Love Defined: 5 Strategies for Thriving as a Single Girl

Looking back on the many Valentine’s Days I’ve spent “alone,” there is one that stands out to me more than others.

I was single and headed to the grocery store to pick up my favorite brand of mascara. As I pulled into to the parking lot, I didn’t know that I was about to wade through a sea of starry-eyed men who appeared to be floating on clouds of roses and dark-chocolate-covered strawberries.

In days past, this kind of scenario would have been heartwrenching. I would have been sad and depressed over my single status. It would have bothered me to realize again that no one in the Valentine card aisle was thinking of me. I would have worried about the potential of becoming an old maid forever and ever. I probably would have purchased a massive bar of dark chocolate just to ease the pain of my loneliness.

But not that day!

That day was different. My singleness was no longer a season to trudge through but one filled with purpose and excitement. Thanks to the amazing work of Christ in my life, I was single and thriving.

I walked through the store, waded through the roses and chocolate candy, grabbed my mascara, and left without a single tear in my eye.

I didn’t feel sorry for myself. I didn’t feel disappointed. I didn’t feel jealous. I didn’t even feel upset or angry at God. I was confident that God had a good plan for my life.

If you are currently in a season of singleness, I want you to know that I understand. As an unmarried twenty-nine-year-old woman, I get what’s it’s like to spend years and years of Valentine’s Days boyfriendless and alone.

It’s not always easy. It’s not always fun.

That’s why I wrote two full chapters specifically for single women in my new book, Love Defined.

I want to share with you five strategies that have helped me thrive in this season. (To get a more in-depth look, grab a copy of Love Defined and turn to chapter 9. I unpack each of these strategies in more detail.)

Five Strategies for Thriving as a Single Girl

1. Live all out for Christ.

Instead of wasting away your single years waiting for Mr. Right to come knocking on your door, choose to live all out for Christ.

Instead of wasting away your single years waiting for Mr. Right to come knocking on your door, choose to live all out for Christ. There is so much work that needs to be done for God’s kingdom. In Matthew 9:37, Jesus said, “The harvest is plentiful, but the laborers are few.” Choose to be one of the few who are willing to live for Christ right here, right now, in the exact season God has you in.

Don’t believe the lie that your life will really begin once you are married. Your life is happening right now, and God has a great purpose for you. Choose to begin living a purposeful and Christ-centered life as a single woman.

2. Intentionally grow in godliness.

We live in an amazing day and age where wisdom is just a click away. We can listen to sermons, podcasts, and read blog posts from so many wise, godly people. Let’s choose to take advantage of this unique season of singleness and grow in godliness.

I say in Love Defined, “My car is one of my favorite places to learn and grow. Whenever I get in my car, I intentionally choose to listen to an audiobook or podcast. This time has been a huge part of my spiritual maturation. I encourage you to utilize your time to grow in godliness. Find something that works for you. It might be in your car, during your exercises, as you’re getting ready in the morning, or something else.”

The goal is to get active in growing in godliness.You can begin that process right now.

3. Look for opportunities to serve.

“Service is definitely a key strategy for thriving as a single woman” (Love Defined).

When my eyes are off of my needs, my problems, my wants, my desires, and onto other people, I’m at my happiest. I’m challenging you to begin (or continue if you already are) looking for opportunities to serve. Your family and your church are awesome places to start.

Check with your church and see what some of the biggest needs are. Service opportunities often don’t come knocking on the door; you have to go after them! Get in contact with leaders of certain ministries within your church, and offer yourself to be of service. This will be a key factor to help you thrive.

4. Embrace the unique aspects of this season.

Singleness brings with it some very unique aspects. Because most single women don’t have the responsibilities of a husband and children, we often have more flexibility. We can leave town more easily, go on missions trips more easily, and invest our time into discipling others more easily than our married friends.

My younger sister, Ellissa, spent several weeks serving in a Chinese orphanage this past summer. Because she is single, she was able to invest much of her summer doing what would be very difficult for a young married woman/mother to do. Ellissa is taking advantage of her singleness and using it for God’s glory rather than selfish gain. I encourage you to follow her example and do the same. It doesn’t have to be in overseas missions; just be strategic in using your time for God’s glory.

