5 Lies We’ve Been Told About Guys

I have boys—a house full of them.

I’m married to a mountain man of a husband who oozes testosterone and is super proud of his facial hair. Together we have four sons. In the delivery room it was like the doctors had this sentence on repeat . . .

“It’s a boy!”
“It’s a boy!”
“It’s a boy!”
“It’s a boy!”

Once you start adding in the boy cows (they’re called bulls), male sheep (rams) and goats (bucks) and our furry Goldendoodle Marley, boys rule my world at a ratio of about 10:1.

I’m telling you all of that because when you swim in a sea of boys every day, you learn a thing or two about them. In particular, I’ve noticed that a lot of the things I’ve been told all my life about guys simply aren’t true. Or at least they are not true of every guy all the time.

I admit that my sons are still pretty little, very much in the “snips and snails and puppy dog tails” stage of life, but I often get glimpses of the young men they are becoming. I want people to see them for who they really are, and not assume they know what they are like based on what they’ve been told about all guys.

So, for my brood of boys and every other guy on the planet, here are five lies we’ve been told about guys.

1. Guys just want “one thing.”

Let’s just cut to the chase. This line implies that the primary thing on every guy’s mind is sex. Maybe you’ve heard the claim that guys think about sex every seven seconds. (For the record, that’s 8,000 times a day!) The truth is, that claim, though widely circulated, is not backed up by research. It’s an urban legend, just like the abominable snowman or Loch Ness Monster.

While it’s true that the guys in your world may be thinking about sex, I doubt that’s the only thing on their mind.

  • 86% of teen boys hope to get in to college or trade school after high school.
  • 66% of them are working toward scholarships to pay for college.
  • 55.5% of high school boys play a sport.
  • Half of them volunteer in some capacity.

God has given guys brains that can think bigger thoughts beyond sex. After all, it was a guy who invented the theory of relativity (Einstein), walked on the moon (Neil Armstrong), and created the iPhone (Steve Jobs).

It’s time we all acknowledge that the male mind is capable of so much more than just thinking about sex every seven seconds.

2. Guys are unfeeling robots (or simple cavemen).

Do you remember these commercials made famous for the line “So simple, even a Caveman can do it?”

If you pay attention to the way our culture talks about guys, you’ll notice a similar theme . . . “So simple, even a guy can do it.” From commercials, to movies, to music, to the way we tend to talk about guys among other women, the message that is often communicated is that guys have the evolutionary brain of an ape and a heart the size of a shriveled peanut.

While it’s true that in general girls are more emotional than boys, that doesn’t mean that guys are unfeeling or that their feelings are overly simple.

Let’s look at a specific example in Scripture, King David.

King David was a manly man for sure. He killed lions and bears (oh, my!). He cut off the head of Goliath. He was known everywhere as a fearless and effective warrior. And yet, David displayed a range of emotions. He felt:

David had complex emotions, but he expressed them in a uniquely masculine way. Just because guys don’t express their emotions as often or in the same way that we do, does not mean that they are emotionally stunted or overly simple.

3. It’s our job to fix them.

Guys don’t need us to rescue them. They don’t need us to teach them how to behave or to badger them into becoming more emotional, compassionate, sensitive versions of themselves. I’ve written about this more in depth here, but here’s a section of that post that’s worth repeating.

I happen to own a donkey named Bart, and he is as stubborn as they come. If I tried to yoke, or tie, him to another animal, he would kick and bray and stomp his hooves. He might even lay down and refuse to move. If Bart doesn’t want to do it, Bart is not going to do it.

This is a good analogy for what happens when we start a relationship thinking it’s our job to fix the other person. They likely don’t want to be fixed. They are probably a square peg who doesn’t want to be jammed into the round hole we create for them. And, even if they do want to change, they cannot do it on their own, or even with our help.

In John 15:5 Jesus said, “I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing.”

It is God who produces fruit in our lives. He shapes us to be more like Him. We cannot do it on our own. In fact, the Bible flat out says, “Apart from me you can do nothing.”

If you head into a relationship thinking you can change your guy to be more like Jesus, you will end up feeling like an ox dragging a donkey. Take Bart’s word for it, that is not what love is supposed to feel like.

