Comments

HEY, GIRLS! We love hearing from you, but feel limited in the ways we can help. For one thing, we’re not trained counselors. If you’re seeking counsel, we encourage you to talk to your pastor or a godly woman in your life as they’ll know more details and can provide you with ongoing accountability and help. Also, the following comments do not necessarily reflect the views of Revive Our Hearts. We reserve the right to remove comments which might be unhelpful, unsuitable, or inappropriate.

Stephanie
True.....
on Wednesday, April 27, 2011 at 1:20 am
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That is soo true....I find my bff & I talk more about guys than Jesus. That's a problem.
Lydia
Thank you !
on Wednesday, April 27, 2011 at 1:26 am
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"God created us to be drawn to the opposite sex, and marriage is an incredible covenant designed for our holiness and God's glory. But the catechism does not say that the chief end of man is marriage. It says that our goal should be to glorify God and enjoy Him forever—and yet we often operate exactly as if the former were true."

I really needed to hear this. This is exactly what my problem is. I going to stop focusing on guys and focus more on God from now on.
Olivia
Re:
on Wednesday, April 27, 2011 at 7:02 am
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Do you and your girlfriends tend to focus more on Jesus or guys in your conversation?
Yes, I think we do. We are always picking out witch guys are cute and which are not.

Why shouldn't marriage and guys dominate our thoughts?
Boys should not dominate our thoughts because it can become an idol. And, the more we think about them, we soon think it's okay to have a serious relationship.

What are you looking forward to most in the future? Why?
I'm looking forward to meeting Mr. Right, the man who God has chosen for me. I know he will be more than I can imagine.

What specific changes would please God most in your thought life and conversation patterns?
I think we should stop talking about our boy "problems" and start to share our struggles in faith with each other. We should encourage each other and direct in the path of straightness.

Thanks for the thoughts!
Olivia
Liz
relationships
on Wednesday, April 27, 2011 at 7:35 am
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hey!yeah this post got me thinking(about God!) in fact, my problem isnt so much focusing on guys. its more like work's predominantly on my mind! its either studying for a test, getting good grades, feeling stressed, finding fault with the education system, been there done that. maybe you could talk about that and how to balance academics with God eg should my head be filled with quotes of a literature book or God?
Natalie
Ouch.
on Wednesday, April 27, 2011 at 8:20 am
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This really hit me hard. It's difficult even in church if you're crushing on somebody there, to even pay attention to worshipping God. UGH! It's frustrating!

Do you and your girlfriendes tend to focus more on Jesus or guys in yor conversation? I think so. Actually, I'd say they're about equal, but still, we should definitely be talking about Him a lot more than boys.

What are you looking forward to most in the future? Youth group actually. Although I'm starting to wonder about my motives for that. :D

What specific changes would please God most in your thought life and conversation? Probably memorizing more Scripture so it is easier to meditate on the Lord.
Alyssa
Re:
on Wednesday, April 27, 2011 at 8:31 am
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So true!! I really need to focus more on Christ than the thoughts of other things not related to Him.
Sarah
Re:
on Wednesday, April 27, 2011 at 8:47 am
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Wow, this is just what I needed to here this morning. Its amazing how God's timing works :)
Janelle
Hard
on Wednesday, April 27, 2011 at 9:52 am
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It's hard not to think about stuff like this. I know I do all the time. I go to a small church where all the guys and myself are really close friends I wonder what God had instore for me, is there a guy for me? Will he love me for me even though i am not skinny mini ! Does he love the Lord as much as I do. It is truely hard!
Sarah
Getting control of our thoughts
on Wednesday, April 27, 2011 at 12:15 pm
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I am a single mother to a beautiful 17 month old daughter. I have recently (like, within the last 2 weeks!) come to a place with God where I feel He is telling me that I need to be content being single instead of longing for a husband. This is extremely difficult because I not only long for a husband for companionship and love, but also to be a loving father to my daughter and to help me with her as well.
My thoughts are the biggest area I need to get control of in this subject. After a rough night with my daughter, like these past 2 days when she has been sick, I find myself thinking "if only I had a husband to hold me and comfort me during times like these". I know these thoughts are completely natural, but I also know that Jesus wants us to lean on Him alone for comfort.
I have been spending more time reading my Bible, so that I will spend less time thinking about men. If I fill all my spare time with Jesus, then my thoughts will be filled with Him as well!
Annamarie
Re:
on Wednesday, April 27, 2011 at 1:27 pm
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Wow, what a great post Lindsey! I can't wait till part 2, this is just what I needed!
:D
Vic
Ques
on Wednesday, April 27, 2011 at 3:37 pm
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Are we allowed to print off or copy the post to share with friends at church..
Erin Davis
Vic
on Wednesday, April 27, 2011 at 3:41 pm
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Sure...we love for you to share LYWB.com with friends!

