either is not man enough or he does not like you.. why would you settle for either?

    I am 20 years old and I have asked guys out before and it did NOT work.. If God has a man for you, He will bring him to you!
    Lydia D.
    Lisa
    on Monday, June 28, 2010 at 2:20 pm
    Your last paragraph caught my attention. Mary Kassian isn't trying to make us feel inferior. Never in that video does she even say the word inferior. She is simply trying to keep us from throwing ourselves all over guys, and helping us realize that we need to not be so aggressive towards men.
    shanny
    Re
    on Monday, June 28, 2010 at 3:23 pm
    girls should not pursue guys GOD call the men to be the leaders and if we as young women go around pursueing men we take that away form them i am not saying men should go around pursueing alot of women and i am not saying that we have to sumit to evey guy in our life GOD calls us to sumit to our husbands and if you have a boyfriend you dont have to sumit to him but you should be encourgeing him in the lord and for him to be a leader of a household one day i want the man the man GOD has made for me to pursue me not the other way around. heres a saying that i love A women should have her heart so lost in th LORD so a man will seek him in order to fing her are you that girl?
    Steph
    Re: Lisa
    on Monday, June 28, 2010 at 7:21 pm
    "By all means, don't take specific texts talking about husbands and wives and apply them to women and men in general. For example, I will never, under any circumstances, feel obligated to submit to my boyfriend."

    Of course not. They are not saying that at all. That would be dreadful. What they are saying is that it is obviously the Biblical pattern for men to be the leaders in the relationship. (which does not mean we're inferior. We could probably lead better in a lot of ways and at a lot of times, but it is their role, and we should encourage them in it.) So since they are the leaders, they should be the ones to pursue us to begin a healthy relationship. If the girl were to pursue the guy and pursue the guy and then all the sudden they get married, how is she supposed to suddenly submit? The roles would already be in place.
    :)
    Ayana
    Been There
    on Monday, June 28, 2010 at 11:42 pm
    For anyone who think that girls pursuing boys is ok...ITS NOT! Promise. It only ends, yes ends, in heartache and scars.
    Hailee
    Re:
    on Tuesday, June 29, 2010 at 1:55 am
    SO AGREE WITH YOU STEPH!!!!!!!!!!!
    monica
    Re:
    on Tuesday, June 29, 2010 at 5:18 am
    Hey there! I think it's def wrong to chase guys and throw yourself on them, but is it wrong to show that you like them? I mean, some guys are shy and especially if you're pretty they tend to think you're already taken so they don't dare to show interest and sometimes need some encouragement. Is that wrong? Plus I don't like being chased by guys so I tend to be interested in the guys that are not interested in me or don't notice me so of course I have to get their attention. idk I might be wrong????
    Caty
    Roles
    on Tuesday, June 29, 2010 at 3:04 pm
    Girls, we must remember that there are roles that God has for men and women. This does not mean that one is inferior to the other or one is more important, it just means that we are unique and each have our specific purposes.

    We do not have to submit to a boyfriend, especially at first when commitment is low, however if you are not willing to submit to him in the small things when you are dating or engaged then how will you submit to him in the big things once you are married. (I am assuming that dating means you have marriage in mind, since dating really has no other goal than that) What our culture tells us about women and how they should act is really twisted when compared to what God says.

    I don't think that it is wrong for girls to express their interest in a guy but we should let the guys do the leading when it comes to asking each other out on dates. This helps the guy show that he is not afraid and that he cares enough about you to put himself out on a limb and it also good to boost his confidence. We are actually doing the guys a favor when we let them lead. It helps them become the men they should be. As Christian young ladies we are supposed to encourage them to become strong men of God. <>< God Bless! (Srry this was a lil long) :)
    Lisa
    responses to Cory, Cassie and Steph
    on Thursday, July 1, 2010 at 9:39 am
    Hi girls:

    thanks for your comments, and since you all had similiar points, I'll just quick respond to those below.

    I think Cory pointed out that the Church did not pursue Christ, but Christ pursued the Church. Theologically, that is completely correct. However, an unmarried man and an unmarried woman do not represent Christ and the Church, so this argument doesn't even apply.

    I think Cassie brought up that we shouldn't go around and chase guys, and I completely agree. I'm not saying we should act foolish and run around chasing unmarried men; however, I see no argument that a female is never Biblically allowed to initiate any kind of relationship at all. I understand that you believe men are leaders of the family (while I believe that both parents are leaders of the family), and even if your position was Biblically sound, I cannot see how you can use it out of context.

    Steph brought up the point that if we adopt a traditional viewpoint in dating, marriage will be easier because the roles are already in place. Again, in my experience, I've found the opposite to be true because breakups can easily happen in a dating relationship, while they are not permitted in a marriage relationship. A young lady should never, under any circumstances, have a relationship that looks like a marriage relationship if she hasn't tied the knot, including patterns on gender roles.

    My viewpoint is this: let's agree to disagree on this issue of preference and look at more important doctrinal issues.
    Brittany Lee
    Re: Lisa
    on Thursday, July 1, 2010 at 12:42 pm
    You should read "Fight Like A Girl" by Lisa Bevere. It talks about the power of being a woman and it also go through the roles that men and women play differently. We are meant to compliment each other. It's a good read, you should try it out. :)

    God bless!
    Laura Beth
    some good points
    on Thursday, July 1, 2010 at 11:25 pm
    I agree that there is a level of care we girls need to take in how we relate to guys. At the same time, we need to remain friendly and approachable. I think there may be times it's appropriate to initiate a conversation--but it definitely should not be the standard rule, and it definitely shouldn't be about an initial start to a romantically inclined relationship.

