I Want What They Have

posted by Erin Davis on 01/18/11 | Twitter: @ErinGraffiti
Category: Guys; ; 54 comments

Have you noticed that happy couples are everywhere? From billboards to movies to lovebirds cuddled up in the halls at school, it seems like everybody has somebody to love. jealous teenage girl

That can be a mega bummer for girls who don't have a boyfriend or have chosen to wait on God's timing for romance.

In fact, we know that some of you have felt that sting because you've told us so.

"I have been very lonely lately as all my friends ‘pair up' and start dating. It is very hard to be the only one without a boyfriend, and at times I wish I had one."

"I've never actually had a real boyfriend either. Sometimes it's really hard for me and other times it's not. All my friends have boyfriends or some guy they're obsessed with . . . except me, and usually it doesn't affect me unless I'm with them all."

"I have always felt left out because even my closest friends have boyfriends, and I feel like no guy is even looking at me . . . and it's hard being left out and alone."

We hear you. I think every girl has felt a tinge of longing after being around loving couples or watching a great romance unfold on the big screen. But it isn't always harmless to want what others have in the area of romance. In fact, I think there are times when dwelling on the romances of others leads us into two dangerous territories-jealousy and covetousness.

Romans 13:12–14 says, "The night is nearly over; the day is almost here. So let us put aside the deeds of darkness and put on the armor of light. Let us behave decently, as in the daytime, not in carousing and drunkenness, not in sexual immorality and debauchery, not in dissension and jealousy. Rather, clothe yourselves with the Lord Jesus Christ, and do not think about how to gratify the desires of the flesh."

This passage lists jealousy as a "deed of darkness." In other words it's not okay for those of us who have been called to show the light of Christ to this dark world (Matthew 5:14).

Jealousy's ugly cousin is covetousness. That's a big word that simply means wanting what others have. Avoiding covetousness is of such important to the Lord that He included it in the Ten Commandments.

Exodus 20:17 says, "You shall not covet your neighbor's house. You shall not covet your neighbor's wife, or his male or female servant, his ox or donkey, or anything that belongs to your neighbor." 

God's Word doesn't allow us to dwell on wanting what other have. That includes romance. Why does God warn so strongly against it? Because longing for what others have can eat us up inside and distract us from God's standards. So many of you have shared with us that you have trouble sticking to God's call to purity simply because you of the romance you see on television, movies, and the lives of your friends. That's why longing for others' lives is a big deal and why I want to encourage you to make a conscious effort not to covet, especially in the area of love.

Are there specific situations that make you long for love more strongly (certain movies, shows, or relationships you see your friends having)? What can you do to re-train your thoughts away from jealousy and covetousness and toward purity and gratitude?

Comments

HEY, GIRLS! We love hearing from you, but feel limited in the ways we can help. For one thing, we’re not trained counselors. If you’re seeking counsel, we encourage you to talk to your pastor or a godly woman in your life as they’ll know more details and can provide you with ongoing accountability and help. Also, the following comments do not necessarily reflect the views of Revive Our Hearts. We reserve the right to remove comments which might be unhelpful, unsuitable, or inappropriate.

Maya

Waiting Upon the Lord
on Tuesday, January 18, 2011 at 4:41 am

I think that the most difficult thing to do is "To wait upon the Lord." I was so encouraged when I read this blog because like most of us, I realized that I am NOT alone! Its perfectly normal to feel this way! It just shows that we want the best spouse for us and God is certainly preparing them for us. God knows and understands that we CAN'T be alone and HE truly knows that we are all "wife material" and He is shaping our future spouses to complete us even as a body of Christ. I have been discourage for too long about not finding anyone that is compatible with me. I actually always used to think that I will meet my significant other once I joined college (bummer)... But now I am working on me and spending time with family and friends and just hoping that one day my prince will come sent from the Lord. Those who wait upon the Lord will always receive the best...and I want the best...
I am a kind of girl who is very independent, hard working, and very loving in all that I do... So I am not going to settle for less because if I am working on becoming a great "future spouse" then I believe that my "future husband" should meet my standards... I just hope that God really truly sees my genuine heart... Amen!

