Loving—Then Hating—That Guy

posted by Paula Hendricks on 05/26/11 | Twitter: @PaulaWrites678
Category: Relationships; ; 65 comments

Have you ever found yourself hating the very guy you were obsessed with just a couple weeks before? I have. When I was a teen, the only way I knew to stop liking a guy was to start hating him.

I do not recommend that tactic now, and thankfully God has shown me a better way. But I still occasionally find myself thinking angry thoughts toward guys who let me down.

In fact, I’ve been noticing it a lot lately. Over the past year, a guy has shown me extra attention with occasional calls, texts, and invites to coffee—with looooong periods of silence in waiting

between. It’s felt like one eMoTiOnAl RoLlEr CoAsTeR. And I admit that sometimes I catch myself getting angry at him and having “tell-him-like-it-is conversations” in my head.

What’s this all about?! How can I go from liking this guy to not minding if I never see him again? I found the answer in the book of James recently:

What causes fights and quarrels among you? Don’t they come from your desires that battle within you? You desire but do not have, so you kill. You covet but you cannot get what you want, so you quarrel and fight (James 4:1–2).

According to God’s Word, the issue is that I want something so bad (covet it) that when I don’t get it, I fight, quarrel, and kill (even if just in my thoughts).

So whenever I catch myself doing this, I start praying for this guy. I pray that God will lead him and guide him in his decisions. I pray God will prepare him to love and cherish his future wife. I ask God to prepare me to love one man for life, even when he acts like a pill. Then I start to pray for my friends who are married—that God would help them forgive and love each other well.

Because that’s what God tells us to do. Bring our petitions to Him rather than trying to work things out on our own. Petition Him not for our own pleasure, but for His glory:

You do not have because you do not ask God. When you ask, you do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, that you may spend what you get on your pleasures (James 4:2–3).

Have you been hating that guy in your life too? If so, I encourage you to pray for him. It’s pretty hard to stay mad at someone you’re asking God to bless!

Comments

HEY, GIRLS! We love hearing from you, but feel limited in the ways we can help. For one thing, we’re not trained counselors. If you’re seeking counsel, we encourage you to talk to your pastor or a godly woman in your life as they’ll know more details and can provide you with ongoing accountability and help. Also, the following comments do not necessarily reflect the views of Revive Our Hearts. We reserve the right to remove comments which might be unhelpful, unsuitable, or inappropriate.

Chloe

I Agree
on Thursday, May 26, 2011 at 4:30 pm

I haven't ever had an experience where I became really close to a guy and then he abandon me, but I have had a similar one. Last year, I had made a new friend and before long, we grew really close. I told her all of my secrets and she told me quite a few of hers too, it was like we were best friends, although neither of us verbally said it. Anyways, just this year we decided that we couldn't be friends anymore, and it hurt. I got angry with her because I thought that we stopped being friends for all the wrong reasons, I didn't think that there was really anything wrong with our friendship that we couldn't fix. And then a few weeks later I started praying for her, even though she is an atheist. And since then it has helped so much, because I no longer feel as hurt as I used too. So if it helped me in a former friendship, I'm sure that it would help girls with their crushes or boyfriends too,

Jacquelyn

????
on Thursday, May 26, 2011 at 4:33 pm

I really like this guy and I've known him since kindergarten. His Facebook profile says Christian, but he cusses, flips people off, and cheats at school. My friend heard a conversation between him and one of his friends asking who they would date in our class. When they got to my name he said no. Every love song I ear reminds me of him and I think about him constantly. What should I do? I want advice from Christian girls. Thanks!!!!

Jessi

Re:
on Thursday, May 26, 2011 at 6:32 pm

Thank you so much for this post! I've been having a "thing" for this one guy for a while now.... and it turns out he was actually quite interested in getting to know me better (would've been my first boyfriend! 99% of girls my age have already had a boyfriend so it's a bigger thing cause I'm older) Anyway, getting off track. He became........ not as suitable. My friend was the one who recommended me in the first place, before he changed. I know I shouldn't be mad at her cause she didn't know he would become different, and he's being stupid. Thank you so much for this post, it was a great reminder to pray for them!!!

Ashley

Re:
on Thursday, May 26, 2011 at 7:10 pm

This was EXACTLY what I needed to read! I have been having this issue for a bit and wasn't sure what to do about it! Thanks so much for the practicle advice. Very wise indeed :)

Krlosier

Re:
on Thursday, May 26, 2011 at 9:36 pm

Wow! I thought I was the only one who did this! I never really realized it was all my fault though...I never could really figure out why it happened. Thanks for this...God knew I needed to hear it even if I didn't!

