What advice would you give a friend with a broken heart?

posted by Erin Davis on 10/21/10 | Twitter: @ErinGraffiti
Category: Guys; ; 78 comments

Let me introduce you to my friend Sarah.

Actually, that's not her real name. I've changed her name for this post because what I am going to share with you is pretty private. But I've decided to share her struggles with you because I think we can all learn from them.

broken heart Here's some background. Sarah's a sophomore in high school. She loves Jesus. She has been a committed Christian since she was a little girl. Her parents love Jesus, too. They regularly attend church as a family. She's not allowed to date until her senior year. She's committed to purity. She's never been kissed and wants to wait to say, "I love you" until it really counts (preferably at the point when she is ready to become engaged).

And yet ... Sarah has a broken heart.

You see there's this guy. Sarah's had a major crush on him since eighth grade. They've become really close friends who spend a lot of time together. In fact, they call each other best friends. Recently he expressed interest in being more than friends. She agreed. They exchanged a few sweet text messages and a long hug or two and then ... nothing. He just stopped texting. He stopped calling. They were back in Friendville.

Sarah's been calling me a lot lately. She feels rejected. She feels confused. Mostly she just feels sad. She wants things to go back to the way they were before, but that's impossible. Her fella is interested in other girls, and she can't stand it. Because her heart is broken, she is fighting with her mom, dreading school, and skipping meals.

Here's the hardest part—Sarah did everything right. She didn't rush into romance. She followed God's purity standards. And yet, she's still struggling.

Because the Bible is a living book, I believe it has some tailor-made wisdom for Sarah's situation. I've been sharing God's truth with Sarah often recently. But since I'm an OMT (old married type), sometimes I get the impression that she's not sure I know what I'm talking about. It's true that it's been a very long time since I've had a broken heart. And to be honest, I didn't guard my heart as well as Sarah has when I was her age. I can't exactly say, "I've been there and done that and I know just how you feel."

But I know some of you have. You've kept a commitment not to date. You've stayed as far away from the line of sexual sin as possible. You desire to honor God with your romantic relationships, and still, your heart has been broken by a guy.

I want you to step into the role of truth speaker for a moment. What advice would you give to Sarah? What specific Scriptures would you use to encourage her? What has God taught you through your own struggle with brokenheartedness?

I will post my advice for those of you who are struggling like Sarah tomorrow. But for now, I want you to encourage each other. Just pretend you're having girl talk over a caramel latte (yum!). Sarah needs to hear from you, and I have a hunch that some of you need encouragement in this area, too.

Comments

HEY, GIRLS! We love hearing from you, but feel limited in the ways we can help. For one thing, we’re not trained counselors. If you’re seeking counsel, we encourage you to talk to your pastor or a godly woman in your life as they’ll know more details and can provide you with ongoing accountability and help. Also, the following comments do not necessarily reflect the views of Revive Our Hearts. We reserve the right to remove comments which might be unhelpful, unsuitable, or inappropriate.

Cupcake

One thing i have learnt
on Thursday, October 21, 2010 at 1:17 am

I have learnt this one thing, when i was rejected by guys that liked me and then stopped talking to me like Sarah,

I began to think that love was ugly or weak and that it turns people away and i didnt want to love anyone even God because i felt that it is a weak thing to do, but that is a lie, because of what Gods word says below,

Proverbs 15:17
Better a meal of vegetables where there is love than a fattened calf with hatred.

Proverbs 19:22
What a man desires is unfailing love ; better to be poor than a liar.- Everyone desires it

Proverbs 20:28
Love and faithfulness keep a king safe; through love his throne is made secure.

Proverbs 21:21
He who pursues righteousness and love finds life, prosperity and honor.

I have learnt that love is not ugly and its not weak, and now i am just trusting in God to bring that guy when its the right time and God is helping me to accept his love again, not sure if this has made sense lol

P.S i love caramel lattes lol

Lydia

a broken heart
on Thursday, October 21, 2010 at 1:25 am

I am in a similar situation. Many tears have been shed! But, I know that all things work together for good to those who love God with their whole heart. God is teaching me that only He can make me whole and friends and guys will let you down. A favorite verse of mine is Psalm 37:4 Delight thyself also in the Lord and He shall give thee the desires if thine heart. God knows your deepest desires better than you do. He sees the big picture. He is good. Don't give up doing right and surround yourself with godly women. Don't leave your first love!

Maggie

wooooaah
on Thursday, October 21, 2010 at 1:45 am

Ok Sarah, well I havnt exactly been in this situation but in a sense I definately understand that feeling of rejection. To be quite honest I personally would not know what to do if I myself were in that situation but I know this saying that many of you probably already know but I've come to realise that there is absolute truth in this.
“A woman’s heart should be so hidden in Christ, that a man should have to seek Him first to find her.” Maya Angelou

Its pretty simple really, if both a guy and girl are so insync with God and share a special bond of course eventually it wil, all fall into place. But in your situation this wasnt the case and maybe he wasnt meant to be involved with you? In terms of the heart break. realistically it's not going to go away straight away but drawing closer to God will ease the pain.

Heather

Re:
on Thursday, October 21, 2010 at 2:37 am

Wow, I can honestly say I've been thru a situation very similar to that. The things I have found that have really helped is praying, especially for the guy (because I have this problem of sometimes getting a bit... *ahem* angry when I see him around.) So instead of letting myself get angry or upset I just pray for him. Some verses that have really helped me are Isaiah 43:1-4. They have just reminded me that God loves me. Period. Doesn't matter what that guys thinks, God loves and has a better plan for me.
Another thing I found is I spent too much time alone with this guy. I only would really hang out with him alone, never in a group. This just sent my emotions on roller coaster and it sped things up faster than they should have been. So now I have committed myself to not dating till I'm 18. To stop myself from putting myself into that same situation with a guy, my goal is to not spend time alone with guys whenever avoidable. I'm like most girls and struggle with self confidence, so I want to find my worth in God first because I tend to find it in guys when I'm not careful. Anyways, hope that helps somebody just a bit.

Courtney

Re:
on Thursday, October 21, 2010 at 4:23 am

Wow, that's really hard. I'm not sure if I have any advice except that God has someone out there for you that's even better than this guy...but i know that doesn't really help much....

Rachel

Trust in God
on Thursday, October 21, 2010 at 5:56 am

Everything happens according to Gods plan, therefore you do not need to feel worried, but rather trust in the Lord, for "all things work together for the good of those who love him" Romans 8.28. Perhaps this guy is just not the one God had in plan for you and there is probably somebody else he has planned for you who will love you for all you are, until old age:) Perhaps God has put you through this trial to increase your faith, so hold onto his guidance knowing that his way is just and perfect.

flutist101

Guys
on Thursday, October 21, 2010 at 6:17 am

A few months ago there was a guy who I really liked and he really liked me he wasn't allowed to date but we were pretty much dating for 10 months we didn't do anything physical but we talked like we were dating. It was heart breaking for me because we were never allowed to do anything together so I only saw him once or twice a week. When his parents found out they tried to keep him as far away from me as possible and he became really controlling with me when i was around other people. I had to "break up" with him even though technically we weren't allowed to date and it broke my heart as much as it did his but through that God showed us both he had a bigger plan in mind and we needed to set our focus back on God. It's hard and I'm struggling with self worth but I'm trying to remember God loves me and I was hand picked for a purpose. I would tell Sarah I know how she feels but if this guy doesn't work out it means God has someone even better for her. I know from my own experience it's really hard to have guy friends but I do think it's important to keep them in your life even in tough situations.

Janine

I hurt for her...
on Thursday, October 21, 2010 at 7:23 am

I had the same problem, too. But since I had focused on other stuff like training my godly leadership skills, etc., I lost my focus about those guys (yes, guys). And the pain lessened.
Maybe she should focus on a skill or a hobby that she finds interesting or helpful and develop it. Then she will lose her pain about the guy.