istandcorrected

Wow!
on Tuesday, January 18, 2011 at 6:01 am

I cannot think of a time (since I started following and reading up on the LYWB which is not too long ago) when I've read a post and it hasn't directly referred to what I may be going through right there and then or feeling at the time. Your posts have been very encouraging to me as a young woman studying to achieve her degree at University; am in a 4 year old relationship with a guy thats a christian but not a true christian as I have read several times and I have friends (very few friends, very few) but even these are not true christian in the way that the Bible tells us to be because they do not live by the commandments. I hope by now, you will have cloaked that I am a young woman who is struggling. And when I say struggling - I mean everything. And it is all my fault. I have always been one of those people thats quick to say "I know better" and yet time and again my actions have proven the opposite of this. And its all due to making the wrong choices. To doing what this post is saying one as a christian should not be doing - 'wanting what others have'.. Don't get me wrong, am not saying my sole purpose life has been to want have everything that I see that looks good or seems to bring happiness. What I am saying is because I have been putting 'desires of the flesh' first in my life, I feel so incomplete. I don't feel happy for long even when am with my boyfriend whom I have worked so hard to keep in my life because of I guess just wanting to have someone, and also because we've been together so long, I can't imagine not being with him but at the same time I am always reminded of how things aren't "truly right' between us. Like the other day, one of my close friends was with her boyfriend and we were all just hanging out - my boyfriend was not there at the time - and I just had these strong thoughts of - 'Oh their relationship is so much better than mine' - but I should mention that on a number of occasions I have complained so much to my friends about my relationship saying that "He doesn't do this or that" but deep inside, am really feeling that I want to serve God. And the more I realise that I cannot serve God truly as long as I have a relationship such as this and friends such as these, the more fear I have which is just the devil trying to pull me away from where I should really be. In the presence of God.

In many situations I have exercised the "I want what they have" and I can truly say today that I feel very unhappy because all this has done is draw me further and further away from God. I never thought about in this way but this post has really given me a push at the right time and I believe its not for nothing.

I would like to add a prayer request. Please pray for me so that I will over come all the choices so far that are keeping me from the presence of God and that my sins will not continue to hold me back but that I will be strengthened, determined and vigilant in the things God wants me to to.

I LOVE Y'ALL LYWB - Thank you.

Gods daughter

Re:
on Tuesday, January 18, 2011 at 6:25 am

my best friend is dating this guy ive had a crush on and has been my best guy friend for a year she just started becoming his friend when they started dating and i get so jealous when they hang out together. I start to feel like im never going to find the right guy and most of my friends have boyfriends. It's so hard and im constantly jealous but i dont know what to do about it! Help!!

Audrey

Re:
on Tuesday, January 18, 2011 at 7:54 am

is is okay to have a boyfriend?? because i do...

Meg

Boys
on Tuesday, January 18, 2011 at 8:08 am

I know the feeling sometimes i around happy couples and i feel like i want that but then i realized A i am to young B I don't want to date until college. TO AUDREY It is ok to have a boyfriend as long as he is a christian there is a verse in the bible about being equally paired if he is not a christian than you are not equally paired.

PS My friends mom died of cancer could you pray for her.

Grace

Re:
on Tuesday, January 18, 2011 at 9:21 am

I'm at the point in my life where I feel like I am ready to get married, and I want to get married and soon. Most of my friends even those who are not saved, or those who never really wanted boyfriends are in relationships now. i know its wrong, but at time I can't help but feel jealous.I got majorly hurt a couple of years ago and I decided that I won't put myself in that position again until I graduated from Uni, which I did just late last year. There's no one who I really like, or who seems to be showing any interest, but I don't know I think the waiting is what's hard. Its OK some days and then others just frustrating! But I am grateful for you guys and the advice you give. For now no matter how difficult it might be to wait, I am delighting myself in the Lord and in what he has given me.

Istandcorrected...I would suggest cut the ties binding you with your non]Christian friends. It won't be easy but God will be with you all through especially because you are doing it for him.

Angela

Oh Yeah
on Tuesday, January 18, 2011 at 9:45 am

I have been dealing with this a lot! My friends have boyfriends, guys ask me out, but I always say no, and it hurts a little. Thank you so much for this post! It really helped me out!

Alone

WANTED: Someone Who Cares
on Tuesday, January 18, 2011 at 10:50 am

I guess that lately I've just been feeling so alone. I don't have very many friends at school and the ones who I do have are just really close. I know that this may sound horribly selfish and self centered but I feel like none of them care, with the exception of four and like I'm constantly left out. I hear my friends telling me what a fun time they had over the weekend and it seems like everyone was invited but me. I guess that what I really want isn't more friends, although it would be nice, but to have a guy who wants to talk to me and who wants to be with me. I'm not talking about a boyfriend necessarily but just a guy who will talk. There are plenty of guys at my school, it's just that none of them really seem to show much interest in wanting to be my friend. Is this selfish? Is it wrong to want a guy friend, is it wrong to want to have someone other then your girlfriends tell you that you look pretty? Any advice that anybody has would be a real help.

