Ask Erin: "How do I interact with guys just as a friend?"

posted by Erin Davis on 02/18/11 | Twitter: @ErinGraffiti
Category: Guys; ; 85 comments

At the beginning of this month, I asked you to tell me your most burning questions when it comes to guys and romance. One question that popped up often was, "How do I interact with guys just as a friend/Christian sister?" We also saw a lot of a similar question: "Is it okay to become friends with a guy to see if they'd make a good husband?"

I am so glad you're asking these questions! I want you to understand the difference between standing firm in your commitment to purity (a very, very good thing) and being standoffish toward the guys in your life (not such a good thing). Sometimes girls' ministry leaders (myself included) make the mistake of encouraging firm boundaries so often that we forget to encourage Christ-like interactions with the guys in your life.

Yes, you can have friends who are guys and yes, friendship is a great way to discover if a guy would make a great husband. Nowhere in Scripture does God call men and women to be so completely separated that that there is no room for interaction. Also, when we encourage you to wait on God's timing for romance, we aren't saying that you should lock yourself away from all guys until the perfect man drops into your house with a ring.

Marriage isn't the only relationship where it is appropriate for guys and girls to interact. Think about your dad. How do you spend time with him? You talk. You hang out. You eat together. You do things you both enjoy. I am sure there are other guys in your life that you have healthy interactions with as well. Just because you are a girl spending time with a guy doesn't mean romantic music will start playing in the background and butterflies will start swarming in your stomach.

In fact, Scripture tells us that we are to interact with each other in a loving and warm way regardless of gender. Here's just a taste of what the Bible says about how we are to treat each other.

"Love one another" (John 13:34), and 12 other references. 
"Be devoted to one another in love" (Rom. 12:10). 
"Honor one another above yourselves" (Rom. 12:10). 
"Live in harmony with one another" (Rom. 12:16). 
"Accept one another, then, just as Christ accepted you" (Rom. 15:7). 
"Have equal concern for each other" (1 Cor. 12:25). 
"Serve one another humbly in love" (Gal. 5:13). 
"Carry each other's burdens" (Gal. 6:2). 
"Be patient, bearing with one another in love" (Eph. 4:2). 
"Be kind and compassionate to one another" (Eph. 4:32). 
"Forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you" (Eph. 4:32). 
"Speaking to one another with psalms, hymns, and songs from the Spirit" (Eph. 5:19). 
"Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ" (Eph. 5:21). 
"In humility value others above yourselves" (Phil. 2:3). 
"Bear with each other" (Col. 3:13).  
"Make your love increase and overflow for each other" (1 Thess. 3:12). 
"Encourage one another" (1 Thess. 4:18, 5:11). 
"Build each other up" (1 Thess. 5:11). 
"Encourage one another daily" (Heb. 3:13)
"Spur one another on to love and good deeds" (Heb. 10:24).
"Encouraging one another (Heb. 10:25). 
"Love one another deeply, from the heart" (1 Pet. 1:22)
"Be like-minded, be sympathetic, love one another" (1 Pet. 3:8). 
"Love each other deeply" (1 Pet. 4:8). 
"Offer hospitality to one another without grumbling" (1 Pet. 4:9). 
"Each one should use whatever gift you have received to serve others" (1 Pet. 4:10). 
"Clothe yourselves with humility toward one another" (1 Pet. 5:5).

The Bible clearly teaches us to be warm, kind, and loving toward our Christian brothers, not cold or standoffish. You can be friends with the guys. In fact, you should be friends with guys. God has called you to be kind, encouraging, patient, and concerned with all of the people around you regardless of their gender. Putting these skills into practice in your relationships now can only help prepare you for marriage in the future.

Bottom line girls: treating others well is always okay. Guys aren't the enemy. They were created in the image of God just like you were. What's more, Christian guys are adopted into the same family you are. They are your spiritual brothers and treating them well isn't just okay, it's commanded.

For more on healthy boundaries in guy/girl friendships, check out a post from our archives here.

Keep the great questions coming. I look forward to answering them armed with the truth of God's Word.

Comments

HEY, GIRLS! We love hearing from you, but feel limited in the ways we can help. For one thing, we’re not trained counselors. If you’re seeking counsel, we encourage you to talk to your pastor or a godly woman in your life as they’ll know more details and can provide you with ongoing accountability and help. Also, the following comments do not necessarily reflect the views of Revive Our Hearts. We reserve the right to remove comments which might be unhelpful, unsuitable, or inappropriate.

Chloe

Cool
on Friday, February 18, 2011 at 4:33 pm

I've never been the one to have very many guy friends, but I do have a few. In my opinion, guys can be some of the nicest and funniest friends, depending on their personality and all that stuff. It's a relief for me to hear that there's no harm in being friends with guys, because if there was I would be pretty bummed out. I do have one question though, are there guys with certain personalities who we shouldn't be friends with? If so, what are they? I know it seems kind of bad to say that but I was just wondering.

Abbys

Wow!
on Friday, February 18, 2011 at 4:50 pm

Thanks for clearing it up! :)

Gabriella

What if..
on Friday, February 18, 2011 at 5:00 pm

Okay, what if the guy really likes you, and you just want to be friends and when you tell him things are never the same...

