The Bare Facts: Why Are God And the Bible So Negative About Sex?

posted by Erin Davis on 11/08/11 | Twitter: @ErinGraffiti
Category: Relationships; ; 38 comments

Yesterday we launched a series on the subject of sex. Our goal is to tackle your tough questions armed with God's Word!

legs over petalsOne question I've often wondered is, why is God so negative about sex? You wanna know the answer? He isn't! Here's what we wrote about this question in the book The Bare Facts:

As our culture increasingly promotes sex without boundaries, God's view of sex seems more and more radical. Since the culture's message is progressively pro-sex, many people interpret God's message about sexuality to be anti-sex. Nothing could be further from the truth.

When it comes to God's view of sex, many people, including Christians, have mistaken God's serious approach to the subject to be negativity toward the subject. God does take sex very seriously. But the picture He gives of sexuality is more intense, vibrant and well ... sexy ... than the view taught by the culture. In fact, sticking to God's plan for sexuality leads to sex that is far more fulfilling than the sexual experiences supported by the world.

How do we know that God is pro-sex? Because of the dynamic picture of sex He paints in His Word.

In Proverbs, the writer speaks about a physical encounter that is satisfying and intoxicating (Prov. 5:19). There's no anti-sex message here! But there's more.

The Song of Solomon is full of steamy descriptions of love scenes between a man and a woman. The book tells the story of two lovers totally immersed in satisfying each other. The lovemaking poetry is vivid and exciting, and God included it in His Holy Word.

In the New Testament, the apostle Paul recommends sex between married couples often. The clear message is that God created sex for our enjoyment and His glory.

In fact, there's not a single verse in the Bible that calls sex "sinful" or "dirty." The verses that are often quoted to paint sex in a negative light aren't about sex at all. They are about the misuse of sex outside of God's design.

God designed sex as a gift to be shared between a husband and a wife. As the original designer, God created the sexual experience to be the most exciting and satisfying. God's message about sex isn't, "Don't do it because it is sinful or wrong." His message is, "Wait—because sex according to this design is so wonderful it is worth protecting."

. . . God's plan for sex is clearly outlined in the Scriptures. He wants us to enjoy sex, but He asks us to wait until we are married. The world teaches that God's request to wait is proof that He wants to deny what's good for us. But nothing could be further from the truth.

. . . Psalm 31:19 says, "How abundant are the good things that you have stored up for those who fear you, that you bestow in the sight of all, on those who take refuge in you."

God's desire is to give us good things. The boundaries He places on sex are for our protection, not our deprivation. The world may see limits on sexuality as negative, but the opposite is true. God isn't against sex. He's so for it that He wants every man and woman to experience sex according to His original design.

If we choose to believe God when He promises He has good things in store for us. We can freely embrace His plan for sex knowing He desires us to experience sex at its best.  

I love answering this question because the clear answer is that God isn't negative about sex! Instead He wants us to stick to His plan so that we can experience the blessings He intended. What evidence can you find in God's Word to prove that God is pro-sex when we stick to His guidelines? Leave us a comment and tell us what you've found. Then be sure to check back next week as we tackle another question about this delicate subject using God's Word as our guide!

Comments

HEY, GIRLS! We love hearing from you, but feel limited in the ways we can help. For one thing, we’re not trained counselors. If you’re seeking counsel, we encourage you to talk to your pastor or a godly woman in your life as they’ll know more details and can provide you with ongoing accountability and help. Also, the following comments do not necessarily reflect the views of Revive Our Hearts. We reserve the right to remove comments which might be unhelpful, unsuitable, or inappropriate.

