Take an honest assessment of your own behavior. Would you fit in well with the women of Zion? Do you use clothing, body language and attitude to draw attention to yourself and your femininity?"/>

Are You A Flirt?

posted by Erin Davis on 06/30/10 | Twitter: @ErinGraffiti
Category: Guys; ; 145 comments

A reader recently asked me to define flirting. “Easy!” I thought. But then I sat down to write and the words just wouldn’t flow. At first I thought I’d say that flirting was anything that causes the opposite sex to pay attention to you. But, I realized that’s not exactly right. You could be an ace basketball star, a talented singer or just a super fun girl. That might cause fellas to look your way, but it wouldn’t mean you were flirting. Then I thought I should write that flirting is tied to the way that we dress, but then I thought of some girls I know who dress very modestly but still manage to flirt. So…that isn’t it either. I thought about launching a discussion on body language, but honestly it’s too hard to come up with hard and fast rules in that area (like is it okay to hug your friends or just your dad and brothers?) So, I ditched that plan. 

I was stumped. 

Until I came across a group of gals who know a thing or two about how to flirt. Check it out. 

“ The Lord says, ‘The women of Zion are haughty, walking along with outstretched necks, flirting with their eyes, tripping along with mincing steps, with ornaments on their ankles” (Isaiah 3:16)

The wording of this text is a little old school. Let’s see what we can glean from a different translation. 

“God says, ‘Zion women are stuck-up, prancing around in their high heels, making eyes at all the men in the street, swinging their hips, tossing their hair, gaudy and garish in cheap jewelry’” (The Message).

According to this passage here are some of the markers of a flirt:

  1. She is haughty (vain)
  2. She uses her body language to draw attention to herself
  3. She highlights her feminine attributes (such as hips and hair)
  4. Her clothing is showy

Why are the women of Zion mentioned in the Bible? Pay attention to how God reacts to them.

“ Therefore the Lord will bring sores on the heads of the women of Zion; the Lord will make their scalps bald” (vs.17)

This passage goes on to describe how God takes away everything the women of Zion used to stir up the interest of the men around them. 

I think the women of Zion are a great cautionary tale for us. The world tells us that flirting us harmless fun but God clearly takes a different stance. 

When seeking to please God, we shouldn’t act vain around guys and we should be careful not to intentionally turn heads. 

I can’t add anything to the text here, but I was wondering if you’d let me add my two cents? I think if the Women of Zion lived among us, their use of technology might also be mentioned. They’d be the gals whose Facebook profile picture screams “Look at ME!,” Their text message content would indicate that they were romantically interested in the recipient (even if they weren’t). They might also be found making jokes or discussing topics that hint at sexual content without filling in all the details. 

I know your hearts, girls. I’ve read enough of your comments to know that you value purity and desire to please God by the way that you interact with guys. I love that about you. I think that’s why you asked me to define flirting. With that in mind I want to encourage you that flirting is rarely something we do on accident. It isn’t like stumbling into a patch of poison ivy. More than likely it is a path you will choose to walk down. 

Take an honest assessment of your own behavior. Would you fit in well with the women of Zion? Do you use clothing, body language and attitude to draw attention to yourself and your femininity? If so, use their story as inspiration to change. Then, let’s see what gets written about the women of LYWB.com.

Comments

HEY, GIRLS! We love hearing from you, but feel limited in the ways we can help. For one thing, we’re not trained counselors. If you’re seeking counsel, we encourage you to talk to your pastor or a godly woman in your life as they’ll know more details and can provide you with ongoing accountability and help. Also, the following comments do not necessarily reflect the views of Revive Our Hearts. We reserve the right to remove comments which might be unhelpful, unsuitable, or inappropriate.

    calli<3sbuckwheatsomuch!!!
    Re:
    on Wednesday, June 30, 2010 at 9:23 am
    i think i am a flirt but not like it describes there...
    Mim
    Re:
    on Wednesday, June 30, 2010 at 9:35 am
    Thank you so much for this post! I have been having serious questions about flirting for a long time now and this really helped me.
    Sarah
    Thank You!
    on Wednesday, June 30, 2010 at 9:44 am
    Erin-Thank You so much! It's hard to say no to flirting and usually =( I do it. Even with my really good guy friends. Sometimes, I don't even relize I'm doing it. Please pray for me to learn how to control my flirting. Thank you.
    Emily
    Thanks!
    on Wednesday, June 30, 2010 at 10:33 am
    Wow, very challenging. I have definetly found myself doing some of the same things that the women of Zion did. I wouldn't have called what I did outright flirting, but it was there all the same. Thanks for this post. It encouraged me to pay more attention to the way I act around guys.
    Rachel
    Flirting
    on Wednesday, June 30, 2010 at 11:02 am
    I would actually like to disagree in some sense. Girls don't know that they are flirting. Especially non-Christians.
    And I'd like to add the guys flirt too.From what I've seen in Middle school and High school mostly it's the guys that start the flirting.
    Just an ordinary girl
    Help!!!
    on Wednesday, June 30, 2010 at 11:15 am
    We're all humans, so that means we have worldly desires, which means everyone of us, every now and then, "flirts". But what is this thing we call "flirting"? Here are some examples- 1.When texting a guy u like saying that u r good and he asks y, telling him that ur good cuz ur texting him.
    2.When texting guy number two that u like and saying the same thing.
    I actually almost did that once. But somehow i knew that it was flirting which ive never done before, so i stopped. Us girls dont need to flirt to get guys attention; we need to wait for the guy that God sent us. Flirting shows our worldly desires and could end up getting us harmed or broken-hearted, and thats y we will wait for God instead of waiting for the right one. God will send us the right one if we pay attention to him. So now i need ur guys help. When ur life feels like a bad cit-com, what do u do? Im torn in between two boys and i need ur advice now. Please pray and post. I will be praying to God for advice also, and will let u know what God has spoken to me again.
    -Just an ordinary girl
    LydiaRuth
    Hey
    on Wednesday, June 30, 2010 at 11:18 am
    I just finished LYWB and I thought it was GREAT! I finally decided to check out LYWB.com and I am excited after reading the blog! I have to thank LYWB the book helped me get my life back on tract for God. Also, I know exactly what you mean when you say we can dress modest and still be a flirt thats how most the girls(and guys) in our youth group are. I hope I am never like that.
    Confused Christian
    Ohhhhhkay....?
    on Wednesday, June 30, 2010 at 11:59 am
    Okay I don't mean for this to sound rude, I really don't, I'm just honestly curious: I'm only 13, and none of the boys at my school really like me for a girlfriend, at least not any that I find attractive or like back. But I'm wondering: if a girl who is, let's say, 16 or 17 or so likes a guy and wants to go out with him (and before anyone tries to object already, we'll say he's a good Christian guy just so everyone's happy), what exactly is she suppose to do if she can't flirt? If talking to him or hinting that she likes him is considered "flirting" and flirting is considered wrong, how is she suppose to get a date with this guy? I don't know if any of that sounded rude but I'm kinda just.... I don't even know. I'm just wondering.
    cowgirl
    amen
    on Wednesday, June 30, 2010 at 12:27 pm
    Wow, this is so weird that u should write about this topic just now! My mom and I were just recently discussing this. It is quite a challenge not to flirt. Often enough i never even know that i am. But, thank God, i have a strong Christian brother who loves me enough to tell me what affects guys in ways that we have no idea. He says one of the biggest things is the way we look at guys! Like how or when we smile at them, they might, and often enough do, believe it to be inviting. This is really an eye opener, because i always smile at everybody! My brother says we often should be even slightly cold to a boy so they never get the wrong impression. not rude or mean, but definitely not to go out of way to be nice. Thank God for my brother, i would have never know any of this! Hope this helps.
    Caty
    Flirting.
    on Wednesday, June 30, 2010 at 12:35 pm
    I would not consider myself a flirty, overly-friendly type person but occasionally I have to admit it feels good to get the attention from certain guys. We as Christian teen girls need to be careful to not be a stumbling block to our fellow Christian brothers. I know it can be a struggle but if we examine ourselves in light of God's word and ask God to give us pure motives then we overcome the desire to flirt and gain attention from guys around us. God Bless <><
    cowgirl
    flirting
    on Wednesday, June 30, 2010 at 1:37 pm
    by the way, my brother also sed that eye contact is huge! and to avoiid making eye contact as much as possible. very hard to do. especially if he is cute! :)
    Morgan
    confused....
    on Wednesday, June 30, 2010 at 2:46 pm
    i think i mite b an accidental flirt. sometimes i like 2 dress pretty and look nice when i go 2 school. i'll get looks from the boys and people stare at me sometimes, but i used 2 think that people thought i looked funny when i dress up. then one of the boys commented on my outfit. i knda like the attention though. i kno its wrong, but i cant help it sometimes.
    tiffany
    guilty
    on Wednesday, June 30, 2010 at 2:56 pm
    okay so that is so me i flirt soo much and its become a habit. I just don't know how to stop every time i dont flirt guys flirt with me and then i just go with the flow. My friends have stopped talking to me since i became like this and so now i hang with preps and jocks its really fun but its just not me how do i stop.
    Natalie #2
    OUCH.
    on Wednesday, June 30, 2010 at 3:15 pm
    I'm a really, social, outgoing person! I have lots of friends, both girls and guys, and I know I laugh and joke a lot...

    I've been told bya few girls (never a guy)that I'm a terrible flirt, but NEVER do I try to be! I don't think that it's flirting if you're trying hard to be pure at the same time.

    What if you're just a friendly, giggly person?

    I really think that flirting is all in your motives.
    steph
    Re:
    on Wednesday, June 30, 2010 at 4:18 pm
    "Do you use clothing, body language and attitude to draw attention to yourself and your femininity?"