5. Expand your community beyond only singles.

Instead of restricting your group of friends to strictly singles, try mixing it up a bit. Spend time investing in those younger than yourself. Hang out with your grandparents or the elderly couples in your church. Get to know the families with young kids. Glean wisdom from couples who have been married for several decades. Get outside of your normal friend groups and experience the benefits offered by those in different seasons.

If you’re willing to expand your community beyond only singles, you will mature and grow in ways you wouldn’t have before.

Single and Thriving

If you want to thrive in the single years (and beyond!), you need a game plan. These five strategies are a great place to start. I encourage you to dig deeper by grabbing a copy of Love Defined and reading the complete chapter. We’re giving away a free copy of the book every day this week. Simply log on to the giveaway widget below, and then leave us a comment for your chance to win.

Let’s hear from you now!

List one way you can apply each of the five strategies right now.

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About Author

Bethany Baird

After a brief experience in the modeling industry, Bethany’s eyes were opened to how self-absorbed and lost her generation of young women really are. She and her older sister were inspired to start a blog (www.GirlDefined.com) and wrote a book Girl Defined: God’s Radical Design for Beauty, Femininity and Identity. Their passion is to help young women find God’s truth about beauty and womanhood and the freedom that comes from living a radically different life for Christ.

HEY, GIRLS! We love hearing from you, but feel limited in the ways we can help. For one thing, we’re not trained counselors. If you’re seeking counsel, we encourage you to talk to your pastor or a godly woman in your life as they’ll know more details and can provide you with ongoing accountability and help. Also, the following comments do not necessarily reflect the views of Revive Our Hearts. We reserve the right to remove comments which might be unhelpful, unsuitable, or inappropriate. We may edit or remove your comment if it:

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  • Tera V.

    I know what it’s like to stay with a guy that you know in your heart isn’t the guy for you. It was frustrating and the break up was difficult. But once we did break up, I was amazed at how much time I had on my hands. I have enjoyed the amount of time I have had ever since. Sure, there have been times when I wanted a boyfriend to pop up, but I have done my best to trust God and wait for his timing. I have enjoyed volunteering, spending time with friends, practicing my sport, and learning more about God.

    • Audrey Rachelia

      100% agree with you. I was in a relationship with a guy, but i didn’t feel that he’s the one. Now we break ups and I really enjoy my time being single

  • Emma Mueller

    I really enjoy spending time with all my little cousins. They definitely keep me busy and I am able to set a good example for them.

  • Lillian

    I really enjoyed this post! I’m 18 and so many think that I should be seeing someone right now, but I am enjoying being on my own. I think that this past year, my senior year of high school, has been a year of tremendous growth for my faith and a year that has sharpened my purpose. As for the 5 strategies, I think that I can continue to learn more about God through His Word and God-centered literature. Also, every day I am sure that I can find a service to do for another person to train my mind to think of others.

  • Anna

    I have a friend thats really good at number 5. Honestly she’s really good at all of these. I probably need to work most on numbers 1, 2, and 5. Stepping outside my comfort zone, and talking to people outside “my group” is definitely something I don’t do that often.

  • Esther Sentosa

    Thank you so much for this encouraging post. I really needed that extra bit of encouragement and strength. Valentines day is still a hard time for me but I’m learning to be grateful and joyful through everything and to trust in God’s plan for my life.

  • Taylor

    This was definitely something I needed to read. I still struggle with the need for a boyfriend or husband. I am at the point where my friends around me are ready for marriage and it is hard to see them moving in that direction while I am not. I think number 1 is something i need to focus on and remember on a day to day basis. I don’t know what my future holds but I know with Christ is will only be good.

  • Audrey Rachelia

    I really love this post. Thank you for this encouraging post

  • Nikkai Rufo

    I love reading you blog posts, thank you so much!

  • SARAH BROWN

    I absolutely love this blog. While I am only in high school the singleness can be overwhelming at times. Bethany is so right, our lives are now. We have the resources and time that married women don’t. I loved her awesome challenge to start serving. This was an amazing post!

  • Maria Gutierrez

    Thank you for your post! Perfect timing! This is definitely something I struggle with especially when you see your peers that are moving on to these new stages in life and you’re not, it can be lonely at times.

  • Rebeca

    I really want to read this book! 😍😍😍

  • Shannon Bazunu

    Love Girl Defined!!