    Joy
    Re:
    on Tuesday, November 8, 2011 at 3:00 am
    So grateful to finally read a Christian's perspective on sex and purity that isn't so bent on countering the culture it completely misses the mark! Thank you for opening this subject up, and thank you for looking at it from a scriptural perspective.
    Marie Sumo
    God invented Sex
    on Tuesday, November 8, 2011 at 7:18 am
    God is pro-sec because of this verse in the Bible: Genesis 12:23_24 which says"This is now bone if my bones, and flesh of my flesh;.... For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh.. I found out that God wants us to be marry and then enjoy sex.
    Rebecca
    Re:
    on Tuesday, November 8, 2011 at 9:30 am
    1 Corinthians 7:1-7
    Now, getting down to the questions you asked in your letter to me. First, Is it a good thing to have sexual relations? Certainly—but only within a certain context. It's good for a man to have a wife, and for a woman to have a husband. Sexual drives are strong, but marriage is strong enough to contain them and provide for a balanced and fulfilling sexual life in a world of sexual disorder. The marriage bed must be a place of mutuality—the husband seeking to satisfy his wife, the wife seeking to satisfy her husband. Marriage is not a place to "stand up for your rights." Marriage is a decision to serve the other, whether in bed or out. Abstaining from sex is permissible for a period of time if you both agree to it, and if it's for the purposes of prayer and fasting—but only for such times. Then come back together again. Satan has an ingenious way of tempting us when we least expect it. I'm not, understand, commanding these periods of abstinence—only providing my best counsel if you should choose them. Sometimes I wish everyone were single like me—a simpler life in many ways! But celibacy is not for everyone any more than marriage is. God gives the gift of the single life to some, the gift of the married life to others.
    Kat
    Re:
    on Tuesday, November 8, 2011 at 10:56 am
    I am totally loving this. I have been on the "God-Made-Sex-To-Be-Enjoyed" bandwagon for as long as I finally figured out what it was! Of course there are boundaries! He wouldn't be a loving and heavenly father if there weren't boundaries.
    As usual, we humans decided we know better than God. In this world today, it is increasingly difficult to even see what a life of abstinence before marriage looks like because sexual relationships before marriage are EVERYWHERE! In shows, songs, books, facebooks--yikes! You can't escape it. So for young women, like myself and I'm sure others, I encourgae you to find girls like you who think that sex is a gift but one that should be enjoyed in the commitment of marriage. And, you know what, even if you're not a virgin, hear this--GOD LOVES YOU AND THERE IS NOTHING YOU CAN DO THAT WILL MAKE HIM TURN HIS BACK ON YOU!
    Ashley W.
    Great Post
    on Tuesday, November 8, 2011 at 11:15 am
    Thanks for this post this is so encouraging and speaks right to -point about the right kind of sex or the Godly reason for it.
    After Christians have this sex, God gives them a gift, a child, which further points toward how God does not look as sex as dirty but as an accomplishment in our christian life.
    Heather Sv.
    Re:
    on Tuesday, November 8, 2011 at 2:13 pm
    I don't have my Bible to flip through for verses, right now (I'm on campus). I just wanted to say that I hate it when Christians act like sex is something dirty and wrong. It totally turns of non-Christians to Christianity. God doesn't hate sex. He created it! It's only when we enjoy sex oustide of God's plan that it is sinful. But we don't have to walk around acting like prudes. It creates a bad image for our unsaved friends.

    Ps. And before I begin to feel like a hypocrite.. I used to pretend that sex is dirty and wrong in front of others, but that was not right of me. Part of it was I was badly informed, and the other part of me was proud. Now I know that I turned off a lot of people to Christianity, and next time I see those people, I'll have to undo the damage I did.
    Cc
    Great points Erin!
    on Tuesday, November 8, 2011 at 3:12 pm
    Thank you for this blog Erin!! I never thought of it that way. I find myself sometimes thinking that God is negative towards sex, I'm glad I'm being reminded of the truth!
    Gods Jewel
    :)
    on Tuesday, November 8, 2011 at 4:22 pm
    I agree completely with Kat.
    I cant wait to get married and enjoy the love and sex that God talks about with my husband.
    Thanks for this post..
    laci
    totally agree
    on Tuesday, November 8, 2011 at 10:17 pm
    I must say, I agree with this too, God did create sex, but only inside of marriage. If there's one thing I notice themost in my mom and step-dad is that they seem to fall in love more and more every day! They now have four kids 5 and under, and their true blessings in my life, but does anyone know this feeling? I am the oldest sibling and it feels like you don't get as much attention as the toddlers'? if so i'm not alone then. praying for yall. Laci
    laci
    1 more thing
    on Tuesday, November 8, 2011 at 10:19 pm
    i have to ask, when it shows the time this blog was sent why is it after midnight all the time? do yall even get any sleep? that was all. night girls
    laci
    PS
    on Tuesday, November 8, 2011 at 10:20 pm
    love the new pic!! ok going t bed now.
    Rebecca
    @Laci
    on Wednesday, November 9, 2011 at 11:07 am
    Yeah, I do. I'm 17 I have 4 younger siblings also 5, 3, almost 2 and one is due in January. I'm expected to pretty much take care of them and I do kind of get um, ignored, I guess. It kind of sucks but I don't really know what to do about it other than do what I'm expected and look forward to college. My dad got remarried when I was 7 and then they waited to have kids I moved in with them before they had the 5 year old and all the little kids are like "perfect" and if you've read the comments for any amount of time you'll know how "unperfect" I am soooo I would just say to help out as much as you can and sometimes you just need to ask to hang with your parents like yesterday I asked my stepmom if we could go out together sometime. It usually doesn't happen but when it does it's fun. :) I'll be praying for ya, and you are *definitely* not alone. :D love xxx
    Anonymous
    Question...
    on Wednesday, November 9, 2011 at 3:55 pm
    Why is anal sex bad when you're married?
    cupcake
    Thanks for this
    on Thursday, November 10, 2011 at 8:26 pm
    Thanks so much for this, this has really shed light on the whole situation, I picture God as being anti sex and not wanting us to enjoy anything . Also I have thought is to be really wrong but its not when it is done Gods way and he is not against it. This has really clarified a lot for me :):):)