4. Anything they can do we can do better.

I believe with all my heart that gender is the battlefield upon which God’s Word is currently being challenged. Because we believe that girls can be boys and boys can be girls, we look at the Bible and think, That’s no longer relevant. You can get into college as easily as boys, get a job as easily as boys, work your way up the corporate ladder just as fast as boys, and make as much money as them. All glass ceilings seem to be shattered, and that leaves us feeling that the roles of men and women are essentially interchangeable.

While I am grateful for the opportunities afforded to me as a modern woman, I also recognize that there are some things men can do that I simply cannot. Likewise, there are some things God created me for that my boys cannot do, or cannot do as easily as me. (For more on that, check out this podcast of me talking about three things women are uniquely able to do for the kingdom.)

5. Boys are bigger sinners than we are.

I’ve never heard anyone say this one out loud, but somehow I’ve felt it in my bones. Girls are seen as the more virtuous gender while guys are the scoundrels. In reality, Adam and Eve both disobeyed God and ate the forbidden fruit (Genesis 3). Since the Garden of Eden, men and women are both riddled with a sin nature. We both desperately need to repent and receive God’s grace. The guys around you are sinful, but so are the girls (and so are you). Rather than treating them with condemnation, regularly pray for them to turn from their sin and pursue Christ-likeness.

“And take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God, praying at all times in the Spirit, with all prayer and supplication. To that end keep alert with all perseverance, making supplication for all the saints” (Eph. 6:17–18).

The Truth About Guys

Genesis 1:27 shows three important truths about guys.

“So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them.”

Let’s break that down.

1. God created men and women.

Translation: He gets to decide who we are. Not the culture, not who you want guys to be, not those who distort the design of God. God decides.

2. Guys (and girls) are created in the image of God.

Translation: The guys in your world have tremendous value because they bear the image of God. Guys and girls are designed to work like a neon sign that says, “This is who God is!”

3. Male and female He created them.

Translation: God created males and females to be distinctly different from the beginning. Our roles are not interchangeable, but complementary.

Have you believed any of these guys? Are there any other lies you’ve believed about the guys in your world?

About Author

Erin Davis

Erin is passionate about pointing young women toward God's Truth. She is the author of several books and a frequent speaker and blogger to women of all ages. Erin lives on a small farm in the midwest with her husband and kids. When she's not writing, you can find her herding goats, chickens, and children.

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  • anonymous

    Great post, I needed this today. Lately I’ve had a hard time trusting guys in my life (due to a past problem) but I’ve been praying that God will help me see that not all guys are like that.

  • Emma

    Great post thank you! 🙂

  • Becca<3

    This is such an amazing post! So many truths:) I feel like I’ve been trained by the world to think that guys are worse sinners than girls. I always had this idea that it was always the cruel, heart-breaker guy and the distraught, confused girl, never seeing that girls have just as much capacity to be heartbreakers. I think this really helps my perspective on guys, thank you!

  • NaNa

    It’s funny that your family is all boys. In my family, there are 4 of us girls and the majority of our pets have been female. My oldest sister recently got engaged and my dad was happy because he was finally going to have a “son”.

  • Isabella Jo

    What has stuck out to me most on the modern worldview of gender is girls are as good or better than guys. Nowadays, the world loves to tear men down, make them feel weak and small and unimportant. I don’t know about you but I would go insane being surrounded by girls only! We need guys in our lives. 🙂

    The Bible never says guys are better in general or vice versa. We were each created with a personality that is to best glorify Christ. Anything beside that is the world picking who it wants to be on top. Girls, we have our own role as child of God. We want guys to acknowledge that and respect that right? Well, guys have their own God-given role that WE need to respect and acknowledge. Of course, they might use their “advantages” against us from time to time, but we’ve all done it to them! Looking at the bigger picture, God’s picture, we can see that they play a part in His story too!

  • Eliza Grace

    Thank you for this post, Erin! This will be of good help.
    I have trust issues particularly with some guys in my life. It’s probably because of the not-so-good things I’ve witnessed being with them. I have been praying about this to God, because my heart has been hurting and I’ve been dealing with resentment for a while now.

  • Erin, I loved this post! THANK YOU for it.

    To prove your point, I started to read the bullet points to my 12yo and 14yo sons to see what they thought. When I said, “Guys only want one thing,” they exclaimed in unison, “FOOD!”

