Last week I decided to sit down and write out the reasons why I don't pursue guys and why I don't think other young women should, either. I loved reading your comments and want to give you more reasons to wait for a guy to pursue you. So, here goes. "/>

Why I Won't Pursue a Guy (Part 2)

Paula Hendricks 02/17/11 | Twitter: @PaulaWrites678
Category: Relationships ; 22 comments

Last week I decided to sit down and write out the reasons why I don't pursue guys and why I don't think other young women should, either. I loved reading your comments and want to give you more reasons to wait for a guy to pursue you. So, here goes:      

girl with heart4. I am already loved completely, passionately, and unconditionally by the greatest Man who ever lived! 

What does this have to do with whether I pursue a guy? Everything! I no longer have to search for love or seek to find my worth in a man's desire for me. In fact, God tells me to guard my heart above all else, because everything I do flows from it (Prov. 4:23). His love is enough for me.  

"I have loved you with an everlasting love; I have drawn you with unfailing kindness" (Jer. 31:3). 

How precious to me are your thoughts, God! How vast is the sum of them! Were I to count them, they would outnumber the grains of sand-when I awake, I am still with you (Ps.139:17–18).

God is love. In this the love of God was made manifest among us, that God sent his only Son into the world, so that we might live through him. In this is love, not that we have loved God but that he loved us and sent his Son to be the propitiation for our sins (1 John 4:8–10).

5. I don't know what is best for me, only God does.

How many times have you set your sights on a guy, only to realize later that he grosses you out? I'm afraid I've done that more times than I care to count! That's because:

The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately sick; who can understand it? (Jer. 17:9).

Desire without knowledge is not good, and whoever makes haste with his feet misses his way (Prov. 19:2).

God, on the other hand, knows the hearts of all men (1 Kings 8:39)! You can trust Him to lead and protect you, even when you don't realize you need protecting. 

Trust in the LORD with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths (Prov. 3:5–6).

6. God has nothing but good in store for those who wait on Him.

Remind yourself often of these promises from your God who cannot lie:

None who wait for you shall be put to shame (Ps. 25:3).

For the LORD God is a sun and shield; the LORD bestows favor and honor. No good thing does he withhold from those who walk uprightly (Ps. 84:11).

Oh, taste and see that the LORD is good! Blessed is the man who takes refuge in him! (Ps. 34:8).

Oh, how abundant is your goodness, which you have stored up for those who fear you and worked for those who take refuge in you, in the sight of the children of mankind! (Ps. 31:19).

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future" (Jer. 29:11).

Check back next week for the final three reasons I don't pursue guys. And in the meantime please add your own verses to my list! Also, which promise from today's post meant the most to you personally?


HEY, GIRLS! We love hearing from you, but feel limited in the ways we can help. For one thing, we’re not trained counselors. If you’re seeking counsel, we encourage you to talk to your pastor or a godly woman in your life as they’ll know more details and can provide you with ongoing accountability and help. Also, the following comments do not necessarily reflect the views of Revive Our Hearts. We reserve the right to remove comments which might be unhelpful, unsuitable, or inappropriate.

    on Thursday, February 17, 2011 at 7:48 am
    very good reasons. i am so happy to have someone who knows what is right for me when i do not
    Its true
    on Thursday, February 17, 2011 at 8:49 am
    It really is true. I read the 1st one and hopped on this one. I really shouldn't be worried, because God has everything in store for me all in due time. The bible says that He doesn't give us more than we can handle, We always use that in reference to bad things. Maybe God knows you cannot mentally and physically handle a guy. Maybe he wants me to wait until I know its His perfect timing and not mine. THANK YOU!
    on Thursday, February 17, 2011 at 8:50 am
    My favorite promise is, God has nothing but good in store for those who wait on Him. It applies to so many areas of my life. Even though I have heard it before it is good to hear again and again.
    on Thursday, February 17, 2011 at 12:25 pm
    The promise that meant the most to me was probably the one that says, God has nothing but good in store for those who wait on him. Because it promises that if we wait patiently, we will be satisfied and we will be pleased.
    The Peace of Christ
    on Thursday, February 17, 2011 at 12:40 pm
    Paula, this is so true!!!! I love it. And yes i have "set my sights on a guy, only to realize later that he grosses me out." That really made me laugh. I love the promise that God withholds no good thing from those who walk uprightly. God is so good.
    Not exactly on topic, but ill say it anyway.

    If a guy is pursuing you and you think that he might be the one, let the peace of Christ rule in your heart(col. 3:15). If, after lots of prayer, you have Christ's peace about beginning or refraining from a relationship, then follow the path that leads to God's peace.
    One example of Christ's peace that I am experiencing right now. . .
    I am afraid of witnessing. I always have been; many times i get a stomach ache if i think that i need to witness. God has impressed me to witness to a girl in my dance class, and i really feel his peace about it. Tomorow we are going out to dinner, and if the time is right, i am going to tell her the good news. Please pray for me. I am so inadequate but God is faithful!!
    Re: Promise
    on Thursday, February 17, 2011 at 12:54 pm
    I agree with you. :)
    on Thursday, February 17, 2011 at 1:16 pm
    This is great!!:)
    The last verse Jeremiah 29:11 jumped out at me:)
    Thank you!! Can't wait to read more!
    Paula Hendricks
    To Shanni
    on Thursday, February 17, 2011 at 1:31 pm
    Wow, Shanni, I'm definitely praying for you!
    Re: Shanni
    on Thursday, February 17, 2011 at 2:04 pm
    I've felt that way before but then when I did witness to these people I had no idea who they were, (I was about 10 or 11 and they were high schoolers) it really wasn't that bad at all. I was with my friend, we where at the park and there were alot of high school girls at the park, and they were kinda swearing and stuff, so me and my friend were like "Hey we should go tell them about Jesus," and my friend was the pastor's daughter at our church, so we walked over there and they asked us a weird question and we said "We were going to tell you guys something", then we turned around and went back to her house, we were kinda nervous, (her house was right across from the park) and they followed us saying "Wait tell us" so they came up to the front porch or her house and they sat down in front of us. My friend took out a Bible and we talked to them, they had questions about Jesus. One of them even ran back to their house and came back with cookies! (and I think we even brought something out too) It was really amazing for my first time witnessing and it wasn't that bad!

