He’s cute. She’s beautiful. He’s confident. She’s as sweet as apple pie. He’s strong. She’s kind.
Jeremy and Katie are one attractive couple. Not only are they attractive, but they are also really godly. They are extremely involved with their church, missions, and they love their families. They are an all-around solid, joyful Christian couple.
But rewind a few years, and these two amazing individuals didn’t know the other existed.
How did they meet? Online, of course.
Online dating. What used to be somewhat of a sketchy, unreliable, or even embarrassing tool for meeting other singles has now become a standard. Online dating is considered a normal way of meeting a potential boyfriend/girlfriend and future spouse.
I can clearly remember the days when online dating was kept hush-hush. I remember couples keeping the way they met super top secret. They didn’t want anyone to know they met via a dating site! But times have changed, and today that’s hardly an issue.
So what are we, as Christian women, supposed to do in this world of online dating? Should we hop online and create a profile?
Could I Find “the One” Online?
There are so many questions to be asked and answered when it comes to dating online.
I’ll let you know from the outset that I’ve never dated online. Not because I think it’s bad, evil, or terrible. I don’t. I have amazing friends who’ve met and married using online dating! The reason I’ve never dated online is because I worked through these following six questions and simply concluded that online dating wasn’t for me.
(You can read more about my relationship journey in my new book, Love Defined.)
Each one of us has different circumstances, and we have unique personalities, different callings, and individual gifts from God. Because we’re all different, your dating path may not be like mine. It’s up to us to seek God diligently to follow His plan for our own lives.
There isn’t a specific verse on the topic of online dating. So that means we have to use discernment and apply God’s wisdom to our decision-making process.
To help, here are six questions to ask before creating an online dating profile.
- Why do I want to create a profile?
First, pause and check your motivations. Why do you want to create an online profile? The why may be different for each of us. It’s important to examine our reasoning. If your motivation is pure and God-honoring, great. If your motivation is self-centered and off course from God’s Word, stop right there.
- Have I sought wise counsel?
The Bible speaks over and over again about seeking wise counsel. Although it obviously doesn’t mention online dating specifically, we can take the principles and apply them to our circumstances. Before creating an online profile, seek wisdom from an older, wise, and godly woman, like your mom, pastor’s wife, or mentor. Her input could be essential!
Without counsel plans fail, but with many advisers they succeed (Prov. 15:22).
Listen to advice and accept instruction, that you may gain wisdom in the future. Many are the plans in the mind of a man, but it is the purpose of the LORD that will stand (Prov. 19:20–21).
- Have I prayed about it?
By this point, you might be wondering why I’m taking this topic so seriously. Add online dating to my prayer list? Really? Hear me out. Online dating means you’re intentionally trying to meet a man. You could meet a guy, enter a relationship with him, and even get married. This is big! It’s worth praying about.
I call upon you, for you will answer me, O God; incline your ear to me; hear my words (Ps. 17:6). Seek the LORD and his strength; seek his presence continually! (1 Chron. 16:11).
- Do I have accountability and support?
Just like with any relationship, we need accountability and support.
But online dating presents additional potential dangers. While it would be nice to assume that everyone with an online dating profile is trustworthy, that’s far from reality. It’s extremely important to be discerning and cautious when meeting someone online. We could encounter people with less than kind motives, even on Christian dating sites.
So take precautions, and ask a wise mentor to help you in the process. (I would strongly advise against online dating if you don’t have accountability.)
- Do I know what I’d do if I met someone?
What if you meet someone who seems like a good option? What next? Will you continue to communicate online? Will you let him call? Will you text? Will you meet in person? Will he come to your house? How will you actually get to know his heart? You don’t have to have all of the answers, but you need to have a basic game plan.
Every relationship takes time, commitment, and intentionality. Online relationships are no different. Carefully consider what you can invest in a potential relationship.
- Can I trust the Lord with my future?
You may know by now that Proverbs 3:5–6 are my all-time favorite Bible verses. They have been my hope and guide during twenty-nine years of singleness. They’ve encouraged me, comforted me, brought me hope, and helped me trust the Lord during the years I longed for a relationship. I would encourage you to make Proverbs 3:5–6 your mantra, too.
Before turning to online dating, make sure your trust is placed fully on the Lord. This will ensure you aren’t completing an online profile simply out of worry, anxiety, or fear over the future.
Trust in the LORD with all your heart and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths (Prov. 3:5–6).
So Let’s Talk!
- What are your thoughts about online dating?
- Why or why wouldn’t you consider it as a good option for starting a relationship?
PS: Love and romance can be complicated to navigate. My new book, Love Defined: Embracing God’s Vision for Lasting Love and Satisfying Relationships, can help you navigate the world of dating, romance, and marriage in a God-honoring way!