  • KC Travels (KeDOlly)

    I totally agree with these 5 strategies. One the I really love to do as a single woman is to serve. Serving the church is one of my most productive and fulfilling activity and I would really love to serve the church more before I get married because then I wont have a lot of time for sure 🙂

  • Rachel Lee

    The one strategy I’m going to work on is the second one- intentionally growing in godliness because it’s really in those quiet one on one moments with God in which I really get revived and the satisfaction I need.

  • rebeccavanmiddelkoop

    Amazing advice. Looking for opportunities to serve is a great experience.

  • Jewels

    Love this article! 🙂 I like to perform music for people in nursing homes, so that could be serving, and getting to know them afterwards could be part of strategy five. 🙂

  • Emily Yang

    The season of singleness truly is a blessing. It allows us to have time to thrive in who God is, and learn to trust Him in the process.

  • Katie

    One of my favorite things to do is be with people in different age groups than me. It is an incredible blessing to help out the young moms and learn from them, and to sit and listen to the my grandparents and their friends. They have so much wisdom to share, and I am so thankful that we don’t have to only hang out with our age group!

  • Hannah B

    I’ve been trying to really work on 1-3 they are the key to life.

  • Charis Chen

    Thank you for this! Do you have any good podcasts or apps to listen to podcasts on that you could recommend?

  • Caroline Queiroz

    <3

  • Leanna

    Thank you for sharing this Bethany! I love the point on expanding your community. Being friends with girls younger than you and counseling them and being an older sister to them is wonderful! It TRULY takes your eyes off of your circumstance and back to what really matters.

  • Bridgette

    As someone who is living in the stage or phase of singleness this was great to read. Sometimes we see singleness as loneliness and not having the opportunity to really thrive in life, but it’s the opposite. How we use the time of singleness can be a reflection on how we are going to be in a relationship. We have to get out and seek every opportunity that life and God has for us now, so then we can build a strong foundation for how we can be in dating and even marriage!

  • Kelsey Thoman

    Just coming out of a relationship and into an unexpected season of singleness, this is what I need to hear!

  • Kallie Anderson

    Thank you for sharing. Can’t wait to put those advice into action 🙂

  • Christina

    Thank you for sharing Bethany. I really appreciate you connect with me. It was funny because I was just feeling a lot towards my singleness. This gave me such a Godly perspective to grow but also to get closer to God. Thank you again!

  • Erika

    #5: Recently I talked to a young woman at my church who got married last summer and is now expecting her first baby! I am so excited for her!

  • Emma Stapleton

    Thank you so much! This is so helpful to me both now and in the future. God bless! 🙂

  • A

    1- I want to live my life in a ministry mindset and use my singleness for God’s work.
    2- I try to listen to podcasts and sermons in the car, but I ought to be even more intentional about it.
    3 & 4 – this stage of life is a gift! Continuing to serve in volunteer positions is my plan
    5- I want to cultivate more relationships with the younger girls

  • Rachel H

    I really appreciate the encouragement to stop thinking about our own needs and desires and to start focusing on God’s kingdom and others!

  • Taylor

    Such great tips! You’re an inspiration!

  • Lois

    A way to apply one of the strategies could be interacting with the older women in your church. 🙂

  • Holly

    Love all of these points! I think the one that stood out to me most was #4. I really want to work on embracing the beauty of being single!

  • Caroline Malele

    What was spoken has been something that I have been looking into this week. I have been single all my life, and I have come to a place where I have realised that I can actually use this single time for God’s glory and there is a reason why I’m single. So this post has been very helpful and I really want to start with those 5 ways, especially serving at church and just finding ways to glorify God in this time in which I’m single. And by the way, I sometimes also feel sad when I see people so in love, so it was nice to know that it happens, and now I have a way to effectively stop thinking that way and just being the person that God wants me to be at this time. Thanks 🙂

  • Julia Held

    Love these steps! I love all the ways I get to serve that I know I won’t be able to when I’m married. My favorite is getting to spend my summers serving at Bible camp. I love being able to immerse myself in serving and growing so I don’t even think about boys.

  • Maddison

    Any non jesus ways?

  • I love this! Thank you!!

  • MidnightCity

    Thank you so much for your wonderful advice.

  • Eve

    This reminds me so much of the book captivating written by John Eldredge and Stasi Eldredge!! I can’t wait to learn more from your book!