Bekah

Thanks! :D
on Friday, February 18, 2011 at 5:14 pm

Thanks Erin, this was really helpful!!

madi

QUESTION!
on Friday, February 18, 2011 at 5:17 pm

how to be friend with a guy and treat him like the above verses say, but not lead him on to make him think you like him? i wanna have guy friends, but a lot of the time they think i love them in a different way because i am nice, how do i not do that?

Mayrin

flirting?
on Friday, February 18, 2011 at 5:34 pm

ok.. i just want to know how can i be flirting innocently? cause i have a really nice friend but i think he's getting the wrong idea, and i want to be sure that i'm not doing or saying things that make him think i am interested in more than frienship (not true), please help me with this!! i dont want to be standoffish but i want him to be my friend! help!

Alley

THANK YOU!!!
on Friday, February 18, 2011 at 7:04 pm

thank you sooooo much for this post- huuuuge encouragement thanks MUCH. been thinkin bout this subject ALOT lately... ;)

Jenna

thanks =]
on Friday, February 18, 2011 at 8:54 pm

Thanks for that post Erin! It was very encoraging and taught me how to treat guys as friends!

Mikayla

good post, but...
on Friday, February 18, 2011 at 10:43 pm

this is a good post, but i'm still not sure how to interact well with guys. this post doesn't specify how exactly to interact with the male gender. i'm from a community where guys and girls don't really interact that much. i'm also more of an introvert type person, so i'm kinda awkward, especially around guys. anyway, any tips for having godly friendships with guys would be greatly appreciated! i seriously need help! :)
p.s. i'm very jealous of all you girls who know how to talk to guys!

Livn4daLord

Totally agreed!
on Friday, February 18, 2011 at 10:53 pm

Thank you so much Erin!
I agree with you totally...
I don't have many guy friends, and with-in the past few months I have started becoming friends with guys, and it's alot more harder than it looks, because one of my guy friends is 4 years older than me, and I have really grown to like him, more than a friend. And he likes me too. so to be able to read this post, and understand that their is guidelines between a guy/girl relationship. Doesn't mean that you can't have fun. But going to far in a friendsip, doesn't just hurt you, but it hurts both of you, and the relationship between the two of you!! :D

Lynn

Help?
on Friday, February 18, 2011 at 10:54 pm

Today, I was walking with some of my guy friends, and they started making some inappropriate jokes about the way I walked, and I let them and possibly even encouraged it. Now I feel really guilty and realize that by encouraging them, I was also encouraging them to sin. I want to apologize, but I'm not sure how to do that without being awkward.

Also, I am trying to keep myself emotionally and physically pure, (especially not hugging boys) but every time this guy that I like comes up and hugs me, I completely forget about my standard of no-front-hugging and hug him back. How can I remind myself of my guidelines?

PS. Great Post!

Hope

just what i needed
on Friday, February 18, 2011 at 10:56 pm

thanks so much for writing this Erin! it was perfect timing..this whole month basically has been just for me! God is so GOOD! Lately he has been challenging me with my dating relationship life, and whether i should give it to him and let it go, he said YES! and the other day i talk to him and told him the situation and the whole "lets just be friends because i think it is what God has for me" kinda speech and i was worried about what he was gonna say and God came through again and he reacted well and we are starting out as friends again..just friends..but i was asking God just this morning what to do about it, being a little nervous from our past wondering if we should even be friends or just let it go..but Thanks so much for the encouragement to BE FRIENDS!!

Mikayla

continued...
on Friday, February 18, 2011 at 11:05 pm

at my school, if someone talks to guys a lot it looks like she is flirting! also, i wouldn't want people to think i like him in a romantic way. people would easily think that. anyway, please help!

Marie

Great post
on Saturday, February 19, 2011 at 12:36 am

Great post! I've always been more open with guys, but my sister is more standoffish.
I agree... if you never interact with guys, how will you ever meet your prince charming? Not only that, but if we only have girls as our friends, we'll never know what the "other gender" is like.

beautifulwonder

thanks
on Saturday, February 19, 2011 at 8:56 am

i love this post. my dad always told me that guys and gurls couldnt be friends no matter how hard we try. thanks erin

Vanessa

Question...
on Saturday, February 19, 2011 at 9:55 am

Great messsge! All these articles the past month have helped me to realize I need to just wait on God's timing. I have a question not exactly related to this, but I need some godly advice...
What about the girls who have messed up? I was in this relationship with this guy who I thought was so special. He was a Christian, treated me right, he was so sweet, and really fun to be around. Anyways, that relationship ended about 3 weeks ago because he had liked a different girl the whole time he was with me and never even bothered to tell me. He just randomly out of the blue was like I'm leaving you for this other girl. I wish so bad now that I had just waited for God's timing... So how do you get over a broken heart made by your own mistakes?

Kelzo

what are guys really looking for?
on Saturday, February 19, 2011 at 1:13 pm

okay...so this is something i really struggle with...
*when you date a guy are they only looking for something sexual or are they really intrested in the real you?
*how do you know when a guy is just flirting or has hidden intentions?
*how do we as girls flirt innocently without turning a guy on sexually?

Meghan

Thanks
on Saturday, February 19, 2011 at 4:49 pm

Great post Erin! Thank you. I have really been struggling in this area.

Bee

Parents
on Sunday, February 20, 2011 at 6:44 am

I'm 16 years old and I feel like I'm the parent in the relationship, always having to look after myself and just being left alone at home, and since I am doing homescholing it would be nice if they would be the parents for once, I just don't know I feel no love, and on top of that life just don't seem to make sence most of the time sigh!!