Angie

Thank you
on Thursday, May 26, 2011 at 9:49 pm

Oh how I have been needing to hear this :) Thank you so much for the post, it was very encouraging to me :)

I<3relient k

Those lovely love/hate relationships
on Thursday, May 26, 2011 at 10:16 pm

I had a friend when I was young who was pure in heart and a great guy. Now that we are older, he is not the same. He is one of those guys that thinks he is in love with every girl he passes in the hallway. I have been praying for him to go back to the way he was before. I can't help but nearly cry when I count the girlfriends he has had, the times he flirts and the number of girls hanging off his arm. Seeing him like this really makes me reconsider my friendship with him. I don't want to lose him as a friend though. I'm not so sure what to do without giving the feeling that I still have feelings for him. I love him as a crush, love him like a brother but hate him for some of the completely idiotic choices he makes. I have been praying all year with seemingly no results. I am at a loss for my next decision. Anyone would you PLEASE help me!

Rita

Loving-Then Hating-That Guy
on Friday, May 27, 2011 at 2:07 am

Hello there,

Thank you for this post. It's made realise what I should be doing and where I have been wrong. I prayed to God to help me do what you have said and written. Inside of me I could feel a part didn't want to but I walk by faith not how I feel. I believe there is a reason for me reading this. I'm grateful God has showed me this. Thank you so much.

Thanks, Rita (:))

Anon

Thanks
on Friday, May 27, 2011 at 8:44 am

Thank you, Paula, for the post. It was quite timely for me. I've not gotten to the point of hating the guy but have struggled to not speak badly of him. He's made mistakes and I pray very often that God will help him to come back around, not to me, but to God.

Elaina

Hmm...
on Friday, May 27, 2011 at 9:19 am

There was this one guy that would say really nice things to me through email, but when we met in person for the first time in a few years, he was kind of casual, and I got the feeling he didn't "like" me. I was disgusted with him (for other reasons), I don't know if I hated him, but I was kinda dissapointed. I never thought about the future implications anger at a guy can have. Thanks for the reminder Paula!!!

anonymous girly girl

re
on Friday, May 27, 2011 at 1:16 pm

this hit home hard. ok so there's this guy and he's pretty popular in my school and he's sorta kinda cute in a way. well anyways he flirts a lot and started showing me a lot of attention and i never even considered liking him up to then and every1 was like "o he totally likes you bla bla bla..." so he essentially got me to start liking him. we would txt allll tthhee tiiimeee and he gave me a nickname and all this well then out of nowhere he asks out another girl. nobody expected him too. apparently he just wanted to be "just good friends" with me but he wasnt giving off that impression and let's just say the girl he asked out isnt the nicest sweetest girl ever. so yea i was obsessed and then i was hurt and mad and felt like i totally got played :( so we're still friends but it was hard for me to ever stay mad because he's on of those charmers. ugghh anyways i love the point you brought up from a totally biblical standpoint on this issue. i think im getting over him now ;)

Faith

Thank You :)
on Friday, May 27, 2011 at 3:31 pm

I actually did have this problem of hating this guy that I like ... and it's a very awesome idea to start praying for him instead of hating him :)

Robin

so needed
on Friday, May 27, 2011 at 5:56 pm

This is one of the most needed topics for young ladies today. Thanks for posting. The love-hate relationship should also remind us that we are to love as God loves us. Thankfully, God doesn't love us one minute and hate us the next when we do something that He hates. Remembering how Godpatiently loves us should also help us to be patient and pray for others.

i_am_what_i've_overcome

Re:
on Friday, May 27, 2011 at 7:29 pm

Wow! I have never thought of praying for that guy that you like then dislike later. i seem to be getting into that pattern myself lately. Please pray for me in that area. Thanks again for this post!
You are beautiful!

Re:
on Friday, May 27, 2011 at 10:02 pm

I agree that we should pray for our guy friends whom we like, then disappoint us. Sometimes it is the only thing that has kept me in a spirit of love. It works in girl friendships, too. Sometimes we see fruit, and other times we don't. But loving God requires that we love our brothers and sisters, too. When you feel like you can't love others, think of it as an opportunity to love Jesus, keeping your eyes focused on Him.

