How far is too far?

posted by Erin Davis on 03/08/11 | Twitter: @ErinGraffiti
Category: Guys; ; 107 comments

I know this group of readers well enough to know that you value purity. You get that God asks you to save sex until your wedding day, but if you're in a dating relationship, you realize sex isn't the only line to consider.

Some of you have decided not to kiss until marriage. Others think kissing is okay. Some of you have said you will only hold hands. Others choose a different line. Some of you have realized you've gone too far physically only after the damage has been done. That's why I think it's wise to know how far you're willing to go lo teenage couple ng before you ever have the opportunity to act. But ... how far is too far?

Consider these principles checkpoints on the path to purity. If the level of your physical activity in your dating relationship allows you to stick to these principles, you have strong boundaries in place. If the level of physical contact in your relationship violates even one of these principles, you've probably gone too far.

Whatever

Philippians 4:8 says, "Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things."

The question you should be asking is not "How far can we go without getting into trouble?" but "What can we do to think about things that are pure and honorable?"

Can you hold hands and think thoughts that are pure and honorable? Can you hug and think pure thoughts? What about kissing? Making out? Sexual touching? Clearly there is a point when your actions will cause your thoughts to shift away from what is pure and honorable and true and toward a desire for increased sexual contact. Don't decide where your line is after your thoughts have switched to the impure. Decide ahead of time how far you think you can go and still keep your thoughts fixed on the things of God. This is a great standard to discuss with your parents and or youth pastor or trusted adult.

Not Even a Hint

Ephesians 5:3 says, "But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or of any kind of impurity, or of greed, because these are improper for God's holy people" (NIV).

God's Word doesn't suggest that we get as close to the line of sexual sin as possible; quite the opposite. This passage tells us not to even hint at sexual sin.

Are you hinting at sexual sin when you spend hours passionately kissing on your boyfriend's couch? Are you hinting at sexual sin when you hold each other for prolonged periods, leaving each other wanting more and more physical contact? If you are hinting at sex, you're going too far.

Don't Light the Fire

If purity is your goal, make a commitment to never cause another person to want to go all the way. At all times consider whether your actions might cause your boyfriend to want to become more physically involved. That includes what you see on dates (movies, videos, TV shows), what you do when you're together, how you relate to each other, how you touch ... everything you do!

Don't ignite a fire of passion in your partner with the way that you behave. It might seem easier if God drew a hard line in the sand and said, "Do not go past this point while you're dating," but I am not convinced that would keep us in check. If God drew an exact line dividing acceptable physical contact from the unacceptable, we would race right to that line and then push it "just a little bit" further. It is our human nature to sin and to push back against authority. If the Bible gave us a bunch of rules, we would find a way around those rules. In His wisdom, God didn't just list a bunch of rules for physical behavior before marriage in His Word. He did something better by giving us principles in His Word that we can apply to our relationships.

I can't tell you exactly how far is too far, but I can encourage you to start asking different questions. Start with these three:

Are my thoughts pure when I have physical contact with my boyfriend?
Does the level of our physical contact hint at sex?
How much can I save for my future spouse?

Comments

HEY, GIRLS! We love hearing from you, but feel limited in the ways we can help. For one thing, we’re not trained counselors. If you’re seeking counsel, we encourage you to talk to your pastor or a godly woman in your life as they’ll know more details and can provide you with ongoing accountability and help. Also, the following comments do not necessarily reflect the views of Revive Our Hearts. We reserve the right to remove comments which might be unhelpful, unsuitable, or inappropriate.

Anonymous

But what if.....
on Tuesday, March 8, 2011 at 1:58 am

What if you already gave away your purity. I understand how God will forgive and all but what if it is too late?

Destiny

Re:
on Tuesday, March 8, 2011 at 3:10 am

I recently starting dating someone and we have been trying to find a middle ground in physical expression. God really answered my prayer with this one, but I still would like to seek counsel about this and receive prayer.

I've already crossed a line, and just want some clarity from God about what He truly wants me to do. Pray for me ladies! I left my email for anyone who'd like help me out and talk to me about this.

Love this blog!

Steph

good
on Tuesday, March 8, 2011 at 7:01 am

This was REALLY good. Thank you.

Great Post
on Tuesday, March 8, 2011 at 7:56 am

That was great even for the people who aren't dating yet! Thank you!!!

Courtney

Loved it
on Tuesday, March 8, 2011 at 10:56 am

Great post!

Jay

:)
on Tuesday, March 8, 2011 at 11:18 am

Well, it was really good to read despite of the fact that I've never had boyfriend in my life and haven't dated with anyone yet. Oh, but my friend does. What she does with her boyfriend includes holding hands, hugging, and even kissing. Funny thing is, her dad is youth pastor and her boyfrined's dad is bible teacher, and we are all in Christian school. Do you think I should warn her about this things? Or should I just leave her alone? Because I know that we will become really awkward if I say things like,

"Hey, you shouldn't hug each other at school. You're 'hinting' at sexual sins."
I really don't know :-(

Bethany

Thoughts
on Tuesday, March 8, 2011 at 11:24 am

Thank you, Erin, for this post. Everyone who is going to date or is dating should read this.
One important thing I'd like to point out is that we often focus on the "doing" or "not doing" whether on the heart and our thoughts. The Bible says in Proverbs, "For as he thinketh in his heart, so is he..."
The Bible speaks to men about lusting after a woman - and that already is sin. Not just the act of adultery! We girls can have quite the sinful thoughts, too!! It's not just the guys.
We need to focus on our thoughts - are they glorifying God? Are we helping others (specifically our boyfriends) see Christ through our actions?

It's in the heart, girls!

I could go on and on about this subject but I will stop here.

Thanks again, Erin!

Rachel

It's tough
on Tuesday, March 8, 2011 at 11:24 am

This is a really GREAT post and honestly, it can be difficult to really think about these things and say you'll apply them when you're not in a relationship or haven't been in one. I know before I was in one, I was "committed" to purity and read tons of purity books, but man, when I got into a relationship, I realized how difficult it truly is. Now that I've done some stupid things, I would certainly draw the line farther back... I know it seems crazy to save your first kiss until your wedding day but I think it's the best option. Keep fighting the fight and saving your purity my sisters in Christ! :)

Mirriam

Dear Anonymous-
on Tuesday, March 8, 2011 at 11:32 am

God will certainly forgive you.
I think it's time for your "Second Virginity" - just because you made a mistake once doesn't mean you should do it again.
That's behind you now, the future awaits! God has forgiven you, and therefore to Him it's like nothing ever happened. =)

Kate

Thank you!
on Tuesday, March 8, 2011 at 12:07 pm

Thanks so much! I don't have a boyfriend, but I want to set my boundaries now, before I am even tempted to do anything wrong. Thank you so very much!!!

God bless you all!

Annamarie

Re:
on Tuesday, March 8, 2011 at 1:07 pm

Thank you so much Erin! This is a really really good post! I'm not dating yet, but it is very good to hear it before dating.

Erin Davis

Anonymous
on Tuesday, March 8, 2011 at 2:17 pm

Tomorrow's blog post is just for you. It's titled, "What If I've Blown it." Be sure to check back tomorrow for a heavy dose of God's grace!