Annamarie

Re:
on Tuesday, January 18, 2011 at 12:52 pm

I used not not want a boyfriend, I'm turning 13 in March and I'm already starting to want one. But whenever I think that I always think "I'm not pretty, no ones going to go out with me" Sometimes I'm like "I want a boyfriend" and then sometimes I'm like "Thats kind of awkward, forget it."

I'm homeschooled and there is like 2 boys that go to the church that are older then me (we have a small church) Only one of them I really only thought was cute. I just think since theres really no boys my age that I like at that church and I don't go to public school that I will never find the right guy who would actually like me...

I'm waiting, too!
on Tuesday, January 18, 2011 at 1:06 pm

This post really resonates with me. I'm a 20-year-old college student, and I've never had a boyfriend -- I'm waiting on the Lord's timing for romance. It really is hard to see friends pairing up...sharing private jokes, posing for those sweet couple pictures. But, not long ago, I realized that I was coveting what they had. This post was surprising, since it reinforced what God had already been showing me. Thanks for the reminder!

Just a word to my other sisters in Christ who are waiting -- hold on! Run to God with your desires, because He understands them, and He is the only One who can fill all the longings of your heart. Waiting is hard, but God is enough. More than enough!

monica

Re:
on Tuesday, January 18, 2011 at 2:10 pm

I dont get very jealous when I see couples cuz I'm always thinking (bad I know) that they're probably cheating or its prob a messed up relationship. But what gets me jealous is seeing my landlady (we're good friends) and her family. She's exactly the kind of wife I want to be and her husband is exactly the kind of guy there's not many of around anymore and their family is so steady and happy, it makes me want to have a family like that so bad. People say I am good with kids and I love helping Mom in the house and the whole house thing. I want so bad to be able to do what I love and have a family.

After God's Own Heart

Thank you, Lord
on Tuesday, January 18, 2011 at 2:12 pm

Instead of sighing and waning away for lack of male attention, think of things this way: you've committed to wait on God's timing. And now, because you aren't receiving attention, you have nothing to tempt or distract you from that goal! Thank you, Lord!

Kami

Re:
on Tuesday, January 18, 2011 at 3:56 pm

I have a boyfriend i guess you could say but he's at home and i'm away at college. However he's a follower of Christ and we help each other. In order to keep ourselves in check we decided to really look at each other as close friends but it's hard seeing others here all cuddled up with their boyfriends especially since even when i do see mine we limit our physical contact to a hug. But i always remember God's love is greater than ours or anyones

Nice blog!
on Tuesday, January 18, 2011 at 4:18 pm

It's a little sad to know that us girls are hurting and coveting relationships...(including myself at times). I wish we could be content all the time on waiting for His timing. All we can do is wait for His timing and grow stronger in Him!

Jessica

confession
on Tuesday, January 18, 2011 at 4:42 pm

I would like to confess that I struggle with feelings of jealousy esspecailly towards relationships I see other people having.

Katherine

Re:
on Tuesday, January 18, 2011 at 5:28 pm

thank you so much this couldn't have come at a better time! i've been struggling with this lately, because my best friend and a guy friend are now going out...i didn't have a crush on him or anything, but i kind of feel like the third wheel. well, i actually have liked his best friend for a long time. i know its really selfish of me, but i get kind of depressed when i see them so happy and realize that i cant even find anything to say to the guy i like...i know i need to let it go...please pray for me about this.

Jesus's Princess

off subject....
on Tuesday, January 18, 2011 at 5:56 pm

Hey girlys
Well, this is really off subject, but um well I need prayer for my family. My brother is 9 years old and well last night my mom freaked out cuz she found porn on our computer... My brother had accidently come upon it I dont know how but he did... He's 9 years old and the sweetest kid. Now, this accidental thing could become a huge issue for him as he grows older.... My parents have had a rocky marriage and well they were fighting before she found it and i dont know just please pray for God to deliver my family from Satan's hands! He has been trying to destroy my family for 3 long hard years... Thank you for prayers! Thank you for this precious community! I love you all!