    In today's culture, where we don't have arranged marriages there does have to be a sort of mutual relationship. The guy should inititiate a relationship, of course--but I do think there comes a point in that relationship where the girl should mutually express the same genuine interest--and in that way pursue one another to a sort of equivalent degree.
    Ada
    hmmm....good question!
    on Friday, July 2, 2010 at 4:07 am
    i think it is OK to be interested in a guy. but i believe that the Guys are the one to the pursuing, even in Jesus days the guys looked for a good women and thought about who would make a good mother to their children. i believe when we let guys lead the pursuing we are giving them a chance to show responsibility.
    animatedash
    Re: justagirl
    on Saturday, July 3, 2010 at 12:02 am
    Since when does advocating biblical gender roles have ANYTHING to do with protecting against STD's, rape, or abuse?

    In fact, since when does the liberalization of societal norms protect against any of that either?

    This video is not advocating sitting at home and letting your husband beat you because a wife should submit to abuse. You obviously blew this video up to an unecessary and illogical extreme.
    Emily Newcomb
    Re:
    on Monday, July 5, 2010 at 9:47 am
    I wish that guys could understand this stuff too. Many guys this day in age believe that women should basically do what they do. They don't care if they are in charge are not. I am reading lies young women believe and one of the lies is "It's okay to date a non-Christian." And in reading this section, I found something new. Sometimes it's not even okay to date a Christian. He needs to be a Christian that can be a spiritual leader to us women. Finding a guy like this might be very hard. BUT, God knows the right one for us. And everything else from the Proverbs 31 woman will fall into place and he will agree with it and support it. I'm so glad God knows what He's doing, because on our own, marriage is completely twisted.
    Elisia
    No way
    on Monday, July 5, 2010 at 3:26 pm
    I don't think its right for a girl to persue a guy. It say in the bible that men should be the persuer. I would not even ask a guy for his number. If he wants,it he will ask.
    Sarah
    i agree
    on Monday, July 5, 2010 at 9:41 pm
    this is totally true. i don't know about everyone out there, but, i've noticed within my school that very few guys actually ask girls out anymore. they sit around waiting for some girl to come ask them out. they expect it. they know that any guy who isn't dead will already have 20 girls lined up all in his face. i think this is disgusting. guys are confused. man up guys, and back off girls. any guy who you (girls) pursue instead of him pursuing you will have problems. if he doesn't ask you out, he either doesn't want to, or he's a wimp. either way, you don't want to be with him, right?????
    Katie
    Thank you!
    on Wednesday, July 7, 2010 at 2:35 pm
    I have always believed that the girls should never ask the guys out and be the initiator in the relationships. I had never really found it in the Bible, I had just thought that that's how it's supposed to be. Thanks for posting this, it helped me and (probably) a lot of other girls reading this blog =]
    Andie
    i agree!
    on Tuesday, July 27, 2010 at 9:55 pm
    dudes just need to take the first step.... its not up to the girl. if they care enough about you they need to let YOU know, not wait for YOU to tell THEM.
    Lauren
    Thank you!
    on Saturday, August 14, 2010 at 5:34 pm
    Wow! I've never thought of it that way. I was kinda confused about that but now it makes sense. Were not supposed to force ourselves on them, we're the princesses. We wait for our prince.
    Miss M
    my viewpoint on the pants
    on Monday, August 16, 2010 at 5:19 pm
    As a 15 year old, I have some opinions in life. I have always wanted to be Pursued and not be the pursuer, and the Lord has but a young man in my life who means a lot to me. He is pursuing me and is going to talk to my father about us being a couple, and I have known him for a while. As a Christian, I have prayed for him, and for me as well, in order that the Lord would put a guard over what I would say and write to him.

    I say that us girls are to be pursued. not be the pursuers.
    Lauren H.
    100% Agree
    on Tuesday, August 17, 2010 at 10:21 pm
    This explained so much! I honestly wish that I had seen this video much earlier; it would've prevented a lot of heartache and a lot of disaster on my part. Thanks for sharing this!
    Christie Dunn
    Gettin a Boy
    on Monday, October 11, 2010 at 3:50 pm
    I keep trying to tell myself that I'm still too young for a boyfriend! Thanks for all of these good comments!
    maeve
    Yay Lisa.
    on Wednesday, October 13, 2010 at 11:11 pm
    Lisa,
    Thank you for your bravery. I completely agree with you in that leadership is mutual, while I might also add that submission to one another in a relationship should also be mutual as well ("Submit to one another...)_.
    One female's comment above made the point that women were created to be men's "help-meet". This in no way denotes a hierarchal relationship!! Now, this hierarchal relationship is not explicitly addressed in this video or these comments, but we do need to be careful about giving more attention to a woman's need to submit than a man's need. In focusing more on the importance of the woman's submission, we introduce a hierarchal structure where the man's submission is not as important, placing him on the highest pedestal, while mentioning the women's responsibility more often places her on the bottom wrung.
    Back to "ezer"- It's important to note that this word "ezer", meaning "help-meet" in Hebrew can also be translated as "succorer", "rescuer", "deliverer", "strength", and "power" (Longing For More by Ruth Haley Barton, 2007). The word meaning "help-meet" was most often in relation to God helping his people.
    In this sense, we can read this to mean that woman was created to help and offer power and strength to man.
    Additionally, there is no notation in the Bible about specific gender roles in Eden before sin. I will mention, though, that as uniquely male and female, we are both representations of God made in His image. We both have voices that need to be heard because we both uniquely represent Christ. God mandated both man and woman to rule over the Garden.
    If then, we are working toward the redemption offered to us by Christ's death and resurrection, why would we want to continue to perpetuate a notion that women shouldn't lead or "rule"?