Erin

Alanna

Re:
on Tuesday, March 8, 2011 at 2:26 pm

Thank you for this! I've always struggled with knowing how far is too far. I have a much better idea and know now what my boundaries should be.

Kami

anonymous
on Tuesday, March 8, 2011 at 2:30 pm

i was thinking the same thing. I wasnt always a believer and mistakes have been made. But you just start over. You can still have purity because God's forgiven you and in his eyes you are pure.

Anonymous

Re:
on Tuesday, March 8, 2011 at 3:23 pm

This was a great post, despite the fact that I have decided to wait waaay waaay into the future until I start a relationship. I think it is good to get these things solid in your mind, and that way they are less easily shaken.

I have been worrying about a Christian friend of mine. While she seems keen not to go beyond kissing until marraige, her and her boyfriend are in a long-distance relationship, and when they see eachother is for long weekends at their houses. The last time she went to her boyfriends, they slept in the same bed with their pyjamas on and holding hands. His mum is far more relaxed than hers, who has a "do not enter the bedroom, sleep downstairs on our sofa" policy. I think this is dangerous practise, and I was quite alarmed.

Am I just being paranoid?
If not, what can I say so her?

Thanks, girls :)

Alice17

great post!
on Tuesday, March 8, 2011 at 3:39 pm

Thanks so much for this post! I've been wondering about this subject and these principles really cleared things up.

Ashley

Re:
on Tuesday, March 8, 2011 at 4:25 pm

I haven't ever had a boyfriend or even considered dating ye, but thanks for this post, so i know where to set the boundaries when I do date. I gave my "love life" to God when I committed, at 15, to stay pure until he showed me the right guy, but it hasn't always been easy. With this promise, I got a purity ring, and every time I look at it I remind myself to stay pure of all thoughts of lust. I still wear my purity ring all the time, except at night. Thanks for this great reminder. I encourage you girls to wait until God shows you the right man to date!!

Elizabeth

Wonderful Post!
on Tuesday, March 8, 2011 at 4:47 pm

I really loved this post! It was an awesome reminder to be pure, not only with my actions but also with my thoughts and motives.
It's also nice to know that there are other girls in the world who are struggling with the same things I am.
Keep up the good work!

Meg

Re:
on Tuesday, March 8, 2011 at 4:56 pm

I love this post! I have a Christian guy friend, and we wanted to start dating, but then God told me to just wait on His timing. Now I really don't want to date until I'm ready to get married and save everything for my future husband, but my guy friend doesn't get why I won't date!!! Any advice would be greatly appreciated!

Jazzy101girl

Re:
on Tuesday, March 8, 2011 at 6:04 pm

Great post!!!:) Thank you!!:) This is really encouraging:) I've never dated before in my life but this post is still a great reminder for me about why I have the boundaries I decided to have in order to stay pure:)

Fuzzy Socks

Re: Anonymous and Destiny
on Tuesday, March 8, 2011 at 6:04 pm

Anonymous: Girl, to tell you the truth, I've blown it too. You're not alone. :) And God WILL forgive you. He says "My grace is sufficient enough." Not, "My grace is sufficient only if you haven't had sex." Nope. No matter what, God will forgive you. :)

Destiny: Soooooo... you've already blown it. Crossed a line you shouldn't have. But that's okay because like i said, God forgives. :) But if you're still with the guy you've blown it with, take some precautions and pray about the situation. Also, put yourself in a little sister's shoes. Would you want her with the same guy? What would you want her to do? Again, pray about it and dig into the word. Maybe talk to your Mom too.

Praying for you!
Fuzzy

Astacia

Hey Jay!
on Tuesday, March 8, 2011 at 8:28 pm

I am in the exact same situation as you. I have never had a boyfriend or kissed. I am in a homeschool group and two of my friends are kind of boyfriend and girlfriend. My friend who is in the situation has had a bad record of falling easily into temptation. Not straight on sex, but she is VERY into kissing. The boy she is involved with has been baptized and both of them are actively involved in church activities. Outwardly they both seem sooooo perfect. I always see them holding hands or getting close, trying to kiss. There are many times when they are somewhere and I am not and I worry about them.
I have tried to talk to her about this many times, and she always seems to agree, but then I see her doing these things. I have preyed for both of them too. She has been hurt very deeply in the past, yet she eagerly jumps into relationships. I don't want to see her hurt, but she doesn't seem to care.
SO CONFUSED!!

Maddy

Thanks
on Wednesday, March 9, 2011 at 1:08 pm

Thanks for this post!
One thing I have learned as well is that all our actions should be out of love. If the physical things we do would cause our brother in Christ to stumble into lust, then we are not being loving. We respect our brothers and future husbands by not going too far physically AND emotionally.

Carina

Purity
on Wednesday, March 9, 2011 at 5:47 pm

"Purity is a direction - not a line we cross." Erin's right, we need don't need to be asking how far is too far?, but rather how can I go in the direction of purity?

Bre

Thank you!:)
on Thursday, March 10, 2011 at 12:51 pm

Hey Erin!!
Thank you for this post.. I think even though many of us have not dated & have boundaries already set-up for when we do date.. Need encouragement 2 stick to those boundaries.. The world tells us it's okay.. Do whatever feels good. But God says to stay pure and to follow His Word. I think it's somewhat easier for girls to stay pure than for guys. Even if they are Christians.. they tend to have a hard time with this. I hope there is a Godly blog like this one for Christian guys to encourage them 2 stay pure and honor the Lord with their life. Thank you for encouraging all of us in the Word of Christ.
Much love,
B

Bre

? Encouraging others in the Lord
on Thursday, March 10, 2011 at 12:58 pm

Hey Erin,
I was wondering if you could post something on the subject of encouraging others in the Lord. I am a mentor to two little girls who are brought up in a somewhat godly home but their teenager brothers are doing their own thing.. The little girls see these things & they tell me. I am always their for them & adore them.. But I guess I would like to know how I can show them more of Christ's love as much as possible. Like I said their older brothers are doing their own thing.. And the girls somewhat look up to them & somewhat don't..They don't have any sisters so they view me as their older sister. I don't ever want 2 disappoint them. So I just would love to hear some encouraging words on how to be a godly mentor.
Thank you,
Bre

Jay

re:Astacia
on Thursday, March 10, 2011 at 1:45 pm

Thanks for reading my comments and even sharing your situation! Yes, I think I feel the same way you do. Do you think I should try to talk to her? I mean, she's in our girls' bible study group and she was there when we shared our opinions and learned about right relationship with guys. And nobody actually tried to talk to her about her relationship. All of my friends think it's okay because they think my friend knows more about herself. I feel like I am the only one who's actually worried about her....

Re:
on Thursday, March 10, 2011 at 4:01 pm

can you loose your viginity without having sex?I wish i could go to when I was 8, but I cant...please help me

Jeannie

Thanks Erin :)
on Thursday, March 10, 2011 at 4:54 pm

I've never been in a relationship, but one thing I fear about having one is going too far. You draw a comfortable line, and compromise it just a LITTLE, and after that you think it couldn't help to go two steps further, and before you know it you're right at the top of the boundry.

