No Boyfriend? What’s Wrong with You?

Lately several girls have told me they’re convinced something is wrong with them because they’ve never had a boyfriend. Most chalk it up to being plain ugly, like this girl:

I’m twenty-three and have never dated anyone. I honestly feel like the weirdest, ugliest girl in the world, and all I can do is question what’s wrong with me. I feel if I was pretty like other girls or more dateable, I wouldn’t be single. And quite frankly, sometimes I even question if I’m worthy of being loved or if I’m so horrible I can’t even be liked.

I know life shouldn’t just be about dating, but it’s so awkward when all your friends are or have been in relationships, and you’re just there thinking, It must be because I’m ugly. I’ve come to hate everything about my physical appearance. It’s like my whole youth has passed me by. Because even when I’ve had any crush, they wouldn’t even notice me. I’ve now come to the point of thinking maybe love isn’t for everyone, but I don’t know how well I can accept it.

Single girl, nothing is wrong with you. Not in the way you think, anyway.

Nothing is wrong with being twenty-three and not having dated. In fact, you have the advantage, in my opinion.

My hubby was twenty-six when we started dating. Until I came along, he had never had a girlfriend. That wasn’t weird to me. It was pure relief!

If you read this blog often, you know my story. While I always had a crush on someone, I was boyfriend-less from ages sixteen to thirty—well over a decade. Do I look back and regret the fact that I didn’t have a boyfriend during those long years? No way!

Let me try to give you a little perspective.

Having a boyfriend, dating, is a fairly recent phenomenon in our culture. But marriage was God’s design from the beginning of creation: one man and one woman exclusively committed to each other until death parts them. It’s okay—wonderful, in my opinion—if you don’t drag a string of old boyfriends into this lifelong covenant.

Also, if you’re not dating, you’re saving yourself a whole lot of temptation, as the world claims that boyfriends and girlfriends get to enjoy all the benefits of marriage, but God’s Word doesn’t back this up.

And then there’s the fact that you grow and mature so much in your twenties. You learn who you are, what you believe, what you stand for, what you actually want in a lifelong partner. This time of singleness is valuable.

I can hear you protesting, “That’s all good if someone eventually pursues you, but no guy will ever like me. I’m too ugly.”

If you’ve been telling yourself over and over that you’re ugly, why would one guy telling you you’re not ugly change your mind?

It wouldn’t.

You need to choose to believe what is true about yourself before you put a poor boyfriend or husband in the impossible position of convincing you otherwise.

You are beautiful.

How can I know this, as I’ve personally never laid eyes on you?

Because I know that God, the ultimate source of beauty, made you. And God doesn’t make junk.

I was in your shoes once. You can read all about it in my book, Confessions of a Boy Crazy Girl. A guy who led me on for over a year and a half finally admitted why he hadn’t officially asked me to be his girlfriend: “The spark comes and goes.” With that admission, the Liar (Satan) lodged a big, hairy lie deep within me: “You’re just not beautiful.”

That lie rang in my ears for months.

Until one morning when I lifted the bathroom blinds. The beauty before me nearly took my breath away—this delicate, purple flowering tree reaching up, up, up. While washing my face and combing my hair, I kept glancing at its beauty, drinking it in.

That’s when I saw it. You make beautiful things, God. At that moment, I chose to stop listening to Satan’s lies and to believe that my Creator had not made me ugly.

You make things beautiful, God.

As I write this post, I’m sitting in my backyard surrounded by wildflowers, vegetables, a Rose of Sharon bush, and decorative grasses. Each plant is different from the others, but I would never call anything surrounding me ugly! God doesn’t do ugly.

God made you, and you are not His one mistake.

May I challenge you to repent of believing this lie? Even if you don’t yet feel beautiful, agree with God that “I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well” (Ps. 139:14).

Then I challenge you to change your focus—not on being loved but on loving God and others. After all, Jesus said that this is the greatest commandment in the law:

“You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the great and first commandment. And a second is like it: You shall love your neighbor as yourself. On these two commandments depend all the Law and the Prophets” (Matt. 22:37–40).

This is what you were made for: to love as God has loved you. And ironically, as you shift your focus from yourself to God and others, this is what will put your beauty on full display.

This is what you were made for: to love as God has loved you.

So how about it, beautiful girl? Will you choose to believe that God makes beautiful things—including you?! (If you doubt this, I challenge you to take a walk outdoors for a glimpse of His beautiful world!)

Also, I need to ask, is being loved more important to you than loving God and others? If so, will you confess this as sin to God and ask for His help to keep the greatest commandment?

There is nothing wrong with you, single girl. Go live beautifully.

About Author

Paula Marsteller

Paula no longer tries to catch guys' attention by swallowing live goldfish, arm wrestling, and jumping down flights of stairs. (She's married to a wonderful man now!) She spends her days caring for her son, Iren, and writing for Revive Our Hearts. She's the author of Confessions of a Boy-Crazy Girl: On Her Journey from Neediness to Freedom, and she and her family live in New York. You can catch all her writing on PaulaWrites.com.

HEY, GIRLS! We love hearing from you, but feel limited in the ways we can help. For one thing, we’re not trained counselors. If you’re seeking counsel, we encourage you to talk to your pastor or a godly woman in your life as they’ll know more details and can provide you with ongoing accountability and help. Also, the following comments do not necessarily reflect the views of Revive Our Hearts. We reserve the right to remove comments which might be unhelpful, unsuitable, or inappropriate. We may edit or remove your comment if it:

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  • Little Csaszar

    This was really an encouraging post. I’m homeschooled and I’ve been really freaking out that there is something wrong with me because I’ve never had a prom date like some homeschool girls have. But thanks for the reminder that there is nothing necessarily wrong with that. And that maybe it’s better without the heart ache of a relationships that are a bit to young to go anywhere.