    Just some of my recent musings...

    In my experience, it hasn't worked to be the pursuer as a female. But I believe that is more due to cultural construction of gender roles rather than God's plan.

    Grace and Peace to you all.
    Anon
    Guy's perspective
    on Monday, October 25, 2010 at 1:52 am
    I spotted this, so I thought I'd throw in a guy's perspective...

    I agree that guys should be the ones to initiate a relationship, do the asking, the leading from the start.

    Girls throwing themselves at guys is off-putting, so it's good that its been pointed out that this isnt a good thing to do

    However, I believe that too many females have Jesus in their minds as a model for who they should date. This will raise eyebrows, however, let me explain.

    A date is just that - a date, seeing if we can get to know each other etc, with the view of it leading to marriage. It is NOT an actual proposal. Christian females should at least be open to going out with guys who ask them out. They wouldnt do it if there was no good reason - they thought the 2 of you got along, had things in common, you were both single etc. Relationships have to start somewhere

    Also, Christian guys arent and cannot be Jesus. We will at best be an imitation of him. Christians are supposed to lead lives like Jesus. We wont ever be perfect, so give us a break and accept our imperfections. ie dont aim to date the actual Christ - give those who want to model their lives on him, and lead someone else in this walk a chance

    I'll probably be lynched for this, oh well. I'll take one for the guys
    Ms. Flirty
    loooook.....
    on Monday, October 25, 2010 at 2:17 pm
    GUYS AREN"T POISONOUS!!!! there's nothing wrong with guys! they're just guys!! I feel like everybody here on lywb is like, "GUYS ARE BAAAD UNTIL YOU TURN 18!!!!" guys are fine!!!! they're guys!!! so what?! SOMEBODY EXPLAIN PLEASE!!!!!
    forever single
    -_-
    on Monday, October 25, 2010 at 2:25 pm
    Hey, guys, stop putting yourselves down!! You talk like you need a guy to be the leader of your life. I have one guy that I will forever love... my dad. I have made a committment to myself that I will do my best never ever to marry unless God is seriously pushing me. My little sister almost got raped by one of my guy friends. Somebody came just in time. The point is, I feel like I don't want anybody lording over my life but God. I can make my own choices with His help. then you can make your own choices without having some husband confirm them. Anyone agree or disagree? ERIN, WHAT DO YOU THINK?
    Hannah
    Bible
    on Sunday, October 31, 2010 at 3:02 pm
    Hm. I'm not entirely sure what I think on this subject.
    This video made a lot of open claims that weren't backed up scripturally.Why should I listen to this lady? So yeah, you think that God intended us to never ask guys out, and never text them, but is that what God intended? Show me a verse. Yes, I realize we are supposed to be submissive, but people are supposed to submit to others. A relationship with a boy is not the male telling the female what to do. How do I know that God intended me to never pursue a guy? Look at Ruth.
    Erin Davis
    forever single
    on Sunday, November 7, 2010 at 2:57 pm
    Hey, girl. I think you have some issues that you might need some help to work through. I am so sorry that your sister was attacked, but that doesn't mean that all men or bad or that you should be afraid of marriage. Do you have a Christian mentor that you can talk to about these issues?

