hen double lives are exposed it doesn't look like a James Bond movie. Hearts are broken. Lives are torn apart. Sin's power to deceive and destroy is on full display. "/>

Are you living a double life?

Erin Davis 03/22/11 | Twitter: @ErinGraffiti
Category: Sin ; 69 comments

double lifeDouble lives aren't just for spies. I was reminded of this reality when the double life of a young woman I've been mentoring was recently exposed. On the outside she seemed to be living her life for Jesus. She smiled a lot. She wore Christian T-shirts. She never missed church or youth group, and she talked the talk about faith and purity and living to please the Lord. That's why those of us who love her were undone when we discovered that she was secretly choosing a life of sin. For months, she has been living a double life—one as a young woman committed to Christ and one as a young woman choosing to sin repeatedly.

I'm close enough to the situation to know that when double lives are exposed it doesn't look like a James Bond movie. Hearts are broken. Lives are torn apart. Sin's power to deceive and destroy is on full display.

It worries me to think that some of you may be leading double lives. You're one way at church or with your families and someone else entirely behind closed doors. You're locked in a pattern of sin you feel you cannot break free from, but you refuse to confess your sin and ask for accountability. You're choosing to stay in a secret romantic relationship that has been forbidden by your parents. You put on a mask of happiness when you're with others, but inside you're miserable and you're convinced that you can't tell anyone.

While doing research for Lies Young Women Believe, we discovered that many young women are using media to lead double lives. Most of the girls we interviewed said that they thought it was okay to be one person at home and a different person with others ... especially online. We found that professing Christian girls were often likely to gossip, use mild to wild profanity, talk causally about sex, send or receive illicit text messages, and target other girls with mean and aggressive comments while online. These same girls sang in the praise team at their church, led small group Bible studies, and gushed about how important their faith was to them. They were one person online and someone else entirely at church, at home, or with their Christian friends. They were living double lives, and they didn't see the harm in it. It is a trend that we've seen continue since LYWB hit the shelves.

Hear me ... the result of living a double life is always pain.

Living a double life happens when you justify two different kinds of behavior in your mind. The Bible calls the thought process behind living a double life being double-minded. James 1:8 says that a double-minded person is unstable in everything that they do. James 4:8 says, "Come near to God and he will come near to you. Wash your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded."

Jesus despised the double-mindedness of the religious rulers of His day. That's why He often called the Pharisees out on their hypocrisy.

In Matthew 23:27–28, He said, "Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You are like whitewashed tombs, which look beautiful on the outside but on the inside are full of the bones of the dead and everything unclean. In the same way, on the outside you appear to people as righteous but on the inside you are full of hypocrisy and wickedness."

Being double-minded is a sin. Living like two different people isn't God's plan for you. What's the remedy for double-minded living? According to James 4:8, it's coming to God and asking Him to make us clean.

Are you living as an authentic Christian with a whole heart toward God? Or are you living a double life divided into who you are in public and who you are in secret? I know that my friend whose double life was just exposed would warn you that the cost of your hypocrisy is higher than you can imagine. It hurts, but she's decided to leave her double life behind and ask Jesus to permeate every corner of her life. Do you need to do the same?

Teach me your way, LORD, that I may rely on your faithfulness; give me an undivided heart, that I may fear your name (Ps. 86:11).

Comments

HEY, GIRLS! We love hearing from you, but feel limited in the ways we can help. For one thing, we’re not trained counselors. If you’re seeking counsel, we encourage you to talk to your pastor or a godly woman in your life as they’ll know more details and can provide you with ongoing accountability and help. Also, the following comments do not necessarily reflect the views of Revive Our Hearts. We reserve the right to remove comments which might be unhelpful, unsuitable, or inappropriate.