    • Emily Torbert

      I’m in the same boat! I’m 19, I was homeschooled, and I’ve never dated. I definitely wouldn’t change anything and I love the ways that I have grown in my relationship with God because I haven’t been focused on someone else.

    • Dear Little Csaszar, I never went to Homecoming or Prom . . . and I went to public school! At the time I felt like I was missing out, but now I am SO grateful I didn’t. I wouldn’t have been strong enough at the time to deal with the temptation I would face. There’s nothing wrong with you!

  • Amber

    Thank you so much for this. I’m homeschooled and have never really liked the dating game I see so many people playing these days. Recently I’ve had a few girls make fun of me because I’ve never dated and they said things like, how will I ever meet someone if I don’t date even though I’m 17. This post today really encouraged me. Thank you so much!

  • Anonymous

    Thanks Paula for the wonderful reminder! I’ve never dated and can sometimes be tempted to think there’s something wrong with me as I’m in my late 20s. God has often reminded me that my value and beauty don’t come from anything on earth but rather because of who I am in Him. And I am the bride of Christ regardless of what relationship I have or don’t have on earth!! Sometime would you write your thoughts on single girls staying home till marriage or getting their own place? What about when a parent doesn’t want you to move but you’re getting older and really want your own place? Just an idea for a post that may be helpful. Always appreciate your thoughts! Thank you!!

    • I’ll definitely think on that and see if I can come up with a helpful post for you. Thanks for the idea!

      • Grace

        Yes, that post would be so helpful for me too. Although I’m not in my late twenties, my adolescent years are blooming, and I would love to have some future wisdom to help guide me. I am a senior in highschool this year, and although I am not in a rush to move out, I could see myself moving out in a couple of years, and learning to grow and mature myself ‘independently’. I’m getting older, and I kind of am wanting my own place.

  • Anonymous

    This is something I already knew, deep down, but I desperately needed the reminder! I’m 20 and have never dated. I’ve clearly heard from God to wait, right now. However, it can be hard when friends around me are going on dates, getting married, and some even starting their families. 🙂

  • GraceofGod

    Thanks so much for this post! I’m also homeschooled and I see my friends with their boyfriends and begin to think that there is something wrong with me. I’ve never been to a prom or on a date, I was beginning to think of myself as ugly and worthless. This post was a huge boost! Thank you so much!!

  • Gracer

    I’m 28 and never dated. I watched all my homeschool friends date and get married. I got left out, feeling like I was never good enough, just not… enough. Not pretty enough, not smart enough, not talented enough, not anything. It used to really bother me. Sometimes it still does. But I realize God has me where He wants me and try to count my blessings. Thanks for the good reminders!

  • Ruby Bartle

    Wow! So many homeschooers, I’ve never dated and I’m proud of it!

  • I’m 23 years old and I was not homeschooled, I attended the local public school. I have never dated. I didn’t attend prom or any of those weekend parties that always existed. It was definitely not cool to walk around without a boyfriend in high school. The summer of my second year of high school I recieved a purity ring (which means a lot more than just physical purity to me). I made a commitment to save myself for my husband alone that year and the Lord has helped me keep that commitment till this very moment.
    Family can be a problem as well, I have found recently. Some members have been telling me recently that I need “to get out more, to meet more boys”. It’s already starting to bother me! The Lord will bring my husband along in his timing and until then I will not try to manipulate anything for my own gain. If I marry, I want my first love to be Christ. If I never marry I want all my love saved for Christ alone!
    I want to encourage all my younger sisters to stay strong in this journey with your king – wether you marry or not.

  • Dana

    I’m also 23 years old and never dated a guy. My friends call me “NBSB” No Boyfriend Since Birth. My friends are getting married, most of them have a boyfriend. Sometimes, I feel sad for myself. Feeling that I’m being left behind. I was thinking and also asking God what’s wrong with me. God is so good, He answers my question. He comforts my longing soul. Thank you for posting this, I’m encouraged to pursue His will in my life.

    • I’m so glad it was an encouragement, Dana!

      I wonder if you’d have the courage to ask your friends not to call you NBSB? In my opinion, it is a very UNfriendly thing to do.

      • Dana Ruth Robles

        Hi Paula! I don’t mind to be called NBSB. For me, it’s a privilege to be one of the few. 🙂

      • Dana Ruth Robles

        Hi Paula! Thanks for asking. I don’t mind to be called NBSB. For me, it’s a privilege to be one of the few. 🙂

  • Inés Slater

    Thank you for sharing this. I am now reading it to my daughter. She is 11 and so interested in dating. Teachers at her school have noticed most students her age have started dating virtually and sending love letters to each other during school hours. They have not dealt with the fact in a wise way, though. Hopefully, my daughter and I talk and she has lots of love at home. We come from a difficult background and the word of God has risen us up all these years. I am sure all these post will help her make right decisions today and tomorrow! God bless you with more love and wisdom. Greetings from Lima, Peru <3

    • Dear Ines, How encouraging! Way to go, talking openingly with your 11-year-old daughter, and knowing what is going on in her school. May the Lord capture her heart from an early age and protect her from impurity.