    Erin
    KeepingKaya
    hm...
    on Saturday, December 25, 2010 at 1:01 am
    I didn't get the message "girls shouldn't pursue guys" from the video. It depends HOW, though. A promiscuous and obsessive person is not the ideal, whether male or female. It's more about letting God have the control about relationships, no matter what gender you are. For example, wanting a boyfriend simply to have a boyfriend objectifys the boy, which is unfair to him. That doesn't give boys license to do it, though.
    It's more of culture's view on relationships vs. God's view. People seem impatient now, and don't want to wait for the perfect love God has in store for them. We should defintely aspire to let God into our souls and lives, especially in the ways of love-- pursue God instead of a partner.
    Maddie
    Something to think about...
    on Tuesday, December 28, 2010 at 5:38 pm
    Well, I think girls should not pursue boys, because they're literally throwing themselves at guys. They'll do anything to feel loved or feel like they have a "Boyfriend". I wish fewer girls felt like they had to dress a certain way, or talk, or even play dumb to get a guy to appreciate them. But, in a different sense, if a girl had a boyfriend, and she didn't really pursue him (A.K.A: Didn't really care about him), then she should. A relationship only works if two people are cooperating together as a team. That's my opinion on this subject.
    witheld
    It's ok to pursue guys, its even good for you
    on Wednesday, December 29, 2010 at 5:40 pm
    Girls should pursue Guys.Girls always want equal treatment, equal pay, equal opportunities, in the workplace and at home, but when it comes down to doing what it takes to be an equal, they wont or cant do it, maybe girls really aren't equals. With all the feminism going around you would think that a girl would have the courage nowadays to pursue a guy, You girls are stuck in the past, a real, modern woman would'nt be afraid to pursue a Man or even contemplate whether they should, she would just do it. But it seems like you all would rather be baking cookies and embroidering, rather than making your own future, Maybe feminism is wrong then, Maybe girls dont even have what it takes to be equals and pursue a Man, or even be like a Man. But I bet you want to be treated like one
    Alley
    different vs superior/inferior
    on Tuesday, January 4, 2011 at 9:32 pm
    just because men and women are different, doesn't mean one is better than the other. as women we have different roles than men and we should embrace that- we were made that way for a purpose.
    something i've thought about also is just that like- well wouldn't it feel a lot better to know that a guy likes you because of who you are and he's willing to fight for it because you're special to him vs. he likes you because you like him ? besides the fact that God designed men to pursue and women to be pursued. think about your favorite love story- most likely it goes something like this: guy. girl. problem- solution. guy loves girl and pursues girl. girl falls in love with guy. idk but it just seems right. <3
    but i get what ur saying- i hate being categorized and bound by what i'm "supposed" to be like. i don't wanna feel like i have to be baking and knitting all day. i like 2 play paintball, i'm wearing my brother's hoodie right now, i like exercising/working out and feeling fit, and actually when i was little i was part tom-boy. but i'm still a girl and that's what God wants me to be. it definately ok to do some things that are considered by our culture as "manly" activities but we should never forget our role as women. God made men to protect and to fight. women are wired for caring and loving and supporting the men. don't get me wrong- we are not BOUND by that. its just how we are made and why would we throw away the skills and gifts God has given to us because we want to be like men? that's like saying "thanks, but no thanks, God. i'd rather have a different gift. i'm not satisfied with what you've given me". the issue of girls pursuing guys i think goes way deeper than just that. it roots in the heart's attitude towards God's design in general. its not about women being AFRAID to pursue a man. i think its a huge temptation to want to pursue a guy (especially when they seem like they need a lil nudging cuz they're not doing anything on their own) but its not our place to do so. its hard to find a balance between freedom in behavior and staying within God's will and design. if God was ok with women being like men, he wouldn't have bothered making women in the first place. he also wouldn't have bothered creating marriage. one of the main things in marriage is that the man and the women complete eachother- like two pieces of a puzzle. each piece is different- none is better than the other. but if they were the same, how could they fit perfectly together?
    Kami
    THE WORD SUBMIT
    on Tuesday, January 18, 2011 at 11:40 pm
    Girls i think we fail to realize wat submit to your husband means. It means in the end he makes the decisions. Your follow him assuming he follows Christ. It doesnt mean let him beat you or talk to you any kind of way or sexually abuse you or make you do anything against Christ. Of course women have the ability to run a household mi mom does it but thats not your job. your job is to support your husband and he should lead you properly. SUBMIT only works how God intended if you have married a godly man
    Alicia
    UGH
    on Saturday, January 22, 2011 at 12:37 am
    Of course this book was RIDICULOUS! so EXTREME! can someone please shoot my now?
    God did not give me the desires of my heart to work hard, and have a career. I can have kids or not. it depends on what god gives me. But i will NOT sit around waiting to be saved by some man! RIDICULOUS!!!!!
    bama baby
    why cant't we have fun
    on Wednesday, March 2, 2011 at 12:59 pm
    if i was raped by my grandfather could he go to hell or will he go to heaven couse i was reading this book and it says god will forgive you for what ever you done is that the truth
    Jazzy101girl
    Re:
    on Friday, March 18, 2011 at 11:46 pm
    Great comment Faith!!!:) Love it!!:) Good point!!:) It's so much better letting the guy pursue you because He really wants too!!:) Then chasing the guys.

    Our culture has made it seem like that being pursued by guys is lame, and totally ridiculous. But I think it's just such a beautiful thing, to do wait and let the guys lead. The guys were meant to be the leaders in relationships, not us and lead in many other ways as well.

    I know it takes a lot for guys to take courage to ask girls out who they like out.

    God's teaching me how to wait patiently and to trust Him. Something else that my mom taught me was the way that girls trust God is through waiting, and the way guys trust God is by taking risks. It's because the way we were designed to be. Guys lead and take risks, girls wait patiently, and trust:)

    So, if we truly trust God we have to learn to lean on God that He knows what He's doing when it comes to relationships:)

    That's just something I learned that I wanted to share!!:) But great post!! And wonderful point!!!:)
    Erin Davis
    Bama Baby
    on Tuesday, March 29, 2011 at 2:55 pm
    The reality is that if your grandfather confesses his sin to the Lord, turns away from it, and acknowledges that Jesus is Savior, the Bible tells us that he will go to heaven. I am sure that doesn't seem fair, to you, his victim, but the beauty of God's grace is that there is no sin so big that God cannot cover it.

    What about you? Do you have someone you can talk to about what you've experienced? Do your parents know? Are you still in danger?

    It is so important that you tell someone so that you can be removed from the situation and begin the healing process. The same God who is big enough to forgive your grandfather is big enough to heal you from the abuse you've endured.

    Who do you have to talk to about all of this?

    Would it be okay if I asked our LYWB.com prayer team to pray for you and your family?

