When You Don't Have a Valentine

posted by Erin Davis on 02/14/11 | Twitter: @ErinGraffiti
Category: Guys; ; 56 comments

girl with balloonIt's Valentine's Day, but you knew that already. It seems impossible to escape the mushy message that everyone needs someone to love on this romantic holiday.

I'm not anti-Valentine's Day. In fact, it's a holiday that I've always enjoyed, but I realize that for those of you without someone special to love, today can be a day filled with loneliness and frustration.

If you're struggling with feelings of loss, anxiety, loneliness, or frustration this Valentine's Day, this post is for you. I want to encourage you not to dwell on your negative feelings about romance. (And don't even think about eating an entire box of Valentine's chocolate all by yourself!) Instead, turn your heart toward these specific truths straight out of God's Word.

Romantic love isn't the secret to wholeness.

The advertising industry is trying to convince you that romantic love is the only path to happiness. While it's true that there are great emotional benefits from a caring, loving relationship, it isn't necessary to meet our basic needs for love.

Isaiah 58:11 
says, "The LORD will guide you always; he will satisfy your needs in a sun-scorched land and will strengthen your frame. You will be like a well-watered garden, like a spring whose waters never fail."

No man is able to meet all of your needs. But God is able! He can satisfy your desire for love (Jeremiah 31:1). He responds when you need help or comfort (Isaiah 41:13, Psalm 71:21). He affirms that you matter (Psalm 139). And He Has promised He will never leave or abandon you (Hebrews 13:5).

The world may tell you that you cannot be happy without a man, but God has already given you everything you need for freedom, fullness, and joy.

True love is worth waiting for.

Song of Solomon 8:4
 says, "Daughters of Jerusalem, I charge you: Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires."

The world will tell you that any love is good love (today especially). But that isn't what God's Word teaches. God asks us to wait to save sex, the deepest expression of romantic love for marriage, and He warns us to guard our hearts above all things (Proverbs 4:23).

Don't let the pain you may be feeling today prompt you to settle for second best. Take your hurts to God, and ask Him to help you guard your heart. Ask Him to give you a vision of the kind of love He has for you and to help you to wait for His timing.

You can trust God.

When faced with an empty calendar and a lonely heart on Valentine's Day, it's easy to forget that God is good. But He is good, girls! He doesn't withhold good things from you to punish you or to toy with your heart.

Jeremiah 29:11 says, "‘For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the LORD, ‘plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.'"

Psalm 31:19 says, "How abundant are the good things that you have stored up for those who fear you, that you bestow in the sight of all, on those who take refuge in you."

It may not feel like it today, but you can trust that His plan for your love life is based on what's very best for you.

You are being pursued today.

I know that cards and chocolates and dates are nice, but just because you don't have that doesn't mean you're not being pursued.

In Jeremiah 31:3 
we read, "The LORD appeared to us in the past, saying: ‘I have loved you with an everlasting love; I have drawn you with unfailing kindness.'"

In Zechariah 2:8 God calls you the "apple of his eye." Throughout Song of Solomon, He calls you His "beloved." In Psalm 45:11, He sys He is "enthralled by your beauty."

He has been wooing you since the dawn of time. He came to earth and died so that you could be with Him for eternity. He has asked for your heart and promised He will never leave you or forsake you. What a Valentine! 

Comments

HEY, GIRLS! We love hearing from you, but feel limited in the ways we can help. For one thing, we’re not trained counselors. If you’re seeking counsel, we encourage you to talk to your pastor or a godly woman in your life as they’ll know more details and can provide you with ongoing accountability and help. Also, the following comments do not necessarily reflect the views of Revive Our Hearts. We reserve the right to remove comments which might be unhelpful, unsuitable, or inappropriate.