    I'll be praying for you Shanni!
    on Thursday, February 17, 2011 at 2:47 pm
    I love the second one how God knows every mans heart and we dont ,this really spoke to me today i want to thank you so much for posting this:}:}:}:} it was really true guys can be gross trust me lolol
    kathy annie
    on Thursday, February 17, 2011 at 4:35 pm
    I am totally loving these posts! Thanks! My favorite promise from the Lord right now is that He is looking out for me even when I feel swoon by cute guy. This week, I have especially experienced and I am so happy God's protection covers me :)
    on Thursday, February 17, 2011 at 5:20 pm
    Thanks for this, Paula! You are such an encouragement to me to wait for God's timing with my [non-existent, lol] "love life!"
    The promise that means the most to me is that God knows what is best for me - and I DEFINITELY don't!!! He is SO GOOD and SO FAITHFUL! Thanks for the encouragement!
    Alex Edwards
    That is soooooo True!!!
    on Thursday, February 17, 2011 at 6:33 pm
    I cannot believe you are saying this. . . and good name on the Title, it caught my eye. These things are so true and backed up with a Bibical Truth
    on Thursday, February 17, 2011 at 7:07 pm
    Thank you for this entry, I believe that it also pertains to other things other than "pursuing guys". It was really helpful thank you.
    on Thursday, February 17, 2011 at 11:53 pm
    This was awesome. I felt encouraged by your post :) Printing it out right now...
    Be praying for you Shanni
    on Friday, February 18, 2011 at 1:02 am
    I like the second one. That entire Psalm is amazing, and it makes me feel all warm inside when I think of the fact that God is always with me. I also like Jeramiah 17:9 because it's so true. The heart really is sick!
    on Friday, February 18, 2011 at 2:59 pm
    I've had a boyfriend for about a year now, the ironic thing is I never pursued him. It gave me the chance for us to become best friends (without any pursuit of each other). The guys that I tried to pursue beforehand, never worked. I can almost say it was because I didn't trust God enough that He would work behind the scenes while I was following hard after Him alone. When I started to, God did so many amazing things (and still does everyday) and provided a best friend that became a boyfriend.
    Fuzzy Socks
    Re: Shanni
    on Sunday, February 20, 2011 at 8:12 pm
    Hey, girl. I used to be in your shoes. You see, i became a Christian in seventh grade and lived in a nonchristian home. I felt like i knew i should tell my own mother about my changed life but i couldn't. It took me a year of praying that God would lavish upon me courage to tell people i became a christian until i finally did it. It might take a lot of courage, but God can definately help you through it!!!

    on Wednesday, June 15, 2011 at 10:47 pm
    I love this thread. I am no longer a "young woman" by society's standards (I'm now 40...gasp) but I do see the importance of putting your faith and trust in God and not in man. I've made that mistake a time or two, and have now finally peacefully, quietly, slowly realized that God will provide a loving honest man whom I can love and who will love me. I will prayerfully follow His plan for my life.
    everlasting love
    on Tuesday, August 2, 2011 at 1:37 am
    "I have loved you with an everlasting love; I have drawn you with unfailing kindness" (Jer. 31:3). This verse in the post really ministered to's the 2nd time for the day that I'm bucking up on it...hmmm lol!

    I no longer have to search for love or seek to find my worth in a man's desire for me.
    That part too made me stop and think.

    Thank you for the post!!!
    on Thursday, September 26, 2013 at 7:33 pm
    I just wonder why the first one is so hard for me to believe... my heart has been deeply broken ,not just one time... 3 times by the same guy.. and is just because i forgive him one and over and over again. i try to guard my heart, but suddenly i fall with his foolish charming attitudes of repentance.

    I'm exhausted.. And i'm about to be sure that is because i dont value my life with God's love. Please pray for me.. I need healing.. I already have 5 months since i dumped him out from my heart and i have no communication with him. But honestly i've continued sooo hurt and wounded. Do u have any advice for my situation?

    Now i really dont want him even near from me, which is a huge problem, cuz i gotta love him as my brother in Jesus, but i dont wanna make hopes grow again. X_x
    Paula Hendricks
    To Alesha
    on Tuesday, October 1, 2013 at 1:05 pm
    Dear Alesha,

    I'm so sorry you've been hurt so deeply. How I relate . . .

    I write about a similar heartbreak in chapter 13 of "Confessions of a Boy-Crazy Girl." I refer to it as "the winter of my soul," because I really felt like I had died and didn't know when (or if) I would ever come back to life again.

    But I did! You wanna know how? I'd grown up hearing God's Word all the time, but for the first time in my life I personalized His promises. I made them my own. I decided to really believe them. I repeated them. I clung to them. I never would've made it through that dark season without His promises that were meant for ME.

    That'll be your way out of this dark winter season too, Alesha. God says, "Faith comes by hearing and hearing by the Word of God." Immerse yourself in it. You might want to start by getting Ephesians 1 into you--all about how God chose YOU before He set the clock of time . . . and ALL He has blessed you with.

    Praying for you,


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