    Erin
    Confuseled
    I am a little confused...
    on Thursday, June 30, 2011 at 11:59 pm
    Does this mean that I shouldn't have asked out my boyfriend of 7 months? Because we never fight, or anything like that. And I doubt that we would be going out if it weren't for me asking him out. I don't think that this book blog is good. I am not going to wait around for some guy. I need to be doing something! I'm not some damsel in distress, so why should I wait for some guy to come rescue me. Just saying...
    jackie
    waiting
    on Sunday, July 3, 2011 at 8:13 pm
    yes n no. yes bc if that guy were nvr 2 ask u out then u wouldnt have gotten 2 knw him. no bc it is better if the guy ask u out bc we are to wait for them. we should wait for God's timing. God knws better than we do. it would be best if u didnt
    Sarah, with the LYWB team
    Confused
    on Monday, July 4, 2011 at 9:24 pm
    Thank you for shring your comments, Confused. Notice in the video that the reason for allowing a guy to lead in a relationship is not because a girl is in distress, but it demonstrates God’s ordained order. God’s ways are always for our good. One complaint we often hear from Christian girls is that boyfriends are passive in the relationship. While your situation doesn’t necessarily indicate that, it might be of concern in future relationships. Just think about it.
    Micah
    What about the Bible?
    on Friday, August 12, 2011 at 3:26 pm
    I skimmed the comments above, and they lack Biblical warrant. The "men as pursuers" teaching is wrong, at least as it is laid out here. I think you will find stronger underpinnings for "men as pursuers" in "Lancelot, the Knight of the Cart" or other medieval literature.

    What does the Bible teach? Men as leaders? Clearly. Men as pursuers of righteousness? No question. Men as practitioners of sacrificial love? Absolutely Men as "the pursuers"? I don't think so.

    Who initiates in the story of Ruth? Who is going up and down the streets looking for whom in Song of Solomon? Does not Scripture frequently admonish all people to seek and pursue the Lord, with all their hearts? I would venture that a search in a concordance for "seek" and "pursue" would yield more usages of those words in the context of men pursuing God rather than the opposite.

    I think a better Biblical case can be made for mutual pursuit. (Wow, imagine that, just like a friendship!)

    The untoward emphasis on men needing to be the pursuers has had several unfortunate consequences in my experience: Women with control issues can use it as a crutch, and men can make virtual gods of women by continuing to pursue them long after the women have failed to make an emotional investment in the relationship.
    Bluefiddle91
    not pursuing the guy
    on Monday, October 17, 2011 at 2:46 pm
    I know that girls should not pursue the guy...but what if "let's say...the guy and the girl both like the other, but the boy is to shy about his feelings to actually go about in pursuing a relationship with the girl? What should she do? Forget about the friendship/relationship or continue to wait for God to work his glory through the guy's shyness?" Thanks!
    Ashley Marie
    True
    on Monday, October 31, 2011 at 2:53 pm
    I didn't listen to all of the video because it wasn't talking about what I was looking for but I see everyone here is involved in the discussion or question "Should a girl take initiative and ask the guy out?"

    Let me tell you this from my personal experience and my sisters. My sister Brittany is younger than me and she had a semi-great relationship with her ex-boyfriend but what really dissapointed her was that she was making MOST if not all of the plans to hang out and she felt like if she didn't ask her boyfriend wouldn't of so she was mainly making the plans. He was a nice guy but in the end she found out he wasn't what she was looking for and she really doubted him. Now shes with a great guy whose completely taken her heart. She was happy that her new boyfriend was the one who called her and not the other way around, he also went through great lengths to hang out with her and she fell in love with him because she felt like his love for her was genuine!

    Now... as for me... I have been down many empty roads... I've tried taking initiative just to have the guy turn me down or not be interested in me. And now I'm realizing I kind of am done with it. I learned the empty way. No doors where opening for me..... so I realize now that the guy has to chase you..... not you chase the guy.

    You don't want to be with a guy who doesn't put effort into it.. and you don't want to be in a relationship where YOU are putting more effort into him than he is you. You actually want it to be equal. I would say a relationship is great if HE shows you LOVE and not just you showing him love or interest.

    If he's not showing you enough interest or barely any at all yet you are still chasing him.. its time to go.

    Girls, it's wise not to chase a guy. There are FEW exceptions like if a shy guy who has NO experience and is afraid to ask you out.. shows signs of crushing on you, you can ask him out only if he is shy but most guys ARE NOT!!!! Most guys will flirt with you I'm sure or show interest in you or ask you "Do you like me" who knows what a guy will do... but let the guy chase you.

    If your chasing and looking for love.... Your looking in all the wrong places.. Your not letting the guy chase you... I know what it's like to be chasing or to be desperate.. Don't do it..... In your heart of hearts you want to be chased so let the guy chase you.. and give this up to God. Let God be your number 1 ( I haven't truly practiced this ) and pray to God that He iwll put the right guy in your life and DO NOT do the chasing. Let go of it girl!!!!!!!!

    Wait for the right guy who will chase you, admire and love you and give you his all... Do not wait or chase a guy who barely gives you anything or what you deserve. Bye :D
    Sarah
    I'm not pursuing
    on Thursday, November 17, 2011 at 4:02 pm
    Hi,
    My mom sister and i are doing this book by Grace Dove called The Secrets About Guys.It is Christian book. It is also very good:) She is a guy expert (Grace Dove). She grew up with 5 brothers and no sisters and is rasing 3 or 4 sons no daughers. In the book she said that the guys like doing the chasing because it makes them feel like conquerors. Conquerors in a good way.! So i think the guy should chase the girl not the other way around. I hope i didn't say anything to make you all mad at me. I'm trying to trust God to bring Mr. Right in my life. Besides it makes a girl feel special when a guy does the chasing!:=) Not to mention honored!!!
    Love in Christ
    Sarah
    Kiki
    Why make a big deal about who is pursuing who
    on Monday, November 21, 2011 at 5:58 pm
    I never saw pursuing the guy as a problem. I rather pursue the guy to spend the rest of my life with him than wait for some one who I may like to pursue me. I have a boyfriend who I am very happy with. He is also extremely happy with me. We have been dating for more than a year. He liked me when I met him but I was the one who initiated our relation. Another guy was interested in me around the same time that I pursued my boy friend. I was being pursued by some one I did not like nor was my type. And I gave him hints to back off. Now I got what I want and I cannot ask for more.