    m
    * Love the post*
    on Tuesday, March 22, 2011 at 8:19 am
    That was a great post! Every time i come to this website i find godly woman helping the younger generation. Thank you for that I know that every teenager on here appreciates what you do.So Thank you sooooooooo much!!!!
    Emma
    Re:
    on Tuesday, March 22, 2011 at 8:53 am
    Thank for the awesome post Erin.I guess I really don't realize how I much of that I am doing.I am a PK(pastor's kid)and I think sometimes I will have a terrible attitude towards everybody at home before church and then when I walk through the doors I magically transform into a little saint and I never can let anyone see my bad side.Also I think since I am a pk people expect that I know everything biblical and everything in all my classes and so it feels that I am expected more than my fellow classmates.Thanks again!
    Mary
    Re:
    on Tuesday, March 22, 2011 at 9:06 am
    This was really great. I actually struggle with this temptation myself. Most times I can fight against it and it is much easier as far as the internet goes. This is the only place where I really post anything online. But sometimes I feel like I need to fit in and be somebody else at school and then I know I can't be that person for my parents so I switch back to the real me. Please pray for me!
    Meghan
    Re:
    on Tuesday, March 22, 2011 at 9:51 am
    Thank you for this post Erin! I am a pastor's kid and it can be so hard to be one and not live a double life! Emma explained everything really well in her comment. People think I am such a perfect person and that I never get mad at my siblings or anything. I have actually had one person tell me that they are sure I let lots of things just roll of my back. They were so wrong! That is the complete opposite of me! I am not at all like that. Sometimes I just want to stand up in church and yell, "I'm not perfect! I don't know everything there is too know about the Bible and God!" Once we were playing Bible Trivia in Sunday School and everyone on my team was so excited that I was on their team and they expected me to know everything. I don't! In fact I have been reading the book Lies Young Women Believe, and I am beginning to see how much my knowledge of the Bible is lacking and how much I need to start memorizing it. So while I may not lead the kind of double life you are talking about, I still lead one in the sense that here at home I am me, but at church I am the world's most perfect saint. Please pray for me. Thank you, Meghan
    Gracefalls
    totally
    on Tuesday, March 22, 2011 at 10:19 am
    I totally live a double life! I seem to be this lovely cheery ... a little crazy, fun teenage girl who everyone likes, but inside i am living a double life! I am in hell. I have this side of me nobody has ever seen! not even online! I am a very pretty girl, but my double side is telling me i am nothing ugly... i want to just be my first self, not my life of hell that i am hoarding inside myself
    Annamarie
    Re:
    on Tuesday, March 22, 2011 at 12:36 pm
    Thank you for this Erin. =)
    AbbyS
    Re:
    on Tuesday, March 22, 2011 at 12:55 pm
    I am stunned, and convicted beyond words. Thanks for always sharing truth, even if it hurts.LYWB blog is such a blessing.
    Chloe
    Re:
    on Tuesday, March 22, 2011 at 12:58 pm
    I know that sometimes it's hard for me to be consistent in the way that I act, and I will admit that sometimes I do lead a doubled life. Lately I've been thinking about it, and I realized that people don't watch you as much at church as they do when you're out in public. If nonbelievers know that we go to church, but they see us doing something that we're not supposed to somewhere else, then they're going to think, "Well our actions are no different then theirs, and in fact, they're being hypocrites. So why should I believe in their God?" Thanks so much for posting this, Erin, it really helped me a lot and from now on I'm going to try to be more consistent.
    sarah
    texting
    on Tuesday, March 22, 2011 at 1:52 pm
    Hi! Thank you so much for helping us glorify God in every area of our lives. I was wondering, have you found any Bible principles that could apply to texting guys? How should a godly young lady carry on conversations via the phone with guys that are legitimately "just friends" and maybe someone else you like, but don't let them know.
    Aavery
    Re:
    on Tuesday, March 22, 2011 at 2:11 pm
    I kind of feel I am in the same spot Mary is in. Only, I feel I can't be the real me around my parents. Therefore, I am put up this shell when I am around I parents, but when I am with my grandparents I am who I really am. Please pray for me as I figure out what to do.
    Alice17
    Re:
    on Tuesday, March 22, 2011 at 3:25 pm
    Wow, I didn't realize that just hiding the fact that you're hurting can be living a double life. That's something I do alot of.
    gabriella
    AHHH
    on Tuesday, March 22, 2011 at 4:07 pm
    Yes I do feel like I'm living a double life...I'm on stress over load right now with school, bf, PARENTS!! I can"t take this!!!!

    please pray for me.
    Caty
    pk too
    on Tuesday, March 22, 2011 at 4:38 pm
    Wow, Emma and Meghan were right on when they were talking about being a preacher's kid. I am a pk also, and have faced a lot of that same stuff they mentioned. It's good to know that other ppl are going through the same things that I am.
    Marcy B
    Hmmm
    on Tuesday, March 22, 2011 at 7:17 pm
    i used to be a good kid but as i grew older i started hanging wit the wrong crowd and stuff. so now i feel like im living a double-ish life. i have been pulled into much sin and temptation from chilling with these friends but ive been scared to let ppl know who the other me is. i feel like the ppl at church and youth would judge me...my family is so hurt by what ive gotten into and it totally sucks but i cant seem to pull away from these friends. its so hard....what do i do?? i know i need help and i read the bible and stuff but i feel disgusted with myself. i feel like im too gross and bad to pray or read the bible. i need help....DESPERATELY. thanks for everything

    me
    Ella
    Perfect Timing - Urgent Question
    on Tuesday, March 22, 2011 at 7:36 pm
    God's timing really is absolutely perfect. I am so grateful that you posted this because I have been dealing with a situation exactly like this. I have recently discovered that a family member of mine has been living a double life and God even revealed that to be in a surreal way. I know that I need to tell me parents about it , but I don't know how to approach the subject. So I am asking if you can help and give me godly advice on what I should do. I know its important that I don't become ignorant of this because if this doesn't get resolved with now, it'll definitely be a VERY big issue in the future. Point blank this is about porn websites that I found on the computer.
    Please Help with any advice, I will greatly appreciate it .


    Thank you so much for this post !
    Fuzzy Socks
    HELP
    on Tuesday, March 22, 2011 at 7:50 pm
    I used to be like the girl Erin talked about. I had an issue online that tore me to pieces adn I hid it for months. But I can't seem to break all of my old habits since I've rededicated my life ot Christ, adn I see myself falling back into the pattern of being someone different around certain people, especially guys. Please pray for me that God's grace will get me through this tough time.

    Love yall!
    Fuzzy
    Anonymous
    Re
    on Tuesday, March 22, 2011 at 7:55 pm
    I do the same thing in a way. To the people at church I'm a great godly girl who loves God, but I'm really struggling with God right now. I've been in and out of depression for the past 8 months I'm happier now but maybe I'm just fooling everyone including myself. I lost the fun loving sweet crazy godly girl that I used to be when I fell into depression I was suicidal and a mess but my friend said some harsh truthful words and I listened to her and got out of depression but I'm still not loving God or desiring God I still want to live in my sin and don't want to confess and repent. I feel like God hates me and wants nothing to do with me. I deserve to go to hell and I dont know.... I just wish I was perfect than He would love me.
    Mary
    Re: Aavery
    on Tuesday, March 22, 2011 at 10:07 pm
    I totally understand your spot. Sometimes I also struggle with being myself even around my parents. I will definitely pray for you!
    Daniela
    Love the post!
    on Tuesday, March 22, 2011 at 10:46 pm
    Thank you so much for this erin! Sometimes I find myself being two faced. Please pray for me! Aavery I'll be praying for you:)
    Haribozz
    Wow!
    on Wednesday, March 23, 2011 at 11:50 am
    Glory be to God!! So much conviction and awe came from this post. My life right now is all about being double-minded and it took reading this post to get to the point where I am right now. Bearing All. I keep repeating the same sins but professing my Christian faith every time I feel am doing so well in my walk with God. I have kept my romantic relationship, always telling my boyfriend how I've changed and can't do the same things with him any more, and also according to my own understanding (not Heavenly Father's when I know not to be "leaning on my own understanding' as the Bible tells me to) , I am at the same time "encouraging" him to seek God, which he never does because its me that always ends up compromising. (and am thinking, what does he think of me? I am too ashamed to ask him but even more disappointed that he never encourages me not to go back to doing the same things. He just goes on with things.) Am never honest with myself about the friendships I keep and how influenced I am by my friends. What a mess. I am so saddened by my life.