Fuzzy Socks

Re: Grace
on Tuesday, January 18, 2011 at 5:56 pm

Hey girl... I wanna know what age you are because this seems like a toughie. It's okay to desire a person of the opposite sex to want you because we are sexual beings. But your friend got into a relationship the wrong way. Love is essentially frienship on fire. So wait for God's timing and let your friendships flourish and He will show you Mr. Right. (And through all the mistakes, pregnancy scares, and everything I've been through, please listen and don't make the same mistakes...)

Love and sister in Christ,
Fuzzy

Fuzzy Socks

Re: Audrey
on Tuesday, January 18, 2011 at 5:57 pm

It depends... More information would be necessary to evaluate the situation. Also, I encourage you to pray about it.

Love,
Fuzzy

Fuzzy Socks

Okay... now my turn :)
on Tuesday, January 18, 2011 at 6:01 pm

Well, if you have read some of the comments I've posted... I have made a lot of mistakes.. And i've learned to trust God's timing. Please continue ot pray for me as I have just cut the connection between myself and this guy I've had sex with twice. I have now committed myself to courtship but i am really new at controlling my sexual lust... Ugh, I know how to help others but not myself. I would appreciate prayer with this because this is one of my major struggles.

Love,
Fuzzy

Maryana

Thank You
on Tuesday, January 18, 2011 at 6:16 pm

I have had a few boyfriends and I'm tired of it not being the right guy. so i decided to give it to God then my best friend who i spend all my spare time with, and has been waiting and she thought she would never find a guy, got a guy. it's hard being a "3rd wheel" and now i kinda feel lonely.

Natalie

Boyfriends
on Tuesday, January 18, 2011 at 6:28 pm

I think that it can be fine to have a boyfriend as a teenager. But I also think that sometimes it isn't fine.

With all areas of life we need to be praying about this and seeking our parents counsel, and making sure that a relationship wouldn't distract us from our relationship with the Lord.

Right now, I'm not going to have a boyfriend, and I don't really feel bad about it either. I've tried to pick my own boyfriends, and I've failed miserably every time. One of us has always gotten hurt.

God will bring the right man into my life someday. And until then, I need to just trust that He has much better taste than I do. XD

Bonnie

www.bonzabee.blogspot.com
on Tuesday, January 18, 2011 at 7:31 pm

As someone else mentioned - you always seem to post something that relates to my life at the time! Praise God :)

I too am guilty of wanting what others have, when so many of my friends have a partner, and about half of them are getting married, or seriously considering it! It certainly tests my patience!

I find that if I focus on what God wants me to do right here and now, it helps to take my mind off romance. I want to focus on building up the friendships that I have and doing as much as I can to learn and grown while I am single. I want to love the Lord with all my heart :)

Traci

Being Content...
on Tuesday, January 18, 2011 at 9:49 pm

I, too, am guilty of longing for a relationship, especially as I see alot of my friends courting and getting married - I am 18, never had a boyfriend, and I believe in courtship. I don't really want a boyfriend, but it would be nice to know that someone is interested in me, if that makes sense... :-)

I am in the middle of "Joyfully at Home" by Jasmine Baucham and it is helping me SOOO much (along with, of course, turning my desires over to God a million times) and I am trying to focus on growing spiritually so that I can be the godly wife and mother that my man deserves when God brings us together! Pray for me as I learn to love God with my WHOLE heart, and as I'm trying to focus on being content where He has put me in His perfect will!!!

Heather (Svan)

Re:
on Tuesday, January 18, 2011 at 10:51 pm

Are there specific situations that make you long for love more strongly (certain movies, shows, or relationships you see your friends having)?

That pretty much sums it up. Everything makes me want a husband.

What can you do to re-train your thoughts away from jealousy and covetousness and toward purity and gratitude?

I don't think there's anything we can do, specifically. We just have to not dwell on wanting a relationship. When we start to dwell, we just have to stop thinking about it!

monica

to Fuzzy socks
on Tuesday, January 18, 2011 at 11:27 pm

I'll be praying for you:)

Hannah

Re:
on Wednesday, January 19, 2011 at 12:34 am

Thank you so much for posting this! I am currently struggling with this right now. I'm 17 and pretty much all my friends have boyfriends, and I have never had one. I don't want to waste my single years daydreaming about boys, but focusing totally on my one true God. :)