    I see the same problems with dancing. Many girls dance only with the guys who ask them to dance, hence, they don't get to dance with the ones they wanted to. I always enjoy dancing because I don't wait like a wall flower and I get to choose who to dance with.

    I wonder why when guys pursue it's considered normal but when girls pursue it means that they are throwing themselves at guys.
    Kevin
    Re:
    on Wednesday, November 30, 2011 at 9:46 pm
    OK I'm totally not a Christian (I'm agnostic) and I totally stumbled across this site. Full disclosure: I'm a straight guy who was raised by conservative parents but I also happen to like cross-dressing. For what it's worth, here's my advice: Life is far too short to wait for someone to ask you to dance. Sometimes YOU, man or woman, have to set things in motion. I don't see why God or anyone/anything else should dictate how you find a loving, supportive, kind partner and a healthy, fulfilling relationship.
    Sarah, with the LYWB team
    Kevin...
    on Saturday, December 3, 2011 at 7:18 pm
    When you say “I don’t see why God or anyone/anything else should dictate…” I just want to remind you that God is the Creator and Sustainer of Life and made us to be in relationship. Therefore, He gets to make the rules! That’s why God gets to dictate.

    He is a great God, Kevin. I pray you come to know HIm through Christ! It is an abundant life!
    Anonymous
    So I messed up my chance?
    on Thursday, June 7, 2012 at 2:09 pm
    I kind of need to study right now for an French oral exam tomorrow, but this is just so inspiring! I will keep this short nevertheless...

    I feel attracted to a boy in my church, he is one of my closer friend's brother. The thing is, he is really shy, so I've tried to make contact a couple of times. I asked him if he'd like to get a smoothie with me once, he said okay but we never actually went. So far we haven't had any real conversations, the story is a bit longer but i'll spare you on the details. The thing is, I'm not trying to 'get together'. I just want to get to know him, that's all! But because he's so shy, I don't think he'll approach me anytime soon. So here's my question, have I now messed up all chances of becoming his friend and maybe someday more by 'initiating'?

    Please reply Erin! (or others, too)

    And I'd like to add a big thank you for this blog, I've recently found it and still have so many questions!

    Be blessed,
    A
    Liz
    Hmmmm
    on Friday, June 8, 2012 at 8:51 am
    Erin,
    I agree, but where does this start and where does this stop? I mean, I am friends with the guy I like. We talk, and I don't think he is interested in me, but I will initiate a conversation with him, like ask a question after church, and we will talk about it. He seems fine with it. I wouldn't ask a guy out, but I might encourage him....not sexually, but you know. Kind of let him know I like him. I dunno. I might friend him on Facebook. I really don't think he would care. He enjoys talking to me about stuff. I have friended TONS of guys of FB who I didn't like, and we are just friends and they don't make some big deal about it. How does that sound?
    Carrie, with the LYWB team
    Re: So I messed up my chance?
    on Monday, June 11, 2012 at 4:07 pm
    We’re so glad you’ve joined us here on the LYWB Blog, friend!

    It’s never too late to ask the Lord how you can encourage and bless the life of a friend, Anonymous. Trusting the Lord for your future mate removes much of the pressure and fears associated with guy/girl friendships. Because you don’t have to fear if you’ll miss the one the Lord has for you, you can focus on ways to encourage even your guy friends to have a closer walk with Jesus.

    You’ll find additional insights from Erin and Paula on friendships with guys in these posts
    • How do I interact with guys just as friends? http://www.liesyoungwomenbelieve.com/index.php?id=676.

    • Why I won’t pursue a guy (http://www.liesyoungwomenbelieve.com/index.php?id=672)
    Lorree, with the LYWB team
    Liz
    on Monday, June 11, 2012 at 5:36 pm
    There is a difference, Liz, between having guy friends and pursuing a guy because you like him. (http://www.liesyoungwomenbelieve.com/index.php?id=323). Where does it start and where does it end? When we take the initiative and pursue a guy, we are stepping into the role that God intended for the guy. When a guy sees that we will do the work of the pursuing, it can lead them to become passive in the relationship. When we allow them to take the first steps and be the pursuer that God intended them to be, it encourages the continuance of that activity throughout the relationship we have with them.

    Praying for you and asking God help you see the relationships you have with guys through His eyes.
    Liz
    I get it.
    on Tuesday, June 12, 2012 at 3:25 pm
    I know, I would never try to initiate or start a relationship, but I mean, I am just friends with him (even though I do like him.)
    Anonymous
    Thank you!
    on Saturday, June 16, 2012 at 9:12 am
    Thank you, Carrie!

    I think I've got a better understanding of it now, those posts are great (I'd already read the 'why I won't pursue a guy' one).