I've always had it as my goal to save sex for marriage, but I didn't think much about anything else. I've saved this article, and I want to refer to it when I find somebody some day.

Chloe

So True
on Thursday, March 10, 2011 at 9:34 pm

I don't currently have a boyfriend, but I can tell you from the relationship with my previous one that my thoughts were not exactly pure all the time. We didn't kiss or anything like that but we did do hand holding and back rubbing and things like that. I don't think that our level of physical contact necessarily hinted sex but my thoughts weren't pure so that changes everything about our relationship. I wish that I had read this while we were still dating.

Erin Davis

?
on Friday, March 11, 2011 at 7:12 am

Did something happen to you when you were 8 that makes you question your virginity? If so, it sounds like you may have experienced some abuse. I want to strongly encourage you to talk to your pastor or a counselor at your school about the situation and get some professional counseling to help you understand the situation.

Erin

Anita

Re:
on Sunday, March 13, 2011 at 4:48 pm

This makes alot of sense, and sounds good. Talking to my parents and youth pastor about this kind of stuff is kind of embarrasing and awkward, actually. I always talk to my mom, but with my dad I think it gets more... um.. you know what i mean :)

Veronica

Reply to Anonmyous
on Tuesday, March 15, 2011 at 8:39 pm

Re:
on Tuesday, March 8, 2011 at 3:23 pm
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

This was a great post, despite the fact that I have decided to wait waaay waaay into the future until I start a relationship. I think it is good to get these things solid in your mind, and that way they are less easily shaken.

I have been worrying about a Christian friend of mine. While she seems keen not to go beyond kissing until marraige, her and her boyfriend are in a long-distance relationship, and when they see eachother is for long weekends at their houses. The last time she went to her boyfriends, they slept in the same bed with their pyjamas on and holding hands. His mum is far more relaxed than hers, who has a "do not enter the bedroom, sleep downstairs on our sofa" policy. I think this is dangerous practise, and I was quite alarmed.

Am I just being paranoid?
If not, what can I say so her?

Thanks, girls :)

-You're not being paranoid! That is extremely dangerous! You should say that you consider that inappropriate and not in accordance with our morals.

Valerie

Anita
on Thursday, March 17, 2011 at 7:50 am

I completely agree with you. Once you hit a certain age it gets awkward to talk to your dad because he is your dad. It seems like we should be able to talk to thm but we just feel uncomfortable to because of what were going through. I talkto my mom the most too and it seems a lot of times she is the only one who understands me most of the time because she is with me the most!

Uhh

Question...
on Tuesday, March 22, 2011 at 9:01 pm

I do not have a boyfriend, i never have. I just have a question.. is it a sin to hold hands? How can interlacing fingers hint at sex?

Brie

To far
on Saturday, March 26, 2011 at 7:02 pm

Well, I have been dating my boyfriend for over two years now and we did go to far and it is hard to stop. I am in another country, so that is helping but I feel like when I get back we are going to start up again. I really don't want to but I love him. Truely love him but what am I suppose to do.
I know these ways are not right at all and he knows it also. He is a big christian man but both of us just cant seem to stop.
What should I do?
*email left here*

Erin Davis

Bre
on Monday, March 28, 2011 at 4:18 pm

Consider it on my to do list:)

Erin

Jacquelyn

How much of you is left?
on Tuesday, March 29, 2011 at 4:55 pm

My youth pastor just had a love lesson. One of his many points that stuck with me was that every time you say,"I love you",hold hands with somebody,kiss, or look at someone( check them out) you give a little bit of yourself away and everyone you do this with is someone else's future spouse.
He told us all that we should keep ourselves whole for our future spouses.

Jay

Praise God!
on Thursday, March 31, 2011 at 11:41 am

I cannot believe what I heard from my friend, who I shared before, today at school. I kinda asked her how's it going, and she said,
"Oh, we are not in relationship now. We are just good friends."
When I asked her why, she said that her boyfriend and she decided to wait until their high school year.
Isn't this amazing? God gave wisdom to my dear friend and let her see the truth. And when I didn't know what to do, God already knew how to solve this problem. The only thing I had to do was praying. I'm so glad and happy with the fact God actually listened to my prayer!

Erin Davis

Brie
on Saturday, April 2, 2011 at 2:43 pm

You are probably right. Chances are that once you and your boyfriend have opportunity to sin sexually again, that you will. Sexual activity is highly addictive. That's because God created sex to bond us to our spouse for a lifetime. It works like human super glue by attaching us to our partner. When engage in sexual activity, our brain actually gets a blast of Dopamine just like if we were doing drugs. And...that is addictive. That's a good thing if you save sexual activity (I'm not just talking sex here, but all of the physical stuff that leads up to sex) for your marriage. You will be "addicted" and therefore bonded to your spouse. But outside of marriage it's a very bad thing.

It is very unlikely that once you and your boyfriend have crossed that line that you will be able to control yourselves.

That means you have to make some very difficult choices.

In Matthew 18:8, Jesus said, "If your hand or your foot causes you to stumble, cut it off and throw it away. It is better for you to enter life maimed or crippled than to have two hands or two feet and be thrown into eternal fire."

In other words...anything that causes you to sin is not worth it. Get rid of it.

In this case, that means you need to end the relationship.

I know that is a really hard reality. Especially since your sexual sin has bonded you to your boyfriend as if you were married. But choosing to continue to sin will only lead you down a path that you don't want to take.

Psalm 1:6 says, "For the LORD watches over the way of the righteous, but the way of the wicked leads to destruction."

Sin always leads to destruction. A broken heart will hurt, but it won't ruin your life. Choosing to sin, however, will.

You can do it, with God's help. Do you have some wise Christian friends that you can confess your sin to and ask for prayer as you make some difficult choices about this relationship?

Erin

Jenn

Think about it...
on Monday, April 25, 2011 at 3:07 pm

When you do hold hands or kiss that significant other you are taking a step and that step will be leading you closer and closer to the next step. Holding hands with a guy is great and all that but soon you will want more and then more and then you will end up going down a path that you do no want to take.

Madeline

Young Relationships
on Wednesday, May 18, 2011 at 8:11 pm

I'm 11 and i recently just got out of a relationsship. i am ashamed of the things i have done with that boy and i am too young. i broke up with him, telling him i am too young. please help and dont do what i did :\

Hannah

Re:
on Thursday, May 19, 2011 at 3:59 pm

Hey, I'm really struggling physically with my boyfriend at the minute; nothing ''serious'' but I can feel my self control weakening and I know that we can't get married for years. We've said we'd change things many times but we keep falling down; he said that it's inevitable that we'll have these problems and we just have to work through them as best as we can but I don't know if that's true or if I should break up with him? Which I really don't want to do. Is it always the girls responsibility to stop things and her fault for not saying no when things go too far?

