Do I have a gentle and quiet spirit?

posted by Erin Davis on 07/28/10 | Twitter: @ErinGraffiti
Category: Myself; ; 31 comments

Last week, Paula wrote two great posts on 1 Peter 3:3–4 which urges women to cultivate a "gentle and quiet sprit." The comments you left on those posts made me think that you might be wondering something I've been asking myself for years—Do I have a gentle and quiet spirit?

Paula helped us understand that possessing the kind of beauty described in this passage doesn't mean we have to be shy and timid. Even loud girls (like myself) can exude the lasting beauty God desires. But broadening the definition of the kind of girl God wants us to be can lead to confusion. So I wanted to revisit this topic with help from Lies Young Women Believe co-author Nancy Leigh DeMoss.

Nancy talks often about who God calls us to be on her radio program Revive Our Hearts. Here's her take on what it means to possess a "gentle and quiet spirit."

Erin: Practically speaking, how can we apply the description of a beautiful woman found in 1 Peter 3:3–4 to the way that we live?

Nancy: Peter says to women in 1 Peter 3, "Your beauty should not come from outward adornment." Now he's not saying we shouldn't be beautiful, but he's saying we need to redefine our idea of what is beautiful. "Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes. Instead, your beauty should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God of great worth. For this is the way the holy women of the past who put their hope in God used to make themselves beautiful" (vv. 3–5).

How did these holy women make themselves beautiful? They trusted in God; and, as a result, they developed an inner beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit. We're not saying, and the Scripture is not saying, that external beauty—physical beauty—is inherently sinful, or that it's wrong to pay any attention to our external appearance. We as women, I believe, should reflect even outwardly the beauty, the order, the excellence and the grace of God.

We do that not only through our inner person, but through outer clothing and beauty as well. But we need to keep things in perspective, to remember that which is seen. Paul says in 2 Corinthians 4:18 that that which is visible is temporal. It does not last. "So," Paul says, "put your focus on the things that cannot be seen, that are internal, and that are eternal." Those are the things that last forever.

Erin: What is the difference between the kind of woman the world tells us to be and the kind of women highly esteemed in Scripture?

Nancy: Meekness is especially, in the Scripture, commended to women. Again, as we're thinking of why pursue meekness, as women it's natural for us, and our culture really promotes this, to focus on physical beauty—on external adorning, on our hairstyles, on our clothing styles, our jewelry, our makeup. These are the things, if you look at advertisements for women, that are being promoted and advertised as being really important.

But God's Word has some right counsel for us as women. It helps us to see beauty from God's perspective. In 1 Peter chapter 3, verse 4, where the apostle says, "Let your adorning [let the thing that you consider attractive and beautiful] be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty [I love that phrase] of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God's sight is very precious."

A gentle spirit. That word in the original language is meek. A meek spirit, a gentle spirit, a quiet spirit. Scripture says for a woman to have that internal heart attitude of meekness or gentleness and a quiet spirit gives her a beauty that is imperishable. It's a beauty that cannot fade away. It's a beauty that you don't have to go through all kinds of cosmetic surgery or makeup routines to preserve. It's something that gets sweeter and richer and more beautiful as you age.

Erin: I've never been gentle or quiet. Other girls seem to fit this description more naturally. Is it something that you either have or you don't?

Nancy: Well, God wants to produce in us the fruit of righteousness, of holy living. God wants to produce in us the fruit of His Spirit: love, joy, peace, patience, gentleness.

I've been focusing on that fruit over the last several days. The Lord has had me focused in on this matter of what it means to have a gentle and a quiet spirit.

Whatever it is, it's the opposite of what I was born with. I have been just praying through that quality because I know that fruit of a gentle and a quiet spirit in a woman is of great beauty in God's eyes.

I've been saying, "Lord, I want to have that kind of beauty. Where do I get that gentle and quiet spirit?"

It comes from God who is the giver of fruitfulness. I don't have that in me.