Erin
JaimeC13
Timing
on Wednesday, April 27, 2011 at 4:24 pm
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I often let these emails pile up in my inbox so I can "read them later." Sometimes, though, the subject catches my eye so I'll take a few extra minutes to read the post. The content is often directly relevant to my life at the exact moment I decide to read it.

I stopped believing in coincidences a long time ago. Alright, God, I get the hint. Thanks for answering my prayers.
Sarah lizz
Helpful hint
on Wednesday, April 27, 2011 at 4:35 pm
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I love what you wrote! I have been working on this a lot since the fall when I got out of a very unGodly relationship. I struggled so much with not calling myself stupid and with letting God take control and show me His love. But then a friend suggested that I find Bible verses that speak to me and my situation. After finding those verses, I wrote them on pieces of paper and now I use them as my bookmarks. Everytime I pick up my current book, I read those verses and think of how much God truely loves me. Not only have these verses helped me, but my friends would be curious and read them. Now they have found their own verses to write on their bookmarkets.

Hope this may be a way to remind yourself everyday of God's awesome Love!!
His gal
wondering...
on Wednesday, April 27, 2011 at 5:31 pm
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My friends and I don't talk about guys a whole lot, but we also don't talk about Jesus a whole lot. How can I start deep conversations about Jesus-- without seeming like I'm trying to be a goody-two-shoes?

And also... when my friends DO start talking about guys (like some of them do a lot) ... how can I kindly let them know I'd rather focus on something else?
liza
Re:
on Wednesday, April 27, 2011 at 6:20 pm
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i canot stop thinkng about guys an whats more i do not even really wat to stop thinking about guys...i get lot of attention from guys and i love it and crave it like everthing... sumtimes when i dont get atention i get depressed...this has goten so bad i dont kow wat to do.....
Tara A.
Guys: Pain or Gain?
on Wednesday, April 27, 2011 at 7:38 pm
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Sometimes I can't get guys off my mind and sometimes I feel as if that's all I want to get RID OF in my mind....yeah kind of confusing. I can talk to Jesus, but how is it that we can't talk to guys? I'm pretty sure God designed us to be that way. :)
Jazzy101girl
Re:
on Wednesday, April 27, 2011 at 8:40 pm
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This hit me hard too!!:) I was reading about this and I was like wow! This is so me! This sentence: When more conversations with our girlfriends slope toward guys than toward Christ, what does that say about what we value more?

This one question gave me a lot to think about!! I started to really think about what I valued more God or guys in general.

I could relate to that. Like I've got to take a step back and really think about what's really important because in the end God knows what the out come will be in who we'll marry and how He will write our love story. All He asks us to do is trust Him through waiting and focus on Him.

I wonder if God causes us to wait longer when our focus isn't on Him but instead on guys? Just curious.