Stephi

Re:
on Thursday, October 21, 2010 at 8:08 am

Hey, Sarah,
I am praying for you right now. God wants to use this in your life to draw you closer to Him. He has a plan for your life. Jeremiah 29:11 says "For I know the thoughts I think toward, saith the Lord. Thoughts of welfare and not of evil, to give you an expected end."

Steph

:(
on Thursday, October 21, 2010 at 8:46 am

I would tell Sarah that first of all I'm sorry. It stinks to be going through a situation like that. Especially when she didn't do anything obviously wrong to get her there.
I would tell her that she needs to let God's Truth speak to her heart to get through this. These aren't just over-quoted verses from an old book - these are portions of a living love letter to Sarah. She should take God's Truth personally.
1) God has a plan for Sarah's life. (Jeremiah 29:11)
2) God can and will heal Sarah's broken heart. (Psalm 147:3, 34:18)
3) God will bring good out of this situation. (Romans 8:28)
4) It will help Sarah heal if she forgives this boy from her heart. (Probably not telling him anything, but just knowing that she has truly forgiven him) (Ephesians 4:32)
5) God will help Sarah with this burden and give her rest. (Matthew 11:28, Psalm 55:22)
6) She needs to be purposeful about taking care of her body. She may not feel like it (and obviously doesn't since she's skipping meals), but she needs to. I found this from a website: "Having a broken heart puts tremendous stress on your physical and emotional wellbeing. That’s why it’s important to eat right, drink plenty of fluids, exercise and find time for relaxation. Force yourself to do these things, even if you don’t feel like it, and it will help you overcome depression and feelings of low self-esteem."
7) Sarah should surround herself with friends who will encourage her and love on her to help her get through this. (Ecclesiastes 4:9-10)

I wish I could give Sarah a hug. I've been in a similar situation...
I think a lot of us have! We need to rely on God's Truth and Biblical fellowship to get us through it.

Marouschka

Re:
on Thursday, October 21, 2010 at 9:31 am

Dear Sara, I don't really know any scriptures by heart but I can tell you this...if this guy did not stick around because you want to remain pure then he is not the right one for you. The right one will wait and do all the right things. The wait might seem endless and maybe even hopeless but don't give up. I am almost 27 and yes still waiting...I look around me at girls younger or my age...and I am happy I am not in their shoes...in hurt relationships...sharing their boyfriend or pregnant and alone! Please believe that whatever you dream, hope and pray for will come to pass because you are God's Child. Take care.

Kara

HELP!!
on Thursday, October 21, 2010 at 10:11 am

I am a 17 year old senior who has never dated, never kissed a guy or been kissed but have had many crushes. I currently like one of my guy friends "Teddy" and he has told me that he likes me back. We have known that we both like each other since September 12 but we are taking it very slow. We are talking about dating but nothing is certain. The bad thing about this is that both of us know that I am leaving for college in July and it makes it worse. He is a great guy and everything that I could ever want but I've had my heart broken before by another close guy friend. What I really want to know is if it would be worth it to date for only a couple of months? I don't know if I'd be able to handle a long distance relationship and I really don't want to break his heart or break mine by breaking up with him if we do date before I leave. Help please!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Rachel

I know how it feels!
on Thursday, October 21, 2010 at 10:37 am

Awww Sarah! I know how much it hurts, trust me! I dated this guy for nearly a year and we broke up just about a month and a half ago... it was so painful and it still is painful from time to time! We talk every so many days but I miss him so much and I'm sure you feel some of that too. At least it was sooner than later, right? I know being heartbroken is so difficult and so unfair! But when I talked with my youth pastor's wife, she told that it's okay to hurt and it's okay to be heartbroken because most people go through that. I do encourage you to let out all of that through just crying out to God! In my opinion, crying is admitting and acknowledging you're in pain and something is going on that you don't like, etc. and it feels great to just let it all out. I know when I broke up with my boyfriend, I did a decent bit of crying but I just want to let you know that I was not alone and neither are you. God has been with me through all that I have been through! And he is with you as well... God has some amazing plan for you life, just trust me, He's up in Heaven saying right now, "Sarah, if only you knew what I have planned for you, you wouldn't be crying tears of sorrow but of joy!" Our God is good, and while the pain you're going through now may seem too much, perhaps God was saving you from a tremendous load of pain if you had stayed with that guy.

Jesus loves you... :) Some wonderful Prince is out there for you, just keep waiting and know that you have hope in God!

Rachel Emberley

my thoughts
on Thursday, October 21, 2010 at 10:43 am

Sweet Sarah, I know how you feel. The exact same thing happened to me a few months ago. I know it hurts, especially when you feel like you did everything right. I know that when this happened to me, I started to believe that it was because I wasn't good enough. Please, please don't think that. You are God's creation, and you are beautiful. Just because you feel rejected right now doesn't mean that you are ugly or worthless. That's simply not true. What you need to do right now is bask in the love and grace of the One who will never reject you. It's ok to be sad. It's ok to cry, but don't let your emotions turn you away from God. Do just the opposite. Run to Him! Tell Him how you feel. He cares about You, and he promises that He is near to the broken hearted. You may be wondering why God allowed this to happen at all. I know that's something I struggled with. Let me share a verse with you, "And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose. 29 For those whom he foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the image of his Son..." (Romans 8:28-29a). Sarah, God wants you to become more like Christ. Sometimes becoming more like Christ involves suffering. I know that's hard to hear. But anything that causes you to run to Christ is a good thing. Something that helped me was to meditate on how much Christ suffered while He was on earth. Christ knows what is is to suffer and be hurt. And like I said before, He cares that you are suffering. Also, don't let this hurtful experience cause you to give up on being pure for Christ. God will bless you for wanting to please Him. It may not seem so now, but it's true. :) Something that also helped me when I was hurting was to get busy helping other people. Doing something unselfish for someone really helps to get the focus off your hurt and move on. And always remember who you are in Christ. I love you! Run to the cross, Sarah. <3

Arron

Jeremiah 29:11
on Thursday, October 21, 2010 at 11:06 am

I have a guy friend who I got sorta close to(on the friendship scale).I enjoyed hanging out with him. Randomly he started to(still will) ignore me.I don't think i did anything wrong.We where just friends.i was a little mad, hurt, and confused (still can be sometimes)But God has taught me to forgive this guy,and to love him like "He" does.Praying for him everyday has helped me to forgive him .i pray that he will become closer to God and that he will be really good at the things he does.Also memorizing Jeremiah 29:11 has helped
Sometimes those thoughts come back but God is helping me to get rid of them .Our friendship is still up and down. i guess in someways i am glad that everything happened the way it did.i have learned to trust in God and i now appreciate this guy for who he really is.