    Heidi
    Thanks
    on Monday, February 14, 2011 at 1:19 am
    Thanks for this post, Erin. It is exactly what I needed to hear!
    Destiny
    Re:
    on Monday, February 14, 2011 at 1:36 am
    This makes me feel SO much better about being single. I've never had a valentine, but now I know that the best one to have is Jesus Christ :).
    Sara
    Re:
    on Monday, February 14, 2011 at 1:57 am
    Thank you for providing such encouraging Scriptures and for giving me the right perspective for tomorrow.
    Divya
    Amazing!
    on Monday, February 14, 2011 at 4:10 am
    Thankyou! This is exactly what I needed! Times have been tough, but I needed this reminder. And it was perfect timing too! :)
    Marissa
    Thank You
    on Monday, February 14, 2011 at 7:54 am
    I really really needed this today. Valentines Day has never bothered me before, but now that I am a freshman in college and still boyfriendless, it is bothering me a little. Thank you for reminding me that Jesus is always there for me :)
    Sweet Honesty 1983
    Happy V Day
    on Monday, February 14, 2011 at 8:22 am
    Hello ladies, thought I was gonna wake up this morning in an Anti Valentine mood feeling blah. Instead I woke up with this song in my heart:

    I fall from Nicole Mullen

    I give up i surrender,i throw in the town
    Exposing my weakness to infinite power
    with all of my weight, i lean heavy on you
    with bags on my back,and in both my hands too

    chorus
    I fall, I fall on you
    I fall, I fall on you

    See my world keeps on spinning,out of control
    And am dizzy from trying,to stand on my own
    But you promised to catch me ,if i tumbled down

    'Cause the way to the sky,starts low to the ground

    chorus
    And i fall, fall on you
    I fall, I fall on you

    bridge
    please dont move,please dont move,please dont move,
    From here, from here(4 times)

    chorus and bridge together

    If you don't know it ....look it up and Fall on God.

    Sorry for the long comment and be whole in God. Have a blessed and happy valentine's day.
    Hannahbelle
    Missing Your Valentine
    on Monday, February 14, 2011 at 8:34 am
    A lovely lady I know just lost her husband last night. (he died) It may be hard for us to not have a valentine but at least we haven't lost him.
    But the wonderful thing is that her husband couldn't wait until Valentine's Day to give her flowers so she has a dozen red roses from him even though he went to Jesus before Valentine's Day.

    So would you girls pray with me for those whose valentine has died?
    Gracefalls
    Re
    on Monday, February 14, 2011 at 8:36 am
    Thank you...right before I got on my brother said happy valentines and I got sadd...
    Alley
    good idea... but somethings missing
    on Monday, February 14, 2011 at 8:49 am
    great post and a huge encouragement. idk if i'm the only one that feels this way, but even though ik that God is always there for me, somehow it's not enough. ik it should be, but somehow it just isn't. i still feel lonly and empty even though i have my Savior. the things i read (like from this post) and the things i know to be true in my head contradict the way i feel in my heart. i want them to be the SAME-- i wanna know in my heart AND my mind that God is more than enough for me. any suggestions???
    Molly
    Thank you thank you thank you!!!!
    on Monday, February 14, 2011 at 9:12 am
    Thanks so much Erin for this post! The feelings of loneliness have entered my mind many a time, just wishing that someone would ask me out for coffee or see a movie, but I realize that all of that is not necessary. I am loved by the most loving man I know! No one I know could ever love me like HE has loved me. Thanks for the reminder, because it's easy for my loneliness to fall into despair, but I know having a boyfriend is not God's plan for me right now. The best advice I have to give any other girl who feels lonely today, is to not think about yourself or fall victim to not having somebody, letting it get to you. Instead, get the focus off of yourself, (it's hard to do.... especially today!) and think about something else, like the fact that God has a wonderful plan for you and a guy down the road, not now when we're too young.