Katie

Re:
on Tuesday, May 24, 2011 at 3:56 pm

What happens if you have given away your virginity already even at this young age i am im only 14 i feel as though my husfand won't love me as much anymore
:(

All4Christ

Re:
on Friday, June 3, 2011 at 8:26 pm

How far is too far?
I'm fifteen and I've been in a relationship. It was wrong for multiple reasons. I'm not at all allowed to, it got me so spiritually off-track because of that, and some things I did were completely inappropriate and "hinting."
Here's the thing: Some girls on here wondered if things like holding hands and kissing were sins. Well, the one thing me and my bf used to do alllll the time was hold hands. The first time we did, it was the most amazingggg thing in the world!! But after doing it every chance we got (which were many... at school...sneakily during lunch or whatever) it was not nearly as amazing as the first. I knew we both wanted more than that. So we went sneaking off places to be alone and just hug...and exchanging kisses on the cheek, and just be close...and after a while I knew we both wanted to go farther. After a while we went wayy too far physically. We didn't cross the furthest lines, but we crossed lines all the same. The point is: one reason you need to be watching how far you go physically is because little things can lead to more. I never dreamed I would go as far as I did, but gradually, I crossed lines I shouldn't have. Sooo be on guard and don't be deceived!
~All4Christ

Lorree

re: Katie
on Monday, June 6, 2011 at 2:22 pm

Hey Katie,

Giving away your virginity is a sin that God willingly forgives. If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and cleanse us from all unrighteousness (1 Jn. 4:9). He erases our sins and does not hold them against us (Ps. 103:12; Is. 43:25). You can choose your 2nd virginity. Choose from this point on to maintain your purity for your future husband.

Even though God forgives us for our sins and we can start over in regards to our virginity, this will definitely be something that you will need to discuss with the man you choose to marry. You need to be open and honest with him about the mistakes of your past and your decision for purity until marriage now. You can even be praying now for your future husband and ask God to prepare his heart to forgive you and not to let it become a wall between you. If he is a man of God, he will follow God’s commandment to forgive others as God has forgiven him (Eph. 4:32).

I’ve prayed for you today, Katie, and asked God to give you freedom from the guilt of your sins. I’ve also asked Him to give you the courage to make the changes in your life that you need to in order that you can remain pure from this day forward until your wedding.

Serving Him,
Lorree

Lorree

re: Madeline - Young Relationships
on Monday, June 6, 2011 at 3:07 pm

Hey Madeline,

Erin asked that I respond to your blog post.

I am so sorry to hear of the pain in your young heart. Take the shame of what you’ve done with this boy to the Lord and seek His forgiveness. As you confess your sins to God, He will faithfully forgive you and cleanse you from your sin (1 Jn. 1:9). He will not hold your sins against you (Ps. 103:10, 12). He will give you the ability to change your behaviors and not sin any more in this area as you ask Him for the grace to do this (2 Cor. 12:9-10).

Choose to surround yourself with girlfriends and focus on developing those relationships rather than isolating yourself with a boyfriend at this stage in your life. Pray for the young man that God has in His plans for your life. Pray that the Lord will keep you and this young man pure until the time of your marriage; ask the Lord to bring him to salvation early in his life; ask God to give him the desire to keep the Lord first in his life. By praying, you are doing something that will bless this man eternally and keeps your thoughts in line with what God wants for you.

I have prayed for you today, Madeline, and have asked the Lord to remove your guilt and shame and replace them with a passion for God and His Word.

Serving Him,
Lorree

Mimi

How do I get out of my sin with a guy?
on Wednesday, June 8, 2011 at 10:01 am

I had a guy friend....someone who I never would have been interested in (dating wise). My best friend and him started going out and that was cool. He emailed me a couple days ago and started asking me extremely uncomfortable questions and sending me images. I played a long with it and agreed to have oral sex with him, because I wanted to keep my purity, I read the "It's not really sex" chapter, and I back out...now I don't know what to tell him...What should I do?

Lorree

re: Mimi
on Thursday, June 9, 2011 at 4:46 pm

Hey, Mimi,

You have done the right thing, Mimi, by backing out on this!!! Purity is more important than meeting this guy’s sexual needs. If he is asking you to do things that are not in line with God’s plan for your life – His plan for your purity – he really isn’t your friend at all. He isn’t thinking about you – just about his own needs and desires. Do not be alone with him. Ask him to stop sending you these messages. Tell him that if he continues, you will let your parents or another authority figure know about them.

I have prayed for you, Mimi! I am proud of you for taking doing the hard thing and changing your mind! Keep standing strong for your purity!

Serving Him,
Lorree

Carrie Gaul

Hannah
on Friday, June 10, 2011 at 12:42 pm

Hannah,

It’s always the responsibility of those who are Christ-followers (girls or guys) to flee from sexual immorality… of any kind! This includes even the “emotional immorality” that can take place in our thoughts. Flee from sexual immorality. Every other sin a person commits is outside the body, but the sexually immoral person sins against his own body (1 Cor. 6:18).

Sexual immorality is a very slippery slope, Hannah. In her post, “How far is too far” (http://www.liesyoungwomenbelieve.com/index.php?id=684) Erin gave some great practical questions to help you and your boyfriend think through the boundaries you want to establish in your relationship.

Praying you’ll be a woman whose life is marked by sexual purity!

Carrie
LYWB Team

Krlosier

Re:
on Monday, June 27, 2011 at 2:33 pm

Sometimes I just think, "whyyyyyy....why does God haveee to make all these rules and complicate my life?" And yet someone recently told me, "It's not harmful because it's forbidden; rather, it's forbidden because it is harmful." That's sooo true! God doesn't make rules just for fun. He sets us guidelines and standards to protect us--that's why things that seem good and really aren't are forbidden--because they are actually harmful. Wow!

Mystie

Staying Pure
on Tuesday, June 28, 2011 at 1:48 pm

Staying pure was very difficult for me this past month. My best friend kept telling me to stop having sex with my boyfriend and that it wasn't pleasing to the Lord but, I never listened to her. Just this past week I decided to talk to my mama about it and she told me that I should tell my dad. Boy was that hard! I've never been so scared in my life! When I told my dad he was very quiet and started crying... I started to really think about what I was doing and how it affected me, my family, my relationship with God, and my relationship with my boyfriend. God kept telling me that I needed to stop and talk to my boyfriend about it but, I was stubborn and refused. A couple days after that my boyfriend called me and told me that we needed to stop doing what we were doing and keep our relationship pure and truly seek the Lord. We both agreed that if we didn't start lifting each other up and fix our relationship with Christ that we shouldn't be together. I am so thankful that we had that talk. God has really moved in my life since then, I feel so much closer to God since we've made that choice.

Alicia

Too Far
on Saturday, July 2, 2011 at 12:21 pm

I'm in 11th grade, and my boyfriend and I have been dating for 2 years. I love him, and truley think he's the guy im going to marry. Lately though I feel like, I'm slowly losing my purity that I promised God. I guess i'm asking for prayer, advice on how to express my limits, and some encouraging words. Erin, this post was perfect for every girl out there. Thank you.