Left to myself, I will never have the fruit of gentleness. That's why I need to draw upon His sufficiency. He's the giver of fruitfulness. He's the one who produces the fruit of the Spirit in our lives.

The fruit He wants to produce in us is the fruit of Christ living in us and being expressed through us, the fruit of the character of Christ being formed in us, the fruit of our being a blessing to others because of the life of Christ in us, the fruit of children, natural children.

Erin: What can we do today to become more like the women God wants us to be?

Nancy: If you want to become this woman of virtue, develop a sense of the fear of the Lord. Now you can't develop that apart from spending time with God in His Word. His Word will help you to develop that reverence for Him, that awe for Him, that trust in Him and that hatred of evil. And then everything about your life will be ordered around that consciousness of God's presence.

Physical charm, physical beauty—those things are an illusion. They're fleeting. They're momentary. They can lure, but they can't last. The thing that lasts is a relationship with God. That's got to be the number one focus and priority of your life and mine if we're going to be the women that God made us to be.

Comments

HEY, GIRLS! We love hearing from you, but feel limited in the ways we can help. For one thing, we�re not trained counselors. If you�re seeking counsel, we encourage you to talk to your pastor or a godly woman in your life as they�ll know more details and can provide you with ongoing accountability and help. Also, the following comments do not necessarily reflect the views of Revive Our Hearts. We reserve the right to remove comments which might be unhelpful, unsuitable, or inappropriate.

Courtney

Re:
on Wednesday, July 28, 2010 at 4:27 am

I liked this post a lot, since I was kinda wondering the same things Erin was asking. But I don't feel like Nancy always really answered the question and if she did she was kinda repeating what was in the previous posts...but it was still good!

Danielle

Re:
on Wednesday, July 28, 2010 at 4:44 am

Great post and timely! I think God is currently revealing to me a "take charge" attitude and a heart that lacks humility, love and patience to those around me. This is yet another great reminder of what it looks like to be a woman after God's own heart, as oppose to my less than God glorifying [sinful] tendencies.

Brittany Lee

Re:
on Wednesday, July 28, 2010 at 8:25 am

This is awesome! Thank you Erin and Nancy!
:)

I've been blessed to know quite a few women who exhibit this character. Something I have noticed about them from the beginning was how radiant they are. I really believe that radiance that just shines Christ is so much of what a gentle and quiet spirit is. They are confidant, and have this strength - it's all God. But they are all so amazing! I want to be like that.

I think it all starts with Obedience to God, and listening to Him and also knowing WHO you are in Christ. All in all, this is just awesome! :)

Thank you!

Angela;)

Re:
on Wednesday, July 28, 2010 at 10:08 am

Excellent post! I've been wondering for a LONG time how do I know if I have a gentle and quiet spirit. And if not, how do I get it? This post has really been helpful.

I have a younger sister who seems to naturally have a more gentle and quiet spirit. I'm more of the loud, outgoing type of person, while she's much more reserved and quiet. I think I'm beginning to see that it's not my personality that gives me a gentle and quiet spirit, it's my relationship with God. Putting my hope and trust in the Lord is what's going to give me a beauty that will never fade. Thanks for the encouragement!

LydiaRuth

Why?
on Wednesday, July 28, 2010 at 11:37 am

Why do you use the NIV, NKJV, or any other bible that man has rewrote? Is God's Word not good enough that you have to use a rewritten version?!?!?!?! Which by the way cannot be a version because it is not God's Word!!!!!!!! I dont know about you, but I want to read His Word not some man written one!

1 Peter 3:3-4 really says-

"Whose adorning let it not be that outward adoning of plaiting the hair, and of wearing of gold, or putting on of apparel: But let it be the hidden man of the heart, in that which is not corruptible, even the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God of great price."

and 2 Corinthians 4:18-

"While we look not at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen: for the seen which are seen are temporal; but the things which are not seen are eternal."