    Thanks again Erin!
    Promise
    Thank You
    on Monday, February 14, 2011 at 9:33 am
    I was sniffiling through the whole thing, feeling sorry for myself. But now, i feel a little better. I guess i cant just block out the fact i may not have a valentine, but i can stop feeling sorry for myself and enjoy others, and know that its all in God's timing. And. i can always write love letters to God. He can feel a little left out to, i believe.
    Kori
    Amen!
    on Monday, February 14, 2011 at 11:58 am
    Thanks for this amazing post! We serve a great God! This Valentine's Day, I want to celebrate being a part of the ultimate romance with Jesus Christ. What a cure for feeling lonely!
    monica
    Re:
    on Monday, February 14, 2011 at 12:12 pm
    Maybe its strange, but somehow I dont feel bad that its valentine's day and I dont have a valentine. I guess it would be different if everything was closed and no school or work and stuff, but for me its just a normal busy monday, at night I will be too tired to care about valentines!! lol
    Except I guess I have one little weakness, I have drop in hockey every monday night and I was tempted to not show up cuz then everyone will know I dont have a boyfriend, but I decided I'm gonna go and not be ashamed of being single, I just hope I'm not the only one showing up!!!!
    ps. think on the positive side, imagine how many people are stressing about what to do for their valentine or are disappointed with what they got, I know people that are stressed about it (personally if I ever get married I'm gonna ask my husband if its OK to not celebrate it at all. I'd rather get or give things on the impulse when I really wanted to, it's way more special that way):)
    Andrea
    Re:
    on Monday, February 14, 2011 at 12:23 pm
    why do all the guys seem to just hate me? i feel horrid for feeling this way, but... i know i used to be sortof awkward (my mom says its because i had clinical depression and i was so focused on myself and i didn't learn how to do stuff... but i think she's just making excuses for me ) and i cant' talk to guys, and i'm kindof shy and quiet, but i'm fun, and i'm considered the prettiest girl in the church, and maybe for miles around... there's this one guy who hates me and mocks me every chance he gets....my mom thinks it's because he has a grudge against me for being so rude to him last year when he sexually harrassed me...( i guess that's what you call it, at least that's how i felt) i forgive him and i want to be friends with guys and i want to be able to talk to them...supposedly i cant because my dad's and my relationship is nonexistant and the one brother that i did have is a missionary in another country:p
    anyway what i really wanted to say was that how do i help one of my friends' friends who is sexting on her brother's phone and no one knows but her friend who she doesn't listen to......does what i just said make any sense?
    Hallie
    <3
    on Monday, February 14, 2011 at 12:40 pm
    This was the perfect thing i needed today. My best friend got asked out today and I've been feeling really lonely. thank you times a million. (:
    Traci
    Thanks!
    on Monday, February 14, 2011 at 12:42 pm
    Thanks for this, Erin! It is really encouraging!!! I have been struggling with this alot lately, and all of the posts on this blog have been helping me alot! (Besides, of course, spending ALOT of time knee-deep in God's Word!!!) :-D
    Single
    Thanks :)
    on Monday, February 14, 2011 at 1:02 pm
    I don't have a boyfriend currently, and today has been especially hard at school. I'm sick of seeing people carrying around bears or balloons in the hallway, or having the choir girls come around in class and sing to someone. This post really helped me think about it in a different perspective, I don't feel as lonely anymore.
    Single
    Thanks :)
    on Monday, February 14, 2011 at 1:02 pm
    I don't have a boyfriend currently, and today has been especially hard at school. I'm sick of seeing people carrying around bears or balloons in the hallway, or having the choir girls come around in class and sing to someone. This post really helped me think about it in a different perspective, I don't feel as lonely anymore.
    AbbyS
    Valentines
    on Monday, February 14, 2011 at 2:01 pm
    Wow. What a great reminder. Praise God. I agree!
    =)
    Thank you
    on Monday, February 14, 2011 at 2:03 pm
    Although I don't find myself struggling with loneliness, this was so encouraging!

    Thank you for the references and insight!

    Happy Valentine's Day!
    Meg
    Andrea & Hannahbelle
    on Monday, February 14, 2011 at 3:46 pm
    andrea: hey girl! don't forget that most guys (especially in high school) are REALLY immature and their opinions of you don't matter. don't worry about chasing guy friendships down either... if God wants them to happen, they will. as for your friend's friend you can always pray for her! <3

    hannahbelle: I'll be praying! <3
    Fuzzy Socks
    Re: Andrea
    on Monday, February 14, 2011 at 5:18 pm
    Girl... my heart is hurting for you. I know how that is... I've been through a lot with guys. And just remember that guys are only human. But the greatest guy is Jesus and if you pursue him for answers he will give them! I love you and i will be praying for you.

    Love,

    Fuzzy
    Fuzzy Socks
    i need help
    on Monday, February 14, 2011 at 5:21 pm
    Okay. So i'm a freshman adn a senior i'm good friends with likes me. He's already eighteen and everything and yeah. And i've already told him how i feel, which is htat i'm too young and not mature enough to have a relationship adn it's not God's timing. He's okay with that... actually he's encouraging it. but he gave me a bracelet today and asked me to wait for him for three years (when i turn eighteen) and then we can finally date. idk what to say to him. i took the bracelet and wore it today because i thougth it was really pretty. I just am not sure what to do. Can anyone help me?