  • Asisipo mohamed

    That was quite encouraging and a great reminder. Before I was a Christian in my teens (now 24) I dated, stringed guys along and all sorts of things however in his mercy n grace the lord saved me when I started college. and for a year or 2 I continued with this trend. however now I’m single and initially it was horrible because I was thinking that I ought to be marrying someone. However the lord has been teaching me that no spouse, no job, no friend, no boyfriend will ever fill the space in the depths of my soul that is rightfully his. that i should Trust him. he holds every detail of my life in his hands. with this n chatting to my friends I wish I never dated, I wish all those kisses n stuff would be wiped from my memory but they cnt. although fully forgiven in Christ and cleansed by his blood, those memories are there. The devil over the past year comes with the lie of you are not beautiful enough. the article was a great reminder of counteracting with the truth of God’s word.and to let that cultivate my mind in how i think about beauty. And to remember even though it’s a season of singleness the lord wants to use me now to live for him, love him and others now. and to tell of the gospel with my life. then another season(marriage) might come maybe in 2 months, 2 years, 5 years, 10 years, 20 years. whenever he wills.Let’s be encouraged sisters.

  • Kimberly

    Thank you for this post! Girls I understand too! I know people that are married that are, or were, younger than me when they got married. I am 24 and I too was homeschooled. I know I wasn’t patiently waiting for God, I thought I could find who God had for me and since I lived where there weren’t many guys maybe I could find him on a Christian dating website. I am not saying that Christian dating websites are bad, if you are on there for good godly reasons. But for me it wasn’t any help. I met someone and saw him like once, but (thankfully!) it didn’t work out which I am really glad. I wasted a lot of emotional heartache on many guys which is also wrong. I just want to say, be encouraged because God has your best interest in mind. I remember one church we went to the pastor’s daughter was not married and my mom would say something like, “Look at Joy she isn’t married yet.” And in my head I may have thought, “yeah, okay and she won’t be.” But God did bring a wonderful godly man into her life I think in her 30’s and now they have a child and they are due with another one. I believe if God placed the desire to be married there, He will fulfill it. But love Jesus 1st and above all!

  • Lorna

    My problem isn’t that I think I’m ugly. More like that I must not be acting the way I’m supposed to and therefore by somehow not acting right chase every one away. I hate the comment: marrying isn’t for everyone and maybe I am the one it’s not for. I hate when people tell me that I’m so much better off as a single… less worries etc. That is not true. Cuz if they really believed that than why would those same people saying that have gotten married. And why would God have set marriage into existence saying it’s not good for man to be alone when now all of a sudden that is what a person should want and accept and be happy with? I would love some answers for this if anyone cares to respond. By the way I’m in the thirties not in the twenties.

  • Jen

    Too busy having a girlfriend to have a boyfriend

    • Sadie Clements

      Jen, may I ask why you chose to state this here?

  • Mary

    What if you have scars, acne, some type of deformity, or something else like that that affects how you look? How is someone still beautiful if they have something like that. Obviously it must be warped because of the fall because God only creates beautiful things, not disease. But if that is true, then am I still beautiful if I have acne? I have been struggling with this recently. Any responses are appreciated.

    • Jeanne Harrison

      Mary, for what it’s worth, my husband still has bouts of adult acne that comes and goes (he’s 34), and I find him incredibly attractive and desirable! His beauty runs so much deeper than mere outward appearance–it is the culmination of his godliness, integrity, leadership, love, joy…etc. The world tells us “beauty” is all about outward appearance and we must look a certain way. But as this article so powerfully teaches, biblical beauty comes from within and shines outwardly. Because of the fall, we do have to deal with things like deformity, disease, and acne. But because we’ve been redeemed through Christ, we can approach these things with courage, faith, and confidence in God’s Truth not the world’s lies. Perhaps you could view your struggle with acne as a faith-building journey that is growing character inside of you, which makes you more and more beautiful every single day! All to say, I am 100% confident that YES you ARE beautiful even with acne. So, so, so beautiful!

  • Mary

    What if you have acne, scars, or something like that? Wouldn’t that be caused by the fall and not part of God’s perfect creation? How am I still beautiful if I have acne? I have been struggling with this lately. Any responses are appreciated.

    • I struggle a lot with self worth, and criticizing every little fault on my face. (also with acne as well) and my advice would be to pour yourself into God’s word. Study what a godly women looks like. (Start with Ester and Proverbs 31) I have found myself breaking out less easily and having much more confidence when I spend more time in God’s word, because my attention is on Him and not on my out worldly appearance. Praying for you, friend. <3

    • Patty94

      Hey Mary, just my 2 cents worth here: 1 Peter 3: “3 our beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as elaborate hairstyles and the wearing of gold jewelry or fine clothes. 4Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight. 5For this is the way the holy women of the past who put their hope in God used to adorn themselves.” One question for you: if acne was caused by the fall, wouldn’t the Cross obliterate it? Think of it in terms of sin. Christ died so we wouldn’t be slaves to sin, but that doesn’t mean we stop sinning because we are still living in our flesh. But Mary, also think of this: all the other people with flawless skin who don’t know Christ… do you think God favors them more just on the basis of skin? Acne is not pleasant. I’ve had acne for 11 years and still struggle with it. I even prayed to God to clear it up. But it hasn’t changed. It’s not because he doesn’t care. He could miraculously wipe it out! But what’s more valuable to Him? The price he paid by giving Jesus’s life for you or giving you clear skin? What you are struggling with is clearly from the devil who is trying to convince you that, what’s God good for if he can’t even fix your acne? But remember, even the devil knows God owns the victory over your acne/scars because he when he thought of you even before you existed, he made you IN HIS IMAGE! Psalm 139: 14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
      your works are wonderful,
      I know that full well.
      15My frame was not hidden from you
      when I was made in the secret place,
      when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.
      16Your eyes saw my unformed body;
      all the days ordained for me were written in your book
      before one of them came to be.”
      Memorize this scripture. The Word of God is your weapon to fight the devil. Submit yourselves therefore to God. James 4: “7 Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. 8 Draw near to God, and he will draw near to you.”
      Having acne is not a sin. It is part of your biological make up, yes how God created you. The position of your heart, however, makes the difference. Even acne can reveal the condition of your heart. Are you honestly searching for God or are is He only there to grant your wishes? Just a thought.
      Peace. :] Remember He loves you just as you are, and there is no amount of human praise that can surpass that.