Madi M

?
on Wednesday, July 28, 2010 at 1:43 pm

So, let me see if i got this right, A gentle spirit is one that is peaceful and pretty much a steady girl that is not really moody? I am trying to understand this, sorry. So if you put all your trust in God, you pretty much have a gentle spirit? Please help!

libby

Lydia Ruth
on Wednesday, July 28, 2010 at 3:13 pm

Hey, I don't want to start an argument. But technically it's all written by man. God inspired the words but man wrote them. I think its dangerous when we uphold one Bible translation as 'truer' than another. The majority of them are translated from the original manuscripts and even the KJV which you were quoting has undergone some revisions since it was originally published in 1611. I hope you don't think I'm bashing you, because I'm not. I also personally use the KJV because thats what I'm most familiar with. I just wanted to let you know that unless the translation is blatantly contridictory we shouldn't be so swift to pass judgement.
with love in Christ
Libby :)

Miss Anonymous

Re:
on Wednesday, July 28, 2010 at 4:27 pm

thanks :)

Caty

beauty of great price
on Wednesday, July 28, 2010 at 5:43 pm

This was a great post! It is so hard to focus on our inward beauty because of the way our culture programs us to be, all about outward beauty and good looks. If we have a beautiful heart that will always outshine any outward beauty we might have. Thanks, Erin, for posting this, I think it was really good follow up on Paula's posts. <><

Anonymous

Re:
on Wednesday, July 28, 2010 at 11:58 pm

I totally agree with Angela!! It's so uplifting to know that God doesn't want me to just stop talking or to be timid of things, but He still wants us to be bold. 2 Timothy 1:7 says "For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love and of self-discipline."
As in response to LydiaRuth, I say this with all the love and prayers for you. When you say "rewritten version", that's what all versions are, unless you have the capabilities to read Hebrew and Greek, and have you hands on original or copies of the transcripts. I believe that the two versions you mentioned (NIV & NKJV) do not lose the inspiredness of God's holy and inerrant Word. I pray you find peace in this. God bless you.

Elizabeth

LydiaRuth
on Thursday, July 29, 2010 at 6:33 pm

I know I use those Bibles because they are easier to understand which helps me get more out of it. I feel like you are looking down on us because of our Bible choice. :(

LydiaRuth

Re: Libby, Anonymous, and Elizabeth
on Friday, July 30, 2010 at 3:34 pm

Yes, it is written by man, but those men wrote what God told them (word for word) to write. The revisions you talk about are written beside the original not instead. Plus, I am not judging anyone I am just curious, but I do feel very strongly about it. And Libby yes I have found verses that may not be contraditory, but are talking about something completely different .... even subject wise. Anonymous when you said I pray you find peace in this what did you mean I didnt understand? Elizabeth, I am not looking down are you and please dont take this the wrong way, but when we have the Holy Spirit living inside of us the Bible says it will help us understand His Word.

Billie Saunders

quiet hearts
on Friday, July 30, 2010 at 10:22 pm

I struggle with having a quiet spirit. There is so much going on in my life and in my head that it makes it difficult for me to "be still." I am a very outspoken person. Learning to be humble and gentle has been difficult for me; however, the more I learn the better I do. I leave my television and computer off as much as possible. I pray more. I continue to learn how good GOD is....

monica

an big question?
on Saturday, July 31, 2010 at 4:20 pm

Ok, so Im wondering what is the place of a single women in the world? Does she have to be submitting to her father until shes married even if shes an adult, lives on her own, and cant find someone to marry at this point. My dad believes that women are supposed to be under their dad until they are married no matter what and i dont really find that in the bible. It talks about wife being submissive to thier husbands etc but nothing about single women. I'm going to do a massive bible study about it tomorrow but Id appreciate anyone's opinion. Its really hard for me because I have to make a choice between doing what my dad says or he will not consider me a christian. I dont know why but it bothers me alot that he thinks Im going the wrong way when I know in my self that Im trying every possible way to follow the Lord. thanks for listening:)

LydiaRuth

monica
on Monday, August 2, 2010 at 12:11 am

I dont find that in the Bible but the Bible does say: "Children obey your parents in the Lord for this is right." Therefore unless it is stickly against what the Lord tells you to do you need to obey him.