    Initially, I meant the question as in: he already knows I like him (I think, at least his mum, dad and sister does), so is the chance to become friends first now gone? Because I'd love to just be friends with any guy before 'going out', I'm not really into dating at all! But even though you didn't answer this directly, I'm glad you highlighted the friend part, and I think that's what God is telling me. I'm just curious how to go about this, as he's very shy. His sister said he needs guidance in his relationship with God, but he doesn't have many close friends from church. I guess that now my question is: how do you become friends with a shy person who doesn't often participate in the church's youth events? And how would I know that God even wants me to befriend him?

    Love,
    A
    Carrie, with the LYWB team
    Re: Thank You!
    on Monday, June 18, 2012 at 4:07 pm
    Rather than connecting one-on-one with your friend’s brother, consider inviting him to join you and a group of friends when you’re planning to be together. Looking for ways you and your friends can focus on serving/reaching out to others is a great way to minister and to draw out those who may be struggling with shyness.

    Here’s another great post from Erin on being friends with guys (http://www.liesyoungwomenbelieve.com/index.php?id=728).

    Blessings to you, friend ~
    Carrie
    Liz
    OK...
    on Sunday, June 24, 2012 at 7:58 pm
    I am confused...I just want to be friends with this guy I like, and talk to him, and stuff. I would never ask him on a date.
    I was recently on vacation with his family, and since I read this post, I was like "OK, I will be quiet and let him come to me", but instead I appeared cold and not friendly and he didn't talk to me at all! I am not asking can I ask him out, but is it that big of a deal if I send a friend request and start conversations with him? He doesn't like me, and he is my bbf's cousin, and I just want to be FRIENDS...!? I don't want to start any relationship other than friends in Christ! Is that OK?
    Anonymous
    Re:
    on Monday, June 25, 2012 at 5:27 am
    Lisa, I could not have said it any better myself. Thank you. As much as I see the value in wanting men who are leaders, I really am not seeing any kind of doctrine on women not being initiators in relationships. I honestly think that there may be preferences for certain people, but to say that it is biblical for women not to initiate at all is really bending the words to our will. Who's to say that making a move is really not of God? Didn't Ruth wait on Boaz and initiate their marriage (Ruth 3)? I feel as though this generalization on not being the pursuer is really taking it a little too far. If you'd rather be pursued, no problem. And if you want to make a move yourself, I really don't see the problem in that either.
    Lorree, with the LYWB team
    Liz
    on Monday, June 25, 2012 at 5:14 pm
    I think it is very important that you check your heart motive. You have said you like this guy but that you also just want to be friends. That seems to be saying two different things, Liz. It’s important that you check your heart motive. Check out Erin’s blog: http://www.liesyoungwomenbelieve.com/index.php?id=728.

    As you check your motivation, ask yourself if you want to be his friend on Facebook or start a conversation to pursue him with a relationship in mind or simply to be the friend of a fellow brother in Christ? Friendships between guys and girls are different than between girls and girls. I encourage you to read through the blog above and the ones linked within it.

    Think and pray through this decision. You can trust God to faithfully lead you in the way He wants you to go. As you are praying, I also encourage you to surrender your future and relationships to the Lord and let Him lead in this area. When He thinks you are ready and able to have a boyfriend, you can trust that He will direct a guy to pursue you at the proper time.
    Liz
    Sorry, I am vague...
    on Saturday, July 7, 2012 at 11:11 am
    Yes, I want to be a sister in Christ to him. I have known him for a while, and just started to like him a little. I don't want to start a relationship, he is a great Christian and a fun guy and EVERYONE is friends with him. I was just asking if that was wrong. I will pray about it and stop bugging you. Thanks for answering!
    Yun Li
    Sorry, bit late, but..
    on Wednesday, December 5, 2012 at 11:42 am
    I was just going through the blogs, and I chanced upon this particular discussion. I was a bit intrigued, truth be told... Does this mean that even when you are sorta going out with a guy, you should always let him look for you and seek for your time? Or does it mean we should let guys initiate the relationship but after that we can also actively look for him to further promote our relationship? I mean, you can't let the guys do ALL the work, right? It'd be hard to keep a relationship if you enjoyed all the fruits while he did all the hard work...
    Lorree, with the LYWB team
    @ Yun Li
    on Thursday, December 6, 2012 at 5:04 pm
    Thanks for asking your questions, Yun Li! God created men to be the initiator of relationship. God created woman to be the responder. Man pursues. Woman responds. He is the one to make the first move. It is all part of the way God created him to be the leader. The guy continues to initiate throughout the relationship and into marriage. That doesn’t mean that after we are in a relationship we can’t share our ideas or let him know what we would like to do or where we would like to go. They appreciate that input from us. But for us to be the one to ask a guy out or to let him know we like him first or pursue him in any other way is outside the realm of God’s plan for relationships.

    Check out Paula’s great blogs on this topic!
    • Why I Won’t Pursue a Guy (part 1): http://www.liesyoungwomenbelieve.com/index.php?id=672
    • Why I Won’t Pursue a Guy (part 2): http://www.liesyoungwomenbelieve.com/index.php?id=672
    • Why I Won’t Pursue a Guy (part 3): http://www.liesyoungwomenbelieve.com/index.php?id=677

    God’s ways are always best, Yun Li, even when we want to do differently. I’m praying for you!
    Yun Li
    Thanks!
    on Saturday, December 8, 2012 at 11:53 am
    Thanks for the answer, Lorree! And also, thanks for answering at the "How Far is Too Far" blog! :)
    girl
    agreed but confused
    on Monday, December 10, 2012 at 9:31 pm
    I definitely agree that guys should be the pursuers! Even I personally, want only a real man for my husband.

