Is Boy-Craziness Really All That Bad?

After taking the Boy-Crazy Quiz, girls often ask me, “Is boy-craziness really all that bad?”

Attraction Isn’t Wrong

What a great question! Let me start by stating that being attracted to a single guy isn’t wrong. After all, God made guys and girls. Genesis 1:27 says, “God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them.”

There’s a world of difference between thinking a guy is cute and being obsessed.

And marriage, the most intimate relationship possible between a man and a woman, was His idea. Genesis 2:24 says, “Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.”

So “liking” someone of the opposite sex who isn’t yet married isn’t sinful in and of itself.

But there’s a world of difference between thinking a guy is cute and being obsessed.

Obsession Is a Problem

My obsession looked something like this. Time after time I would:

  • Spot a cute guy,
  • Daydream about him all day long, and
  • Do whatever it took to get him to notice me (even swallowing a live goldfish!).
  • When he didn’t fall for me, I’d get over him by hating him.
  • Then I’d transfer all my affections for him to the next cute guy and begin the cycle all over again.

When I was younger, I often joked about my boy-craziness with my friends. It didn’t seem harmful, just funny. But as the years passed, my crushes became more and more frequent . . . and more and more costly.

Your boy-craziness might look different than mine did, but the root sin is still the same. Faith wrote:

I have prided myself in not being boy-crazy . . . but most of my answers to the quiz were “yes”! I guess I am just one of those “on the inside” girls. But I have never acted on my feelings ever since seventh grade. I am pretty good at pretending I am not always thinking about guys.

Faith’s comment raises an important question. Is boy-craziness okay as long as you don’t act on it?

I would say “no.” Boy-craziness—obsession with a fellow creature rather than the Creator—is treason against the living God.

Where do I get a crazy idea like that?

Let’s Call Boy-Craziness What It Really Is . . .

Well, in the first of the ten commandments, for starters:

“I am the LORD your God. . . . You shall have no other gods before me” (Ex. 20:1–3, emphasis added).

Only God is worthy of being first in our hearts.

A “little g” god, or an idol, is a cheap substitute for the “big G” God we were made by and for. An idol can be any good thing—food, sports, anime, horses, or fashion. But when we set it up as the ultimate thing in our lives, it becomes sin. Only God is worthy of being first in our hearts.

Once, when God’s people had turned away from Him to serve idols, He told Jeremiah the prophet to proclaim:

“My people have committed two evils: they have forsaken me, the fountain of living waters, and hewed out cisterns for themselves, broken cisterns that can hold no water” (Jer. 2:13).

God is painting a vivid word picture here to communicate that His people have left Him, the Fountain of Living Waters. He is the best and only source of life available to them, but they have settled for “little g” gods that compare to stale-tasting water polluted with dirt and debris. Not only that, but their water source leaks. It’s broken and useless!

How about you? Do you know what your idols are? If not, ask yourself, When I’m feeling empty and needy, where do I run for satisfaction?

As for me, I’m convinced boy-craziness is a serious problem. Treason, actually. What about you? Do you see boy-craziness as idolatry, or do you see it as an innocent but bothersome issue almost every girl struggles with? Oh . . . and why?

(Read the next post in this series to learn what to do about your boy-craziness.)

About Author

Paula Hendricks Marsteller

Paula no longer tries to catch guys' attention by swallowing live goldfish, arm wrestling, and jumping down flights of stairs. Instead, she blogs for teen girls and women by day and journals her adventures by night. Her first book, Confessions of a Boy-Crazy Girl: On Her Journey from Neediness to Freedom, released September 2013, and she lives with her hubby (yes, hubby!) in Syracuse, New York.

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  • Gypsy Rae

    Still, though, what am I supposed to do about it? Is it possible to consciously reject boy-craziness? In theory, I know exactly what to do. I’m a church kid.