(Not such a) Confused Christian

Re: LydiaRuth & Bible version discussion
on Monday, August 2, 2010 at 9:38 am

I agree with LydiaRuth guys, but I was always scared to ever say anything on this topic. Look:

Revelation 22:18-19
18For I testify unto every man that heareth the words of the prophecy of this book, If any man shall add unto these things, God shall add unto him the plagues that are written in this book:
19And if any man shall take away from the words of the book of this prophecy, God shall take away his part out of the book of life, and out of the holy city, and from the things which are written in this book.

We use to go to a church that used the New Century Version (NCV) but we'd still take our own KJV Bibles (we stopped because my mom didn't want to go there since they didn't use KJV, so we go somewhere that uses KJV now). But when they taught a verse to my little sister's class, she had to learn it in the NCV wording regardless of the fact that SHE had a KJV Bible, and one week she had to learn Genesis 1:1. In the KJV it reads:

Genesis 1:1
1In the beginning God created the heaven and the earth.

BUT in the New Century Version it reads:

In the beginning God created the sky and the earth.

It's not JUST THE SKY, it's HEAVEN! Why change it? That's taking away AND then adding to the original, so it's going against Revelation 22:18-19. I know that the reason the other versions change it is so it's easier to understand, but what's so confusing about the word "Heaven"?

I'm really not trying to be mean to any of you guys or judge any of you, I'm just trying to warn you of what God warns us of if we add to or subtract from the original, God-inspired words of the KJV, as LydiaRuth said. Any rebuttals, feel free to leave them, but it's all right there in Revelation 22:18-19.

to Lydia-Ruth

Re:
on Monday, August 2, 2010 at 10:12 pm

Even if you dont live at home? I mean there's a million things my Dad thinks is wrong that I know Erin or any others here think is perfectly fine and really, I'm 21 and I cant listen to my Dad forever. For example, I want to get a job in a daycare and my Dad thinks thats wrong because you're supporting Moms working when they should be at home taking care of their own kids. I agree they should, but is it my responsibility? And he doesn't suggest anything else either, whatever we do is wrong (down to wearing nail polish on my toes) and he never says anything positive. I dont mean to be bitter, but it is very hard to know what is right. Anyway, thanks for the comment and please pray for my cuz Im having a really hard time with this.

Krlosier

to LydiaRuth and Confused Christian
on Wednesday, August 4, 2010 at 10:49 pm

Hey guys! So not to make an argument or anything...but here is what I think. (I guess it doesn't really matter what I think..it's what God thinks...but hey you know what I mean ;) )
Anywaysss....uhm I understand where you are both coming from. I've talked to many people who believe the same way as you do. Honestly, I don't think there is a problem that you guys believe that way, unless it gets to the point where like you are saying that you can't be saved unless it was out of the KJV. But you aren't so that's okay. :) (I've talked to people who believe that.)
The God inspired words were actually first written in Hebrew and Greek. The KJV is just a translation of the Bible. They aren't the first God-breathed words. Neither is the KJV totally accurate. My older brother was studying this, and he's found places where this version actually translated the Greek/Hebrew wrong. There is a place in James. Also, did you know that the original name of Jesus's brother was "John"? Not James. They have the same meaning, which is why it's not a huge deal...but in the original it was "John". King James changed it I'm pretty sure.
But anyways...Confused Christian, I agree to some extent. There are definitely some translations that are not good. Like, for example, the ones that take out the words "blood" and whatever. That isn't right because why is the precious blood of Christ that paid our ransoms gross? So....there are some translations of the Bible you have to be extremely careful with. On the other hand, I personally like to use other translations because it helps me better understand some things. Some things I can just not get using the old English system. I think that God would rather me understand His Word than misinterpret what He is trying to say.
How about when the Bible is translated directly from the Greek/Hebrew to other languages? That's not KJV....would that make those versions wrong? Not necessarily.
I'm not trying to say "I'm right you're wrong." At all. I'm just encouraging you to think outside the box, or however that expression goes :) Whatcha think? :)
~Kris