Thank you!!:) Blessings!!;)
Ayana
Re:
on Wednesday, April 27, 2011 at 11:05 pm
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WOW...that really hits home...
summergirl¢¾
Re:
on Thursday, April 28, 2011 at 12:14 am
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Do I talk alot about guys? No, not at all. I think when you get in your 20's its alot harder to get crushes...
What am I looking forward to most in the future? I'm waiting and waiting and waiting to get a life with friends and stuff, so that I can help people and feel like there is a reason for me to be living. My teacher just told me today that I need to connect more with people. Thats the last thing I needed to hear cuz that's actually the only thing that every makes me depressed. I dont know why I cant make friends, I try really hard.
Does anybody have any tips on how to make friends pleasssssee? i dont know what to do anymore. I was raised to have no friends and sometimes it makes me a little bitter that I have to deal with this now and my Dad still thinks he raised me the best way ever. But I dont want to make my parents mistakes an excuse. ughhh, it make me so miserable sometimes
liz
re: liza
on Thursday, April 28, 2011 at 9:13 am
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hey there:> trust me i've been in that situation before. 2 years ago, i got really close to this guy in church and after about a year of NON STOP texting, he confessed and said he liked me and wanted to date me. however, i didnt feel that i was ready for the relationship and that he was the right guy for me so i said no and we kinda stopped being frens. after that, i kinda craved the attention i had and i was rlly bummed when i found out that he had a gf last year. i used to get alot of attention too but i guess we have to really plead with God for help that he'll open up our hearts and rid them of anything that displeases him. i've also found that treating guys as friends and not 'bf material' helps alot.theres nothing wrong having guy friends!just make sure you're not befriending them just so that u can date them.God bless!
Libs
My answers:
on Thursday, April 28, 2011 at 11:35 am
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I simply took the questions at the end, and wrote out my honest, immediate answers.
* Do you and your girlfriends tend to focus more on Jesus or guys in your conversation? Often times, yes.
* Why shouldn't marriage and guys dominate our thoughts? Because the ultimate relationship in life is the one we ought to be sharing with Jesus Christ and God the Father.
* What are you looking forward to most in the future? Beholding Christ's glory and singing in praise and worship at His feet. Why? Because HE is ALL... He is perfect. Because of Who He is I will be only satisfied in Him!
* What specific changes would please God most in your thought life and conversation patterns? Thoughts centered around loving Him. I often think of my boyfriend first and run to him rather quickly when I feel like I need someone. God is not pleased with that. Although it may be well and good for me to go to be with my boyfriend in times of need... The thing is - he will not be able to fully comfort me and help me the same way the all-powerful Word of God and Holy Spirit will. My salvation is found in Christ - not my boyfriend. It is easier to run to the 'tangible' but the 'tangible boyfriend' is fragile - just as much as we are. But God is a solid rock, immovable, ready and waiting to blow us away with what He is about to do. Without trusting God - I will not have trust in human relationships (esp. the one with my boyfriend.) It may be fine for me to want a relationship with my boyfriend, but desiring God, seeking Him, and discovering Him will be so much more rewarding for abundant life now and for eternity!
Annamarie
Re: Stephanie
on Thursday, April 28, 2011 at 6:25 pm
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Same thing with me and my bff....
Faith
re: Summer girl - making friends
on Friday, April 29, 2011 at 8:04 am
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The most important thing about making friends is that you love your neighbor as yourself. Show an interest in people! Find common interests and hobbies and talk about those. Find activities you can do together and bond over. Making a really, true friend doesn't happen overnight, but if you're willing to reach out to people in Christ's love, I know that God blesses that. :) Hope this helps! :D
Chloe
My Prince Charming
on Friday, April 29, 2011 at 5:56 pm
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I don't know if any of you grew up the same way that I did, but when I was about five or six years old, I started dreaming of my prince charming. You know how it is, we watch the Disney fairytales and all of the sudden we're convinced that our life will turn out that way. Then, as we get older, our thoughts about guys and relationships broaden a little bit more. We begin to form our standards of the guys we would like to spend the rest of our lives with. I remember when I was in middle school my friends and I would sit and talk about what we want to name our kids when we grow up, and how many we would like to have, and where we would live and all of that silly middle schooler stuff. But I've discovered that now we're in high school it's more serious, it's not a fantasy anymore. Couples are having kids and planning weddings meant to take place as soon as senior year is over. When we date, it's becoming more crucial that we pick a guy who meets our standards, especially as the relationships between couples are growing more intense. I'm not saying that in a preverted way or anything like that, I'm saying that some relationships are starting to last longer. I heard at a youth camp once that it's better to form relationships in highschool and in the beginning of college, and then if it's God's will, those relationships may become bigger, giving a better marriage, if it does come. I still haven't decided how long I want to date, I mean, it's really hard not to date. I committed to not until my junior year, but I'm not sure if I can do that. And if I can't, is it really such a bad thing, as long as the guy's a Christian and meets my standards? Anybody's thoughts would help.
summergirl¢¾
to Faith
on Saturday, April 30, 2011 at 7:18 pm
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Good points, Faith:)
I do try to help people but it seems like they just go to me when they have a problem or are depressed, and then when they happy and popular again they forget that I still exist. but I guess I just have to be patient..
Mackenzie
Awesome!
on Saturday, April 30, 2011 at 8:26 pm
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This is a really awesome and interesting post! Thank you, Lindsey!!! :)
McKenzie
Great Post
on Monday, May 2, 2011 at 3:22 pm
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Do you and your girlfriends tend to focus more on Jesus or guys in your conversation?