  • Jeanne Harrison

    Love this article, Paula! It is exactly the sort of thing I look forward to sharing with my daughters one day. It is TRUTH in a world full of lies.

  • Tiana

    I’m 13 years old, and have never had a boyfriend. All my friends have had (or still do have) a boyfriend. I think i’m very ugly, and thats why guys don’t like me. I know that the Bible says that God is perfect and that he’s never made a mistake, but when i look in the mirror, i find myself thinking that he did make 1 mistake: me. I’m so ugly. I hate my dark skin and dark eyes. I’d die for for my brother’s green eyes. There’s only one other dark person in my youth group, and i feel like an outcast, although my Best Friend doesn’t seem to care what i look like. But that doesn’t change how I think. Any advice on this topic will be greatly appreciated.

    • Sadie Clements

      Dear Tiana,
      My name is Sadie Clements, and I am turning 21 next month. And I have never been in a relationship.
      There’s a couple reasons I can share with you for why this kind of thing happens. It may not be what you want to hear right now, but trust me, once you realize the truth that God is good and nothing happens in our lives without some good coming of it later, you’ll have an entirely new perspective on life. And that new perspective shows you that you have a truly amazing and wonderful life.
      So, number one. I was your age when I started wanting to be in a relationship. First and foremost I want you to know, that although our culture doesn’t have the same thoughts, 13 is too young to be in a relationship. I’m sorry if that offends you, I truly don’t mean it to. But knowing the person I was 8 years ago, and knowing that a lot of other 13 year olds, if not most, are very much like I was, I know that at that age girls are not really capable of handling a serious relationship. Emotionally, we’re not ready for it. Spiritually, we’re not ready for it. We’re not ready for it mentally, either.
      Let me tell you if I’d gotten in a relationship when I was 13 years old(which wouldn’t have happened anyway cause my parents wouldn’t have let me date until I was 17, thank God), which was for me the beginning of a very long struggle with some serious sin issues, it would have very negatively impacted the rest of my life. And you know what? Through the following years, I got emotionally attached to several young men and desired a relationship in my life to the point where it was an ungodly part of my character. I dealt with a lot of heartbreak, because I was never approached by a young man who had that interest in me.
      But, Tiana. Let me tell you, God really uses things like that in our lives. Through those heartbreaks and the healing process that followed each one, as well as the spiritual growth taking place in my life, I could see God at work in those situations, emotional attachments, and heartbreak. See, my heart was in the way wrong place. I wanted attention, and I liked to flirt, and I thought I was great, and I thought the guys were great, and I wanted that relationship in my life. Notice what word wasn’t in there: God. I didn’t go to God about any of the guys I liked, and now, looking back, I can see how He was holding those desires out of my reach because of that. I wanted it for me. Now I want that relationship first and foremost for the glory of my great and wonderful God.
      Number two.
      They were the wrong guys.
      It may feel awful when we’re single and everyone we know is being pursued by at least one if not more than one guy(s). And it definitely hurts a lot when the guys we like decide another girl is more desirable. But God is in those situations. I’ve found one of the biggest reasons I’ve noticed in His working in this way is to protect us. Even if we don’t get married to the guy, which if we got into a relationship with the wrong guy it’s very tempting not to break it off when God is telling us to, a relationship still deeply impacts us. At 13, I didn’t know who I was. Were I to enter into a relationship at that age, and continued having either that relationship or ones following that, I would never have been able to develop the character of a godly woman, nor the desire and passion to see God glorified. And I definitely wouldn’t have sought to discover God’s will for my life, which is an excitement for me to think about each and every day. Also, relationships, even with guys who are “Christian” can be less than edifying. And by that I mean they can do serious damage to our spiritual lives. Relationships for the wrong reasons can pull us away from God, bring great temptation into our lives, keep our hearts filled with the wrong beliefs and motives, and fill our minds with things that are not of God. Namely, him. That guy who we haven’t been in a relationship with because of God’s protection probably would have become an idol. Which would halt our spiritual growth, and give the devil quite the hay-day keeping us from the things God intended for us to do.
      Number 3:
      I know I’ve mentioned it before. God uses the lack of relationships and romance in our lives to grow us. If we go to Him in these situations, which I didn’t start doing until much later in life, He is faithful to grow us through the things we deal with when we’re heartbroken or disappointed like that. Even when I didn’t go to God, when the heartbreak and disappointment came, I still grew spiritually. I learned to be able to let go and go to God for the healing I knew I needed. And trust me when I say, there is nothing that can heal heartbreak aside from God. He is the only healing, and experiencing that process in your life is truly incredible.
      Now let me tell you. Had I not had those disappointments and heartbreaks in life, I would not have gone to God in search of basically my reason for living. I would have gone about my life thinking it was all about me and what I want. Thankfully, God had a greater plan for me. He grew my character in different areas through each heartbreak and disappointment, and developed my faith in Him and my desire to follow Him and trust Him more and more. That’s something I’d never, ever trade for any relationship I’d wanted to have back when I was a teenager. And if you go to God and ask Him to show you what He’s doing in your life and seek to imitate Christ and grow closer to God, come my age, you won’t want to trade that growth for anything, either. Promise.
      So, Tiana. I know it’s incredibly discouraging. I myself have battled the wrong thoughts, the lies that Satan plants in our minds, about not being beautiful, or cute, or maybe I have a really unappealing personality. It is none of those things. It is simply God at work in our lives to protect and mature us into vessels He can use to glorify Him and to share Him with others. And that is a beautiful thing.
      Stay strong, girly. Go to God, seek His truth, and let Him do His work in you. 1st Corinthians 4:17 says “Our suffering is light and temporary and is producing for us an eternal glory that is greater than anything we can imagine.” Romans 8:28 says “We know all things work together for the good of those who love God—those whom He has called according to His plan.” Jeremiah 29:11 says “’For I know the plans I have for you,’ declares the Lord, ‘plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.’” God truly has the best in mind. It’ll hurt and be discouraging right now, but push through it. There’s so much beauty on the other side.
      And by the way. In Genesis 1:27 during the Creation account, the Bible says that God created male and female in His image. We are literal reflections of God, both physically and spiritually. I know it’s a struggle when guys don’t pay attention to us or like us, but if God created us as a reflection of His beauty…there is no way we can be ugly. God is so beautiful we can’t even fully grasp us. We’re only a fraction of that beauty, but. That beauty is still there, reflected within us, showing on the outside of us. God chose to create you to look just. like. you. Isn’t that amazing? Doesn’t that just strike you with awe? That God wanted the population of the earth to have only one person who looked like you and has your personality and perspective on life. He treasures you; He delights in you. Shouldn’t you at least give yourself a chance? For Him?
      God bless,
      Sadie