Anonymous

re
on Thursday, October 21, 2010 at 12:07 pm

I am very committed to waiting and saving like everything for my husband whoever he is, but its extremely hard. I have given my first hug away and i had this HUGE obsession I don't think you could call it a crush, but it wasn't love either. I don't think my heart was broken but I got pretty close to a broken heart with this guy at my church. He was all I ever talked about, thought about, and I stressed about it too cause I was afraid he didn't like me. I totally forgot about God. I was pretty obvious that I liked him. And it seemed like he did too. I was extremely happy when he would smile at me or talk to me, but then when he didn't I would be depressed. Then one night after this thing at my church my friend told me she had over heard him talking to a friend and he said as I walked by and looking at me "OK fine I'll flirt with her." When my friend told me that WOW it hurt. He was using me. But then the next day I was talking to the same friend about it and she said that she had talked to her older brother about it and he said that the guy i liked was just saying that so he wouldn't get teased. So, I was all happy again. The rest of the year went kinda like that. He started flirting with two of my friends, but we always found some excuse for it. Finally, I had enough. It was too much stress and hurt. It got to the point where I would throw up because I was so stressed. I started reading these books about waiting that I didn't want to read because of this guy. The books are "I Kissed Dating Goodbye" and "Boy Meets Girl" by Joshua Harris. Amazing books that totally make sense! Also Eric and Leslie Ludy have an AMAZING story! Anyway that whole thing with this guy brought me closer to God. Which was totally worth it in the end. It's still hard I see him every Sunday and Wednesday. We don't talk anymore. But every once in a while I still think about him. I've learned that being too involved with guys right now just brings hurt and it takes away from a beautiful relationship with your future husband. God uses strange things to bring you to Christ. This certain guy made me forget about God. Maybe that's why He's taken something away from you. God is supposed to be first. And I'm really telling myself this. God is the ONLY One who will be with you no matter what. Humans aren't capable to fill every spot in you heart. There's this one spot saved just for God and He's made so nobody can fill it but Him. Boys aren't going to solve your problems. I tried it and it didn't work. I'm only 14 I have 4 years until I can consider getting married. But if I use those years filling them with guys then I'm not going to be prepared for marriage. But if I use those years filling them with Jesus then I'm going to be prepared for everything God brings my way. Well there's my story. I hope it helped. :)

Claire

BH
on Thursday, October 21, 2010 at 4:34 pm

I'd like to encourage Sarah that Jesus is an expert in healing broken hearts, and Psa 34:17 The righteous cry out, and the LORD hears, And delivers them out of all their troubles.
Psa 34:18 The LORD is near to those who have a broken heart, And saves such as have a contrite spirit.
Psa 34:19 Many are the afflictions of the righteous, But the LORD delivers him out of them all.
God Bless, and hugs

another girl

Thanks & a response to Kara
on Thursday, October 21, 2010 at 5:00 pm

Thank you! A friend of mine has been going through the same thing. ): Maybe I can pass some of your comments on to her! It is so important to guard our hearts! Because our heart is so easily broken.(you all probably know that)
Proverbs 4:23
Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life.

This verse says "Above all else" this is so important

Philippians 4:7 And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

God truly holds all the answers! Continue to seek Him! Let Him fulfill you! He will NEVER fail you!

Kara- I would first of all encourage you to seek God, he holds the answers! And also talk to your parents about it, what's their advice? Maybe talk to other mature christian adults who know you.
Also ask yourself: Is marriage a possibility in the next couple years? If not what's the point of getting into a relationship now? You ask if it would be worth it to date a couple months. My guess is that if you date a couple months you will get closer and it will be even harder to break up then. Really try to look pass him (even though that might seem impossible) and look to God. What would God want you to do? I also agree with anonymous that "I Kissed Dating Good-bye" and "Boy Meets Girl" by Joshua Harris are very good! As well as "When God Writes Your Love Story" by Eric and Leslie Ludy! Maybe they would help as well! I'll be praying!

Lizeth

my advice
on Thursday, October 21, 2010 at 5:43 pm

well, I was in a similar situation a couple of months before, and what God taught me was, "trust me" if this guy stopped calling you and talking to you is because he is not the guy God has for your life. It is better if you don't try to call his attention, if God let this happen is because He has an endless purpose with this for your life, and remember Rom. 8:28. You are in God's hands, let Him to control your life. This is what I did and last week, because of something that happened with my friend I realized that he is not the correct guy, and once again God took care of me.

Sarah

This sounds so much like me
on Thursday, October 21, 2010 at 5:46 pm

When I read this post I was like whoa!!! I felt like I was reading my own personal story. I can't say that my heart has been broken but everything else is exactly my story. And I have this deep fear that sooner or later I will have that heart break. I'm only in high school (and yes even a sophomore too, told you it was my story!) so I am pretty sure that I won't marry him, but let me tell you he defiantly likes me. And I am pretty sure that if I didn't already have a rule of no dating till after I graduate from high school I would be dating him. I've taken so many steps to guard myself! But I'm still afraid that I will get broken in the end, because I can't control what guys do, only what I do. Anyways, I will be looking forward to reading the next post, because I don't want to wait until it happens I want to be as guarded and prepared as I can be.

Allie

Re:
on Thursday, October 21, 2010 at 5:47 pm

Sarah, I know what it feels like because I'm going through the exact same thing almost. I had a crush on this guy last year and the beginning of this year, mostly because he was the first 'good guy' I had met since I moved 3 years ago. Well, he was a good guy until I saw him doing something not so good. While I'm glad I saw it, it still hurts because now I'm having all these doubts about myself and my future. Even though I never actually wanted to date him, he was my hope that good guys actually existed in this world, which was probably not a good idea in the first place. Anyway, I hope it gets better for both of us.

Sarah

"God sets in pain the Jewel of His joy
on Thursday, October 21, 2010 at 6:06 pm

Hey forgot a part. sorry. The whole point of the last post was to say that I understand how a girl can do everything right and guard her heart, but guys still like you and want to be your boyfriend. If I talked to Sarah personally I probably wouldn't know what to say to her\you but I would pray with her\you. So I say to you God will reveal what is best for you in the exact right timing, but for now just trust in him and know that "all things work together for good to them that love God and are called according to His purpose." (I think that is Romans) And also go grab a good friend, someone you trust and ask her to pray with you, it sounds so simple but it has gotten me through the hard times before and I know it will work. God always would empress upon my heart that He was still there and He was my Daddy wanting to just wrap me up in a big bear hug and dry away all my tears. Hope this helped! And I'm praying for you!

Madeline

Broken hearts
on Thursday, October 21, 2010 at 6:28 pm

God does all things according to His purpose. He will never leave us or forsake us.

Natalie

Re:
on Thursday, October 21, 2010 at 8:37 pm

you have just described my life in your post......but it has brought me closer to Jesus, for which i am thankful for!

Re:
on Thursday, October 21, 2010 at 10:24 pm

I've never had my heart broken before, though I have had friends with broken hearts. I'm not sure how it feels, but I do know God can mend anything. It may take time, but God will take care of you. I hope Sarah starts feeling better soon and realizes God has someone great in store for her. Forgive the boy who hurt you and let God do the mending. Easier said than done, but I know it's possible :)

3*girl

re: Kara
on Thursday, October 21, 2010 at 10:27 pm

Kara, my advice to you would be to pray about starting a relationship with Teddy. If he is a Godly guy and you feel that he is the type of guy you would want to date and have a relationship with i think it would be good for you to begin a relationship with him. I personally have been through a long-distance relationship (i am still in the relationship but it is no longer long-distance) and it is hard but if a couple is meant to be then they can make it through even challenging times of separation. The Lord can bring you together in His perfect timing. I also would advise you to ask some mature Christian adults for their advice. If you just trust the Lord He has His own way of working these things out. I also think it is good that you are taking things slowly because if you rush into things now it will make it harder for when you have to leave for college. I just smiled when I read your post because it is so similar to the situation I am in. I too am 17 and a senior and never been kissed and am in my first relationship. I know that God has His wonderful ways of working in our relationships because He cares about us so much and He will take care of every part of our lives. If you feel that it is God's will for you to have a relationship with Teddy then He will make a way and everything will be fine, even if you do have to begin a long distance relationship. Those books mentioned that are written by Joshua Harris and the Ludy's are great books too, I would recommend them to anyone (especially the Ludy's book for your situation).