Divya

Unfair
on Wednesday, January 19, 2011 at 4:01 am

Well, I read this and I've heard it all a million times! I am really fed up. I am an 18-year-old university student. Never dated. Never kissed. Never shown the slightest ineterest from guys. the only conclusion i can come to is im pretty ugly. it eats me up inside. it eats me up inside seeing other people. beautiful. goodlooking. happy. in a relationship. and look at me. I know its wrong, but I can't help but get absolutely mad with God. Before any on you begin to explain why I am wrong, let me explain. It was never my choice to have the life I have. to look the way I look. so the fact that I don't have what other waaaay more prettier girls have is not my fault! it has to be Gods! how is he fair? i fail to see it. its not my fault if I end up coveting what other girls have. I was never given it! its all His fault. and then when we want to finish my life, I get punished. its His fault to begin with. AARGH!
I am soo sorry. I am usually not such a person. but this touchy topic brings out emotions I didn't know I had. :( I was brought up in Christian family, always have been. And I'm just fed up. Please pray! I beg of you.

Sweet_Honesty_1983

Sigh
on Wednesday, January 19, 2011 at 9:07 am

Will this subject (wanting a boyfriend or romance) ever be less sensitive? I wish we could do a group hug while we wait on God's timing......

Jessica

Divya
on Wednesday, January 19, 2011 at 10:44 am

I can relate to what your going through. I'm also 18, never had a boyfriend, never been kissed, or ever had a guy ask me out. And although I've never seen you, I can almost guarantee that your not as ugly as you think, and God thinks your beautiful!!! He created you, and you are perfect. If your craving a relationship, run back into God's arms and hide yourself in Him. He's a perfect gentleman, and loves you more than any other guy could~ and he'll NEVER let you down! Plus, you don't want to go out with a guy who wants to be with you just cause your pretty, he would be really shallow. And when a great, christian guy comes along, you will be pure. And if he's a christian, he'll see you through eyes like God, and will love you for being exactly the way you are.

Really Random

To: Alone
on Wednesday, January 19, 2011 at 12:02 pm

Wow, your post sounded like it came right out of my own mouth! I find that because the girls don't really include me I want that friendship with a guy cause maybe it would be difernt, or they would understand, have compasion on me, or something... But what I have found is that it doesn't really work that way. Most of the time you end up more hurt than you were before.
Instead find freindship in the one who sticks closer than a brother! Will fufil all your needs! And never ever leave you! JESUS!!! Pray to him and tell him your needs and read His word to get to know Him better. You will not feel so alone anymore!

His little girl

waiting on the Lord
on Wednesday, January 19, 2011 at 4:26 pm

A book that helped me tremendously is "I Kissed Dating Good-bye" by Josuah
Harris.

this book really changed my life. It shows you how to deal with wanting a husband or boyfriend and how to handle a relationship with a guy. I think you girls would really enjoy this book, because I really did!!! =)

But back to what the subject of my comment is. God has just really layed on my heart to wait. wait. wait. I hear those words whispered in my mind many times. and it has really helped! I hope this post will help some of you . . . =) you're in my prayers!

Redeemed

To Alone:
on Thursday, January 20, 2011 at 12:00 am

First off, you are NOT alone. Remember that Jesus Christ is ALWAYS with you! It's hard to keep that in mine when you're struggling to find a tangible person to have deep relationships with, but it's true! You are never ever alone.
Secondly, you are a beautiful creation of God! I too struggle with thoughts like "am I pretty" or "my girlfriends just have to say I look good"...It's always a confidence booster to have a guy tell us that we look good. But, even if that is not present in your life at the moment, and I'll admit that it is not in mine currently either, we are made in the image of God! We are beautiful because God made us like him!
It is a good thing to have a guy-friend to talk to. But, it really needs to be one that has no interest in you, and you have no interest in. (And by interest I mean you aren't severely attracted to each other, and you don't crave a serious relationship with him)
It is actually a healthy relationship for both males and females to have a person of the opposite sex that they can talk to about certain issues. If you do not have that, you might consider seeking it. It could be a person at school, church, etc...It could even be a brother, cousin, etc. Develop a relationship, but one of mutual respect for not wanting anything more out of the relationship than friendship. If you can't find anyone for a while, don't fret. It's all in God's timing, remember? Keep your head up, and remember that God is your best friend, and He is always there to listen! Even when no one else seems to be, you always have Him!
If you have to, write "I am Beautiful" on an index card and place it by your bathroom mirror. Or, write Creation (or another word to remind you) on your hand that will remind you that you are a GORGEOUS, BEAUTIFUL, AND WONDERFUL creation of God. The Lord desires your heart, and your WHOLE heart.