    Here’s a list I made for myself:
    -Obsess over only one thing: your relationship with God
    -Be satisfied that God holds your heart
    -Trust that God will lead you; you don’t need to take control
    -Remember that you are, and always will be, dependent on God alone
    -Make it your goal to please God, and God alone
    -Don’t make your feelings and emotions your god
    -It’s okay to pray for yourself
    -Look for answers in your Bible, not in yourself and your feelings

    Sure, it all seems totally right. But it’s not working.

    • phendricks

      Dear Gypsy Rae,

      Thanks for being honest.

      Knowing what to do and putting in the hard work to actually do it are two very different things.

      Here are a couple posts that might help, but only if you put in the time to pursue Jesus as your greatest treasure. It’s not enough to just hear that He’s “where it’s at” from people like me.

      Praying for ya, girl,

      paula

      http://www.truewoman.com/?id=2642

      http://www.truewoman.com/?id=2980

  • Guitar Girl

    I agree that boy-craziness is idolatry. I had a crush on a guy a while ago and I just about didn’t go a day without thinking about him! Thankfully, he lives two hours away and we didn’t see each other all that much… But definitely, if I had seen him more (and even with the little bit I did see him) he kind of moved into a space I need to set aside for God.

  • Tiana

    I agree that boy-craziness is idolatry. If you’re obsessing about something constantly, then it might not become an idol immediately, but over time, it could definitely bump God to second place. The only relationship we should obsess about is our relationship with GOD.

  • Kasey

    So being boy crazy about boys used to be a very real problem for me and now theres this good christian guy im dating we’ve been dating for almost a year and he honestly pushes me to grow in my faith he challenges me to grow. He points me back to god when i fall away. Hes my best friend and he was helped me through so much we both pray about our relationship alot but i guess im wondering if something where we are this young can last. Most people say when your young youll never make it but I’m almost 17 and we are so in love. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

    • Dear Kasey,

      Strong relationships aren’t built on age but on Christ. I don’t know if your relationship will last, but I certainly don’t think it’s destined to fail just ’cause you’re young! Keep pointing each other to God and keeping Him first in your hearts and in your relationship.

      Proud of you,

      paula

      • Kasey

        Thank you!! I will continue to try. I believe we are built on christ i know its just a matter of wht his plan his

  • Ruth

    I think that maby boy crazy-nes is idolatry if you take it to far and
    have lustfull thoughts and daydream about him and are over obsessive. Like if you are spending too much time thinking about him instead of asking God about him.But I am getting better…..

  • Judah

    Hi! i thought i was the definition of boy crazy, but the goldfish incident (thankfully!) puts me to shame. i love the honesty of this post and of all of the comments. i have recently challenged myself to go 30 days with out being totally boy obsessed, and today was day one. so far i’ve already blown it today, and i haven’t even seen my crush today.EXASPERATED SIGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    • Tiana

      Hey Judah! I shared this with one of my friends a few days ago when she told me that she was struggling with surrendering her crush to God. You won’t be able to do it yourself. You’re not going to be boy-crazy free overnight. It takes lots of surrender, trust in God, and time. But if being boy-crazyless is your goal, then you can accomplish it with God’s help. Philippians 4:13 says “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.” It doesn’t say SOME things. It doesn’t say SMALL things. It says ALL things. So if you pray and TRULY surrender your crush to God, He will help you overcome this! Praying for ya’ sister 🙏 ❤️️

      • Judah

        thank you so much Tiana! what you said brought tears to my eyes! you are so right. it’s hard for me because i’m only 13, so not manny of my friends get the pain of boycrazy-ness. (not a real word LOL!!!)When i express the massive love i feel for this guy they all either laugh or look at me like there’s something wrong with me…but thank you . I REALLY needed to hear that.

        • Tiana

          Praise God for giving me the right words to say! I just felt as if God wanted meet tell you that. And i totally understand the pain of boy-craziness at this age. I’m 13 also, and i’ve been where you are. Totally obsessing over a guy. But i surrendered it to God and now i’m boy-crazy free!! So yeah, there are people out there who are your age and are like you who understand. If you ever wanna talk i’m here. Do you have a Pinterest?