Krlosier

to monica
on Wednesday, August 4, 2010 at 11:03 pm

Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm. Haha well I don't think at all that if you are say, 50, and unmarried, that you should be under your parent's rule. You still should honor and respect them.... I don't see anywhere in the Bible about being single and u nder their rules. I think that when you are an adult and not living with them, than you don't really have to live under their rules...but honestly I don't know. Good question. Erin, do you have any comments on this?
Sorry I couldn't help Monica! I will be praying for you and your parents :) Maybe God will change their hearts and let you make more of your own choices...

monica

to Krlosier
on Thursday, August 5, 2010 at 10:56 am

Thanks so much for the comment and prayers:) It's not really that I cant make my own choices, they're leaving it totally up to me, its just that I find it hard that my Dad is disappointed in me and thinks I'm going the wrong way. Well, at least my Mom doesnt think that. Thanks again:)

Krlosier

To monica
on Friday, August 6, 2010 at 5:13 pm

Ohh okay I get what you mean :) I know I hate dissapointing my parents! Yeah that's really tough. But you're welcome and I'll continue to pray :)

Anonymous

LydiaRuth (and Monica)
on Saturday, August 7, 2010 at 10:05 pm

Hey, I'm sorry it took me a while to respond, I've been extremely busy this past week and a half. I said I'm praying for you because I sincerely hope that you can (and everyone who struggles with this!) find an answer that you can be satisfied with. I agree with Kris, and I'm planning on talking with my dad and Pastor on the matter further.
Monica- You do still have to honor your parents, of course, but I don't think you opening a daycare means you are going down the wrong path and will condemn you. John 14:6 says "Jesus answered, 'I am the Way, the Truth, and the Life, no one comes to the Father except through me.'" It clearly says the only way we can get to Heaven is by Christ alone, not through works that any man should boast (Ephesians 2:8-9) I would try talking to him about the way you feel he's treating you. If you feel that what you are doing is God is God's will, then that's what you should be doing. I hope what I said will help you, but I will definitely be praying for you!!!!!

Traci

To Monica
on Saturday, August 7, 2010 at 11:59 pm

Monica,
I know just how you feel about your dad, but let me just say, he truly is trying to protect you and do what is best for you!!! I know that's probably not what you want to hear right now, and what I'm going to say probably won't be either, but here it is:
Unless your dad wants you to do something that the Bible clearly tells you not to do, you really should listen to him!
I would recommend reading "So Much More" by Anna Sofia & Elizabeth Botkin - I have read it through twice and have learned SO much from it - I think it will help you with your situation to, if you prayerfully apply what they're trying to say. They're sisters and were only 15 & 17 when they wrote it together, and it is SO good!!! Everything they say is backed up by Scripture, too, it's amazing!
Anyway, I hope this helps! I will be praying for you!!!
Love in Christ,
Traci

monica

to anonymous,traci and krlosier
on Monday, August 9, 2010 at 11:38 pm

Thank you so much for the prayers and advice, I really appreciated it:) I'm going to look for "So much more" at my local christian bookstore. It's probably meant for teenagers but I'm sure I can learn from it, especially if it's backed up by scriptures. I'm not convinced about the obeying my Dad thing yet, but I will def read the book and not make any decisions until I'm well informed. Thanks again everyone!:):)

Erin Davis

Monica
on Sunday, August 15, 2010 at 10:21 am

That is a big question. I've delayed responding to you because I had to give it some thought.

A couple of principles comet to mind here.

1. Honor your father.
The Bible repeatedly tells children to honor their parents. I don't think this has an age limit. I think even when you make your own decisions that don't exactly line up with his, you still have to honor him. Be kind and respectful at all times.