Bri

Re: Alone
on Thursday, January 20, 2011 at 9:51 am

I so understand how you feel. I'm homeschooled, but I feel the same way with the kids in my youth group.

I understand wanting a guy approval, I think all girls are like that, but God will bring someone into your life one day just like me (I'm preaching to the choir here too so...). Just keep trusting God and remember he thinks you are beautiful just the way you are!

Erin, thanks so much for posting this I really needed to hear it!

Gracefalls

I do
on Thursday, January 20, 2011 at 11:37 am

I really want what other girls seem to have! I so want to! But... I know I will have to wait until I know that my guy will take me to the alter and say our I do's ... AUGH I dont want to wait!

Divya

Jessica
on Thursday, January 20, 2011 at 10:45 pm

Thankyou Jessica! I wouldn't mind getting a few encouraging words now and again hahaha. Not but seriously, its good to know that I'm not the only one you know? that at least someone on this entire planet gets me? Thanks again. I can already say your an amazing person. Just keep being the beautiful person you really are. Lots of love and God Bless! ¢¾

Kara

RE: Hannah and Divya
on Friday, January 21, 2011 at 1:01 am

@Hannah: I know exactly what you are feeling! I am also 17, have never dated, or been kissed. I feel that waiting for God to bring the One to me is the best thing instead of searching for him. My old pastor always said to me, "Kara if you wanna find the One God has for you run straight towards God and if a guy passes you then he is worth checking out!" I now use that to help encourage many of my girlfriends when they are struggling.

@Divya: I also know what you are feeling. I deal with the jealousy all the time. You're right it doesn't seem fair but as many people have told me, there is a reason why God made you the way He made you. Right now only He knows the reason but one day you will see as well. As to you thinking you are ugly that is so not true! Really truly its the beauty on the inside that counts because outside beauty will fade but the inside beauty can only get more beautiful with time and that is one thing your future husband will love. Just remember that there is somebody out there who God has made just for YOU!! And yes I will be praying for you.

As for me, I struggle with this daily. I have often been jealous of my girlfriends because they are able to get the guys, but then they come to me for advice on what to do and I see just how messed up dating can be in high school. Most of the time its just for fun, no one is really serious like they would be their last 2 years in college as they get closer to the "age" of marriage. I have interest in dating just for fun so I choose to stay out of it. Besides its so much better to just stay away from the pressure than to end up in a sticky situation. And because I struggle with this so much I have to give myself over to God each day and its never easy. I love you LYWB sisters!1

Ashley Marie

Encouragement To All The Single Young Women
on Friday, January 21, 2011 at 10:01 am

I usually don't comment, but felt led to write something encouraging to anyone who reads this and are struggling with being content with being single. I don't know if anyone else has written something in their comment about this, so sorry if I'm repeating lol. I know many of you are used to people saying "Enjoy this time of singleness because God can use you during this time" or "Just trust and wait on Him" and there is truth in those words, it's just at the time we may not want to hear it because of our own difficulties and struggles we're facing at the moment with singleness. We feel like no one else could possibly understand how we feel unless they've gone or are going through it.

I can honestly say I understand what you all are dealing with. I'm 21, almost 22 in July, and have never had a boyfriend, dated, kissed, or anything. I haven't held hands with a guy lol (like in a romantic relationship ofcourse).

And I won't lie...it used to bother me so bad...I'd get so depressed about it and it didn't help when I'd see my friends or others around me in relationships and it looked like they were having the time of their lives...it was painful to see because it was exactly what I wanted...now that God's helping me to grow in Him He's giving me a different outlook...a lot of the same people I see in those relationships either ended up giving their virginity away to the guy and him leaving them or having a baby by the guy and him not supporting the child. Or some of the girls simply settled for any guy that would look their way. And honestly I don't want that kind of relationship. I don't want to settle for just anybody. I'd rather wait on the Lor dand have someone God has chosen that's best for me, than just settle for someone who really isn't God's best. I saw how it turned out for many of those girls and I realized everything isn't how it seems. The grass truly isn't greener on the other side. I'm about to graduate from college in May and applying for grad school and many of those same girls had to drop out of school to raise a family. I realized how God's actually protected me all these years from heartbreak, STD's, losing my innocence and from loosing my relationship with Him. He showed me how I was actually desiring the boyfriend more than Him and how I was making it into an idol. Now, you all may not be doing that, but I was. I knew that if I had that boyfriend right now I'd probably forget about God and the Lord doesn't want us to do that. He is jealous about our attention wandering away to other things and people. I just finished reading Isaiah and it just showed me how much God is concerned about EVERYTHING we put before Him, even natural desires to be married. That idol can actually seperate you completely from the Lord. In Isaiah God describes the Israelites wandering away from Him as "prostituting themselves" and "commiting adultery", which shows me the seriousness of putting things before Him.