    Thank You for your post Erin :)

    :( I don't know what to do first and am scared God might not hear my prayers because of all this but I will still pray. I need Jesus Christ in my life. That I know for sure.
    Esther Falcetta
    Double Lives
    on Wednesday, March 23, 2011 at 1:05 pm
    Thanks so much for this posting. As the mom of a teenage girl who genuinely wants to live for Christ, we have lots of conversations about this topic! Sadly, many of the kids in our church youth group appear to be living 'double lives', but truthfully, I wonder how many of them actually have authentic relationships with Christ to begin with! Further, I know that most do not have homes where Christ is 'taught and caught' (through parents who integrate teaching and personal example of the Christian life), so they are at an extreme disadvantage. Of course, our children are surrounded by a culture that promotes the sin nature as acceptable and the 'norm'. As youth leaders and parents, my husband and I have come to the conclusion that if our children do not have strong personal convictions, they cannot stand for the truth. Prior to having those convictions, they have to acknowledge their need for a Savior, and accept Christ's transforming power in their lives. Then, we can begin to teach HOW to live the Christian life and use discipleship and encouraging accountability to grow these young lives.
    Meghan
    Caty
    on Wednesday, March 23, 2011 at 2:57 pm
    I will be praying for you! Being a PK is sooooo hard sometimes! Can you pray for me? I would really appreciate it! I don't know any other PK's really well besides my siblings so I never can really just talk about the good and bad things, with others like me. I don't mean to complain and I do have good friends who pray for me, but it is not the same as having a really good friend who is experiencing the same things I am that I can talk things over with.
    Alice17
    re:Haribozz
    on Wednesday, March 23, 2011 at 3:17 pm
    Keep praying! God does hear you. I know you may not want to hear this, but you probably need to break up with your boyfriend, remove the temptation to keep sinning. I know that's hard to even think about, I have a boyfriend. I'll be praying for you.
    Haribozz
    Re: Alice17
    on Wednesday, March 23, 2011 at 4:45 pm
    Thanks for the advice Alice17.

    That is truly my struggle right now. Everyday I think of breaking up with him simultaneously with how it's affecting my relationship with God. And last week I managed to convince myself that maybe if I changed the way I do things with him e.g like not having sleep overs, not spending too much alone time together then it would help but just as it is, it lasted a week and I am back to sleep overs and plenty alone time.. The thing is, when I talk to him about seeking God and becoming true Christians, he says, he doesn't want to 'disturb' my Christian walk but he's not ready to change and that I cant just expect him to change just because I am deciding to.. The problem is, I feel sorry for him and at the same time like am being self-righteous! I feel like, I am not "perfect" and am only just starting to change, so maybe am being unfair to him? He's not a bad person. And he loves me. But I want to be right with God so much and yet I keep holding on to this relationship! How can I tell him that I just want to live right, to walk in the consciousness of God, to leave my sin and shame behind because Jesus' Christ death represents that - freedom from sin, shame, fear - but without making him feel like am looking down on him, or anything along those lines??

    Help me girls! I am struggling!!
    Ashley
    Good Post !!
    on Wednesday, March 23, 2011 at 5:06 pm
    Thank you Erin. I will pray for those who are having this problem and for myself, because I know sometimes I live a double life too.
    CC
    @Anonymous
    on Wednesday, March 23, 2011 at 10:22 pm
    One of the first things you should do is repent and confess your sins to Him. It will draw you closer to Him and God is just waiting for you to do so.

    P.S. Psalm 34:18 "The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit."
    Gabriella
    Re: Fuzzy socks
    on Wednesday, March 23, 2011 at 11:49 pm
    Your in my prayers! But I'm in the exact same dilemma!:( I'm falling into everything again and I pray for God to help me but it seems like my old habits are consuming me. I'm sooo stressed out right now!

    p.s. and i feel like its worse even here at home:(...also keep me in prayer.

    love, gabriella
    ashley/lily
    IDK?
    on Thursday, March 24, 2011 at 12:56 am
    Thanks for the post even though i did not want to hear it. sin is so hard to stop when ur in it.
    Esther Falcetta
    Haribozz Post
    on Thursday, March 24, 2011 at 7:49 am
    Haribozz -

