Make Your Single Years Significant

Extended years of singleness are a growing trend in our culture. (Whether we like it or not.) For a variety of reasons, many young men and women aren’t getting married as soon as they’d like to.

Since I am twenty-eight and single, I can relate to the struggles, sorrows, and difficulties that accompany those extra “unwanted” single years. I haven’t lived these years out perfectly, but I have learned several valuable lessons along the way. Here are my five strategies for living with purpose as a single girl.

1. Don’t view singleness as an “in-between” stage.

There have definitely been times in my own life that I’ve viewed these single years as a season to be endured. I viewed marriage as the good stuff and singleness as the bad stuff. I wanted the single season to end as quickly as possible so that I could move on in life and be a real and purposeful adult. Thankfully, God has helped me to see that singleness isn’t an “in-between” season that I should endure, but an important and valuable season of life, worthy of embracing.

Singleness isn’t an “in-between” season that I should endure, but an important and valuable season of life, worthy of embracing.

I want to encourage you, single girls, to embrace this season of life. God has you in this season for a reason. Don’t waste these valuable years waiting for marriage to come your way. Take advantage of the time God has given you and make the most of it.

2. Get out of your bubble of single friends.

We tend to stick with people whose lives look like ours. Teens hang with teens. College kids hang with college kids. Singles hang with singles. Married people hang with married people. Empty nesters hang with empty nesters. The idea of mixing up the groups and spending time with people in different seasons of life feels awkward. Yet God’s Word reminds us we have much to learn by crossing those generational boundaries (Titus 2:1–5).

Instead of restricting your friend circle to “singles only,” try mixing it up a bit. Spend time investing in those younger than yourself. Spend time with your grandparents or the elderly couples in your church. Spend time with young families or couples who have been married for several decades. Get outside of your normal friend groups, and start investing in and benefiting from those in different seasons than yourself.

3. Choose gratitude.

Nowhere in Scripture do we see singles given a special pass to live in discontentment and ingratitude.

Nowhere in Scripture do we see singles given a special pass to live in discontentment and ingratitude. God commands us to give thanks in all things, despite our circumstances:

Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you (1 Thess. 5:16–18).

Gratitude is a choice.

I love how Nancy DeMoss Wolgemuth puts it in her book, Choosing Gratitude:

I have learned that in every circumstance that comes my way, I can choose to respond in one of two ways: I can whine or I can worship! And I can’t worship without giving thanks. It just isn’t possible. When we choose the pathway of worship and giving thanks, especially in the midst of difficult circumstances, there is a fragrance, a radiance, that issues forth out of our lives to bless the Lord and others.

4. Use your single years for God’s glory.

As single people, we have enormous potential to make an impact for the kingdom of God. We typically have energy, youthfulness, flexibility, and the time to be used in ways that married people can’t. Instead of twiddling our thumbs waiting for “the one” to come our way, let’s live with purpose and intention. Let’s take advantage of this incredibly unique season and live with eternity in mind.

Instead of twiddling our thumbs waiting for “the one” to come our way, let’s live with purpose and intention.

As I say in my new book, Girl Defined: God’s Radical Design for Beauty, Femininity, and Identity: “When forever comes, only the things you did for Christ will truly matter.”

Let’s choose to be single women who truly live with that in mind.

5. Look for opportunities to serve.

There are so many needs in our churches and communities. There are young boys and girls that need godly role models. There are elderly people in need of love and companionship. There are single moms who could use help in a million different ways. It doesn’t take long to find a need. We need to start actively looking for opportunities to serve. Instead of waiting for God to bring opportunities to our doorsteps, we can make an effort to love and serve those God has placed around us.

I’m challenging you to live with purpose and intention during this season. Don’t wait for the greener grass to come your way. Choose to live out every day for the glory of God.

About Author

Bethany Baird

After a brief experience in the modeling industry, Bethany’s eyes were opened to how self-absorbed and lost her generation of young women really are. She and her older sister were inspired to start a blog (www.GirlDefined.com) and wrote a book Girl Defined: God’s Radical Design for Beauty, Femininity and Identity. Their passion is to help young women find God’s truth about beauty and womanhood and the freedom that comes from living a radically different life for Christ.

HEY, GIRLS! We love hearing from you, but feel limited in the ways we can help. For one thing, we’re not trained counselors. If you’re seeking counsel, we encourage you to talk to your pastor or a godly woman in your life as they’ll know more details and can provide you with ongoing accountability and help. Also, the following comments do not necessarily reflect the views of Revive Our Hearts. We reserve the right to remove comments which might be unhelpful, unsuitable, or inappropriate. We may edit or remove your comment if it:

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  • Lexi

    Wonderful:) thank you!

  • CheistianGirl

    Great post! A great reminder that we don’t need a guy to be happy!

  • Alyssa Nicole

    Amazing! Just what I needed to hear!

  • Judah

    this song really helps me feel encouraged when i’m discouraged about why no guys are as attracted to me as i am to them. hope this encourages someone!! no better you V.Rose on youtube 😀

  • Crystal

    I find this so encouraging today, it serves as a great reminder that I need to embrace and live in this season of life that God has me in. I use to set my focus on what I needed to do to get to the next season of my life because I felt like thats where I needed to be, especially with seeing all the girls I grew up with in church becoming wives and mothers, but I’m finally realizing that God has a special plan for each of us! Our very own story its just a matter of following his will and not our own. In these single years I pray to use them for Gods glory and build my relationship with God before anything!

  • judah Haws

    to the lywb blog: i noticed you said no vulgar or profane language, so does that mean i can’t talk about things like homo sexuality and verrious other hard topics?

    • Sarah, with Revive Our Hearts

      You can post questions about such topics if you would like. We have several posts on homosexuality and various hard topics, so you might do a “Search” on our site here about the things you are thinking about, and the Search engine will list those posts for you on the topic.

  • Guitar Girl

    I’ve definitely seen the single years as the “in between” years, so this post struck a chord with me! I’m not old enough yet to be thinking about marriage, but when I look ahead, sometimes I find myself thinking “I just have to make it through those years when I’m single…” Anyway, all that to say thanks for this post! I think I needed it!