So I had to surrender that to Him & trust Him to make the best choices for me regarding relationships with guys. It sure hasn't been easy...I have my moments when I get discouraged and down, but God always reminds me of what He's taught me and gives me strength to go on. Yea it isn't going to be easy at all, but the rewards of waiting are worth it. He's shown me how it is actually an honor, priviledge and blessing to be able to tell my husband, Lord-willing, one day that he was my first & only kiss, first & only man I loved, first & only date, first & only boyfriend and that I had saved myself for him for our wedding night. God showed me how much glory He would get out of that and how many young girls' lives that could impact to show them that it is possible to wait.

So I just pray this encourages someone to look at their situation a little differently and to know that maybe God is using you to make a great impact on young girls everywhere and you may not even realize it. Please stay encouraged!

"Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal."

2 Corinthians 4:16-18

Kara

re:my post error
on Friday, January 21, 2011 at 10:36 am

My post was supposed to say I have no interest in dating just for fun. I forgot the no. whoops my bad

Divya

Kara
on Saturday, January 22, 2011 at 4:37 am

Hey Kara, thanks for the encouragement, means a lot to me! :) I'll try keeping that it mind next time! Only goes to show how much I really need my Jesus aye :p
Lots of love and God Bless!

Jackie

me too
on Saturday, January 22, 2011 at 11:17 am

Yup, I get that feeling too. Im so glad I found this this morning, because last night me and a group of friends went to our school Winter Ball, And one of my friends had a guy friend of hers hanging around. He was really nice but you could tell he really likes her. I started to feel the twang of jealousy and began asking "what does she have that I don't? What does EVERYONE have that I don't???" Thankfully God put a halt on my thoughts and reminded me that I can't go down that path. I need to remember that He has my life planned out and right now I only need Him. Even better, He knew that this was affecting my good time and before I knew it, my mom showed up to check on me because she had this "feeling" that something was wrong. So I went home, had a prayer and read my bible, and I felt much better.

Suzie Q.

Re:
on Sunday, January 23, 2011 at 5:19 pm

I have felt this way ever since my best friend (guy) and my other bestfriend (girl) started dating. Me and my guy friend were like brother and sister and he needed me and i needed him. then he started dating my other bestfriend and he had her to talk to, her to be with, etc etc. I was crushed especially becuase I had started to like him and i couldn't talk to my girl friend bout it cuz they were dating....I just rotted in depression and jealousy for their whole relationship (6 months) and felt totally empty inside, and sometimes i still do. the only thing guys look at me for is my body :( and it really makes me feel like a slut even if i don't act like one. that's why I had to turn to Jesus and I know that he will continue to help me grow in him while i wait for the suitor he brings me instead of being depressed about my old besties (they found out...drama...not friends anymore :/) and the shallow boys that don't want the real me.
Please pray for me!!!

random girl seeking God

wow
on Monday, January 24, 2011 at 1:00 am

I am having so much trouble with this.
my sister just got married. and looking at her relationship with her new husband has left me feeling alone, sad, and lingering on.
I hope that with contenued prayer, these mindsets wil go away and God will come closer and closer to the center of my thoughts.

Gracefalls

RGSG
on Monday, January 24, 2011 at 11:44 am

Hey girlie! My big sis just got married and has a little baby! I am so jealous! I so want to be in a guys arms with him holding me tight, to feel his warm body against mine, to play with his hair and gaze into his eyes... oh gosh my heart is fluttering thinking about it... I just want a guy to hold my hand to tell me I am beautiful and just kiss me... Oh oops... daydreaming about a guy when I should day dream about God!

Erin Davis

istandcorrected
on Tuesday, January 25, 2011 at 7:56 am

Wow! Thanks for being so brave and telling us about what is going on in your life.

You are experiencing the consequences of sin. You have chosen to stay "yoked" to someone who doesn't fit God's qualifications for a mate and as you mentioned that choice robs us of freedom, peace and joy. You certainly can remain in that relationship if you want to, but there will be consequences for your life and heart.

I would just encourage you to consider whether or not you want to feel the way you are feeling right now for the rest of your life rather than end the relationship in favor of being with someone who truly loves the Lord?