    You are asking some good questions, and you seem to already know what you need to do. I trust that you have people in your life who can encourage and remind you that you are a precious daughter of our Heavenly Father. I also hope that those same Christians will continue to encourage you to walk away from sin, accepting the reality that sin will always have consequences and determining to move forward in God's Truth, then growing the conviction to follow that Truth. It's often hard to discern God's will because the Bible doesn't spell out a lot of things in black & white. However, one sin struggle that IS spelled out is sexual immorality. To move out of your current situation, you are going to need a determination that can only come from the Lord. His perfect will for your life does not include dating nonbelievers and certainly does not include a sexual relationship outside of marriage. Many women (young and old) believe that once they have entered into a sexual relationship outside of marriage, they've already 'done the deed', so it's easier to stay in the relationship. This happens all the time within the church, and it certainly happens constantly in the world around us. Our culture certainly doesn't promote Godly values, and it's definitely counter-cultural to practice sexual purity. The amazing Truth is that God's grace gives us what we don't deserve, and His mercy means that He DOESN'T give us what we DO deserve! Even when we've sinned, He's there to surround us with that grace & mercy...but it doesn't mean that we walk away with no consequences. However, as I've told many other young women...get out now while you only have the emotional and mental consequences to deal with. It seems to me that you know what you need to do, now you just need the courage and conviction to go and do it. If you don't have parents who can encourage you, go to your pastor and ask for some help in finding an older Christian WOMAN (not a man) who can disciple and mentor you. Be cautious about who you choose to enter into that mentoring relationship with...but be willing to be 100% honest and accept the accountability that should come along with the encouragement. Focus on finding your true value in Christ, and accepting His transforming power in your life. If you're in a youth or singles group, (and if the leaders are trustrworthy, mature Christians), ask them to pray for and with you, and then ask them to find ways to help hold you accountable. You're going to need to replace the time that you currently spend with your boyfriend with time spent with people who will keep you busy! This is an investment that other Christians should be very willing to make in your life, but it's not always easy to find people who are willing to fight the battle alongside you. It's very easy to break off relationships, then to fall right back in. Satan will do his best to bring loneliness, reminders of your sin, lack of value, and sometimes even non-loving judgment from other believers...all of this to tempt you right back into your sin. Just remind yourself that this relationship is not from the Lord...and that if you are truly determined to follow after Christ, you will make these hard choices, knowing that you have the Lord on your side. I know many young women who have walked the same path that you are on. Some have chosen the path of righteousness, others have chosen to remain in their sin because it's too difficult to 'do the right thing'. They want the security of a sinful relationship more than they want to follow Christ. There are many wonderful books and resources online (like this one)...spend time studying God's Word and reading books that will encourage you as you walk in Truth. Get up everyday with the personal determination that you are going to "DO THE RIGHT THING" and you'll never regret making these tough decisions! You've already taken a great step by acknowledging where you're at, and the Lord can give you the strength to walk away. Your witness to your boyfriend will be stronger if you choose to end the relationship, especially if you do so by honestly admitting that you are not following after God's heart by continuing to have a sexual relationship with him. You can't control anything other than your own choices...but sometimes making the right choice is enough to show someone else the way to Christ.
    serra
    Re:
    on Thursday, March 24, 2011 at 2:19 pm
    this was very helpful!!! i hope even when i get older to stay living one life. bless all of u.
    Alice17
    re:Haribozz
    on Thursday, March 24, 2011 at 11:40 pm
    I'm praying for you! I agree with Esther Falcetta, sometimes the best way to show someone Christ is by making the right choice. And tell your boyfriend that you aren't looking down on him and you don't think that you're better than him just because you're choosing to do what's right. I know how hard it is to let go of someone, but you really need to. Let go and find joy in God, and in time He will bring the right guy into your life, if He wants you to marry. Waiting on Him is hard, but I know it will be worth it. I'm kind of in the waiting season right now, it's not easy, but I believe that God knows what's best for me and He will work things out according to His will. He knows about and cares about the details in your life, He will give you the strength to make the right choice, lean on Him.
    Valerie
    HELP!
    on Friday, March 25, 2011 at 12:53 pm
    I may be strong in some areas but this is one I consistently struggle with especially when there are n adults around. I know what's right and wrong I just want whats worse for me so much!
    I have a question though. I go to some public school classes and the chics there swear and sometimes I join in. Is it wrong? I also flirt like crazy there because my mom isn't around. How do I stop? I want to keep myself pure but I feel like someone or something else is using my body to do wrong stuff. I want to be a light so much, but I act as if i live in and like the dark. I feel like I have two sides of me and i can't stop it!
    What's going on??? Its freakin me out!Its like i am not in control anymore!help me!
    Kenzi
    Re: Valerie
    on Saturday, March 26, 2011 at 3:25 am
    Read Romans 7:14-25. You sound just like Paul! Then read chapter 8 too!
    Hailey
    Dear Valerie
    on Saturday, March 26, 2011 at 2:01 pm
    Boy do I agree with you! I was homeschooled most of my life and for the past couple of years I have been attending public school. At first I thought I would be a light for God and live for Him at school. Shortly after my first school year started, I found myself drifting to a group of friends who didn't have that goal in mind. Though they had great morals and were seen as some of the 'good girls' in the school, they drew me into drama and other things I never saw myself being sucked into. While I refused to date guys, I became the one they came to for advice on what to say back when guys texted them, and how to act around the guys they liked. I became very different then what I was before. However, my school life came known in my church and home life in my second year in public school. This was a really hard time for me but I am so glad it happened! I am now loving school and my two best friends there are strong Christians! Though I can still struggle at times when I am not with those friends, the Lord is helping me to grow in him so much! Hope this helped Valerie!
    Love, Hailey
    Cassie
    wow
    on Saturday, March 26, 2011 at 9:16 pm
    major conviction. Thanks Erin.
    Erin Davis
    Marcy B
    on Tuesday, March 29, 2011 at 3:29 pm
    You simply cannot keep close friendships with people who are not walking with the Lord and keep your ways pure.

    1 Corinthians 15:33 says, "Do not be deceived: 'Bad company ruins good morals.'"

    Do you know what Jesus said for us to do when something (or someone) causes us to sin? Cut them off.

    In Matthew 18:8 He said, "If your hand or your foot causes you to stumble, cut it off and throw it away. It is better for you to enter life maimed or crippled than to have two hands or two feet and be thrown into eternal fire."

    His point was that anything that causes you to sin is not worth having in your life.

    You need to distance yourself from these friends. Do you have any Christian friends that you could make an effort to spend more time with as an alternative?

    Erin
    Erin Davis
    Ella
    on Tuesday, March 29, 2011 at 3:31 pm
    I think you should keep it simple. Show your parents the history on your computer and tell them that it wasn't you looking at those sites. Let them take the ball from there.

    Sound simple enough?

    Erin
    Erin Davis
    Anonymous
    on Tuesday, March 29, 2011 at 3:37 pm
    God does not hate you.