    That's a good way to describe flirting.
    You said that flirting isn't really something you accidentally do. You choose to do it.
    I agree. However there are some situations I think in which girls are flirting but they really do not realize they are. For example, I have two friends who are extremely "friendly" with guys (to everyone and their mother they look like they're flirting. bigtime) but they honestly do not understand what they are doing.

    I kind of equate it to dressing immodestly and having no idea how they're affecting the guys around them. They honestly don't until they're told.

    Anyways I guess what I'm saying is we need to evaluate our behavior and make sure even what we think is just friendliness is not actually flirting. We can be blinded. We can think we're just making conversation when we're actually gossipping. Similarly we can be just talking to a guy friend and actually be flirting shamelessly.
    Cassie
    IDK
    on Wednesday, June 30, 2010 at 4:22 pm
    I have a question that is really bothering me latley. Is a friendly hug to a boy my age (14) flirtatious? I am so confused about this!!!! :(
    Doria
    Flirting
    on Wednesday, June 30, 2010 at 5:30 pm
    I can't believe this came up at such a perfect time. I love that verse, Isaiah 3:16.
    We have a Purity Class in church for Middle School girls, and I think that would be a perfect verse to share. I think almost everyone falls into that temptation from time to time...
    chloe
    hmmmm......
    on Wednesday, June 30, 2010 at 5:39 pm
    i completely agree with this article erin! but i have a couple of questions...just because we shouldn't flirt with boys does that mean that we shouldn't have boyfriends? I think that in another post you mentioned that we don't need to date, if i recall correctly. Also, i was wondering if it's okay to be good friends with guys? like best friends. i'm wondering if this might be harmful because if you're best friends with a guy you are obviously happy being around him and close to him. so is it wrong to be best friends with guys? and is it okay to have boyfriends if we don't take it too far or get too obessed with flirting? i would appreciate it if you would comment back. thank you so much for posting this erin!!!!!
    Miss Anonymous
    Flirting
    on Wednesday, June 30, 2010 at 5:53 pm
    I am definitely not a flirt... i treat my guy friends just like my gal friends. But sometimes I just play around with guys. Is that flirting?
    haley
    flirting
    on Wednesday, June 30, 2010 at 6:05 pm
    im thinking the same thing as confused christian; how can you tell a guy you like him and ask him out without flirting? plz help!!!
    Amber
    WOW!
    on Wednesday, June 30, 2010 at 6:08 pm
    Wow! i had never really thought of myself as a flirt until now! =(
    I can't say that i have ever "tried" to flirt on purpose. But, i guess it is just natural for girls (esp. out going, non-shy girls) I guess that is my problem. I like to talk to guys, but i don't mean to flirt, i just think of it as talking getting to know a guy, being nice ect. Anyone have any advice for me? how do i talk to guys with out coming across as a flirt? or should i not talk to guys?
    Andrea
    Re:
    on Wednesday, June 30, 2010 at 6:09 pm
    but what if someone struggles with exactly the opposite thing? I mean, like being stuckup toward guys cuz they think that all guys are bad cuz their dad isn't very nice...

    just wondering...
    Allison
    Kind of off topic...
    on Wednesday, June 30, 2010 at 7:03 pm
    Sorry that this is so off-topic, but here goes... I have been reading LYWB along with the companion guide, and I absolutely LOVE IT. It's creating so much change in my life, and I've been discussing things with my mom too. I feel closer to God than I ever have. We have a youth group at my church, but there are only two girls besides me who are old enough to go through this book, and I'm really wanting to do a group discussion on it. I talked to my mom about it, and she said she'd consider running a study of LYWB, and I texted some of my friends who don't go to church with me, and some are really interested! So, I'm wondering... do you guys have any advice for starting up this group? Are there any online things that we can use as part of the study along with the books? Thanks so much!
    Karla
    Thanks
    on Wednesday, June 30, 2010 at 7:23 pm
    Great post, Erin! I am so glad you wrote this. It was really helpful and informative, and it came at the right time.
    Cool girl
    I think I get it
    on Wednesday, June 30, 2010 at 7:29 pm
    I think I get it but what if a girl wears something like a supper low v neck around the house then has to go to the store or something and it shows of some stuff is she still a flirt?
    Aisha
    Re:
    on Wednesday, June 30, 2010 at 11:33 pm
    I know I am a bit of a flirt. I often know when I'm doing it, I often do it deliberately, and I've been realizing that a lot of the things I do are to draw attention, even when I don't mean to.
    The thing is, I want to draw the right attention. I'm open and friendly to most everyone, guys and girls alike, though, I admit, when the guy is good-looking, or is open and friendly back, it's easier to get a little more carried away and flirtatious.
    How am I supposed to act? I'm not going to close up and be a mum little prude who doesn't talk to guys. I know I'm tolerable to look at, I know guys like to talk to me, I know they like my personality. I want them to. I don't want them to think, however, that I'm inviting them in, or am willing to give more than just plain comradeship. I have a smile for everyone, and I want them to smile back. Walking down the street with my girl friends I'm not going to look at the ground every time a guy passes by. Then everyone will think I'm just scared, and I don't think it's right anyways. I want to shine! I want to let people know that I'm happy, that I've got something good that's worth having. And I'm not talking about my body, I'm talking about Christ. I want Him to shine through me, which must mean brightness and joy. But if that's taken for flirting? What am I to do?
    Cowgal
    Suggestion for Confused Christian
    on Thursday, July 1, 2010 at 12:05 am
    If he is a good Christian guy and honestly wants to pursue you and if that's Gods will then you don't need to flirt. If its Gods will then that guy will come into your life again. Also he will pursue what he sees in you that he doesn't see in other women.....purity! Hope this helps! :)
    Erin Davis
    Chloe
    on Thursday, July 1, 2010 at 7:31 am
    Check out these posts:

    http://www.liesyoungwomenbelieve.com/index.php?id=79

    http://www.liesyoungwomenbelieve.com/index.php?id=117

    http://www.liesyoungwomenbelieve.com/index.php?id=164

    http://www.liesyoungwomenbelieve.com/index.php?id=199

    I think they should help answer some of your questions.

    Thanks!

    Erin
    Erin Davis
    Cool girl
    on Thursday, July 1, 2010 at 7:35 am
    Why would there be a need to wear something super low neck around the house?

    Erin
    Abby
    Confused christian
    on Thursday, July 1, 2010 at 8:30 am
    It's OK to be friendly and intelligent- so long as you don't draw attention to your body or hint at sexuality. Flirting is not being yourself and looking pretty. You can also let a guy know that you like him by telling him after being good friends for a while. Hope this helps!
    Nicolette
    Re:
    on Thursday, July 1, 2010 at 10:40 am
    I also think that it's possible to flirt without necessarily showing off your femininity. I think teasing can be a big issue. you can be modest and all, but allot of girls use playful teasing to get a guy's attention. I think it's better to be respectful of the guys around us.
    majo
    confused!!!
    on Thursday, July 1, 2010 at 1:05 pm
    hi,i have a question!!!
    i´m very outgoing and friendly with everyone but i don´t like to flirt but my friends (not christians) say that i flirt everytime and they like that i do that(flirt)and now i´m that those friends that i have are not the kind of friends that i need because they make me flirt so I try to keep them away but dosen´t work what i can do with those friends???
    Anonymous
    Confused Christian
    on Thursday, July 1, 2010 at 1:55 pm
    Wouldn't it be much more romantic if the guy initiated the relationship, instead of you having to "hint"?
    Abbie
    :)
    on Thursday, July 1, 2010 at 2:48 pm
    okay, this comes to me as a relief. You see... I honestly have no desire to flirt with guys... (yeah, I like them, but that's not my personality) I just light to talk to them, and sometimes pick on them the way they pick on me. I treat them like I treat my brothers. I had been concerned that I could have been flirting, but according to this I'm not. Thanks!
    monica
    Re:
    on Thursday, July 1, 2010 at 3:34 pm
    Yeah, It's hard not to flirt and it not right for sure. How about if you flirt with a guy you're not interested in and then you're stuck with him. That's not very nice. I learnt my lesson:(
    Creeauna
    Cassie:)
    on Thursday, July 1, 2010 at 5:00 pm
    Hey Cassie i just wanted 2 let u no that its perfectly ok 2 hug ur guy friends.....i am 14 too and i hug my guy friends all the time.....its my way of saying hey hahaha:)its like giving somebody a high5.....look at it that way. Anyways.......i think that flirting cant b done unless ur purposely trying 2 get attention, if not then its not called flirting lol:)