2. Make sure you have your facts straight.

I don't know your dad, but I do know the relationship between dads and daughters pretty well (I have three father figures, a dad, a step-dad and a father-in-law!) We often think our dad's are disappointed in us, when they aren't, simply because we want to please them so badly. I would recommend having a talk with your dad to try to determine what issues are really important to him and where he can give you some freedom to choose for yourself.

I like that you are digging in the Bible for answers to this issue. God's Word has a lot to say about how we are to respond to authority.

Have you discovered anything new in the Word since you last wrote? I would love to hear it.

Erin

monica

Re:
on Tuesday, August 17, 2010 at 12:41 am

Thanks for the advice:) I do always speak kindly and respectfully to my Dad. That's how I understood it too, and I definately consider what he says but sometimes I dont agree and feel like I'm responsible for my own life so i have to do what I believe I should be doing. I haven't really talked much about it with him, my sisters have, but they dont get anywhere because he's so sure that he's right and we're wrong and doesn't want to discuss it anymore. So we've decided to respect his wishes and not come anymore on Sunday for the bible study, etc and we're going to try to start our own with some friends and we're looking for a church. Maybe my Dad's approval of me has been on the same level as God's aproval of me. Yeah, I've been finding alot of new stuff in the bible lately that I never really understood before.
Ps. I'm reading Girls gone wise right now. It's awesome!! I was really impressed with the chapter: sexual conduct. I never thought of it that way before.

D.J.

To those arguing about tranlations...
on Wednesday, March 28, 2012 at 4:34 pm

Ladies, this is from the perspective of a husband, father and ordained minister. The original manuscripts from which the Bible we read today was taken, were written in Hebrew, Aramaic, and Greek, so unless you have a book written in those ORIGINAL vernaculars, YOU ARE STUDYING FROM A TRANSLATION. If it's in English, German, French, Vietnamese, Mandarin etc. it's not original. God gave us these translations to further the spread of HIS word. Some of the newer ones may leave a bit to be desired, but is it God's Word, or ours? If we don't own it, why are we arguing about it?

Marcia

Re:
on Friday, August 24, 2012 at 5:06 pm

I believe that when God states a gentle & quiet spirit is of value in his eyes, he is not meaning quiet in the sense the world thinks of quiet. God is instead meaning quiet as in not causing "noise"/chaos in our lives and those around us. This noise can be caused by gossiping, fighting, swearing, and encouraging others to fight. Those are things that create tremendous "noise"/chaos/strife in our live/& others, and God frowns highly upon them. I am a very outspoken/non-shy women. GOD made me that way. It isn't sinful or wrong for me to be this way, as long as I'm using my words to build others up and not to tear them down, thus creating "noise"/chaos in others lives. God bless!

Elise

thank you
on Tuesday, October 16, 2012 at 7:01 am

Thank you very much!

Stella

Contribution
on Friday, November 30, 2012 at 6:20 am

hi, had my quiet time on this scripture, 1 Pet 3:4 and also wondered what a quiet and gentle spirit meant. i googled and came to your sight. the blog really helped. thanks. also read a portion of Barnes Notes on the Bible about this scripture on www.biblos.com, just thought to share:
"The ornament of a meek and quiet spirit - Of a calm temper; a contented mind; a heart free from passion, pride, envy, and irritability; a soul not subject to the agitations and vexations of those who live for fashion, and who seek to be distinguished for external adorning. The connection here shows that the apostle refers to this, not only as that which would be of great price in the sight of God, but as that which would tend to secure the affection of their husbands, and win them to embrace the true religion"

Denise

Re:quiet spirit
on Thursday, June 13, 2013 at 12:38 pm

Thank you for the posting. I was wondering the same thing. The post was most helpful. We live in a society that valves outer beauty more than inner beauty. I am seeking to have that quiet spirit that is pleasing to God.

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