Abby

Not sure
on Sunday, July 3, 2011 at 10:16 am

okay so I don't really have a boy friend, but I do kinda have a guy. We're only just freshman this year, and we didn't even go to the same school, we were just in the same area. and saw each other every once and while when he would be visiting my school. well we found out near the end of the year we both liked each other, and this next year we are both gonna be gone and not see each other for the whole year until we get back and then we will both be going to my old school in 10th grade. We both want to like eachbother this whole year we're gone and see how it is when we get back. the only way we keep in contact is we message eachother on FB and sometimes chat, and I thought that was fine at first, but i find my self thinking about him ALOT! and more and more i've been wanting to tell him how much I miss him and all the things I love about him, and even say I love you, (but I haven't, bc/ i don't mean Love Love and I don't want him to get the wrong meaning and i feel wierd saying it) is that wrong of me? I'm only 14 almost 15. and also my mom and me have never talked about boys, and I want to tell her all about the guy I like, but i'm afraid she won't understand and i'm just plain scared to tell her! How can I bring this up? I also want to get a purity ring soon so I don't know how to ask my mom about any of this.....Advice please? Thank You So much! ~ Abby

Lorree, with the LYWB team

re: Abby
on Tuesday, July 5, 2011 at 3:15 pm

Abby,

One of the ways you can keep your heart pure and guard your heart in relation to your guy friend is to commit to pray for him. Each time you find yourself thinking about him, focus on praying. Ask the Lord to give him a desire to love God with all his heart, mind and soul (Matt. 22:36-38); pray for his purity (1 Thess. 4:2-4); pray he will be a loyal friend (Prov. 27:17); pray that he will grow in his knowledge of God (2 Pet. 3:18); pray that he would be a good steward of time (Ps. 90:12); pray he would seek to please God rather than man in all areas of his life (1 Thess. 2:4b). As you begin pray for this young man, you will find that you are taking your thoughts captive and your relationship with him will be on a more spiritual level rather than based on emotions.

I would encourage you to take the plunge and talk to your mom, Abby. She has experiences from her life that she can share with you to help you through this time. I am sure she wants you to remain pure until your wedding and she would relish the opportunity to invest in your life by giving you advice about purity and guys. Ask God to give you the opportunity to talk with her openly and honestly. Perhaps you can take her out on a “date”. Ask her questions – what was it like when she was 14? Did she date? How did she handle her feelings about boys? What advice would she give you about boys? As you ask her questions, you can begin to share with her your struggles and your desires and seek her wisdom in this area.

Taking the risk to talk to your mom will be one of the best things you can do, Abby. Your mom is there for you – and wants to help you. She will be so glad that you came to her with your questions.

Praying for you!
Lorree

Christina

Need advicer
on Thursday, July 7, 2011 at 2:34 pm

I'm a big beliver in sex after marriage but my bf isnt. Lately he's been asking me to do things i don't want to do. Sometimes i give in.I dont want to break up with him though.Is it possible that i can change his mind about having sex before marriage? Or do i have to break up with him?

Carrie, with the LYWB team

Christina
on Thursday, July 7, 2011 at 10:21 pm

Christina,
I’m glad you want to understand what God says about sexual immorality. His Word is very clear:

Flee from sexual immorality. Every other sin a person commits is outside the body, but the sexually immoral person sins against his own body (1 Cor. 6:18).

Sexual immorality involves physical, mental and emotional levels of intimacy created by God for married couples. You cannot violate God’s design for intimacy without suffering the consequences.

In talking about sexual immorality, Nancy Leigh DeMoss said,
“I wrote two words in my notes: STOP, exclamation point, NOW, period, and it's all in caps.
I don't know how else to say it, except stop it! Get somebody to help you, but attack this as if you were attacking a vicious enemy. Fight! I'm not saying it's easy to stop. I'll tell you it will be the biggest war, potentially, of your life…but make a decision now.”

Don’t compromise, Christina. You cannot change your boyfriend’s heart. Do what is right—not what your “heart” says to do. Don’t settle for anything less than God’s best for your life!

Praying for you to take that step of obedience even tonight.

Carrie

Anonymous

Need advice!
on Tuesday, July 12, 2011 at 2:59 pm

How do you now if you are pure?

Sarah, with the LYWB team

Re:
on Friday, July 15, 2011 at 6:45 pm

Anonymous…

How can you know if you are pure? The Bible speaks of purity of the heart, mind and body.

You can gauge the purity of your heart by considering Proverbs 4:23-27…

"Keep your heart with all vigilance, for from it flow the springs of life. Put away from you crooked speech, and put devious talk far from you. Let your eyes look directly forward, and your gaze be straight before you. Ponder the path of your feet; then all your ways will be sure.
Do not swerve to the right or to the left; turn your foot away from evil."

You can guage the purity of your mind by considering Philippians 4:8…

"Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pue, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable--if anything is excellent or praiseworthy--think about such things."

You can guage the purity of your body by considering Galatians 5:19-21…

"The acts of the sinful nature are obvious: sexual immorality, impurity and debauchery; idolatry and witchcraft; hatred, discord, jealousy, fits of rage, selfish ambition, dissensions, factions and envy; drunkenness, orgies, and the like. I warn you, as I did before, that those who live like this will not inherit the kingdom of God."

You are wise to take your life into consideration.

Hope

Tough, But Important, Topic
on Friday, July 29, 2011 at 12:07 am

Wow, tough topic!

I have never had a boyfriend and I hope I never do. Someday, if God intends for me to get married, I'll go the courtship route and that way only. I was reading a book recently that had a chapter very much on this topis and I love the two descriptions it used.

One was, How would you act if your future husband was in the room? Would you be willing to kiss your boyfriend or even hold his hand if you knew that the man you were going to marry was standing in the room?

The other was basically saying, every time you do something with a guy (hold his hand, hint at impurity, kiss, etc...) you give him a piece of your heart. Then when it is finally your day to get married, how much of your heart do you have left to give your husband.

I am not trying to critise, but instead, I am just agreeing with those who want to stay pure for their future husband. I'll admit, I too have had trouble with sexual thoughts (though not about a specific guy) and from time to time played with my body (alone!). I feel horrible and defiled when I do those kinds of things but I know that God is a forgiving and loving God.
I also love how in the Bible it says we should do everything as if doing it for Christ. Well, since "everything" includes keeping my body (God's temple) pure, then I want to do my best to preserve myself (if not for a husband some day) as pure temple for Christ.

With all that said, I want to thank you very much Erin for a very important topic!

- Hope

Tsukamaeta

Re:
on Monday, August 1, 2011 at 7:48 pm

My mom was extremely obedient to God and did not have sex until marriage- and nothing of the like. But, she slept in the same bed as my father many times before they were married. They weren't touching areas they shouldn't have been, so, it wasn't an issue. I think that if you have very very good self control like she did, you can do such a thing.

puddinggirl98

Thanks
on Friday, August 12, 2011 at 9:30 am

Great Post :)

jackie

help
on Monday, August 15, 2011 at 8:15 pm

every time a boy or bf asks me something i dont want to do its like i cant say no its like i dont want to upset them wat do i do

Lorree, with the LYWB team

Jackie
on Tuesday, August 16, 2011 at 5:22 pm

God tells is that the fear of man is a snare, but whoever trusts in the Lord is safe (Prov. 29:25). Spend time with the Lord by reading His Word, Jackie. This enables you to know what God says is right or wrong. You can be confident in what you believe and you can tell others no. Pleasing the Lord needs to be the goal of our lives. When we would rather please man than God, we have made man an idol rather than worshipping God.

Pray and ask the Lord to give you the courage and strength to do what is right and overcome your fear of man. I’ve prayed for you today, Jackie! God is faithful and He will give you the ability to do what is right (1 Cor. 10:13).