:)))

My Predicament
on Sunday, February 20, 2011 at 12:05 pm

So, last year I got myself into a relationship with a guy where we "liked" each other, but were "just friends". The last year has been hot and cold - we've gotten jealous about stupid things, we've overreacted, etc.; however, we've also had great fun together. Sometimes I think it would be easier to just end our romantic relationship and just be friends. I know that God is going to put me with the right guy no matter what I decide to do, but I can't decide whether God is telling me to talk to my "friend" about what I've been feeling or just hold my mouth shut. I have some seriously wonderful guy friends, but I feel like I can't talk to them and be awesome friends with them without making this other guy jealous. Ah, please give me your advice!

Jenni

Re:
on Sunday, February 20, 2011 at 4:32 pm

I have been waiting for this post ever since I was in middle school! There are lots of fun guys at our church, and now I can try to be a friend to them!
Thank you so much!

Sarah

Re:
on Sunday, February 20, 2011 at 6:15 pm

Thanks so much for this article! So many times it seems like Christian writers (talking about emotional purity) are implying that girls shun guys and interaction with them as a danger to emotional purity!
I am extremely blessed to have a wonderful group of friends (guys/girls) which continues to remain strictly platonic. I have no romantic relationship, and am able to get to know a lot of different guys.

That said, I struggle with what it means to not be 'personal' with guys. Which is the advice that authors/speakers on emotional purity give. To not give intimate (duh) OR personal details about yourself! iow, you shouldn't give details about how you feel (say 'fine' when asked how you are, instead of 'depressed', for instance). Vice versa for guys. I have a real problem with that, but I don't know how to reconcile that with emotional purity. I'm a rather open person generally, and it's easy for me to tell my friends exactly how I'm feeling, so it's hard for me.

Also, you can get close to a girl, and tell her all sorts of personal things (which is part of being friends). And then when the two of you have separation of sorts, it hurts just as much as when 'give your heart' like that to a guy. What does 'giving your heart' mean anyway? You can't keep your feelings to yourself (especially girls), and you have to trust somebody with them. And there's always a chance you're going to get dropped, and get hurt. Boy or girl, same hurt. Does that mean you should never confide in girl friends either, to 'save your heart' ?

I am soo confused. :-/

Fuzzy Socks

Re: Lynn and :)))
on Sunday, February 20, 2011 at 8:21 pm

Hey, Lynn... Sounds like you're in quite a pickle. I think that you should stop your guy friends if they go over the line again and maybe let them know what your standards are again as a friendly reminder. My guy friends like to hug me (front hugs) but i'm beginning to think that it's not good for me... So if you could pray for me too :) And a reminder is to pray and always remember that what you do is for and to Christ: Don't do anything that you would be ashamed to do in front of Jesus. :) Hope that helps girl.

And :))) I wish i knew your name lol. I'm going to be praying for you for sure!!! Well, this guy... It sort of sounded like friends with benefits. I sure hope it's not!!! But you're probably just friends hwo like eachother. Well, if htat's the case, tell him how you really feel and just be friends. I can't tell you what to do, so seek God earnestly in His word and in prayer. I will be praying........

Love in Christ,
Fuzzy

Meg

Gabrielle
on Sunday, February 20, 2011 at 9:18 pm

I hav the same situation how do you fix it?

Libs

Thanks you for...
on Monday, February 21, 2011 at 12:09 am

Thank you for... the list of Scripture you gave... that was my favorite part of this post! We need to know these things, otherwise, we might end up waiting in locked room, which is definitely UnBiblical. :)

Laura

How do you let the guy know....
on Monday, February 21, 2011 at 10:44 am

....that you just want to be friends and that you aren't trying to chase him? I have some great Christian guy friends but some of them are really close to me in age and I wonder sometimes if that makes them wary of being any kind of friends. I know it can be hard to know the line between chasing and just being interested in their life as a friend, but how can you show them that you do want to have a healthy brother-and-sister-in-Christ relationship?

Katrina

Difficult
on Monday, February 21, 2011 at 11:49 am

I have many guy friends and I love them very much ( in a sister loves brother kind of way). I enjoy their friendships, but there has been some drama between my friends and I and the guys; The usual irritating (for me) drama of he likes her and She likes him. It's difficult to just be friends with guys because many people start thinking that you like him, when the truth is I just wanna be friends. I am not even into Dating anyone. My mother says that friendship between a boy and a girl is hard because one will always end up liking the other or someone will think they do, but she also says that I should proove that fact wrong. I should show girls that it's possible being friends with guys with out all that drama, but it seems like I am the only one with thinks that way.
I need prayer and Godly advice...please!

Darby

i feel weird sometimes having guy friends..
on Monday, February 21, 2011 at 12:13 pm

okay.. i don't like to talk to guys because i don't want to seem like a flirt. besides, guys don't give me any attention (at my church) but if i go somewhere new, i'm sure to get it. i do NOT flirt with guys.. i talk and try to be friends. but i'm sure girls around me think i'm flirting..i like guys as friends. they dont care about what they eat all time, don't have drama, and are just having a good time.. what do i do?

Gods Jewel

Great..
on Monday, February 21, 2011 at 1:57 pm

Same as Mikayla...I don't really interact with many guys, other than my brother and i get this awkward feeling around guys...help!