    xxooxoxoxo
    Sarah, with the LYWB team
    Question from Anonymous
    on Friday, November 11, 2011 at 1:00 am
    The Bible does not specify which sexual acts between a husband and wife are acceptable. It does say, however, that a husband is to love his wife as "Christ loved the Church and gave Himself for her" (Eph. 5:25). Any sexual request that makes the spouse feel uncomfortable, asthetically displeasing, or painful would not reflect this kind of sacrificial love. A number of well known marriage counselors believe this activity eliminates the intimacy that God designed for the marriage relationship.
    Janine
    so true...
    on Friday, November 11, 2011 at 6:44 am
    maybe we should teach kids about sex in Biblical terms in age appropriate ways while making sure we do not encourage morbid curiosity... I know it's controversial but... if parents won't teach them the goodness of saving yourself for your future spouse and staying pure for God.... then who? Internet? Dirty-minded friends? TV? I dunno. What do you think?
    KingsDaughter
    agreed
    on Sunday, November 13, 2011 at 7:51 pm
    I think church show preach a lil more up sex in a positive way than negative. Cause time the bible ppl read is the what the pastor says. Is really only ppl who read the bible 4 themselves knows what the bible really says about those things. Thanks for doings this Erin and Donna i pray God continue to enlighting u with his word and make the path that u are on more successful and prosperous.
    laci
    @rebecca
    on Sunday, November 13, 2011 at 10:06 pm
    thanks for shouting out that your not alone girl, means a lot to me!!! do you ever wish you could just have all the attention you used to have before your dad got remarried? i don't but sometimes i wonder about it an then i realize how selfish i have become cuz then i realize then i would have NO siblings to hang out with thanks for your prayers,
    Laci
    laci
    @rebecca
    on Sunday, November 13, 2011 at 10:07 pm
    thanks for shouting out that your not alone girl, means a lot to me!!! do you ever wish you could just have all the attention you used to have before your dad got remarried? i don't but sometimes i wonder about it an then i realize how selfish i have become cuz then i realize then i would have NO siblings to hang out with thanks for your prayers,
    Laci
    Riah
    Wondrous!
    on Monday, November 14, 2011 at 6:35 pm
    This is a beautiful article. My friend told me to read it, and that it is very explanatory. It is! Please do pray for those who have lost their virginity though, for it is so rampant in our culture. You are all beautiful creations of the LORD! I love how Jesus so encourages us to wait for such a gift. Thank you Jesus!