    shout out 2 my girl nichole
    write me soon
    lov ya:)<3<3333333
    Battered & torn
    frustrated.
    on Thursday, July 1, 2010 at 5:19 pm
    I am so frustrated. Whenever I hang out with a guy my friends think im normal, but my mom always sees something different. she always thinks im flirting. always. it hurts me because i feel like she thinks im some big screw up. It's like if Im not hanging out with my dad, bro,or my two brother like best guy friends then she just "assumes" that i have to be flirting. i can never defend myself either. il say,"Mom,no. You don't understand. I was just telling him a joke and we were laughing. i wasn't flirting." she doesn't get me and doesn't care. I feel helpless. and i feel like i have to be someone i'm not to impress her.
    Gail
    Re:
    on Thursday, July 1, 2010 at 8:39 pm
    I've seen flirting carried out.You don't have to go anywhere special to see it.I think this is a great issue to tackle, thank you so much, Erin!
    Laura Beth
    good reminders
    on Thursday, July 1, 2010 at 11:13 pm
    Modesty is so much more than what we wear. It's the way we carry ourself. Flirting is really just selfishness surfacing as prideful expression that's all about attention. No grace about it.
    LydiaRuth
    Responding To Some Questions:Cassie,Chloe, and Haley and Confused Christian
    on Friday, July 2, 2010 at 12:42 am
    Hey,   I am just responding to a few questions and clarifying my earlier post. It said I hope I am never like that, but I meant I hope I never am like that again(inwhich I mean using my body to atract guys). I was boycrazy before I read LYWB.Cassie-     It depends on the boy. Like, one guy friend I could give a straight up hug and he would think nothing of it. On the other hand, my other guy friend would think I was pretty much asking him out. So...think of how the guy would take it. Most guys would be thinking about you breasts(excuse me for being blunt) all up against their body. That's why my friend and I only give guys side hugs.Chloe-    It isnt wrong to have a boyfriend, but it just has to be in the right season of life when you are ready to settle down and get married or else it usually doesnt turn out too good(like a break-up). Also, it is ok to be friends with guys. My best friend IS A GUY!!! We have been friends since we were 3( we are in ninth grade now). It is nothing more than friends and we both know that, he is like my brother. Although, like I said when answering Cassie it depends on the guy.Haley and Confused Christian-       There is no need to flirt if the guy really likes you, but you dont need to be stuck up either. If he wants to date you he will have to get to know you.   
    Angie
    Re: Are You A Flirt?
    on Friday, July 2, 2010 at 12:06 pm
    Well I have to say that I agree with this 90% but the other 10% doesn't agree, only because, it's not always that us girls know that we're flirting, sometimes it just happens, and I don't agree that we can really control it, like I said sometimes it just happens.
    But I do agree in the ways you've pointed out as flirting, but a quick question about the clothing thing, around where I live different cultures dress differently and some of them just naturally were low showy clothing. Is that wrong?
    But this was overall very helpful(:
    Sarah
    Sigh of RELIEF, wave of Guilty Conscience
    on Friday, July 2, 2010 at 12:56 pm
    PHEW. Guess I'm a bit more on the sanctification track than I thought. Flirting used to be a huge problem for me. I used it to gain attention because I didn't feel that my personality alone could gain it. I didn't find my value in God, so I looked for fulfillment through other people and as a result, gained a reputation as a flirt.
    By God's grace alone, I've been transformed; any good in my life is from Him and not from me, and I thank Him so so so much for that!
    Getting to know people, connecting with them on more than a "hi, how are ya" basis, is important to me. I'm really friendly, and don't hide my emotions from people--so if I'm happy to be with someone, they definitely know!
    What I'm worried about--here comes the "guilty consicence"--is that I am too friendly. I can't say I employ the tactics of the women of Zion any longer, but I am worried that I give too much of myself away even in conversations and friendships.
    This post has given me cause to think about my interactions with others: even if it's not a harmful action, is it an action done to the glory of God the Father??

    ...Thank you, LYWB team!! :D
    Cassie
    Thanks!
    on Saturday, July 3, 2010 at 11:48 am
    Thanks LydiaRuth and Creeauna, great advice, I see where both of you are coming from, DEFINITLY depends on the guy, and I could see it as a high 5 too! Thanks! God Bless :) :D =D Its so nice to have Christian sisters giving you good advice!
    Confused Christian
    Thank u for the replies + this post is... uh...
    on Sunday, July 4, 2010 at 8:50 pm
    Cowgal, Abby, Annonymous, & LydiaRuth - thank you guys for replying, but I do have a question for Abby: what do u mean by "looking pretty is flirting"? I don't think I'm that pretty, but I'll use someone who is for an example - you said that flirting is looking pretty... well if a person is naturally beautiful, are you saying that they're flirting?

    But I'd like to say something to the admin: I'm not really pretty and i'm not extremely skinny, and i don't exactly have 10 million friends so what is this guy suppose to ADMIRE about me???? And what exactly does "pursue me" mean? I looked up the word pursue, and one of the definitions was "chase." Are you saying that while the girl is suppose to sit there and do nothing and ignore the guy they love and be rude to him, the guy is suppose to CHASE the girl???? That sounds stalker-ish! And so basically what this whole post is saying is that the girl is suppose to be rude to the guy she likes? WHAT GUY IS GOING TO LIKE YOU IF YOU'RE A JERK TO HIM?! Especially in my case because I'm not fond of the way I look, face or weight, and I have a FEW friends so please explain to me what guy would like someone like THAT?

    I'd also like to say that in the more modernized translation of the Bible that u quoted a verse from, it says, “God says, ‘Zion women are stuck-up, prancing around in their high heels, making eyes at all the men in the street, swinging their hips, tossing their hair, gaudy and garish in cheap jewelry’" I do not believe that wearing jewelry is wrong, but I go to a Wesleyan Methodist church and the people there believe that it is. You didn't comment on it, but this verse seems to be saying that wearing jewelry is wrong ("garish in cheap jewelry"). Am I correct about what this verse is saying?
    Erin Davis
    Confused Christian
    on Sunday, July 4, 2010 at 10:02 pm
    I am definitely not advocating being a jerk to guys. There is a lot of wiggle room between being a jerk and being a flirt. It is possible to be nice to them without leading them on.

    As far as what you have to offer. Psalm 139:14 says, "I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well."
    God's Word says you were made fearfully and wonderfully and that God's works in you are wonderful. Now that's something worth offering.

    Finally, I think jewelry is great. I actually am a huge chunky jewelry fan (there's a store in my town called Dollar Jewelry Galore, that I adore!). I think jewelry is mentioned in this passage because the women of Zion used jewelry (along with a bunch of other things) to draw attention to themselves. There's nothing wrong with looking nice and loving fashion, just don't use it to flaunt your sexuality.

    Make sense?

    Erin
    Rachelle
    Cassie
    on Sunday, July 4, 2010 at 11:27 pm
    Hey I have been digging into my Bible and I just found a verse for you to help answer your question: 1 Cor. 7:1 Now concerning the things whereof you wrote unto me: It is good for a man not to touch a woman.
    Cassie
    To: Confused Christian
    on Sunday, July 4, 2010 at 11:39 pm
    I THINK YOUR BEAUTIFUL CONFUSED CHRISTIAN! Dont let your outer appearance discourage you, its whats on the inside that matters!
    Abby
    Confused Christian
    on Monday, July 5, 2010 at 5:31 am
    Hey girl! I think I came across wrong in my post. When I said 'flirting is not being yourself and looking pretty', I meant to say that being yourself and looking pretty is not flirting. Personally I think it's OK to wear make-up and dress nicely to make yourself look nice, so long as you're not trying to conceal yourself. From your last post, I noticed that you didn't seem to like a lot about yourself and I just want to tell you that God totally disagrees:
    'He will quiet you with his love, he will rejoice over you with singing' Zeph 3:17
    The all-powerful, incredible God who made you and rules over this universe, crafted you perfectly and is totally in love with you. Believe in yourself and the qualities God gave you. You should try writing a list of all the things you love about yourself. You mentioned in your post that you don't think that you are pretty, I think a lot of girls think that guys will only date them if look like they just stepped of the cover of vogue, but I know plenty of christian guys who will go for personality over looks, and isn't that the kind of guy you want to date anyway? For me, I know that I want to eventually date a guy who is passionate about God and strong in his faith, so I try to be the same. Hope this makes sense... :)
    Confused Christian
    thanxies:)
    on Monday, July 5, 2010 at 12:08 pm
    thank u Abby for explaining what u meant! i was definitely confused by what ur first post meant exactly but i understand now! thanks for clearing that up! & thank u for the verse u gave me, i'll try to think better of myself :)

    Cassie - awww thanks! :)

    Erin - thank u for the verse & for explaining. yes it makes since now :)
    Morgan
    I just don't know
    on Monday, July 5, 2010 at 12:38 pm
    I don't think i'm a flirt. actually i'm having trouble....I'm 14, No dating for me, just courting and not until 16 or 17....I know that I'm not supposed to kiss or anything like that, but is it okay that I like boys at this age? I'm a little nervous, like i....I just don't know. Anyone got any advise? I 'm afraid that if someone finds out that I like this guy, that I will get in trouble...or am I sinning?
    Andrea
    hold it!!
    on Monday, July 5, 2010 at 1:49 pm
    Ok alisha, i'm not offended, i KNOW you didn't mean to point your finger at me lol. but something you said ( ...i'm not going to close up and be a mum little prude who doesn't talk to guys...!!!) really jumped out at me. ok, so maybe i am... at least usually... unless guys talk to me first. People think i'm reserved, but i'm not. i'm just scared. and... i know this is horrible... i love being mean to guys. i just HATE them. they're horrid! and im NOT going get married, EVER!! i've had some bad experiences with guys that i wish to forget. all because they think i'm beautiful... uggh!!! Well if that's all they think about- NEVERMIND!!! i'm keeping my distance!!
    Confused Christian
    Oh btw to Abby
    on Tuesday, July 6, 2010 at 1:05 am
    as u said:

    "I know plenty of christian guys who will go for personality over looks, and isn't that the kind of guy you want to date anyway? For me, I know that I want to eventually date a guy who is passionate about God and strong in his faith, so I try to be the same."