          • Judah

            unfortunately no….and my mom is pretty concerned with the whole ‘no giving out my contact info’ thing or i’d give you my email. you have no idea how freeing it is to find an other 13 yr. old girl who knows what it’s like.

          • Carrie @ Revive Our Hearts

            You’re mom’s super wise, Judah. Thanks for honoring her and the ground-rules of the LYWB Blog.

            Grace and peace,
            Carrie

          • Judah

            thanks carrie!

          • Judah

            hey, Tiana, i just wanted to say i hope we can get to know each other better. First off, i REALLY like music, especialy rap.I like Lecrae, Flame, Rose, and random songs by varrious mainstream artists.How about you?

          • Tiana

            I’d really like to get to know each other better too. Are you sure your mom wouldn’t allow you to give me your email? I love music too! I’m a singer on my youth group worship team. I also like Lecrae, Flame, and V.Rose. i like Tobymac, Capital Kings, and NF also

          • Carrie @ Revive Our Hearts

            Hey, girls…

            Thanks for honoring the ground rules here on LYWB. We don’t allow sharing of personal contact info–including email addys for your protection.

            Thanks,
            Carrie

          • Tiana

            Oh ok. How else can we stay in contact?

          • Carrie @ Revive Our Hearts

            You’re welcome to chat on the Blog, Tiana.

            Thanks for understanding!

          • Tiana

            Ok, no problem!

          • Judah

            i will totally ask her. will ask now.i like flame ft. NF start over

          • Tiana

            Oh yeah, thats a really good song. Have you listened to Flame ft. V.Rose Surrender?

          • Judah

            yes!!!! such an inspiration!!

          • Carrie @ Revive Our Hearts

            Hey, Judah…

            For your protection, we don’t allow sharing of personal contact info on the Blog.

            Thanks for honoring the ground-rules.

          • Judah

            o.k. i respect that

          • Tiana

            hey

          • Judah

            hey Tiana…sorry i didn’t respond. as soon as i posted that i went out to dinner w/ my family. yeah i was the only student vocalist. i like soft ball and i LOVE swimming, but i don’t actually play a sport.

          • Tiana

            Thats ok. I play softball and basketball. basketball is ok, but i LOVE softball. i play pitcher and 3rd baseman. and no, i’ve never dated b4. i think thats why i was like that, b/c i was desperate for a guy to like me since no one had ever asked me out.

          • Judah

            yeah i get that…i dated once and i don’t think i’ll ever get over the pain of breaking up. after dating for 6 months i found out he’d cheated on me as a bisexual. tmi?

          • Tiana

            no, its fine. I’m sorry, that must be hard.

          • Judah

            yeah, but thanks for understanding…..got 2 go luv u so!!!!!

          • Tiana

            ok, i’ll ttyl ❤️️

          • judah Haws

            hey!!!! having a REALLY hard night. i found out that 4 sure my crush is gay…. i love him so much and i just don’t want to let him go. honestly i think being gay is ok and yeah i’m kinda mad at God for saying it’s wrong.even if God didn’t mind i know john would never love me. i have such love for him i just feel like i’m drounding under the weight of it. and now i have to do what’s best for him and keep my feelings hidden from him….it just feels like my world is ending.😞😭

          • judah Haws

            😭💔

          • Judah

            dear Tiana please don’t stop talking 2 me just because i have different opinions.i really care about our friendship and i don’t want it 2 end over this.

          • Tiana

            oh my gosh i’m so sorry. i have been so busy and i meant to reply to you on Saturday, but i totally forgot because i had to leave for a birthday party. i feel terrible I’m really sorry

          • Judah

            you absolutely don’t need to be sorry!!! i’m so sorry i jumped the gun…i was just so afraid you’d reject me.i should have known better than 2 assume you’d do that, but it’s happened w/ so manny people that i feel like every one will eventually leave.thank you for not getting mad @ me 4 being so assuming.thanks friend!!! happy valentines day!!!sorry 4 the ‘girl drama’.LOL

          • Tiana

            that’s okay! don’t worry about it! but there was something i wanted to tell you. i’m not going to reject you just because you have different beliefs than me. but i just wanted you to know that i believe what the Bible says. “Do not have sexual relations with a man as one does with a woman; that is detestable.” Leviticus 18:22 The fact that you don’t believe that isn’t going to change how i see you as a person, but that is what i believe. I’d still be happy to stay in contact with you though.