To all the other girls out there, you just need to make sure you are always in God's will and pleasing Him and He can bring the perfect guy to you and He can bless you with a beautiful love story. First, we need always our fulfillment in Christ our Saviour then we can truly have a beautiful love story. <><

Joy

Dearest Sarah
on Thursday, October 21, 2010 at 11:11 pm

I feel for you. Know that you aren't alone in this. I am going through a similar situation to yours in my life right now and one of the verses that has helped me out is Psalm 62:8 "Trust in Him at all times; ye people, pour out your heart before Him: God is a refuge for us."

We need to know and believe that no matter what happens in our lives GOD CAN BE TRUSTED. By His grace we can stand on His promises:

He is always up to something good in my life.
(Jer. 29:11; Rom. 8:26-34)

He will always give me the grace I need.
(2 Cor. 9:8; 2 Cor. 12:9-10)

He is always in control of all things.
(Is. 46:9-10)

He is always trustworthy.
(Num.23:19; Deut. 7:9; 31:8)

He is always wise in what He does.
(Rom. 11:33; Col. 2:3; Rev. 15:3-4)

No matter what we think or feel like, His promises are sure. Everything that happens in our lives has been filtered through His loving fingers. He has a purpose in it. His thoughts and His ways are higher than ours.

POUR OUT YOUR HEART BEFORE HIM. He knows you, your desires and dreams...yet He wants you to pour out your heart to Him, to tell Him what is going on, how you feel, what you think. He loves you and cares for you. One of the things that has helped me the most is daily walking and just talking with Him about everything that is going on. I go on a walk, alone with just Him, and talk to Him about all that is happening, just pouring my out my heart to Him. And He listens. Because He cares. He knows all our tears and our heartaches.

OUR ETERNAL GOD IS A STRONG REFUGE FOR US. We can run to Him and be safe. He won't forsake or leave us. He wraps his eternal arms around us and will never let us go. Many times when I feel I just can't take anymore and wonder about what is going on I ask Him for a hug...and though I cannot physically feel it I know He is near and He gives me a peace that can't be explained.

So during this time of broken dreams and plans remember to trust Him, run to Him, pour out your heart to Him. He is the Healer of broken hearts. He cares for you. If your heart were never broken you wouldn't ever have the experience nor joy of knowing Him personally as the Healer of broken hearts.

I wish God's best for you, dear sister in Christ.

Shanni

Dwell
on Friday, October 22, 2010 at 12:10 am

Dear sarah,
When we weep, God weeps. He is the ultimate comforter. Probably he will use this to bring you closer to Him. take heart. You still have and will always have your treasure.

Alyssa

Some advice. . .
on Friday, October 22, 2010 at 6:14 pm

Although my situation wasn't exactly like yours, it was very similar. My sphmore year a guy I liked had stopped talking to me completely and it did break my heart. What got me through was praying about it constantly, for him and for myself. I knew that the lord had me in that situation for a reason---and that's my advice to you. Pray about it genuinely, even if it seems like it's not working. Your relationship with the lord is WAY more important than your relationship with an earthly man. Nothing hurtful happens in your life without passing through God first which means he put this in your life for a reason. Pray to God that He shows you His reason and that His will be done. It's not going to heal overnight, but eventually your heart will be healed 120% and filled with more lovefor God.

bryonna

Re:
on Friday, October 22, 2010 at 9:07 pm

i hv been going through the exact thing. jst lik tht, as if i wznt good enough, and when i feel tht way i read Hebrews 13;5

"Never will i leave you, Never will i foorsake you."

and i knw tht God loves me and cares for me. yes, the hurt and pain is still there and i still wonder why, and how i aint good enough but i knw tht God still loves me.. nd its everlasting, nt a fling.

Miss Anonymous

Sarah
on Friday, October 22, 2010 at 10:53 pm

Read Psalm 23 :)
Don't feel brokenhearted. Just know that this is all gonna pass. Its not like you're going to marry the guy. Remember, God is bigger than than ALL of our problems. He can help you. Just call out to Him. And... being God's Girl is the greatest name you could ever get in history. Not so-and-so's girlfriend

Faith<3

Read Psalms 73:26
on Saturday, October 23, 2010 at 1:00 am

Trust in the Lord with all thine heart and lean not unto thine own understanding.
I know many of us have heard this one a lot. We should never get used to the Lord though. He can and will take us through any storm, if we trust him. I have seen some of my close friend's heartbreaks, and they were doing it all right too. Sarah, and all you other girls, you are children of God! start counting your many blessings every day, and maybe things might change :)

Rebekah Batterink

Sarah
on Saturday, October 23, 2010 at 11:59 am

Psalm 42: 1,2 speak about drawing close to God, at the deep pants for the streams of water so my soul pants for God. Even though you have been torn keep your focus on Christ and draw CLOSE to Him. He loves more than any young man could and ever will and His relationship is for eternity and it never disappoints. I admire the standards you placed and even though you were doing the right thing there is still an important reason why God planned the events of your life this way. I always felt the deepest times I struggled I felt calling me back to Him so don't become discouraged but stand firm in Christ.

*Psalm 61 and 91*

Chloe

Advice For Sarah
on Saturday, October 23, 2010 at 12:36 pm

I would try to remember that one day a guy is going to come along who truly loves you and cares about you. He is going to respect your wishes and wait until you are grown up to date him. And he's going to be worth the wait because you'll know that he respects you more then this guy does. Sure, we all feel better when we have a guy who says that he cares about us but sometimes that's not everything. For now, I would suggest to Sarah that she surrounds herself with friends and family that she loves. Have fun with those people for now. And when the right guy comes along you will have a better relationship because you'll have the wisdom that some many other girls don't.

Savannah

re
on Saturday, October 23, 2010 at 8:16 pm

I have been in the exact same situation as Sarah. What I did was remind myself "If it's meant to be then it will be. If it's not God has somone much better planned for me." Or "Even though guy may break your heart, Jesus never will and He's always there for us." That always helps me a lot : )

Thalia

Me too... x2!!
on Monday, October 25, 2010 at 1:56 pm

An guy acquantince of mine told me that one of my other guy friends was a total flirt, and was trying to get me to fall for him. I was skeptical at first, but then I saw the signs. this other guy friend was flirting with me. It broke my heart. I broke contact.
I was recently in another situation where one of my best friend's brothers told me that he liked me. This made it awkward because I saw her all the time, and whenever I saw her, he was there. He emailed me and apologized, and now we're slowly working on just a friendship. Sarah, try texting this guy and aplogizing if you did anything in any way. it worked when the guy apologized to me, it will work if you aplogize to him!

Mackenzi

A great song about waiting
on Saturday, October 30, 2010 at 12:36 am

For Those Who Wait by Fireflight
"This is for those who wait
Another day, another waiting game
A little different, but it's still the same
I am here, but who's the one
I'm longing for?
I'm having trouble feeling all alone
Will my heart ever find a home?
I want to hope, but sometimes
I just don't know
I know I'm not the only one
So we sing a lullaby to the lonely hearts tonight
Let it set your heart on fire
Let it set you free
When you're fighting to believe
In a love that you can't see
Just know there is a purpose
For those who wait
I want to open up my eyes
I know that all I need is time
I'm growing stronger every single day
God, I'm going to lean into You now
Letting go of all my fear and doubt
I can't do this on my own so
I give You control
I know I'm not the only one
So we sing a lullaby to the lonely hearts tonight
Let it set your heart on fire
Let it set you free
When you're fighting to believe
In a love that you can't see
Just know there is a purpose
For those who wait
The pressure makes us stronger
The struggle makes us hunger
The hard lessons make the difference
The pressure makes us stronger
The struggle makes us hunger
The hard lessons make the difference
And the difference makes it worth it
So we sing a lullaby to the lonely hearts tonight
Let it set your heart on fire
Let it set you free
When you're fighting to believe
In a love that you can't see
Just know there is a purpose
For those who wait"
I love that song and all of Fireflight's songs. They really understand and I can relate or want everything they sing about! You should check them out!