    Jeremiah 31:3 says, "The LORD appeared to us in the past, saying: “I have loved you with an everlasting love; I have drawn you with unfailing kindness."

    John 3:16 says,"For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life."

    Clearly, God's love for you is strong. He was willing to send His son to die so that He can be with you for eternity. So...clearly, the thought that "God hates you and wants nothing to do with you" is a big, fat lie.

    But you hit the nail on the head as to why your relationship with God is strained. If you don't want to confess your sin and turn away from it, you are going to continue to be stuck in your relationship with Him.

    I guess you have to get to the point when you realize that sin isn't all it's cracked up to be. No one can make that choice for you.

    I will be praying for you. Until you are ready to turn away from sin and admit your need for Jesus, you are in for a lot of pain and frustration.

    Erin
    Erin Davis
    Haribozz
    on Tuesday, March 29, 2011 at 5:03 pm
    This isn't going to be easy for you to read, but I think you should end your relationship with your boyfriend.

    In Matthew 18:8 Jesus said, "If your hand or your foot causes you to stumble, cut it off and throw it away. It is better for you to enter life maimed or crippled than to have two hands or two feet and be thrown into eternal fire."

    His point was that anything that causes you to sin isn't worth the cost...get rid of it. In this case it is your relationship with your boyfriend that is causing you (and him) to sin. Radical amputation is necessary.

    Sexual sin is highly addictive. That's because God intended for sex to be the glue that bonded us to another person for life. It is unlikely that you will be able to just sinning simply because you want to.

    Do you have a wise friend or mentor you can talk to? I encourage you to find someone who can walk you through the process and help you heal when your heart is hurting.

    You can do it because the Bible promises that you can do all things through Christ who gives you strength (Phillipians 4:13).

    Let me know if there is a way that I can help!

    Erin
    Alice17
    To Haribozz
    on Thursday, March 31, 2011 at 12:03 am
    I just wanted to let you know that I'm praying for you.
    Erin Davis
    Valerie
    on Thursday, March 31, 2011 at 3:26 pm
    It sounds to me like you already know these behaviors aren't okay because you only do them when adults aren't around.

    My best suggestion would be to re-evaluate your friendships. If you are consistently spending time with people who don't value God's standards you will loose control of yourself.

    1 Corinthians 15:33 says, "Do not be misled: “Bad company corrupts good character.”

    You can't spend the majority of your time with people who aren't seeking to live like Jesus and not have it rub off.

    Do you have some Christian friends you can make an effort to spend more time with? If not, is there a Christian organization on campus or a youth group you can make an effort to get involved with.

    It takes effort (and guts) to change friends, but if you don't you are setting your feet on a path that leads to destruction (Psalm 1:6).

    Erin
    Marcy B
    Erin Davis
    on Thursday, March 31, 2011 at 8:29 pm
    thanks for the encouragement even though it's hard to hear sometimes. Yes, I do have two close friends who are living for the Lord. I guess it's time to start hanging out with different ppl:) Thank-you so much for everything. I can't even describe how loved I feel just from knowing someone cares.

    -me
    Serra
    To: Marcy B
    on Monday, April 4, 2011 at 9:48 am
    i will be praying for you !!!
    Marcy B
    Serra
    on Wednesday, April 6, 2011 at 5:27 pm
    Thank you so much. I appreciate that. It's so cool how ppl i dont even know are praying for me. thats sweet

    -me
    Unknown
    Help!!!
    on Sunday, April 10, 2011 at 1:05 am
    I'm so tangled up right now.... I'm a 13 year old girl and I don't know what to do right now, im so leading two different lifestyles right now and I can't stop it, im still a virgin, but I'm barely hanging on... Make out with random different guys all of the time like it's nothing, also I've done handjobs on a few guys and am always veryyy touchy and all up on them but never sex or oral sex but trust me I would so do anything like that if I could be alone with a guy I thought was hott. I have a very strong Christian family that has absolutely no clue about my crazy party sexual life and I don't know where to go. I go to church every Sunday and wenesday and worship God and sing , but I just have this hunger for the parties, lights, clubs, sex, guys, getting high, drunkenness, bad behavior.. Etc. And I just really like that feeling and it feels great. It seems like I've already tried to get back with God and be a good christian girl like I was but it's not working out for me.. One of my biggest problems is how bad I want to have sex, it seems so great, but I just know that God tells me everyday to stop and like I get this feeling from God that my punishment will be sevire but I don't know how it will turn out so I'm on the edge. At this point, I feel like I'm addicted. It seems like non of my friends are living the right way, exept the ones at church but I'm not good friends with them because I feel un accepted and I get extremly nervous and shy, but I can't get away from them. I'm such a hippocrate! Will God forgive me if I have sex? Will I have to be punished? What will happen? Please help asap! Thank you so much! -Unknown
    God'sDyingDaughter
    this is soooooo fo me...
    on Wednesday, April 13, 2011 at 11:50 am
    i am soooooooooooooo living a double life! i am 16 and i have been living this life of secrets since i was 12!! i am the perfect image of the beautiful godly christian girl who is on fire for God when i am with my family and with all the sweetn old people at our amall dear church (which i love!!!) but when i am with my friends and my secret boyfriend... i am horrible!!! i swear and tlk about the most un christian and risquae things u can imagine. i tell and laugh at dirty jokes and i really dont think that if faced with the option of giving up my most treased and holy gift (purity) that i would find it so easy to say yes... :'( i love Jesus with all of my heart but i cant't seem to live my life in such a way that shows that! it makes me sooooo sad and depresssed, b/c i know i am dissapointing and huting the ONE who gave His very life for me and rose to give me a hope and a future. why then can i not seem to surrender everything to him??? i kills me when i pray to Him b/c i know i'm saved and that I have a home in heavan and that He still loves me in spight of how i am failing Him every second i breathe but i still spit in His face even though i am a child of His. i am literally crying as i right this b/c i am sooooo tired of faling Him. i lie aaaallllll the time about everything!! i have a fantastic relationship with my daddy but my mom and my's relationship is awful... help me girls!! :'(
    love u all!! so much!
    God's Dying daughter
    Erin Davis
    Unknown
    on Monday, April 25, 2011 at 8:27 pm
    It is clear to me that the Enemy is lying to you.