Alice17

Good Post
on Saturday, May 28, 2011 at 12:21 am

This is something that I used to struggle with. About a month and a half ago, my boyfriend walked away because he saw some issues in my life that he thought I needed to deal with. He was right, but at the time I was really made at him. Because he hurt me, I was like "Well, I don't need you." I did let go of that anger, this post was a good reminder not to be at him.

I <3relient k

Jacquelyn
on Saturday, May 28, 2011 at 2:11 am

I understand where you are coming from. The friend I mentioned before is tue exact same way. I got over him by saying out loud or writing down that don't have feelings for him anymore. Unfortuneatly, this is where things get interesting with the Devil. He tempts you every way possible. If this guy's character does not show Christian signs, I suggest you find someone else. I hate guys that say they are Christians but really aren't. If they really love God, you can see the difference. I hope this helped!

Kayla

Thank you!
on Saturday, May 28, 2011 at 6:03 pm

Wow, I never really realized why I was getting so angry at the guys I liked, or the girls they flirted and hung out with. A couple of years ago, me and this one guy liked each other. I guess I never realized that he also liked ALOT of other girls. I had feelings of hurt and betrayal towards him and the other girls he liked.I then prayed for him, and asked God for forgiveness for my bitter feelings. Thank you Paula for writing this, I've often forgotten to pray in these types of situations!

Anonymous

inconsistency
on Saturday, May 28, 2011 at 8:53 pm

i know the feeling. A guy I know has been pretty flirty with me at times and then other times acted really weird around me. It confuses me... I don't know if he knows the Lord- so I have been praying for him. Thanks for the post!

Sarah

Head over heels...
on Saturday, May 28, 2011 at 9:22 pm

Reliant K...You are doing the right thing by praying for your friend. You must remember that when you pray for him, it never brings “no results.” God always works in response to prayer. He is working even if your friend is not making the best choices.

Remember also, God made your friend to think like a “guy”, and part of maturing in relationships is coming to understand the difference in infatuation and a deeper relationship. Infatuation is characterized by being “head over heels” with everyone you meet. Many guys, and girls, go through this stage. Give him opportunity to mature. Keep him as your friend, be kind, and always point him to Christ in your conversations.

Sarah

Re:
on Saturday, May 28, 2011 at 10:12 pm

Jacquelyn,

I know you would like this guy to like you since you really like him, but the Bible says, “Bad company ruins good morals.” (1 Cor. 15:33) You don’t want to give your heart to a boy whose life doesn’t honor God.

When you think of this guy, quickly turn your thoughts to say “Thank You” to God that you don’t have the opportunity to be with him—what a temptation that would be! Then do as Paula said above, begin praying for him. Pray that he will come to understand what it means to live as a Christ follower.

sam

Cool!
on Saturday, May 28, 2011 at 10:28 pm

I really liked this post it helped me so much thx!! =)

abbey

Re:Jacquelyn
on Saturday, May 28, 2011 at 11:15 pm

dear jacquelyn, let me just say i have been goin through this in these past months. and God hs been showing me true colors of the guy i liked. . he was horribly mean to my friends and even some of the stuff you said. So all i have to say is. . .would you be happy if you dated him? would your guys relationship bring God honor? ask your self questions like these, they really help. Also like she said, pray for this guy. Obviously he is dishonoring God in his actions and words. and that is not a good influence on non -belivers. Just make sure you also ask God for wisdom with dealing with this boy :)

your sis in christ
abbey :D

Kelsey

Re:
on Sunday, May 29, 2011 at 12:54 am

Thanks Paula,
I really needed this. This happens a lot. And I knew hating wasn't right but it was so hard to get over the feeling of being, well.. crushed. Praying about it really helps, I pray that God would help him with discerning what paths to take and with his pride problem.. hehe.
-Kelseeey

summergirl¢¾

Re:
on Sunday, May 29, 2011 at 2:50 pm

Paula, I'm 22 and I've been having pretty much the same thing going on with me. Wow, I never thought of that before, praying for the guy that is messing you up. I did pray that I could just be friends with him and not have any feeling for him anymore. And I'm so happy to say God answered me prayer cuz now we're just friends and I dont mind one bit it he doenst call or text me for long periods of time. I just feel so free right now:D He calls himself a christian and not that I want to judge him but he doenst really act like a christian at all. He's very loose with girls and goes to nightclubs and watched questionable movies, so for awhile I felt bitter, but now I sometimes get frustrated but most of the time I just dont expect anything from him anymore. I dont think I want to start praying for him, because then I might start getting feelings for him again. Does that make sense? Should I still pray for him? sometimes I will pray one sentece, please make him become a christian , cause I feel like its my duty...but try not to get too much into it cuz I just dont want to think about him anymore