Monet

I totally understand!
on Tuesday, November 2, 2010 at 2:01 pm

so, i am 15 and have had my heart broken 5 times by the same boy! We are now a couple, but in past years, we were together, then not, then together again. I started fraying for him and his FUTURE WIFE, and found that i was close to him again, and in august, he asked my poppa if he could be my Boyfriend, and we are closer than close now. He is talented, but i dont think that he would have done that without knowing that we are right for eachother. oh, and when i prayed for his future wife to be up to his standards, I met his, my bf's, standards!!!! XD

Lydia

I'm sorry.
on Wednesday, November 3, 2010 at 1:23 am

I'm sorry about what you are going through. I've been in a similar situation. Yet, because of LYWB ( the book), I memorized a verse that has greatly helped me and will continue to.
Ps. 73:25 - "Whom have I in heaven but Thee? and there is none upon earth that I desire beside Thee."
God will fulfill your emotional desires and needs. He'll help you through the hurt. The young man was wrong in the way he treated you, but God will help you forgive him! And God will uphold you. Pray and tell God what you're feeling, and ask Him to give you the strength He gave to women like Hannah (Samuel's mother) and Leah (Jacob's first wife) to overcome your jealousy. God won't leave you hanging. He is good!

lucy

me too!!
on Thursday, November 4, 2010 at 11:24 pm

i haved also had my heart broken by a guy i loved so much ener since 3rd grade it been a long time and even today i still miss him even though he hurted my feelings in all kind of ways but god knows exactly what you are going through and all you have to do is believe in him and he will heal you

Alex

Wow..
on Sunday, November 7, 2010 at 10:01 pm

Wow. I know exactly how Sarah feels. I've had a major crush on a guy since 7th grade (I'm a freshman) and I have made a promise to by date till I am at Least 16 so I never dated him even though we liked each other alot. We became extremely close and called each other best friend for a long time. Well, not long after we decided we wernt ready to date, and before we became so very close, he dated my vest friend for 6 months. After they broke up we became best friends. Now, a little over a year later, we aren't close at all. He dated a non Christian, he went against his promises to me and promises to God with this relationship. We got in a fight about it 6 months ago and we havnt been the same, I've been broken so hard that I can't explain. I did everything right. I prayed for him, I cared about him, I don't know why he stopped caring about me..

There aren't words for everything about to spill out of my brain for it, so I'll stop writing.. But to those who have felt broken hearts, I'm praying for you to have strength and I know how it feels.

-alex

Lis

God heals
on Monday, November 8, 2010 at 8:41 pm

Hi dear Sarah!! I know what it is to have a broken heart. You think that the world is over and you don´t want to live the next day.
I had my first heartbroken when I was 13. The guy was five years older than me. Every night I would cry and cry... until I got tired of it. I realized that I did not want my life to be marred. So I decided to give back the control to God, (I had three months of being a Christian). It took time, but as I got involved in activities I like I started to forget all about my aching heart. Now, after almost three years, I have forgotten all about it. I just remember it when I see the guy, but since we did not talked again, I do not have feelings. So, that would be my advice. Be ready to forget and forgive. Give the control of your life to God, because He knows what is best for you. Get involved in activities you like, and in serving those who are around you. Fill your mind with God´s thought, which are found in His Word.

P.S. Don´t reject the difficult situation of life which are preparing you for eternity.

Kara

RE: another girl & 3*girl
on Saturday, November 13, 2010 at 10:54 pm

WOW! I can say that I wasn't expecting this much help or advice and I thank both of you for that. I have read both of the Josh Harris books and LOVED them, and I'll look up the other book, it sounds very interesting. As to Teddy, he is a great, mature, godly guy. Through this whole thing, god has been teaching me patience (I'm a very impatient girl) and trust. I know that if I really want this relationship I have to trust God and basically give up my dream. Its very hard because I see him every Sunday and Wednesday, and we email back and forth a lot. He treats me like I have never been treated before and I can tell that he really cares. He knows that I'm willing to wait, and if it truly is God's will, then I will wait for as long as need be. All our friends approve and believe that it will work out but I know that it really doesn't matter what they think or what their advice is. I haven't really talked about it with my mentor because we haven't gotten together recently but it is my top priority of discussion the next time we meet.

Again thanks for the advice and please keep praying for me!

I love you all!

LydiaSing

Just what I needed to hear!
on Wednesday, November 17, 2010 at 10:54 am

I was going threw this situation a couple of years ago.. I'm in high school and it is very hard to remain pure.. but I have and I intend to until I'm married! I have never kissed or been kissed by a boy. (my father dosen't count ;) I would encourage all of you to set yourselves some personal goals, such as I will not kiss until I'm married, I will keep my virginity.. and so on. Heart break hurts! My dad is a Pastor at a small church and I've always been introduced to people as 'this is Lydia, the Pastors daughter!' I couldn't stand it for the longest time.. but then I realized that being a pastors kid helps me remain pure. the bible is constantly talking about having the heart of a child, then I realized what that meant! Keep pure and innocent, like a child! I would always be mad at the kids at school for not telling me what they were talking about before I had walked up to them but I realize now that they were trying to protect me! I like what one of the girls said above.. “A woman’s heart should be so hidden in Christ, that a man should have to seek Him first to find her.”
God is preparing your Prince.. you just have to trust Him and what for His perfect timing! <3

Hizgirl4evr

wow........
on Friday, November 19, 2010 at 8:53 am

Sarah, I want to let you know, that, with a God given gift, I feel your heart break. I would like to share with you my story, and let you know that I also hold my standards high, and have never dated a guy. In your situation, I would continue to look for Godly counsel and ask God to give you peace, and to heal your broken heart. Here is my story......... I have just recently moved across the world (to asia), and I left behind a guy that I have crushed on for about three years. Now, we never admitted to each other that we liked the other, but both of us knew it. We never had a "romantic" relationship. I can honestly say he was one of my best friends. But, being a girl, I got emotionally attached, and really miss him. I talked to some of my friends, and they all said that he is going through a depression like stage, all starting after I left, and that he is always asking about me. Before I left, I was in this program like the JROTC, and we would hang out. But, after the meetings, he would walk me out to the car, talking the whole way. When I got my license, he got his first chance to walk me out to my car, alone. When we got there, he gave me a gift, a necklace charm, *really* pretty. I was almost in tears.

I can tell you that I miss him, and even though we have continued to remain in contact that I feel I have a broken heart.

I hope that this helps you a little, if any. I just want to add, PRAY THAT GOD GROWS HIM TO BE A MAN OF CHRIST!!

I would HIGHLY recommend a book I have read, and am doing a deep study in. It is Preparing to be a Help Meet, by Debbie Pearl. This woman's book is an EXCELLENT way to learn about how to pray for a warrior in Christ, and your future husband.

I pray that God heals your broken Heart, and that he gives you peace!

With all of my heart....

HizGirl

anne

To Edavis:
on Saturday, November 20, 2010 at 1:31 pm

Hi.
i really need some advice. My brother(who i absolutely adore) is coming home from college this Thanksgiving. He is bringing his girlfriend (who i don't exactly adore, but i really love). They are one of the sweetest couples i know, and it really shows. Well, my heart was absolutely crushed about 4 months ago, and it sometimes still hurts. i wasn't in a relationship, but this guy really let on that he liked me, then he dated someone else, who then broke up with him. I'm afraid that when my bro and his gf come home, i'll be constantly depressed because i'll be wishing that someone would treasure me the way i see him love on her(not physically). i feel like no one wil ever feel that way about me or treat me like that.................PLEASE HELP!!! How can I still have a good time with them??