Way yes! Not that we are constantly talking about guys but I have to say we talk more about them than our Savior and King. : (

Thanks for this post really thought provoking can't wait for the next one!
kia
???
on Monday, May 2, 2011 at 4:55 pm
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How do you know that what whever it is that it is what Gid wants?
Kane
Q&A
on Wednesday, May 4, 2011 at 9:37 pm
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Q:Do you and your girlfriends tend to focus more on Jesus or guys in your conversation?
A:No, honestly the few girls I do hangout with know that guys don't aren't a top conversation topic. Don't get me wrong, we all have seasons in our life where we talk about guys more, yet the amount spoken about guys never outweighs the amount spoken about Christ.

Q:Why shouldn't marriage and guys dominate our thoughts?
A:No. Yet marriage does seems to take control of my thoughts when I contemplate my future....It's a very hard struggle, but I have to find my peace of mind at the feet of Jesus.


Q:What are you looking forward to most in the future? Why?
A:Truthfully, I am most looking forward to finding my husband, and starting a family. I've always strongly desired a husband and family. I look forward to finding my husband and getting married because I am excited to find my spiritual partner: to be in yoke with another being, to grow and produce with someone. I look forward to a family because I would love to have the opportunity to unconditional love someone, and I want to have the chance to give my child all the things I never had. Yet overall, I look forward to finding my husband and starting a family because it's a very special time in life, and I believe the Lord ordained it that way.



Q:What specific changes would please God most in your thought life and conversation patterns?
A:God is always looking at all aspects of my life, changing me for the good. As of now, he is helping me worry less, and trust him more. He is also teaching me to be strong and driven, yet still patient and enduring, all without complaining. These are the patterns he's changing within me.
Water
Re:
on Thursday, May 5, 2011 at 5:53 pm
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I only have a few friends (girls). I don't know them to well either so when they start talking about guys I usually step out. More because I'm not comfortable talking about guys (my parents brought me up differently).

But I do think about how I would like The One to be like.

I'm a writer too so, or at leased I try to be.
So I'm trying to write a book, but instead of being about what I want it to be it turns out the main character is a self insert and the person she falls in love with is my version of Mr. Right.

So it's just me fantasizing again. I really want to stop. It's like an addiction. Well I don't know if that's what it feels like, 'cause I've never had an addiction before. Except with candy. That's what it feels like.

You're eating candy till you're mouth is sore but no matter how hard you try you just can't stop.
Maybe a reading a book is a better analogy.
You're reading from morning till evening all day and you want to put the book down, but you can't (mostly because I've got nothing else to do).

Maybe turning my thoughts toward another passion of mine will help.
I have three great things I love to think about.