      • Tiana

        Sadie, thanks so much for your post. I read it and realized that you’re right. Maybe God knows that i’m not mentally and/or spiritually mature enough to be in a relationship. Maybe He knows that i’m not strong enough to handle the temptations that come with being in a relationship. And you’re right, He made us – He made ME – in His own image. I may not think that i’m pretty, but God does. And that’s all that matters. So i’ll take your advice and just trust that God knows what He’s doing with and in my life. Thanks so much for opening my eyes! God Bless You, Sadie 🙂
        In Christian Love,
        Tiana

        • Sadie Clements

          Tiana, it’s such a blessing to hear that God used the words in my comment to encourage you, and to help you know the truth in His word. I’m so glad you now see God both in your circumstances and in your physical appearances. 🙂
          I would also encourage you to start a devotion that’ll keep reminding you of these kind of things. 🙂 I know a good one is Made to Crave by Lysa Terkeurst. If I find anything else that might be good, I’ll let you know 🙂
          I would love to keep in contact, and if you ever need encouragement, you know who to come to. Keep seeking God in this and in everything else that comes your way, girly! 🙂
          God bless!
          In Christian love,
          Sadie

          • Tiana

            Sadie, I will definitely check out the devotional! I would love to keep in contact also. If you don’t mind giving me your email address, we could talk regularly in private 🙂
            -Tiana

          • Sadie Clements

            Wonderful! 🙂 That’s great, I would love to do that. God bless, Tiana, and talk to you soon, hopefully! 🙂
            ~Sadie

          • Sadie Clements

            Tiana, do you have Pinterest or Twitter? Those would be good ways to private message each other to get email addresses. Facebook could work too.

          • Tiana

            Sadie, im not allowed to have social media of any kind. But my mom does have Pinterst, so she’ll probably let me use it to exchange email addresses.

          • Carrie @ Revive Our Hearts

            Hey, girls… we ask that you please honor the Ground Rules here on LYWB–that have been established for your protection–including no sharing of personal contact information.

            Thanks friends!
            Carrie

  • walk by faith

    I guess I am on the other end of this. I got saved at 19 and did not listen to the Lord and married an unbeliever. I remember thinking that this guy really loves me and so on. I ended up drifting from Jesus, and ended up after my divorce in shackles because of the idol I made in my heart that I had to have someone to have value. This lie is so dangerous and now live to tell many women that If you believe one lie like this it can bring you down quicker than you think. Jesus loves us so much! If we find our value in the Creator he will bring about such beauty from within, by cleansing us from sin and making us more like him. To choose otherwise can bring a lot of sorrow. Just ask me! What I do know is that our value should be rooted in the eternal redemption that Jesus completed a little 2000 years ago. If that does not prove your worth, than having one man affirm you will never be enough. SO the best question if you find yourself in this predicament and your asking yourself how can I be free from this. How can see myself as Jesus sees me? How can I, in spite of all my imperfections see beauty or value? I would encourage you if this is you to bring every thought captive! And start by prayer telling God everything and ask him to show you. Ask him to reveal who you are in him. Pray that he would grow you in your inmost being to be more like Christ.. for that hidden person desires to filled and affirmed by Jesus. 1 Peter 3:4 but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God’s sight is very precious. Psalm 139:13-14 Delight yourself in the LORD; And He will give you the desires of your heart. Our hearts are meant to be eternally satisfied in Christ. Once this happens no mans words will ever compare to the affirming words and songs Christ clothes you in. I plead with you sisters in the Lord, let Jesus be your loving husband, and let his precious word be what brings about joy, and affirmation in your life. Seek the things that are above! Colossians 31 1Therefore, since you have been raised with Christ, strive for the things above, where Christ is seated at the right hand of God. 2Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things.…Take you mind, thoughts, and heart to Jesus, and confess where you have been trying to find your worth in something other than Jesus.