FaithfulFriend

</3
on Saturday, November 20, 2010 at 9:54 pm

If anyone reads this i would really appreciate if you would pray for my friend who is really blinded by a guy thats not at all good for her because shes a passionate christian and he distracts her from God --- and everything else.As her friend Im really looking out for her but she wont listen to anyone about it.This is God's job,but I know you dont know her but if you could just pray for her that would be great.Thank you:)

Anne

To Faithful Friend
on Monday, November 22, 2010 at 9:07 am

You are a really good friend, i can tell. I've had friends that had guy friends and lied about it and they got in big trouble. I will be praying for you and for your friend!! Don't give up!!!!

anne

comfuzzled
on Monday, November 22, 2010 at 11:54 am

I had a fellow tell me right before church that he needed to talk to me.. then he wouldn't ask me what he had intended to......his friend said that he chickened out.....my very amazing christian brother said that he may ask me to be his sweetheart. My dad is awesome, but uber protective, so I can't date. I want to be prepared if he does ask me that......how do I tell him gently?????

FaithfulFriend

Re:Anne
on Monday, November 22, 2010 at 3:10 pm

Thank u:)

Hizgirl4evr

To Anne
on Monday, November 22, 2010 at 9:31 pm

I understand. I have often thought of what I would say if someone does ask me out. I think the best way to put it is "wow, that is wonderful, thinking that you would want me as your sweetheart, I would gladly take the offer, but I also have a promise to my parents, and (as it goes with promises) to God, and that is that I will save my heart for the one I will marry. Again, that is a *very* sweet offer. Do you mind staying just friends?"

He might avoid you all together for a while, because of HIS heartbreak, but, don't assume that if he doesn't, that it is all back to the same way it was. Give him time, and don't try to "mend it all up". It will make him avoid you even more.

The guy I was previously talking about, didn't ask me out, because I had made it clear, and didn't mind talking about my choice (and promise, which I wear with a ring) to NOT date. He respected that, because, he new that I didn't mind being friends, and even though we like each other, our friendship never became odd.

I hope this helps with this relationship you have with this guy, no matter on what level, and that it will help with future ones as well.

With His Love,

Hizgirl

Anne

to hiz girl
on Thursday, November 25, 2010 at 6:34 pm

Thanks for the advice!!!!!! I find out this Sunday what he is going to say.......stay tuned:)

Hizgirl4evr

To Anne
on Saturday, November 27, 2010 at 6:38 am

Your welcome!!!

I love to be able to help people!!! I pray that all goes well!!!

God Bless

Hizgirl

Anne

to Hiz Girl
on Sunday, November 28, 2010 at 11:30 pm

Hey!
I have to say, he asked me a totally different question than I thought. He wanted to know about if my friend thought he liked her. To make a long story short, I still was able to scramble up a decent answer.......thanks for praying!!!

Christiana

Sarah did "everything right"?
on Wednesday, December 1, 2010 at 5:44 pm

You say that Sarah "did everything right."

According to today's Christian standards for dating... yes. She didn't have sex, she didn't sneak around, she didn't even kiss the guy. Sooo she's still "pure."

Or is she? I believe that Christians today champion physical purity (which is wonderful) but are running rampant in the area of EMOTIONAL promiscuity.

Heartbreak doesn't happen only if you've been physically close with someone. It can be even worse if you were close emotionally. Guys are girls are not supposed to be "best friends." Trust me, I've been there and done that. There needs to be some guarding of our hearts; some separation between the genders. No, you should not share your deep thoughts and feelings and worries with a guy friend. You should not spend any significant amount of time texting or commuicating (and ultimately getting close to) a guy. Go for a female friend or sister instead. Radical? Yes, in this day and age. Sensible? Completely!

I would comfort Sarah, because I know what it's like to be where she is. 1 Corinthians chapter one has something to say about God comforting us in our miseries so that we can comfort others.

I'd also recommend to her the amazing book, "Passion and Purity" by Elisabeth Elliot. Or "Preparing To Be A Helpmeet" by Debi Pearl. Or "I Kissed Dating Goodbye" by Josh Harris. Oustanding, all of them.

Hizgirl4evr

Christiana
on Monday, December 6, 2010 at 9:42 pm

Yes, you are right, and I have to admit, I did actually over look all of that (not on purpose).

I totally agree. I try really hard not to give my personal feelings to a guy. If it is tempting, I try and go to a girlfriend.

I will second you on the books! These are great books for girls trying to figure out the why not's and and learning how to look to God, and not guys. I can add to the list with "Authentic Beauty", by Leslie Ludy, and "Before you meet Prince Charming" by Sarah Mally. All of these books helped me to understand the promise I made to Myself, my parents, and to God. I would not want you all to miss out on these books!!

Alliegator

This is me.
on Thursday, December 9, 2010 at 7:56 pm

Sarah, I am exactly where you were. I'm a sophmore and I met this guy we'll call him "Ethan". Anyway this boy was different than any other guy I knew at the time. He was sweet and funny and one amazing Christian. And we talked and he even expressed that he liked me and we even sat down and talked baout how far physically we would go, like boundaries. Next thing I know, he's telling me he doesn't like me, that God doesn't want us to date right now. I was so not getting this vibe. At all. Then he made me fell stupid by acting like I was the only one who liked him during the relationship, he had never liked me. He has started avoiding me and he doesn't even want to be friends. It hurts but I know God is going ot use this somehow. Keep your head up Sarah, I'm in your boat(:

Aaveri

Advice:
on Wednesday, December 15, 2010 at 1:26 pm

I'll admit I am not the best person to ask advice for, because a lot of times I'll just say "I would say I am sorry but that won't help so just suck it up." In this case though I say do what I did and put all your energy into reading your Bible and praying the Lord can help you through anything.

laine

broken heart
on Friday, December 17, 2010 at 10:59 am

i have one best best guy friend right now and we talk pretty much all day and now everynow and then call eachother. we are just friends neither of us want to date. but its SO hard to not fall for him. i mean i actually have feelings for this guy and he said he might have em for me too. but i don't want to date. and he has tried to ask me out before but i said no. i don't know what to do about it. i mean he started talking about another girl one time that he might have liked and i tried being a good friend and say "thats great" but i died inside. its hard.. and i don't know what to do. fyi he doesn't like that girl anymore...

pony girl

Flutist101
on Friday, December 17, 2010 at 7:50 pm

Oh man, I was almost in the same situation as you! Only, I dated the guy..... For about a year. Yes, when one day, I swear, God practically moved me to the phone and made me break it off. It had just gone, WAAAAAY too far. I was young. very young, dating a guy 3rs older than me. The only reason the relatonship started, is because I dont look my age and I was searching for acceptence. At the time, i was not being accepted from any girls in my class, I was new, had never been to school b4 because I had been homeschooled. When a guy, who was in highschool asked me out, I couldnt believe it. Therefore, let him basically take advantage of me. GIRLS: DO NOT LET A GUY DO SOMETHING YOU DONT WANT HIM TO!! Your souls become insync and you will go through heartbreak. I was almost an entire summer getting over him. I didnt do what he did though: He felt he NEEDED a GF. He dated 8 girls! Short, pitiful relationships. Dont get yourself in that situation. Go to God, go to a parent etc. It s a lie from Satan that we need to be in a relationship to be loved. Wow, that just helped me! Writing sometimes makes things make sense to me. lol

Kangaroo

I know she feels!
on Tuesday, January 11, 2011 at 9:22 pm

Sarahs situation sounds just like mine... I know i'm loved by God. And sometimes I think i'm really over this guy. I can tell myself "God is enough for me! Who cares what that boy thinks of me anymore?!" But sometimes it still hurts. Alot. Why does the hurt keep coming back? I'm so tired of it...