    Why is it so clear to me? Because I know the devastation that lies ahead of you if you continue to give in to the temptation to sin.

    Romans 6:16 warns, "Do you not know that if you present yourselves to anyone as obedient slaves, you are slaves of the one whom you obey, either of sin, which leads to death, or of obedience, which leads to righteousness?"

    This verse makes it clear. If you willingly continue to sin, you will become a slave to your sin. You are already experiencing that to some degree as you feel chained to your choices. And what is the end result of that sin? Death. God's Word says it and I have seen it lived out in many, many lives.

    Will you face consequences if you have sex. You bet. The list of potential consequences is huge. Not the least of which is what will happen to your heart. Sex glues you to your partner. There is no such thing as "just sex." There is a chemical change that happens in your brain that bonds you to that partner for life. If you hook up with a random guy who you will not marry, you will endure intense emotional pain. There will also likely be a lot of other painful physical, emotional, relational and spiritual consequences.

    But...you already know all of that. If you live in a Christian home and attend a Bible believing church, you've heard about the power of sin. But you are choosing to believe that you can sin and not get hurt. It doesn't work that way.

    I want to strongly urge you to tell someone about the path you are on. Confess your sin. Ask for help and let them hold you accountable. If you don't turn away from your sin and toward God's ways, you will find yourself on a path that leads to death.

    Who can you tell?

    Erin
    Erin Davis
    God's Dying Daughter
    on Wednesday, April 27, 2011 at 5:25 pm
    To put it bluntly, you are sinning and sin always has disastrous consequences. What should you do?

    1. Confess your sin to your family. James 5:16 says, "Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person has great power as it is working."

    You need to bring into the light what you've been hiding in the darkness so that sin can loose it's grip on you.

    2. Find new friends. In Matthew 18:18 Jesus says, "And if your hand or your foot causes you to sin, cut it off and throw it away. It is better for you to enter life crippled or lame than with two hands or two feet to be thrown into the eternal fire."

    In other words, get rid of whatever is causing you to sin. In this case it is your friends and your secret boyfriend. They may be important to you, but they aren't the ones who will face the punishment for your sin.

    3. Do the hard work of examining your heart. I don't think it is possible that you love Jesus with your whole heart and willingly choose to sin.

    1 John 3:6 says, "No one who lives in him keeps on sinning. No one who continues to sin has either seen him or known him."

    Get honest about your own heart and who you really serve...my guess is that there are some serious idols in your life.

    I know that saying no from sin is hard, especially when you have allowed sin to weave a web around your heart and life, but the Bible is very clear...sin always leads to death (Romans 6:16).

    Choosing to follow Christ isn't easy, but it leads to life. The path you are on, sweet girl, leads to death.

    Who can you tell today about your double life?

    Erin
    Anita
    Oh Wow
    on Thursday, April 28, 2011 at 11:32 pm
    There are a lot of people with double lives. The evidence is right here on this blog...
    I have to admit I live a double life too sometimes. At times, I feel like a failure for being a hypocrite cause I keep doing the wrong thing over and over again. I just try and cover it up. I can't ignore this anymore...
    God's Dying Daughter
    THANK YOU ERIN!!!!!!!!!!!!! :')
    on Thursday, May 5, 2011 at 12:54 pm
    Hi Erin...
    i can't even tell you how much seeing your post helped me. the second I saw it i burst into tears. what you said is what i have been needing to hear for sooooooooooooooooooooooo long. i took all of the advice you said to heart... a teacher at my school who is on fire for God has been having devotions with a group of girls at my school and she has been saying how REPENTENCE is not just a confession, it's an action. I have to change my ways in order to change myself and my heart and my lifestyle. I have to do a literal 180 degree turn around. but the thing is... that's the hard part. knowing I have to change is far dfifferent than actually doing it. *sigh* again i am crying as i right this just because it is sooooo amazing to know that someone cares about the state of life i am living in. i know that my family and friends and pastor and youth pastor and most of the people in my life love me and THEY care about me but it's soooo hard to tell them about this because they think something far different of me than what i actually am. *crying* i really really really am trying to die to myself and am trying to stop trying through my own strenghth because i cnt do it... only Christ can. hopefully by the end of this week... i will be changed... please please please keep praying for me and i need all the advive you can pour out. I love you Erin and thank you!!
    God's Dying Daughter
    God's Dying Daughter
    Erin... again
    on Thursday, May 5, 2011 at 1:08 pm
    it's me again Erin... i just have to say onme more thing that i forgot in my last post. your right... i do have some serious idols in my life... and 1 John 3:6 seriously cut my heart. that is EXACTLY what i needed to hear!!! i am putting that verse as well as all the others you gave me everywhere i can. my locker, my bathroom mirror, my fridge, my car, EVERYWHERE! this is so i cannot escape from the Holy Spiret's CONVICTION. I WANT TO BE CONVICTED!!! Also, there is good news on the story of my secret boyfriend. He is no longer in my life. after much prayer and help and strngth from My Savior, i broke up with him. I know i really should've taken a break from the dating scene at the moment but i had been praying and sharing my heart with this really godly guy at my church. He has been there for me through alot of hard times in my life and he is my best friend. he has been giving me the same advice you gave me and now... it all technicality of the phrase... we are togerther. but not really. we are close close close friends and we both love each other but that is all it is. we are both praying and seeking god's will on this move in both of our lives but i really feel like i need this. i confessed my secret life to him and hopefully i will tell my parents very soon... what do you think of this new peice of the horrible tangly sin web aroung my broken life? please keep praying for this broken daughter of the King.
    God's Dying Daughter
    Erin Davis
    God's Dying Daughter
    on Thursday, May 5, 2011 at 2:40 pm
    I am proud of you for doing the hard work to rid your life of sin. No one said it would be easy, but the alternative is death. You have chosen life.