Kristin

Patience...
on Sunday, May 29, 2011 at 3:42 pm

I could so relate to this post! Especially when you mentioned a guy who'd pursued you and been nice, and then there'd be a long period of silence where he doesn't seem to care if you're dead or alive. I've been there so much this year. I've always felt like guys should initiate and pursue in relationships, and sometimes that works so well! There's a guy I have a crush on, and sometimes it can seem like he wants nothing more than to be with be, but then at other times he acts like it doesn't even matter to him that I exist. It's such a rollercoaster! But then they can be inconsistent, and be busy with school or other friends or something and it's maddening because I don't know what I did wrong, or what changed, or why I'm not as desirable to him somehow as I once was. It's so hard to be patient and wait for the Lord's timing when things seem so uncertain and confusing...

Elaina

To Jackylyne (did I spell that right?)
on Sunday, May 29, 2011 at 9:03 pm

Poor you!!! I can totally identify with having a serious crush on this one guy. Just today, a guy who had asked for my phone number last Thursday (I said no) moved on to my sister and left her his number. It totally hurt me. Now I wasn't obsessed with this guy or anything, but I have been kind of in the past, though I don't know if I have to the point you've got it! My advice to you is to move on from him. I know that sounds hard, because it is, but he's no good for you. As teens, we're not ready for romantic relationships, and this guy doesn't sound like a keeper at all! He may be one of those people who are Christian in name only, and you deserve and should be striving for something better. You can pray for this guy, but I would do my best to move on from him, you deserve better!!!
Does this help at all, or am I just blowing hot air around on the internet? (:

Hanna W:)

Modesty
on Sunday, May 29, 2011 at 9:07 pm

Umm hello everyone! I have a question about modesty here! Well i am going swim suit shopping soon because of the beautiful summer weather that is bound to come some time;)
Anyway, I was just wondering...I know God has a policy on modesty, and when swim suit shopping, what should I have in mind?
Thank you--Hanna W:)

Elaina

to I <3 relient k
on Sunday, May 29, 2011 at 9:09 pm

I like Relient K too!! And I feel for you girlfriend!!! That sounds totally tough. But I think you are on the right track, just be his friend and a shining example of purity to him. Sometimes we don't think people can see our light, but that's just what we think, we don't really know. Keep praying for him, that's the best thing that you can do for him. And try to realize that you deserve someone better in life than someone who gives his heart to any girl. You've got your heart saved for one guy and one guy only. And keep praying for him!!
I'll be praying for you!! And don't forget God is madly in love with you!

I<3relientk

Elaina
on Monday, May 30, 2011 at 1:26 pm

Thanks so much for helping me. You are so right, I don't think anyone sees our light sometimes. It is so hard to stay strong in purity sometimes. He once read "I Kissed Dating Goodbye" and told me he had decided to stop dating but then hugged a girl when he thought I wasn't looking. That one special guy that you mentioned seems to just be in our imaginations sometimes. Thanks for reassuring me that there really is a nice Christian guy out there, somewhere.

anon

Re: Hanna W:)
on Monday, May 30, 2011 at 4:29 pm

Heyyy girl! :) Let's see if I can help you out. :)

Well I think that when people think of a modest swimsuit they automatically think a one piece. I, however, do not agree. Think about it: while, yes, they cover certain body parts, they are very clingy. So how is that modest? Exactly - it's not.

Of course a bikini isn't modest either because while it's not covering your torso.

So let me suggest to you a tankini, BUT with some rules:

1. The top should cover you. It shouldn't be showing a ton of cleavage. Try to find one that goes across at the top instead of goes down in a V.
2. The top shouldn't be accentuating your every curve. Try not to get it extremely tight - however, it IS a swimsuit so it has to fit or it'll fall down! So basically, try to get a top that's not too big, and not too tight, either. But remember, it *is* a swimsuit, so depending on what you can find, you may end up with one that's a little clingier than ideal.
3. For the bottoms, they make bottoms that have ruffles on them like really small mini skirts. Those work well.

I based what I told you above on what my own swimsuit for this year is like. Here are pics of it:

Top - http://i1081.photobucket.com/albums/j357/sparkleecerulean/tankinitop.jpg

Bottom - http://i1081.photobucket.com/albums/j357/sparkleecerulean/tankinibottom.jpg

(I layed them on my little sister's bedspread when I took the pics, in case you were wondering. XD)

NOTE THIS! It's important! - The top and bottom of my swimsuit did not come together, I had to mix and match. :) You may have to do that, too.