    Ha ha! So there you go. 🙂

    • Bookworm1

      The food thing is defo true lol – my nephew and the guys at youth group are kinda into food 😛

  • Jordan

    Thank you for this post! It has so much truth. I find myself thinking so many of these things and I am relieved that they arent set out FACTS. Boys aren’t bigger sinners than girls, they don’t just think about sex. Thank you Erin for this post and thank you Jesus for reminding us how great we all are.!

  • Ali

    Oh my goodness… I needed this so much. THANK YOU!!!!!!!!!!
    -Ali

  • Gabrielle

    Loved this!!!

  • Bookworm1

    I think it is so easy to believe those lies, or others, about guys. Especially when the world around us is so obsessed with equality (which is important, but we ARE different!) and making us girls look good. I want to embrace the differences I see in the guys around me – not to dismiss them as weird, but to love them as unique 🙂 another thing I find hard is the fact that guys seem to be hard to read! (although apparently us girls are too lol!) I don’t always know if they’re being real or not – or if I’m imagining things that aren’t real… anyway, I still am so glad God made us different!!

  • God is Love

    Well, I think this is an insightful essay except for one part: you imply that since people think gender is “interchangeable” people are ignoring the Bible’s teachings. If this is about transgender issues, which I got the strong impression of, I totally disagree. I strongly support transgender rights, and it has no negative impact on my belief in God or the Bible. Rather, I think the Bible is living proof of the need for acceptance of LGBTQs, and God loves and cherishes them just as much as the rest of us.
    Also, i think men and women are very alike, except in the reproductive department. I believe God’s plan for me isn’t just about my gender.
    <3

    • Carrie @ Revive Our Hearts

      We’re glad you’re here on the LYWB Blog, God is Love. Though this article is not about transgender issues, we do believe God has much to say in His Word about His design for male and female. Pretty cool when we realize He’s the Creator and would, of course,
      not only want the best for His creation, but also know what is best.

      God’s love for us is undeniable in His Word. He proved it by sending Jesus and crucifying Him on a cross for our sins.

      Grace and peace,
      Carrie

  • Elisabeth

    Thanks, I needed this.No matter how hard I try I’m eather too feminun or not feminun enough.The biggest idol in my life is loneliness, and the other is guys.Untill God helps me solve my loneliness, and then less of myself , I don’t think I’ll get the other under control.

  • DJR

    A quick point…..Einstein did not invent the theory of relativity, he discovered it. The universe was running just fine according to the laws of physics before Einstein figured out how that part of it works.

  • Sea Star

    Great article! I would want to clarify though (and ask for a further refutation of) one of the lies – that guys only want one thing.

    I’ve heard that lie more in the context of “when it comes to *girls,* guys only want one thing.” Of course they are capable of thinking of so much more than that! But I get much more the idea that, concerning relationships, girls want romance; guys want one thing. That’s the lie I need to see refuted.

  • Krossin Bijoux

    thank you for this article, well written and interesting

    https://www.krossin.fr/bijoux/croix-pendentifs-argent-925/

  • Mafer pennyworth

    Hi, maybe this is not a commentary that applies to this subject but I need your advice, the other day a guy, that has been my friend for five years, had an idea, it was an activity to do together, this activity is to pray each day, only he and I first I agreed because he’s my friend but I didn’t feel comfortable, so a couple of minutes later I told him that I didn’t think it was a good idea, I know that praying is one the most important things to do in a christian life, but I really don’t want to mess up our friend relationship, because as the way I see it we’re getting closer in a way I don’t like, because he is just a friend. What should I do?

    • Prayer between a man and a woman can be a very intimate experience. I think you are wise to be cautious. Often times, very private and personal things that can draw a man and woman’s hearts closer are shared in requests. You could include others in your prayer group – other guys and girls – as a means of praying for each other and yet having accountability. Men should pray with men; women pray with women for accountability and protection. I’m praying for your wisdom today, Mafer Pennyworth.

      • Mafer pennyworth

        Thank for replaying, and for your advice

  • Chey

    “You can get into college as easily as boys, get a job as easily as boys,
    work your way up the corporate ladder just as fast as boys, and make as
    much money as them. All glass ceilings seem to be shattered” You really think this is true? Men still hold so much privilege over women,we odn’t have near as much access to these things as you seem to think.