lynn

my broken heart
on Saturday, January 29, 2011 at 8:54 am

i've been about in the same situation. but idk wat to do i mean i've like this boy since third grade and i feel that God wants me to be with him. but the thing is hes my friend and he was my boyfriend they we broke up then he was my boyfriend then we broke up and idk if i should wait to tell him how i feel but i think i should. but its hard.ur not alone sarah

Maddie

So feel your pain =(
on Monday, January 31, 2011 at 12:02 am

I used to have a crush on this one guy, and my -ahem- lovely brother told him I liked him, and...well, let's just say he teased/flirted with me. I hated it, and I was set out on revenge. Yes, revenge. The kind of revenge talked about in songs, books, movies...
After awhile, I talked to my mom about it, and she suggested forgiveness. Of course I was outraged at the very idea of that! FORGIVENESS TO A GUY THAT MADE ME CRY?! No way! But afte awhile, I expressed myself by taking up songwriting to get my feelings out and forget about the guy. It worked! To this day, I have forgiven him and talk to him, but it won't ever be the same, sadly. So Sarah, the advice is: forgive, forget, and love. He is oblivously missing out on one awesome one-of-a-kind gal! So forgive him, get on with your life, and wait for the one. He'll come at just the right moment!

Bri

Monet
on Saturday, February 5, 2011 at 6:00 pm

Monet I hope your still reading this.
I want to encourage you to be VERY, VERY careful! You are only 15. This boy may think that you match up to his standards, but what if he realizes you don't?
I am saying this because I too had this guy I really liked (and still do) and he meets all of MY standards. The only problem is I'm only 16, I'm no where near ready to be married and have no idea who God has planned for me to marry. Even though I THINK this may be the guy, I don't KNOW and I won't for at least two more years. After reading "I Kissed Dating Goodbye" by Josua Harris, "Before You Meet Prince Charming" by Sarah Mally, and "Lies Young Women Believe" I realized that I wasn't ready for a relationship with a guy and what I really needed to do was focus on my realationship with God.
Again I plead with you to be VERY< VERY, VERY careful.

i_am_what_i've_overcome

I'm sorry!
on Sunday, March 13, 2011 at 6:37 pm

I am so sorry for you Sarah. Broken hearts stink. Here's a verse I really like:
"For none who wait for you will be put to shame." Psalm 25:3
It gives me hope that my waiting will be worth something someday.
I suggest that you really listen to God right now. Lean into Him. Journal, pray, and read your bible. He knows about your broken heart and only wants the best for you. Right now, you're one broken heart closer to finding true love. In the end, it'll be worth it.
Love,
i_am_what_i've_overcome
P.S. You deserve your own liter of Ben & Jerry's. You are beautiful! :)

All4Christ

Help?
on Wednesday, April 6, 2011 at 10:04 pm

Alright, so I'm a regular blogger. But my username is undercover right now. ;)
Lately, I really just need help. How do you get over someone once you've spent so long getting attached to them? So here's my story:
I am fifteen, and I've liked this one guy since 7th grade. Longgg story short, I liked him, but he already had a girlfriend. (I was in 8th; he in 9th.) He helped me through so many things, and he became my hero. We grew closer together and became best friends. We talked a lot through email and texting, until my parents told us we couldn't communicate outside of school anymore. This hurt me soooo much, so I decided to be rebellious and play around with the rules. As wrong as it was, I broke the rules and became all the more attached to him. Summer came, and I finally confessed to my parents about us talking all the time. That summer we never talked, and our friendship wasn't as strong.
My freshman year, (this year) around September, he started acting like he liked me back. (He knew I liked him, because I had told him awhile back. Another wrong thing.) At this point him and his girlfriend weren't together anymore. So we flirted and started breaking the rules more until the end of October. When we were on a field trip at a play, he reached for my hand....and that's when it all went crazy. Until December 8 it was crazy. We were "fake-dating" (we were together and everyone knew it EXCEPT my parents), sneaking around and holding hands and stuff like that, and always trying to get away with stuff. He told me he loved me. He told me that I took away thoughts of his past. And I loved him. Finally all my dreams were coming true! I did everything I possibly could for him! Including compromising some things that I knew were wrong....The first week of December was crazy. Sneaking around at school, we got into some really wrong stuff. When we texted and IMed, it started to become kinda impure.
Then he told me how wrong this all was. He told me we were breaking rules and sinning. I was barely allowed to talk to him let alone all of this! He told me that neither of us were mature for a relationship yet. He said he knew it would hurt both of us, but we couldn't do any of this because it hurts our spiritual lives. I knew he was right, and respected him so much for that. So we were back to being friends again. This hurt me alot, but we strengthened eachother spiritually and grew so much for a while.
January came, and somehow we managed to get back into physical stuff. We acted less like we were together, but then ended up going back to holding hands all the time, sneaking around just trying to be alone....and I loved it. I knew it wasn't right, but I only wanted what I wanted. He still told me that he loved me, and we were kinda back together again. The end of January came, and this girl from our school came back from Florida after being there a month. January 31st, he tells me that we need to stop all of this again. It hurt me, but I understood. February 1, the girl came back and he started paying CRAZY attention to her and not to me. About a week later, they decide they like eachother...and just like that they are together. He does the exact same stuff he did with me...to her.
So now? It's been two months and I'm still heartbroken. Nothing feels different than it did. I am reaping the consequences for sooo many of my sins, and trying to get caught up in God again. I feel so guilty for everything I've done...and I'm still miserable. After everything I gave him, after everything I did for him, he dumped me for "spiritual reasons" and moved right onto another girl. He lied to me so much after this, and still tells me he cares about me but ignores me. I'm forced to watch them every single day and it kills me. I fill up with bitterness, anger, and hate....but realize that I'm just trying to cover up my pain. I've been talking to God and growing spiritually more than ever, but I still can't seem to get out of this pit. My life verses so far have been Isaiah 40:29-31...and they have helped so much! God has given me so many friends and blessings, but I still feel so betrayed and hurt. There is more to the story...so much more he did to me, but I'm not gonna share it now.
I realize how wrong everything I did was...and I know that I have to pay for it now. But...I'm tired of crying. I'm tired of feeling hurt and empty. I just want to feel alive again.
Advice? (So much of this advice above has helped btw!)

Erin Davis

All4Christ
on Wednesday, April 13, 2011 at 2:46 pm

I wish I could wave a magic wand and make things better for you. But...it doesn't work that way.

Unfortunately, you are reaping the consequences of allowing your heart to become entangled outside of God's timing. There's no way to choose the behavior (secretly dating) and avoid the heartbreak that results from taking the reigns in your life.

But that doesn't mean that you're destined to feel this way forever. God has rich promises for those of us who turn our pain over to Him.

Psalm 34:18 says, "The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit."

Matthew 5:4 says, "Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted."

Romans 8:28 promises, "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose."

Take all of the energy and emotion you've spent investing in your relationship with this guy and re-direct it toward Jesus. Spend lots of time with Him. Cry out to Him. Tell Him you are hurting. Ask Him to heal you.

This situation won't get fixed by a change of circumstances, but only by a change of heart. Thankfully, God is in the business of changing hearts and lives. He can handle this one, turn it over to Him!

Erin

Alice17

Help
on Thursday, April 14, 2011 at 4:53 pm

I have a broken heart right now. My boyfriend broke up with me on Monday and this whole week has bee pretty painful. I'm just starting to heal from depression and he thinks that I need to deal with this first, without trying to deal with a relationship too. His exact words were "I think it's best if we're not together right now." And when I asked him where exactly this leaves us, he said he didn't know. I don't know how to face him now. He doesn't want us to be cold to each other, wants us to still talk, but honestly right now I don't even want to see him right now, let alone talk to him. I know he was doing what he really thinks is best, but it still hurts.