    yes that is what i want :) & i want to date a guy who is passionate about God and strong in his faith too. i guess the problem is i don't really know any guys like that but then again - i'm only 13! so yeah, i have time! :) anyway, thank u so much for ur reply :)
    Andrea
    wait a minute!
    on Tuesday, July 6, 2010 at 11:12 am
    or maybe i don't know what a little prude is, lol:)
    Abby
    Andrea
    on Tuesday, July 6, 2010 at 1:53 pm
    Hi Andrea! It sounds like you have been hurt badly in the past by guys and I am so sorry if you have had bad experiences. I think (feel free to correct me if I am wrong :)) that your view of guys has been distorted by this. God loves men and women, guys and girls, all the same- we all have the same capacity to honor and worship God and he wants to bless us all. Some guys do only look skin deep, but trust me, not all guys are like this. I know lots of christian guys who encourage, inspire and out-do my expectations everyday. Sometimes it's hard to see but there are guys out there who try to pursue purity and goodness. They care about girls and hate to see us getting hurt by the media's portrayal of 'the perfect woman'. The other day, my sister and I were slobbing around watching 'America's Next Top Model' when my brother looked up from his homework long enough to say 'I hate this show- it encourages immodesty and just makes girls feel bad about themselves by showing stick thin girls. It's like they think that the way you look is the most important thing'... my sister and I were gobsmacked. But he was so right, and it proved to me that guys do care about us.
    Confused Christian
    Abby
    on Tuesday, July 6, 2010 at 2:40 pm
    I want to meet your brother! LOL! He sounds so nice and he DEFINITELY sounds smart! I was watching the marathon of all the America's Next Top Model season 13 back near the end of May or something, and I thought the girls were so gorgeous and everything but in the end of each episode, you know where they have all the contestants' pictures, then the picture of the person who was eliminated that episode disappears, i noticed how i could see some of those girls' hip bones wayyy too well, and i was like "whoa. i'd love to be skinny but that is actually kind of gross to be THAT skinny." your brother's right, that show DEFINITELY makes girls feel bad about themselves, yet it's so addicting to watch! ahhh! hehe :) well your brother sounds like a really cool guy! & i'm really glad that u come on here and help people! that's so nice of u! :)
    Rebhekka
    Wow there are alot of comments on here.
    on Wednesday, July 7, 2010 at 2:11 am
    Hey girls.......
    I have alot of guy friends that are just Christian guy friends. There is nothing wrong with that at all. I actually made a decision to only date true men of God. I recently came from a meeting in grapevine Texas and one of the speakers had a very important comment that I would like to share with you. He said to the ladies to never lower your standards to a boys standards. If you have to lower your standards than you aren't lowering them for a man. You are lowering them for a boy. I kinda think he has a point there. So I am trying my hardest to have no feelings for a guy (other than a friendly feeling). I am waiting for the right guy to come along and if I wait I know I won't be disappointed. I am trusting that God will bring a good man to me and he will to you too. =-D
    Traci
    Wow
    on Wednesday, July 7, 2010 at 4:03 am
    Wow, gals, there's some really great discussion on here! I love it!
    Here's my "two cents:"
    Right now, the biggest thing for us to worry about is seeking God with our WHOLE hearts and waiting for Him to bring the ONE right guy into our lives when the time is right! (Not when we think we're ready, but when God knows we're ready!!!)
    This is such a huge struggle for me, because I know some of the best Christian guys there are (;-P) but it is SO important - Proverbs 4:23, "Keep thy heart with all diligence: for out of it are the issues of life"!!! DON'T give your heart away to every guy that catches your attention!!! (Even if he is a superb Christian guy with all the right qualities and such... - SO hard!) I'll pray for all of you! (and I would sooo appreciate any prayers for me!!!)
    Traci
    P.S. :)
    on Wednesday, July 7, 2010 at 4:09 am
    BTW, Cowgirl, thanks for the info from your brother - especially about smiling and making eye contact, because I do that with EVERYONE and I DON'T want it to be taken the wrong way! My dad has told me to treat them like I treat my brothers, in that I'm not to shy away from them completely, but like it would be gross to flirt with my brothers, so think of it as being gross to flirt with my Christian brothers too! It's SO hard sometimes because everyone in my church (small church :P) is really big on teasing each other and sometimes I am afraid that it will be seen the wrong way when I start teasing, if not by the guy, then by someone else like his mom or sisters or someone like that... any suggestions from anyone???
    Abby
    Confused Christian and Traci
    on Wednesday, July 7, 2010 at 9:51 am
    Confused Christian- Thank you for your kind message. And I agree, my brother is totally awesome, and lucky for us, he is not the only guy who thinks that way! I'm really glad you decided to hold out for a great christian guy, and you're right, you have plenty of time, so don't worry if there are none around right now, God will provide for you when the time is right :) For now you should try praying for your christian brothers and the guys you know who haven't found Christ yet. I agree about America's next top model too, the girls are gorgeous, but I love chocolate waay to much to ever even bother trying to look like that!

    Traci- Hi girl! I like your Dad's advice, it's great because it doesn't suggest that we should be cold to guys. I don't think it would necessarily be wrong for you to tease your christian brothers, so long as you are not doing it to attract them. Also, try seeing it from their point of view, ask yourself- if they were teasing you in the same way, would you take it the wrong way? Or if a guy or girl was acting that way to a sibling of yours, then would you take it the wrong way? If the answer is yes to either of these questions, then maybe the friendly teasing has stepped over the line into flirting. Hope this helps!
    Hannah
    flirting
    on Wednesday, July 7, 2010 at 1:07 pm
    Thank you for this! I love how you defined flirting...or how God's word defines it and warns against it. I started reading Isaiah (I'm working my way through the Bible) and God showed me this passage. He reminded (once again, He is so faithful) me He is my First Love, and the only one (right now) I have to please (with my looks and what not) is Him and my daddy:) I thank my Lord everday for His "Crazy Love" (really good book by the way) that He lavishes on us!
    Andrea
    hey Abby
    on Wednesday, July 7, 2010 at 2:25 pm
    thanks for replying. maybe i was a bit dramatic. Like i've never been raped or anything.(maybe that's not good to put in here?:( ) you are right that my bad experiences with guys have really messed up my veiw of them. there are a few guys in our church who respect girls, but there are also plenty who don't. And its good to know that there ARE more nice guys out there, even though i always have a nagging feeling that they could be bad deep down inside. i know that's unfair, but its so hard to trust them sometimes. i always seem to attract the ones who don't respect girls. But i'm NOT immodest, don't get me wrong. Ok, laugh if you want, but i'm a conservative mennonite and i make my own dresses.
    And my dad has had a HUGE part in my wrong view of guys, too. But anyway, enough rambling. I love this blog and all of you who have written here!!!
    Abby
    Andrea
    on Thursday, July 8, 2010 at 10:50 am
    Hey girl! I'm glad you wrote back :) I understand how you feel about guys, and I know that sometimes it is hard to trust them, especially when we put our hearts into relationships with them and thy let us down, but I think it's important that we remember that they are sinners like us. I know plenty of amazing girlies and I am sure you do, for a start, all the girls who write on this blog are so great, of course, they sin and make mistakes, but it doesn't stop them from being lovely, kind and faithful children of God. I guess it's the same for guys, sometimes they make mistakes and do things that they don't mean, but it doesn't necessarily mean they are bad people, and anything is possible with God. I would like to encourage you to pray for the christian guys that you know that they would endeavor to become more Christ-like. I don't know what went on with your dad and I totally respect it if you don't want to say, but remember, that one person who has hurt you does not define every guy out there. I will be praying for you!
    By the way, I think it's awesome that you are a conservative mennonite and you make your own dresses!
    Princess
    Thank you
    on Thursday, July 8, 2010 at 3:01 pm
    Wow this is such a great post. I never knew that making eye contact with a guy frequently counted as flirting. I will admit that I'm a huge flirt so this post has made me really think about how wring flirting can be. Thanks Erin:)
    Andrea
    hey again!
    on Thursday, July 8, 2010 at 10:44 pm
    thanks abby! you have really encouraged me. You're awsome!!! I wish i could meet you someday:)
    Laney
    :)
    on Friday, July 9, 2010 at 1:39 pm
    WOW! Reading all these comments was great, im so glad yall truely desire to please God:)
    I'm a sophmore and i just despise flirting, but i do catch myself flirting sometimes.... my sinful desires. I know i shouldn't but sometimes you just get carried away with the flow! But thats no excuse to flirt:/ But im so glad God makes it clear in in the Bible that flirting is unhealthy for guys and and girls, because they give part of their hearts away when they have feelings for the opposite gender... its hard for me not to like a guy that is cute, and godly; but God is really showing me that i don't need to worry about my future and focuse on serving him and his kingdom for now:) since im in highschool:) THanks for the Post Erin!
    makenzie
    flirting
    on Friday, July 9, 2010 at 11:02 pm
    I am so guilty of flirting, I do it sometimes without even knowing that i do it. I mean yeah sometimes i do think a guy is really cute and i will flirt, but when i am trying to have some serious conversation with a guy alot of my friends will just asume that i am flirting. and it gets really annoying.
    Becca
    uh oh!
    on Sunday, July 11, 2010 at 8:38 pm
    I find myself flirting with guys I'm not even interested in. I feel really bad about it after the fact, but I love the attention! What can I do to help me stop?!
    superclumsy
    hmmmm
    on Monday, July 12, 2010 at 12:34 pm
    i think that flirting can be accidental. somtimes u just want 2 feel pretty and then when u get out on the streets u get all this attention.i also think it has 2 do with ur motives. its 1 thing 2 b accidental its another 2 b intentionall. idk.... i gess its food for thought. u feally have 2 kno yourself and ur own personal boundries
    Daddysgirl
    Flirt
    on Monday, July 12, 2010 at 1:22 pm
    I have this friend who is all about these things
    1.She is haughty (vain)
    2.She uses her body language to draw attention to herself
    3.She highlights her feminine attributes (such as hips and hair)
    4.Her clothing is showy.
    we are doing this bible study as a group and she does it last week she wore these really short shorts her mom was trying to fix them and everything but she got mad.she also thinks she SOOO HOT I get really upset when she says that.she hass changed she use to be nice and every thing shes changed big time.but I'm glad shes not changing me. what should I do???
    Hannah C.
    Hi :}
    on Tuesday, July 13, 2010 at 12:45 am
    Thanks so much Erin for this blog! It is so encouraging to me. All you girls have edifying comments.
    Thanks to all of you who are giving advice and helping people with questions. Especially Abby. Your bro sounds awesome.
    I wouldn't classify myself as a "flirt". I do flirt intentionally sometimes(Gasp!). I know it's bad. It's not like I get any attention for it either, so it's not even worth it.
    Thing is, probably about three years ago, my parents got serious about me(16) and my three sisters(19,14,and12) and my Mom wearing skirts. So now I can't even wear pants in public without it being a stumbling block for me to flirt! Strange ;}
    I don't know about the rest of you guys but for me, being modest is the hardest part about not flirting.
    I know how you feel Daddysgirl. One of my best friends thinks she's hot too. Her family is atheist; so now that she's 13,she has all her public school friends(my family homeschools), facebook, etc. to be around. Long story short, she doesn't hangout with us anymore.:(
    I don't know if I've been helpful, but just remember Phillipians 4:8.
    Love in Christ, HC
    Confused Christian
    Re: Daddysgirl
    on Tuesday, July 13, 2010 at 1:02 am
    Hey girl! I know some people who are like that, they use to be nice but then they changed. It's tough. What I'd suggest you do is 1. the most important thing: pray for her! ask God to help her realize that her new attitude and way of dressing are wrong. and 2. if you think you could do it without angering her, show her the verse Erin gave us, Isaiah 3:16. try to tell her something like "i'm not trying to be rude, i'm just trying to help you." Because we're all just human, her first reaction would probably be to be angry that you're telling her she is wrong about something, so you've gotta make sure she knows you are trying to be LOVING, not JUDGEMENTAL. Hope this helps and I will be praying for your friend! and for you, i know it's tough to get in these situations! luv ya and hope everything works out! :)
    Abby
    Andrea and Hannah C
    on Tuesday, July 13, 2010 at 11:53 am
    Andrea- I'm glad I could help! I wish I could meet you too!