Hope this helps! Happy shopping! :)

Elaina

I<3relientk
on Monday, May 30, 2011 at 8:02 pm

I'm glad I could help, it's God, not me!! It's encouraging to get the feedback, thanks!!!! Keep fighting the good fight!!

Paula Hendricks

To Summergirl
on Tuesday, May 31, 2011 at 9:44 am

I understand. I'd say when you catch yourself thinking about him, turn those thoughts into prayers for him. But, if you never think about him, then . . . great!

Paula Hendricks

To Hannah
on Tuesday, May 31, 2011 at 9:48 am

Great question, Hannah!

Check out question six in this article by Nancy (the co-author of "Lies Young Women Believe"). It will give you something to think about:
http://www.reviveourhearts.com/topics/downloads/index.php?id=10874

It took me a while, but I found a super cute one-piece suit. I looked in the women's section, and got a size that sounds way too big for me, but fits perfectly. Hope your shopping trip is successful!

I<3relientk

Elaina
on Wednesday, June 1, 2011 at 12:34 am

Your words have helped me in ways none will ever know. I wish you the best of luck in your own fight for purity. The advice I get from this blog, Elain especially, is better than what my mom gives me sometimes. Thank God everyday that this blog exists and has such helpful followers. Everyone is part of a small sisterhood. I love all you sisters in Christ.

I>3relientk

Head over heels-Sarah
on Wednesday, June 1, 2011 at 12:39 am

I know guys think like guys but why? I know none of us girls have the answer buri was just curious. Thanks for helping me be so patient with my friend. I would be so lost without you!

Heather (Svan)

Re:
on Wednesday, June 1, 2011 at 12:32 pm

@anon: Those are really cute! I especially love the top. I think what I'm gonna do this summer is wear a top like yours with a regular bikini or boy-short bottom and wear one of those wrap skirts around it (the kind you tie to the side) when I'm not in the water.

Hanna W:)

Thanks!
on Thursday, June 2, 2011 at 8:50 am

Hey thanks Paula and anon for your responses! :) I will try to find a good, modest swim suit!

anon

Re: Heather + Hanna W:)
on Thursday, June 2, 2011 at 8:02 pm

@Heather - Thanks! Your idea sounds cute + good. :)

@Hanna W:) - You are very welcome. :) Hope you can find a good one!

Vic

...
on Thursday, June 2, 2011 at 8:45 pm

This is so good! It is so important. I had the same problem and that is how I fixed it. Also, if you're having trouble with hating someone in any relationship that is the best way to fix it.

Sarah, with the LYWB Team

Head over heels
on Thursday, June 2, 2011 at 11:01 pm

Guys think like guys because it was God’s purpose. Scripture says God created them “male and female” by design. God made guys to think differently so they fulfill the purposes He has for them.

Guys and girls mature at different rates. Guys come at relationships with a different perspective than girls do. Girls were created to be in relationship (Gen. 2:18, 20-23), so we generally more readily go deeper in relationships than guys do.

So glad you have found patience with your friend!

Jess

Thank You
on Friday, June 3, 2011 at 12:10 am

First of all thank you thank you thank you to everyone for your advice and everything on this page! Recently I've been having problems with a friend who is actually kind of more than a friend. We do everything and more than a couple should do and I go back and forth with guilt on how to handle the situation. We fight and stop talking, then I get lonely and give in and end up right back where I started.
I've realized that the piont in separating myself from someone who is not a good influence isn't about FEELING better, it's about doing what's right, what's spiritually healthy and what will bring God glory in the end. So now, when the times come when I feel hopelessly lost without his company, I will pray for him and thank God for giving me the bravery to remove him from my life.