    You're right. I wouldn't have advised you to jump into another romantic relationship, especially if this is against your parent's rules. But I think it is okay to press into the Body of Christ and lean heavily on your Christian friends as you work to live an authentic life for Jesus.

    What do you think about telling your parents on Monday. You and I could both spend the weekend praying about it and I could recruit some others to pray. And then...you could commit to telling them on Monday.

    Sound like a plan?

    Erin
    God's Dying Daughter
    THANK YOU ERIN! That's a PERFECT plan!!
    on Friday, May 6, 2011 at 8:30 am
    Oh Erin! that sounds wonderful! i would appreciate that sooooooooo much!! I will be praying nonstop and you can have as many people as you can pray too... this is going to be such a hard thing to do but i know i have to do it. everything and every part of satan's side of my double life keeps sreaming at me, " Don't you know your parents will cry and that you're going to hurt them so deeply? why put them through that if they don't know?" this is what i have listened to all my life since i was twelve and the secrets have just built and kept on growing and have gotten steadily worse. the only way i will ever be able to do this is by peing bathed in prayer by the body of Christ. i am praying for strength mercy and forgivness from my merciful Savior but i'll never make it through this without prayer. thank you a milion times over Erin. I love you. and this one thought keeps bringing tears to my eyes... one day... i will be able to hug you and thank you in person for the way you have helped me. you have helped my change my broken life through the power of prayer and our mighty God. this day... is in Heaven, at the feet of our Shepherd. :') thank you Erin... hope to hear from you again... i really do wnt to keep in touch with you for accountability. it will be so easy to fall right back into my secret life... i have a 2 dear friends of mine wo will be holding me accountable also... pray for them as well (Lexie, and Alyssa)
    God's Dying Daughter
    God's Dying Daughter
    Hey Erin... just wanna tell you this
    on Friday, May 6, 2011 at 8:58 am
    Hi Erin
    i just felt led to tell you this... you can pray more specificaly now.
    My name is Hannah. =/
    Erin Davis
    Hannah
    on Friday, May 6, 2011 at 9:15 am
    We will be praying for you!

    Erin
    Jessieluvsmeat
    Re:
    on Thursday, June 2, 2011 at 11:30 am
    I was living a double life until a couple days ago at 2:46a.m. I know, its early but i couldnt go to sleep that night knowing what i was doing. THANK YOU GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    Jessie
    Hannah
    on Thursday, June 2, 2011 at 11:38 am
    I had a secret boyfriend and was talking the same way you were, probably even worse. i was l,istening to the wrong music, hanging around the wrong peeps, saying and doing horrible things. i will pray for you and please talk to your parents if you can. they will help. i talked to my mom and she helped alot. im only 13 and a half but maybe this advice will work for you!!! I will be prayin!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    sarah
    Re:
    on Friday, June 3, 2011 at 10:53 pm
    I know I live a double life. But, how do I put on a brave face and act happy around the few friends I have, when most of the time I am in a hospital somewhere near my house? I know that I really lead a second life around my friends. Erin, what should I do?
    Carrie, with the LYWB team
    Sarah
    on Tuesday, June 14, 2011 at 2:40 pm
    Sarah,

    I’m so sorry you’re battling physical issues that cause you to be hospitalized frequently. I can only imagine how challenging that is for you.

    Though it may not be necessary for you to share your illness with everyone would you be able to share honestly with one or two of your close friends? A shared burden is always lighter. And a good friend not only laughs with you but shares your tears and sorrows as well.

    Praying for you today, Sarah!

    Carrie
    Lana
    RE: God's Dying Daughter/ Hannah
    on Sunday, June 26, 2011 at 11:13 pm
    Oh Hannah...First, i am praying for you! I am praying that you will make the right decisions. i know its not always the easy route, but ultimately its the best! Every action we make either pleases the Lord or breaks His heart. as we continue in our sin we think it doesnt really matter..."ill eventually change; what does it matter now?"...we feed ourselves lies! one day we will stand before our King, Heavenly Father, Jehovah, and He will point out every mistake we have made. "why did you choose that?" only then will we regret all of those wrong decisions that we made! Sometimes it takes the lives of others to show us the path we are on and point us in the right direction. its hard to share such things with others, trust me, i know...but ultimately it could be the best decision youll ever make!!! i am sure you have so many people in your life who care for you...(i think u even said that :P)...i think they would care enough to help you get back on your feet, not watch you continue to fall! Think about every person in your life you are close to...i believe they would desire to help you! we so often take for granted those friends weve know for the longest time...if you have godly, christian friends cling to them! im sure they have issues too you wouldnt even know about! Girl! i know its hard...but i want to encourage you to take a step of faith...you are still young, but are quickly becoming a woman. Dont jump into a relationship too soon if you know there are issues. ALWAYS follow the Lord, even when its the most unpopular decision! The Lord has a plan for your life! Dont allow things of this world to stop you from finding His perfect will! Im praying for you girl! Dont give up!