    Love,
    fuzzy
    LindseyV
    Alley
    on Monday, February 14, 2011 at 5:23 pm
    Nope, you're not the only one who feels this way. I can think of at least one other person besides me as well. :(
    Amanda
    Re:
    on Monday, February 14, 2011 at 5:43 pm
    The first time I heard "Beloved" by Tenth Avenue North I felt so pursued by God. I normally have negative feelings on this day, but today I woke up thinking that God can be my Valentine. He loves us in a way no human ever can. Thinking about these things made my day a lot better!
    Veronica
    True Valentine
    on Monday, February 14, 2011 at 6:01 pm
    Thanks Erin for this sweet post! God IS our true valentine!
    Kayla
    Re:
    on Monday, February 14, 2011 at 6:20 pm
    Thank you so much!!! I really needed to hear this today. It's been hard lately but I'm working through it with God's help. Valentine's has always been rough on me. Anyway, thank you a million!
    Liz
    Great Post! :) I feel loveddd....
    on Monday, February 14, 2011 at 7:43 pm
    Thank you so much for this post! Especially that last part, it really made me feel better about today :) It's WONDERRFULLLL knowing how much Jesus loves us! :D big smiles. Jesus we love you too!
    Julianna
    Happy Valentines Day
    on Monday, February 14, 2011 at 7:48 pm
    I used to be very anti-valentines day and believed there was no joy in it for someone who doesn't have a boyfriend, but then I realized I have something better than love from an earthly guy. God loves me, and thats all that matters. I realized I had been dwelling so much on not having someone to give me little tokens of affection (Materialistic things like flowers, chocolates, etc.) that I lost sight of what really matters.
    Happy Valentines Day!
    SaMaRa
    <3
    on Monday, February 14, 2011 at 8:23 pm
    Aww. . .That is very sweet!! thank you!! =)
    Steph
    Just what I needed
    on Monday, February 14, 2011 at 9:21 pm
    Thanks Erin soooo much for writing this! I always tend to get down on myself every year when Valentine's Day rolls around. I've never had a valentine, or a boyfriend really for that matter. I have many guy friends (and have had several crushes, too over the years) but I always seem to end up not being liked in return... and it really, really hurts. I am happy for my friends who have someone to love, but I can't help but feel a little bit jealous. This really helped after a long day of trying to hold my head up and remember that Jesus loves me, and that's all that matters. It means a lot.
    God & a Girl
    A Very Happy Valentine's Day
    on Monday, February 14, 2011 at 11:44 pm
    This Valentine's day I feel so blessed! God made me very aware of His presence and His amazing love. I have felt His love all day long and i just can't focus on other things. This post just added to that excitement and joy, so thank you! I have been reminding all of my friends of the love that God has for them. Christ is truly the best Valentine.
    hopeandfaith
    Re:
    on Tuesday, February 15, 2011 at 4:48 am
    great stuff! really helps us singles!
    Alley
    to Fuzzy Socks
    on Tuesday, February 15, 2011 at 9:36 am
    hmm that's a toughie. my first question: is he a christian? i would def break it off right now if he's not a christian. if he is, hmm. well i'm your age so i'm trying to imagine what i'd be feeling if i was in your shoes. here's the thing: i don't know the guy but most likely he'll say "oh i'll wait for you" but he just wants one thing... once he graduates he'll proly go to college... is it worth waiting 3 years to date him if he'll be gone? idk its def up to you... i'd pray bout it. this past summer this totally adorable guy told me he'd wait till i'm 16 so he can date me... yea rite. he broke up with me like a month and a half later (except he didn't tell me- he just stopped texting/calling me or showing up at my youth group). so in my personal experience, they don't mean it when they say they'll wait. but ik ur dude might be different... PRAY. ask God for his insight and wisdom. check out Jeremiah 29:11 and trust that whatever he guides you to do is the right thing...even if the right thing is reallllly hard. i'll be prayin 4 you. ;)
    Alley
    had the best Valentines Day ever- yayyy!!!
    on Tuesday, February 15, 2011 at 9:45 am
    i thought i was guna be all mopey yesterday but God anwered my prayers... no, i still don't have a boyfriend, but my dad totally suprised me- he bought me a box of chocolate-covered strawberries (my favorite!!!) with a sweet note taped to it. i am so lucky to have such an awesome father, praise God. =)
    my best-friend made me a heart-shaped scone and wrote me a note that almost made me cry.
    Ladies, if you ask him, God will answer your prayers. spend time with your dad...he's the guy God wants you to depend on (for now). and praise him for good friends that really care!!!
    i hope God will encourage you through ppl around you like he did for me, and i'm sure he will... he is our faithful father and he loves us dearly.
    Katherine
    Re:
    on Tuesday, February 15, 2011 at 10:26 am
    thanks for posting this, i really needed to hear that! anyway, yesterday was the first time i've really gotten "valentines blues" or whatever :P i used to be really shy and awkward, but now that i have more guy friends, idk its just different. there's this guy who i've been friends with for a while, but now he's been acting like he likes me...i guess we're kind of a thing...we were sort of playing footsie yesterday. the thing thats really frustrating is, he hasn't even told me to my face that he likes me. and he's a really big flirt, and idk if he's just using me. i feel kind of desperate...cuz he's one guy who i can really talk to, and i don't want to throw our friendship away. and there's this other guy who i really like more than him, and i think he's more Godly and i respect him, but i feel really shy around him. i just feel like im selling cheap or something...idk if this was really long and confusing, but i just needed to tell someone :P
    Kat
    Thanks!!
    on Tuesday, February 15, 2011 at 12:43 pm
    Thank you so much!