Annamarie

Re:
on Monday, February 21, 2011 at 4:05 pm

In 6th grade I had a friend that was a boy, we never had anything like liked eachother or anything we just were friends. I'm really am not the kind of person who is like "eww boys!" I really like hanging out with boys, (not like I like them) like my older brother has friends over and I like to be with my brother and his friends. It's never bothered my to interact with boys.

Maryana

Thank You
on Monday, February 21, 2011 at 8:26 pm

I am just now starting to get good guy friends and i am 13. i was just thinking about this the other day . i have this guy that i kinda like but we r like brother and sister, and he likes one of my best friends.
i tlk to him about everything. what should i do ? ?

Gabriella

RE: meg
on Tuesday, February 22, 2011 at 1:12 am

I know right, okay at least I'm not the only one. That question I can never seem to figure out because it has happened to me couple of times and they are great friends but they end up wanting more but when you don't feel the same you loose them:(...
My two friends Brandon and Elias were like my brothers always joking and I could tell them anything but now we don't even talk anymore because of the same exact situation. I hate it because I care about them but I guess they just don't understand...I wish there was a way to avoid this type of situation between guys who are considered just best friends:(

- Gabriella

Lynn

Fuzzy Socks
on Tuesday, February 22, 2011 at 7:36 pm

Thanks girl! I will be praying for you, too.

Guy Friends
on Wednesday, February 23, 2011 at 9:32 am

i have always been the girl that has a lot of guy friends. they are funny and a lot less complicated than girls.
having guy friends is a great way to try to understand how guys looks at things and its great for future realtionships.
but i have a question, if i start to like one of my great guy friends, i really dont wanna ruin the friendship we have, so do i just forget about him as anything more than friends?

Guy Friends
on Wednesday, February 23, 2011 at 11:54 am

Abbey

Question!
on Wednesday, February 23, 2011 at 12:25 pm

This is so helpful! I've always kinda wondered about this one. Now I have a question of my own:

Does anyone have any tips on how to be yourself around guys that are just friends? It's hard to not be shy and act how you would at home, and I don't want to lead two different personalities.

Guy Friends
on Wednesday, February 23, 2011 at 3:42 pm

Meg

Abbey
on Thursday, February 24, 2011 at 6:26 pm

Hey Abbey! I've always felt like it's kinda hard to act myself around guys too, I always worry that they'll get the wrong impression! I think you need to try and see that God made you perfectly and he loves the person that you are. It follows that you don't need to be anyone but you with guys, it's not that you have to act exactly the same with them as you do with your best girl friends (man, that would be embarrassing!), but just don't be afraid to be the person that God created you to be! Also, try and be really focused on being kind to them and try and see them as God's children, I find that focusing on blessing other people, rather than making new friends, helps me to be confident and friendly!

Gabriella

Guys...
on Thursday, February 24, 2011 at 11:00 pm

I have two best friends:)...but then pretty much the rest of my friends are guys. I just prefer them because they always know how to make me laugh even when I'm in the worst mood and there is wayyy less drama with them!!..a lot of the other girls are friends to my face then end up stabbing me in the back by spreading rumors about me that aren't true at all and mix up my whole reputation with others...and it hurts:(....but i love it because when they try and tell the guys lies about me they always have my back and back me up:) Now I'm not saying all guys are gonna be great friends you gotta watch out for some of them....you guys know what I mean. GOD loves us and the one thing u CAN'T let a guy do is make u feel like your worthless or unloved...God made us for a purpose and were all beautiful and deserve the best god has planned for us....

After God's Own Heart

How you can be a Friend, (not a Flirt) to Guys
on Friday, February 25, 2011 at 2:48 pm

Thanks, Erin! I loved how you used points straight from God's Word to arm and educate us. :)

For everyone who has been asking: check out this brief post by Janelle Mahaney for practical advice on how to be a godly, biblical friend to guys without giving even a suspicion of flirtation. :)

http://www.girltalkhome.com/blog/qa-guy-friends

Penguinnnn

:/
on Tuesday, March 22, 2011 at 9:26 pm

I have no problem hanging out with guys. Some of my best friends are guys, who i have no interest in romantically. The problem is that at school i can't hang out with these guys without all the girls in my class making fun of me. For example i sit with a guy in science (assigned seating). He also goes to my church and is in my youth group. So i sit there and talk to him and have a good time and then i get criticized and made fun of by the girls.

I don't want to break off my friendship with him but i also don't want to be made fun of all the time. What am i supposed to do???

Katherine

Ohh, guys..
on Friday, March 25, 2011 at 3:00 pm

I have two questions:

I have a really great guy friend and we're pretty close. His younger sister is like my best friend, so it's wierd sometimes... Sometimes we talk on the phone for a hour or more! We don't like each other and he likes somone else. My parents are worried that we're interested in each other, and something will happen between us! So much so that they don't want me to sleep over at my best friend's (his sis's) house.. I've told them there's nothing to worry about, but they're still nervous.. any advice??

Also how should I interact w/ my guys friends without people thinking I'm a flirt or that I like them?? I guess it's kinda the other persons promlem, but I don't want rumors to be spread about me like some other girls I know..