    ~Love in Christ
    undecided
    torn
    on Saturday, August 20, 2011 at 9:53 pm
    I want to please God, I really do! But when I get on the computer I watch shows and listen to music that isn't bad or anything but I haven't asked my parents about. We don't have a television because ours broke. I lie about it and I spend hours on the PC. My parents have no idea that their is a war raging inside me. I am afraid to tell my parents because I know that they will feel hurt. I just lied to my mom about writing this post! How can God forgive me is I keep sinning? I know I have to cut off the internet, but it's really hard. I pray about it but then my mind wanders to the last Wizards of Waverly Place episode I watched. What do I do?
    Bekah
    Re:undecided
    on Monday, August 22, 2011 at 1:30 pm
    I know its hard, but what you need to do is run from the temptations that are in your way...dont allow yourself to spend time on the computer. If its in your room, get it out! Do whatever you need to to not allow it to conform your christian walk in an ungodly way. But here is the most important part!! You CANNOT do this by yourself in your own flesh! You HAVE to ask God for help, and He will!! GOd is waiting for you to come to Him and seek repentance...and He will forgive you! After seeking the Lord, it might be best to talk with your parenst also! If they are christians I know their desire is to most likely help you in your walk and whatever way they can! I hope this helps! Love you, girl and I am praying for you!
    Lorree, with the LYWB team
    re: Undecided
    on Monday, August 22, 2011 at 4:26 pm
    You need to be honest with your parents about your struggle and your need for their help and accountability. One lie will always lead to another, friend. Get honest with your parents. Ask them if it would be okay to move your computer into an open area where you will be less likely to watch what you aren’t supposed to be watching. Give them your passwords and permission to check your computer history at any time. By putting these protective hedges around you, it brings your lie out into the open. Once your sin is exposed, it is less likely to have the power over you that it does while it is hidden. Your parents may be hurt, friend, but they will also be very thankful for your honesty, your transparency and for the opportunity to help you in this area. You will be more at peace knowing you are being obedient to your parents.

    God will never stop forgiving you! When Jesus died on the cross for your sins, he died for all your sins – past, present and future. While it grieves the Lord to see us sinning repeatedly, He is waiting to pour out His grace and power in order to prove Himself strong in our areas of weakness. Cry out to Him for help, friend! He will forgive you (1 Jn. 1:9) and give you a way out of the temptation (1 Cor. 10:12-13). Get honest with your family about your struggles. God has placed them in your life for your support. They love you and want to help you.

    Praying for you,
    Lorree
    violet
    Double Life
    on Sunday, October 16, 2011 at 2:01 pm
    So I know this comment is little late but I just started reading this blog recently and so I was going through old posts and saw this one. Before I begin I will admit that I struggle a lot with Christianity and religion as a whole. I grew up in a Christian household and live a double life of being the perfect daughter and the perfect christian girl and then outside of home/church I act in a way totally different. I have done and still do everything imaginable I smoke, drink, swear have given up my purity and I feel very little guilt for all of it. My parents know about some of my 'actions' but not everything and I think it would kill them if they found out. Several years ago I got sick of living with this double standard and decided that Christianity was too much work. Since that time I still go to Church but in my heart I do not consider myself a Christian. So that might lead you to ask why I am on this website then... and to be perfectly honest I don't know... I stumbled upon it several days ago and have been reading it ever since.

    I am not sure what I am looking for or why I posted, but that is my story. I have enjoyed reading and thinking about your blogs.

    thank you
    Carrie, with the LYWB team
    Violet
    on Monday, October 17, 2011 at 4:30 pm
    Thanks for being honest. We’re glad you’re here. Eternity is a very long time, my friend. Where you are in your relationship with Jesus is vital!

    If you get a chance you might check out this site: ( http://www.christianityexplored.org/what-is-christianity).

    Praying for you today.

    Carrie
    Katherine
    Re: Keep going!
    on Tuesday, July 9, 2013 at 7:44 pm
    I recently underwent this. I am at an internship program where we are not allowed to do certain things (smoke cigarettes, drink, have a boyfriend, listen to secular music, etc.) And yes I did all of those things. I am a fairly new Christian. I came to know the Lord through a program called Teen Challenge. I used to be on a lot of drugs fought with my mother physically all the time, dealt with a lot of depression and suicidal issues. I had an eating disorder and the list goes on and on. Sitting in lock-up one time when I was fifteen, I was told that I would be going to a fifteen month rehab center called Teen Challenge. So I went and through out this program I came to know the Lord. But getting out of this program was HARD. I underwent a lot of temptations and trails, and most of the time... I failed. For the past nine months I have been living in darkness. It was the little compromises that got me. I could no longer do it. I came to the light about EVERYTHING. And I know that the sin living inside me screamed for me to stop. It HURTS killing the sin that is legit living inside me, but the peace that I feel and the presence of Jesus is so much greater than these things. I found people to keep me accountable and I am currently reading an in depth study of Romans. It is going good. I still sin and fall short... but I bring those things to the light. It is embarrassing, humiliating, and ugly... but it is so worth it.
    Lorree, with the LYWB team
    @ Katherine
    on Wednesday, July 10, 2013 at 2:31 pm
    I am so encouraged by your testimony, Katherine! Bringing our sin into the light is the true way to find the freedom that only Jesus gives. Keep turning to Jesus and staying in the Word. It will keep you anchored to the heart of God! Praising the Lord for what He is doing in your heart and your life, Katherine!
    Heather
    Really?
    on Monday, June 16, 2014 at 7:17 am
    I am not a christian, i dont believe there is some all mighty man watching over me and planning out my future. None of you people seem to realise how hurtful some of the crap you're spreading really is. Everyone leads a seperate life as they grow up. They want to be a child to their parents and an adult in the world. Maybe if there weren't so many judmental people like all of you, they'd feel more comfortable about being who they really are. Whether someone is gay, bi, black, white, straight, happy, depressed. Whatever it is that makes them feel different, they're not the ones to blame for feeling scared to come out, its their parents.
    Sarah, with the LYWB team
    @Heather...
    on Wednesday, June 18, 2014 at 7:28 am
    Sorry this is so hurtful for you. We are indeed a Christian site like you are aware, and we do use the Bible as our guide. We don't force our message on anyone or ever intend to hurt others; we just offer it as a way of hope. And many find that hope through this gospel of grace found in Jesus Christ. God bless you, Heather.

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