    Daddy's girl- Hey girl! I know how you feel, sometimes it makes me mad when I see girls wearing immodest (in my opinion) clothes, especially when guys pay them loads of attention. However annoying it is, God calls us to love everyone and tells us not to judge anyone when we all sin. I always find myself judging other people when the sins that I commit could be listed forever. Remember that all sins are equal, so judging others and jealousy are just as bad as flirting and dressing immodestly. As this girls friend, you are not in a position to tell her how to dress, although if it comes up in conversation, you may like to mention how the way that we dress and act should honour God. You need to encourage her, to set an example- most of all, be her friend. Make sure that she knows that you are not her friend because of the way that she looks. Tell her that God doesn't love her because of her looks and good verses to give her are in psalm 139 and Zephaniah 3:17 :) You don't have to, but when I get mad at people, something that really helps is to write a list about all the things you love about your friends.
    Hope this helps!
    Abby
    Daddy's girl
    on Tuesday, July 13, 2010 at 3:22 pm
    Sorry my last comment was meant to be addressed to you instead of 'Hannah C'- my mistake :)
    Confused Christian
    Abby
    on Tuesday, July 13, 2010 at 10:11 pm
    sorry i didn't reply for a while, but i just wanted to say haha me too, i love chocolate a LOTTTT!! 8D hehe :)
    Michelle
    Hey girls!
    on Tuesday, July 13, 2010 at 11:25 pm
    I don't think that I'm a flirt, but this was an awesome post!! I do giggle a lot... sometimes... Not really to attract attention to myself but just because I'm hyper or something. Is that flirting? Love you guys! Wish I could meet you, though. =)
    Cowgal
    Beach boys
    on Wednesday, July 14, 2010 at 8:37 pm
    Hey guys I have a problem and need some advice,
    I'm actually on vacation in SC right now my home state is CA. We have been at the beach for the last 2 days and I have seen tons of young guys bare chested and I think hat their handsome and I wanna like talk to them. Now I know it talks about men lustin after women in the bible but can it be reversed and is that what I'm doing?
    Thanks for ur time! Plz give any suggestions u can!
    Traci
    Thanks!
    on Wednesday, July 14, 2010 at 11:26 pm
    Thanks, Abby - great advice! :) Especially the part about thinking how I would see it if they were teasing me - which they do all the time, and I don't think a thing about it! :)
    Traci
    Cowgal
    on Friday, July 16, 2010 at 12:52 am
    Hey, Cowgal! I would definitely say that girls can lust after guys... if I were to be completely honest I would have to admit that I have caught myself doing it a few times... I would say there's nothing wrong with talking to the guys, as long as you're talking to them just to be friendly, not because they're cute, which I know is so hard, but talking to someone only because they're good-looking would definitely (in my personal opinion) count as flirting! As humans we are automatically drawn to beauty (in this case, cute young men on the beach) but sometimes we have to learn to control that longing, in order to do what's right - am I making any sense at all? :-/ Anyways, on your vacation, try to forget about the cute boys and just enjoy every moment - use your spare time to draw nearer to God and make it the trip of a lifetime, one that you'll never forget! I'll be praying for you!!!
    LambofGrace
    ;)
    on Saturday, July 17, 2010 at 6:43 pm
    I'm so confused when it comes to text flirting because I know when i'm flirting in person but.......Is like typing this ;) to a guy flirting?Help!Also I have this guyfriend who think I like him but i totally dont!How do I make that clear to him?
    Hannah
    Re:
    on Monday, July 19, 2010 at 10:33 pm
    So if you like a guy and you just want to talk to him is that flirting?
    Anonymous
    Confused?
    on Sunday, July 25, 2010 at 1:22 pm
    Alright, so i never really thought of myself as a flirt.. but, i do like this one guy... and... i have given him a couple hugs in the past... but just casual friend hugs, nothing else.... would that be considered too flirty? I dont want to be too flirty, but i dont know where crossing the line is.. could somebody be of some assistance here? Like, what would you do if you did like a guy, but you're not too sure if he likes you, and you just dont want to show him that you like him in any over-the-top ways? When does it become too much?
    MiMI
    I just really wanted to share this
    on Thursday, July 29, 2010 at 1:11 am
    I wansn't really finding a blog marked "purity" so I guess I'll just share this on one as close to the mark as I could find. So much for rules. Sorry,


    The girls in the youth group I attend have a weekly Bible study and right now we're doing this book. I am very impressed. I love it and intend to use it as a sort of life guide :) but one thing really stuck out to me in the lies about guys chapter that I found during our group discussion. On page 91 of my book is the quote:

    "We're really into purity- my boyfriend and I. So we try to speak about it at events and stuff. We tell people that they can just do what we do. Just have oral sex."

    My first reaction was simply shock. Then disgust, then outrage. I couldn't (still can't) believe that this person thinks she is pure. After all, if it looks like sex, sounds like sex, and has the word sex in the name, it is probably sex... just a guess. And isn't purity abstinence from any sex? Not just sex but impure thoughts, language, images, and anything else in Playboy magazine. I stand for purity, all kinds of purity and thank God that there are books like this out there for young women to read that don't encourage the behavior that the above quote encourages. :)
    Kimberly Jo Dennis
    wow do I do that??
    on Wednesday, August 4, 2010 at 9:20 pm
    hi I am new here I am reading LYWB in my youth class at church.I am thinking about what u say about "flirting."I don't think I do that,but alot of boys pay attention to me anyway am I flirting?
    Andrea
    to kimberly
    on Thursday, August 5, 2010 at 12:00 pm
    i don't know. if you don't think you do that you probably don't? A lot of guys pay attention to me and i do NOT flirt.
    totally confused!
    Am I?
    on Monday, August 9, 2010 at 9:18 pm
    Ok. So it's just as easy for me to talk to guys as it is to talk to girls. So does that mean I'm a flirt. I had this really great guy-friend, at least I thought I did. We were in a couple classes together, and so we would talk and just have a good time. But, I could have a good time with a stick, so I figured he was just another one of my friends. I never thought I was flirty, but I had heard the comments from a good number of girls. It had never gotten to me really, because their opinion wasn't of great value or importance to me. But, when I found out that this guy friend thought I was flirt, and was telling people that, it got to me. And let's just say I didn't figure it out the best way. Now, I'm stuck with the question of "Am I a flirt, and should I confront him about it?" Is there a scripture I could turn to?
    g.r.i.t.s.
    flirt=")
    on Tuesday, August 10, 2010 at 12:54 am
    okk guilty as charged, yup i flirt. but i mean, i didnt really think of eye contact as flirting, just a way of communicatingi guess. ok, im the only girl above the age of 10 n my church, n the rest r guys,(as you can imagine) its kinda hard NOT to flirt w/ em. so i guess from now on im gonna try 2 treat em lik my bro. (how i wish i had an oldr brother rit now!) i hv tried 2 do this b4 but it nvr workd out soo mayb this time it will,.. idk. ive jst put my self worthiness in guys for soooo long, im ready for sometihng more,... real. more satisfying... and thats where the love of God comes n2 play.. right?
    Enzie
    idk
    on Monday, August 16, 2010 at 5:13 pm
    I dont really know if I flirt or not, but I know I did in the past. When I was like 11-13 I was a major flirt, but I've gotten a heck of a lot better at not doing it. I'm almost 16 and I realized that a guy will like me for who I am and not for all the little things I purposfully do to catch his eye like wearing flashy clothes. I don't think Im a flirt, but if I am then it must not be very much or that obvious because I haven't gotten any "hey, did you know you were kind of a flirt?" lately.
    Manders
    innocent until proven guilty
    on Thursday, August 19, 2010 at 11:25 am
    So, the saying innocent until proven guilty came to mind when I was reading this. Flirting is something I am very good at, but have learned to controll. I am a very friendly girl. I laugh, smile, and share. a lot. This summer I detasseled with a (mostly) christian, homeschooled group. One of the guys hurt his back and I gave him a shoulder rub to ease the tension in his muscles. (I am very knowledgable about how to do that because of my mom. She had back and neck problems after my youngest bro was born, so I got good at doing that.) Many, okay, 99% of the girls then hated me because they said I was flirting. Was it wrong of me to do that? The guy has a girl friend and asked me to do it because he knows that I am good at really helping ease the pain. Most girls around here( Waterloo, IA) don't like me. They say I am too much of a flirt. I am just really nice. I treat all guys like I treat my 4 brothers. And after talking to some of my good Christian guy friends, they all say I am just nice. Are these other girls overly sensitive or jealous like some people have said? I don't like to cause problems. I like to solve them. Please help me in praying for a solution. Any advice is much appreciated!
    Anna
    ?
    on Tuesday, August 24, 2010 at 9:43 am
    i talk alot with my hands alot and i also scream when stuff happens....
    and i think mayb sometimes that comes across as flirting but its not like i'm trying to distract guys that way
    Aimee
    Re:
    on Thursday, August 26, 2010 at 12:22 am
    well i have a major problem with flirting at the moment to the point that its really starting to complicate my relationships with guys. particuarly with a guy friend of mine. and i dont know wat to do about it and he has the same problem and also he likes me more than a friend but i dont feel the same about him and now i dont know what to do about it. help please
    Ash
    Re: Morgan
    on Monday, August 30, 2010 at 11:41 am
    Hi Morgan. I don't know if anyone replied to you, but I just want to answer your question of "is it okay for me to like boys at my age?"
    I'm 15 and I'm in the same situation you are: no dating - just courting at 16 or 17. And also in the same way, I like boys too. Yes, it is completely fine to like boys.
    Liking boys is not a sin at all - it's actually natural! Once your body hits puberty and your hormones start kicking in, you often start thinking things about boys you haven't thought before. If you ask your mom, I'm sure she'd tell you that she liked boys around your age, too. I know my mom did!
    I recommend you talk to your mom about liking boys. Believe it or not, our moms can be a great help with this kinda stuff. More often than not, they've gone through the same things were going through now. You're mom can probably help you clear out some of these questions, and I'm sure she'd love to talk with you.
    Hope this helps!
    Abi the 6th grader
    so true
    on Monday, August 30, 2010 at 9:54 pm
    omg u so opened my eyes i usally swing my hips. do i do on purpose? i need help im only 11. good thing i read this young!
    abi 6th grader
    i i i
    on Monday, August 30, 2010 at 10:01 pm
    advice sure manders. i think their jelous my advice hang low for a while it will pass so jusy hang on u WILL get though this
    Okiegirl
    I really needed this!
    on Friday, September 17, 2010 at 2:34 pm
    Hey Erin!