    Valentine's Day was kinda hard because my best friend has a boyfriend and I don't. But at the end of the day, I knew that God loves me more than I could ever imagine, and I thank Him for that.

    Your post really helped me! Thanks again!
    Annamarie
    Re:
    on Tuesday, February 15, 2011 at 1:14 pm
    Yesterday night I was thinking I didn't even get a Valentine from a guy... but thanks for this post, it really helped me.
    Anita
    Oh Wow
    on Tuesday, February 15, 2011 at 9:03 pm
    Thanks so much. I needed this. I'll try and follow through. Jesus is a lot of people's Valentines'. Not just Valentine's day... all year. Please pray for me to try my best, as well as all other girls in this area
    Annamarie
    Re: Fuzzy Socks
    on Wednesday, February 16, 2011 at 1:48 pm
    Your lucky to actually get a guy that likes you. I think it's nice that you got a braclet from him and everything, but it's good your waiting for the right guy and everything. Maybe he isn't the right guy. I think you should wear it and everything, (because you think it's pretty and all) but I don't think you should make the promise because you don't know if he is right or not.
    Annamarie
    Re: Fuzzy Socks
    on Wednesday, February 16, 2011 at 1:50 pm
    And one more thing, it seems to me if you wear it then it means you are promising him, so if you aren't promising him take it off, but if you are, wear it. Remember always go to God first.
    Gracefalls
    Fuzzy
    on Wednesday, February 16, 2011 at 6:33 pm
    Hey girl... I really dont have advice but just wanted to say that you seem to be the girl with all the answers to all the question and seem to help everyone else out. Thank you. ps... if God wants you with this guy... well and he is respecting you right now... he might be the one... but he might get into other girls whn you are still in school.... ( i know that was so cliche sorry )
    Gabriella
    Help...
    on Thursday, February 17, 2011 at 11:27 pm
    Okay, I'm with a guy right now and he is everything I could want in a guy...but is wrong to fall in love right now just being a teenager?? It feels like when I pray about us I have no doubts...Do you think that means that God is okay with us and how things or going right now? How do you know when God is trying to lead you down the right path or have you turn away from the wrong one?
    Gabriella
    :-)
    on Thursday, February 17, 2011 at 11:28 pm
    p.s. i enjoyed reading this blog though!
    Kim
    To Gabriella <3
    on Saturday, February 19, 2011 at 4:46 pm
    Whenever there is a time in your life when you are unsure of where God wants you to do you should:

    Pray~ which sounds like what you are doing right now. Continue praying and talking to Him, even if you feel like He isn't responding, just keep doing it.

