Lost Virginity Does Not Define You

If we were looking for someone to impact history in amazing ways, most of us would never choose her. Why would God use her, a prostitute, when there were so many other, better women around?

We don’t know all of the details of this woman’s story, but we do know this. Rahab, the prostitute, was the mother of Boaz (Ruth’s husband) and the great-great grandmother of King David, a man after God’s own heart. Rahab was honored to be one of the few women mentioned in the lineage of Jesus.

Rahab the prostitute, the woman who’d given her body away as a way of making money, was chosen by God. She was given one of the greatest honors any woman throughout all of history could have ever been given.

God chose to use an imperfect woman with a repentant heart to accomplish amazing things. He still does.

I wish we would slow down to remember stories like Rahab’s more often. If we’d take the time to look, we’d see that God chooses to use imperfect women for His kingdom purposes.

Hope > Shame

If you struggle with guilt, shame, embarrassment, and/or pain over your own lost virginity, I have a word of hope for you.

Your worth has nothing to do with your virginity or your lost virginity. Your worth has nothing to do with your reputation. Your worth has nothing to do with anything you’ve ever done or ever will do. You can’t earn your worth, and you can’t lose it either.

That’s because your worth is found totally and completely in the love God has given you through His perfect Son, Jesus Christ.

It’s a truth our enemy, Satan, wants us to forget.

Satan perpetually twists God’s truth (John 8:44). You might hear him whisper:

“Your sin is so bad that God could never forgive it.”
“Jesus is so ashamed, embarrassed, and disappointed in you.”
“God doesn’t really love you.”
“Your worth as a woman is tied up in your own perfection and holiness.”

We have some words for the enemy. Not today, Satan! His future is sure, and we know the true King who will reign forever and ever.

We reject the enemy’s lies, and we will not let him destroy our lives.

We have a God that will have the final say. We have a God that sent His perfect Son, Jesus Christ, to pay for our sins once and for all. He has every power, every authority, every right, and every plan for our futures.

Listen Up!

Hear this truth loud and clear.

Don’t spend the rest of your life living in guilt over the sins that Jesus has already paid the price for.

God loved each one of so much that He sent His Son, Jesus, to die on the cross for our sins. He didn’t send Jesus to die for perfect, holy, upright people. No! He sent Him to die for wretched sinners. He sent Jesus to the cross to pay for each and every sin you have committed and will ever commit.

Please don’t spend the rest of your life living in guilt over the sins that Jesus has already paid the price for. You don’t have to pay the ultimate price; Jesus did. You can have true and lasting forgiveness for anything you’ve ever done.

Listen closely.

If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness (1 John 1:9).

Think back to the life of Rahab (read more about her story here).

If she had believed the lie that God only used “good girls” and “perfect people,” she would have missed out on God’s amazing plan for her. The very lineage of our Savior would look different.

Instead, she was able to accept the forgiveness of God and live a beautiful, fruitful life among His people.

That is what I want for you.

I want you to walk in the forgiveness that God is offering you. Don’t live your life trying to pay for your own sin. Accept the work Jesus has already done and move forward in freedom. Yes, there may be consequences, challenges, and scars that we carry because of past sin. But that doesn’t define us, and it doesn’t hinder God from using us in huge and awesome ways.

Let’s Talk

What’s keeping you from walking in freedom?
Will you choose to accept the forgiveness that God has offered you?

PS: Check out “Lost Virginity: Practical Help to Reclaim Your Future” to help you gain even more wisdom and truth in this area.

About Author

Bethany Baird

After a brief experience in the modeling industry, Bethany’s eyes were opened to how self-absorbed and lost her generation of young women really are. She and her older sister were inspired to start a blog (www.GirlDefined.com) and wrote a book Girl Defined: God’s Radical Design for Beauty, Femininity and Identity. Their passion is to help young women find God’s truth about beauty and womanhood and the freedom that comes from living a radically different life for Christ.