          • Tiana

            hey Judah, what’s up?

          • Judah

            also i know this is kinda personal and i’m totally cool w/ you not wanting to talk about it. you said that you knew what it was like to be boy crazy, so had you dated b4?

          • Judah

            hey sister!!

          • Judah

            also, just read your bio, and i’m homeschooled, too!!!!! I do classical conversations, and i’m in 8th grade.

          • Tiana

            That’s so cool, we have so much in common! What other things do you like to do?

          • Judah

            i like singing, dancing, painting, baking, and journaling.OH!!!! and chatting w/ you!!LOL

          • Tiana

            I like talking to you too 😀. I like baking and cooking also. And singing. I tried out for my youth group’s worship team in November and made the team! So I’m really happy cuz i love singing!

          • judah

            yeah i used to be in my youth group praise band but i dropped out after a painful guy related experience, and then i left youth group all together. but by God’s grace i came back 2 y.g. and received forgiveness from my youth workers and friends.

          • Tiana

            Thats good that you went back! Do you like sports?

          • Tiana

            also, were you a singer on the band?

  • Heather

    This is totally me. I have liked a ton of guys around me in the last few years and it really bothers me. I know I need to keep my eyes on Jesus, and that He ultimate gives me and my life worth, but I have a hard time not feeling attracted to every single guy around me. I think I try to find my confidence in guys, but I have no idea how to base that in God instead. I would really love some advice because I want to focus on God in my life, but I’d also love to date and marry someone who pushes me closer to God and that I can spend time with. How can I put my confidence in God and focus on living with Him instead of dreaming of a prince charming every day? (I’m also very worried that because of this, if I start a relationship with a guy now, I’ll either forget God in the process, be crushed, or end up running out of that “love” feeling, instead of a deep foundation of commitment.) What would be a good plan of action?

    • Amber

      Heather,
      Although I do not have a sure-fire plan of action, I can offer advice based on what I have experienced myself. I, too, have been boy-crazy in the past and have felt attracted to so many different guys. It got to the point where, within the last year, I was just longing for a boyfriend. I wanted one soo badly. I wanted someone to love me, someone I could talk to. I’ve never been in a relationship and it gets so tiring seeing everyone around me find true love. I eventually grew tired of this feeling of longing and started to pray for my future husband and ask the Lord to give me patience as I wait for him. It’s hard, I still struggle sometimes. I still want to examine every guy around me and see if he is a potential boyfriend that meets my requirements. It’s hard to get myself out of doing this. The Lord has helped me in the past few months with this and I’m starting to become less boy-focused every day as I try to patiently wait for my future husband that God has chosen just for me. When it comes to starting a relationship with a guy, I’ve learned that it’s best to just pray and seek God and ask him if you should see this person. It’s hard to do, but if it is the Lord’s will, He will let you know. I went through a situation like this about this time last year. I had the opportunity to date a guy that I had had a crush on for 4 years, I prayed and asked God about it and wrestled over it in my heart for a day. Even though I wanted to date him so badly, deep down I knew that I shouldn’t, so I turned the offer down. It hurt to do it but I knew I did the right thing. If it’s the Lord’s will, He will be at the center of the relationship and ensure that the relationship will last. I hope this helps!

      Praying for you,

      Amber

    • Heather,

      Does this help at all? http://www.liesyoungwomenbelieve.com/can-boy-craziness/#comment-3145555241

      Praying for you now,

      paula

  • Co

    Great post! Totally me and my friends….

  • Charlie Mae Brown

    It was interesting to read, you diagnosed the problem but gave no perspective on how to solve it. This just seems more like cutting us open and leaving the wound festering with giving a vague ointment and treatment to treat the wound and heal it. Why do you do that?