Hope

wow!
on Monday, September 5, 2011 at 4:41 pm

Hope- I saw what you commented above and it was so crazy! Everything you said was like it was coming out of my mouth! I struggle with the exact same things and I have the same standards and hopes for my future relationship. I am not in a relationship, and I truly want to wait until I am at a point where I can get married before I choose to date or court. I want to honor God with my body and my heart. I think I've read the same book as you too- I have those quotes written down in my journal. My dad is a pastor and sometimes it is so hard for me to hold up to the standard that people have set for me. So many people think that since I am a pastors daughter I am going to rebel- but I don't want to! So I have work even harder not to fail in some way, just to that I won't be the next stereotyped 'pastor's daughter'.
In spite of that, I struggle with keeping my thoughts pure. How can I keep my mind away from these images and erotic things?

I pray for my future husband daily, and for those who struggle with sexual impurity. And for those that have 'crossed the line', know that God forgives ALL sin! Though your virginity is lost, you can regain a 'second virginity' in your heart. If you truly regret what you have done and go to God for forgiveness and fulfillment, He will be there for you!

In a book I was reading recently, I read that if you are in a dating relationship, the innocence of your relationship should be so important to you and your boyfriend, that your purity is a priority in his life.

Anyways, I just wanted to share some of my thoughts :) Hope- somehow it makes me feel really good to know that there is someone else, with my name, that struggles with the exact same things as me. I'm praying for you- will you do the same for me?

in HIS love,
Hope <3

TinkerBell

Re:
on Wednesday, October 5, 2011 at 5:26 pm

Thanks. this post really helped me. I have been wondering for a while "How far is too far" and i really wanted to have all my questions about boys answered before I date.

Ajplinko

Please help?!
on Monday, October 17, 2011 at 3:32 pm

So there is this one guy that says he loves me and he would do anything for me and when I first met him I used to kind of like him but now I feel like God is telling me to just be friends with him and I'm trying to be but the guy already loves me and wants to marry me, I don't know what to do, I want to tell him that I don't like him and that I feel God is telling me that were just supposed to be friends but I don't want to hurt his feelings but then I want to just tell him so that it doesn't get any farther than it already has and it has gone to far. I hope all of this makes sense, if you have any sugestions please tell me, I would love some advice.
*Amaris*

Ajplinko

Re:
on Monday, October 17, 2011 at 10:33 pm

When I wrote my fist comment I said I didn't like the guy that loves me , what I meant is that I don't like him the same way he likes me, I only ilke him as a friend. I'm asking whoever sees my two posts if you will please pray for me, I have a lot going on in my life and I don't know what to do, I'm trying to look towards God as much as possible but I'm so confused about everything right now that a lot of the times I forget to look towards God, which makes me struggle more and get more confused. Please ray for me. Thank you all and God Bless.
*Amaris*

Carrie, with the LYWB team

Ajplinko
on Wednesday, October 19, 2011 at 6:51 pm

I know it can be difficult to share honestly when we fear our words will cause hurt in the lives of a friend. But, Proverbs 27:6 says, “ …faithful are the wounds of a friend.” Yes, your friend may indeed be hurt for a time, Ajplinko. But the Lord will heal his heart, if he will run to Him. A true friend wants God’s best, even when it goes against their own desires.

The Lord has been gracious to give you direction in regard to this friendship. Don’t ignore His promptings, dear friend. He will give you the courage you need to do what He is asking.

Carrie, with the LYWB team

Ajplinko
on Wednesday, October 19, 2011 at 7:25 pm

Praying you will know the peace of God that passes all understanding tonight, dear friend. He brings Light into the darkness and clarity to your confusion. Cry out to Him. He’s waiting to answer you.

Commit to a time in His Word and prayer every day. Begin with 15-20 minutes. Read through a Psalm and a Proverb. Write down what it says about God. Then ask the Lord how what you’ve read applies to your life Is there a promise to believe? A command to obey? A change that you need to make? Then spend a few minutes asking Him to help you through your day. He’ll meet you during that time, Ajplinko.
“The Lord is my strength and song, and He has become my salvation; This is my God, and I will praise Him (Ex. 15:2).”
Grace and peace,
Carrie

Jacqueline

Re:
on Friday, October 21, 2011 at 9:58 pm

This post really helped me. I wanted to know what my boundaries are. I don't have a boyfriend but your advice may be helpful in the future. Thanks!

Caroline

Re:
on Thursday, October 27, 2011 at 12:24 am

one of my very best [godly] friends is in a very unhealthy relationship with a boy... several of my other close christian girl friends have been very concerned about her as well. we pray for her consistently, but wonder if confronting her about it would do any good. i desperately want whats best for her, and want to help her as best i can. i really just want to help her see what she is doing and help her understand why this boy may not be the best choice.
help please!

Lorree, with the LYWB team

re: Caroline
on Monday, October 31, 2011 at 1:48 pm

Often when we are in the throes of a relationship, we cannot discern what is good or bad about it. People who love us are able to see things that we cannot. I encourage you to pray about what the Lord would have you do in this situation. Examine your heart motive and make sure you are clean before the Lord (Lk. 6:37-42). If God is leading you to speak to your friend, pray and ask that He would prepare her heart for your conversation. She needs to know that you are coming to her out of concern and love, not out of condemnation. Be specific in what you are seeing that concerns you. If you can have scripture to base your concerns on, you are keeping the Word (Ps. 119:11) between you and your friend. Pray together with her. Assure her of your love for her and your commitment to your friendship.

Confronting her is no guarantee that it will change the situation she is in. But if the Lord is directing you to speak to her, you need to be obedient to Him and trust Him with the outcome of your conversation. Thank you for being concerned about your friend, Caroline! I’m praying for you!

KingsDaughter

gone to far already
on Friday, November 11, 2011 at 3:10 pm

i guess i would like some advice.
i had many boyfriends already and the one before last i was with, well i fell inlove with him. I love him so much even doe were not together and he says he want to come back with me i know is wrong to go back with him but inside i really want too, but i wouldn't because of how much i love God. We went really to far we didn't have sex but was close. i now understand why song of solomon say don't awaken love before it time. Because he is always on my mind. i wish i knew how to get over him thats all. I want to stop thinking about him so much.

Carrie, with the LYWB team

gone too far already
on Monday, November 14, 2011 at 5:01 pm

I’m sorry you are struggling so with a broken heart, friend. I do remember how difficult that can be. But I’m so proud of you for doing the right thing…even though it is the hard thing. You are honoring your Lord, KingsDaughter. And it’s so good to know that He understands your pain (Heb. 4:15) and He has promised to heal your broken heart (Ps. 147:3).

As you said, the most important thing right now is to guard carefully what you allow your mind to dwell upon. Focusing on memorizing Scripture will be a great help, friend. It will fill your mind with that which is pure, right and good and will keep your mind from dwelling on the past. Psalm 25 or 46 would be a great place for you to begin. Know I’m praying for you today, friend.

Nichole

Question @ Carrie
on Wednesday, November 23, 2011 at 2:59 pm

Hey this is a great post! Carrie I have a question is kissing going to far?