    I have found how the media has adopted the lie that sex is a "whenever-you-want-to" pleasure. In songs I have listened to, sex is the underlying thread being, well, advertised.
    So Jesus please do protect us from evil and thank you for working out all thing for the good of those who love You and are called according to Your purpose (Romans 8:28). Keep these truths in our hearts, God!
    Rebecca
    laci
    on Tuesday, November 15, 2011 at 8:46 am
    Uhhm I didn't (and don't) get that much attention from my dad so not really. My parents split when I was 9 months old so I was immediately really affected by the break up but I had to start seeing my dad every summer since I was four. I lived in CO and he lives in VA. I only got 2 weeks with him because he was in the Navy and I spent the other 6 with my Grandma. My dad remarried when I was 7 and I was the flower girl for their wedding but I still didn't live with them. I moved in with my dad and stepmom when I was 9 but they were so focused on fixing all my bad behavior etc that there was not quite as much positive attention and aside from that he was really focused on building his business and work. So 5 years later they had their oldest and after every single one I kind of feel a little more pushed to the back and like I'm becoming more and more of a nanny! :p It's true though I do most of the necessities with the kids. Like baths, food, brushing teeth, changing diapers etc. And I understand the thought about being selfish too!! I'm praying for you! Just make sure you always love them and are the best example you can be and you'll do great!! Love ya girly. xxx
    laci
    rebecca
    on Tuesday, November 15, 2011 at 6:15 pm
    Hi Rebecca!!! i haven't had as much conflicts as u i suppose they (my parents) split when I was 2 and it was kinda nice because i get to see him every other weekend. However his girlfriend (who has been living together for 10 years now unmarried) and she does'nt treat me(or anyone with respect for that matter well i gotta go, love ya girlie!!
    Laci
    Last Edit: on Wednesday, November 16, 2011 at 6:52am by cgaul  
    Rebecca
    Laci
    on Wednesday, November 16, 2011 at 9:05 am
    Awe sorry to hear about your dad's gf. :( I hope everything works out great for you! That's cool that you get to see your dad on weekends. Something I totally would have envied when I was younger!!
    Brittany
    Re:
    on Wednesday, November 16, 2011 at 9:03 pm
    I fully understand this now! I had a boyfriend last year and I totally regret some of the stuff we did. I knew it was wrong and it shows how strong temptation can be. But I'm in the process of forgiving myself since I'm having a hard time doing that. I've repented thousands of times! This has definitely been a lesson learned!
    laci
    yeah
    on Friday, November 18, 2011 at 10:56 pm
    i agree!! i wish my dad he is a great guy but his gf has a daughter 2 yrs. older than m and talks trash about her all the time!! and gripes, and complains how he and i are the only one's that keep the house clean. i just pray that eventually after all my praying that i've done since i became a Christian will finally pay off... are your parents saved? cuz if they are you are most certainly blessed, and please pray for my family!!!
    Your in my prayers,
    Laci
    Lorree, with the LYWB team
    re: Laci
    on Tuesday, November 22, 2011 at 1:33 pm
    I have prayed for you today, friend! You are in a challenging situation, but not an impossible one! God is able to do far more abundantly than all that we ask or think (Eph. 3:20). He does not want any to perish (2 Pet. 3:9) and desires all to have eternal life. Do not fall into the sins of your dad, Laci! Choose not to speak badly of anyone (Eph. 3:29). You can deeply impact your family by choosing to build them up instead of tear them down with your words (Prov. 14:1). Continue to pray for your family. God is faithful (Lam. 3:21-25)! He will see you through! Stand strong, my friend!!!
    laci
    thank you Lorree
    on Sunday, November 27, 2011 at 9:28 pm
    thanks for opening up my eyes to becoming a more encouraging and loving daughter to my dad, i had a great weekend with him too, for Thanksgiving that is, i just hope it will last sorry it took me so long to reply as well. in fact i was AT my dad's when you posted that, again thank you i pland on going to my Bible and read through it and pray and ask for guidance. BTW love the Bare Facts book so far, super cool and encouraging.
    Love in Christ,
    Laci
    Lorree, with the LYWB team
    re: Laci
    on Monday, November 28, 2011 at 3:16 pm
    I’m so proud of you, Laci, for choosing to use your words to build up rather than tearing others down!! You can never go wrong by speaking kindly to others and considering them more highly than yourself. I’m so glad to know you had a great Thanksgiving with your dad. Keep up the good work, Laci!!!
    Nichole
    Sarah Or Lorree
    on Friday, December 2, 2011 at 11:00 am
    What kinds of toxins are exchanged through kissing and sexual activity?

    nichole
    Sarah, with the LYWB team
    Nichole...
    on Saturday, December 3, 2011 at 9:17 pm
    Hi, Nichole...