    However, when a girl finds a kind, courteous, and godly guy whom she likes and would be interested in dating, is it okay for her to initiate a conversation with him now and then? She should never be too pushy, "throwing herself at guys." I agree, that's disgusting. Yet, I think that it would be inconsiderate for a guy to chase a girl who seems like she may not be too interested in him. I mean, shouldn't girls show some level of interest beyond mere politeness, if they really like a guy? Else he might not do much???

    I'm a little confused here, especially about how I personally should approach these things. And what guys should be like when they're interested in a girl!

    What do you think Erin? Also, if there are any guys reading this, it would be awesome to hear your input, please!

    Thanks :)
    R.R.
    NO. THIS IS SICKENINGLY WRONG.
    on Friday, January 18, 2013 at 12:01 am
    Where. Do I. Begin.
    "Is it wrong to talk to a guy if I like him?" and "Is it bad if I asked a guy to coffee?" and "Is my relationship going to fail because I took initiative?" are irrelevant questions because this is NOT an issue of moral right and wrong. It just isn't. Every relationship, every man, every woman, every human being is different, and these biblical "rules" cannot just be blatantly slapped on every situation in our lives. When the NT was written, it was written in a culture that was entirely different than ours! Things are not the same now. We cannot just ignore the way our world is now and the things that are happening in it for the sake of being "right" or "biblical."
    FOR INSTANCE, RAPE CULTURE. I didn't even know what this was until this year, which is sad, because I'm 19 years old, and this is my gender, my culture, the world I'm inheriting. Try looking up some statistics about rape in this country. Like the fact that 57% of sexual assaults are not reported. And the fact that 97% of rapists never spend a single day in jail. I know this seems like a tangent, but it IS related, because while rape is an extremely complex issue influenced by numerous factors, some of its roots are found in the doctrines that Christians preach. Guys were "created to be the leaders"? Women are "supposed to submit"? I know that this is what Paul says on the surface, and I'm not going to get into the biblical exegesis and whatnot now. I don't actually care very much if this is "biblically accurate." The reality in this country in the 21st century is that we live in a culture where men have the power to rape hundreds of thousands of women a year and get away with it. That is sick. That is wrong. And yet the church is teaching their girls to submit to men, to let them lead, to "encourage them to be leaders"?!?!??? I don't CARE if you all believe men are "supposed" to be like Christ and "lead" the church 100% of the time. Look at what's happening around you. Girls are growing up thinking they are biblically, naturally inferior to men. Thinking that if they get raped, it was their fault for "dressing immodestly." Teaching girls to be submissive is teaching girls to accept it when men assert power using violence and abuse. Call me crazy. Call me an extremist. Or call me a feminist, and I will thank you for that. I am sick of being slighted by what the church believes is biblical. I don't care what the Bible appears to say about women. I care that women no different than me are getting raped on a minute-by-minute basis. That makes me sick. I'd rather talk about how many girls are getting raped and how we can get men to stop treating us like dirt than try and determine whether or not asking a boy to coffee is going to chuck me in hell.
    Sarah, with the LYWB team
    @R.R.
    on Saturday, January 19, 2013 at 11:30 pm
    We believe the Word of God is true/relevant for every age, every culture. "Your Word, O Lord, is forever; it is settled [firmly fixed, established] in Heaven." (Ps. 119:89)

    Truth from God's Word always brings blessing and order. It doesn't make girls inferior to guys, they just have different roles. Certainly abuses come from those who distort the truth. We agree with you; that is wrong.
    Lizard
    ugggggg
    on Saturday, March 8, 2014 at 11:37 pm
    Yun Li, you thought you were late. I went through and read all of the comments and they were all really good... (though for some I though I was listening to a debate team.) I am only 13 and I still know what you guys are talking about... on some of the blog entries I almost feel to young to be reading but on this one I felt right at home. I am not a people person, so I don't get along with most people I interact with. Sometimes I try to conversate with a guy, and they just look at me like I'm crazy... the couple of guys I have managed to get along with, end up just slowly pulling away. I don't pursue guys for the boyfriend part (my mom would kill me) but I still want some guy friends.
    I can read all of the blogs and book I want about making a guy friend and it doesn't seam to help.
    There is this one guy at school that I really want to be friends with, we were friends for a while, but that was when we had all of the same classes just because we were little... He liked me then, but two years later we are not as close and it has gotten a little more complicated. I don't want to pursue him, like some girls that I know do but I do like him, "im young" yeah yeah, I just want to be friends, for now...but he liked me at one point and rumor is he still likes me, but I can't tell if he won't talk to me... the only thing we can have a real conversation about is math...
    I don't know what to do, I need help!!!!!
    Carrie, with the LYWB team
    @Lizard
    on Monday, March 10, 2014 at 12:23 pm
    We’re glad you’re here on the LYWB Blog! Our desire is that what you read here will encourage you to grow in your walk with Jesus, Lizard.

    As far as your friend is concerned, would you be willing to step back and simply pray for the Lord to bless him? You could pray that he will grow in understanding who Jesus is and will surrender his life to follow Him. You could ask the Lord to surround him with godly older men and peers who will spur him on in his faith.

    As you pray, Lizard, you’ll find your thinking will change. You’ll increasingly be focused on what Jesus wants FOR your friend and not what you desire FROM him.

    Praying for you today, friend!
    Carrie

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