Nichole

Chelsey

Really great job
on Thursday, November 24, 2011 at 11:14 am

This article has inspired me. Ive been hinting to alot of guys previously but Im still pure. I know its wrong and i want to correct it. But what do i say to the guys who were on the same level with me before?

Sarah, with the LYWB team

Chelsey
on Friday, November 25, 2011 at 8:08 pm

I am so proud of you for hearing the truth of this article and responding to the Lord by correcting your behavior. Don’t back down; it will not be easy to talk with the guys you have been hinting to, but you must for the sake of Christ and His name. You want to be pure in word, thought and deed!

Simply tell those guys that you have been convicted of your impure speech and actions and want to change. If they respect your explanation, then you know they respect you. If they don’t, then you know they had their own agenda and you are blessed to be out of those relationships.

I am praying for you, Chelsey, that God will give you the courage to do what is right. God bless you.

Carrie, with the LYWB team

re: Question@Carrie
on Saturday, November 26, 2011 at 7:12 pm

Hey Nichole,

So glad Erin’s post was helpful to you! Here are a few questions (based on Erin’s post) that will help you.

• Can you kiss and think thoughts that are pure and honorable?
• Would kissing cause you to “hint at sexual sin” – in your mind, the mind of the guy or the mind of others?
• Would kissing cause you or the guy to want to go further?
• Would you want your future husband to kiss another woman?

Praying for you tonight, friend!

Grace and peace,
Carrie

Nichole

Carrie
on Tuesday, November 29, 2011 at 3:22 pm

I should have explaned it better i am 19 and my bf is 15 is it wrong to kiss each other with that age difference i mean we dont mind the age difference at all i was just wondering if that is wrong.

Nichole

Carrie, with the LYWB team

Nichole
on Saturday, December 3, 2011 at 9:23 pm

Hey, Nichole ~

Sorry it’s taken me a few days to respond. Sarah just posted a link to a very helpful post Erin did on the The Power of a Kiss.

I’m praying for you tonight as you trust the Lord for His plan for your life!

Many blessings, friend ~
Carrie

Nichole

Carrie
on Tuesday, December 6, 2011 at 2:40 pm

I found the blog and read it. I understand how hard it can be. On saturday i talked to him about kissing and he said as long as we keep our thoughts pure and still follow God its ok. I think the same thing as he does. We also think as long as the kisses arent long it should be ok. Is it? I am so confused and we both want to do what is right. Can you help?

Nichole

Carrie, with the LYWB team

Nichole
on Thursday, December 8, 2011 at 9:17 am

Hey Nichole,

I’m so glad you’re seeking the counsel of your parents and youth pastor as you move forward in this relationship. I’m proud of you, Nichole!

Here are a few more questions to help you think through kissing. Ask yourself if kissing is simply “good” - makes you feel special at the time - or is it best? Does it build both of you up in your faith and cause you to want more of God and HIs Ways? Or does it cause you to focus more on yourself? Do you have a greater desire for God or for increased pleasure?

Praying for both of you this morning, friend!

Anonymous

Re:
on Wednesday, January 4, 2012 at 6:42 pm

Hi i know this is a very late commemnt but i need help. Theres a guy i like but we used to be friends but dont really talk anymore and we only see each other like twice a year and even then we dont talk to each other, i am not planning on going out with him and i dont think of unpure(impure) things . Is it alrite to just have a 'crush'?

Sarah, with the LYWB team

Anonymous
on Wednesday, January 4, 2012 at 10:01 pm

See if this helps...Erin spoke to this question on the blog post Are Crushes OK? at this lnk: http://www.liesyoungwomenbelieve.com/index.php?id=665

Blessings to you!

Anonymous

Re:
on Saturday, February 4, 2012 at 10:28 pm

Well I don't have a bf but more of a bestfriend who ik I shouldn't be associating with who is known for getting around and he's from youthgroup but we went a bit farther then expected at my youthgroup. I feel guilty bc I've realized he just wants me for my body and he thinks I'm easy when I'm really not! And I thought he cared what should I dooooo???

Lorree, with the LYWB team

re: Anonymous
on Tuesday, February 7, 2012 at 11:22 am

Oh, friend, I’m so sorry that you have been hurt, but at the same time, I’m very thankful that the Lord has opened your eyes to the heart and motive of this young man. You know that you must break off the relationship. If you don’t, it will only continue to go further and you will carry more regrets forward into your life.

From now on, make it a point to hang out with other people at youth group. Make it a point to never again be alone with him. You might even pray about speaking to your youth group leader about what happened. This young man needs accountability, as do you. He needs a man to come along-side him to teach him a better way to be a man and to ask him the hard questions men need to ask each other.

I encourage you to pray and get into the Word, friend. It will strengthen you in the battle you are in and will guide you in the way you should go. I’ve prayed for you this morning and have asked the Lord to give you courage to do the right thing even though it is hard.

wonderer05

Question....
on Wednesday, April 11, 2012 at 2:46 pm

Why is masturbation wrong?

Is there any Scripture that identifies this issue specifically?

Carrie, with the LYWB team

Re: Question…
on Thursday, April 12, 2012 at 3:01 pm

While there aren’t any specific Scriptures referring to masturbation, there are many Scriptures related to the way we think and respond.

To help you think this through from a biblical perspective check out Erin’s posts on this topic here:

• http://www.liesyoungwomenbelieve.com/index.php?id=759
• http://www.liesyoungwomenbelieve.com/index.php?id=761
•

Miss Lucy

Tsukamaeta
on Tuesday, April 17, 2012 at 11:35 pm

Pretty name:).Wow! your Mum had self control,but I don't think people should
risk it I've heard of such things [bundling]
something that goes back before Queen
Victoria but as I said before I certainly
wouldn't advise it

Miss Lucy

wonderer05 question
on Tuesday, April 17, 2012 at 11:47 pm

Yes I believe it is here is a scriptures
though the bible doesn't refer...as Carrie said above...
to the topic
1 corinthians3v16-17
if you have that problem
this may help
http://becomingahopefulromantic.blogspot.co.nz
scroll down to the secret struggle---being
mastered by your own body
hope that helps:)

Jill

kissing
on Tuesday, April 17, 2012 at 11:57 pm

Just a rather funny thing I recall
I saw a lipstick/gloss bottle had a slogan
on it kissing is the road to intimacy or something like that aka I think that says enough about my view of not kissing

Julia

The best website for girls is...
on Monday, April 23, 2012 at 8:18 pm

I will not do it if I would not do it if Jesus and my future husband were in the room. That is my guideline for every relationship I have with guys. It seems pretty simple and easy to me as someone who has never ever had a boy friend before, but I don't know how hard it will be to resist the temptation when it comes. But I'm planning on hopefully never having to face that temptation without some extreme back up. See, I don't date. I know that comes as a shock to most people (and to all the boys that have asked me out), but I really, really value my future husband and the future wives of the other guys for that matter. When we are both (Mr. right and I) called by God to each other and are ready for a "serious" relationship (courtship, and God willing, marriage), and both my parents and a few other mentors (like my pastor) are all in agreement with the situation, I will begin to court the guy. In my view, courtship is: spending time together with *him* and my family. In the very beginning though, it will be a lot more restricted, but as we get further into a progressing relationship, my Dad will allow certain things like going out on a normal date together (with time restrictions and all that) or double dating with some other godly young couples etc... I'm wondering if that sounds to restricted though. My parents obviously "don't" think so. But I see so much of the exact opposite, not only out in the world but in the Church, in my "friends"... I trust God and I trust what He has shown me concerning this, I just hate having practically everyone except my good friends and immediate family, looking at me like a freak. :) I guess Jesus wasn't kidding when He said that the world will see you as His children living "different" lives and hating you for it. But I take comfort in that He said (in the same breath) that He has overcome the world, and that means I can too.
For we are in the world... but not of it!!!
Amen?
In His Grip,
Julia
P.S The very best website in the world for christian girls seeking advice on practically everything concerning this topic is... http://www.therebelution.com/modestysurvey/

Please check it out!!!