Victoria

Having a hard time.
on Friday, April 1, 2011 at 12:21 am

I have always had guy friends. I have three older brothers and have always been around guys. I do have a problem of coming off flirtatious when I am trying not to. There is also a guy that I like, I have been praying about him and know I am to young to think about dating or anything. I want to be his friend but without trying I do the overly laugh and giggle thing. It is really hard for me. Does anyone have any ideas on how I can keep myself in check or any verses I can memorize? Please help.

someone

how
on Thursday, April 21, 2011 at 7:13 pm

How do I get to know a guy without making him think I'm interested? He's really nice and he's easy to talk to, but whenever I start talking to him alot my friends will ask me "do you like him?" and won't believe me when I say no. I just want to be his friend, and he's not coming back next year so time is running out.

Sarah 2

to Sarah:p
on Friday, April 22, 2011 at 8:14 pm

I know what u mean with the girl=guy in the friend-kinda-way. Its true that sometimes u can get really hurt but a girl who is (was??) your friend (sometimes even MORE hurt than by some crush u have). But what I recommend is that instead of telling ur feelings to ur friends, try to tell them to ur mom or a christian mentor or whoever has more experience than you that can help u. its not that u wont talk to ur friends bout how u feel or stuff, but try to mostly talk things through with that person u can trust (ur mom or whatever).
hope it helps!:)

Sarah 2

to Sarah:p
on Friday, April 22, 2011 at 8:16 pm

prettygirl

HELP!
on Tuesday, April 26, 2011 at 12:02 pm

Where is the line drawn between flirting and being a nice, friendly person? When does being a nice person turn into flirting? HELLLLPPPPPP!!!!!

prettygirl

one more thing...
on Tuesday, April 26, 2011 at 12:05 pm

i have a friend who my parents think i am not sending a clear enough message... how do you tell a guy that you dont like him THAT way without damaging your friendship?
... also, if a guy is staring inappropriately at you or someone else, is it ok to reprimand them?

Smiley

Re: prettygirl
on Thursday, May 5, 2011 at 7:49 pm

You cross the line from simply being nice, to flirting, when you go out of your way to have a guy pay attention to you or when you hint (in any way) sexual things.

You don't have to tell a guy you're not interested in starting an actual relationship - unless he actually asks. You just have to keep being yourself and staying away from anything that would make him think you're after a serious relationship.

If a guy is staring inappropriately at someone else, I'd subtly get his attention and tell him to stop. Same thing if it's yourself.

I hope this helps and God bless,
Smiley

Wait

Re: Can u reprimand a guy?
on Tuesday, May 24, 2011 at 2:12 am

My... Friend I guess... Tries to be really cool by wearing his pants low, saying inappropriate things, and swearing. It's not cool, but he thinks it is. When he wears his pants low I tell him to pull them up. (I really don't understand why he and his friends think underwear are cool.) one time he didnt listen to me, so I asked my dad to tell him. It worked. I tell him he is not allowed to say bad words and I don't laugh at his bad jokes. I give him an evil glare. My "friend I guess" needs to know that this is not ok behavior. Maybe ur guy friend isn't like that but ur protecting ur purity and innocence. Go for it.

Helen

PLZ, plz, pz,????!!!!???
on Friday, June 10, 2011 at 9:18 am

hey can you girls check the blog " what advice would you give to a girl with a broken heart".i been whating a lllllllooooooonnnnnnggggggggg time 4 some1 2 respond. i would really apreaciate some advice..........

Ashley_likes_cats

shyish girl guy issues
on Monday, June 20, 2011 at 10:07 pm

I don't have a dad in my life, so I've never really known how to act around other guys. I am by no means boy crazy, but whenever I make friends with a guy, I can't help but think: Could this be a potential relationship later in my life? It's something often brought to my mind and then I just don't know how to act around them. And most of the time it's kind of akward. In 7th grade I could hardly look at boy before I'd have to turn away, and to this day I sometimes have trouble. I hope that God will show me how to be a good friend to guys too. I'd really like some feedback from someone! ^^

Ann

Im searching...
on Sunday, June 26, 2011 at 10:45 pm

I am 16 and in 10th grade. i was homeschooled all the way until 9th grade when i started attending a christian school. because of being homeschooled i never had true guy friends. now that im goin to actual school it seems kinda hard...i guess i feel like im searchin...i really want to have some guy friends!! in my class everyone is really close...every girl for the most part talks with every guy and they could care less about sharing stuff with them...i guess its really not always the best! im not saying thats how i want to be, but i just want a healthy relationship (meaning just friend- no more) with guys. I have become close with a few guys, especially one who is 2 years older than me...we definately have no feelings for each other and i am thankful for the friendship. The other problem is that i never really talk with my parents about guy/girl relationships. i know few basic guidelines that they have set as far as dating, but i guess its because they never worried about it. Every time i bring up my few guy friends i have, my mom always teases me about it!!!! I have asked for respect from her in that area, and i guess she tries, but its still hard... I really dont know what to do. I have made a vow of purity and determined in my heart and with the Lord my views of so many areas. I am in no hurry to dive into a dating relationship, because i know the Lord has a plan for my life and has Mr. Right waiting for me!!!! I simply want to know that i am cared for by guys and have some guy friends to encourage as well!! Help me, Erin/girls!! I really would
appreciate it!

Lorree, with the LYWB team

re: Ann
on Tuesday, June 28, 2011 at 11:27 am

Keep talking to your mom about this, Ann. Share with her how you desire to remain pure not only physically but also emotionally until marriage. Share with her how you are struggling with learning how to be friends with guys and see if she has any suggestions for you. It is good to keep this line of communication open with her and with your dad, too, if possible. Dad’s often have great insight for their daughters. Tell them you want to honor their authority over you in this area of your life and ask for their input.