Alice17

revision
on Monday, April 18, 2011 at 12:17 am

I misunderstood my boyfriend. He broke up with me because he doesn't think that I'm ready for a relationship and that I have too much on plate right now. I was overly jealous, jumped on things, and was too defensive. Ouch, ouch, ouch.

Hellen

what advice would you give to a friend with a broken heart?
on Saturday, May 14, 2011 at 9:24 am

ok theres this guy called andrew i have liked since i can remember.at one point he confessed he liked me2 .but then this pretty girl came along and all of a sudden he hugs her and holds hands with her and God knows what els!when the family first came to our church i was friends with her until i saw them flirting. now i am extreamly jealus and feeling like i am not good enough.

Hellen

Retold story
on Friday, June 10, 2011 at 10:05 am

this time i am going 2 tell the whole story of what happened. when was 8, Andrew told me he wanted to marry me.we had been great friends since i could remember.of course when he told me he liked me i tuk it way to seriousily but what do you expect at that time every 8yearold girl in our church had a crush on him,and he chose me? yahoo! But then something happened that would cut right through our relationship. When i was ten a new family came to our church and in that family there was Cole. me and my friend were boy crazy after him. so basically what ran through my head was " if andrew wants me he going to have to fight for me" what a mistake! all the nice things i did for andrew was flipped in for Cole. not only was i being completly unfar 2 andrew but i started acting like i hated him.{in the end me and Cole did not work out anyway}.So that was when everything went crazy,then a new family came2 our church and andrew eather decided 2 get even with me or thought i wanted to end our relationship and it was time to move on .whatever the reson he started flirting with Frances a pretty girl that was from the new family.i was friends with her until i saw them flirting [by this time i was 11]. now i am 12 and it just herts me so much when i see them hugging and holding hands.when i was 11 i would cry myself 2 sleep and hate Frances with all my guts.even now i sometimes pull out his pictur and just cry.i wish he could now how much i still like him and how sorry i am of how i acted but i just cant find the guts to...so any advice?

Maggie

RE: Hellen
on Thursday, June 30, 2011 at 10:18 pm

Ok...so my advice to you is this...first of all you are still SO young. As girls it becomes so hard when we see a "cute" guy because we are very emotional! We have to be VERY careful because our emotions are fickle and we dont want to get ourselves into problems. You still have many years to decide who youre gonna marry or even date! Be careful...God has a plan for your life and His desire is for you to be patient and seek HIS will for your life...even though its hard!!!! I am not sure if you have or not, but if you havent...make a vow of purity with the Lord before you become caught up in everything! You may tell yourself youre not going to get involved in anything, but its harder when the temptation is there! I dont even mean necessarily a physical temptation, but even an emotional one. It becomes very easy to too quickly share our emotions and reveal an intimate part of ourselves! Dont worry about relationships like that now...and be yourself...a guy who truly cares about you will appreciate you for who are! Love you in Christ and I am praying for you!!!

unknown

i understand
on Sunday, July 31, 2011 at 5:11 am

my life is just like sarahs without the dating iam a young teen 14 that lives in a council house with my real mam and my step dad my brother and my step sister. I have notcied my moods have gone down a lot i always take things out on my family and it hurts them i have harmed myself by cutting and when something goes wrong i get the urge to want to do it again. i went to my high school and i started off alright but then there was these people that wear all them good brands and up to date hairstyles and one of them started calling me fishlips and then they made a action to go with it i had a load of friends i fitted in i didnt get why i was getting builled then i left that school iam in a much better school now they started calling me victim for some reason and it hurt me bad. I wake up everymoring just wishing the world would end now because i feel there is nothing left in my life to be happy about. My friends and me always have silly little fights ive had my facebook account hacked and someone has sent a message to my close friend calling her fat and telling her to go and slit her wrists i wouldnt do that it hurt really badly. I need adivce on how to make my life better i think mines worse than sarahs :( x

Lorree, with the LYWB team

re: Unknown
on Tuesday, August 2, 2011 at 11:06 am

I am so sorry you have been hurt so deeply by the words and actions of others. I can tell you that you are holding your pain inside and it is eating you up. Could you talk with your mam about what has happened to you? She loves you and is there to help you through this difficult time. She can pray for you, encourage you, and hold you accountable in the areas that you are struggling. It is always better to talk with someone when you are hurting so deeply than to hold it in. If you don’t feel like you can talk to your mam, who is another godly older woman you can confide in?

It is so helpful, when we are hurting deeply, to turn to God and cry out to Him in our pain. He is intimately acquainted with how it feels to be betrayed by friends. He gives much wisdom in the Bible in how to handle our emotions and the different situations we find ourselves in. I encourage you to read His Word daily – if not several times a day – so you are immersed in the truth and are better able to discern Satan’s lies.

Regardless how others treat us, God loves us unconditionally and completely. Psalm 139 is a wonderful Psalm expressing His awareness of everything that happens in our lives. Romans 8:28-29 says God can take anything that goes on in our lives – even the hard things – and use them for our good and to conform us into the likeness of Jesus. Believe these truths, friend! Talk to someone who can be with you and help you through this, please!

Serving Him,
Lorree

unknown

hellen
on Saturday, November 19, 2011 at 1:28 am

wow, you make my story sound pathetic. i wanted to say that i feel for you my mom and dad arent in a good situation right know and have been for years, last night my mom decided to sleep in our car because she didnt feel loved in the house.I WANT YOU TO KNOW I CAN RELATE TO YOU AND YOU ARE DEARLY LOVED BY THE LORD FATHER AND BY ME.have you read :"lies wimen believe?" ive read a good portion of it,it really is inpacting.my church is not like other churches, most the girls there are buetiful and snotty,rich,popular,.i am not any of those and i dont think i will ever be, BUT GOD GIVESME HOPE, and the few freinds he ahs given to me.Place your trust Jesus, he can and if you exept,WILL set you free of your pain.He loves you and I love you. may god bless you and make his face shine apon you! xoxoxo Luv ya

hellen

unknown
on Saturday, November 19, 2011 at 1:29 am

that message was to you unknown not me lol sorry about that

A.N.Onymous

Advice
on Thursday, March 1, 2012 at 2:34 pm

It's very tempting to dispense advice quickly, but you need to hear from the Lord. Otherwise you could be like Job's friends--keen to help but no use at all.

The scriptures says we should weep with those that weep. Jesus is called a man of sorrows, aquainted with grief. I suggest you lay youself down before the Lord and cry for your friend. Whan you are done crying, you can ask for the Holy Spirit to show you what to say.

Jacq

hmmmm
on Monday, April 30, 2012 at 4:05 pm

i have witnessed this situation very recently. my best friend has talked about this one guy since last fall, he was the 'perfect' guy. they didn't date but they hung out together alot. my friend kept me up to date on how they were ad what was going on. and then she just stopped talking to me. at first i thought it was because my youth pastor told us he was leaving this hit everyone really hard. (he had been around for 9 years.) i emailed called texted tried to see if we could get coffee the works. all i ever got back was silence or simple answers like i'm fine or i'm really busy talk to you later this went on for a month and a half. i had no clue what was wrong. i knew something was wrong but couldn't do anything till she told me. i tried to tell her how i felt that something was wrong and that we needed to talk, but she still just kinda pushed it off. then about a week ago i got an email! i was so excite that she finally was talking to me. then i read the email. this "perfect guy" had broke her heart by not speaking to her and being very cool with her. she didn't know how she felt so she shut the world out. she didn't know what was wrong with her. i told her that guys first are never perfect they have flaws too. i also told her that god had different ideas for her love life. she seemed to be really appreciative for this info, i hope thsi can help your friend too!

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