  • Teresa Rincon

    I’m 39 years old, and I’ve never been asked out on a date. I get so many compliments from women who say I have beautiful hair, eyes, a great personality, etc., but no man has ever said those things to me.

  • ChristianGirl

    I choose to think that God is protecting me when a string of guys don’t turn their heads when I walk in the room and walk by in the halls on the way to class. I do admit, it can be like a punch in the gut when I see a couple holding hands. There is a guy who has a crush on me but I don’t return his feelings (I honestly think he’s not a Christian and that’s a big turn off for me). I know when I graduate from high school this May I’ll look back and not regret having a string of boyfriends. I do admit I have given up a great friendship for dating and that is my biggest regret. I’m sorry if I sound all over the place. Encouraging post though!

  • Bethani

    I am 21, and have never had a boyfriend. It never really hits me until I am reminded of other friends who are in a relationship with a godly man and it honestly makes me feel that I will be single forever. I feel that no one would want to date me anyway (due to being borderline obese, not to mention the fact that I have Narcolepsy AND hidradenitis supperativa). I don’t know. People tell me I saved myself a lot of trouble. I guess they are right, but I don’t even know what a relationship would be like. I grew up with a single mother and NO father figure, so I don’t even know what a relationship is supposed to look and feel like.

    • We can sense your discouragement, Bethani. We want to encourage you to focus on your relationship with the Lord. Spend time in His Word, in prayer and in the service and fellowship of other believers in your church. You do not know what God has for your future, but by doing these things, you can trust that He will be preparing your for what He knows is ahead. We are praying for you, sweet sister!

  • Kia

    I feel so ugly from pcos acne, I have a disease

    • I am so sorry to hear of the pain you carry in your heart, mind and body because of your diagnosis. We encourage you to seek medical advice in dealing with this and then follow that advice so that you can get better. It is possible!

      I also want to encourage you to remember that you are more than your disease. If you are a believer, you are a child of the king – a princess. He values your life and longs to comfort you and lead you in the way He would have you go. I encourage you to spend time in God’s Word. Read through Psalm 139, Psalm 103 and Romans 8 over the next few days to remind yourself of truth. Will you do that?

      God tells us that outwardly we are wasting away but we can choose to be inwardly renewed day by day (2 Cor. 4:16). God looks at your heart and that is what is beautiful to Him (1 Pet. 3:4). Will you talk today to your mom about how you are feeling and thinking? She loves you and God has her in your life to walk with you through this difficult time. She can pray for you, encourage you and get you the help you need. Kia, if I were there, I would wrap my arms around you in a hug. But since I’m not there, I want you to know that I’m praying for you right now!

  • Carol Williams

    I’m 50 with no takers. God may make beautiful things, but nobody believes it looking at me. Tons say I’m funny and fun to be around, and that’s all. I can’t even go to reunions but it’s too embarrassing…nope, still no one, thank’s for asking…sigh

    • Sarah @ Revive Our Hearts

      I know you hurt. The best antidote I have found for the ills of the heart are found in a deep, intimate relationship with Jesus…and you CAN find a relationship that heals and satisfies. Listen through the series on Revive Our Hearts and drink in the truths: https://www.reviveourhearts.com/search/?q=how+to+fall+in+love+and+stay+in+love. God bless you, Carol. “He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds. Great is our Lord, and abundant in power; His understanding is beyond measure.” (Ps. 147:3, 5)

  • Georgia

    I am 13 ….I know this is way to young to worry about these things but when all of your friends have had a boyfriend at least once in their life time it gets depressing. My friends keep telling me that I am beautiful, funny and have a great personality. But, all of my soul, feels like s***. I feel fat and really ugly because of my acne. HOW EVER… None of this was ever about having a boyfriend …That’s the least of my worries.. The thing is that o one ever likes me.Please reply .. anyone.. I need mortal support 🙁

    • Carrie @ Revive Our Hearts

      Thanks for your honesty, Georgia…my heart hurts for the ways you are struggling right now.

      Can I encourage you to share honestly with Jesus the way you’re feeling? He’s right there with you—you need not hide from Him the whole truth of where you’re at right now. After you’ve shared your heart with Him, you can ask Him to bring to your mind the truth of what He sees; the ways He feels toward you.

      You can do this daily, Georgia—as a part of your regular routine each day with Jesus. He’s always with you. He’s always drawing you into a deeper relationship with you. He’s always reinterpreting the ways we see, think, feel, and believe—with the Truth about these circumstances, people, and feelings.

      Would you be willing to commit to 30 Days of spending time each day with Jesus—in a rhythm that looks something like this:

      • Read a passage of Scripture—inviting Jesus to meet with you. ( This post has several good places to begin: http://www.liesyoungwomenbelieve.com/a-bridge-a-plane-and-an-identity-crisis/?doing_wp_cron=1521561735.5038089752197265625000)
      • Write out the details of where you’re at that day…answering the question God asked of Adam and Eve, “Where are you?”
      • Ask Jesus what He’d like to share with you about where you’re at—He may bring a passage of Scripture to mind, a message or truth you’ve heard recently, or even the encouraging words of a friend.
      • Spend time thanking Jesus for all that He has done—for the ways He loves, the ways He works, the ways He’s setting you free.
      • Sing one of your favorite worship songs…focusing on the beauty of who Christ is in the midst of all the realities in your life.