    I just wanted to say THANK YOU!!! I really needed this! I have been so confused about what I am doing with guy friends.

    Ok, so I have this guy friend, and I like him, and by the way he treats me, and talks to me and everything, I know he likes me too. But, the problem is that I am 16, not aloud to date, and he's 18, doesn't have his license (yet), and I am moving to Thailand in November. We have never told each other, but it's pretty obvious!! I don't know what to do, and I don't know when I am flirting, b/c he like to talk to me, and I am scared that if I keep eye contact with him to long that I will send a message I don't want sent. How do I know that I am not sending a message, and that I am just being curtious. Another part of the problem is that my mom knows, and she like to tease me about him. Both of my parents like him, and my mom tells me that if I was just a little older, that she wouldn't mind me dating him! Even my 13 yr. old Brother want's me to date him, and he is the hardest on me about this!

    So, back to my original question. If I know when I am purposefully flirting, when do I know when I am accidentally flirting? he want's my attention, he likes impressing me. He's everything that I consider a good man. I know he treats his mother good (she won't let him go though.....). I know he is good with kids, he likes my younger siblings. So, how do I know????


    Thanks for caring enough about us girls to write this kind of thing down!!!

    Okie
    Erin Davis
    Okie
    on Sunday, September 19, 2010 at 3:57 pm
    I doesn't sound like you are accidently flirting. It it okay to be nice to a guy and have him be nice back. God wants us to treat others well and He created the feelings between guys and girls. That's normal. Just always be aware of what you are saying, your body language, and your clothing. Ask God to give you a nudge if your behavior isn't glorifying Him.

    This isn't really about rules and a list of do's and don'ts. It is about your heart. Keep seeking God with all of your heart. Talk to Him about what you are feeling, a lot like you would talk to a friend (or like your comment on the blog). Ask Him to reveal His will for this relationship to you and then trust Him.

    Erin
    corinne
    i need help!!!!!!!
    on Saturday, September 25, 2010 at 10:29 pm
    hi!:) well i really need help!you see i have bigger ...boobs than most girls my age(14) and that get ALOT of attintion at school but not in a good way. My new nick name is double d :(. and its hard to have a boyfriend who loves/ likes me for the right reasons! i just want some one to love me 4 me and not just 4 my body...what should i do????plez help
    randomgems
    sexting
    on Monday, September 27, 2010 at 9:35 pm
    ugh... i no i shuldnt sext... but i feel its the only way to get ppl to guys to like me... i feel so bad and stuff... i want a boyfriend like, sooo bad... wat do i do??? help! plz pray for me
    Erin Davis
    Corinne
    on Wednesday, September 29, 2010 at 8:26 am
    There are a lot of past posts in our archives that I think could really help you. Just click on the "guys" section in the box in the top left corner.

    Hope this helps.

    Erin
    Erin Davis
    randomgems
    on Wednesday, September 29, 2010 at 8:34 am
    There are lots of great posts in our archives about overcoming the need for a boyfriend. Just click on the "guys" link under topics. Also, I would really encourage you to read "Lies Young Women Believe." if you haven't already. It tackles the lie "I need a boyfriend" head on.

    I would also strongly encourage you to get an accountability partner. Find a wise Christian who can monitor what you are doing on your phone and online.

    Know that this is a heart issue. You need to deal with the big issues that are causing you to do what you don't want to do in order to get attention.

    Ask God to show you what lies you are believing and replace them with His Truth. He is faithful!

    Erin
    Becka
    Re:
    on Friday, October 8, 2010 at 2:30 pm
    I totally agree with you on your definition of flirting, Erin. I don't know if I have ever actually flirted or not though. I don't ever flaunt myself or anything, but I have to admit... I do like getting attention from guys!.. I think that a girl should be able to give a guy a friendly smile and be able to talk to a guy without feeling like she's flirting at all, but she should be discreet in word and deed, and extra careful. I think it's very wrong to just totally ignore guys and give them the cold shoulder, but we should also consider their "guy feelings", and try not get TOO close. Make sure to hug your guy friend from the side, wear modest clothing, avoid talking about anything "hinty", and keep a good, safe distance that won't make them think about being even closer to you. I hate it when the girls and guys out there either totally ignore the opposite sex, or pay TOO MUCH attention to them. We should be able to befriend the opposite sex without causing them to stumble or lust.
    Christie Dunn
    Flirting
    on Monday, October 11, 2010 at 3:46 pm
    I think about things like, "Do I look OK?" or "does he think I'm cute?" but, seriously, I hate thinking that way. I'm trying to break my habits, but it's SO HARD! Any helps?
    Anna
    Christie Dunn
    on Monday, October 18, 2010 at 7:11 pm
    Wow, Christie I think the same things as you do. Im always thinking "Am I ugly?" "Does my hair look good?" "Does he think I'm cute?" And I hate it too! I feel so weird and stupid when I think a boy thinks I'm cute. I think were in the same boat. I don't ever flirt, but I talk with boys alot. I'm really not the kind of girl who doesn't want to be near a guy. And I don't flirt with them, I just talk with them.
    Like I hang out with my brother's friends, when he is with them at church, (Because I hang out with my brother, who is almost 16).
    I'm sorry Christie, I started my own story.
    All girls (including me, I've heard) seem to think they need to look perfect, and they are ugly, and need to were lot of make up to be pretty and good enough.
    Actually what I've heard boys like girls better without all the make up.
    It's not hard for me to break the habits. Just don't think about boys so much, hang out with you friend more, (maybe they talk about boys thought) I really am not the kind of girl who really wants a boyfriend and everything.
    I'm sorry I can't help a whole lot, because we kind of are in the same boat, but I hoped I helped... which I think I didn't.. :/
    Sorry for your time.

    Anna <3
    Anna S.
    jus want a little advice
    on Thursday, October 21, 2010 at 6:46 pm
    Hello,
    this past summer I went to a christian camp and had a few confusing and depressing experiences. I go to this camp every year so I know most of the people there. Anyways, the first day was all good then I started to notice that the guys were acting weird around me, and only me. like one thing that happened was that I was in line to get a drink at the cafeteria and I was getting a cup and I heard this from behind me "hey, watch this..." and then this guy grabbed a cup too and reached over my shoulder and started to fill it! I was so shocked, I mean I know some guys can be jerks but it was that he said "hey watch this" to his friend. I ended up just not saying anything and just walking away, but I wanted so bad to just turn around and punch him in the stomach! Problem was by the way he looked at me and the way he said it I knew that that was exactly what he wanted! Anyways this went on all week with several of the guys and there were only two that were nice to me. Well to make it a little shorter at the end of the week one of the nice guys asked for my email and so I gave it to him. We have talked for a few months now and I have a pretty good hunch that he likes me. I told him already that I am not dating till 18 but I want to know what to do now to guard myself. And also I know this is going to sound strange, but I only like him as a friend and I just want to know if I should stop talking to him all together to make sure nothing happens or what.
    Really confused and kinda depressed
    London
    TO MANDERS!!!!
    on Monday, October 25, 2010 at 2:04 pm
    Hey,
    The girls are just acting like this because they are jealous. If you REALLY did this because this guy was in pain, then it was right to do! Don't feel bad. Jesus knows that you did this to help someone. Ask him to open those girls eyes.
    London
    ADVICE FOR ANNA S.
    on Monday, October 25, 2010 at 2:09 pm
    Nobody is making you email this guy. If he makes you uncomfortable, and you have already made it clear that you are not interesting in dating anyone until marriage, then just don't email him. If he IS a fun guy, then have fun. As long as he isn't coming between you, your purity, and God.
    As for your depression, I feel your pain. In the past year I've had some very serious depression issues, but I have overcome them with the amazing love and mercy of Jesus Christ.
    Feel free to write back if you have any questions! And please put it under the subject: "To London Please" to make it easier for me to find. Thank you!
    lil miss anonymous
    IT'S NORMAL!!!
    on Monday, October 25, 2010 at 2:13 pm
    girls, it's normal to want to be beautiful! it's normal to like guys! there is nothing wrong with either of those things! the bible doesn't say "girls are commanded never to look their best," or "girls shall never be allowed to have any crush whatsoever." it's the purity that matters. to overdo something, ANYTHING is to destroy it.
    Those of you out there that are like, "oh no, i try to look pretty!" that's ok! we wouldn't feel like that if God hadn't put it there. and HE doesn't make mistakes.
    Annamarie
    Lil miss Anonymous
    on Thursday, October 28, 2010 at 12:47 pm
    Yes, it is normal to want to look your best and theres really nothing wrong with trying to look your best. But thinking your ugly isn't the right thing.