HEY, GIRLS! We love hearing from you, but feel limited in the ways we can help. For one thing, we’re not trained counselors. If you’re seeking counsel, we encourage you to talk to your pastor or a godly woman in your life as they’ll know more details and can provide you with ongoing accountability and help. Also, the following comments do not necessarily reflect the views of Revive Our Hearts. We reserve the right to remove comments which might be unhelpful, unsuitable, or inappropriate. We may edit or remove your comment if it:

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  • Heather

    What can one do to appeal to another Christian who continues to live in sexual sin and doesn’t feel shame or guilt about it? I had a roommate at one point that was also a Christian, and would attend church with me on Sunday but then be at her boyfriend’s house every other night of the week. I didn’t really say too much because every time I made it clear that I didn’t think that was okay (when she would ask my opinion on it) she called me un-Christian and judgemental. How can this concept be applied to fellow Christians who think they are in the right?

    • Your friend is blessed to have you in her life, Heather! Pray for her! Only God can convict her of the sin in her heart. Ask God to bring other friends into her life who will also confront her of sin and point her to Jesus. And then, as opportunity arises, when she asks your opinion, share Scripture with her. Assure her of your love and concern for her and point her to Jesus. Here are some articles that will help you in this journey with your friend.

      Are you living a double life? http://www.liesyoungwomenbelieve.com/are-you-living-a-double-life

      How to Pray When Someone You Love Is Stuck in Sin http://www.liesyoungwomenbelieve.com/how-to-pray-when-someone-you-love-is-stuck-in-sin-2

      We may be called “judgement” and “un-Christian”. But when we stand on the truth of God’s Word and share concerns out of our love for the person, God can be trusted with the outcome. I’m praying for you, Heather! I know this is not easy. But I also know that God will give you the grace to love her and trust Him with her heart. May God bless you, Heather!

  • Anonymous

    I find it difficult to understand how someone who has not lost their virginity or anything close to that can talk on this subject..
    It makes me hurt more.

    • erinleedavis


      Hi there! I appreciate you sharing your tender heart. All of us know what it feels like to sin and to hurt as a result. We can talk on this subject because we believe God’s Word is the authority on all things and we have the privilege of sharing it and because we all know how it feels to miss the mark of God’s best for us and feel shame, regret, ands sorrow as a result.

      We love you.


    • Lilian S.

      Praying for you, Anonymous!

  • J

    NOT TODAY SATAN!!! KB lyrics!!!

  • Nemo

    This is written for those who chose to give it away, not for those who had it stolen from them (or were sold (repeatedly from 3yrs old &on) by narcissistic sadistic mother & golden child sibling & were told by “family”, you’re ugly no one will ever go to prom – marry you, you’re nothing but _ on my shoe, you’ll never escape us you are our property…… & they put on front in front of others (unless they’re ones that will join them in abusing – beating – strangling – ….. The “Bad” “child”….. (& they keep id – s.s. card…. & not allowed to learn to drive…… & steal everything so can’t escape…..) “God didn’t put you here for your dreams, you’re nothing, you’re here to clean up (& take care of your siblings’ children (God doesn’t want you to have children) & animals)after us &your siblings….” (& if they do something bad it’s your fault & you will be beaten to death (strangled to death/killed for it/…..) by everyone together (& anyone that joins in)…….”

    • Sarah @ Revive Our Hearts

      Nemo…thank you for sharing your post with us. For those who have had their virginity stolen, I am sure they bear the same pain and hurt. I have prayed for you this morning asking the Lord to bind up your wounds. “He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.” (Psalm 147:3)

      Let me encourage you to listen through these programs from several years ago. The timeless truths of God’s love and healing grace are evident in Dorie’s story: https://www.reviveourhearts.com/radio/revive-our-hearts/red-beets-and-green-linoleum/. The series is entitled “No Place to Cry”.

      There is also an article on our site that would prove helpful to you: https://www.reviveourhearts.com/true-woman/blog/the-elimination-of-violence-against-women/. Blessings to you this day as the Lord brings grace, and His glory into your life: “The LORD is near the brokenhearted; He saves those crushed in spirit.” (Psalm 34:18)

  • Lilian S.

    Hi Bethany,

    I love this post. I was wondering if you could answer this question: Is kissing before marriage wrong?