    Read~ the Bible, meditate on God's Word. It puts everything in perspective, and makes sure you are following God's guidlines for you life.

    Rest~ i believe having a quiet time is very important when you can listen to His voice. I believe feeling peace about a situation is a response from God.

    And remember God wants what is best for you :) if you are reading the Bible, and meditating on His word and still feel peace, you should be fine. It's when you get that uneasy/guilty/unsure feeling when you got to realllly pay attention to areas of your life.

    God loves you honey :)
    Fuzzy Socks
    Re: Everyone ;D
    on Sunday, February 20, 2011 at 8:00 pm
    Thanks for the advice... sometimes i know what i need to do, i just need affirmation in what my decision is. The guy is not a Christian, and he is a very outspoken agnostic. He is used to be a major druggie and everything... I got to know him from the mental hospital, unknowing he was in my jazz band... lol but seriously, i gave him the bracelet back once i thought about it. I didnt really wanna be with him, I just wanted to know a guy was there for me... one who woulnd't hit me or bruise me or use me... But now i know that Jesus is my valentine and He's writinig me a beautiful love story. Thanks so much for your prayers and concerns!

    Love yall,
    Fuzzy
    Gabriella
    Re: Kim
    on Tuesday, February 22, 2011 at 1:20 am
    Thanks for the advice. I will do my best:)
    p.s. God will provide!

    - Gabriella:)
    Aubrey
    r u peeps afraid of hights?
    on Tuesday, March 1, 2011 at 11:42 am
    Ok, so this has nothing to do with this article but it might cheer you guys up. So if you are afraid of the dark or afraid of heights or afraid of saying I love you this is great for you. Here it is:

    Your not afraid of heights, your afraid of falling. Your not afraid of the dark, your afraid of whats in it. Your not afraid of saying I Love You, your afraid of the response you'll get.

    A friend told me this when i was feeling down and i don't know why but it cheered me up so im hoping if anyone is upset out there that this will cheer you up to.

    Oh, and BTW i really liked this post :-)
    Gabriella
    Re: Aubrey
    on Friday, March 4, 2011 at 5:31 pm
    Hey girl, even though I'm not afraid of heights or the dark I think we all struggle with saying I love you...and we all have different situations relating to it. Very true concept and it does kind of cheer a person up! lol
    Sarah
    wow!
    on Friday, April 22, 2011 at 3:20 pm
    WOW!!!
    God himself is My valentine!!!
    that´s huge!!!
    2 Sarah
    4 Sarah
    on Saturday, May 14, 2011 at 5:40 pm
    hey girl!!! this is Grace. m..R U sarah .h.??????????PLZ tell me! if ur not so sorry!!!!! lol!!!!!!!!!!
    Alisha
    A idea :)
    on Tuesday, August 9, 2011 at 11:12 pm
    I am going to get a heart balloon for valentines day and give it to God! <3
    Miss T
    WOW!!
    on Wednesday, September 7, 2011 at 11:14 am
    It is far from Valentine's Day, but this was a VERY AWESOME article. I never looked at it this way and I will from now on. He is the ultimate Valentine, He can give what NO man can and that's EVERYTHING!!!
    Nicky
    Guys
    on Friday, September 23, 2011 at 3:42 pm
    Um...well is it wrong to date a non-christian? because i kinda think that if you do date a non-christian its not bad as long as they don't like diss on God or Jesus. :/
    Carrie, with the LYWB team
    Nicky
    on Monday, September 26, 2011 at 7:57 pm
    Hey Nicky ~

    Here’s a link to Erin’s post “ Is it okay to date non-Christians?

    ( http://www.liesyoungwomenbelieve.com/index.php?id=662).

    Let me know if you have any questions.

    Grace,
    Carrie
    monica
    Valentine's Day
    on Monday, October 29, 2012 at 9:05 pm
    My problem with Valentine's Day was that everywhere I looked, I saw couples hugging and kissing and it felt like everyone was looking at me because they knew I'd never dated anybody. people even tried to set me up on dates. I also had more bad things happen to me on that day than everyone else has happen to them on Friday the Thirteenth. Now, I think I'll view the next Valentine's Day in a more positive light-I have a long time before I have to worry about it, but I will no longer see it as Cry Your Eyes Out Day.

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