Talia

I'm New Here
on Friday, June 3, 2011 at 7:05 pm

Hey there,
I'm new here, and I just read this post and really like it. A couple of friends told me about this blog, and so far I really really like it. These devos are cool. Thanks for doing what God wants you to do, and talk to you later!!!
Talia ô

Becca

Re:
on Saturday, June 4, 2011 at 10:29 pm

Ohh my goodness yes!!!! I feel like I was dating this guy because I would talk to him like constantly for about 2 or 3 weeks. It feels like a break - up because we don't really talk now........I WON"T do that again!! I am WAY to young to date !!!!!
Becca

Dana

Re:
on Wednesday, June 8, 2011 at 8:09 am

Wow! Thank you for this wonderful message.It really helped me a lot to move on! I once had a crush on a guy, seriously I'm pretty obsessed with him until one day I found out he likes another girl, that hurts me a lot. I shed tears for this guy then my love for him turned into hatred. How cruel am I to him. But thanks God 'coz He used you to reveal His message for me. Now, I'll pray for this guy and I can say I already moved on.

tomboycuelgrl

check it out
on Thursday, June 9, 2011 at 5:06 pm

hey grls plz go to the blog "what advice would you give to a girl with a broken heart'' what i posted there definately relates to this blog and i would luv to get some advice.in that blog my name is hellen. thnx,your friend,tomboycuelgrl or hellen.

Hoops

Lost
on Tuesday, June 14, 2011 at 12:38 pm

So this guy im dating makes me feel like im invisable or that he doesnt care i know he might care or see me but he doesnt show it. also he tells me about other girls like super stars and how hot they are and when other girls fell his stomach its benn 6 months now and its my first relationship i dont know what to do.

Sarah, with the LYWB Team

Lost
on Tuesday, June 14, 2011 at 9:40 pm

Hoops…you are dating a boy that doesn’t put you first. You don’t want to be in a relationship like that. I encourage you to read Lies Young Women Believe and take to heart the section about dating.

In the meantime, decide that you won’t go out with anyone that doesn’t treat you in a respectful manner and speak to you with godly conversation. (Not talking to you and/or talking to you about other girls is disrespectful behavior!)

Carrie, with the LYWB team

tomboycuelgrl
on Wednesday, June 15, 2011 at 3:37 pm

Tomboycuelgrl,

God sometimes uses our emotions as a “mirror” to show us what’s really in our heart. Proverbs 23:7 says, “As a man thinks in his heart so is he”.

When our thoughts are filled with jealousy, anger and hatred toward another person it’s a warning signs that our “thinking” isn’t lined up with God’s truth. “Whenever people are jealous or selfish, they cause trouble and do all sorts of cruel things. But the wisdom that comes from above leads us to be pure, friendly, gentle, sensible, kind, helpful, genuine, and sincere ( James 3:16-17).”

Focusing our time and energy on thoughts that make us angry, jealous or hateful affects our relationship with God and with others (Colossians 3:12-15). So the key to feeling and acting differently is to ask God to help you think differently…based on His truth.

Here are a few questions and Scriptures that may help you get started on your journey of “right thinking”, friend.

• How do I believe God feels/thinks about me? (Rom. 5:8; Zeph. 3:17; Ephesians 1)
• How much do I believe God cares about the details of my life… like who I marry etc.? ( Luke 12:6-7).
• What am I afraid God might not give me? (Jeremiah 29:11-13).

AshleyR

Jacquelyn
on Thursday, July 21, 2011 at 10:46 pm

Oh my gosh Jacquelyn. I just went through this EXACT same thing, It really sucks, but you need to remember God did not create you to date a guy that is abviously not a Christian, no matter what his facebook profile says. Its really hard to get over them, and like someone else said, thank God that he won't go out with you. It may seem sad now...well, i know it does...haha but later you'll look back and realize that he could have sucked you into doing bad things just like him. I'll be praying for you!

Josie

WOW.
on Friday, July 29, 2011 at 9:28 pm

Thank you so much for posting this! I have been wondering why all the sudden I have begun to LOATHE my exboyfriend. Now everything makes sense. He dumped me (THROUGH TEXT MESSAGE) after a week of ignoring me, and it took me forever to get over him. Then, i eventually thought I had, but after awhile, everytime someone mentions him, or I see him, I have bad thoughts towards him and I feel like I hate him. I was talking about it to my best friend, but we didn't really have an answer as to why.
Thank you so much. I will try and pray for him from now on...

countryGIRL

(no sub.)
on Tuesday, August 9, 2011 at 6:07 pm

i went through something like this a little while ago. i would say recent, but it's been maybe 2 months? idk, but here's the story:

i started dating a guy who was nothing like the type i wanted, i dont even know why i said yes when he asked me out, but we were just starting to get a bit more serious when i read an email from my best friend saying that my ex asked her if 'she like liked him.' when i read those words i just got sooooo mad!!!!
then after i confronted him about it, he denied it. he said that my bff made it all up, blah blah blah.