Staying in groups is a great idea for developing guy friends. Don’t isolate yourself off with just one guy. There are a couple of ways you can guard your heart around guys. You can consider them brothers – and they are your brothers in the Lord if they are believers. You can also look at them as belonging to another – God has a special woman for them. Thinking this way can remove any desire or temptation to flirt with them because they are someone else’s guy. You can choose to just be friendly with them. Pray for them. Ask the Lord to grow them into a godly man – a man after God’s own heart. Pray that they would be strong leaders. Pray that they would be pure in their thoughts and actions. Pray for the woman that God has in their future. Try to respond to each guy in the same way. That will keep you from trying to flirt with one particular guy.

Erin had some fantastic scriptural guidelines for relationships in this post. Go back to them and use them as a foundation for all your relationships – both guys and girls! As you seek to honor God by following His commands in His Word, you will find great joy and blessing in the friendships you develop!

Praying for you!
Lorree

Ann

Thanks Lorree!
on Tuesday, June 28, 2011 at 8:53 pm

I appreciate your response, and it feels good knowing someone is praying for me! Heres my next question girls! How should i try to gain those friends. I have tried so often, but i feel like i try too hard. I know i should just be myself, but its hard. I feel like i want guys to notice me. Im sure thats natural for any girl, but im not exactly sure what to do...

Josie

Confused?
on Wednesday, July 20, 2011 at 2:28 pm

My best friend introduced me to this guy from her school, hoping we would hit it off and start dating. He's SUPER cute and funny! But the more we hang out, the more I just want to be friends with him... But i think its too late now. I have a feeling he likes me and he thinks i like him now too. I just want to hang out, have fun, and be friends. How do I tell him im not interested in a relationship without actually SAYING anything? help!

Sarah, with the LYWB team

Confused?
on Wednesday, July 20, 2011 at 5:03 pm

Josie…

It is not really possible to tell him you are not interested without saying anything. It hurts people when they feel someone is pulling away and they don’t know why. I would encourage you to be honest—tell him you think he is a neat guy and you would like to be friends. If you have been more than that to him, you need to make a clean break with that part of the relationship, and let him know what is going on. Jesus calls it “having no guile” meaning having no deceit--not acting like one thing and meaning another. That you want to be in all of your relationships.Whether it is a friendship or dating relationship, if you can’t be honest, there is not much foundation for a long term relationship.

I'm glad you care about another person's feelings.

Mackenzie

I like this!
on Saturday, July 30, 2011 at 4:28 pm

I always wondered about this and this is a great post answering my question. Thank you!

WomanofGod

question
on Monday, August 8, 2011 at 11:03 pm

hey, so does the authors answer your questions from comments? Cause I have an important one: about interacting with guys, well how do you as a friend withought touching inapropriatley you know with hugs or sitting beside each other? Oh and
PS. I'm not good with telling if a guy loves me, but i think one does, cause he's been always wanting to talk hang out, get to know me better and he said i was beautiful. But i'm sure i'm not ready for a special relationship and I've told him i just want to be friends. I've been kinda worried about him, so i hardly answer him or communicate, but my girlfriend told me he asked her some questions about me, and my mom was concerned about what he did. So can i have some wisdom please, if anyone has some?
Is this a good Friend relationship to get into?

Ann

My last post...
on Thursday, August 18, 2011 at 12:32 pm

Could someone please help me with my question from my last post!!!!! I want to know what you girls think! Thanks!!!

Sarah, with the LYWB team

Having guy friends...
on Thursday, August 18, 2011 at 11:18 pm

Ann...

Scripture tells us that for a man to have friends, he must show himself friendly. The ins and outs of relationships are really the same for girls and guys. Knowing how to develop good girlfriend relationships will give you an understanding into developing good guy relationships.

Wanting guys to notice you is a normal desire but in establishing friendships with guys it can become a liability. You can come across as trying too hard, which makes guys uncomfortable or communicates the wrong idea, or you might be communicating the idea that you are more intereseted in a realtionship than in the guy.

Focusing on the other person, who he is and what he finds interesting, would be a good step in developing a genuine friendship with a guy. Carry on a conversation about what is happening in the moment around you, ask interesting questions about what he enjoys and anything you have in common—school, youth group, other friends in the group. Be winsome in your conversation. Let him like you for who you are and not because you are a girl.

Remember, your worth doesn’t come from being noticed, or by how many friends you have. It comes from your relationship with Jesus and who you are and what value you have in the eyes of the One who created you and gave His life for you.

Perhaps some of you girls out there have some words of practical advice for Ann.

Ann

Thank you!
on Monday, August 22, 2011 at 1:18 pm

Sarah, I appreciate your response... This really has helped! Starting a new school year, I am hoping to just build some new relationships! I always seem to have a hard time holding a conversation with a guy that isnt a good friend (meaning at my school) when it doesnt have to do with school related subjects. My goal this year is to really just be the girl God has created me to be, be myself, and show the love of Christ! I would appreciate your prayers! Thank you so much for your advice!

Sarah, with the LYWB team

Thank YOU!
on Monday, August 22, 2011 at 10:31 pm

Ann...