I am sure it is very scary to consider ending a relationship that has lasted four years, but that fear is best responded to with the Truth that God is good! He can handle your future and He is able to provide blessings that are beyond your wildest dreams.

Jeremiah 29:11 says, "For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord. Plans to prosper you and not to harm you. Plans to give you hope and a future."

You can trust Him instead of leaning on the false sense of security this relationship has provided.

It sounds like you really need some solid Christian friends (we all do). I would encourage you to specifically pray for this need and also to seek out wise friends. Get involved in a college group at your church, start attending a Christian fellowship on campus, volunteer at an organization where other Christians are volunteering.

God gave us "the church" i.e. other believers to strengthen us as we seek to follow Him.

God loves you. He wants what is best for you and He is able to provide everything you need.

Erin

Erin Davis

Alone
on Tuesday, January 25, 2011 at 8:00 am

It sounds like your mind is playing some tricks on you. If you have four friends who really care about you, that's huge! Lots of girls would love to have just one friend that fits that description.

Second, it is not necessarily wrong to want a guy to pay attention to you, but I think you will discover that it isn't to soothing balm you think it will be. Only God can satisfy our deepest longing for affirmation. Attention from a boy feels nice for a moment, but will not last.

Have you read "Lies Young Women Believe?" It tackles these two exact lies head on. It will help you identify what specific lies you are believing and replace them with God's Truth. I suggest you start reading it (or re-reading it) ASAP.

Erin

Alma Corona

istandcorrected
on Tuesday, January 25, 2011 at 10:18 am

erin - is it possible to ask "istandcorrected" to facebook me?? her and i are going through something very similar and we could use each other for support.

Erin Davis

Alma Corona
on Tuesday, January 25, 2011 at 2:18 pm

I'm sorry. We can't let you share personal information such as your Facebook account here. We have no way to verify if people are who they say they are or if their motives are pure when asking other girls for personal information. So...we can't allow personal info. to keep everyone safe.

But feel free to use this blog as a place to have that conversation. Just leave her a comment and she can respond back to you as a comment and you can talk about it that way.

Erin

Maddie

Amen!
on Monday, January 31, 2011 at 12:11 am

I have been waiting very long for the LYWB Blog to address this subject! I feel sad after going to a restraunt with my family and seeing couples everywhere having the time of their lives -sigh-
It can get very depressing very fast...so whenever I find myself wishing I had someone to send me flowers, I think about the PROBLEMS that come with those kind of relationships, too, like fighting and cheating. And I don't wanna go through that yet, so I'm thankful I'm still in Singleton! And courting seems like a better idea to me than dating.

Alley

wowww
on Tuesday, February 1, 2011 at 9:25 am

wow it felt like you were speaking to ME!!! i'm always seeing ppl happily in love and wishing i was in their shoes. i have had a boyfriend once and it made me feel special and beautiful and now that i don't i'm having a hard time with being content with God's love. I want to just turn 18 tomorrow and meet an awesome guy, fall in love and get married but obviously i'm not there yet. help?!

Libbie

Re:
on Thursday, February 3, 2011 at 12:05 am

i confess that i get jealous. ill watch a movie and want what they had. my dad tells me all the time that relationships are never like they are on tv. and i'm starting to think he is right. so i will just pray and wait for God to send me that special someone.

kory

Re:
on Sunday, February 6, 2011 at 8:57 pm

you're dad is right relashionships r never like they r on tv but i hope u do find the right someone one day but i would say to get 2 know him first and let him know u wen he dose he will c ur a cool person n he wants 2 be with XD

Nancy

HELP!!
on Friday, March 18, 2011 at 10:57 pm

My bf and i have a chance to have what every couple we c have. I want what other couples have and at the same time i dont. what should i do?

In need of help and prayer,
Nancy

Annie

my thoughts on the subject
on Friday, May 6, 2011 at 2:03 am

In order to retrain the thoughts toward purity and gratitude a girl should realize that the time when she is single is UNIQUE!!!

Believe me as a married woman - I miss that time! Singleness provides so many opportunities - USE them instead of pitiyng yourself and daydreaming. Read the Post HOW TO STAY EMOTIONALLY PURE and live according to the given advice.

Guard your thoughts - or chances are you'll marry someone who is not the BEST God is preparing for you JUST BECAUSE YOU DON'T WANT TO BE ALONE.

Believe me - loneliness in marriage is the WORST thing existed.

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