then, all of a sudden, he just stopped talking to me. we would barely look at me. it was like he was afraid of me or something crazy like that. then, my bff told me that my ex asked her if she liked him AGAIN! then i told her that i was done with all the lies (he had lied to me a lot), i couldnt take it anymore. i decided to break up with him. i sent him an email saying that i really needed to talk to him IN PERSON, and then he said 'no u dont. just say it here.' i told him to wait until i saw him again and then he guessed it all and said 'u wanna break up with me? why?' man, i coulda hit my head on the desk when he said that. i told him to wait again, and he didnt listen and went into this big huge frenzy and told me that he was gonna break up with me anyway cuz (get this..) 'i didnt care about the relationship.' thats when i just blew up. im not gonna say what i said, cuz i barely remember, but i know i said some stuff i shouldnt have.

then after that we broke up, and i hated him. then after a while he told me that he still had feelings for me. he wanted to get back together with me after all the trouble and hurt he put me through. of course, i said no. then he kept on asking and asking and asking. then the last time, which was a few weeks ago, i blew up again. i was telling him to lay off, leave me alone, stop asking, all of that. he never asked after that

if ur wondering if i still hate him, yes i still kinda do cuz he keeps trying to give me signals. i dont think i can get over the hatred or not

Sarah, with the LYWB team

countryGIRL
on Monday, August 15, 2011 at 6:05 pm

You have the answer, countryGIRL—stay out of this relationship. A godly relationship edifies both the guy and the girl (Rom. 14:19; 1 Thes. 5:11), and that is certainly not true of this relationship.

Talk to a wise adult—tell her your feelings, pray with her and ask God to give you the right heart about this guy. Look to the future, seeking relationships that bring grace and peace to your life. (By the way, feelings in relationships are very intense. Believe me, they don’t stay at that same intensity forever. There will be a point where you are able to forgive.)

countryGIRL

RE:
on Monday, August 15, 2011 at 7:44 pm

the day we got together, something told me that i shouldnt be with this guy or my heart would get broken. and it did happen...

i talked to my best friend about it and she is an extremely great listener. she's helped me a lot. i dont hate my ex as much as i used to, but im staying very clear of him for now. =)

Tomgirl

freakin me out!!!
on Monday, September 5, 2011 at 6:17 pm

So theres this guy i know and is a BIG perv!!! one of my GF is totally boy crazy over him! i dont think shed approve of all the things id have to say obout him but i want to protect her from being hurt, but at the same time,is that my place? would she take it wrong? so many questions and know answeres. Please Help!!! luv ya, Tomgirl

Last Edit: on Wednesday, October 5, 2011 at 10:07am by cgaul

Carrie, with the LYWB team

Tomgirl
on Wednesday, September 7, 2011 at 4:28 pm

Dear Tomgirl,

I’m thankful for your concern for your friend, Tomgirl. Because one of our ground rules for the Blog is to protect the innocence of others I’ve not posted the details you shared in your comment, but did want to share some thoughts as you respond to the situation you mentioned.

Your greatest challenge may be in not allowing your concern to become gossip, Tomgirl. Gossip often involves exaggerated truths that are not known first hand, it brings division and conflict within relationships and most importantly, it grieves the heart of God that His people would destroy one another with their tongues. Gossip is no good! It causes hard feelings and comes between friends (Prov.16:28 CEV).

Sharing even the specifics you’ve written in your comment is not necessary for your friend to understand your concern, Tomgirl. Rather, ask the Lord to give you questions to discuss with your friend that will help her to establish personal convictions and guidelines related to the young men she will spend time with. Check out some of the previous posts related to guys and relationships for ideas to help your friend, Tomgirl! But commit today not to become a part of the problem by sharing inappropriate or unnecessary details with others.

Grace and peace,
Carrie

Last Edit: on Wednesday, September 7, 2011 at 4:28pm by cgaul

Anonymous

Re:
on Wednesday, September 7, 2011 at 4:41 pm

Thank u soo much for this :) it applies to me right now !! =] Praying for him instead of hating on him is muuuucchh better

Tricia

Re:
on Tuesday, October 4, 2011 at 8:19 pm

Hello everyone! I am new to this blog and so far it's been really stellar. :) I just wanted to reply to this specific discussion and say thank you for posting this, because it applies to me right now! I would also like to share that I believe the oppsite of love isn't hate, it's apathy.