      Praying this for you today, Georgia– May the Lord direct your hearts into the love of God and into the steadfastness of Christ (2 Thess. 3:5).
      Grace and peace,
      Carrie

  • Vanessa

    I’ve just read your post, since I’m 28 and getting desperate for being single for so long. I’ve had a tremendous love disappointment two years ago, when I was rejected by a boy I thought was “God sent” and since then, my self-esteem has gone downhill. I still feel so much pain in my heart and in my stomach and anger and despair that sometimes I even think in threatening God in some way, so He could give me a boyfriend/husband. Then I remember I can’t pressure Him, just because there is no way to do that.

    I know my heart needs healing, but I’m afraid God will make me be single for life and I would rather kill myself than accepting that, and that is why I’m afraid of what He is going to do with my heart.

    • Sarah @ Revive Our Hearts

      Vanessa…My heart goes out to you in reading your response to this post. I’m so sorry that you feel so desperate; that is such a painful place to be. I know it doesn’t seem possible, but there is hope. You truly can trust God, Vanessa. It may be that you hurt so badly that you can’t see that right now, but let me encourage you to open your heart to God and begin this afternoon crying out to Him–asking Him to give you relief from this pain. “He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.” (Psalm 147:3)

      Would you consider listening to this short series of programs aired recently by our parent ministry? It is entitled “Unfulfilled Longings with Janet Aucoin”: https://www.reviveourhearts.com/series/unfulfilled-longings-janet-aucoin/. Your life is very valuable, Vanessa. I pray as I type this that God will make that so evident to you that you never even consider that your life could not go on–because you are in Christ. We are so glad you posted this message. Consider the Truth of Scripture…my prayer for you… “I pray that God, the source of hope, will fill you completely with joy and peace because you trust in Him. Then you will overflow with confident hope through the power of the Holy Spirit.” (Rom. 15:13)

  • hannah

    I’m 14 almost 15 and have never had a boyfriend and don’t plan on having one till i’m 18 one of my best friends thought i was crazy but she suports me and is here for me when ever i need her.

  • Sherry Mindiola

    I’m 16 years old and I honestly am having a hard time believing that I will ever find someone. All of my friends are supermodel gorgeous and talented and I’m talented too and I don’t think I’m ugly. It’s just I always seem to fade into the background. I don’t think I’m dull. I’m very crazy actually. So much it’s my nickname. I’m always myself. I seriously am starting to believe that I’m not unloveable, just wasn t made for a relationship. Advice?

    • Don’t worry, sister! 16 is a super young age to start getting worried about if you’ll ever be in a relationship. I always thought I had to wait for Prince Charming to come in and make my identity complete. But now that I’m in my twenties and I’m going through college, I realize that I have soooo much more to learn about myself and who I want my future husband to strive to be like: godly, compassionate, patient, and selfless. God has been teaching me to trust in His perfect timing, so I pray that you will begin to trust in Him more too. 🙂 I understand what it feels like to fade into the background. And I’m crazy too lol! Keep being yourself and opening up your heart and mind to whatever the Spirit wants to teach you during this time of singleness. God bless!

    • Mrs. Carolina

      Darling, you are definitely made for a courtship (no sex). Read Genesis and find a real, godly older woman who is willing to nurture and take time with you in this area. As for advice, tone down your “crazy”. Most godly boys like quiet, feminine girls. There’s no beauty like that of a “gentle and quiet spirit” that reveals itself in our conduct and behavior. Just a thought.

  • WaitingforHIm

    THANK YOU! I am 17 going on 18 and I have never had a boyfriend or anyone like me romantically. Although I have many male pals, for each of them I am their buddy; someone they can talk to freely. For a very long time I desired to be ‘liked’; if someone just told me that I was worth it, everything would be okay. I had many crushes, one who even was my very good friend but it never worked out. During this time I was angry with God for making me ‘ugly’ and short and accused Him of great injustice. ‘Why has everyone in my class be ‘liked’ at some point except me? I asked frustrated.
    Fortunately, I realised the truth through my ‘crush’ experiences. The truth is exactly what this article says. Every girl is made beautiful whether a man thinks so or not after all the Greatest Man, Jesus thinks
    you are beautiful!
    Today I still don’t have a boyfriend, my male friends are still friends and I am still single.
    But the difference is;
    this time I am Beautiful
    I am waiting for my prince patiently
    Because a King’s daughter deserves the Best.

  • genesis herrera

    I really needed to hear this message this morning! Thank you so much! For a while now, I’ve been wondering if I’m ready to date or if I should still wait? It’s been heavy on my heart for a while now, but I’m still waiting on the Lord and in his timing. Thanks again for being so encouraging. I was fighting the lie that I wasn’t as pretty as other girls so I wouldn’t be as desirable. But thanks again for the reminder that I am beautiful. I really needed to hear it 🙂

  • Amazing blogpost! Thank you, I needed to read this! God bless

  • Mrs. Carolina

    So no one was lead by the Holy Spirit to speak of Titus 2, and 1 Peter 3:4 and how this young adult (23 years old is not a teen) can apply both Scriptures to courting or making herself “attractive”? We are some lazy “godly mentors”. Every time we tell young, godly adults to simply focus on God (only) like having God-given desires for a godly spouse of the opposite sex is not normal, we are practicing the first part of 1 Timothy 4:3. We are also lazy mentors because we refuse to do the work of the Lord when the Bible says older women are to teach the younger women how to honor God through marriage. These young women have to start somewhere and perhaps learning how to be attractive to God first (inner beauty and wisdom) and appreciate how he made men (visual humans who tend to like “good” looks), may very well be a good start. By the way, a man and woman who works on their physical appearance is honoring the Lord with their body. Are we really supposed to be overweight? I am not saying this young woman is overweight, but a follow-up with her would have revealed this… Again…absolutely nothing wrong with probing and following up with this young 23-year-old to really help her see that yes, she should love God (duh..she is likely doing that everyday, if she is a true Christian), and it is perfectly fine to want young, godly men to find her attractive. Last note…the reality of life is this, we are all “ugly” to someone but does that stop “ugly” people from marrying? No. Be godly, attractive, and there is nothing wrong with you liking men.