    Annamarie <3
    Morgan
    my friend
    on Friday, October 29, 2010 at 7:35 pm
    you see my friends are calling my other friend a flirt and i dont really know what to do b/c i think so too but i dont want to say anything b/c in your describtion she does talk loud to draw attention to herself
    Lexa
    Is it ok to hug guys?
    on Friday, November 5, 2010 at 10:47 am
    Ok so sometimes my guy friends will ask for a hug. I have never hugged them and I pretty much stay away from physical contact with guy friends. My girl friends on the other hand, have no problem giving guys a small (side) hug. They say its just a nice friendly, harmless hug. I don't know if I quite agree with this. Do you think it's ok to hug guys? Is it considered flirting?
    Lexa (hugging guys)
    on Tuesday, November 9, 2010 at 1:16 pm
    I seriously find nothing wrong with hugging guys (if it's done in the right way). Like you said your friends do, hugging the guy from the side is really no problem, it's just a friendly guesture. However, if you happen to maybe really like the guy you want to hug, or he might really like you, maybe it is best to take extra special care in any physical contact (even in an innocent side hug). The truth is, if you are one who can't really hug a guy without it feeling awkward, then no, I don't recommend you hug a guy. Girls are more into physical touch, so it isn't always the wisest thing. I think you were smart to not hug the guy and ask for direction on that issue. I myself don't hug many guys mostly because I know it might cost my guy friend a few awkward emotions. Sometimes it just doesn't feel right, and that's when it's best to do what you did and keep your distance. Being able to tell who's a hugger and who's not a good idea helps you out alot. And no... If it's done in right way, hugging a guy is not ever flirting. Hope this helps a little.
    ;)
    gracefalls
    Hugging Guys
    on Monday, November 15, 2010 at 10:47 am
    I have found that in hugging a guy that i like only brings me closer to things that are not pure. After finding that he is not going to be my bf.... i kinda regret hugging him sooo much
    Lauren
    Hugging guys
    on Monday, November 15, 2010 at 9:21 pm
    Um, ok. I'm really confused on hugging. I have a good guy friend who's having a tough time this year. I always give him hugs. I don't have a crush on him and I know he doesn't like me that way either. Is it still okay to hug him?
    Gracefalls
    Re: Hugging Guys
    on Tuesday, November 16, 2010 at 8:52 am
    Yeah it is cool jugging guy friends.... I have a really good guy friend who I will hug every time I see him... It is fine to hug a guy out of friendship
    Christen
    Re: Hugging Guys
    on Saturday, November 20, 2010 at 1:02 pm
    I think hugging guys is something that we really need to be careful of. There's really nothing wrong with hugging but it's really easy to get carried away and end up doing things you never dreamed you would do.
    lizzyb
    flirting with a guy u like
    on Saturday, November 20, 2010 at 5:28 pm
    Ok so i never actually flirt with guys i don't like but alot of times do with the guys i find attracting. i try not to but every girl has this part in her that wants to be liked. this is y i find myself trying to get attention from the guy i like right now. i never do anything bad we only text and talk and occasionally give each other hugs. hes a great guy too. hes such a gentleman and i know he would never try to hurt me. however, i also know he isnt a christian and this is what makes everything so confusing.... ive already made a promise to myself to not have a boyfriend till i am out of highschool, but i still hav that feeling inside that wants guys to like me, especially this guy.and im almost positive he likes me back which makes this whole situation even worse! i dont want to lead him on and him ask me out and me turn him down. but at the same time i dont want him to start liking other girls, which is really selfish of me. HELP!!!
    Gracefalls
    re: flirting with the guy u like
    on Wednesday, November 24, 2010 at 10:29 am
    i have a vow almost the same as urs... i will not date till 17.... but i also like a guy who likes me back and i am having the same feelings when he talks to other girls. if you know he likes you and he will wait for you... you have nothing to worry about him going after other girls. if he is just a flirt and only likes you for a time... then he is not worthy of a daughter of God... if he ever does ask you out tell him if he is willing to wait, then yes... if not then you cannot date him... if he is not Gods child, and he doesn't respect you... God has someone much better for you... i dont want to sound like a broken record... but i hope this helps... this is what i think.... after talking to my mom... my revision is " What does God want you to do ?" " Is this guy in Gods plan for you?" " Do you want true gold? or fools gold?"
    Leah
    Re:
    on Thursday, November 25, 2010 at 1:59 am
    I agree with this post, but after reading all of the comments, I'd like to add my two cents :)

    With all of these questions of "is it ok to hug a guy friend?" , "is it flirting to smile?" , "am I being to friendly?" ... those kinds of things. I think it's different for every case. The bottom line is that in every situation we need to think "am I honoring God by my actions and am I keeping my heart pure?". If hugging your guy friend is in a pure, God honoring way, then go for it. Of course, that's something that everyone needs to ask God for wisdom about, including me. Because what God wants is for us to be HIS pure bride and he knows what is best for us.
    Taryn
    Head to Desk
    on Thursday, December 2, 2010 at 11:40 pm
    My whole life, I've always been the last person that people think of, the last one to get their needs met... which I am truly thankful for, because I know that with every injustice, there is great reward for me in heaven. However, even though I know this to be true, I often find myself flirting because....well, if I'm honest, because I want to feel like someone cares for a moment. I know that it's horribly selfish, and dishonoring to God. I don't know how to let go of this need that I have to be cared for, to be remembered, and thought about. I know that God is my Daddy, and that He loved me enough to send His own Son to die for me, and not only that, but to unleash His just wrath on Him. Why can't I just let go?!
    Gracefalls
    flirt
    on Saturday, December 4, 2010 at 5:21 pm
    i am a flirt... i like this one guy... but when i am around other guys i want attention... like bad attention... i dont know what to do.. i have been praying to God to keep me pure... and help me not be a flirt... I need some HELP
    Laine
    hugs?
    on Friday, December 17, 2010 at 10:43 am
    this is kind of off subject but i'm wondering if it is okay to hug a guy that isn't related. i have a best guy friend and he isn't allowed to give front hugs, only side hugs to girls. but i can kinda see whats wrong with it but not really. so is there anything wrong with hugging guys?
    Crazy Kid
    wo
    on Monday, December 27, 2010 at 1:55 pm
    i do flirt but i hope not like that
    Marissa
    Lusting.. (Plus RE Laine, Christen, Gracefalls, and Lauren)
    on Wednesday, December 29, 2010 at 4:06 pm
    I also have some "guy problems" I'm not a flirt, but I'm always talking about, looking at, and lusting after boys. I know that this does not bother my friends, but lately it has started to bother ME. I've been trying to get into my Bible lately and it's been helpful, but I was wondering if anybody has overcome this or could give me specific advice/ Bible verses? Thank you so much and I think that this is an awesome ministry that you are doing Erin!

    RE Hugging: In my opinion, a guy saying "give me a hug" could be translated into "I would love it if you would press your body into mine" Tell me, how does hugging make you feel? Would you hug a complete stranger because you were "being friendly"? Or would you hug somebody that you are not at all attracted to? I don't know if this was helpful but another thing that helped me understand this was the youtube video "Christian Side Hug" which was preformed by a church. Hope it will help!
    Gracefalls
    RE Marissa
    on Thursday, December 30, 2010 at 5:57 pm
    I like what you said about hugging guys is really awesome... I always hug my crush... because it makes me feel special and safe... Personally I love the feeling of being hugged by him... I guess it is because I don't feel love from other people...

    Also... that music video was boss
    Marissa
    RE Gracefalls
    on Saturday, January 1, 2011 at 2:32 am
    Thanks! I'm glad you liked it :) I know exactly how you feel, being held makes me feel secure and loved but it's so intimate for girls and a lot of guys don't see it like we do... I know from personal experience.. Also about flirting, I have been getting into my Bible more and I've found that God wants our FULL attention and our COMPLETE heart, but He can't have it whenever we're busy trying to figure out our lives (i.e. finding a boyfriend/ future husband). Whenever we give over our lives to Him and dig deeper into His Word, he provides for us (i.e. boyfriend/future husband)

    And when you feel like nobody out there loves you (I'm sure that their are a lot of people who do! [love you I mean...:), remember Nehemiah 9:32; “Now therefore, our God, the great God, mighty and awesome, who keeps his covenant of love, do not let all this hardship seem trifling in your eyes..."

    God loves you soo much! He made all of His daughters and sons special so they could use all of their gifts for His glory and He helps us through our toughest trials!:)

    And I know, I love that video :D

    BTW, A book I recommend for all of you girlies out there is, Answering the Guy Questions, by Leslie Ludy. It's an easy read and has so much advice!

    Ohh and does anybody have any advice for me? (see my above post...)

    Thanks !
    Erin Davis
    Marissa
    on Tuesday, January 4, 2011 at 11:00 am
    Have you read "Lies Young Women Believe?" It has a great section on guys that I think would really help you find some victory in your thought life.