Guys, God, and Adventure.

Actually I love talking to God, not just thinking about Him.

And since I can't really talk about guys to anyone I end up writing about them.
This drives me crazy because it ruins every story I try to write.

I don't want to write about guys. I want to write about God (and adventure). But I find I can't. It's sooo frustrating.
Help!!!

I know God wants me stop. I'm praying.

And I ask for anyone else's prayers too.

Thanks.
After God's Own Heart
Re: Sarah
on Friday, May 6, 2011 at 10:04 pm
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I'll be praying for you, Sarah!
mary
reply to summergirl¢¾
on Monday, May 16, 2011 at 8:19 pm
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you are not the only one i promise i went 19 yrs without friends .. prayer .. prayer ...prayer. "ask and you will receive, seek and you will find." put yourself in a place you could make friends, a christian atmosphere, a church group, sunday school volunteering etc. .. pray for God to bring you someone and be willing to open up to new situations and people
..i had a different situation .. im severely deformed have been since birth. i never thought anyone would be willing to look past my outer appearance, and my slight "foot in mouth disease"(i embbarass myself and others sometimes.. unintentionally ...sorta :P hehe), but i kept praying and God was faithful and now i have an abundance of friends who are sweet and caring and dont care what i look like or that i seriously need to work on controlling what i say:/. They love me anyway i still cant understand it ... my point ... PRAY!!! ..i promise dont give up on it ..it could take years months but God is faithful and in HIS time..not yours if HE wants you to have friends which im sure He does .. (We were made with the intent on being in relationships ..its in our nature) i hope this encourages you :)
Kate
Friends
on Wednesday, May 25, 2011 at 7:04 pm
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It seems like all my friends want to talk about is guys. They always ask me everytime I hang out with my bf what we did. I say nothing and I don't plan on it and little bit of info if you do something with ur bf it should be between just u and him not all your friends because when your relationship ends your friends will just bring it up and cause alot of pain and most of the time when you look back on that you will c what a big mistake it was and trust me you won't want 2 have all your friends say oh remeber when u did that with so and so trust me you don't from experience its a bad thing to do.
Bri
So true!
on Saturday, July 16, 2011 at 4:08 pm
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Oh my goodness, I was just thinking about this! It seems like every time my friends and I get together, or in most of our emails, we have something to say about guys. And it's been starting to get on my nerves. I feel like God's maybe been convicting me a little bit. Yesterday I was hanging out with a friend, watching a softball game. I noticed she was staring at something other than the game, and it was a group of guys with their shirts off. She said something about how cute they were, and that's when I started thinking about how boy-crazy my friends are. I really want to have more godly conversations with my friends, but I don't always know how to start them. I mean, it's one thing to email them asking them how I can pray. It's another thing when they're in the middle of a conversation about boys, and I want to stop it.
Carrie, with the LYWB team
Bri
on Saturday, July 16, 2011 at 8:44 pm
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Hey, Bri,

I’m thrilled you want to begin having more meaningful conversation with your friends! Paula has posted two very helpful blogs on “question asking” Conversation 101 and Conversation 201. She also posted
Ten Questions for the New Year that could be tweaked for other conversations as well.

That should help you get started, Bri! Praying tonight you’ll be amazed at the doors of conversation that are opened to you in the next months.

Grace and peace,
Carrie
Carrie, with the LYWB team
Bri
on Saturday, July 16, 2011 at 8:46 pm
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Here are the links:

http://www.truewoman.com/?id=747 http://www.truewoman.com/?id=748
http://www.reviveourhearts.com/pdf/uploads/TenQuestionsNewYear.pdf.
carrotcake
Answer to Qs 3&4
on Tuesday, November 13, 2012 at 4:06 pm
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-What I'm looking forward to in the future is something to look forward to every day:going out into the world and being the absolute best I can be by trying to live the way God wants me to live.
-I think that reaching out more to others will be a good way to please God. The more time I am willing to make for people other than myself, the less time in the day there will be to obsess over guys and relationships.