Ps. I may feel dishearted at the moment, but it's beautiful knowing the simplicity that God is in control of choosing my future husband for me. :)

God bless you all ~

Sarah, with the LYWB team

Freakin you out
on Tuesday, October 11, 2011 at 6:09 pm

Tomgirl…
You want to be honest with your friend. If there is anything harmful that you need to share, do so with complete honesty. Make sure that you speak with words that describe accurately your caution. Speak only the things that you know to be true, not things that you have “heard.” A true friend will be glad to hear what you know to be true.

Tomgirl

thnx
on Monday, October 24, 2011 at 9:25 pm

hey guys, sorry for posting stuff that was innapropriot caus theres little kids on here,(YIKES! now that i think about it, that stuff really wasnt neccicary lol).And thnx so much for your advice i really admire you guys 4 keeping in touch whith this blog( and the rest of this website).And to tell you the truth,i dont think hes into her that much (anymore).Sooo im not sher its neccicary to confront her of his past,but i would ask for prayer for my friend to help her choose a man that really cares about her.i also ask prayer 4 him, that he would respect girls for who they are within not on the outward appearance and to keep his hands to himself.And i THANK YOU for confronting me on saying loads of gossip that wasnt neccicary lol.Anyways, God bless!!!!

Nichole N.

HELP!! AND CONFUSION
on Monday, November 7, 2011 at 7:00 pm

Hey Girls!
I am 18 years old and I dated a 14 year old behind my parents backs. They eventually found out .....im glad they did. I really liked him and the feelings havent gone away we started dating in March and then broke up in may. I broke up with him because he stopped talking to me after his sister went to school (his sister is my best friend a gift from God) and his parents started working alot. His whole family treats me like i am part of there family. But then he stopped talking to me. His sister and his mom are always telling me that he talks about me all the time and that he still really likes me. I believe them too because they have never lied to me and they never would. If you were to ever meet them you would understand what i am saying. I want to be able to talk to him but he never talks to me anymore yet i still like him.....he is a really really good kid he is just really shy. I just dont understand why he stopped talking to me. I mean he will say hi sometimes and then looks like he wants to say something and then walks away. He has a great heart and he loves the Lord. I just dont understand how someone who is like family stops talking to you. But will talk about you to his family and friends ( saying all good things) but not talk to me anymore. Can anyone help me understand this? His family and i are so close that people think that i am really part of there family. Please give me some advice. Also please pray for patience towards him.

Thanks,
Nichole N.

Carrie, with the LYWB team

re: Help! And Confusion
on Wednesday, November 9, 2011 at 11:32 am

Nichole N.

At 14 it’s possible your friend simply isn’t able to express his thoughts to you. He’s young, Nichole; give him some time and space to mature. If the Lord desires the two of you to be together He will make that clear when this young man is of a marriageable age. For now… enjoy the friendship the Lord’s given you with his family; work on restoring trust and building a good relationship with your parents and pray that this young man will become a mighty man of God who will one day be the leader in his family.

Nichole N.

HELP!! AND CONFUSION
on Wednesday, November 9, 2011 at 3:53 pm

Thanks. Its hard but I know I can do ALL things through Christ who gives me streanghth.

Nichole N.

Farah

Question
on Sunday, December 2, 2012 at 7:23 am

Thank you so much for this post. It really made me realize something I never thought of doing..praying for the guy.
But I have a question. I was really hurt by him. He said some cruel things like, "I'll find someone to make me happy."
how can I pray for someone who has said something like this to me? I'm trying not to be selfish and I am trying to pray for him but I don't know if I should after his words that hurt me. I helped him to quit drinking, smoking and clubbing yet he thinks we aren't healthy for each other. Honestly he wasn't healthy for me but I believe I was to him. He has stopped all of those things because I helped him.
What exactly should I pray for him for? If he finds a great woman, I fear he will then think to himself that he found someone better than myself. I'm trying not to be selfish and I am a religious person.

Lorree, with the LYWB team

@ Farah
on Monday, December 3, 2012 at 4:25 pm

I’m sorry, Farah, that your friend’s words have hurt you so deeply. It sounds like you helped him a lot in getting some things straightened out in his life. The first thing you need to do is to forgive him for his hurtful words. That will enable you to pray for him and ask God to continue to work in his life. Paula’s suggestions in the blog are great for you to pray:

• I pray that God will lead him and guide him in his decisions.
• I pray God will prepare him to love and cherish his future wife.
• I ask God to prepare me to love one man for life, even when he acts like a pill.

If your friend finds someone else, that means God has someone better for you. Wait on the Lord, Farah. And pray for your friend. Those are the right things to do. I’m praying for you!

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