Morgan

Crossing the Line
on Wednesday, June 27, 2012 at 11:26 am

One of the main questions I always hear is "How far is to far?" and "How close can I get to the line and not cross over?"
My answer to both of those questions...
It shouldn't be how far can I get to the line, it should be how far can I stay away from that line.
Ladies, I once heard a very wise woman say, " A girl with her purity can be like everyone else in no time, but everyone else can not be like her if she still has her purity.
Getting to close to the line is kind of like playing with fire.... oh wait, it is playing with fire, and the closer you get the fire is going to burn you. So stay away! Philippians 4:8 talks about what we should think on, pure, lovely, and just things. Think on the things of CHRIST and you won't have a problem with getting to close to that line.
Ladies, I pray your question with be" How can I stay away from the line, not how far can I get to it without crossing over."

abby

DX
on Sunday, August 12, 2012 at 11:11 pm

no body seems to talk about whats on my mind on here....

Carrie, with the LYWB team

@abby
on Tuesday, August 14, 2012 at 3:24 pm

Hey girl. We’d love to hear what’s on your mind. Feel free to email us your questions/thoughts at info@reviveourhearts.com.

Autumn

At My Age
on Thursday, August 30, 2012 at 12:37 pm

At the age of 14, is that too young to hold hands with a boy, hug him, and let him put his arm around you?

Sarah, with the LYWB team

@Autumn...
on Saturday, September 1, 2012 at 11:05 pm

Erin was careful not to set an age, or make the decision for someone how far is too far. But, let me encourage you to take these next few years and enjoy having boys as friends, and not in a relationship. To start physical activity at this young age will make it harder to keep a line of purity throughout your teen years.

Yun Li

Kissing?
on Wednesday, December 5, 2012 at 11:29 am

I've just been wondering... Why do people save their first kiss for marriage? Does it signify anything? Or is it just sorta a "checkpoint?"

Lorree, with the LYWB team

@ Yun Li
on Thursday, December 6, 2012 at 4:53 pm

Great question, Yun Li! Often people choose to save their kiss for marriage as a means of avoiding temptations that can come in a relationship as we have physical contact there. It is a means of maintaining and protecting their purity until they are married—saving every part of themselves for their spouse.

Cris

Help!
on Friday, December 21, 2012 at 12:58 am

Ok so ive read all this and understand that I should not kiss my boyfriend yet I still want to I still have a desire to be with him and I feel bad about it what should I do

volleyball12!

Re:
on Thursday, January 3, 2013 at 7:20 pm

so i got a phone for christmas and i have everyone at my bible studys number. one of the people(john) one day we were txting and he was like"i luv u not in a weird way" and i was like i luv u not in a weird way to!and that has been going on... he has limited txting and he can't txt anymore. so instead he calls me. like 2 times a day morning and night. we had a conversation and agreed not to date.i just want to be friends anyways.
i told my friends about him(like us girls do) and they said i was dating him. Im not! and they were like ya u r he calls u and says he "loves" u it got me really mad because i am not dating him. well that my story. is it ok to act like ur dating but not date?

i thank u guys for all ur answers hope u have a good life!

Sarah, with the LYWB team

@volleyball12!...
on Monday, January 7, 2013 at 12:25 am

Something you said in describing your relationship might have made your friends see the two of you as more than just friends. It is certainly ok to talk with him on the phone if it is ok with your parents. You might consider saving "I luv u" for that special relationship that comes along with a future husband. What you want to do is present every relationship in the right light. Blessings to you, voleyball12! :-)

andrea

re kissing
on Tuesday, January 15, 2013 at 7:58 pm

I am not going to kiss until my wedding day. I'm not sure about all the other stuff, but I think your guidelines are good ones to go by.
I'm definitly going to save my kiss. I don't care how hard it is. God will help us.
I'm not going to date until I'm 18, so that's 3 years to make up my mind.

About sex-don't even consider it.

Asdfghjkl

Re:
on Thursday, March 21, 2013 at 10:01 pm

Okay.. so idk if I'll still get some help here since I noticed this blog is kind of old but I need help. well no necessarily help well actually yes help.
Me and my boyfriend are both Christian. we grew up in the church together, since we were young. We are both baptized and very very active in the church. Hes a little older than me. I love him. and he loves me. I forgot to mention that he is the first Christian boyfriend I've ever had and I am his first Christian girlfriend. Well we did some bad things. we crossed the line. we didn't have sex but we did some things...... things neither of us EVER did with anybody else. But we both realized that what we had been doing were very very wrong and we asked for forgiveness. We also apologized to eachother for disrespecting eachothers body's and causing eachother to sin. We both want to marry eachother in the future and we want to make this relationship with God. it's not easy but I've been praying and fasting about it. We agreed that the things that happened should never and will never happen again.

I happened to read a response up in the comments about a verse in the bible that says "if your right hand causes you to sin cut it off........ " Now I am really confused. because we both really want this relationship to work. We want to help eachother and get closer to God. He's the first guy I've ever told "I love you" to and I mean it. I really do. and I know he does to... i dont know if im making myself clear but, Please help.....

Carrie, with the LYWB team

@Asdfghjkl
on Tuesday, March 26, 2013 at 1:45 pm

Sounds like you’re taking the right first steps, friend. Erin’s post “What if I’ve blown it” (http://www.liesyoungwomenbelieve.com/index.php?id=685) will help you think through where you go from here.

I’m thrilled that you and your boyfriend desire to have a relationship that honors God and one another. Your goal for moral purity thrills my heart. My question to both of you would be, “What practical steps are you taking to ensure you don’t head down the same path again?

There’s no magic formula friend. But relying on our own good intentions rarely accomplishes our goal. Talk to your parents, your youth pastor and his wife or another couple you both respect. Let them know your desires and the steps you’re taking to carry out those desires. Give them permission to ask the hard questions from time to time and to remind you OFTEN of God’s incredible love and plan for your lives. Having those who love the Lord and will pray for us and walk with us on the journey is an incredible gift. Praying the Lord provides that gift for you this week, friend. Here are two more posts that will be helpful to you.

(http://www.liesyoungwomenbelieve.com/index.php?id=1936) Are You Hinting?
(http://www.liesyoungwomenbelieve.com/index.php?id=856 ) How Can I Know if a Person Loves Me

Renee Brown

Re:
on Friday, May 17, 2013 at 12:04 pm

I love this Blog x1000

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