    It took me a little while to find the post, but this post by Erin will answer your question. Let me know if it doesn't.

    The Power of a Kiss: http://www.liesyoungwomenbelieve.com/index.php?id=744

    Blessigs to you, dear one! May the grace and peace of Christ guard your heart!
    laci
    hello there
    on Thursday, December 8, 2011 at 10:19 pm
    hi there Loree! sorry it took me sooo long to reply thanks for the verses really encouraging!! have a nice night! Please pray for me as I am at my dad's this weekend.
    In Christ,
    Laci
    Lorree, with the LYWB team
    re: Laci
    on Monday, December 12, 2011 at 11:10 am
    Praying your love for Jesus will be a shining light in your dad’s home as you visit him this weekend!
    Jacqueline Kim Murray
    Is God Against Sex?
    on Tuesday, December 20, 2011 at 6:52 pm
    I love God Dearly and this is no offense to Him at all, but if you say that God desires all of us to enjoy sex, just in the right way. Then why are some people deprived of this experience by never being able to marry?
    Sarah, with the LYWB team
    Jacqueline...
    on Tuesday, December 20, 2011 at 7:54 pm
    Thank you, Jacqueline, for catching that. The post should not have read “He's so for it that He wants every man and woman to experience sex according to His original design.” The Bible is clear that some are called to singleness (See 1 Corinthians 7).
    frostprincess
    Re:
    on Friday, February 15, 2013 at 8:25 pm
    Although sex was created by God, I still believe that all love-including in marriage can exist without physical intimacy. I'm not against sex-people can choose whether or not they want to have it in their marriages or not. God gave them that choice. But I want to stay a virgin forever. I don't expect any more than friendships-most people don't want to be more than friends with someone who wants platonic relationships anyways. I think that one of our biggest problems in this world keeping in mind this topic is that we often confuse infatuation with the deep desire for a friendship or other spiritual needs. We think we're in love-but if it's love, it should last. We are sadly lacking in the ideas of things as beautiful as love. The realization of this has led to my desire to be a virgin forever and to value the non physical aspects of relationships of any kind.
    Nobody knows about this yet, but it is because I'm almost sure I know how they feel about me never wanting to have sex-they say that it makes a person inhuman because it "violates human nature". They say that it's wrong. But how can it be wrong when monks and nuns commit their lives to celibacy?
    Sarah, with the LYWB team
    @frostprincess...
    on Wednesday, February 20, 2013 at 12:11 am
    Paul said, "For I would that all men were even as I myself. But every man hath his proper gift of God, one after this manner, and another after that. I say therefore to the unmarried and widows, It is good for them if they abide even as I. But if they cannot contain, let them marry: for it is better to marry than to burn."
    1 Corinthians 7:7-9

    For those that marry, God seeks a godly seed (Mal. 2:15). His command is to "Be fruitful and multiply" as you read in the other post with your comments.

    God bless you as you seek His will and purposes for your life.
    Annony-Girl
    Guilty... (sorry it has nothing to do with the topic)
    on Tuesday, May 14, 2013 at 9:12 pm
    So i was angry with my friend because she broke up with my cousin because she "wasnt ready" for a relationship... and i was like "why didnt u think of that before, and now you have hurt him. after i came to understand where she was coming from, i now feel guilty because all through their 5 month relationship, i wished it on them (sort of). I did that out of jealousy that I dont have a boyfriend. ANy advice?
    Carrie, with the LYWB team
    @Annony-Girl
    on Thursday, May 16, 2013 at 5:06 pm
    The guilt you feel, in this case is a good thing, friend. It’s alerting you to the sin of jealousy that crept into your heart over those five months.

    Check out these posts on jealousy.

    • http://www.liesyoungwomenbelieve.com/index.php?id=653
    • http://www.liesyoungwomenbelieve.com/index.php?id=568

    Then agree with God that jealousy really says, “ God’s not giving me what I want/deserve.” Repent of your sin…and then rejoice that your Heavenly Father loves you and is able to forgive even the guilt of our sin ( Psalm 32:5).

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