    You are right in realizing that it is not okay to lust even if it is just in your mind. Jesus talked about this specifically (Matthew 5:28). Your friends are not the standard by which you should judge if this is okay or not. Jesus is the standard and He says to fix your thoughts on Him (Hebrews 3:1).

    I would recommend that you find some verses that specifically apply God's Truth to what you are dealing with (maybe start with the two I listed above) and read them over and over and over to re-train your brain. God's Word is a living book it truly can change us.

    Hope this helps! Keep seeking Him.

    Erin
    Marissa
    RE
    on Tuesday, January 4, 2011 at 6:31 pm
    Yes I have read it and I am letting my friend borrow it right now! :) Thank you for the verses, I will check the out ASAP! I printed our your list of revolutions as well and those are helping me keep my mind on God.
    Gracefalls
    Re: Marissa
    on Sunday, January 9, 2011 at 8:39 am
    thanks a lot
    someone
    am i a flirt.
    on Monday, January 10, 2011 at 10:22 am
    i am and that is one of the hardest thing for me because i can get in trouble for that and it would be very bad and i need help i am trying not to be a flirt but i think that it is so fun and everything and that is the part that i dont like so i really need help. help me .
    Faith
    Taking a Step Back
    on Monday, January 10, 2011 at 7:02 pm
    After reading LYWB and taking a step back to pause and look at how I'm living my life, I've found that there are many things that I need to change. As a teenager, flirting seems like it's everywhere! Flirting is so easy to do. I know I've done it, I'm sure I even did it before I knew what it was. In high school, and even middle school, it's like you have to do it or guys won't pay attention to you. But what kind of guys are the ones that are always with the flirty girls and don't even glance at the "good Christian girls" who don't show themselves off and flirt all the time? Those guys are not the guys for us. As hard as it is sometimes, we need to wait for the perfect guy, the Prince Charming, that God has designed for us. Bottom line, flirting is bad. Flirting attracts the wrong kind of guys for the wrong kind of reasons. Yeah, it's great to get attention, but why not get attention from the guys who Christ has designed for us? I've made a pledge for myself for the new year: improve my relationship with Jesus Christ by spending more time with Him and giving more of my time to Him. That way, I'm less worried about other things that don't matter, such as flirting, and more worried about what I will read and learn about next in the Bible.
    Gracefalls
    RE someone
    on Monday, January 10, 2011 at 7:44 pm
    I am also a flirt.... but i am trying to meditate on God so that guys dont distract me... i also get into a lot of trouble cause of it..... it is fun.. especially when it is with the guy you like... just meditate on God.... Just imagine that your future husband is in the room watching you... or if Jesus was there... would you still do what you are doing? please think about that.... i will be praying for you to over come this

    Pray!
    Gracefalls
    lexi
    help
    on Saturday, January 29, 2011 at 1:47 pm
    There's this guy that i like and he likes me back but we're not actually dating. Sometimes when we text if he flirts with me I kinda feel like i have to flirt back or else he might feel offended or somethimg like that. So anyways how could i not flirt back without him getting offended.
    Erin Davis
    Lexi
    on Wednesday, February 9, 2011 at 9:38 am
    First of all, let me remind you that your job is to protect your heart, not his.

    Proverbs 4:23 says, "Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it."

    Just keep in mind that you need to do what you can to keep your thoughts and actions pure. Be kind, but don't be overly worried about offending this guy. You want him to get the impression that you aren't ready to date. That might not sit well at first.

    That being said, it is perfectly fine to text with a guy and not flirt. Just keep the conversation friendly. Talk about school, sports, favorite movies. But stay away from gushing about how much you like each other.

    Does that make sense?

    Erin
    lexi
    thanks
    on Friday, February 11, 2011 at 2:04 pm
    yea that makes sense and thanks that really helps.
    Emily
    What if...
    on Monday, February 21, 2011 at 6:24 pm
    I understand not flirting but what if your friend says you and this guy would make a cute couple? Then what? What has happened to me is I started to watch this boy and ask around of others agreed. Which, darn it, they did. When I was watching him he seems like a good Christian boy. I want to be non-flirting friends but the situation is not in my favor. Right when it could not be worse, he stares at me in class. I also have slight feelings for him. I don't know what to do any more. Please help!
    MK
    Desperate
    on Thursday, February 24, 2011 at 6:35 pm
    Sometimes I feel so desperate for that "guy attention" that I flirt with the guys that I KNOW that used to like me and have moved on. I am very for waiting for the right guy God has prepared for my life, I have never had a boyfriend and have never had my first kiss. I love having the attention and I know that that is not what God intends for me. I love my guy friends so much, but sometimes I flirt with them, and I really don't want to!
    I need HELP!!
    Valerie
    MK
    on Tuesday, March 15, 2011 at 10:24 am
    hey its okay...take a breather! I completely understand ur delema because i dela with it as well. I am consistently bombarded with these types of chance and sometimes i accept it as a chellenge! like thats Godly? i honestly just think that maybe you need to set an hour aside in your day whether its when u get up right after school or before bed to just get on your knees and pray.
    Thank God first anddo it for everything you can think of that ur thankfl for. he loves hearing that u love what he has given u.
    then maybe spend some time reading ur bible and asking God to open your eyes to new things uve never seen, then spend some time time in worship. God loves it when u do that too.
    Once you have been doing that for a while u will find that it won't be as hard for u to not flirt with guys. u will be able to just not do it because u know that God is there and he loves u more than any boy could! He is the best boyfriend that i have ever had (even though i am in a relationship right now) i love him with all my heart and now realize how silly it is to flirt with guys....thev moved on so should u, besides if uve got the God of the universe as ur boy then ur set for life! he will never leave, hes always there and can always talk to him at any time of day.
    Fernanda
    What?
    on Sunday, May 1, 2011 at 12:42 am
    I totally understand that you aren't supposed to hint at sex. And I read what you wrote about pursuing guys. I am confused about why flirting is wrong? I mean, I wouldn't flirt by showing off my cleavage our swinging my hips, but what's wrong with telling a guy he's cute or funny and making him laugh? I have definitely done things like this in the past, and I just want to know if I should change. Thanks(:
    Little Miss
    Gosh...
    on Tuesday, December 27, 2011 at 6:08 pm
    I have seen myself flirt. And it made me mad at myself. I had to take a step away from my guy friends. I don't want to lead guys on. I know it hurts them Ive seem girls do it. And it wasn't pretty. I think flirting can be dangerous and I have tried to completely stop but it's hard. :/
    Anonymous
    Wow
    on Sunday, April 8, 2012 at 2:47 am
    I never thought of flirting that way
    Anonymous
    Boys
    on Sunday, April 8, 2012 at 3:04 am
    There is a boy who I flirt w/s a lot what can I do to stop but I can't avoid him because our moms are close friends
    Carrie, with the LYWB team
    Re: Boys
    on Monday, April 9, 2012 at 1:49 pm
    Acknowledging your behavior with this guy has not been honoring to the Lord is the first step, friend. You’ve taken that step… now talk to the Lord about it; tell Him you’re seeing how you’ve been wrong and that you need His help to change. He loves to answer the cries of His kids, dear frie3nd.

    Then check out some of the past LYWB posts below and talk with your mom, your youth pastor’s wife, or another godly woman who can help you begin to make changes in how you relate to your friend.


    • http://www.liesyoungwomenbelieve.com/index.php?id=676
    • http://www.liesyoungwomenbelieve.com/index.php?id=673
    • http://www.liesyoungwomenbelieve.com/index.php?id=197
    • http://www.liesyoungwomenbelieve.com/index.php?id=198
    Praying you’ll be amazed by the transformation that begins to take place as you cry out to Jesus, friend.
    skai
    am i a flirt?
    on Thursday, June 21, 2012 at 1:45 am
    i often talk to guys and am very close to them... am i a flirt?
    Sarah, with the LYWB team
    Re:
    on Sunday, June 24, 2012 at 5:16 pm
    I'm glad you care, skai. You can certainly talk to guys and have close friendships without flirting. However, if any of the things listed are true of you as you talk to guys and have close friendships, you would be flirting.

    Take some time to evaluate your actions, conversations, and the heart of your relationships. Most likely your heart will answer the question for you as you evaluate these things.

    So here you go--evaluate your actions and conversations by these markers of a flirt from Scripture:

    1. Are you haughty/vain?
    2. Do you use body language to draw attention to yourself?
    3. Do you highlight your feminine attributes (your hips and hair)?
    4. Is your clothing showy?

    Erin's "two cents" above will also be great thoughts for you to evaluate your behavior and conversations. You might also find it helpful to ask a friend to help you.
    .
    Keep your heart pure, skai, and your mind renewed by the Word of God,, and your actions will follow.

    God bless you. May you find great joy in living with a pure heart.
    Flirtless
    Flirtless friendship
    on Saturday, March 30, 2013 at 8:49 pm
    When I was younger I used to think that girls and guys couldn't be friends. Now I know that I was so wrong. I don't have a lot of guy friends, possibly because I avidly avoid flirting, so I don't draw a lot of attention from them. Then I met this guy who's become my great friend. I can talk to him about God. He's a strong Christian, although not very vocal about it. He's a great all-around person, nice, and friendly. I think we get along so well because our friendship didn't start with attraction. The base of our friendship is God. And to those girls who are unsure about dating and guy friends, I have some advice for you. A boyfriend should not be the result of worldly flirting and attraction. I believe that a guy and a girl should be best friends before they ever consider dating. The base of every relationship should be God! I have never dated and I am perfectly happy to have good Christian guy friends. If God wants anything romantic to come of a God-based friendship when I'm older, I trust that He'll show me.
    :D
    thanks!
    on Thursday, May 2, 2013 at 12:23 pm
    this was great!

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