Thank you for letting me know the post was helpful to you! You have caused me to smile...what a blessing to hear a lovely Christian girl committing herself to be the light of Christ to those around her! God will honor your devoted heart! You can be sure that I have taken time this night to pray for you and the year ahead! I count it a great privilege!

Blessings on your school year!

GodsGirl

Re:
on Tuesday, September 20, 2011 at 4:05 pm

Hey umm i new to these blog things...but i need help!...how do i be friends with a guy without mt friends saying "ooooo someone is in love" or bug us that we are dating!..even tho we are just friends!!!:,(..and i have some friends that i know will say that and bug me about it!:(..what do i do to make them see that we are friends and nothing more!!!...any of you girls can help me out that would be awesome!
Thx:)

Carrie, with the LYWB team

GodsGirl
on Wednesday, September 21, 2011 at 10:59 am

Hey GodsGirl,

Welcome to LYWB Blog! We’re so glad you’re here.

You’ve asked a great question. Could you and your friend talk through some ideas for sharing a bigger perspective of why it’s important to remain only friends during this time in your life? Could you ( when appropriate) share just a sentence or two about that with those who comment about your relationship?

Here are some questions to help get you started…
• What’s the purpose of our friendship?
• How are we asking the Lord to use us/ our friendship for His purposes in this season of life?
• How might God want to use our commitment to friendship to help others get a bigger picture of God and HIs plans/purposes for these years?

Although you can’t change the thinking of others (only God can - Prov. 21:1), you can ask the Lord to cause your life and words to be an influence on their thinking, friend!

Praying this morning your influence will be wide and bring Him much glory!
Carrie

Ann

Sarah...
on Monday, September 26, 2011 at 9:49 pm

Thanks so much for praying for me! I wanted to keep you updated...This is year is going pretty well. I have defiantely had more opportunities to talk with the guys in my class and try to make some friendships! Please continue to pray for me. I am defiantely trying to be an example this year! If you can think of anymore advice please share it!
Thats the same with any of you girls!

I love you as a sister Sarah! Thanks for your love, support, and prayers!

Ann

Sarah, with the LYWB team

Ann...
on Tuesday, September 27, 2011 at 2:25 pm

Thank you for your post! It has indeed brought a smile to my face! :-)

I am delighted to hear this is a good beginning to the school year for you! Focusing our lives on Christ does that; it brings the good life! (Ps. 111:10) I am proud of you for extending yourself into others' lives and living as the light of Christ among your peers. Press on, dear Ann.

Genuinely care for those around you--everyone has worth in Christ; speak to everyone--acknowledge their presence; wear a smile to show "the joy of the Lord is your strength" (Neh. 8:10; Ps. 40:16) Remind yourself often that you are an ambassador for Christ (2 Cor. 5:20). Enjoy the year!!

I'm grateful God answered prayers in your behalf. Know I am praying this afternoon for you! I love you as a sister Ann. :-) Thank you for loving me!

Blessings in Christ!

TinkerBell

Re:
on Wednesday, October 5, 2011 at 5:35 pm

I have a ton of guy friends and i enjoy all of their compampany. i admit, i kind of like some of them, but i don't want to flirt with them because i know it will make them uncomfortable and i will feel kind of dirty. i think if you are going to feel dirty flirting, don't do it. just hang out until the time (directed by God of course) is right.

Kim

Re:
on Thursday, October 20, 2011 at 8:30 pm

What if your parents don't let you have guy friends. My parents seem like they don't want me to have any friendship with guys. I know they just want to protect me but still...

Sarah, with the LYWB team

Kim
on Saturday, October 22, 2011 at 10:55 pm

As you mature, your parents will begin to open to the opportunity for you to have guy friends. Be patient and trust them. If you think it is unfair, ask God to change their hearts. He would have no problem doing that if He feels it is in your best interest (Prov. 21:1).

Sissy

This guy
on Friday, October 28, 2011 at 12:53 pm

I guy I know (who has been my friend for a while) wants to go to the prom with me...it's really awkward because I only think of him as a friend. It's obvious that he likes me more than a friend, but I don't want it to be that way. So I guess my question is this: is it okay to go to the prom with him? I'm afraid he will think i like him If I say yes, but I'm also afraid our friendship will be damaged if I say no

Lorree, with the LYWB team

re: Sissy
on Monday, October 31, 2011 at 4:01 pm

I would encourage you to talk with your parents about this and see what their thoughts are. They love you and can be trusted to guide you in the right way in this tender situation. I wonder if you could be totally honest with this guy. It is never wrong to tell the truth! Tell him that you value him as a friend and you don’t want to damage your friendship and lead him on by saying “yes” but that you also don’t want to damage it and cause him pain by saying “no”. Ask him if he thinks you can go to the prom together as friends and have a good time together without damaging your current friendship. Praying for your wisdom in this situation, Sissy.

carly

Re:
on Monday, November 7, 2011 at 10:32 am

hi!
Well,i'm only 12 and my mom sent me this blog her blog is bones in my heart and i just love yor blog and you are so nice and thoughtful and so many more things also, many more things.That also, helped me alot thx also, I have gotten alot out of this post and well I have a QUESTION How do you get rid of a heart break?Do they ever leave?