  • Allie

    Great article! I have sort of a random guy question but, I feel like I hear that you shouldn’t mix romance into your guy friendships but, that you should be friends with guys to see if they’d make good spouses/boyfriends? How do these things reconcile?

    • Mrs. Carolina

      If a guy just wants to be your friend, it may mean that he does not want to be your boyfriend. A young man who wants to be your boyfriend does not want to be friend-zoned.

    • Being friends with guys gives you the opportunity to watch their actions and observe their character. Sometimes our emotions can get in the way of objectivity as we observe and evaluate. That’s why it’s best to keep your emotions/feelings in check especially with guy friends. It protects and guards your heart (Prov. 4:23).

      Focusing on God is never wrong regardless of your age or marital status. It should always be the goal of our lives to keep God front and center of our hearts and to faithfully serve Him wherever He has us (Mt. 6:31-33).

  • Niara Ginyard

    I can honestly say I’ve been feeling like this young woman. Only I’m 26. I guess what some Christian women don’t seem to get is I love God I know and believe God made me beautiful praise the lord and not saying that sarcastically, but I really dislike when people overlook what you said and tell you to keep focusing on God. I’ve been doing that and just because you do that doesn’t mean you won’t be sad, that the desire goes away, or that because my eyes are on Christ I feel better. I’m being real sometimes that’s not enough to get me through. The Lord created me to want that type of companionship. I just don’t know if constantly telling women who don’t receive romantic attention from the godly opposite sex year after year to focus on God is realistic advice.

    • Mrs. Carolina

      It’s not realistic advice. You’re right and thank you for being courageously honest. I did not come from a Christian home. I never experienced a two-parent home, where both parents were married to each other and worshiped God.

      Both my husband and I come from dysfunctional backgrounds. Only God’s grace and mercy has helped us tremendously to know and understand His will for our life and marriage. Now, that we have a daughter, we have determined that it is 100% necessary to INTENTIONALLY teach her about God’s will for man, woman, and marriage.

      Revive Our Hearts has a huge following…a huge platform and can do so much more for young, godly adult women who desire courting and marriage. It breaks my heart to see young adult women being pushed away and not be mentored and encouraged in the Lord regarding their God-given, natural desires. Breaks my heart.

      • Nene

        Hi at Mrs. Carolina. I agree with your response. There should be more things geared towards helping a Christian woman date in the dating world. I don’t think sometimes that people really honestly think about the processor one who has no experience dating a man or even being liked. I for one do not know how to flirt. Telling me how to flirt does not help. It makes me uncomfortable and because I’ve failed at it multiple times when I called myself crushing on someone that’s not cherry topping advice. Help me to become a pro in my God given desire. Right now I lack the ability to socialize with men. Somebody should be giving women in this rare circumstance real tools. Telling me to go out and meet guys is not helpful especially if I show up, but if I still don’t have the skill of striking up a conversation or carrying one with a romantic interest that doesn’t do anything. I’m still gonna be quiet and fade out. I LOVE God, but I can’t marry him.

    • I appreciate you taking the time to share your thoughts, Niara. And you are right. Just because we choose to focus on the Lord doesn’t mean it is easy. We will all live with unfulfilled longings of some sort this side of Heaven. I think God does that so that we will long all the more for Him and seek Him with our whole hearts. Our longings on earth are put there by God to cause us to long for Him more and more. I look forward to the day when we will see God face to face and no longer have the longings of this world. I know this is hard for you, Niara. Please know that I’m praying for you!

  • Baiyang

    I am 28 years old and I have never been in a relationship but I have been hurt many times by family members have hurt me emotionally and I choose school over men and now my family members are pressuring me now to be in a relationship.

  • Winnie S

    I am 34 and have yet to be in any type of relationship. I have come to resent the well-meaning advice people give because I see that they only give cookie cutter answers. Or (as this article does), they point to one thing you have said and try to build explanations out of it. What do I mean by this? I used to (when I was a young child) feel very bad about myself. I did feel ugly. But in my HS and college years, and in my 20’s, I actually felt really good about myself. I would approach guys (none of them ever wanted me, of course, or they just wanted to sleep with me until the person they really wanted to be in a relationship with came around). I told myself that this was all because I was not like most other people, and that I was meant for deeper and more meaningful connections and that I would wait patiently for them. It wasn’t until my twenties passed by still in the same boat that I started to sink back into feeling like something was wrong with me and like I was ugly as I did when I was a child. So, if the answer is to get out and do things, or to stop feeling bad about yourself, then how does this explain the 15 years of my life where I was doing these things and felt great about me where I STILL had no real interest from guys?

    I actually do believe that some people’s roles in this life is to be alone. There is nothing unworthy about them, but they simply don’t attract relationships. What the purpose of this is, I don’t know. I started to believe that maybe I am meant to just write and forge a solitary life with my words. But since the writing is not something that flows as easily from me as I would like, it makes me doubt that as well. So, all I can do is wonder what my purpose here is. The notion that I have been lied to all of my life and that there is actually no purpose at all is simply too depression for me to give any serious credence to. But, perhaps people like me should. If I am not meant to be a mom (I have known this since I was a kid), am clearly not meant to be in a relationship, and am not meant to make writing my world to the point where I can support myself by doing it, then I have no idea what my purpose is.