Carrie, with the LYWB team

Re:
on Wednesday, November 9, 2011 at 11:10 am

Hey, Carly,

Yes, your broken heart will heal though it may take some time, friend. Ask the Lord to help you see what has happened from His perspective. He has promised to use all things (even our broken hearts) for our good and His glory (Rom. 8:28). Talk to Him much about how you feel and what you’re thinking. Ask Him to help you align your thoughts with what is true. Here are some great Scriptures that will help you to do that:

• My thoughts are not your thoughts, nor are your ways My ways, says the Lord. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are My ways higher than your ways and My thoughts than your thoughts ( Is. 55:11).

• I am the LORD, your God, who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, Do not fear; I will help you, Do not be afraid… I myself will help you, declares the LORD ( Is. 41:13-14).
• The LORD is there to rescue all who are discouraged and have given up hope (Ps. 34:18).
Praying for you today to rest in knowing the Lord holds you today in the palm of His hand.

Mckenna

I am the kind of girl
on Friday, January 6, 2012 at 4:26 pm

I am the kind of girl that likes to hang out with guy friends. And a couple years ago is when i actually started to hang out with them. i never knew how i should interact with them. and thanks to this blog i have grown with these friends and i am now really good friends with a couple of them!!
So I LOVE this blog!!!

Mattea

Guys!!!
on Sunday, January 8, 2012 at 3:06 pm

I have a few guy-friends but most of my closest friends are girls...anyway my mom thinks that just because I talk to a guy and he talks to me that I or he like each other!!!How do I convince her wrong???

Lorree, with the LYWB team

re: Mattea
on Tuesday, January 10, 2012 at 10:21 am

I encourage you to be open and honest with your mom. Explain your desire to have friends that are both guys and girls and that you are waiting to develop a more intimate friendship with a guy. As you explain this to her, I think she will begin to understand where you are coming from. She may be caught up in the world’s way of thinking and needs to know you want to protect your heart as you wait for God to bring the right guy along in His timing. You might even share this blog with her!

Mattea

EXCELLENT ADVICE LORREE
on Friday, January 13, 2012 at 9:43 am

Thanks Lorree I'll be talking to my Mom about what you told me!!

Serafima

Um...I think I've made a big mess.
on Wednesday, January 18, 2012 at 10:49 pm

I was always cool with guys like all my life, I was sort of tom-boy-ish. I've hung out with girls, but I was with my brother most of the time, and with my cousins. So i was like used to guys, and they'll be my firends even if we weren't related, so it was all cool. But then we had to move. And i went to church, but i didn't know that they were super stricked about guys and girls there being seperate. So i'm acting like i'm used to, so i'm talkign to guys, getting to know them. And i'm only intereseted in them as friends. But i see they're getitng the wrong idea, so i tell them, I only want to be friends. and they're like oh, ok. But they never got my point, and many of them stopped being friends with each other, because they thought i liked some other guy. Like if two guys were friends, i'd talk to both of them, and be all cool. And i was watching myself what i was saying and such, but they got an idea that i like one of them and i din't like the other one, and best friends would fall apart. Just because of me!!!! :/. I feel the guilt. Now everyone just thinks I'm just a player, in this church. I didn't know what to do. But I do have a fiance now, he's from a different church. but I still go to my church, where no one likes me, even as a friend. I just really feel the guilt. and i've apologized to the guys i said if I made you feel like i was flirting with you or anything, I've VERY SORRY. I've apologized. But :/....any sugestions?

jessica

Sweet!
on Thursday, April 12, 2012 at 5:05 am

Thank you for this post! I have some guy friends that are pretty cool to hang around, and am thankful for that. :)

Olivia

thanks!
on Thursday, April 26, 2012 at 7:33 am

I've been wondering if it's okay as well...and I'm thankful for the fact that God wants us to be friends with them, brothers and sisters in Christ.

Monica

?
on Tuesday, October 23, 2012 at 4:09 pm

Is there something wrong with treating guys the same way as I treat girls? I notice that most of the girls I know can't or won't act the same around guys and they make it look like you have a problem if you act the same around them as you would everyone else.

Carrie, with the LYWB team

@Monica
on Tuesday, October 30, 2012 at 5:04 pm

So proud of you for wanting to have good friendships with guys.

As it relates to the practical ways given in this post (Scripture) it’s great to treat guys and girls in the same way.

It wouldn’t, however, be appropriate to talk about personal, “girl” issues with a guy or interact physically hugging etc. as you might a girlfriend.

volleyball12!

texting this guy
on Monday, December 31, 2012 at 3:00 pm

so i txt this guy all the time ans we joke around and say stuff like 'luv u or miss u' we arnt dating or anything just bro sisterly love... we agreed that we wouldnt date untill the time is right (we r 12 we r not ready) and that we would just be good friends..is that ok if i txt that as a friends?

Sarah, with the LYWB team

@volleyball12!...
on Tuesday, January 1, 2013 at 1:05 am

I wouldn't...I would just leave "stuff" like "luv u" or "miss u" for a more serious relationship when you are much older.

Write a comment

Blog Ground-Rules

If you want us to publish your comments, stick to these guidelines:

No crude or profane language.
No hurtful comments targeted at other girls.
No personal information such as email addresses or MySpace and Facebook accounts. (This is for your own protection.)
Protect the innocence of others. (Not everyone has had the same experiences.)

Topics:

Share with a Friend Email Sign Up

Archives:

Lies Young Women Believe

Blog

Ask Erin: "How do I interact with guys just as a friend?"

Comments

Write a comment

Blog Ground-Rules